*Chapter Thirty: Merry Fucking Christmas- Part Two
(December 25th, 2017, Monday Morning)
"Lucy, I don't wanna make things weird or anything. Just, just let me know, please?"
"Honestly?"
Her voice was soft, but emotionless, almost dull as her eyes found Happy. She stayed quiet for too long, prompting Natsu to whisper, "Yeah, honestly."
Lucy took a few deep breaths, her eyes glazed over before she sighed. She shook her head, as if having a fight with her mind before she was able to speak. "I... Sometimes, I feel... unwelcome... Like, I'm... I'm imposing."
Her words sank in as Natsu stared, his first instinct being to argue with her. He had tried to make her feel welcome, but then he realized he wasn't the only person she talked to. There were others at the base, and he hadn't witnessed every moment she had been through since arriving at Fairy Tail.
"Who?" he whispered, a frown weighing down on him. "Who made you feel that way?" He tried but failed to keep the accusation out of his voice. Lucy must have sensed it, the woman tensing before turning her head further away from him.
"I'm... I'm not saying a-anyone did," she mumbled, one arm wrapping around Happy while her other hand went to her chest, lightly setting her fingers over the hoodie. "Just... sometimes I don't feel... like I... I belong..." Her voice grew quiet, causing Natsu to strain his ears to hear. "Like I'm imposing, and I don't want to feel like that... not again. So, I left..."
"Lucy," Natsu started, but he was cut off when she shook her head.
She didn't want sympathy, she just wanted to be heard. "I... I know I don't have a... a strong grip on my emotions," she forced out, resisting the urge to quiet down. She pushed through, her chest burning with an emotion she couldn't place, but she knew it was fueling her voice and courage, even if it was fleeting. "I don't know why, but my brain is... it's playing tricks on me, making me think things that aren't happening, and I..."
Lucy had to let Happy go when he started squirming, her arms coiling around her body as she curled in on herself, still refusing to meet Natsu's eyes. However, instead of shutting down, she continued, though she sounded like she would rather not say what was on her mind. "It... it happens a lot, and... I don't know. I just don't feel welcome most of the time, that's all."
Natsu wanted to tell her she was being ridiculous, but he kept his mouth sealed, knowing that was one of those times Erza was telling him about. Sometimes he spoke before he thought, and that led to rubbing people the wrong way. Instead he listened to what she was saying, trying to put himself into her shoes.
Lucy was in a place where she didn't know many people, and the people she did know she had trouble communicating with. He was sure she had most of her conversations with him, but even those were sometimes hard on her. He could see how she felt like an outsider, how merely being near people could seem imposing.
It was still ridiculous, but he understood where she was coming from.
"You're welcome to hang out with me, and see me," he said, scooting his chair closer to her. He had an urge to touch her shoulder to get more of her attention, but he held back, knowing touch might upset her. He thought back to when she asked for a hug, making him wonder if it might help, but ultimately he dismissed the thought. Now didn't seem right.
"I wanted you there," Natsu said softer, hoping she was listening. She wouldn't look his way, her body stiff except for the tremble in her bottom lip. He could see her holding herself in, trying to contain the emotions and thoughts coursing through her. The only thing he could do was talk to her, to convince her she wasn't unwelcome.
"I'm not mad at you for not showing, but I was sad I didn't see you... You're my friend, Lucy. It may be hard to believe, but," he paused, feeling the slight heat surface on his face from embarrassment. Once again, Natsu wasn't the best when it came to sharing his feelings. "I like having you around. You're good company."
She wasn't good company when they first met, Natsu feeling like he was talking to a brick wall half the time, but Lucy had opened up a bit, let him see there was more beneath the surface. She was a nice girl, and he just wanted that part of her to outshine the darkness that lingered in her. It wasn't her fault it was there, but she would need to work hard to expel it, to overcome the horror that happened to her.
It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't happen overnight, but he knew she could pull through. She just had to believe in herself.
"Even when you have a bad day it doesn't mean I don't wanna be your friend. If anything you can tell me what's bothering you and I can try to help." He shrugged, giving her a sigh. "Or maybe you can just vent to me or sit here quietly. Whatever works for you. I just... I want you to know you're not unwelcome. I know my friends feel the same way too."
