The Diego Diaries: Duh-Do-Run-Run, Duh-Duh-Do-Run-Run (dd6 316)
-0- …
"Pass the ketchup, old mech."
[Pass]
"You know, Ironhide, coming from a ranching family ..." [both grin] "... asking for ketchup in some parts will get ya strung up."
"I, IRONHIDE, DON'T CARE! I, IRONHIDE LIKE CONDIMENTS ON MY STEAK!"
[Tall medico slinks down a bit in the booth at the steakhouse while the surrounding patrons look their way and grin] "I, Ratchet will el ka-bong your skull if you do that again."
Ironhide grinned as he cut his huge steak into bites. He put one in his pile hole and savored the goodness.
A waiter paused by their table. "Are you doing alright?" he asked with a grin. He really liked these two.
"I need another basket of buns if you don't mind, infant," Ironhide said as he looked at his own which was only half full. "These little mechs are going fast."
"On it, Ironhide. Ratchet?" he asked.
"I'm good, infant. Thanks," Ratchet said as he savored his own steak.
He nodded, then with a grin hustled off to comply.
"We have to go to a barbecue tomorrow. Warren and Maureen have invited us in pretender gear. How about we alt mode something outrageous and drive up in it. He hopes we're a spectacle."
"Since when aren't we?" Ironhide asked. "Who else is going?"
"They invited all the senior Autobots and Neo, Laret, Springer, Drift and of all mechs, Smokey and Bee." Ratchet grinned as Ironhide grinned back. "He's expecting about 250+ guests and wants about 25-30 of us along for the fun. There's going to be media, governmental and business slaggers there along with a lot of his friends he wants us to meet. No one will know until the end. He wants us to have some fun if you know what I mean."
"What about Aid?"
"He's doing the final run through at Gliese. Consolation is having a massive upgrade," Ratchet said. "He traded orns now in return for a week off so that they could traipse all over the Valles with Rick Harris and the mercs. They want to try their luck at deep country climbing and the two are going along to recon," Ratchet said.
"Everyone in pretender gear? Can his place hold all of us?" Ironhide asked as he grinned at the waiter. He brought a big basket and lots of butter pats. "Thanks. You're my new hero."
The waiter laughed, then hurried away.
Ironhide spent a moment sniffing his bounty, then grinned at Ratchet. "Do you think he'll have buns there?"
Ratchet snickered. "I'll bring some. What kind of alt mode?"
"Something slagging awesome. How about we all come in tanks? Bedazzled tanks?" Ironhide asked with a dazzling smile.
"How about I frag you under the table and let all the punters around here cry from envy?" Ratchet asked.
Ironhide guffawed, then waggled his optical ridges. "Sounds like a plan," he asked in his typically comical smokey style.
Ratchet grinned. "How about you and I see who can finish our bun basket first?"
Ironhide's optics narrowed as he gazed at Ratchet with a sizzling stare. "You're on. One, two, three!"
Ratchet stuffed them in as fast as he could with both servos, chewing madly but he would lose to Ironhide who dumped the whole basket into his pie hold and tamped them down with a spoon. It would take a while for them to go down and it was fortunate that he didn't need to breathe to live. It would be a toss up who would laugh louder, the waiters or the nearby patrons.
The waiters would bring them more buns and butter.
They would eat them.
-0-At a big old house on a large farm in central New York state
"The food is taken care of, Warren. The tents are set up and all of the dinner components are in place," Maureen said as she sat at the kitchen table with Judy Witwicky, Lois Howell-Morshower, Sarah Lennox, Lonnie Epps, and Linda Graham. Thelma Lennox and Mama Fig were also there as directors of desserts.
