The Diego Diaries: Barbecue (dd6 251)
-0-That night in the House-e-enda
"What the frag. Are you bringing the entire apartment?" Ironhide asked as he looked at the boxes stacked up by the door.
"We have a few kids, slagger. It's not like you and me crouching in a bomb hole sucking on rocks," Ratchet said as he turned toward Ironhide with a smile. "You have the carrier decked out, right? We can always use the runabout to put Halo in if things get weird. You can shack up there, too. Little femme can't be alone in the night."
"Good idea," Ironhide said. "What's that box filled with?"
"Your slagging barbecue," Ratchet said with a grin. "I have a lot of stuff in the refrigerator. Did you read up on it like I told you?"
"Uh," he said pausing a moment. "I just did. Frag this idea, Old Mech. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO HERE!?"
"Sit on MY aft while you lazy slaggers pull your own weight for once," Ratchet said.
"Appa said he was going to get Amma to do the work," Ironhide said as he peered into the box.
"Which one?" Ratchet asked.
"DOES IT MATTER?!" Ironhide asked.
Ratchet grinned. "You're a piece of work. Let's hit the hay. Tomorrow waits for no one."
They did.
-0-Alor and Blackjack
Blackjack parked his son in bed, then walked back out to the kitchen. He paused beside Alor. "What are you doing?"
"I'm saving your sorry aft," Alor said as he seasoned the 'meat' at hand. It was a brisket, it was being encrusted with 'rub' which Alor rubbed, then foil was wrapped around it. He also did the same with something he called ribs, another slab of energon-based 'meat'.
Blackjack watched the gourmet cook work his magic, then put everything in foil back into the refrigerator. Inside, there were covered dishes.
"What's all that?" Blackjack asked.
"That, you lazy aft, are the barbecue 'sides' … side dishes that they serve at barbecues," Alor said. "That's a potato salad-"
"POTATOES!" Blackjack said with a grin. "Warrior food. What else?"
"I also made barbecue beans, a salad-"
"Salad. A Decepticon invention. Continue," he said as he pulled out a jar of large sweet pickles. Opening it, he popped three or four inside, recapped it and slid it inside.
"Piggy," Alor said with a grin. "I also made deviled eggs-"
"AWESOME!"
"Corn bread in the covered pan over there and butter that we can heat up and dip onto it. I love melted butter," Alor said.
"It's nectar of the gods," Blackjack agreed.
"That set of things are all the food and treats for Scout. That's a big number of sliced tomatoes … beef steak size. I love them," Alor said as he grinned at Blackjack who was smirking. "Big freak. Eat your veggies. That bowl is onions in vinegar."
"I love vinegar. What flavor?" Blackjack asked.
"Vinegar," Alor said with a grin. "That big thing in the back in the cake case is a cherry chocolate cake, just like you like, ba-bee."
Blackjack grinned. "I think I'll keep ya."
"I thought I'd change you in for a newer, younger model," Alor said as he shut the door. "Don't say I never did anything for ya."
"Okay. I won't," Blackjack said as he grinned. "I can't wait to see what Ratchet's going to do. That mech is a caution."
"He is," Alor said. "Now sit down and figure out what you're going to say if anyone asks you about barbecuing ribs and brisket. You better know what to say."
"I do. You take it between your fingers and eat it," Blackjack said. "How's that for an answer?"
"Your father is going to kick your aft," Alor said.
-0-Raptor and Turbine
"And this is the salad-"
"I don't eat salads, Turbine. You must have a fever to have forgotten that," Raptor said as he stood beside Turbine with his servo resting on the big mech's aft.
Turbine grinned at him, then pointed to other things. "I made bread myself, slagger, and there it is all 'growed' up." A container with immaculate buns was sitting on the counter. "I also made special flavored butter. This is the beans, this is the corn and this is the dessert."
"Ah, pies. You're my hero. A Maker's maker," Raptor said with a smile. "Let's test it to see if it tastes good."
"Frag you, lazy butt. This goes out the way it is. I've fastened the boxes. The ribs and brisket are going to stay in the fridge until we go," Turbine said.
"Hurry up tomorrow," Raptor said with a smirk.
-0-Hard Drive and Delphi
"Then you take this and rub it in, Hardie," Delphi said as he sat on the couch reading to directions to his bond.
Hardie did. "Then we wrap it?"
"Yes," Delphi said.
Hardie did, then put the 'meat' into the fridge. "What's next, Delph?"
"A pot of barbecue beans, then the potato salad," Delphi said. "How are your pies doing?"
Hardie peered into the oven, then glanced at Delphi. "Browning."
"Good," Delphi said. "Peel the potatoes, Hardie. I'll tell you what to do next."
He would.
-0-Hercy and Kup
"That's looking good," Kup said.
"This food is nice. Should taste really good. I'm going to simmer these beans for a while, then we can put them in the refrigerator. What about the pies?"
Hercy looked into the ovens. "Both of them are browning."
"Looks fine. I wonder how many are going to cheat?" Kup said with a grin.
"Enough to make it interesting," Hercy said with a smile. "Help me with these buns, Kup."
He would. They would also eat a few before they boxed them up.
Warrior food.
-0-Bluestreak
He put the last box by the door, then turned to the twins who were lounging on the couches. The kids were in bed, the place was boxed up and the gear was ready to go. "Lazy afts. This was supposed to be your thing, not mine."
"We'll put in on the grill, Blue," Sideswipe said. "If anyone asks, we'll give you credit."
"Wow. So much love," Blue said with a grin. "Slaggers."
"You knew that going in," Sunstreaker said as he pulled the big winger down on his lap.