He wasn't as confident with that last part as he was with the others, but he still said it. He knew his friends, knew they were good, kind people. They wouldn't be mean to Lucy for no reason, and he hoped she started seeing that soon, especially since he wanted them all to hang out tonight.
It would be good for them all to have more friends. The world was dark and dreary, and they needed more joy in life.
"I promise you, I want you around. Okay?"
Despite every effort Lucy tried, she couldn't stop the tears from slowly trailing down her cheeks. She clenched her teeth, but it didn't help, only making the emotions she held in that much more violent.
She gasped, the sound turning into a sob halfway through. Lucy shook her head, not wanting to cry. She was so sick of feeling sorry for herself, but it was easier to give in than fight.
"You're not imposing. We're friends, alright?" Natsu whispered, his words only making her feel worse.
She didn't mean to make him try so hard. He was working on comforting her when she should have been there when he needed comfort. He was locked away and she couldn't even muster a word to say to him, then she took off when he was finally set free. Lucy didn't feel she deserved to be his friend, but here he was, opening himself up to her anyway.
Lucy took a shaking breath, her vision blurry as she blinked the tears away. She hadn't started crying past the point of stopping, her throat feeling tight as she rubbed at her face. She wished Happy hadn't left, wanting something to hold on to. She held herself, knowing at the end of the day, she had to be there for herself. She couldn't rely on Natsu forever, but he hadn't cast her away, hadn't told her she needed to change or he would split. He was offering her his friendship, and she knew better than to refuse that.
Lucy turned towards him, her frame shaking as she suppressed her crying. She had long lost track of how many times she had cried in the last year. The whole year seemed to shit on her, and it didn't seem like it was going to stop despite the year coming to an end.
'This hasn't been my lowest point,' Lucy thought, that alone perking her up. She dried her tears, reminding herself she had been in far worse situations. Talking with Natsu didn't come close to that. In fact, it was the opposite. She liked spending time with him, it was only her mind keeping her from enjoying what was left of her life.
She was alive, safe and somewhat sound at Fairy Tail. Sure, it was cold and dark, but that didn't stop her heart from feeling warm, knowing she had made some friends since being there.
Natsu, Happy, Yukino, Levy, Wendy, and Grandeeney. They were her friends, and if she could get better, there was a good chance she could make more.
"Do you want me to get you water or something?" Natsu asked, trying to cheer Lucy up. He stood when she nodded, getting the pitcher and a glass before pouring her some water. He set it on the desk when he was done, taking his seat while waiting for her to drink.
He would have to go get more water soon, the pitcher almost empty. He doubted Lucy went to get more while he was gone, but he was happy she hadn't run out. He imagined it would be tougher on her if she was alone with nothing to drink for a few days.
"How was being by yourself?" Natsu asked, quickly adding, "While I was gone?" He didn't want her thinking he was talking about when she was in that basement or something else, wanting to stay away from that time in her life. She had already cried once today. He didn't want her to do it again.
Lucy didn't respond right away, her eyes flitting around the table before reaching Natsu's face. He didn't push, letting her think of her answer in peace. "It... was okay... I guess."
Natsu nodded, a small smile gracing his lips. "Fair enough." He leaned back in his chair, trying but failing to get comfortable. "I was bored as fuck in there."
He wasn't sure he saw right, but he swore Lucy cracked a tiny smile before it disappeared, her voice less strained as she whispered, "Yeah, I was too."
Natsu felt a connection between them then. They both had that shared experience, no matter how ridiculous and stupid. They had been locked up and survived, only to come out on top. Neither of them were sick, and they proved it to everyone.
"So, did you do anything besides work, eat, and sleep?" He tested the waters, seeing if she was in the mood for conversation. If he sensed she wasn't, he would back off, but he hoped she was good. He had been bored senseless for two days, and some conversation, no matter how light, sounded good to him.
"I read," Lucy supplied, her hand slipping into the pocket on the hoodie she wore before pulling out his phone. "And watched... some TV."
"Oh yeah?" Natsu eyed the phone, wishing he had it when he was locked up. The time would have passed easier, but there was nothing he could do about it now. "What were you watching?"