Most of the mainstays and those from the Resort would be coming along with their soldier or civilian spouses. The desserts would come from the Resort and would say so on the table card that would be placed there in the food tents. Tables for everyone to sit, tables that could handle up to 250-300 people were in place and a crew was hired to handle that part of things. All they had to do was show up. The marinating and prep was done at the Resort and being held in special stasis-style walk-in refrigerators until needed. Autobot tech cut their spoilage down to under 1% and that ended up in the composter for the gardens and habitat areas.
"I'm glad. You ladies are amazing," Warren said as he looked at the data pad rolled out on the table. It was the one Lois used to event plan and she had gotten together with Maureen to help out a sister. They were a very, very tight group. "What do I have to do?"
"You get to walk around and schmooze. I expect that the bots are going to be hilarious. I heard from Mindy that Ratchet is chasing Ironhide all over the colony for not rescuing him during the game," Maureen said.
"That reel is so funny, I split a gut," Judy said. "Poor Ratchet. He's such a good guy. Always trying to do the right thing. He was going out to triage and needed it himself."
"The big bots were amazing. I have to tell you, if I were a robot I'd chase Metroplex," Judy said as everyone nodded. "And Max. Titan. I think Titan is sweet on one of those little mini-con femmes. I'm going to their trial by the way. They're out on family release until Monday when they have to face the music. Oh, and Caminus."
Everyone grinned. Everyone nodded.
Warren laughed. "When do Andrew, Lilly and the Fultons get here? Is Barbara done with that project with the new Mausoleum?"
"They come tomorrow with us by bridge. We're coming before everyone so we can help and so they won't see how we got here. Barbara is nearly finished with that project. She's going to solicit designs from a contest on the Resort website for the commemorative plaque for the building. Something from Earth to the bots."
"That's a good idea," Warren said as he sat back to enjoy the conversation. He would also hold Aedh while he did.
-0-Later that night
They walked in after a night of clubbing. Dancing here and there, drinking beer, eating bar food and steaks, both of them were staggering when they slipped in. Walking through the house, checking on the kids who were there, they teetered into their berth room and flopped. They would stay there until morning.
-0-Morning
He stood under the hot water, the hotter the better and felt crooked things become straight. Literally. His internal repair was almost finished. Ironhide had already bathed and was out shooting the slag with the big kids. Shutting off the water, hitting the overhead dryer which had him bone dry in seconds, he walked out with a grin.
"Ada. You okay?" Genesis asked as he stood and enveloped Ratchet in a hug. The others joined him, then stared down at their old 'ma'.
"I'm okay. Your atar, however, deserves a beating," Ratchet said as the four turned to stare down at Ironhide in his chair.
He frowned. "Don't blame me. Slagger. Stay in the stands."
Ratchet looked at his boys, then smiled a dazzler. "I'll beat him later. Have you eaten?"
"We were waiting for you," Fireball said.
"Aw," Ratchet said as he hugged the boys. "I think I'll keep ya. Ironhide on the other servo ..."
They snarked, gathered up, then walked out for the Diner On The Corner after rousing everyone else in the apartments all around them.
Blackjack would follow them out last with a little cow on a leash.
-0-Diner On The Corner
They entered and walked through the snark, laughter and rudeness to their booth and sat.
Their kids joined them pulling up an extra chair. The boys stared at the others with frowns.
"Don't laugh at Ratchet," Fireball finally said.
It became instantly silent, then Hercy leaned closer. "No one is laughing at him. They were on his side. It just happens that Ratchet's a klutz. That's part of his charm."
Fireball stared at Hercy trying to divine his meaning, then he looked at Ratchet who was smirking. "Ada?" he asked uncertainly.
Ratchet leaned forward. "Uncle Hercy is right but for a few things. See those slaggers over there?" Ratchet asked as he pointed to a table filled with soldiers who were grinning at him. "They're laughing at, not with me. Those two over there … not the blue and white one but the others?"
Fireball nodded.
