The Diego Diaries: Barbecue in the Valles (dd6 253)

-0-Down in the Valles, the Valles so loooowwwww …

"How does it look?"

Springer squinted through the smoke. "Sort of done-ish."

"Oh."

Springer glanced at Drift. "You know … you could help me."

Drift grinned. "But you're doing so good."

Silent stare from green and yellow mech toward white one.

White one feels the burn yet grins slightly in spite of it. "Really. Good."

"Okay," Springer replied grimly as he squeezed his beer bottle tightly. "You can eat it."

Drift glanced at the smoke fogged stuff on the grill. "Okay," he said doubtfully. He looked up at a grim Springer. "You don't think I will?"

"Right now … nothing is a sure thing," Springer said. "My little buddy is empty," he said shaking his beer bottle.

Drift took it with a smirk, then walked to the communal beer cellar and hooch cache near a pile of rocks. Everyone had dumped their many tonnages of hooch into the several cold boxes there to make it simpler all around. It was easier to crawl one direction than to try and remember where you put your own. It would be a long barbecue.

"What do you think? Do we get the tables ready for everyone?" Ratchet asked as he lounged in his buzz.

"Define 'everyone'," Prowl said as he slouched in his chair. His buzz was a medium sized hum.

Nearby, watching him with amusement, Miler, Kestrel, Bluestreak, and Joon sat together sipping their cold drinks … non-alcoholic … someone had to have standards … and watched with amusement half the mechs who usually did squat and everyone else laboring while they sat and enjoyed themselves for a change. Miler grinned. "I think Prowl tied one on too early."

"I think you're right. I find him a hilarious drunk," Kestrel said. They all laughed as the whirly-gig flew on.

Laslo stood beside Lucien who was grilling their contributions. Their tent was nearby along with tents for their children and the femme, Lancer. She was interesting. She wasn't fazed by Lucien though she could be ordinarily. She was a tense individual when the pressure was on. Partition was crazy about her and they were nearly inseparable. She stood beside Lucien watching as he poked things and turned this and that over. Oddly enough, Lucien found that he liked barbecue.

"Anders, what about the wet stuff?" Burris asked as he worked over his grill. Keystock, Cargo and Lon were sitting in chairs with Anders while Bezel helped his father.

"In the box, Bur," Anders said. He grinned, then glanced at the two sourpusses and Lon sitting with him. "I think I like this activity. Camping is a new thing for me, however. You've done camping, right?" he asked Lon.

"I have," Lon said as he patted Anders' servo. "We're going rock climbing while we're here. I expect that you'd like to come, Key. And you, too, Cargo. It's not straight faces but gradual rises. I'd think you'd want to test yourself."

They looked at Lon with dark expressions as Anders glanced at them. Anders who was having none of it glanced at Lon, then winked. "I don't know, Lonny. I'm not sure they would enjoy it. They're city creatures. This requires skill and courage, right?"

Lon grinned slightly. "I believe so," he replied.

Anders glanced at his sons. "Pitting yourself against an unyielding opponent in unforgiving terrain might be a lot to ask. It's not like you've put yourself into the countryside around here."

The two stared at their ada, then each other. "You don't think we can do it?" Keystock asked somewhat incredulously.

"I'm not sure. You prefer the city life best. Even in the colonies, you stayed in the habitation sites," Anders said. "This isn't the city."

Cargo glared at Lon. "I'm not afraid to climb. How hard can it be? Bezel does it."

Lon grinned. "Then we shall see." He glanced at Anders. "Another beer, Andy?"

"I would love another beer, son," Anders said with a grin.

It would be a quiet quartet that would sit and watch Burris labor.

-0-Overhead

A shadow crept over the campground as a big ship came in to land nearby. On the shiny sides of the vessel read, "Autobot City Stables, Autobot City, Mars". It landed, then after a moment, the doors opened to a ramp and horses fully saddled were being led down. Ratchet smiled. "SPRINGER! GET SOMEONE TO GET THE HORSES!"

Springer glanced down the hillside, then at Drift. "Here. Watch this."

"No, chief, you watch it. I'll get the horses," Drift said as he ran swiftly for the side of the ledge and began to slide down the hill. Lon and Bezel, Kup, Sandstorm, and Bee hustled after him to jog toward the horse carrier. They chatted a moment with the handlers, then hopped up on the steeds, taking one by the lead who was carrying the feed for the seven beasts for the overnight they were expected to be here. Waving, they then began to ride up the trail toward camp. Hoorahed by the crowds down below, they began to trek upward just as a flock of infants gushed out of the clear energy domes nearby. Several elders who were sitting there blocked them and fed them back inside where their toys and games were as the big horses plodded past and went upward still.

Prime who paused a moment to watch glanced at Prowl. "Horses? You brought horses?"

Prowl who was frowning glanced at Prime. "The horses-" he began as Prime smiled.

"I love that horses are here. What a great idea," Optimus said as he swayed slightly in front of his grill.

"-were my idea," Prowl finished as he glanced at Ratchet with pure smug delight.

"You liar, you," Ratchet said. He rose, swayed a tiny bit, then walked toward the horses as they came down the path that divided the campsites from each other. Pausing, he reached out to pat Rango. The horse had paused in front of him as Ratchet patted all over, then finally after a bit of fumbling, his face. "You're so pretty. MY TURN!" he said as he set his bottle down. There was nothing under it so it fell to the ground.

Drift grinned, then hopped down. "You need a boost up, Ada?"

"No," Ratchet said with a giant smile. "I've done this before," he said as he took the reins. He walked to the horse, then gripped the saddle. Then he hopped. Nothing happened besides a small jump. "Am I on?"