"'The Walking Dead'," Lucy answered, surprising Natsu.
His eyes widened, worried the show would have scared her. When he asked, Lucy shook her head, her tears gone but her eyes still watery. "No, it was okay... The... the second episode was gross."
Lucy shivered, the action making Natsu smile inwardly. She looked silly, but he liked that she felt comfortable enough to show such a strong reaction to him. "With the guts."
"Oh, when they cover themselves in guts to hide from the zombies in plain sight?" Natsu furrowed his brows, thinking back to when the outbreak first started. "I asked if we should try that, but no one wants to risk it. We don't know all the ways the virus thing spreads, and we don't wanna get infected on accident."
As an afterthought, Natsu added, "Or on purpose." He chuckled, moving on. "I have thought of some things I think would help. Do you wanna hear them?"
Once Lucy nodded, Natsu started listing them off. "Spray painting their eyes with black paint. I mean, think about it. Wouldn't that make them blind? Then it'd be easier to get away from them. I mean, we'd have to be pretty close to spray them, and they might still be able to track us down by hearing or smelling, but you gotta admit, sight plays a huge role in how they hunt us."
Natsu paused, his lips twisting as he thought. "Is 'hunt' the right word? It doesn't seem like they're looking for humans. They just stumble upon them and decide, yeah, I think that'd make a great meal. Let's take a bite and find out. I also—"
Natsu's voice cut out when he heard a sound from Lucy he never thought he'd hear. She giggled, her hand flying over her mouth quickly as if that would stop him from hearing it. Her eyes were wide, her pale skin turning red as she cleared her throat, trying to hide her reaction.
He didn't know how to respond. As much as he wanted to bring it up, Natsu forced himself to stay silent, knowing it would only make her uncomfortable if he addressed it. He was about to carry on with what he was saying and blaze over it, but he changed his mind, deciding it was worth the risk. Lucy needed to know she deserved to be happy, and there was no reason to punish herself because of a little giggle.
"It's okay to laugh," he said, his tone cautious. Natsu offered her a warm smile, hoping she believed him. "I know life kinda sucks right now, but there's no reason we gotta be serious all the time. What's the point in surviving if we're not living?"
Lucy's eyes fell to the table, but she didn't pull away from him, only staying silent as his words soaked in. She understood where he was coming from, but it was hard. She didn't want to give too much of herself away, scared it would make her vulnerable. The thought was silly, considering she already felt and looked vulnerable without trying.
'I can afford a laugh or two,' Lucy thought, knowing she had to get out of her comfort zone if she ever wanted to heal. The longer she confined herself to her safety bubble, the longer it would take for her to get better.
Lucy slowly nodded, her hand dropping to her lap as she looked towards Natsu. She kept her eyes on his chest, deeming that good enough. He seemed to think so too, scooting his chair closer to the table as he continued with his ideas, not bringing up Lucy's laugh again for the remainder of the conversation.
She appreciated it, finding it easier to relax around Natsu since he didn't criticize or drag on the fact that she let a laugh out on accident. For the first time, Lucy realized Natsu was actually pretty funny, even if some of the things he said were utter nonsense.
Like his idea to make zombies like horses.
"And then we can put them to work. They'll pull on their leases to get to the humans and pull our stuff so we don't have to. Then, when we get to our destination, we'll just, I dunno, kill them? Nah, maybe we can keep them around just in case we need to move again."
Natsu almost frowned before another idea popped into his head. "OH! I know, we can get them masks so they can't bite us, and maybe those oversized mittens so they can't scratch! It'll be perfect! Have you ever seen those masks people who do kendo wear? They have these bar things on them. I bet I can find a book in the library about it. There's a kendo place in Magnolia. Erza used to train with them for a few years, so she knows where it's at. I bet we can lift some masks from there, hit a department store and get some leases, collars, and mittens, then we can use zombies to move our shit. We wouldn't need to worry when we run outta gas."
Natsu grinned, feeling proud of himself for coming up with that idea. "I'll tell Gramps next time I see him," he said, getting up to grab his notebook to write the idea down before he forgot. It would save the survivor's energy while also keeping them safe. "Maybe we should find a way to secure the mask so there's no chance it'll slip off. We can tie rope around their neck pieces... Maybe put duct tape around their wrists too... Oh! We could always just duct tape their whole hands! Maybe even their mouths too for added protection! That'll work!"