"They're laughing with me, not at. That blue and white one wants to laugh at me but he knows I'll be his doctor some time and he doesn't want to burn his bridges all at once. He'll laugh later on somewhere in the Valles where no one can watch him. Those four," he said pointing to a table filled with Wreckers. "Those slaggers are howling on the inside but not the outside for the same reason and because they know I have a nice selection of hammers in subspace. See?" Ratchet smiled a dazzler.
Fireball stared at him, then them, then him again. "No one better mock you, Ada. I won't like it."
The others nodded as well as they glared at the tables around them.
"And that's why you're getting all my stuff," Ratchet said as he hugged the kid. "I'm starving. What about you?"
Fireball turned toward him after glaring at the groups around him, then nodded. "Me, too, Ada."
They ordered, relaxed, grinned at the nice loyal kids, then began to discuss the fight.
As they did, Drift, Springer and Kup walked in to a near standing ovation. They glared at everyone, took chairs from the big kids who glared for them and sat.
Springer looked at Ratchet and Ironhide. "Did you ever catch him last night?"
Ratchet snickered. "Did you ever doubt? Why last night in the berth-"
HUGE laughter and mockery met that remark as they fell into ordering and eating.
Springer grinned at Ratchet. :Sorry you had such a hard time. Thanks for tying to help us:
:For you, the moon. How do you and the Boss feel this morning?: Ratchet said as he hit them with a scan.
:Bent. But getting there. Maybe: Springer grinned, Drift grinned.
Then breakfast came and all was well again.
-0-A joor later in Ops Center, the big conference room
They gathered, those who were given the golden ticket. Techs were waiting with tech for those who didn't already carry it. Children were running around the table in a big flock as they were brought back or gathered up by their owners.
Optimus sat at in his chair with a flock of infants standing on the table in front of him. Solus, Sojourner, Prowler, Resolve because his dads were here to supervise the tech installation and sitting up in the circle of his arms, Halo grinned at him.
Hero knelt beside Halo to 'help her, Uncle Optimus. She has a round bottom and falls over a lot' she said with a brilliant smile.
Optimus was dazzled.
"Otis, we seed cow. I want a cow," Prowler said with a giant smile. He reached up and pulled Prime's face closer. "You telled Atar and Ada?"
Optimus grinned. "Okay."
The kids jumped for joy, then turned to their genitors who were sitting around the table waiting for Prowl.
They smirked at Otis. "Fragger. Considered us telled."
Optimus laughed, then looked at the kids. He enclosed all of them in his huge arms. "Talk to me, infants. I need some sweetness."
They moved closer to hug and pat his face.
Prowl breezed in, then sat. Staring at the kids loving on Optimus with great pleasure, he looked at the others. "You're invited to a party on Earth at Warren and Maureen Roberts house. The group is listed as Neo and Laret, Magnus and Arcee, Jetta and Elita, the twins and Blue, Ironhide and Loon, Mirage and Jazz, Springer, Drift, Bee, Kup, Hercy, Raptor, Turbine, Hardie and Delphi, Blackjack, Alor, Optimus and me along with of all mechs, Smokescreen the Younger. Of Praxus," Prowl said as he peered over the edge of the data pad in his servos with The Look. "Praxus, the city of my youth who you will be representing among others of us."
Smokey who was as surprised as everyone else nodded. "Sure. Warren and I are this close," Smokey said as he held up to fingers closely aligned.
Who knew?
Prowl stared at him, then the others. "We're going in pretender tech and will remain in character through the entire event. There will be about 200-250 humans there from all manner of echelons of power and wealth. I think he wants us to scope them out. You'll remain in the command structure though you'll mingle and behave so as to bring honor to Autobot Nation."
"We're in disguise," Hercy said. "No one will know."
Prowl gave him The Look. "I… will know."
It dropped forty degrees immediately.
Prowl grinned. He loved to do that.
Prime grinned. He loved when Prowl did that.
