The Diego Diaries: Accounting (dd6 182)
-0-Courtroom
Stamper thought a moment, then smiled. "I'm a slow learner."
The room erupted in laughter, a few elders stood up to wag their fingers at the mouthy little slagger, then everyone sat. It was on.
Between the laughter and shouting, No-a managed to get control again, rapping his knuckles on the desk before him. "Enough," he said with a grin. "Settle down."
Everyone did.
"So, Stamper, since you're the mouthiest one among this group, what brings you here? You have charges of drunk and disorderly and disturbing the peace. What say you, you little slagger," No-a said. He sat back to get the full effect.
Stamper glanced at Farris. "Hey, Farris. We'll make this easy for you. We'll all plead guilty and take our lumps if you let these two go," he said nodding to the little mini-cons whose bonding they were all celebrating. He smiled brilliantly, like all was settled and can't we all just get along.
Like that.
No-a grinned. "Just like that?"
"Why not? We were noisy and had a few. We were celebrating a great new bond. They should leave here in one piece. We can shoulder the responsibility. Right?" he asked as he turned to the others.
They straightened. "That's right," a mini-con said from the middle of the pack. "We can do this. It's the mini-con code."
"Do tell me the mini-con code. I'm not sure I've heard this rule yet," No-a said with a smirk.
Silver was sitting back watching them with amusement. For this case, he allowed the equipment to record and mark the testimony. This was too unpredictable and hilarious to take ones optics off even for a minute.
Mini-cons.
"The rule is, ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE!" Stamper said.
"ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE!" the others shouted.
"MINI-CONS FOREVER!" Stamper said as he turned to them and began to direct them almost as a chorus.
"MINI-CONS FOREVER!" the group said as the two tiny mini-cons in the bond held servos and smiled broadly.
"MINI-CONS FOREVER! FOREVER! FOREVER! ONE FOR ALL! ALL FOR ONE!" Stamper directed.
MINI-CONS FOREVER! FOREVER! FOREVER! ONE FOR ALL! ALL FOR ONE!" the chorus sang. Then he cut them off, turned to No-a and bowed. He smiled at No-a. "That's the mini-con code, your worship."
No-a grinned at the group. "I may be smiling but I still want to punt all of you."
"That's what most of you big mechs say when you're greeted with the magnificence that is us," Stamper said agreeably. "It's hard to digest, the greatness before you."
"THAT'S SLAGGING RIGHT!" someone's amma yelled from the back of the room. A murmur greeted that, then it got quiet again.
No-a grinned. "The greatness, huh? How is it that you little slaggers can't stay out of jail?"
"We like to give full rein to our joys," a little micro-mini said from the line. He smiled brilliantly. "We like to sing and dance." He leaned closer. "We don't leave any mini-con behind, but I hope you let these two off. They didn't make any trouble. We take full responsibility."
No-a looked at the two who smiled at him. "Did you make any trouble?"
They looked at the others, then each other. "We were singing." He looked at the others. "Mini-cons forever."
The group grinned at them. Then they turned to No-a. They all shrugged. "What can I say?" Stamper said.
No-a grinned. "You always say plenty."
Stamper grinned.
No-a glanced at Coln-2. "Anything?"
Colie grinned. "I'd give the little bond a break. But these slaggers? I'd wad them, stuff them in a bag and throw them off a bridge into a river."
HUGE laughter. Apparently, everyone in the room were good friends.
"Well, that's a solution. Farris?" No-a asked.
"Well, they are my clients. I would say, mercy for the little bond. Short time for the rest. They work hard and keep their nose assemblies clean most of the time. Usually." He grinned.
No-a grinned as he considered his options. "I will let the bond go with a warning. DON'T COME BACK HERE AGAIN!"
They smiled and nodded. "Okay," one of them said.
Laughter.
"The rest of you? House arrest for a decaorn. I would suggest that you form a choir if you have to sing and do it the proper way. Go and sin no more, you little slaggers, you," No-a said.
They bowed and turned to their families who rose almost as one and pounced. They were dragged in, pummeled for a moment, then everyone began to stream out. The little bond watched them go, bowed to No-a, Farris and Coln-2, then walked out hand-in-hand. When they left, it was nearly empty.
No-a shook his helm. "Pendleton, bring in the next slaggers."
Pendleton walked to the door and opened it. A gaggle of kids walked in, their angst massive and dark. They slouched to the line, then turned to the judge. No-a turned to Farris. "Plea?"
Farris turned to the kids, then all discussed the situation off line. He looked at No-a. "They plead not guilty, your honor."
"Very well. You will be held over for trial. Bailiff, take them to jail," No-a said.