Lucy had her lips pressed into a tight line, debating if she should add to his insane idea or not. She decided to offer her idea, even if it only encouraged the madness. "Maybe... you should find a way to brake..."
When Natsu gave her a questioning glance, she added, "When you stop, that way the zombies... don't wander off and pull your stuff... You can, use like an anchor, or something... Maybe? I don't know."
Natsu's eyes lit up before he nodded, giving Lucy a thumbs up. "Great idea! I'll add it." He sat crisscrossed on his bed, jotting down everything that came to mind. Even if there was a good chance Makarov would shoot down the idea, he wanted to record it.
He already had a few ideas written down before today, mostly having to do with the fireworks they had. Since the outbreak happened a few days after the Fourth of July, there were many firework stands still open filled with supplies. They had raided one stand, but he knew there were more throughout Magnolia.
Not only that, his supply of fireworks was on the base, unused since their campsite didn't allow fireworks that year. Makarov didn't let Natsu keep them in his room since they could be dangerous, but even their leader realized their potential, storing the fireworks in case they came in handy.
Before Natsu knew it, he was filling up page after page of ideas to use the zombies for their own benefit, as well as ways to make it easier to kill the walking dead. Between some pages, Natsu flipped back to where he wrote his journal, writing down how bored he was the past two days to catch up. He wanted to keep a record of what happened after the outbreak, even if it was vague or short sometimes.
Lucy watched Natsu go, her eyes wide as he didn't take a break. She thought about grabbing her own notebook to write, but she wasn't feeling in the mood. Instead, Lucy went over to the corner of the room to grab Happy, noticing Natsu in his own little world. She blinked when she saw his brows furrowed and the tip of his tongue sticking out as he wrote, his concentration strong.
'He looks cute like that.'
Lucy bit back a flush as she thought about how strong Natsu was in other areas. Sure, when he found her in that basement, she had been lighter than she was now, but she could still feel his strength when he carried her to his truck. Her eyes flitted to his arms without her consent, transfixed on the toned muscles beneath that deep tan.
She forced her eyes closed for a long moment when she realized she was staring, her inner demons telling her she had no right to look at him that way. He was kind enough to be her friend. She didn't deserve anything more from him. Not only that, she didn't think she could handle a relationship now even if one was presenting itself to her.
Besides, she didn't like Natsu like that. His physical appearance was nice, but that didn't mean she wanted to be with him. He wasn't the kind of guy she went for.
'Then again, those guys never worked out in the end... Maybe I should have broadened the type of guys I dated?'
Instead of focusing on her thoughts about Natsu, Lucy went back to thinking about past boyfriends, comparing them with each other. She definitely had a type, flirty guys with more confidence than they knew what to do with. They were also gentlemanly, courting her in the way her father treated her mother. She liked the attention at first, but she always grew bored with them, finding them dull when there was no one around they wanted to impress.
She had three brief boyfriends before she got with the last guy she was with, but it had ended badly.
'I was too naive,' Lucy thought, sitting on her bed so she could cuddle with Happy. Her mind drifted to Happy's blue coat, her nose wrinkling at his smell. While Natsu continued writing, Lucy went to grab a towel and the pitcher of water, getting the towel wet before giving Happy a wipe down.
The cat was not pleased, squirming to get away from her grasp. She barely managed to get Happy's front half before sighing, the urge to give up rearing its ugly head. However, before she let go of the stubborn cat, two large hands joined hers, holding Happy's sides to keep him still.
Lucy didn't jolt when Natsu helped her, hearing him approach a few seconds before she saw him. She nodded, accepting his help before giving Happy a better bath. She made sure to get his paws and legs, knowing they were worse than his back. Happy relaxed when Lucy finished with his tail, Natsu's cooing keeping Happy calm.
When the task was done, Lucy and Natsu released him, watching as he scurried his way to the windowsill to get away from them. Lucy smothered a smile, her eyes flashing to Natsu's to see him shaking his head as he sighed.