Prowl looked at the roster. "We'll be doubling up. Someone will haul us there in the most spectacular vehicle modes we can conjure that will match the inventory of design on Earth. No Cybertronian formats though human concept cars that actually exist will be allowed, the more expensive and showy the better. You will, of course, pass them by me." He glared, then continued. "I'm assuming that bonds will go with bonds and take one or two others."
"Why not go with everyone separately and dazzle them with our greatness?" Springer asked with a smirk.
"Truck formats, Optimus excluded, can hardly dazzle," Prowl replied.
"Let's see," Drift said. "How many of us did you just insult? Springer, Ironhide, Magnus, Kup and Ironhide's entire family."
All of the aforementioned turned to look at Prowl. He hid behind his data pad affecting a cool disregard for the plebes even as his prong shriveled.
Optimus smirked. He loved this look, too.
"Maybe we can come in designer colors. You come as a red glitter tank, Delphi and I'll come as a blue glitter D-8 CAT," Turbine said with a grin. "Maybe they just need to heed all the possibilities."
Prowl stared at Turbine going over in his helm the severity of his reply since the big mech was holy, then glanced at Prime. "Perhaps we can pare the invite list down."
HUGE laughter and insults.
"What do we tell the humans, Prowl?" Neo asked.
"Well, I've concocted cover stories for you," Prowl said as he flipped a screen.
"Oh frag. Here we go," Raptor said with a grin.
Prowl blazed a look at the big mech, then grinned. "You will be the following. That's an order," he said, then began. "Neo and Laret will be aunties of Maureen, some from Vermont which is a place on Earth somewhere. They will be very sheltered and nice."
Neo laughed loudly at that point.
The twins and Blue would be 'friends of the family' who farmed upstate and had an organic orchard.
Obviously, some of them would have to do research.
"What about the relationship?" Bluestreak asked with a grin as he sat on Sideswipe's lap.
"That's up to you. Be ambiguous and let them draw their own conclusions," Prowl said. "Nothing that will get you arrested."
Blue glanced at Sunstreaker. "We can still have a trine, Farmer Brown."
Sunstreaker grinned. "That's me, a farmer. Can I borrow your cows, Appas?" he asked to loud laughter.
Prowl frowned.
Prime grinned.
The kids sat in the circle of his arms like chicks in a nest.
"You, Springer, Drift, Smokey, Hercy, Kup and Bee are going to be N.E.S.T. soldiers, strikers who've been on Mars and are going to rotate back into the lineup," Prowl said. "You've been invited to come because Warren wants to showcase N.E.S.T. and the alliance."
"That's why he got us to do it as ringers," Bee said to huge laughter and agreement.
"Then we get to make their uniforms look good," Springer said with a smirk.
"You can try," Prowl replied dryly.
HUGE laughter and insults.
"Hercy and Kup, you're old friends of Morshower and Fulton. Old, old, antique friends," Prowl said as he found himself in the groove.
Huge agreement and laughter amongst the punters.
"Jetta, you're an engineer friend with the wife," Prowl said. "Magnus and Arcee, you're a couple that Warren knew in government. You can choose what that means but be informed and vague. There will be a lot of governmental people there. In fact, you better do your homework and not pin yourself down too easily. These are the mid to upper echelon of things we're pretending to be."
They nodded.
"Mirage and Jazz, you're both international photographers specializing in war zones. Fake it," Prowl said.
"I would say something here but there's infants," Jazz said as he glanced at Smokey.
Smokey who was instantly offended as youth are everywhere smirked like he earned the right to do so. "I've been around."
"Where?" Magnus asked in spite of himself.
Arcee grinned at him with pride.
GO, MAGNUS!
"Around," Smokey said as offense and the possibility that they'd know he was still a 'virgin' and fronting in terms of being everywhere, doing everything and living to tell.
"Who? What?" Sideswipe asked. "Where? When? Why? HOW? Inquiring minds."
Smokey frowned at all of them. "Frag all of you." Then he jolted. "Not you and Prime, Prowl. You'd punt me to Charon forev-" He sat back. "I'm not talking to any of you," he said with a frown.
