22. Heart: Nora's heart can't take much more.
Nora could hardly believe it. Her baby, who she had just accepted was no longer a baby but a young boy, and now wasn't even that, was the head of The Institute. He was almost twice her age now. He'd grown up and she had missed all of it.
He talked to her and seemed genuinely happy to see her. He'd even given her a hug, but then made her swear not to tell any of the head scientists since they were already peeved at him allowing her to come in the first place.
Shaun had invited her to introduce herself to the heads of science, but then retracted his invitation in exchange for escorting her around himself. While he seemed awkward and unsure of what to do, he was always stopping to make sure she was okay. Nora could only nod numbly.
She accidentally bumped into a synth as Shaun lead her to BioScience lab. Her eyes connected with the glowing yellow eyes of the synth and before she knew it she was apologizing, "Sorry Ni—," she caught herself. The synth didn't seem to notice or mind, but Nora made a mental note of Shaun making his own mental note.
Even though he hadn't been raised by her or Nate, there were still bits of them in him. The way his eyes sparkled with excitement as he showed her around, the way his eyes squinted when he smiled a genuine smile, even the way he held himself as he walked—it all painfully reminded Nora of Nate. But the way Shaun's brows furrowed when someone talked to him, like he was hanging on to every word, how he spoke softly to himself when he thought no one was listening, how his thumbs ran circles over the ball of his index fingers when he wasn't sure what to do with his hands—that was all from her.
And it broke Nora's heart knowing that he had grown up without either of them. She tried to be as polite as possible to everyone who stopped to say something, but Nora couldn't wait to leave and go home. She kept one hand in her pocket, hand firmly gripped around her holotape, reminding herself that this was an awful reality, but she had a duty to fulfill.
"Ah, here we are." Shaun stopped before a door, "this is your room."
"My-my room?" Nora stuttered. Everything was happening so fast, her head was starting to hurt.
"Yes," Shaun gently took her hand and placed it on a scanner, "your prints should work on nearly every door in the Institute." He explained. The scanner flashed green and the door slid open with a hiss. Shaun held his arm out, allowing her to enter first. Nora cautiously stepped inside. There was a couch and coffee table just inside to the left, on the wall opposite the door sat a table with a terminal on top. There was a room to the left that was closed and a room to the right that was open. Nora peeked into the right hand room. She saw a neat, clean, single person bed and a dresser. Some horrible art that reminded her of her mom's house hung on the wall opposite the bed.
"I had my people research homes from before the war." Shaun stood behind her, "synths were sent out to find some items." Nora turned around, glancing up at Shaun as she walked back into the main room. A pack of cigarettes laid on the desk by the terminal and Nora thought of Nate. The morning the bombs fell she found a carton of cigarettes on the table by the side door. She'd confronted him about it jokingly, and Nate swore they were for a friend. She smiled sadly. A lazily oscillating fan sat on the floor in the corner by the couch. Several preserved books laid on the coffee table, she'd take a peek at them once Shaun was gone.
The door to the left of the main living area was a pristine bathroom. Complete with all the commodities of pre-war home. Nora tried to hide her shock and she turned back to Shaun, who stood awkwardly in the middle of the small room.
"You really put a lot of work in this just for me." She finally said timidly.
"Just for you?" Shaun repeated, "mother, nothing would have been too great an ordeal for you. I want you to feel at home here."
Nora smiled, she couldn't bring herself to say anything and she watched his eyes widen slightly in panic. Just like Nate.
"Well, that is everything." Shaun said clapping his hands together and rocking on his feet. Just like her. "Mother," Nora inwardly cringed and forced herself to remain still as Shaun stepped closer to her. "I understand this is a lot to take in." He laid a hand on her shoulder, "but I do hope you will join me here one day." His hand wandered down her arm and took her hand. He raised her arm and plugged something into her pip boy, "there." He gave her a professional smile—not genuine at all, "now you may come and go as you please. Your own teleportation unit as it were."
"Thank you, Shaun." Nora said, pulling up her map. She was pretty far from Sanctuary, but not a walk she couldn't handle.
Shaun's eyes saddened slightly, realizing she would probably be leaving so soon. He turned to leave.
"Shaun." Nora blurted out, he turned back to her, expectingly. "I hope to see you again soon. I love you." Her voice cracked.
