The Diego Diaries: Partay! (dd6 231)
-0-At the party
"I have to say, Ratchet, that you manage to make things interesting," Delphi said as he sat again with another plate of food.
"You know, Delphi, when I think about it, I do," Ratchet said with a grin. "I was the morale officer for a zillion vorns. If not me, then who?"
Never give a slagger an opening …
"Some of us might HAVE some morale if you were normal," Prowl said.
Ratchet grinned at him, he grinned back. "Well, Prowler … let me say this about that," Ratchet said handing his plate to Prime once more. He rose up and towered over everyone.
Who were sitting down, that is.
"It was me that started infant football. I got the coaches together, the infants lined up, the quarry dug out and fixed into a playing pitch, the emblems, trophies, and publicity for the infants organized. From that, I got adult league football restarted-"
"You did that?" -everyone
"Yep." -Ratchet
"ALL HAIL, RATCHET!" -everyone
Ratchet grinned. "From that little pitch grew adult league which expanded into twelve and now twenty-four teams and three major stadiums. It's one of our most important exports to the allies and a major cultural artifact retrieval. Then, I sparked the Autobot Scouts into being, then T-Ball. I do remember once mentioning racing as well-"
"I remember that," Optimus said with a grin.
"Do you really?" Prowl asked. Prime nodded. "Don't. It only encourages him."
Huge laughter.
Ratchet smirked at Prowl, Prowl smirked at Ratchet. Then Ratchet continued. "Going back to T-Ball, infant football and the Autobot Scouts … I organize them, I get the coaches and referees, I get the pack leaders, the den mothers and all that slag … I designed the costumes, rewrote the manuals to fit our situation, organized the rules, got the different sports centers to make the gear for the players and their little teams, make sure it happens in the stadiums, organize the publicity for the winners and the players, get their transportation worked out and call the schools and care centers to remind them of things … all this slag I do every fragging season and you have the ..." Ratchet leaned in toward Ironhide and Prowl who were sitting side-by-side on a couch. "You have the !**GALL**! to give me slag about this?!"
The windows actually vibrated.
So did the audials of everyone on this floor.
For Prowl and Ironhide, it was like someone had blasted an air horn in their face. If they had any hair on their head, it would be frozen backwards, blown by the proverbial wind(bag) of Ratchet. As it was, they sat reverberating like a tuning fork for a moment. Prowl gazed up at Ratchet with a cool expression. "What was that? I didn't hear you?"
"OH FRAG! Don't say that. I figured you knew Old Mech by now?" Ironhide said quickly. "Don't poke the maniac."
HUGE laughter and a bag of admiration for Ratchet's sonic abilities was had, then Ratchet sat. "Slaggers."
"We need to go out on the town again," Prowl said as he gave Ratchet an appraising optic.
"I thought getting jailed a week ago had dimmed that prospect," Optimus asked with a grin.
"I heard about that," someone said. "I heard your ada got busted, Optimus. It was all over social media."
"Was it?" Kes asked with a smile. Everyone laughed. "At least, I was in good company. You cannot go on the town without us."
"Your squad is going, too," Madura said as he sat nearby eating dessert.
"I would feel abandoned in my joor of need if you didn't," Ratchet said.
The squad who was sitting around the room in various places was delighted. Half their bonds were and half weren't. Some of their children were happy and a few were clearly not. Ratchet watched their reactions and noted it was the usual suspects. Well, they would learn.
"I thought getting arrested was the highlight of the evening," Turbine said with a grin. "My religion students did as well. I find that very progressive of them."
"You're out of your mind, Amma. Whatever will Primus think?" Ironhide asked with a smirk.
"Primus was and is a sport, infant. You wouldn't deny your old amma a fun night out would you? Why the stories I could tell about your childhood-" Turbine began before Ironhide cut him off.
"WHAT THE FRAG! IS THIS KICK IRONHIDE IN THE CODPIECE NIGHT!?" he asked with a giant smile. He already knew the answer but it didn't hurt to get confirmation. He got it from everyone in the room, that is, everyone but Orion.
Orion who was standing near his Amma Doh-Doh turned to his father and watched as he was laughed at unmercifully. Feeling shocked and offended down to his tiny little Ironhide peds, he marched through the guests to pause in front of his father. He turned toward the room, then shook his finger, something he saw a bit in school among the bandits he ran with. "YOU! I, ORION, SAY TO YOU! NOT DOING TO HIM, ATAR!"
It was silent instantly. The tiny figure was outraged and it was fascinating and devastatingly cute. "YOU NOT HIM, SHES! HIM MY SHE! HIM MY ATAR! I GOING TO HIM TO DOING NOT YOU!" With that, he walked toward Twin Twist and slapped his ped with his tiny servo. He stepped back as the size differential between them finally computed. Afraid but undaunted, he backed up to Ironhide, then assumed the stance Sensei Willa taught him and raised his tiny fists. "YOU NOT DOING TO ATAR! I, ORION, FIGHTED LOU, BAD ONES! I DOING THIS FOR MY SHE!"
It was incredibly silent a moment, then Hardie stood up and collected Orion. Carrying him to his chair, he sat, then set the baby on his lap. He looked at Ironhide who looked all misty with pride and then his appa. "APPA! I GOING TO DOING! THEMS DOING TO ATAR!" He made his deeply shocked face for two reasons … one, he WAS shocked and two, he just remembered he slapped someone. "They made Atar crying."
