The Diego Diaries: FOOTBALL! (dd6 313)
-0-There
Nine big titanic kids leaned toward their elders as they watched their other elders walking toward the football field passing through the Kaon Krewe. The contrast was comical.
"Ada, we have to go down there. Our function-" Quadrus began.
"Is subject to age restrictions," Ratchet said with a big grin. "Let's watch the big frames handle this."
"We're big, too," Santee said.
"Not big enough, infants," Raptor said with a giant smile. "This could be good. Or not."
-0-Down there
:We could thump all of them but the game would be halted due to extreme helm denting: Ty said as they reached the midfield.
Nearby, the scrum was still waging war, Bumblebee was still getting pummeled, Nova Cronum was still smirking at the hoo-haw, two of three refs were still spreadeagled on the ground watching the birdies sing, and Drift, Smokey, Kup and Springer were still nowhere to be seen.
:How about we peel this turkey?: Fort Max asked, mixing his produce as he reached the scrum, then pulled the refs out of the way by their peds.
:Done deal: Paribolus said as he leaned in to grab a mech. He gripped a Cronum by the neck, then another. With an ease that defied description, he stepped back with two 'squirmers'. :Your turn, boys. I caught my limit:
Huge smiles and laughter erupted from the normally dignified and contained appearing mechanisms as they moved forward to grip players. Some were grabbed by the neck, others by the arm, aft or ped. All of them were swiftly gripped, then tossed halfway across the field. They bounced, sat a moment, then rose to look at the big mechs.
The big mechs looked back.
The littler ones stepped back.
"Will you look at that," Hammer of Primus said with a grin. Laying on the ground in various positions of bent and busted, Smokey, Kup, Springer and Drift appeared. Dazed and trampled, they were gently hoisted up by Metrohex and Titan to be laid along the side of the field like strips of bacon on a griddle. They were too bent out of shape to notice the gentle handling but it would be commented upon by elders far and wide: "THOSE BIG SLAGGERS ARE GENTS! DIDN'T I TELL YOU? WHY BACK IN THE ORN OUT ON THE _ (fill in the blank) WHEN I WAS WORKING THE _ (fill in the blank) WITH OLD _(fill in the blank) ..."
"Here, Appa. Drink your Ovaltine."
The gents ran out of bacon so they turned their big selves back to the mini-cons who were jumping up and down on Bumblebee as Hercy watched with six or so worried kids on the sidelines.
Fort Max grinned. "Are you going to save him?"
"And have these infants miss watching the masters of the game do it?" Hercy asked with a slight grin.
"This is going to be a fiasco isn't it," Acroplex asked with a smirk.
"Yes. Yes it is," Tyke said with a malicious grin. "Every mech for himself." Then he stepped forward to grab a wad of mini-cons. He did.
They promptly bit his digits hard and fell from twenty feet to the ground.
All was not lost. They landed on Bumblebee.
"MINI-CONS DISPERSE! I, GENERALISSIMO PUTTER SAY BUG OUT! NO SURRENDER!"a small blue mini-con said just before Tennyson gripped him by his little round skull and picked him straight up to surrender him to Jolt and his box.
All of the others rather than mourn their erstwhile field commander and all around self appointed generalissimo began to run in all directions.
"Oh, frag," Ratchet said as he turned to slip down the aisle from the Primal Box to head out to do triage. "Here we go," he said as he ran down the steps, then jumped off the wall. Unfortunately, a camera man was crouching there to get the shot between the Kaon team's legs so Ratchet hooked a ped on him and face planted.
All of it was lovingly caught on film. It would make the game highlight reel both in regular action and slow motion and be a highlight of the half time show. A picture of him face in the ground with flailing body following would be on the cover of Autobot City Sports Illustrated and most newspapers the next orn.
Both here and on Earth.
No good deed goes unpunished.
-0-Earth
"That was Ratchet. I just negotiated with him," an elegant Englishman said. "He just splattered himself all over the ground. How am I supposed to close my deal with this guy?" he asked his group who were gathered at his country home to watch footie.
"I think he should get a gold medal for that," his wife said before she laughed aloud.
The bitch.
-0-There
Ratchet spit dirt out of his pie hole, then stood groggily. Staggering forward as his functions glitched, then tried to reboot, he found himself groping someone as he felt his way forward in the general direction he needed to go but forgot why.
Sideswipe who he was groping turned around, then smiled. "If Ironhide needs a witness for the divorce, he can subpoena the entire stadium and Earth."
"What?" Ratchet asked as he gripped anything he could. "Do I know you?" he asked before his systems began to work again. Shaking his helm, he looked at the field. "Get the kids behind the wall. This could go any which way." Then he staggered forward and made a bee line, mostly, toward the first of what promised to be many casualties.
Meanwhile in the box everyone stared at Ratchet with concern.
Everyone looked at Ironhide's family.
They looked back.
"NOT ON YOUR LIFE!" -everyone of them
Docker then began to head for the stairs before Prime picked her up gently, then set her beside him on the bench. "Let's see how this develops," he said knowing full well that she would be stationary and not in such a hurry to commit suicide in the light of the Most High.
She would be.
For now.
-0-Here and there
"That was some face plant Ratchet took," Blaster said when he could finally stop laughing like a banshee long enough to say so.
Jazz who hadn't reached that point could only nod.
-0-On the field: THE SIT-REP
Mid field: It was dire. Huge towering mechanisms were stumbling around trying to grab tiny mechanisms who were transforming into tiny vehicles or running like the wind here and there. Some of the little nut sacks were standing between the peds of the big frames daring them to grab them.