"Well, maybe now he'll smell better," he said, looking down at her before grinning. "Thanks for that by the way. I wanted to do it but forgot." He grabbed the towel from her, tossing it in the dirty clothes pile. He had plans to wash his own clothes soon, using rain water and body wash. It seemed easier to throw the clothes out, but he didn't want to be wasteful. Besides, some of those shirts he got before the outbreak, and he wanted to hold onto them for as long as possible, even if most of them had stains and holes in them now.
Natsu rummaged through his clothes, pulling out one shirt he loved in particular. His finger went through the small hole on the shoulder, but he didn't bother feeling bad. Just like the shirt, he had survived, and he would be damned if he gave up his stuff so easily.
His friends liked to tease him and call him a hoarder from time to time, but the truth was Natsu loved collecting things, especially those with sentimental value to him. It was why he couldn't bring himself to throw away anything that reminded him of his life before, even if it made his bookcase more cluttered than Lucy's. Some of his stuff had even started to find their way on the third bookcase.
'If Lucy had more stuff we could just share it.'
Natsu cast a glance over his shoulder, surprised when he caught Lucy staring at him, her brows pinched together as she tried to see what he was doing. He didn't tease her when he caught her, instead turning so she could see the article of clothing.
"Be honest, were you the type of person who bought clothes with holes already in them?" He wiggled his finger at her, hoping to get her to smile again. She didn't, instead his words having the opposite effect.
Lucy's eyes rounded for a second before she opened her mouth, her voice defensive as she said, "And what if I was?"
He grinned, liking the push back. Natsu shrugged, tossing the shirt into the pile before dusting off his hands on his pants despite not being dirty. "Nothing, just curious. It just always confused me. Couldn't figure out why people spent more money for stuff that looked damaged."
"Maybe..." Lucy started, unsure if she should say anything. It bordered on revealing more about herself, but she figured it wouldn't hurt now. It wasn't as if her family's fortune could do anything for her. He didn't even know her last name, so there was no chance he would see her differently, right?
"Maybe I had the money... to spend on nice clothes," she whispered, her hands falling to the pants she wore now. Truthfully, she had been a tad superficial sometimes, caring far too much about name brands than comfort. There were days when she would simply wear a shirt and jeans, but they always had some designer's name on it, even if she didn't need those things.
'I was too caught up in brands too... Maybe I wasn't that great before this either?' Lucy frowned, wishing she could go back and knock some sense into her earlier self. She wished she had spent more time forging stronger friendships. She spent too much time partying and caring what other people thought.
But what could she say? She was enjoying her youth, living life to the fullest before life started shitting on her.
Lucy thought Natsu would tease her again, ready to fire off with something of his own. However, his smile faded, Natsu's eyes fixed on hers for a few seconds before he looked away, nodding. He retreated back to his bed, his good mood vanishing. "Well, good for you."
Lucy's shoulders fell, her chest feeling heavier as she saw Natsu grab his notebook again. Instead of jotting down stuff like his life depended on it, Natsu slowly dragged the pen against paper, his eyes dull as he leaned against the wall.
"Natsu?" Lucy whispered, wondering what caused his change in mood. She walked over to her bed, sitting on the edge while facing him. A sickening feeling took over her heart, her arms numb as she looked at him, wondering why he seemed upset. "Did... did I say something, wrong?"
Natsu looked up, his eyes flashing with something she couldn't recognize before his brows raised. "Oh, no." He shook his head, but Lucy was unconvinced. "I just... Nothing."
Lucy bit her lip, wanting to stay quiet, but she couldn't. He looked torn up about something, and she knew she had caused it, even if she wasn't aware how. She couldn't see how things had changed so fast, and if she didn't press for answers, she was never going to know.
She didn't want him mad at her, didn't want his bitter tone directed her way.
"Please?" she whispered, causing him to part his lips.
He kept her gaze for a long moment before pulling his legs up, resting his notebook on them while keeping her gaze, his voice not as confident as he had been earlier. "Promise you won't laugh?"
Natsu blinked, realizing how stupid that sounded. He wanted Lucy to laugh, to be happy, but not at his expense. He waited until she nodded, taking in a subtle breath before sighing. "I... I kinda thought the ripped jeans look was... cool, but..."