Shaun gave her another smile, "And I, you, mother." She understood his hesitation to return the gesture. He'd spent probably sixty years without her. It was only natural. It still hurt. "You are free to come and go as you please." He repeated, he nodded his head as a goodbye—just like her—and stepped into the hallway. The door closed with another hiss.
Nora glanced around the room. It was quiet, no noise from the hall came through the walls, no hum from the terminal, even the cool air being pumped through the air vents was quiet. She explored the space in detail, leaving the preserved books for last. In the bedroom dresser she found several standard Institute lab uniforms and pajamas, as well as plain white underwear, all clean and neatly pressed into organized layers. Under the bed was a pair of clean white slip-on shoes and a pair of shiny black dress shoes. In the bathroom she found plush white towels, soap (real soap—not the oily stuff found in the wasteland above that was just radiated soap), dental care products, and even a hairdryer! Nora could have kissed the hair dryer if the whole situation hadn't left her heart racing and stomach churning.
Curiously, Nora turned to the small stand-up shower and turned the water on. A blast of warm water streamed from the shower head. Nora turned the handle more; the water got hotter. She quickly stripped and stepped in, not caring about the circumstances anymore. Nora stayed in the shower, scrubbing herself free of nearly half a years worth of wasteland dirt and grime. She started with her fingers, getting all of the dirt and gunk out from under her nails. Then she scrubbed her hair with a dollop of shampoo and conditioner (almost non-existent up above). She continued to rub her skin raw as she lathered up the rest of her body. It felt surreal to watch the grime go down the drain, Nora's body tingled from how clean she was—or perhaps it was just excitement from being able to shower again. Just as she was about to leave she spotted a hand razor. She lathered herself up once more and shaved parts of her legs and under her arms where the hair had become irritating. She always used to keep herself shaved before the war, mostly due to the fact that her body hair was coarse and thick, and she'd hated it, but post-war Massachusetts had no room for such luxuries.
Once Nora was pleased with her thoroughly cleaned self she turned the water off. She reached out and grabbed one of the plush towels and wrapped one around her body and wrapped her hair up in a second.
After grabbing fresh clothes and dressing in pajamas (she refused to touch the lab uniforms) she returned to the bathroom and used the hair dryer. The heat was heavenly, being able to dry her hair was a gift! The only time her hair ever got wet above ground was when it rained, and she usually had to wander around with it dripping wet for hours. Washed, clothed, and dried, Nora looked at herself in the clean mirror. She looked like herself again, only now there were two scars marring her complexion. A horrible scar that mimicked Kellogg's (Nora felt sick the more she looked at it), and a long line down the middle of her forehead. She touched it, remembering the Deathclaw attack and Nick's struggle to pull her out of her power armor. She was still thankful Hancock hadn't gone with her, something told her neither of them would have kept their cool with her head bleeding profusely.
Her heart twisted at the thought of Hancock. She wanted him to be there so desperately.
She'd gotten so used to him watching her back and she had sent him off, like a rotten child to his room. Nora sat down hard on the couch and ran her hands up her face, grabbing her glasses as she went, and dug the heel of her palms into her eyes. She gripped her clean hair, fighting the urge to throw a fit. She was a grown ass woman in her thirties, she was technically over two hundred years old, these kind of childish back-and-forth feelings she had should have stopped when she was in her twenties for Christ's sake!
Nora let out another huff and sat back on the couch, crossing her arms and then her legs. "He's probably getting high with any number of people." Her heart twisted at the thought of him out, having fun, living life like hers hadn't been ripped out from under her. Her glasses fell back onto her nose and she fixed them. Why did she care what he was doing? Why shouldn't he be happy without her?
"Because you want him to be happy WITH you." Her mind stated like it was an obvious fact. Nora pushed herself up, unable to stand still.
"Face it, you fell for the first guy who treated you like a partner, and not an employer." Nora told herself as she began pacing. "He treated you like he would have treated anyone else. He didn't use you, he didn't trick you, he didn't feel obligated to respect you or tread lightly around you. He was a good friend." She groaned to herself and shuffled into the small bedroom where she threw herself on the bed. An actual bed with actual covers that didn't leave her skin crawling. Nora hugged herself as she moved under the blankets. Her chest ached with an empty feeling and she forced herself to sleep.