Chapter XXXIII: Demons

She had been raised in darkness. No, she was told she had been.

She had known darkness. No, the darkness was just beginning.

It was getting closer. It was catching up to her.

It burned. Like black flames.

No. It burned someone else.

The black flames danced around her. From it dark clouds formed so big they covered everything her eyes could see… and then, they were so powerful she could not see at all.

It was a scary pitch-back.

It was silent and remote.

She wished there was someone with her.

She wanted to call out to someone… but she didn't think anyone would come.

She started running, flurried till exhausted.

She dropped to her knees, trying to gather her breath. She closed her eyes shut and then… a light came to her. It seemed a long way. No matter, she ran to it, afraid that the darkness would consume her before she reached it.

She lost her way, and the previous light she had seen was nowhere to be found. Though desperate to find it, she found something else… it was bright, but not like the light. It was yellow. It was red. The flames again.

And then… was she not alone anymore?

She could hear what could be nothing but… blood-curling screams. Screams of pain. Screams of agony.

It was unbearable. She thought she'd go mad.

She started screaming just as savagely; knowing that no one would come to her. Just like the screamer knew no one would come to him.

She couldn't stand it. She couldn't stop screaming.

Shout.

Shout.

Shout.

Incoherent.

Scary.

"Leia!" she heard but it sounded far away, too far to even be of help.

"Leia!"

Her screams were enough to make a sane person go mad. She felt that way about the other screams she could hear.

"Leia! Wake up!"

The screams made her wish she were deaf.

"Leia!" her father shook her, finally getting her to wake up.

The Princess twisted in her bed, she screamed once more, this time hurting her vocal chords in a way that made her think she'd never be able to speak again. She sobbed in her own hands. She blinked a dozen times before she could distinguish the scene around her.

She was in her father's arms, he was crying with her. Padmé and Luke sat at either side of the bed, they looked at her gravely though more put together than she'd expected.

"Are you all right?" Padmé asked. "My dear, I will stay with you if you want."

Leia shook her head. "N-no. Why are you here?"

"You were screaming, Leia. We all thought you were being attacked." Luke said.

"It was a nightmare, Leia," Anakin said. "There's no shame in it."

She felt very much ashamed.

"We're all hurting you, my princess," Padmé said, sorrowfully. "I'm so sorry you saw me and your father fight—"

"What?" Leia said, as if she had just woken up.

"Leia…"

"Get out of my room." She suddenly said. "Everyone! Out!"

She freed herself from Anakin's arms. She stood and aggressively pushed everyone out.

When the three other Skywalkers were at the other side of the door, Padmé broke down and cried. "Keep pushing me out," she said, to no one in particular. "I don't have the Force, but I am also bound to all of you… Our family is being destroyed, and I don't know how to save it!" she cried in despair.

"We're certainly not helping," Luke said after she was gone.

"I am trying," Anakin sighed.

"Must be horrible," Luke said.

"What, son?"

"I've experienced very little of Force visions… but they do feel remarkably real."

"What are you talking about, son?"

"You have nightmares, too." Luke stated.

Anakin gulped.

"I thought you said there was no shame in it?" Luke questioned.

"What would you know about my nightmares?" Anakin dodged.

"Not a lot, yet more than I wish to know, Father."

"What are her nightmares about?" Anakin asked in a most pained voice.

"I don't know," Luke breathed. "And I am truly afraid of asking."

"Afraid of her response?"

"Afraid she might be truthful. I know she's suffered. And though you don't know of what, you know it, too. I don't think either of us could take her pain… So we should probably do nothing to increase it," he said, raising an eyebrow.

Anakin frowned at him.

"I'd never hurt her."

"You promised my mother you'd never hurt her. Your word lost its worth long time ago, Father."

"Do you know your words border on insolence now, son?"

"Do they?" he grinned. "That's a danger I do not wish to experience right now, at this hour. Good night, Father. I'm going back to sleep. Ah, stop that look. I have no plans of leaving without saying anything— for now, that is. Go to sleep in tranquility… if you can."

Like I would.

Standing outside his daughter's door, he had no idea of where to go in his castle.

Padmé had been serious when she said he could not go into her chambers, he knew that look too well. He almost wished to not give a damn and go to her either way, but even he had had enough on this awful night.

He went back to his office. He laid down on the couch, but he was afraid, truly now, of going to sleep now.

He could not deal with his nightmares—especially as he could not stop thinking about what Leia's could be.

He fought his eyes to keep them open, yet being sleep depraved proved to be too much, at last, and he dozed off.

Morning dawned with all its depressing qualities.

It was hard getting out of bed, Leia wandered around and through the sheets with the intention of rising, yet again and again failing, deciding there was no point.

