The Diego Diaries: Hip Hopped (dd6 207)
-0-At the scene
Ratchet slowed, then stopped running as he saw the show currently underway at The Pit Stop. Mechs were flying out of the windows and doors while some were sitting on the ground. "PARTITION!" he said as he reached down to pull the youngster up. Reaching for Inweld and Morius, the three mechs swayed a moment, then turned to him. Ratchet scanned them. "Are you alright?"
"OH, FRAG YEAH!" Partition said. "THAT WAS AMAZING!"
"What was, sparkling?" Ratchet asked.
"That mech threw us through the window," Partition said as the other two smiled and nodded. "We better get in there."
"I don't think so," Ratchet said as Ironhide reached the door and entered. The racket inside was pretty amazing. "The big frames are in there now. You'd get killed in the crossfire. No one is going to pull their punches now."
They looked to the restaurant, then Ratchet again. "You sure?" Inweld asked. "We're ready to go."
"I know." Ratchet grinned. "You three are a caution. Wait here. You can learn a lot by watching the big fra-" Ratchet didn't finish his sentence due to his amazement that Drift flew out of the window. He bounced, then lay still a moment.
Rising up, Drift glanced at the four. "Nice evening, isn't it?" He asked before he stood up and ran for the door to enter once more.
Ratchet laughed. "This is hilarious," he said. "Wait here." Ratchet walked to the door, then peered in. In the back of the room, Optimus and Ironhide had hold of the perp, Park. Park was laughing wildly as he dragged both mechs around like puppies on a leash. The place was thrashed and a mine field for the mechs of the Watch who were clambering over debris to assist. Prowl was poised on the counter, then leaped. He landed on Park's back, then gripped desperately as the big mech rushed backward, hit the counter and knocked Prowl off. He flew back, went over the counter and landed on the floor. Because he grasped for anything he could grip on the way down, he pulled the entire display case of micro brews down on himself. It crashed with a clatter.
Ratchet glanced around, noting that Springer had leaped over a broken pile of chairs, caught a ped and fell like a stone to the floor, bashing his face when he did. Drift who had grabbed Ironhide around the waist tried as best he could to anchor his old man. All he managed to do was stretch things that weren't meant to be stretched. "OW! WHAT THE FRAG!?" Ironhide bellowed.
"I GOT YOU, IRONHIDE!" Drift bellowed as he clung to Ironhide. He couldn't see Ironhide's face or the grimace of pain plastered on it because he was sliding downward to the ground himself. Shortly, he would have Ironhide by the knees. It didn't look good.
Springer who was groggy and dented, sat up and glanced around. Three mechs from the jailhouse security squad were pulling chains from their subspace as Prime was thrashed thoroughly against the counter. Park was waving his arm back and forth, the momentum and strength he manifested by the poison's reaction and not feeling pain caused Prime to be jerked back and forth like a rag doll. He slammed over and over into the counter, blows that were cutting into his chill swiftly.
Springer stood up, pulled himself together, then 'sprang'. He leaped into the air, something he was noted to do with amazing skill and accuracy, then fell toward the perp. Park, seeing him coming, lunged forward dragging Prime and Ironhide with him. When he did, two things happened. Springer fell where Park should have been and because his bell was already rung couldn't react fast enough so he landed on the counter, hitting it full on with his chassis. Drift being pulled off sides slid down to Ironhide's knees. Ironhide having no mobility any longer fell forward onto a stack of kindling, once nice tables and thrashed himself. He let go of Park in the resulting fall to earth freeing him up to bash Prime. He commenced to do so.
Springer who groaned loudly, slid off the counter and fell to the floor. Drift who was on his hands and knees looked around in time to get a boot to the face from Prime who was being flung hard as Park twirled in a circle to get him to let go. Drift was lifted up and landed nearby on his back. The three mechs from the jailhouse rushed Park and were swatted away like flies. Jerking free from Prime, Park moved toward the door, singing happily as he did.
Ratchet turned to the group outside including citizens where were dining here when the doom was brought. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" he said as he dropped back and turned to the door. Everyone but the three Lucien and Laslo collaborations did just that. The three youngling mechs moved closer to Ratchet.
"WE CAN HELP YOU, RATCHET!" Morius said as he slammed his fists together.
"NO! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Ratchet said as he spread his arms in front of the three mechs protectively. Park came out of the door, spotted Ratchet, then charged. He swept Ratchet up and began to run for town. Ratchet gripped him with his arms and legs, then began to winch himself as tightly on the big mech as he could. As he began to disappear down the street with the big crazed mech, others began to stagger out of The Pit Stop.
