*Chapter Twenty-Eight: The girl she used to be
(December 25th, 2017, Monday Morning)
Lucy's heart raced as she paced the halls, her mind buzzing and her fingers clenching into fists, only to release them so she could do it again. Lucy was nervous, her throat tight as she waited for Makarov to show up. He said he would be there at seven to let Natsu out, seeing as that would mark forty-eight hours. According to Natsu's phone, it was 7:06, and the leader hadn't shown.
'Yet.'
Lucy took a long, deep breath, her hands shaking by her sides as she tried to settle them. Being away from Natsu for two days was harder and easier than she expected. She had gotten through it fine, aside from the first night when she needed someone to talk to and found nothing but an empty bed. She had cried herself to sleep that night, taking twice as much melatonin as usual in an attempt to pass out quicker.
That had been a mistake. While she did fall asleep soon after taking the medication, the next morning had been rough on her. The pounding headache and dizziness made her feel like she had a hangover, but that wasn't as bad as the daytime drowsiness. Lucy's job consisted of manual labor, but she struggled the entire day to get her work done. In the end, Lucy decided quicker sleep wasn't worth the side effects, so the next night, she took her usual dosage.
Some parts to Natsu being gone made things easier on Lucy. She didn't have to worry about anyone barging into the room while she was by herself. She was able to undress and redress without the need for a cover. Being nearly nude in their open room for the first time gave Lucy a better chance to look over herself, seeing the healed wounds on her skin.
Her larger scars were still present, and Lucy knew they wouldn't be going away, but the smaller cuts and sores were mere faint marks now, and that gave her some relief. It was taking a while, but she was healing, one day at a time.
Getting changed wasn't the only thing Lucy did that was easier when Natsu was away. She had more time to work in peace on Natsu's Christmas present, not needing to hide it from him since he wasn't around to peek. She didn't know if he would like it or not, but she put a lot of effort into it, and she hoped that was enough for him. It had to do with something she was passionate about, so she wanted to share that side of her with Natsu, even if it had the potential to blow up in her face if he hated it.
But, she was hopeful it wouldn't go that badly.
Reading was also different without him around. It held no interruptions since her roommate wasn't there to ask her about the book every now and then. She understood what he was doing when he asked her questions. He was trying to engage with her and get her to talk, but sometimes she just wanted the world to stop around her so she could get lost in her book, and that was difficult when every chapter or so, Natsu would ask, "So what's going on now?"
If Lucy had more confidence, she would have told Natsu the questions were getting on her nerves, but she kept her mouth shut, deciding it would be easier to answer and move on than have a difficult conversation with him. The last thing Lucy wanted to do was offend him, seeing as he did so much for her already. She wouldn't tell him to buzz off when she was reading, even if she secretly wanted the privacy.
'I'm sure he'd take it well... I think.'
While Lucy found a friend in Natsu, she was still a little wary of him. They didn't really know each other, but she couldn't blame him for that. She was the one keeping secrets. He had answered every question she managed to ask him so far, leading her to believe he was an open book. She wondered if there were any topics off limits, but so far, she had found none.
'Maybe... Maybe I can make more of an effort to let him in.'
As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Lucy shook her head, not caring if anyone saw how ridiculous she looked. She wasn't ready to let anyone in, not really. There were parts of herself she didn't even want to face, let alone allow someone else to see. She didn't want to face that kind of humiliation. If she could, she would forget every second of it, knowing ignorance was better than her pained memories.
'Breathe,' she reminded herself, pressing her palms against the sides of her legs as she stopped pacing. She had to remain in control of herself, otherwise her emotions were going to get the upper hand, again. She was tired of letting her feelings drive her. She needed that control, even if it meant snuffing out her emotions to get it.
Lucy jolted when she heard something from down the hall, her body freezing for a second once the sound of footsteps hit her ears. She turned, seeing Makarov and Laxus rounding the corner, followed by Gray and Erza. Lucy's heart dropped as she moved to the side, her eyes falling so they couldn't meet those of Natsu's friends.