She felt caged in her spacious bedroom. How different life had been before… It made no sense in her head. She had begged the Force for a piece of her home; now that she obtained it, alongside her entire family, why did she feel so empty? Why was everything so wrong?

Sighing, crestfallen and weak, she started her day. She had no idea of what could be done. Perhaps a little fresh air would do her good…

She sat in the wide garden, in solitude, trying to find some peace, some guidance, which seemed impossible. Why did he go? Why did Han leave her like that? Why couldn't she believe her father about it?

He wouldn't lie. He's my own father!

But Han just would not abandon her without a word.

He did it, though.

Oh don't cry. Don't be affected by it. Reach out to the living Force, Leia…

She would not break down over a man, a man who cared nothing for her.

She envisioned the darkness, immensity that is space. She saw herself flying through it. Without help yet never helpless. Powerful. The Sith that she is; or that she will be…

Breathed deeply… in and out… In. Out. Breathe.

Han.

She was not in solitude.

She could still feel him—

"Leia?" she heard her father's voice and immediately opened her eyes. "Why are you startled? I didn't mean to. Were you meditating?"

"I… yes."

"May we join you?"

Luke was with him.

Leia eyed him angrily. She still couldn't look at him for more than a couple seconds.

She nodded.

"I rather think the three of us could really use some meditation…" Anakin said. He always appeared taller and older when he instructed them, Leia remembered. "Sit down, children."

Luke sat facing Leia.

"What were you envisioning Leia? A sea?"

"Space."

"Ah. Not bad. Tell us the image you saw."

She vacillated. "I saw… the deep, absolute black darkness. Myself, completely alone."

"Good. Picture yourself like that Luke."

"That doesn't sound relaxing," Luke said. "It sounds rather claustrophobic."

"Hush. Try it."

"All right. Alone… in space…"

"In power," Leia whispered. "All the power is mine. No one can take it."

"If the power is all mine—" Anakin said.

"Victory is mine." Leia finished. "They can't win against me… I won't let them… Stop!" she screamed.

Luke and Anakin jumped. "What?" they cried in unison.

Leia shook her head and rubbed her forehead.

"What did you see now, Leia?" Anakin asked.

"Perhaps we can continue some other time…" Luke said, carefully, noticing tears cornering on Leia's always pained eyes.

"No," she quickly said. She took another deep breath. "Father, where did you find this?" she touched the lightsaber that hung down her waist. She had not ignited it since she recovered it.

Anakin looked away. "In the rebel base in Yavin."

"Yavin…" Leia wandered off. "I say we should start the training again."

Now Luke shook his head.

"Are you sure, Leia?" Anakin questioned.

"Quite." She rose and ignited her weapon. The red blade felt now almost odd on her hands. She remembered the last lightsaber she had used. The Jedi weapon.

Luke sighed. "I don't have my lightsaber with me," he said.

"You can use mine," Anakin handed him the lightsaber.

Luke seemed cornered. Leia smiled wickedly.

The twins faced each other, two hellish red blades shinning loud.

Luke gave two steps back, three forward. Leia didn't move.

Anakin watched them closely.

Leia was the first to attack, Luke deflected her easily.

They went back and forth like they usually did.

"It's almost comical," Leia breathed, suddenly. "It's ridiculous!"

"What, child?"

"For you to make us think this is how it's going to be… this training, Father. Forgive me, it feels artificial."

"I don't get what you mean—watch your back!"

Leia spun and jumped high. "Do you think I feel in danger now?" she said, sounding as if she were struggling with rage. "While you watch us? With Luke. Here in the castle?" she tried hitting him again. She grunted when she missed. She tried again, angrier, she almost got him but when he deflected her, he also kicked her. She fell into the grass. "It's like a bed of—it is a bed of flowers! Why try to make me think it will be like this in conflict?!" she jumped and turned around. "It's not."

Luke seemed nervous.

"Father, did you find out what my injuries were?"

Anakin paled. "I haven't the chance to look into it, Leia. But—"

"I looked at it briefly the other day," she said. "I could hardly believe I survived all that: blaster fire, hits, bruises, scratches, trauma—lightsaber wounds."

Anakin and Luke gulped. They stared at Leia sorrowfully.

"You…" Anakin breathed with difficulty. "You encountered the Jedi."

"I fought the Jedi," Leia clarified, gritting her teeth.

Anakin closed his eyes. "Where?"

Luke and Leia stared at each other.

"Father," Leia brushed away tears, rudely rubbing her eyes. "How did Han Solo go?"

"What? Don't change the subject, and answer the question."

"You answer me first!"