Prime staggered out followed by Ironhide. Drift with a seeping nose assembly and Springer with a seeping chassis were next. "WHAT THE FRAG!? WHERE DID THAT BASTARD GO!?" Springer said with seething fury.
"That way, Springer," Partition said. "He grabbed Ratchet and they went that away." With that, Partition, Morius and Inweld took off at a gallop.
The others glanced at each other, then hoofed it after them. Park was heading to the downtown.
It was a colorful group of limping, seeping, dented mechs that pounded down the street toward town. Taking a left at the corner, Park and Ratchet beat feet toward the highway. They passed the Sciences Habitat where the twins and several of the scientists were watching The Hourly News breaking news bulletin. Freezing as they watched a singing mad man and Ratchet blast past, they barely had time to assimilate that before a furious Optimus, a livid Ironhide, a bleeding Drift, and an equally bleeding Springer went past. Some other mechs followed, then they were gone. Glancing at each other, the humans marveled.
"Well, you don't see that every day," Lola said with something akin to awe.
No, you sure didn't.
Morius and Inweld followed Partition as he ran straight up the street without detour. They were heading for the highway, too, convinced that they could cut Park off or at least slow him down for Prime. The streets were blocked off and everyone was inside the clubs and restaurants around there waiting for the all clear. As they reached the highway, the three saw Park turn the corner and head for them, Ratchet gripping him so tightly it looked like he was welded on.
The amazing thing was Park wasn't slowed down. He was still singing, still running swiftly and still oblivious to what was happening. The three boys set themselves and waited for a fight. Park blew through them and they flew all over the place. Getting up, they gathered themselves and turned in time to join Optimus, Ironhide, Lancer, the mechs from the jail, Springer, and Drift in chase. They didn't have to run far. Park turned into the wide open doors of Club Cybertron and before anyone could get there, the place began to dispense its clientele into the streets. Everyone arrived just in time to get run over by fleeing customers.
Park ran inside, slammed Ratchet into the counter, then turned toward the lounge. Those who didn't get out right away moved back to the walls. Park walked in, threw his arms wide open and began to sing. As he did, Prime and Ironhide leaped on him and everyone went down.
On top of Ratchet.
-0-Half a joor later
Ratchet stood at the bar sipping a beer. The place was thrashed. There wasn't a stick of furniture or a drinking implement that wasn't broken. He, himself, had taken the full weight of Park of Helex, Ironhide of Praxus and Prime of Iacon when the latter jumped on the former. They had fallen to the floor where Ratchet had a flicker of his life review, the one you get just after you die that showcases your entire life and its good/bad and indifferent subtexts.
It was a pretty interesting flash that almost made the resulting agonizing pain and desire to let fly from every orifice he possessed worth it. He was sure his tongue flashed out like some kind of cartoon character who had an anvil drop on their head. He saw comets, galaxies and a couple of neutron stars before he finally relented and let go. By then, Ironhide and Prime had Park and were beginning to go through the process of getting their afts kicked here, just as they did at The Pit Stop.
Sitting up slowly, Ratchet saw the room spin, then stop as he focused on the fearful face of Lancer and Partition. They had run in, grabbed his arms and pulled hard. Abstractly wondering why his arms didn't come off at the sockets, he noted the floor tiles as he was dragged head down out of harms way. They were nice floor tiles. Sitting up against a wall, he squinted upward at the several Partitions and Lancers who looked at him with concern. "Hi. Who am I?" he asked dully.
"Oh, frag," Lancer said with a chuckle.
Meanwhile, Ironhide and Prime were doing a minuet with Park while the others grabbed patrons and used their own bodies to shelter them out of the bar. Most of the mechs who could help them, off duty soldiers and the like were too liquored up to do more than cheer both of them on. Round and round they spun as they desperately held onto Park. They couldn't punch him. He wouldn't feel it and they could really harm him. They couldn't taze, shoot or reason with him. All they could do was hold on and hope the high he was on would come back down again. It was a forlorn hope but the only one they had.
Springer who was wiping the energon off the two cuts on his chassis that opened when he landed on the counter at The Pit Stop grimaced, then took a bead on Park. Rushing forward with a bloody Drift in tow, they jumped on Park. He sagged a moment, staggering, then shoved Prime away. That big mech flew sideways, grabbed a table in desperation, then crashed into the wall. Ironhide, because Prime was no longer counterbalancing him, found himself spinning off his peds. He flashed around, then Park let him go. He flew through the air, hit the wall, then fell to the ground.
Springer who was on Park's back and Drift who landed on Park's shoulder held on as Park lurched here and there. The behemoth steelworker ran at the bar sideways and slammed Drift into it. The big white and red mech groaned, then slipped to Park's elbow. He clutched it tightly, then fell off as Park ran back. Turning to face the doors nearby and a number of soldiers coming to rush him, he ran backward, slammed Springer on the bar, then lurched forward. Springer with a groan fell off onto the floor.