'They're his real friends...' she thought, her shoulders going slack as they passed her. It didn't matter how much she wanted Natsu out of quarantine, her feelings would never compare to those of his friends. They had history together, trust. She was nothing more than a project, a damaged girl that needed far too much help.
Her bottom lip trembled as they kept walking, none of them breathing a word to her. She clenched her teeth as soon as her eyes pricked, knowing it wouldn't be long before the tears fell.
Swallowing thickly, Lucy turned, heading in the direction they had come, knowing her presences wouldn't make a difference to Natsu. He had his real friends there to greet him. 'I'll only get in the way. Take time away from the people who deserve his attention.'
Keeping her head down, Lucy was unable to see the new round of people roaming down the hall, following after Makarov and the others. She assumed they were there to see their friends get out of quarantine too. Everyone had people who cared about them, but when Lucy was released, she only had Natsu.
And part of her figured that was because he felt obligated to help her.
Lucy slowly walked down the hall, her head hung low as she wrapped her arms around her stomach, mentally berating every aspect about herself that she could. She wasn't raised to be a crybaby, but that was what she had become. Part of her couldn't blame herself, but she wanted to.
She had been put through more than she was able to handle, and that was before the outbreak started. Since the night of the party, Lucy had never been the same smiling girl she used to be. Instead, she was a guarded, distrusting individual she didn't recognize in the mirror.
'I'll never be that girl again,' Lucy told herself, causing her to bite her inner cheek to hold back more tears. She wanted to be the same person she used to be. It was a person she was proud to be, but now she felt like a shell of a woman, empty on the inside and fragile on the outside. She hated who she had become, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake it off.
She had to live with it, or try to change, even if she knew that wouldn't happen overnight.
"You're brave, Lucy."
Natsu's words echoed in her head, but instead of giving her strength, it was the final straw that broke her. The tears she had been trying to hold back finally fell, her knees feeling weak as she gritted her teeth. She shouldn't need some guy she just met telling her she was brave to feel it. She should be feeling it on her own, but she couldn't.
She just... couldn't.
Instead of leaving the annex, Lucy ducked into the nearest restroom, making sure she entered the correct one before falling to the ground. As soon as the doors closed behind her, she was covered in darkness, much like the feeling she had eating away at her heart.
She had been told by her friends and family that she was a breath of fresh air, the light they didn't know they were missing in their life. Now she felt the darkness inside her, festering, pulsing beneath the surface. She would never be that girl she used to be, but maybe... maybe she didn't have to be. Maybe there was a way for her to get better without going back.
Lucy wanted to get better. There was no doubt, but some days were more of a struggle than others. Being away from Natsu for two days helped her see how much she had relied on him, but... it also showed her she was still able to make it through without his help. Granted, Levy and Yukino showed up more often than before, walking her to and from meal times while offering her some light conversation. She hadn't engaged too much, but she hadn't completely withdrawn either.
Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was making progress. She just had to make sure she didn't fall back. Every day she needed to get a little better, but at the same time, she had to stop punishing herself when she stumbled. Her progress wasn't going to be a straight line, even if Lucy wished she could just snap her finger and be all better.
Life didn't work that way, and neither did she.
Lucy's breath hitched when she heard voices echoing from outside. She recognized them as Natsu and Gray, the two laughing and yelling profanity at each other before Erza warned them to settle down. Lucy stopped herself once she realized she was trying to stand. She wanted to go see Natsu, to make sure he was alright, but that thought only had her slumping down on the ground again.
"Of course h-he's alright," she whispered, eyes sliding shut. Natsu was strong, both physically and mentally. If she was able to get through two days quarantined, so was he. 'It was probably nothing to him. He's stronger than I'll ever be.'