"Have care of the tone you use with me, young lady—"

"Did you lie to me? Where did he go? Why did he go?!"

"Leia! You want the truth… fine. You will have it. That man was a criminal, there was a bounty after him—"

"Why did he go?!"

"I paid him! 80,000 credits and he promised to never see you again! It was not hard to find his price. He said you offered him so much, besides the trouble you put him through. Apparently, you caused damage on his trash-can ship—"

"Enough! Stop it, father!"

"You demanded the truth, Leia. Handle it as you might."

"Father," Luke intervened. "Don't be cruel."

"I've had it with you two," Anakin seemed incensed. "You cannot speak to me like that. No more back talk!"

"Fine!" Leia turned around, ashamed they should see her tears.

"Leia, we're not done here! Leia come back!" Anakin cried in vain, she kept running away, back into the castle.

80,000… 80,000… she felt abased. Mercenary. Cold-hearted low-life.

Stop crying. Stop crying! She felt enraged at herself for letting herself be so affected.

"My Princess?" Padmé met her in a hallway.

Oh no. "Leave me alone!" she cried. "I can't anymore. Please let me alone!"

Padmé threw her arms around her. "Never, my little girl. Never!"

Leia cried on her shoulder.

"I feel so much pain," Leia sobbed; allowing her pain out.

"I know, I know…"

They entered the drawing room and sat together. "The training went as well as I expected then?"

Leia grinned. "Mother… Do you think father would tell me a lie?"

Padmé did a double take. "If he considered it would do you good, it is possible."

"What if he saw it could only destroy me?"

"Oh I don't know, Leia. Why do you ask?"

"Mother, while I was away, I met someone. He was good, I just know it. And he cared about me and I… I am afraid something terrible happened to him!"

"My darling, I have not questioned you over what you went through, but if you feel it would do you good to talk about it?"

"No! Not yet."

"Okay."

"I just… I want to feel like a can trust Father. I want to be sure that what they said about him isn't true. The cruel emperor and my father can't be the same person!"

Padmé trembled. "And if they were, Leia?"

"No, don't say that! That would mean that you, too… oh I can't say it!"

"Let me help you, please."

"All right. I can't give you information… but can you?"

"Anything, my dear." She looked serious. "I promise."

Leia breathed some confidence into her tongue. "Mother, you served in the Old Republic. Can you say it was fair for the Empire to take over?"

Padmé looked ahead of her daughter, into the past. "I've thought about that every day for the last twenty years, Leia."

That doesn't answer the question.

"Were the Jedi truly evil, mother?"

"There's evil in all of us, and in the actions we sometimes do, Leia. Though, I am sure their intentions weren't ever evil."

Did they lie? Did the rebels? Did the… Jedi? On these answers could her entire life hang… she couldn't formulate them out loud. Luke was right. She couldn't handle the truth. But the time was coming when she had to. No other option.

"Is my Father evil?"

Padmé was silent.

"I am so afraid because… in spite of all that I went through… I am sure, I never saw true evil till—till I looked into his eyes! There were demons in his eyes when I spoke to him and I defied him… when he attacked you last night. Mother, are you not afraid of him?"

Padmé shed one tear, one that she couldn't hold back anymore. "Of him? Not. Of what he can do?" Sighed. "Terrified."

Leia was in despair. "Mother," a new questioned came to her, she said it before she even thought it through. "Who is Obi-Wan Kenobi?"

Throughout their difficult disclosure Padmé had been put together enough, but at the mention of that name she lost it. She almost fell back, the name having a powerful effect Leia could not comprehend, and certainly had not expected.

"Where," Padmé was excessively pale and breathless, "did you hear that name?"

"He was Father's old master? He is a Jedi?"

"Is?" Padmé's image disturbed Leia. "You speak of him in present."

"Yes, mother. I know where he's been. I've seen the Jedi."

Leia knew the treachery that came with her words. She should have denounced the old Jedi as soon as she came back to the castle. Padmé was a righteous woman. She lived for law. She would be disappointed in Leia. She would now scold. But she didn't. Oh why didn't she?

Leia expected many things from this revelation. The emperor's wife, Queen Amidala, would surely think of the Jedi as a criminal. She would want to know where he's been hiding. What he's been doing. Who helped him.

But Padmé didn't ask any of that.

She asked, instead, with the most shocking smile and relief Leia had seen in her entire life, "Obi-Wan is alive?!"

Leia could have answered maybe not calmly or normally, but she could have said the word yes, but for the sudden darkness she felt around her. Caging and apprehending the room. Anakin was standing by the door. And the demons in his eyes scared mother and daughter beyond anything that had ever done so before.