The Diego Diaries: Playah (dd6 224)
-0-At a dog run
"Okay," Springer said with a big grin.
Everyone looked at each other, then subbed their weapons. The guards standing nearby had enough of those so they decided to go extra virgin, gun wise, for this slagger. Fists they brought and fists it would be. Drift grinned, then set himself. Springer did as well as Bumblebee who was along for the fun because First Aid was doing night shift at Metro Femme did so, too. Everyone else fell into a half circle to watch and critique what should be a wild encounter. This slagger was big enough to pal around with a phase sixer, strong enough to hold his own and sneaky enough to have learned a bunch of things from watching Black Shadow kill everything and everyone he wanted. This would be no walk in the park.
Probably.
Springer looked at the Officer of the Orn, then nodded. The Officer of the Orn grinned, then pressed a code on the remote he carried. The lock slipped and the door which was lit by electrical charge swung open slowly. They braced themselves for the charge.
It didn't come.
Blue Bacchus who knew in the end he'd get slagged good stood in place with a grin on his face. He laughed, then set himself. "Come get me, fraggers."
They would.
-0-Ops Center
"And that's what we got them for Christmas Surprise. Everyone gets a toy truck for their collection. The sparklings never make it past the vehicle bins at the store," Ratchet was saying as the adults around the room grinned. They had a great little toy vehicle collection in their offices from the sparklings giving them as presents. Half the joy of getting them was the detailed instructions the babies would impart once they were opened by their recipients. Ratchet grinned. "I have about ten now. I keep them in my desk at the office. You never know when you want to drive them and make car noises. I hear that's what human kids do as a rite of passage."
'I do believe you are right," Prime said. "I wonder what is taking them so long?"
-0-Dog run
They launched themselves into the small lockup, both Drift and Springer, grabbing arms and gripping whatever they could. Bacchus leaned back and pulled them in. Given the space had about two paces worth of width and two paces worth of length, having the three huge mechs inside together was a tight fit.
'Frag, Bacchus. You've put on a little weight," Springer said as he grappled with the big mech. Drift guffawed as he did the same.
Standing outside, watching with amusement, Bumblebee glanced at Hercy and Kup. "I think they need assistance." With that, he ran in and grabbed at Bacchus. At this point, just as Bee knew, the space inside was maxed out completely. There was no room to move and because it was so constricted, Drift, Bacchus and Springer were squished. Even Bacchus laughed loudly. "FRAG! WHAT'S KEEPING THE REST OF YOU!?" he asked.
"Common sense?" Hercy said with a calm tone and a slight grin.
"I think they need help. How about we see how many we can stuff in that pen?" Sunstreaker said to Lon and Bezel. Sideswipe who laughed loudly ran forward and shouldered Bee into the other three. Pushing in, he was trapped tightly against one side of the opening where the door would be if closed. "Frag. It's tight in here."
"Not tight enough," Sunstreaker said as he walked forward, pressed his shoulder into Bee and rammed himself inside. "Oh frag. It is," he said as the others groaned.
"Frag, this isn't going very well," Springer said as he was smashed tightly against Bacchus. "Is that a grenade in your subspace, Bacchus, or are you just happy to see me?" he asked.
Drift laughed, then tried to shift. He couldn't. His nose assembly was pressed against Bacchus's face. "You should have shaved, Bacchus," he said with a chuckle. "Bee, your face is crushing me."
"I doh," he barely managed as he stared at Drift's side. He was pressed intensely hard against him by Sunstreaker who was goading Hot Rod to join them.
"Go, Roddy," Smokey said as he glanced from the spectacle to his erstwhile lover. They had found themselves in the group together, though they hadn't spoken in two orns. Smokey was still slightly steaming with teenaged angst.
"You go, Smokey," Hot Rod replied.
"WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO GO!? WHAT'S KEEPING YOUR PEDS NAILED TO THE GROUND!?" he replied.
"Wow. You're still holding a grudge, I see. No talking to you tonight," Hot Rod replied.
"YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME IN TWO ORNS!" -Smokey
"And neither have you, SMOKESCREEN! WHY SHOULD I DO ALL THE CALLING!?" -Hot Rod
"Ah, young love. Kill me now," a guard said with a grin.