"Can't we get let go to go home until the trial?" one of them asked with surprise.
"I suppose you could but you don't look like good risks to me," No-a said.
They stared at No-a, then hesitated before following Pendleton into the corridor again. They were the second group of high caste kids who had come in angry from a fight with unknown individuals. When they were gone, the first group, the one across from Ratchet's cell entered. They would plead guilty, then get probation with the admonition that a second offense would mean jail. They agreed, then walked out to the probation office to get monitors.
There was a pause between groups. Ironhide peeked at Halo, then grinned. "They have to be next. I would think so anyway. Some of those kids had to be among the troublemakers at the bar."
Prime nodded as the door opened. Joon stepped out searching the room for Vinn to be followed by the others including an amused Ratchet and a thoroughly uptight Prowl. He was last out letting Kestrel and his ada go ahead of him. They walked to the line and were organized by Ratchet. They had seen their bonds and started toward them before Ratchet grabbed their arms and led them to the line.
Desperadoes, they weren't.
They looked at No-a, then back into the room at their bonds, some of whom looked incredulous. Vinn and Proteus grinned at Joon and Madura who grinned back. No-a rapped his knuckles. "Shall we begin?"
Silver read the charges, Public fighting and disturbing the peace. There was no mention of public drunkenness. Whether that was merciful or an oversight, Ratchet couldn't tell. Everyone faced the judge who looked at them with amazement. "I was told that a number of civilians and 'officers of Cybertron' were in the clink. I've rather gotten used to you, Prowl and Ratchet, but seeing the ada of Optimus Prime standing before me is a new feature."
Prowl could have dissolved and Ratchet was amazed his body parts didn't fall off and land on the floor. No-a looked at Ratchet. "Ratchet, please introduce me and explain the relationships here. I was told it was quite amusing."
Ratchet grinned. "Well, if you insist," he said to snickers around the room. "This is Prowl as you know.
This is Prowl's ada, Miler. This is Kestrel of Iacon, the ada of our great Messiah and leader. This is Joon who is a weaver and all around good sport. She's the bond of Vinn, former Governor-General of Tyger Pax. This is Madura, a good spark and bond of a mech who works at the Halls of Order. This mech is Edict. He's in retail," Ratchet said with a smile.
Edict laughed, then caught himself. He grinned at No-a and No-a grinned at him.
"This is Bron-E, the daughter of Edict who is going to be bonded soon by none other than Optimus Prime," Ratchet said turning to grin at Prime who grinned back. "Pencil that in," he said, then looked at No-a again. "This is Anders who is a good sport and is bonded to a hard helm named Burris. Edict is bonded to Hobbes. This mech, Laslo, is bonded to Lucien. They don't have one sense of humor between them."
The three desperadoes snorted, then gathered themselves. They glanced at Ratchet with a grin, then looked at No-a again.
"This is Bluestreak, the son of Prowl and Prime who is working as hard as he can to match his criminal record to Prowl. You might recognize these three, Turbine, Delphi and Alor of Iacon. They're bonded to Hard Drive, Raptor and Blackjack. They're judges, too." Huge laughter greeted that, then died down right away. He glanced around, then smiled at No-a. "Then there's me, Ratchet of Iacon, the ring leader of this goat rodeo. Or so I'm always told."
No-a grinned. "It seems so." He looked at the others, then Farris. "Their pleas?"
"GUILTY!" Madura said. He glanced over his should. "I'm guilty as frag," he said to huge laughter and the grin of his bond, Proteus. He turned to No-a and straightened. "I'm ready for my punishment. Hard labor or house arrest. Either, I welcome boldly."
Ratchet stared at Madura, then began to clap heartily. "Bravo!" he said as the others nodded and clapped. Then they turned to No-a. He was grinning.
"Madura, I accept your plea. You are guilty and sentenced to a stern warning. I am aware that there were circumstances to mitigate the brawl. But hitting an officer ..."
"We were a squad. He wasn't going to arrest us. We needed a reason to go. I have to say … that was rather exciting," Madura said. "I was housebound. I had never been to jail. It was an experience."
"Try to find more positive ones, please," No-a said. "What about the rest of you?"
"I'm guilty as slag," Anders said. "My bond would never understand any of this but I don't care. I've seen the light and frankly, he either steps up or eats my dust." Anders turned to an astonished Burris. "I want you to know, Burris, that we're either a team or we aren't anything."
Burris blinked, then looked around. "We are, Anders. Whatever you want ..."
"I want to be taken seriously," Anders said as Edict and Laslo nodded. "You don't seem to understand that this isn't Cybertron and I don't have to further your career. It's time you furthered mine."