Lucy sighed before trying to clear her head. She was tired of the negative thoughts, tired of the pity she put on herself. She wasn't raised to feel sorry for herself. Her father would roll over in his grave if he knew sh—
Lucy stopped breathing for a moment, her eyes blown wide as she went still. Despite the darkness still surrounding her, Lucy saw it clearly, the corpse of her father lying on the floor, blood pooling around his body as the men around her laughed. She had been frozen then too, unable to move or say a word as she watched the light vanish from his eyes.
She swore the moment he died stretched into eternity, but it wasn't long after that she was being jerked up by her hair before her limp body was pushed into a room. Lucy felt the hand on her waist as if it were really happening, disgust flooding her chest as the fingers moved to the waistband of her shorts. Just as the man was about to pull them down, her body fell, the grip on her loosened when her attacker was struck from behind.
"Don't touch this one," a dark, amused voice said as Lucy struggled to regain function of her body, her mind still in shock after seeing her father killed right before her very eyes. "She's mine."
Lucy was thrust back to reality when she felt nothing but pain. She opened her mouth, but it was too late. She could taste the copper on her tongue, the taste only growing stronger when she licked over her bottom lip. She had bit herself hard enough to bleed, but Lucy couldn't bring herself to be angry for the self-harm. If she hadn't done it, she didn't know how long she would go on thinking about those sickening memories. The ones that followed would only be worse.
'Why did I even think that?' she asked herself, tears wetting her face. She didn't bother wiping them away, knowing more would just take their place. 'Those monsters didn't even give him a grave to roll over in.'
Her father, once a proud, successful business man who earned the respect of his peers and the public, had rotted on the floor of his own lake house until his stench was finally powerful enough that even the most disgusting people Lucy had ever met decided it was time to move his corpse outside.
Though, if Lucy were being honest with herself, she was glad his body decomposed naturally.
It was a lot better than what happened to the other unfortunate souls who wondered into the house, lured by the false promise of shelter and food.
Rotting was the better way to go, but Lucy still wished her father never died. She didn't have the best relationship with him, but he was still her dad, and she loved him.
And with him gone, she no longer had a blood relative alive.
And when those monsters killed Virgo, Lucy was left without a family.
Lucy didn't know how long she stayed there on the bathroom floor, recounting dark memories while also trying to banish them away. She thought she was late for work, causing her to pull herself together so she could get her job done. It took her a moment to leave the restrooms, hoping no one was lingering in the hall. When she found no one, she left, taking every shortcut she could to get to the side of the building faster, not wanting to get in trouble for her tardiness.
Only, when Lucy reached the graveyard, she found it empty. Her shoulders fell as she looked around, not finding a soul in sight. There was always at least someone digging graves during work hours, but there wasn't even a shovel pulled out.
Just as Lucy started to turn, she closed her eyes, realization hitting her. It was Christmas, and Makarov had already told her and everyone else that most people would get the day off.
Lucy gave the area one last look before she moved towards the back of the building, deciding she wasn't ready to go to her room yet. There was a chance Natsu was there, and she wanted him to have his space before she interrupted. 'Besides, he's probably busy talking with his friends.'
Lucy swallowed, her eyes dull as she continued walking along the given path. She thought back to the past few days, remembering how chaotic things had been.
When Sting finished his quarantine unscathed, the other pet owners were allowed to do the same test. Natsu and Rogue were ready to go in without hesitation, but Makarov held it off for a vote. He had gathered most of the survivors in the arena and asked them if they thought more quarantines were even necessary. It was obvious Makarov didn't believe the pets carried any virus, but that wasn't strong enough to change people's minds.
He gave them the night to think on it, but in the morning he found it was for nothing. The majority voted for more quarantines, so Natsu, Rogue, Grandeeney, and two other dog owners went through the test.
Instead of letting Wendy go through with the quarantine, Grandeeney had volunteered to do it for her. Lucy remembered Makarov had fought that idea, saying they couldn't risk the doctor's life. However, when asked if he was willing to risk a kid's life instead, Makarov had relented, letting Grandeeney go through with it.