"I'm adding your ada," Prowl said as he added Devcon to the list. "Weak link."
Dev who was in Ops Center entered the room in time to see Smokey's cute frown. "What did the infant do now?" he asked.
"We want you to go to a party and keep him out of trouble," Prowl said.
"Okay," Dev said as he sat down next to his grandson. "Done deal."
Smokey frowned at everyone, then leaned into his amma's shoulder. He was adorable.
"Pick a cover, then fill me in, Dev. I'll send the finalized scenarios to everyone," Prowl said. Then he grinned. "Blackjack, Hard Drive and Raptor will be businessmen attached to Autobot Nation. So will you, Ironhide. You will be integral in the something or other of something I haven't thought up yet."
"Okay." Raptor grinned. "Somehow, I don't think I'm going to like what comes next. Right?"
"That depends," Prowl said with a smirk. "Turbine, Delphi, Ratchet, and Alor … you will be their wives."
It was silent a moment, then Raptor roared with laughter. The whole room broke down into bedlam and finger pointing before Prime rapping his knuckles brought them into order. "Order?"
"Order or orders?" Ratchet asked with a smirk.
"Both." Prowl grinned at the mechs staring at him with incredulity. "Ha. I, Prowl am powerful."
"You think so?" Ratchet asked as he activated his pretender gear internally. "Maybe we can troubleshoot this thing given I'm a slagging doctor and all."
Everyone sat back staring at him warily. He stood and then his form shifted. He was a tall female wearing a nice dress. He was as tall as anyone there but definitely human. A ravishing beauty with long red hair and deeply green eyes, the kind of female men drooled over stood before them. He smiled. "I looked up 'Mary Sue' and took the usual dimensions and attributes that make them such an enduring winner. Flaming red hair and deeply green eyes. Huge aft and skills. I left off the bow and arrow, the knife, the ability to make any male who meets me want to frag immediately, the orphan with a deeply secret backstory, someone wounded and wandering alone in a dystopian wasteland, possessor of a small mutant dog that can talk, and all the teenaged angst. What do you think?"
Everyone stared at him a moment as they gathered their thoughts, then Ironhide frowned. "Your front. It doesn't look like a human femme."
Ratchet looked down at his figure which was a compromise from the usual flawless exaggerations of the kids who wrote fan fiction. He hit the files for video games, then grinned. "You mean this?" he asked as he morphed. What he morphed into came to a bouncing rest on the top of Smokey's helm. The size of Ratchet's rack was so gigantic that it needed its own support platform as it settled amongst the infant's finials.
Everyone there lost their shit including Optimus.
-0-Moments later …
The donut plate was still going around the table as Ratchet sat with his own and a cup of tea. Even the babies took one to solace themselves from the mayhem just passed. Ratchet put the plate with the donut on his giant boobs which were resting on the table. Everyone stared at him with a mixture of huge loathing and a burning desire to poke them to see if they were alive.
Ironhide had moved to the other side of the table and was staring at them, then Ratchet, then his rack again with fear and a strangely overpowering desire to squeeze them. He would go to his grave several times before he would tell anyone about that, however.
Buns …
He jolted. "Old Mech, you need a keeper."
Ratchet smiled at him. "You volunteering?"
Ironhide shivered from the willies, then frowned. "FRAG NO! PUT YOUR AIR BAGS AWAY!"
HUGE, HUGE laughter.
"I'll tell you now, Prime, that I've done a lot for Autobot Nation in the past but this?" Delphi asked with a slight frown. Then he grinned. "This is about the greatest thing I've ever been asked to do." He glanced at Wheeljack's kids. "Install the gear, infants, in everyone. We have a lot to do before we go in a few joors. I'd think learning to walk with that in front of you is part of it."
Ratchet grinned. "I'm thinking of getting a different outfit, Delph. Maybe something a lot tighter and more revealing."