"Did they?" Hardie asked.
Everyone looked at Ironhide and it looked like they might have, so proud was he of his pint-sized mini me trying to 'save him'. Then they looked at Orion who was beginning to feel uncertainty. One, he had slapped someone and two, he was the center of attention and he didn't know what kind it was. He also wasn't standing in front of his old pa so he had no one to 'save him' from everyone. "Appa? You mad me, Orion?"
"No, infant. You were very brave. Did you think they were going to be mean to your old atar?" Hardie asked.
He nodded. "THE SHES! THEY DOING!" He looked around with a crabby face at everyone in the room. "They not bees good to she," he said pointing at Ironhide.
"I think they were kidding," Hardie said. "Joking." Orion stared at him, then Hardie kissed his helm. "Funny."
Orion looked around at the smiling group including Uncle Osimus and his ada. He looked at Hardie a moment. "The shes funny to Atar?"
Hardie nodded. "Yes."
Orion grinned slowly, then covered his mouth with his servo. He chuckled. "ATAR FUNNY!?"
"Atar is a laugh riot," Hardie said with a grin.
Orion turned his head to see Ironhide who was giving him oceans of love with his emotional optics. "ATAR! YOU FUNNY!?"
Ironhide nodded. "Yep," he managed.
Orion slid down, then walked to the area in front of Ironhide. He walked to Twin and patted his ped. Then he kissed it. "You, she, good. I, Orion, good you." He kissed his ped again, then walked around the room making amends, kissing peds and getting hugs. "I good you, shes. My atar good. I, good, Orion. You good?" he asked in his funny quizzical manner. "I good you."
It was hilarious.
-0-Out there
Ominous stood in the clearing where a fort would begin to rise. He had won the discussion among the mechs from the four groups that were heading this way when it was clear that Prime and his arsenal would discourage that. Razorclaw had disappeared but after making a call, they had talked. Another plan had taken shape in the discussion. They would be connected even if they were far apart. No one would make the mistake of trying to cross Prime's territory. It was a zero sum game.
Even though Razorclaw commanded over a quarter of a million individuals and he, himself had seventy-five thousand, they were in no shape to take on the massive might of Prime. They would have to keep gathering strength and make alliances. Until they were strong enough, they would bide their time and dig in. He would make a fort here, this place between Fort Recluse and Fort Cybertron. They would never be off the Prime's sensors. It would be interesting to see what they would be allowed to get away with.
Energon, building materials and allies were all around them. They would dig in, build their own installations and watch what would happen. As they did, the Seekers with them would be biding their time to slip away and heed the call of the Great Elder, just a long frantic flight away.
-0-Later that night
Ratchet sat in his chair with a 'wine spritzer' and half a dozen drowsy infants on his lap. Around him, the place was humming. The adults of the family and a number of friends, hangers on and the Squad were getting things in order. The party had wound down with any number wandering out as they vowed to be there in the morning for Santa Prime. Having been told to sit and relax, Ratchet did.
Mechs were putting furniture back to where it was supposed to be, dishes were consolidated and parted out. Elders would be taking a lot of good food home to eat on the next orn or so given that every store on-world would be closed tonight. The big mechs, minus Raptor who had to attend to something, walked around picking up slag, shooting the breeze with their friends and putting the place back together, were busy as beavers.
Ironhide who was washing dishes grinned at his amma. "Amma, just go sit down. I, Ironhide, have spoken."
"I, Turbine, brevit GENERAL of the Army, say pass me more dishes to dry, infant. You know you wanna," Turbine said. "YOU CUTE LITTLE INFANT, YOU!"
Ironhide preened just a bit, then complied. "Where's Appa?"
"He had something he had to do," Turbine said.
They worked together getting things sorted out as Raptor walked back in, then picked up Orion and Praxus. "Dibs."
Hardie reached for and retrieved Halo from Ironhide. "Dibs. Also, Hero."
"What? Halo is still in the wrapper," Ironhide said as the others gripped Prowler, Sunspot and Spot. The big kids were still at their Appa and Ammas house and might be staying there overnight. Prime and Company had just left and all that were there was the odd worker bee and the family. "That'll leave me with the ball and chain. DON'T LEAVE ME!"
A stomp on a ped ended that hoo-haw as they sat watching everything but the kitchen sink disappear out the door with family and friends. Delphi grinned. "We have a crib for the baby, a bottle in case Halo needs one and Hero to straw boss. Things are about perfect."
"I get to help, Ada. Isn't that nice?" Hero said sleepily.
"No," Ironhide muttered as the remaining crew walked out the doors and they closed behind them. It was silent, too silent as they stared at the doors, then each other. "Frag, Ironhide. I think this means we have to talk to each other. Whatever shall we do?"
Ironhide grinned. "I don't know. How about a Merry Christmas Eve frag?"
Ratchet laughed. "Ho, ho, talley ho, slagger." He arose, then pulled Ironhide to his peds.
"I AM SANTA IRONHIDE! I DELIVER!"
And he did.
-0-TBC 12-28-17 Snicker. I love Ironhide. edited 1-7-18
NOTES:
Brevit ranks: A brevet rank was an honorary promotion given to an officer (or occasionally, an enlisted man) in recognition of gallant conduct or other meritorious service. They served much the same purpose that medals play today (our modern system of medals did not exist at the time of the Civil War).