Hercy who was standing in between Hot Rod and Smokey looked up as the two turned on each other, oblivious to the crowd watching with amusement and the … whatever it was going on in the Cybertronian version of a telephone booth nearby. "Oh, frag," he said glancing at Kup who was chewing on his stogie as he enjoyed the show. "Trouble in paradise."
"Then maybe you can work it off," Roadbuster said as he gripped Hot Rod by the arm. Shoving him forward, he crammed him into Bacchus's cell. Facing out, his aft wedged between Bee and Sideswipe, Hot Rod was stuck. He stared at Roadie with astonishment, then tried to move. He couldn't.
Smokey who was THRILLED at the sight, stepped forward. "WELL, DON'T *YOU* LOOK STUPID!"
"DON'T BLAME *ME*! ROADIE! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" -HR
"What? I don't hear you, Roddy. I think I have a buzz in my audials," Roadbuster replied as he enjoyed the spectacle.
"FRAGGER!" -Hot Rod
"HAHAHAHAHAAHA! YOU LOOK STUPID!" -Smokey
"What now?" Lon asked as he stood beside Bezel and Kup, one watching the spectacle with astonishment, the other with amusement.
No. Astonishment is too small for what Bezel felt. All of them went up 10,000 notches in his book tonight.
"We wait and see what happens," Kup said. "This is a teachable moment." He glanced at the prison guards who were having a GREAT time as they took bets on the play. "What do you think? Teachable moment?"
"Sure." -all the guards including Roadie.
Especially Roadie.
"Well, who else can we cram into that can of sardines?" Kup said as he looked around.
"This one," Roadie said as he gripped Smokey. Dragging him forward, he tipped him upside down and stuffed him on top of everyone. Shoving hard, he got the majority of Smokey into the structure. Smokey, for his part, bopped his helm on the back wall, then slid downward until he was staring at the back of Blue Bacchus. "WHAT THE FRAG!?"
Roadie stepped back looking at his handiwork with a critical optic. "I think we've achieved maximum occupancy."
"I think you're right. Too bad Cliffjumper isn't here. We could cram him in right there," Kup said pointing at a small spot near the floor with his cygar.
Everyone nodded. "Too bad," they said.
"You trip over the fragger when you don't need him and when you do? You can't find him," Roadie said with a touch of regret.
"He's bonded and its … I haven't arrested him like I usually do," Lon said as Bezel stared at the spectacle mute and mesmerized. "Buzzie is good for him."
"Buzzie is good, period," Roadie said in agreement.
"Hey?" A weak ass voice sounded from the mash up in the cage. "How about … uh, how about helping here," Springer said, then he laughed. "I hate you guys."
"Not until Kup gets a bunch of pictures for social media," Hercy said because he was ornery and because he could.
"HEY! GET ME OUT OF HERE! MY FACE IS TOO CLOSE TO BLUE'S ARM PIT! SLAGGER! DON'T YOU EVER WASH YOURSELF!?" Smokey said as he tried to struggle out of the wedg(ie) e he was in.
HUGE laughter greeted that.
-0-Ops Center
"And that was when it all fell down and he sat up with a dazed look on his face. I told him, "You can't sneak in climbing up kegs, slagger." Ironhide grinned. "It was hilarious. He smelled like Kremzeek for a week."
Everyone laughed because most of them were there and highly liquored up. Now they knew the rest of the story. Prime grinned, then glanced at Prowl. "What's taking so long?"
"What about we go there ourselves?" Ironhide asked.
Prime thought a moment, then nodded. "Let's roll out."
They rose and as a group walked to the door to go to the prison. It was at the same time that Roadie was stuffing Smokey of Praxus into a small open space in top of the kennel.
-0-Moments later …
"And as you can see, we're doing important science here, Prime," Hercy said with a straight face and a serious tone.
Prowl stared at the confinement, then Hercy, then the confinement, Prime, Ratchet, the confinement …
Moments later …
Prime struggled to keep his laughter buried behind a straight face as the mechs were pulled out, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, a furious Smokey until he saw the entire senior Autobot command staring at him whereupon he stepped behind Lon and Bezel, Hot Rod who was struggling to keep his laughter from killing him by way of Prowl's fist to his face, Bee who wasn't holding it in and thereby drawing night duty at the TransWorld Highway Sensor Array Station like FOREVER from Prowl, Drift who staggered out backwards, then fell on his aft, and at last, Springer who popped out like a cork shot from a champagne bottle, then tripped over Drift and fell at Prowl's peds.