After that, the five were taken away, and Lucy didn't get to see Natsu again until later that night. She had wanted to visit him as soon as she got off work, but she was too scared to ask the guards where they were keeping Natsu. Instead, she waited until Natsu's friends said they were going to see him, deciding to silently tag along.
She felt like an outsider.
No amount of small conversations were going to change that fact. Lucy didn't feel like she belonged with their group. She had kept to the back and remained quiet, happy she at least got to hear Natsu's voice when his friends were speaking with him. It was enough to make her feel better, knowing he was doing okay.
Lucy hadn't tried seeing Natsu the second day, so she was surprised when she worked up the courage to go see him get released. However, her strength wasn't enough to keep her there. That only frustrated Lucy more.
'No matter how much better I get, I still don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.'
She wanted to be fixed overnight, and every day she dealt with struggles was just another day that weighed down on her.
Lucy glanced around, making sure no one saw as she slipped into the football stadium. She wanted somewhere she could be alone, and it seemed no one was outside unless they had to be. She spotted a few guards on her walk, but none of them said anything to her.
'No one really wants to talk to me anyways.'
Lucy lowered her head as she took the steps down to the field. When her feet padded against the turf, the smallest smile spread on her face. She walked a few feet in before dropping to her knees, her fingers sliding into the material. It was enough to take her mind off her worries for a moment, replaced by something much warmer and comforting.
Lucy took a deep breath before slowly exhaling, her smile growing a bit bigger. It had been so long since she felt turf, but it immediately brought back happy memories, reminding her of her high school days. She remembered coming to their football field for practice and games, or just to hang out on the weekends when her friends wanted a place for themselves.
Dragging her hand against the field, Lucy recalled an especially good memory. It had been during her freshman year, five months prior to her mother allowing her to date. She had stayed late after practice to spend time with her boyfriend, the two sharing their first kisses on the very turf they met on.
He was the star of the junior varsity team, and she was learning the ropes as a new cheerleader. Their relationship had carried on for two months before Lucy ended it, deciding she wasn't as interested in him as she thought she was. Beyond his good looks and charm, they didn't have anything in common. She let him down gently, and he took it well, the two remaining decent friends afterwards. It helped that they never got too invested in the relationship, both young and wanting to explore life and all it had to offer.
It wasn't long after that when she met the guy she would fall in love with. At least, at the time, that was what she thought she felt for him. Now, she wasn't so sure it was true love. It could have been infatuation, or just attraction mixed with friendship that disguised itself as love. It didn't help that her father encouraged her to date the guy, saying he was a hood 'fit'.
If Lucy were being honest with herself, she never completely gave her heart to anyone, but so far in her short life, he had been the closest.
He was the one she looked forward to seeing every day, and he was the one she decided to give her virginity to. She didn't regret that. He was a great guy despite his faults, and if things had gone differently, she would have wanted to stay friends with him.
Her heart still hurt when she thought about him. She had no idea if he was alive or not. Wherever he was, she hoped he was still among the living. They didn't part on good terms, but that didn't mean she no longer cared about him. At one point in time, he made her happy. She hoped he was able to find some type of happiness, even if the world was beyond messed up. It would be difficult, but she didn't think it was impossible to be happy.
Lucy swallowed as she recalled her first time, her hand slowly running over her thigh before she pulled it away. She wished she didn't hate touching now. She used to love giving casual hugs to her close friends, or enjoying kissing her boyfriends. Her hand shook, remembering how it felt to be intimate, how it felt to be so willing to give.
Her throat tightened, her chest constricting as she imagined the touches. She was able to remember the difference between her boyfriend's touches and the ones she received when she wasn't in control, but the more she thought about it, the more they started to blur. Despite that, it helped knowing she had enjoyed intimacy at one time. No one could take that away from her.