-0-The next orn
They drove to the airfield near the Fortress to fill their rented runabout with boxes. Others were there and they waved before taking off as Ratchet unloaded Ironhide into the vehicle. The kids were with the dreads waiting to come with the rest of the family. All of their gear had been stuffed into Ironhide and he had wheezed his way to the airfield with Ratchet. When it was all off loaded, he transformed, then turned to Ratchet. "WHAT THE FRAG, OLD MECH! DID YOU CHECK MY DEBRIS CHUTE!? I'M SURE THAT THERE MUST BE A TENT OR TWO STILL THERE!"
Ratchet laughed loudly, then tweaked Ironhide's pug nose. "You're so cute."
"I am aren't I," Ironhide said with a grin.
"Everyone's coming. Expect it to be a tight fit," Ratchet said as a number of cabs began to arrive. Everyone was coming for the party and indeed, it would be a tight fit.
-0-At the Valles
Runabout after runabout began to land at the parking lot of the campground. Mech after mech stepped out and began to haul their slag to the trail upward. The rangers there directed them to their campsite as more and more came. It would take a long time for them to arrive and in the midst, Prowl and Prime's family group along with Ironhide's would arrive as well.
-0-At the airfield
"Everyone in?" Ratchet asked.
"Where are you going to sit, Ratchet?" Appa Ratchet asked. Everyone was packed like sardines in the ship along with their baggage. There was no room for Ratchet.
He looked around the vehicle, then glanced at the rental vehicles who were all claimed or already gone. He grinned as he walked to the front of the ship, then climbed up on the hood. Gripping the vehicle, magnetizing himself, he grinned through the windows of the runabout as he lay spreadeagled on it. "FLY ME TO THE MOON, ONLY ONE!" he bellowed.
Ironhide who was pilot this time laughed loudly, then powered up. Lifting off, he flew toward the Valles to camp.
-0-Springer, Drift, Hercy, Kup, Sandstorm, the twins, Bluestreak, the children, Bee, First Aid, Cliffjumper and Buzzie along with a large a number of others getting organized to fly to the Valles nearby
"Look at that."
Everyone turned toward Drift, then the direction he was pointing. Overhead, just above them, a runabout was flying. It looked packed to the rafters but the best part was Ratchet laying on the hood spreadeagled with a big smile on his face. They watched him fly over, then disappear into the sky toward the Valles.
It was silent a moment.
"Damn … Ironhide is a lucky fragger," Hercy said.
Everyone nodded. Then they humped it to get loaded and on the way.
-0-At the Valles
Prowl and Prime were unloading their vehicle when they looked up to see a heavily laden runabout appear nearby. Venture and Miler, Kestrel and Tagg along with most of those coming to the campground and their kids paused long enough to see who else was flying in. They all stared silently as a vehicle made its way to the landing spot near the others. On the hood, Ratchet was splayed, hanging on with a death grip. It landed gently, then Ratchet slid off, staggering backward to land on his aft.
Prowl glanced at Prime, then stepped closer. "Loon?"
Ratchet glanced at Prowl, then grinned. "Hi, Prowler."
Prowl stared at him, then Ironhide who sort of popped out of the crammed vehicle. It was then that everyone else began to pile out, a Cybertronian clown car of a pile up that included scandalized genitors and loudly laughing children. Prowl turned toward Prime, then back to Ratchet and the madness. "This doesn't look good for us, does it, Optimus?"
Optimus who finally jolted out of his surprise glanced at Prowl. "I think I have to agree," he said as he began to laugh loudly.
Bedlam began and would last a bit.
-0-At the campsite
"You can't be normal can you," Prowl said.
"Where would be the fun in that?" Ratchet asked as both of them watched Prime inflate the tents and sleeping bags. "Like Prime. Look at the genuine happiness on his little face."
Prime was laughing loudly as the tents and sleeping bags flew off his servo. Watching him as he did, a passel of infants gathered at his feet. They were as tickled by the spectacle as he was. Ratchet glanced at Prowl. "So … how much did you cheat?"
Prowl stared at him with The Look even as the evening previous came to mind …
The door opened and a number of younglings entered with boxes from The Catering Place. They put them into the kitchen while Prowl watched to make sure no one entered to see. Prime was in the office and the children were playing elsewhere. When the delivery kids left, he hurried back to the kitchen, pulled a number of covered dishes out of cupboards and began to unload the containers of food into them as artistically as he could. He grinned as he put them into the fridge, then pulled out more things.
Foil wrapped 'barbecue' ready to be grilled was placed in the fridge, a sheet cake that he put on the counter and a number of bread items joined it. Looking at the cake, he pulled out a several icing devices and began to decorate it with the greatest of precision. It would take a bit of time before he finished. He looked at it carefully, then grinned. Chibi versions of Optimus and the kids graced the cake top. "Cute," he said. Putting it into the fridge, he looked at the rest. It would take only a few moments to get it organized, enough time for Prime to pause by the door behind him and catch him red handed.
But Prime being Prime, he would walk back out silently. He would go back to his office and shut the door, dial up the soundproofing and laugh his aft off to his spark's content.
At the Valles …
They set up the camp, then their little barbecue grills. They were arrayed in a circle around the fire pit, the one with the cook stoves turned up high. Ironhide, Raptor, Venture, Optimus, Springer and Drift, Lon and Bezel, Hard Drive, Blackjack, Hercy and Kup, Lucien helping Laslo, Burris, Proteus who was having a swinging time, Heatout who was here for the lulz, Vinn, Bee, Buzzie, the twins and a cast of thousands sipped their beer.
"This is going to be fragged," Sunstreaker said with a grin.
"We know." -everyone who was there
-0-TBC 1-20-18