"You're not going as a … a slut bag," Prowl said as he signed off from the urban dictionary.
"Ho-bag," Jazz said with a smile. "I think that's more current."
"Did you know that your name is in the urban dictionary and it isn't a compliment, Ratchet?" Perceptor said with a scandalized tone.
"You're so ratchet," Prowl said as he experimented with total mean girl douchey disregard for his entire moral upbringing.
"Prowl is, too," Ratchet said with a smirk.
Everyone scanned it, then Prowl jolted.
Perceptor turned toward Prowl. "That isn't very nice either, Prowl."
Ratchet leaned in slightly, as far as his rack would allow. "What about you and Prime? Are you going as the Pope and Joan of Arc?"
A dash through the world wide web was had, then even Prime laughed aloud. The infants not knowing why he was laughing did what infants do around big emotions. They joined him. It looked like a nest filled with baby robins waiting for their parents to come back and stuff regurgitated worms down their gullets.
Snaps were had.
Lots of them.
Prowl glowered. "I will have you know that I've concocted a suitably dignified scenario for him and me. He won't be going as a tool, he'll be going as a philosopher."
It was silent a moment, long enough for Prowl to almost squirm.
Then Raptor leaned forward. "What will you be? His stone?"
HUGE laughter and props for a medieval reference were given freely.
Prowl frowned. "I'm his assistant. His editor."
"His editor ..." Ratchet leaned forward. "How dull. How typically Praxian of you."
"HEY! THAT'S MY/OUR TOWN/CITY STATE! SLAGGER/LOON!"-everyone but Dev
"I agree with Ratchet," Dev said. Everyone turned toward Dev. "You need something less dignified but more fun, Prowl. Take off your corset and step up."
Anyone else would have earned the Gimlet Optic of Hell but it was Dev and everyone everywhere loved-feared Devcon of Praxus.
Prowl frowned. "I will never countenance the honor and dignity of this mech being harmed," he said yanking his thumb toward Prime who was grinning. "He is the Prime of Cybertron and the Empire. He will never be … be besmirched by anyone."
"No one is asking you to smirch him, Prowler," Raptor said.
Prowl glanced at Raptor with a frown. "That's not even a real word, Raptor."
"How about you make him a rancher? He can wear a big hat and drive a car with big horns on the front. You can wear a low cut dress and a fur, lots of diamonds and tight jeans. You can go by the name "Lindy-Lou" and he can be "Big Ted" or "Big Bob". I'll even loan you my cow."
"I like Big Daddy," Ratchet said. Of course, he did.
Everyone stared at Ratchet, then Raptor, then Prime who looked like he really wanted to do just that scenario as opposed to the Philosopher and his Stone, then Prowl who was looking slightly panicked.
Prowl frowned. "Thanks for the input, *RAPTOR*, but I think we'll keep the first story."
"How about a religious person? How about a bishop or something? The clothes are kind of nice," Hardie said to be ornery. "They have nice hats, some of them."
"You can be a church man's wife, Prowl," Blackjack said. "You don't have to have the … uh, pontoons that Ratchet has," he said to great laughter. "You can be flat and dumpy. I was reading an old story about a preacher who was mean to his wife so she took a frozen roast beef haunch, beat him to death with it, then cooked and served it to the police. No one ever caught her."
They all looked at Blackjack.
"Give me your reading list, 'Jack." -everyone but Prowl
"What do you think, Optimus?" Jetta asked with a grin.
He looked at Ratchet who smiled his dazzling smile with his flame red hair and green, green eyes around his big, big bosom, then Prowl who was promising lots of intense intensity if he agreed. Then he looked at the babies who looked up at him. "Do you want cookies?" he asked.
Laughter, mockery and other indications of disdain and humor flowed freely.