Prowl reflexively kicked him.
"WHAT THE FRAG, PROWL!" Springer said as he stood. Then everyone turned to Blue Bacchus. That mech staggered without a sound, then fell face first on the ground. Springer stared at him, then turned to Prime with a grin. "There you go."
It was then that Prime bellowed his laughter in a torrent. It probably could be heard on Charon, a place some of them were likely to spend the rest of their adult lives if Prowl had his way.
Moments later-er at the Control Center in the Prison …
Prime sat on a chair at the head of the table like some long suffering father of a family of chromosomal challenged hoodlums. Springer and Drift were standing by the door secretly fuming at life in general. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were having a ripping great conversation off line at the expense of everyone in the room, especially Bee. Bee was relating his tale off line to First Aid while Bezel and Lon were discussing the side of being a warrior that they didn't know existed … the lame brained sparkling side of things. Prowl sat beside Prime with a glazed expression as Ironhide and Ratchet discussed him off line in amusing tones. They were joined in that by their adult daughters and all of Ironhide's family. Half of them were pissed that they weren't there to see if they could fit in the dog kennel, too.
Blue Bacchus had been revived, then dragged into the room. He sat in his chair staring malevolently at everyone. He only vaguely remembered a torrent of abuse and laughter from Motormaster and Wild Rider in their pens down the way from his as he was dragged out by his peds by the guards. "What the frag was all that about, Prime? What the frag?"
"We were doing hard science, slagger. Sit up and answer the Prime or I'll taze your aft off," Hercy said unsubbing his electrical prod. He pressed the button and a thick wad of electricity shot straight up with a loud snap as ozone filled the room. "Nothing like a shot of plasma to clear the cobwebs," he said with a calm voice.
Blue Bacchus glanced sharply at Prime. "Is that it, now? You're going full Megatron on me?"
Prime shrugged. "I am a busy mech. Tell me about Razorclaw and you can go back to your phone booth."
HUGE, HUGE laughter was had off line but Bacchus wouldn't know by looking at them. Prime, however, was MIGHTILY entertained. "He has a fort. He has a big force. He wants to rule the universe. BLAH-BLAH-BLAH. Stop me if you've heard this before."
"I've heard he's menacing the area past where he thinks he rules," Ironhide said. "You're in our territory and therefore, that's a vain notion. You rule zip."
"Tell that to him. I live in a phone booth now," Bacchus said to Ironhide. "If you'd like, I'll call him for ya."
It was a testimony to everyone's game face that they didn't fall on the floor and laugh.
"Tell me things I do not know, Bacchus. Maybe I will tell you something you want to know," Prime said calmly.
"He's going to gather troops and overrun you. That's his game plan, such as it is. We're the Decepticons, Prime. We don't do details," Bacchus said.
"That's true," Devcon said as he sat nearby. "You might have noticed that you lost Cybertron if you did."
Prime did grin at that one. "We have Black Shadow."
"So I heard," Bacchus said. "I don't believe you but if it makes you happy, then fine."
"You're going into a high security prison and I don't see you getting out, slagger. Just so you know," Prowl said as he finally found his voice.
"Nothing like planning your orn," Bacchus said to Prowl with a spiteful smirk.
"Get him out of here," Prowl said coldly.
Roadbuster and the prison crew moved to Bacchus, dragged him to his peds and out the door. They watched him go as he cursed and laughed loudly. They would take the underground train to the prison stop and walk him back to his cell from there. It was safer and easier.
As they sat watching him go, Prowl slapped his servo on the table. "WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE FRAG WAS GOING ON AT THE PRISON!?"
Everyone stared at him, then a grinning Prime. "Yes. I would like to know, too," the big mech said.
Hercy grinned slightly. "Don't look at me. They blinded me with science."
HUGE laughter greeted that. A great deal of it was from Prime.
-0-TBC 12-20-17 edited 12-21-17 edited 1-4-18
Thomas Dolby, 'She Blinded Me With Science' is a very funny song.