"I had all the confidence in the world back then," Lucy whispered to herself, turning her body before laying on the field. She stretched her arms and legs out, enjoying the simple act of relaxing. The air was frigid and her body was tired, but doing nothing felt great. It was just what she needed.
She had pushed herself harder the past two days, trying to distract herself. It only tore her apart when she thought about how dependent she was on Natsu, so she tried proving to herself she didn't need him around to be functional.
Lucy wasn't sure if she made that point to herself or not. She hadn't had the best two days, but at the same time, she hadn't broken down in front of anyone, so she had to be doing something right.
Sighing, Lucy closed her eyes, breathing in the chilly air. Memories of Christmas in Crocus surfaced in her head, causing a light smile to pull at her lips. Christmas had always been a joyous time in her life. Her father always worked too hard, but no matter what, he always took that day off so their family could be together. Aside from birthdays, it was the one day a year Lucy could count on to be with her parents, the two having hectic schedules that often left little room for their only daughter.
Lucy slowly opened her eyes, her smile fading as she turned to lay on her side. Her fingers played with the turf, threading through the material before trying to pull some out. She figured no one would mind. It wasn't as if they were having football games lately.
"I miss you," Lucy mouthed, unable to say the words aloud. She swallowed, pain creeping into her heart at her loss. Her parents were taken away from her too soon. She had so many plans, so many memories she wanted to make with them.
She knew life wasn't fair. Her father had told her so more times than she could count, but she knew he didn't have the apocalypse in mind when he said it. It wasn't fair that they died. It wasn't fair that they were gone and she was still breathing.
Lucy's eyes rolled to the ground before closing, a long exhale escaping her parted lips. She didn't bother wondering if it would make things better if she just called it quits and ended her life. She didn't want to die, even if it was painful to keep living, she still wanted to be there.
A series of short, quick breaths left her before she picked herself up. The longer she stayed on the turf, the longer her memories took over. While she didn't mind thinking about the good times she had, it was only a short jump before the darker ones made their appearance.
Lucy gazed the track outlining the field, wondering how far she would be able to run without stopping. Her record before the outbreak was almost three miles, but she had been inside an air conditioned building during, and she had a bottle of water with her as well.
She gnawed on her bottom lip before releasing the abused flesh, remembering her accident from earlier. It was best not to upset her split lip anymore than she already had, so she let it be for now. Lucy slowly started bringing her arms up and towards her body, but instead of wrapping them around her slim figure, she started stretching them, wondering how far she could push herself now.
After stretching her arms and legs, Lucy went to the nearest start point, her heart already pounding at the thought of running. The last time she ran for a long time, she had been chased by her captors, fleeing for her life. While she didn't have the same motivation to keep moving, that didn't stop her from taking the first step.
She started at a fast walk, embarrassed of making a fool of herself despite no one being around to watch. She had never been the most graceful runner, often bumping into other people or tripping over air. Still, she kept moving, increasing her speed until she managed a casual jog.
Lucy realized soon after she started that she wasn't in shape to start running. She could probably get away with a quarter of a mile, or one lap around the track, before she expended all of her energy, so she chose to jog instead, hoping it would be better on her body.
"Fuck," Lucy panted after hitting the half-mile mark, already feeling sweat building under her arms. She was out of shape, and she could feel it. Her body would be struggling more if it wasn't for her current job, the manual labor keeping her from losing the last bit of muscles she had left. She was a lot better at digging holes than she had been when she started, but she didn't know if that was such a great thing.
Her dream was to write, not prepare a place of rest for the dead.
It was never a matter of if the holes would be filled, only a matter of when.
Lucy was coming up on the next quarter of a mile when she decided to take out Natsu's phone, fumbling with it for a moment as she found the music app, wanting to play a song. She started the first one available, not caring what she listened to, as long as she had something to distract herself from the pain in her lungs.
She had never been the best at exercising, but that didn't stop her from trying.
