Disclaimer: I do not own any of SOA they belong to Kurt Sutter and FX, nor do I own Criminal Minds, I can only lay claim to my Oc's and my idea's.

Chapter 16

After going over everything we had learnt that night, it was late and everyone turned in. I knew sleep wasn't to be my friend tonight so I got up and went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, when Ryder came walking in a few minutes later.

"I figured you wouldn't be sleeping much tonight, you realize it is 4:30 in the morning right?" Ryder asked me

"Yeah, I know I have to face them sooner rather than later, I can't keep the twins hidden away out here. Being back here I realized how much I miss my family and even after all these years apart I still am very much in love with my husband, I just can't forgive him for sleeping with that hoe." I said as I took a sip of my tea and placed my mug in the sink and walked away, I walked back to my room, crawled into bed and tried to catch a few hours' sleep before my day would start again.

** back at the club house**

Jax was lying on his bed in his dorm room just looking up at the ceiling, thinking about the last 5 years, where did it all go wrong, when did it all go wrong, he had a beautiful wife who he loved with all his heart and would never cheat on and somehow he did just that not once but twice, he has no memory of sleeping with Tara that night in Indian Hills, nor the night that Remy had walked in on. Pictures don't lie and she had pictures, both times Tara was riding me, the only reason you could tell it was me was by the ring on my left hand. I couldn't really blame Remy for leaving me, cheating was always a deal breaker with her. I admit when she first left I was angry and jumped off the deep end of the pool so to speak and buried myself in booze and pussy, Wendy was a tired time out, I was tired of being alone, so I began a relationship with her all the while hoping that one day Remy would come home. I loved Wendy in my own way, I was just not in love with her, like she was with me and that was on me, I feel bad that I had hurt her the way that I did, when I found out she was pregnant I bailed not because I didn't want a child, but because she was having my child, that was supposed to be me and Remy, Remy was my wife, she was to have my children it was to be her, my life was supposed to be with Remy. I ran from Wendy and hide out at the club house for weeks on end. After about a month my mother started getting on my case about me never being home with Wendy, she was carrying my child after all. To shut my mother up I went to Wendy's house to talk to her and found her place to be a mess, I told her if we were to make this work she had to clean up her act, everything was going good for a while then Valentine's day came around and it all went to shit again, Wendy and I had a big fight and I took off for the club house there was a party going on, that is when I hooked up with Tara, I could actually remember. Over the next few weeks Tara seemed to become a permanent figure in my life, she was always at the club house or stopping by my house uninvited, slowly I started to see changes in the way she acted and dressed she was trying to fill a set of shoes she could never fill. She wasn't my old lady; she wanted to act like a croweater so I treated her as one. When Able was born because Wendy had been using drugs during her pregnancy, I blamed myself; I walked out on her and took up with Tara in away. The whole time wishing either women was some else. Able was almost 4 months old when he finally came home, Wendy was doing good she was going into sober living at the end of the week, after he was to be released from the hospital. Then Donna was killed I felt so lost and didn't know how to help my best friend, my brother deal with the pain he was feeling, I may have lost Remy and that hurt like hell but, it was nowhere near the pain Opie was feeling. I had told Wendy she could stay at my house until she went into sober living this way she got to spend some time with Able. Once again I fucked up and slept with Wendy the night Donna was killed, I just needed to feel, to feel something anything other than the pain I was feeling for my best friend. I made it clear to Wendy the next day that we were not back together, I wanted her to get better and once she was whole again, we could talk about us, but for right now there couldn't be an us, I thought she understood I was trying to protect her, she needed to get better on her own and for herself, for Able, not for me. A few days later she was admitted to the hospital with what appeared to be a drug over dose, when she woke up and saw me she tried to apologize for her moment of weakness and promised she would get help and get cleaned for Able. I wanted to believe her I just couldn't. I walked away from her yet again and this time it killed her, she OD'd that night in the hospital. I was left to raise Able by myself. Now Remy was here, was she back, would she leave once the cases are solved. I needed to talk to her; I need to know if she still loves me, if there is a chance for us, I want her to be Able's mother the way it should have always been. I don't know when sleep over took me but the next thing I know it's morning and someone is banging on my door, I jump out of bed and pull the door open to see who it is and it's Tara, "What" I snapped she was the last person I wanted to see right now, I had so many things going through my head at the moment and couldn't deal with the drama that is Tara Knowles,

"You didn't come home last night, I waited at your house for over 2 hours, you didn't answer my calls I got worried about you." She said as she moved to touch my chest and I slowly backed away from her touch. Remy was back and I was going to do whatever I had to, to get my wife back, once I get my son back and be the family we should have always been.

"What's wrong baby, did something happen last night?" she asked as she tried to touch me again, this time I caught her wrist and placed her hand by her side.

"We need to talk, whatever this was between us is over" I said when I was cut off by Tara,

"Babe you don't mean that I'm your Old Lady everyone knows that." She said, this pissed me off,

"You're not my Old Lady, you were never my Old Lady, nor were you ever going to be my Old Lady, I have an Old Lady and you are not her.' I spat in her face,"

"What do you mean I'm not your Old Lady yes I am, I have been here for you through all the shit you have gone through since she left and didn't bother to look back. An Old lady doesn't run away when things get to hard to handle, she ran like the little bitch that she is." I didn't wait to hear what was going to come out of her mouth next, I had my hand wrapped around her throat and her up against the wall and I was squeezing, I never laid a hand on a women before, but Tara just pushed a button she shouldn't have pushed.

"Don't you dare speak about her like that; you couldn't even walk a day in her shoes. She left because of what I did to her by being with you" I told her before I released my hold on her and she slide down the wall.

She sat on the floor rubbing her neck, she just looked at me and I said "Get out we're over, finished no more, do you get it, I'm done." I said turning around to go into the bathroom in my room, when I heard her say.

"Your still in love with her, even after she left you, just walked away and left you like you were some piece of trash, your still in love with her." She said as she picked herself up off the floor by the door, she pointed between us and said "This isn't over" and walked out the door slamming it behind her, I just rubbed my hands up and down my face and turned around to enter the bathroom I needed a shower this was going to be a long day.