It was harder than it looked.
Big frames could do a lot of slag but picking up what amounted to marbles rolling around while wearing metaphorical oven mitts made it harder than it should have been. Big frames could be very, very fast but not now.
Oh no. Not now.
-0-Miss Priss
Prowl frowned as he stood beside Prime and a frowning Docker. This was a highly anticipated part of their sport for the humans but it was incredibly outside the rules of good play. He did, however, enjoy Springer's Dilemma when the little slaggers went off the rails. He would never admit it though Prime knew.
Bond link.
Prowl enjoyed Springer running around looking like a jackass. He enjoyed the overly confident and extremely well liked slagger who not only punched him in the face on several occasions but was the start of the … rumor … that he liked to tip tables and desks from arguing with him about FRAGGING UP HIS CAREFULLY MADE PLANS! THE FRAGGER! Of course, he did. However … it did clash with the kind of image that he liked to portray of himself as an unflappable, calm, elegant and altogether together mech around town.
Frag.
This was fragged.
But funny.
But juvenile.
But awesome.
Yes, Prowl the Good Girl was conflicted.
So he stood beside Docker and Prime and enjoyed the show.
Immensely.
-0-At ground zero
"How many digits?"
"Eighteen?" Springer suggested as the birdies continued to sing. He sat up slowly, then looked at Drift. He was coming around, too. "How is he?"
"He's better than Bumblebee," Ratchet said as a nearly hysterical First Aid ran lickety split to the first aid station carrying Bee in his arms. The cameras captured every traumatic moment until he disappeared down a tunnel with his bond. "GANG WAY! EMERGENCY! GANG WAY!"
Springer laughed, then whimpered. Everything hurt.
"Well, remind me to never have Bee and Aid together on the same mission," Ratchet said as he sat down heavily on the sidelines. "I face planted jumping over the wall to save you. Some slagger was crouching there and I caught a ped. Don't say I never did anything for ya."
Springer laughed, then groaned. "No. I'll save that for Hercy," he said as several worried kids came to him and knelt.
"You okay, Commander?" -several kids
"I'll live. Maybe," Springer said with a weak grin around the cascading gear grinding going on inside his chest.
Drift sat up, then glanced around. "Who am I?" he asked.
Smokey would take a few moments longer. Dev and Smokescreen were bending over him.
Dev glanced at Ratchet. "Can you scan him, Ratchet?"
"Sure," Ratchet said as he pointed his arm to comply.
Springer had to turn it from the general direction of nowhere toward the prone kid with the soon-to-be big helm ache. He scanned, then looked at all five versions of the data on all five of his arms. "He's good. Probably."
Dev chuckled in spite of himself. "Get a grip on him, Smokey. We have to get him to the aid station before Tress and Moda throw a rod." They gathered him gently and walked off to the tunnel after Bee and his beau.
Hercy walked over and looked at everyone. "You were a champ going over the wall, Ratchet. I haven't seen you do that since that time you bailed out of that bar in Altihex when they raided it."
Ratchet grinned. "Slagger." He looked at Drift and Springer. "You ready to give chase to the mayhem or do you want to skip being on the department's Christmas Surprise reel this year?"
Springer laughed, then coughed. "Frag you, Ma. I have duty to attend to. Care to come with?"
"Wild slargs couldn't keep me away," Ratchet said as he picked gravel out of his mouth.
The three barely stood up, then turned to the field.
The updated sit-rep was as follows:
All of the twelve big frames were lurching here and there mostly missing the mini-cons
The mini-cons mostly being missed were getting cocky as they danced, pranced, careened, and otherwise disgraced their type mechanism before the eyes/optics/eye stalks/ectoplasm of several worlds. It was a given that there'd be a massive party on Cybertron in the tent cities, finished towns, villages, and those towers in cities that had occupants when this slagging game was over and many would be the drinks raised to the shorties.
Watch mechs were chasing them, some on horseback, roping their sorry afts like they were tiny, tiny cattle.
Both Pudding and Flipper were enjoying standing together in the sunlight through the window of the apartment of Alor and Blackjack. Neither would agree to go down to the field either. Blackjack and Alor, that is.
The cows had no opinion on the matter.
The teams had staggered to their benches unwilling to earn penalties or ejections because they were dumb enough to enter the hilarity that was going on around them.
They wanted to be there.
THEY NEEDED TO BE THERE.
But they didn't dare go there.
Besides, it was more fun watching Ratchet, Springer and Drift stagger all over the field chasing the little slaggers.
Kup sat up a bit dazed but otherwise fine. He looked at Hercy. "Slagger. You gonna come this time?"
Hercy smirked, then flipped out his tazer. "Oh, yeah," he said. He looked at the worshipful kids gathered around him. "Save my place here, infants. Ol' Kup and me are going to mow the lawn." With that, Hercy pulled Kup to his peds and both stalked off to hunt the wild dingle berry.
-0-The Most High
Prime watched the fun with a grin that would live on in the annals of jumbotron presentations everywhere. The cameras were gathering the mayhem for the half time show and among them were shots of him grinning, Docker fuming and Prowl smirking.
It would also show that Docker slipped under them and made it for the wall. Jumping off, she ran for the field. As she did, Sunspot began to chase her. It emptied the Kaon bench as everyone rushed after them. A small femme and a smaller Seeker would be carried back on the arms of the twins to the great roar of the crowd.
Docker would be conflicted. Part of her wanted to throw a Molotov cocktail again and part of her was proud of her grandchildren. Boy, would Ratchet get an earful after the game.
-0-TBC 3-30-18 edited 3-31-18 01-19-2022