Before Lucy could reach the mile mark, she slowed down, knowing her body's limits. She would have loved to say she pushed through it and finished, but she couldn't do it, and that was okay. She had done better than she thought she would, and that was enough for now.
'I'm getting stronger,' she noted, feeling her legs burning more after she started walking. It was hard to measure her progress when it came to her mental strength, but her physical strength, she could see and feel the improvements. If it wasn't for the adrenaline pumping through her veins when she escaped those monsters, she never would have made it as far as she did before she finally collapsed. Now, she was able to run almost a whole mile without stopping, even if it wiped out most of her energy in the process.
Lucy placed her hands on top of her head as she continued walking, knowing she had to get her heart rate down. She grinned, actually grinned when she thought about how proud she was of herself. For the longest time she thought she didn't deserve to smile, but she couldn't stop herself. She had done something she didn't think she could do, and that deserved a reward, no matter how small.
However, her happy moment came crashing down when she heard a voice calling out over her music, the words startling her out of her moment.
"You should smile more!"
Lucy's grin vanished as she jerked her head to the right, wondering where that voice came from. Her calming heartbeat accelerated again, brought on by fear and embarrassment. Brown eyes searched the bleachers, widening when they landed on a familiar face.
Like her, Natsu's smile faded, morphing into a look of concern as he stood. He raised a hand, his teeth clenching together as he muttered, "Sorry. I thought you knew I was here."
"Holy fucking shit," Lucy breathed, pressing her hand against her chest, willing her heart to calm down without any luck. She shook her head to answer his assumption. She had not known he was there. If she had, she would have stopped jogging immediately, not wanting anyone to see her trying so hard to do something simple.
The corner of Natsu's lip quirked as he cocked his head. He took a few steps closer to her, sticking his thumbs in his front pockets as he snickered. "Who knew you had such a potty mouth. Think I need ta go find some soap to wash it out."
Despite knowing he was joking, Lucy clamped her mouth shut, not wanting to even imagine how bad that would taste. Her reaction was enough to pull a chuckle from Natsu, the skin around his eyes crinkling as his smile came back.
"I am sorry I scared ya though. I didn't try to sneak in or anything. I waved, but I guess you didn't see..."
"When did you come in?" Lucy asked, trying to keep the shakiness out of her voice. She was no longer scared of the person, trusting Natsu didn't intentionally frighten her, but she still feared how much he had seen. She didn't want to make a fool out of herself, especially with the person she talked to the most. She paused the song playing, seeing it as more of a nuisance than anything now.
Natsu raised a brow, hesitating before he said, "Not long." He nodded to his phone before stopping a few feet in front of her. "I saw you pullin' that out, if that helps."
Lucy nodded, able to judge how long he had been watching her. Each lap around the track was roughly a quarter of a mile, meaning he had seen less than that much. That knowledge helped, but it didn't take away her embarrassment. She expected a joke about her looking silly out there, but instead of that, Natsu only kept smiling.
"You did great. Maybe we can race one day?" He tore his eyes away from her to look at the track, a mischievous glint flashing in his eyes. "Sometimes me and Gray come out here to run. I'm sure he wouldn't mind the extra company either. We could even try to work together, maybe trip him up or something."
Natsu didn't give her a chance to answer, not that she had one to provide anyway. She wasn't able to wrap her mind around the idea of running with others, let alone two guys she knew could wipe the floor with her. She would only hold them back if she joined. Besides, she didn't want anyone to see her if she failed, which was part of her fear now. She could have fallen or stumbled, and there would have been nothing she could have done to stop Natsu from seeing.
Lucy took a deep breath, reminding herself appearances weren't everything. Hell, considering how rundown everyone looked, appearances seemed to be low on peoples' priorities. The world had turned to hell, but that didn't stop Lucy from worrying about trivial things. She did her best to hide her flaws, but there were some things she couldn't conceal.
