Glimpses of Time
Chapter Sixteen: The Loves of Jack Harkness
By Lumendea
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any spinoff material, and I gain no income from this story, just the satisfaction of playing with the characters.
AN: Sort of a blend between a Bits in Between and a Glimpse.
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Eros
Jack Harkness had accepted long ago that he was always going to be a little in love with the Doctor and Rose. Planets orbited stars, the universe expanded, and mass created gravity; it was a fact of the universe. Also, a fact of the universe that there was no place for anyone else in that relationship. He'd accepted that early in his travels with them. It would have been nice, but he'd always be the disposable one. Honestly, it was better to love them a little romantically from the sidelines than ever deal with that.
Philia
They were his best friends, the best people he'd ever known, and their faith in him and their support had let him become who he was today. Jack Harkness was a much better man, a better person than Javic Pietro Thane had ever been. Jack Harkness was capable of being selfless without fearing it was a weakness, Jack Harkness wasn't buried under mountains of regret, and Jack Harkness had a role for good in the universe. That had all started with a chance from those two, a small offer of alliance that grew into the most important friendship he'd ever had.
Stroge
It had taken time, but Jack had learned that they wouldn't abandon him. A mistake wouldn't cost him everything he'd gained, and that forgiveness could be granted. He was part of a family in a way that his own hadn't been since that horrible invasion where he'd lost track of Gray, and his father had died. His mother had never forgiven him, blaming him even on her deathbed for a child's error. Being vulnerable and needing help were safe. He was safe with them. Things weren't always perfect, but they'd sort it out. Even when he left the TARDIS from time to time to sort out his past, clean up old messes or fulfill his role, he could call on them. They'd come. They'd always come. They were his family. He loved the Doctor and Rose, and he loved their children desperately.
Agape
As a child, compassion and forgiveness had been burned out of him. At least he'd thought so. Then his best friend was tortured, and Jack was burdened with his fate. It had still hurt, proving that he hadn't lost the capacity to care that much. The Time Agency both did and didn't want that. Wanting to guide events for the best was good, but too many emotions were bad. Sometimes the job was about pulling a trigger, not helping another living being. Follow the rules and don't think about it too much. The job is important; time must be protected. He likes the Doctor's approach so much better. There's permission to care. Permission to feel guilty about the ambulance, and not just because of the timelines. And a reward for caring. He doesn't die with the self-destruct. Instead, he gains a new home, even if it takes him some time to believe that he's really welcomed there.
Ludus
He's a flirt, has been since he's a child. It's part of how he connects with people, learns about them. Rose understands that right away, gives him space to flirt while making the limits of her comfort clear. He appreciates the honesty, she's too kind for him to want to hurt, and she believes in him. Takes him a bit longer to sort it out with the Doctor, but they get there. Uncommitted and playful, it doesn't hurt anyone. The Doctor rolls his eyes at Jack's method of connecting with the universe, but he doesn't really ever try to stop him.
Pragma
Some relationships are practical only. He's known that for years. Lust will only go so far, though he'll never admit understanding that to the Doctor. It would take away some of the fun. While trapped in the time loop, Raydrin was the practical partner for Javic, and they made it work. But afterward, when he became Jack and came aboard the TARDIS, he was not. Raydrin was a reminder of everything Jack didn't want to be anymore. It stopped being practical, and lust wasn't nearly enough, so he draws a line, one of the first he's ever drawn with a lover to mark a clear end. His love for the Doctor and Rose isn't practical at all, and he knows it, which is why he accepts it and lets it fade into the background.
Philautia
Learning to like himself, much less love himself, was a long road. Sometimes, he stumbles, and it's hard to stay on the road. The Doctor understands that struggle, probably always has given the things he's opened up to Jack about over the years, but especially after the Time War. Thankfully, they both have Rose to help them believe they are worthy. There are still good days and bad days, but the good greatly outnumber the bad, and it's more than Javic ever could have hoped for.
Athena
One of his greatest loves, the sum of all of them. Thank the Guardians for Athena. Jack had loved a lot of people, including her parents, but everything was deeper with Athena. Easier and brighter. All the forms of love rolled into one. She possessed all the traits he loved most in her parents, but she could love him. Athena didn't belong to anyone and thought being beside him was a good place to be. She knew how he felt about her parents and didn't mind. Athena knew the world wasn't neat and tidy. His lingering affections didn't bother her. Athena understood that sometimes emotions and life were messy, and he loved her more for that. Loved that his love for her eclipsed all those before. Loved that even when they argued, he wasn't scared and could still breathe.
He honestly wishes that he'd understood that about her sooner. They'd wasted a lot of years trying to sort out what their friendship was supposed to look like. He was a good friend of her parents, but she'd never been a child for him to dote on like he did her siblings. Instead, Athena was born fully grown, a mind as sharp as her father's and a smile as broad as her mother's. He'd been out of step with her for decades. What were they? They loved the same people, celebrated the holidays on the same TARDIS, but he didn't know where she fit for him or where he fit for her.
One too many hyper vodkas for him and too many ginger beers for her, and things had shifted. He'd been ready to bolt, apologize, or whatever she'd needed to make sure it didn't damage his family. But Athena had laughed and kissed him, suggested they have a proper talk. Every bit her mother's daughter, she'd kept him grounded while they sorted it out and didn't let him run. She let him work through it until he realized that this was a total love he could have and keep. The sum of his loves. His hand to hold.