Burris stared at him, then sat slightly forward. "What career is that, Only One?"
Anders thought a moment. "I haven't decided. But I will tell you and those sons of ours, I won't stand for it."
"What, Only One?" Burris asked with rising confusion.
"We will talk later. Right now, I might be in jail," Anders said as he turned to face No-a. "I will accept whatever you suggest, your Honor."
No-a stared at the group with amazement, then nodded. "A stern warning?" he suggested.
Anders nodded. "Thank you. That's very kind."
No-a looked at Ratchet who grinned at him, then the others. "Who's next?"
"What about us?" Turbine asked. "I'm a religion teacher and a soldier. Does that count?"
No-a chuckled. "It helps. What about the rest of you?"
"I'm a great-great grand amma." Delph said with a grin. "My great-great grandson-in-law, Ratchet, just separated an infant an orn or so ago. I want it brought to me right now, Ironhide." He looked at Ironhide who's grin faded as he dutifully brought Halo forward and gave him to his great-great grand amma. He walked back in a grump and sat.
Delphi removed enough blankets that her beauty and newness was seen. Then he showed her to No-a, Silver and Pendleton the Bailiff. Moving to stand in line, he grinned. "Alor, the Grand Amma, Turbine, the Great Grand Amma and I would like to spoil this child. If we have to go to jail, she comes, too." He grinned at the baby. "Who is a good baby?" he said softly.
No-a looked at Coln. "Colie?"
"This is almost as good as a mob of mini-cons. We can't have newborn desperadoes."
"Stern warning." No-a consulted his datapad. "Who is next?"
"Kes, then Miler, then Bluestreak, then Prowl, then me. I defer to their greater age," Ratchet said.
Prowl stepped up. "Slagger." He looked at No-a. "We were having a good time when a fight erupted and we were caught in the middle. They swept up the whole lot of us. We were victims."
"That's right," Miler said. "Prowl is my son and he doesn't lie. Well, maybe that one time when he ate half the Celebration cake for Grand Amma's special orn."
Prowl curdled just a little as he shot a glance at Miler. He straightened himself as he looked at No-a. "Kestrel of Iacon is blameless. Miler of Praxus is as well. It would be a miscarriage of justice to allow either to be jailed. In fact, none of the individuals here is jail bait."
No-a grinned. "I would like all of you who were sorted to find a seat."
Anders walked to Burris, sat and took his servo. Joon sat with a very amused Vinn, Madura with a grinning Proteus, and Edict with an overwhelmed Hobbes. Bron-E joined both of them. When everyone stepped away, only Bluestreak, Ratchet and Prowl were left with Miler and Kestrel.
"Kestrel, what say you?" No-a said.
The big mech with the retiring persona glanced at Optimus and Tagg who nodded encouragement to him. He looked at No-a. "I had a wonderful time last night. I have never experienced that kind of fun. I would say that if you feel I owe a debt to the law, I will discharge it as you see fit. I try and set a good example for my son and now my grandchildren. I will bow to your wishes."
No-a glanced at Miler. He grinned. "I had a great time. My son and I, we're both Praxian and that means fun doesn't come easy. I want to be a better person for both my sons. I will abide by your decision. I have never been in jail until now and it was very, very different from what I thought it would be."
"How so?" No-a asked.
"I met some very nice youngling mechs in there," Miler said.
An aww moment was had, then No-a gave them both a warning. "Please find a seat and take Bluestreak with you. You have a warning, too." They did, sitting with a proud Tagg and Venture. The twins sat on either side of Blue with big grins. It was silent again.
"Ratchet of Iacon and Prowl of Praxus … whatever will I do with you?" No-a asked with a grin.
"An admonition? House arrest? The guillotine?" Ratchet asked with a big smile.
"And what would be the good of that if you couldn't get arrested again and be in my court? This was very entertaining and I agree, there were extenuating circumstances. A warning to both. By the way, that is one outstanding sparkling. Congratulations," No-a said.
Laughter, chat and sharing of the sparkling was had, then all of them gathered to leave. In the hallway, the civilians halted to face the 'officers of Cybertron'. Anders grinned. "That was fun, Ratchet. Thank you, both of you, Prowl."
Prowl grinned slightly. "You have to understand, Anders … when you hang out with Loon, here, you have to expect prison."
Huge laughter greeted that, then Ratchet rubbed his servos together. "How about ALL of us going to breakfast together? Semper fi and all that."
Lucien, Burris and Hobbes looked at him with dismay, but walked with their bonds as they followed the others. It would be an amusing walk to the Diner On The Corner.
For most of them.
-0-TBC 11-5-17 edited 12-24-17