'I'm being ridiculous,' Lucy thought, needing another deep breath when she felt her lungs hurting. Her legs throbbed, her body telling her she hadn't cooled down properly. She thought about ignoring it, but she knew better.
Steeling her nerves, Lucy glanced at the path she was taking earlier, unsure if she really wanted what she was about to ask for or if she was just being polite. "Do you... want to walk with... me?"
His eyes rounded for a second before he gave her a quick nod, as if afraid she would change her mind if he gave her more time. He gestured towards the path ahead, as if to tell her to lead the way. He followed her for a moment before joining beside her, his smile warm and eyes unfocused.
Lucy looked away, not wanting to get caught staring at his face. She had a hard time making eye contact for more months than she wished to admit, but Natsu's face was easy to look at now. Maybe it was the time they spent together, or the trust she placed in him. Either way, she wasn't as scared to meet his gaze, but that didn't mean she wanted him to know she was just randomly glancing his way.
Lucy almost bit her lower lip, stopping when she remembered her newest cut. She wanted to take her mind off Natsu's face, her chest feeling strange when she thought about it. She blamed her odd feelings on her earlier thoughts, thinking back to past boyfriends.
While Natsu wasn't the type of guy she went for when she was dating, she couldn't deny the truth. He wasn't bad looking. In fact, he was rather handsome, not that she would ever admit that out loud. She didn't want to give him a reason to call her weird. There were already plenty of those lying around. No need to add more.
"So, how was the run?" Natsu asked, placing his hands behind his head, threading them into his messy pink locks. He could use a haircut, but Lucy wouldn't bring it up.
She looked over, almost narrowing her eyes when she noticed he wasn't wearing jacket. Lucy wished she was impervious to the cold like he was, but she wasn't that lucky. Even in Natsu's hoodie, she still found herself shivering from time to time, especially at night. Jogging had helped increase her body temperature, but it also made her sweat more.
"Good," she mumbled, eyes falling to the ground. She couldn't wait to change into some fresh clothes, needing something dry that wouldn't cling to her skin.
Natsu nodded, remaining silent for a few steps before clearing his throat. "I uh, I thought you'd be in the room, but you weren't..." He paused, as if deciding what he should say next. "I checked the library and stuff, but I couldn't find ya."
Lucy didn't know if she was supposed to say anything, her hands slipping into the large front pocket of the hoodie to keep her hands away from the cold air. She was surprised he looked for her, thinking he would have spent his first few hours as a free man hanging out with his friends.
"I don't wanna say I panicked, but I got kinda worried when I couldn't find ya."
Lucy's shoulders and heart fell, remembering when she tried running away from Fairy Tail. It felt like a lifetime ago, back when she was sure Natsu would be happier if she was gone. She now knew that wasn't true, though she couldn't figure out why he wanted her around. He had plenty of friends. 'He would get by just fine without me...'
Before Lucy could frown, Natsu let out a long sigh. "I was glad when I finally found someone who saw ya. They said you were walking this way, so I decided to check it out."
She couldn't meet his gaze, but she could feel his eyes lingering over her for a moment before he turned his head forward. "I... I'm happy you didn't leave... for what it's worth."
Lucy's nails slightly dug into her palms, unable to come up with something to say. She didn't know what he wanted to hear, so she stayed quiet, letting him work through his thoughts on his own while they continued walking.
"I was kinda curious though..." She saw Natsu turn his head towards her again, but she resisted the urge to look up. "I wanted to know why you didn't come say hi this morning... when I was released."
Lucy's feet stopped moving, prompting Natsu to do the same. She stared at the ground, her mind going blank as she struggled to give him a good excuse for her absence. She had let herself believe he wouldn't care if she was there or not, but clearly it mattered to him on some level.
Natsu waited for her to speak, but when she didn't, he leaned his weight to one foot and shrugged. "You didn't have to come see me, so I'm not mad or anything, if that's what you thought. I just wanted you to know I missed ya when I got out. Thought we'd hang out since I've been gone for two days... That's all."