-0-A half joor later
They stood in the room with their gear on. They were tall human specimens all but some of them were female. They were having aRIOTOUSinterior conversation about centers of gravity, how big 'the bass' should be and how 'all about it' they should be, bras, hair, high heels or no and if so, Louboutins or Manolos, jeans-tight/no panty lines or not v dresses-tight/bombardier or not and other pertinent female things.
Arcee and Elita were less freaked out than Delphi, Turbine, Alor and PROWL!
Yes, Prowl.
Prime decision.
Prime who was having aGREAT time with the whole process said that if they both went as men, some of the more brazen women with track records might hit on Optimus and then … what should he do, Prowl? Should I give it up for Cybertron or pretend celibate in honor of nerd academics everywhere? He asked with a concerned expression and that was all it took.
Prowl was a tall brunette with red eyes until it was pointed out that humans only had red when they had pink eye or drank themselves to death. He then changed to green because Ratchet wasn't going to be the only Mary Sue at the ball if it was the last thing he would ever do.
Prowl considered his figure and went with athletic.
Turbine and Delphi because they were sports experimented with gigantic racks which bounced out and mostly sagged to their knees. Reigning them in to decent sized cleavage, they turned to Ratchet who of all the 'girls' was last to lose the cleave.
He grinned at them, then reigned them in. "It was fun but I don't want to be disrespectful. I don't know how women deal with things like that but I for one salute them."
It was unanimous among the 'women'.
Ironhide who was watching felt both a deep revulsion and a blazing sense of loss. Perhaps pretending to be a human male had side effects even he didn't know about. They adopted nice warm weather clothing, expensive, expertly cut and tailored to their bodies like they were designed by computers.
Which they were.
Now the important stuff began.
Whips.
"I'm going in a concept car, slagger. Ferrari," Prowl said as he stood in a beautiful white dress, 6" Louboutins and black hair to his perfect ass. His green-green eyes were accented by over sized emerald and diamond jewelry that he wore in copious amounts. He looked swank and tense. He turned to Optimus who looked like the handsomest, fittest, most perfect specimen of professorial man meat in the known universe. Prime wore jeans, a polo shirt and a light jacket. Faun colored boots complimented his casual look and his hair was short, neat and salt and pepper. "Ferrari? Or do you want another make? I draw the line at Porsche."
Everyone standing there agreed and the murmur made Ratchet laugh. "Poor Porsche. The slagger."
"Frag Porsches. Frag them," Sunstreaker said. "I'm going to be the latest concept version of Lamborghini and its going to be yellow. You two can come with me."
Sideswipe and Bluestreak, both dressed like Sunstreaker in tight jeans and nice t-shirts held biker jackets in their hands as they watched the madness. Neither of them could take their eyes off Ratchet's perfect bosom. "Ada, make your things bigger," Sideswipe said with a smile.
Ratchet looked at him and grinned. "You mean these?" he asked as his boobs grew enormous again. They stretched his nice knit shirt and exploded out wobbling in the air with their vastness of shape and size until they settled. Since he had no idea what he was really doing, they were modeled on mannequins, so they didn't sag but stood straight out.
Everyone in the room ran in circles, shouted loudly and screamed. It was fortunate that the day care on the second sub floor had already taken all the kids and the big ones were on their way to their ammas and appa's house.
Even Optimus was trying to find a place to hide.
Sunstreaker was laughing maniacally and was the only one not under the table, pounding their heads on the wall or running for the door. "ADA! BIGGER!" (the maniac).
"For you, my son," Ratchet said as he grew they straight out until they slammed into the far wall. How they didn't fall down was an engineering triumph for the ages.
"RATCHET! PUT THOSE APPENDAGES AWAY BEFORE I PUNCH YOUR FACE!"Prowl bellowed as others from the Ops Center appeared in the doorway to see what the hell was going on. They stared in frozen amazement at the spectacle.