Huge laughter erupted as Ratchet grinned over his shoulder. "That was a test for all of you. YOU PASSED IT!" He then turned to Rango who was a very calm, very big, enormously strong stallion. He looked back at the drunk who owned him and watched as he did the math. Ratchet put his ped in the stirrup, swung over, then sat.

Backwards.

He looked over his shoulder, then laughed. Laying down on the broad powerful rump of the horse, he hugged Rango. Ironhide who was watching frowned slightly. "Get that drunk off that horse before he falls off. Slagger. You're backward, Ratchet."

Ratchet sat up, then smiled. "I wondered where his ears were." He swung his ped, tried to turn, then fell off backward to land on his head. Laying in the dirt as Rango looked down at him, he heard the birdies sing. Drift ran around the horse, then helped Ratchet up. "Ada … you might want to rethink this," he said doubtfully.

"Oh, frag no," Ratchet said with a big smile. He heaved himself up and kept going over the saddle, landing on his back in the dirt again. Looking up at the horse's belly, he smiled. "He's a fat little fragger, Our Rango." Sitting up, he stood again, put his ped up, gripped the pommel, then sat. "HA! I, RATCHET, AM UP HERE!"

"Lead him around like a good son," Turbine said with a smirk. "Your old ada is shit faced." Pudding who was dozing next to Turbine, standing on his peds like a big boy, paid no attention to the insanity.

Drift laughed, then tugged the reins. He lead Rango forward as the others walked through and were staked out in an open space behind the main campsite, one protected by a ridge and rocks. Singing loudly, Ratchet rode back and forth until they passed Ironhide the second time when he flung his arms wide at the crescendo of his song and fell off over Rango's big rump onto the ground. Drift looked down, smiled at Ratchet, then led Rango to the others to hitch him to the line. They looked at him, then stood placidly together, resting for the hoo-haw that would surely follow.

Drift walked to Ratchet who was laying flat on the ground. "You alright?"

Ratchet snickered, then sat up. "Help me up. I think I sprung my spring."

"YOU BETTER NOT!" Ironhide said with a grin as he watched Drift help Ratchet find his chair again. "You better have the cure ready, Aid."

First Aid smiled at Ironhide and saluted him with a beer bottle. Bee laughed. "I think you're too late."

"Frag. NEW RULE! MEDICS DON'T GET TO DRINK!" Ironhide said with a chuckle.

"That's a good rule. Isn't that a good rule, Prowler?" Prime asked sweetly. He was turning his stuff over and over which was probably a good thing given he was playing with fire, though the taste might be affected somewhat. It was nearly time to eat.

Ravel watching the spectacle shook his helm. "Some times that boy worries me."

"DON'T WORRY! THAT BOY IS PERFECT!" Appa Ratchet said as he slouched in his chair with his cat.

Docker took his beer and replaced it with a juice cup. He wouldn't know the difference.

Gypsy walked to Ratchet, then leaned in. "We're ready to eat, Ratchet. Is there anything more to do with the barbecuing?"

Ratchet thought a moment. "In the box. Merit badges … you know … LIKE THE AUTOBOT SCOUTS!" he said in his battlefield voice.

Everyone froze, then looked at Ironhide, Prowl, a convulsing Prime, Springer, and Drift, the grand poobahs of T-Ball, then burst into laughter, catcalls and insults. Especially Warlord and the Seekers.

Prowl stood with a slow burn, then stared at Prime who was howling with laughter. He turned on Ratchet. "YOU DID THIS TO HIM!"

Prime caught himself a moment. "Actually, I think it was the beer, Prowler." Then he began to laugh loudly again.

Tagg stood up and walked to his son, taking the long handled fork before he poked himself. "Here. Sit, infant. Let your old atar finish this for you. It was heroic what you've done so far." He helped his son sit.

"No, Atar … YOU'RE THE HEROIC ONE!" Prime said as maudlin tears began to well.

Prowl who sobered instantly whirled in time to see Optimus dissolve into a puddle of pudding. "WHAT THE!?" He whirled on Ratchet. "THE CURE! NOW!"

Ratchet grinned at Prowl, then waggled his fingers in a wave. "You're so cute, you uptight priss. You teacher's pet, you."

"FIRST AID! CURE! FOR PRIME! NOW!" Prowl said as he moved to stand in front of Optimus in a vain attempt to preserve his dignity.

Prime grabbed him around the waist and pulled him onto his lap. "You're so cute."

Tagg who was thoroughly enjoying himself poked at the barbecue, then turned off the grill. "Kestrel, why don't you help me get the dinner together while Ratchet figures out how to sober everyone up."

Kestrel stood, then walked past a pile of snickering drunks. He began to pull things out of the box and take them to their table. He looked at Ironhide who looked at Ratchet with amusement. "Do you need help getting him to get the correct cure, Ironhide?"

Ratchet was smiling and humming as he stared at his fingers like they were rainbows. Ironhide grinned. "No. This isn't the first time Old Mech made a spectacle of himself." He shut off the grill, then walked to Ratchet. Leaning in, he grinned. "Cure, old mech. Everyone is flying around here."

"I want to fly, too," Ratchet said with a big grin. He sat up and fiddled with his pharmaceutical programming and after going through the lot, he jetted the cure to everyone within several miles whether they were part of the camp or not by WiFi. It was like a sledgehammer in the face.

"Oh, that smarts," Prime said as the buzz evaporated. He glanced down at Prowl. "Prowl, why are you in my lap?"

"Never mind," Prowl said as he leaned back into Optimus. "Tagg's got it."

Tagg did.

TBC 1-22-18 edited 1-23-18