Guilt struct Lucy, her thoughts conflicting as she turned his words over in her head. While she knew him saying he missed her was just a saying, it had to mean something, right? 'He noticed I wasn't there... That has to be a good sign.' He was her friend. It was natural to want to see her after something major happened in his life, and she thought getting quarantined fit that description.
'Maybe it's a good thing he noticed, or maybe it's bad...' Her chest tightened, wondering if he was upset she didn't show. She wondered if Gray or Erza told him they saw her. What would he think if he knew she showed up, only to leave before he got released.
She didn't want him to know she had been a coward, unable to go through with it.
Lucy ground her teeth a few times before tipping her chin up, meeting his emerald gaze. She almost got lost in the beautiful color for a moment, forgetting how mesmerizing his eyes looked up close.
She had seen pretty eyes on guys before, but Natsu's were especially gorgeous. Maybe it was because they were paired with his sun-kissed skin and pink locks, or maybe she was just being delirious because she hadn't seen anyone else's eyes so pretty in a long time.
Shaking the thought out of her head, Lucy parted her lips, hesitating before whispering, "We... we can hang out now?"
It was the least she could offer him, and honestly, the idea of spending time with Natsu gave her a small spark of happiness. Unless she was completely off, it sounded like he wanted her company. He wouldn't be the only one benefiting. She could use some company too. "Wh-what do you say?"
Slowly, a smile surfaced on Natsu's face before he nodded. "Yeah," he breathed, his voice sounding genuine as he added, "I'd like that. We got some catching up to do." His expression turned into a bright grin before he jerked a thumb towards the school. "Plus, there's someone else we gotta hang out with too. He's waiting in our room."
Lucy's eyes widened, surprised and confused by his words. "What? Who?"
Natsu didn't hesitate, too excited to keep it in any longer. "Happy!"
.
.
.
As you can see, Lucy's emotions and thoughts are all over the place. One minute she thinks she has a grip on herself, the next she's letting her fears control her. Being away from Natsu for two days didn't help, but it did at the same time. She was able to see she could survive without his help, but she would prefer he was there. I think this will show her she doesn't have to depend on him so much, but at the same time, it's okay to rely on him a bit. Does that make sense? I hope so.
Who's proud of Lucy for trying to jog? Exercise is crucial for their world, so this little step will put Lucy on the right path, especially for what I have planned for her later. (Once again, I have no idea how long this story will be, but it's gonna get pretty long)
Thank you for reading and for supporting this story! I really appreciate it! Thank you for every favorite, follow, view, and review! Shout out to those amazing people who reviewed last time: Wiintery, MidnightFox890, Guest, Firefly9917, LucifinatheErotic, An Amber Pen, Animeforlife1412, AlycePixi, FlameDragonHime, MorriganFae, shootingstarssel, ArtemisRavenTerraFan, PrincessSarahDragneel, Nalu-Nerd13, Sam, Guest, MnMAllyn, isabelangelica. guerraallemant, Satyrykal, stranger1999, cOokIe-MOnzTa, TheLylaRin, naluloverr, LoveroftheWord, Raquenzel, sassykitten1701(x2), Gigi-San28, Terra of Life, they. call. me. Bridge, TheUniqueFangirl, MeteorWars, ElySeMMedo47, ElementalMiko12, Wendy Mae, Guest, AcidRain1698, ManderNaner, CodenameMise, wolf-cry77, Everwrote(x2), co0ki3. m0n5ter, ThayetJade, The 0bservanc3, positive vibes only, o0vicarious-living0o, KitKat2648, Roxyrox12, Tohka123, itsxoi, Weevilcat, lezonne, Hipster012, Guest, teyaamarie, Kitty9453, this. story. is. me, PhoenixRomege, Mady, AvaTheGemini, and CathJorda!
Up next, Chapter Twenty-Nine: Merry Fucking Christmas- Part One