"For you, the world, Prowler," Ratchet said as he amended his program and two gigantic improbable boobs zipped back to him so fast that he stumbled backward into the wall. Staring down at his chest, he returned them to nice but not obscene. He was determined to have a rack to chat up the punters with and get intel. It was also fun watching his chest grow and shrink. Almost as much fun as watching everyone lose their shit.
His ada would whip his butt.
Prime who rose again was nearly paralyzed with laughter. "That would be a most unexpected weapon."
"I think there's women on Earth who would love to be able to do that to some of the slaggers there," Ratchet said as he adjusted his tight fitting white top. He wore tight black jeans, a butt load of diamonds and 6" heels. He smiled. "Had enough or do you want me to do it again?"
It was a tie vote that Prowl pulling rank broke for common decency. They gathered themselves, settled on cars, then Percy gave them the gospel:
"You can eat, sleep, get drunk, taste, feel and smell things just like any other human. Their food will taste like what it does and I'm told it tastes just like ours. Rampage is quite a culinary genius. Be aware that you have to get rid of what you eat and drink before you derez. Your seats will be glad you did. We enclosed the appropriate hygienic videos in the database," Percy said.
"I would caution against drinking. Only Ratchet will be able to sort you out if you do. Link in to him so he can sense when you need reviving. Your gear is foolproof and as senior individuals, we won't be taking it back. Updates and the like will be granted you as they appear but given your status in the leadership, you will keep this tech. You can boot it and use it anytime you want. The limitations on it are unknown in terms of creative facsimiles. Humans aren't the only organics you can make."
"Really?" Ratchet asked with surprise. "We can make any organic form from the image base?"
Percy nodded. "The only limits are size. Small individuals like Neo and Laret can't be the size of Optimus but they can be anything they want with that limitation."
"Wow," Ratchet said. "Then I can do this, right?" With that, he internally scanned an acid monster and transformed immediately. Everyone in the room lost their shit.
-0-On the way
They walked toward the ship that would take them to Earth. They would fly there, then drive through the on ship bridge to a backwoods paved road to head in convoy to Warren's country home. They would then be locked and loaded. Given that they could be an unknown distance from their main bodies, ie, the trucks and cars that were their forms, some of them could leave them parked at the airport here on Mars and board the ship in their pretender gear. They would only have a few cars to park around the farm rather than all of them. Their bodies and operating consciousnesses could be that far apart and operate aces.
They began to walk up the ramp.
Ratchet grinned."THIS IS NOT EASY IN THESE STILETTOS!"
Prowl who was behind him slapped Ratchet on the butt. "Move it, loon."
They boarded, found seats and sat facing each other around a big lounge. The ramp closed and the ship lifted off. In the lower hold, a good ten concept cars waited to be driven through a bridge as their conscious selves were upstairs sitting around.
Everyone stared at Ratchet.
He smiled brilliantly.
"I want to be you when I grow up," Sunstreaker said with a renewed sense of awe.
"There's a catch. You never grow up," Ratchet said. "How do you like me now, cowboy?" he asked as he slapped Ironhide on the shoulder.
The big handsome mech grinned. "Keeps the bond interesting."
"Is that what it is?" Prowl asked with a smirk. He looked at Ratchet. "Do not under any circumstances grow your boobs again. That's an order."
Ratchet grinned slightly, then shook his head. "Oh, Prowl, Prowl, Prowl … you never learn do you," he asked as his boobs shoot straight out and hit Prowl of Praxus right in the face.
-0-TBC 4-2-18 01-22-2022
A 1000 apologies to anyone offended by boobage jokes. When we were kids that kind of humor was common among THE GIRLS. Honest. Taking a trip back into the dark ages to include it here. This is what we used to sing together in gym class during jumping jacks: "WE MUST, WE MUST, WE MUST IMPROVE OUR BUST! FOR FEAR! FOR FEAR! WE'LL NEVER WEAR A BRASSIERE!
Game highlights shortly including who won. :D:D:D