The mechs rushing Park had chains in hand. They rushed him and after a struggle, had him wrapped up like a cocoon. He staggered until they pulled his peds out from under him, whereupon he fell and landed with a crash on the last intact table and chair in the dining room. He lay on the floor laughing to himself as more troops arrived including mental health security with a restraining stretcher.
Prime who was sitting against the wall watched as the big mech was loaded up and carted out to the Processor Hospital nearby. Ironhide who was laying on his back rolled over to sit up. Springer leaned against the bar while Drift lay on his stomach groaning softly. Partition walked in, then knelt by Drift. "Drift? Can I help you?" he asked.
"Shoot me," Drift whispered as he turned over onto his back slowly and painfully.
The night medics at Substations #4 and #6 rushed in and began triage. It would take a bit of this and that before the sorry lot were on their peds, Ratchet included. Ironhide turned to him. "OLD MECH! WHAT THE FRAG WERE YOU DOING!?"
Ratchet looked at Ironhide. "I WAS WEARING HIM OUT FOR YOU!"
Prime chuckled, then guffawed. He laughed loudly, then grinned at the two as he glanced around the shattered room. Then he frowned slightly. "Where's Prowl?"
Moments later …
Prowl limped in with a fury and the smell of beer emanating off him like a fog. "Where is everyone?"
"Well, Ratchet and Ironhide are here. They got thrashed. So did Prime," Partition said as he stood by the door with his brothers and a terribly, terribly amused Lancer. "Everyone finally subdued him, Commander. It left everyone injured, though. Commander Springer and Drift as well."
Prowl looked at the kids, then nodded. "Are you alright? I heard you three went through the big window at The Pit Stop."
"We did," Partition said as the three of them grinned. "That was amazing."
"I can think of many things it is, but amazing isn't one of them," Prowl said as he surveyed the bar. "I'm tired of seeing this bar thrashed."
"I am, too," Prime said as he hugged Prowl. "You smell like a brewery."
"Long story," Prowl said hugging him back. "Are you injured?"
"Not much," Prime said. "Apparently, the solvent not only makes you hallucinate and feel impervious to pain, it increases your strength because it kills your inhibitions."
"Really. Well, frag that solvent. We need it banned," Prowl said darkly. "How's the perp?"
"In the Processor Center," Ironhide said as he limped over. "What a mess."
Prowl nodded. "I agree," he said. "Are we through or is there more needed here?"
"We got this, Prowl," Springer said as he swayed before Prowl. He had a couple of gashes in his chassis which were treated, was smeared with energon and looked like slag. But at least his nose looked more normal than before. Drift also needed an adjustment.
"Your nose is broken," Prowl said to Drift. "I assume you're going to fix that? Now? Without delay?"
"I guess I am," Drift said with a grin. He touched his nose, winced, then nodded. "I'm on it."
"Good. That's an order. Take him, too. We can't have our personnel look like slag," Prowl said with a faint smirk.
HA-HA, MRS. OPTIMUS PRIME!
Springer snickered, then nodded. "Okay," he said. He looked out the door to what was left of the bar where Ratchet was leaning with a beer in hand. "I'll get an opinion from Mom." He limped toward the door, then paused next to Ratchet. "We need some plastic surgery. Opinion?" he asked as Drift paused next to him.
Ratchet looked them over, then grinned. "I think a nose adjustment, a few patches on the chassis, butt implants, breast augmentation, and lip injections should do it."
Springer and Drift laughed, then grinned. "What about you? I saw them fall on you."
"I think I'm thinner and taller. Who knows? It might be a look," Ratchet said as he found a couple of beers. Handing them to both, he clicked his glass against their bottles. "Cheers, slaggers."
They drowned their beers, then walked outside into the cold air. About thirty horse patrolmen, a lot of soldiers, beat cops, and civilians stood around the doorway watching the show. Ratchet made a slight curtsy, then turned to the others. "Is class dismissed?"
Optimus who was leaning slightly on a beer soaked Prowl nodded. "I think so," he said with a grin. "Nice night for a beating."
"I hope someone got this on tape," Ironhide said as the four of them walked toward their tower nearby.
Springer and Drift tossed the reins of power to Hercy and Kup, then limped across the street to go to Metro Femme. It would take three orns to put the two businesses back together and two more after that for Park to be fully free of the poisoning. In the meantime, there was always Big Jim in the gerbil cage.
-0-TBC 12-02-17 edited 1-9-18
NOTES:
Perp: perpetrator: the one who does something or makes it happen. A shorthand term by cops to use for criminals.