A strange feeling surfaced in Natsu's torso, his stomach threatening to turn as he thought back to when he was in high school and first asked Igneel for money to buy new clothes. He remembered being excited when they went to the mall, only to have disappointment take over when Igneel told him they couldn't afford the designer ripped jeans, that he would have to settle for the normal kind at department stores.
Since then, he hadn't asked Igneel for anything like that again, but part of him envied the kids who got the name brand clothes, the kids who had parents who didn't worry about money.
It was something Natsu didn't like sharing, reminding him how ungrateful he felt back then. Every time he felt envious of another kid's clothes or stuff, he reminded himself he should be lucky he even had a parent to begin with. Igneel went out of his way to adopt him, and there he was wishing he had better stuff. It always made Natsu feel guilty, even thinking about it now. He almost didn't tell Lucy what was on his mind, but he swallowed down the ill feeling, deciding it wouldn't hurt to let her in, just a little.
"I... I told you I was adopted, right?"
Lucy nodded, remembering when Natsu spoke about his father, Igneel. He had described the type of man he was, how him and his late wife adopted both Natsu and Zeref. Lucy couldn't help but think he was an admirable man, even if she thought she had never met him before.
"What... about it?"
Natsu frowned, hoping Lucy wouldn't think he was ungrateful either. He paused before telling her the story, leaving out some of the details about how bad he felt when Igneel told him no to the ripped jeans. "We just, we couldn't afford clothes like that. I mean, it's fine. I was still clothed, but part of me wanted more... When I got my first job, that's what I did when I made enough money. I bought myself a pair of the jeans I always wanted, and it felt pretty damn good."
He almost groaned, thinking how stupid that sounded. "I know it was just a pair of dumb jeans, but I think I liked them better when I earned them. Of course, by the time I got them everyone already had a pair of their own, so it wasn't as cool, but I guess that's okay."
Natsu managed a small smile, his eyes flashing to Lucy. "You ever wish you could go back and throttle your past self?"
"Yes." Lucy didn't hesitate, causing Natsu's eyes to widen. He was about to ask if she had a certain instance in mind, but he kept his mouth shut, deciding she would offer that information if she wanted.
When she said nothing else, he nodded, deciding it was enough. They weren't playing a game where they swapped personal stories, and he wouldn't force her to tell. However, he did hope she wasn't beating herself up over whatever happened. 'It couldn't have been that bad, right?'
"I'm sorry," Lucy said, breaking Natsu's thoughts.
He gave her a confused look, cocking his head as he waited for some kind of explanation. From what he could tell, she had nothing to be sorry for, unaware that his story gave her some unneeded guilt.
"I... I didn't appreciate... what I had," Lucy started, her voice hesitant to keep herself composed. "I... I should have been more... more grateful, but I wasn't." While Lucy didn't think money was everything growing up, she also never wondered what it felt like to need material things after they moved on from the farm.
Anything she wanted, her parents got for her, and sometimes they gave her more than she wanted. She was well off, but she didn't take the time to be thankful for everything she had like she should have.
Knowing there were people out there who missed out on things they wanted, even trivial things like a certain type of clothing, made her wish she could go back and change things about herself.
'I wasn't all bad,' Lucy reminded herself, remembering the times she volunteered with her mom to raise money for charity, or decided to stay in her room and study instead of join in the partying. Sure, she went to a few too many parties, and she did a few things she wasn't proud of, but she didn't consider herself a bad person.
She was just young and carefree, something she wished she could feel again, even for just a minute.
"You don't have to feel sorry for me," Natsu said dryly, his words making Lucy shake her head.
"I... I didn't say that." She frowned, not wanting him to think she pitied him. She didn't, not once. After everything she went through, she knew the type of clothes she wore didn't matter. Money didn't matter. The only things that truly mattered were friends and family, and keeping a will to survive. "I don't feel, sorry for you. Just, sorry you felt, that way..."
Natsu realized his mistake as soon as he heard Lucy say his words back to him. His eyes widened, ready to tell her she misunderstood, but he let it go. Instead of worrying about that, Natsu offered her a small smile as he nodded. "I get it. Still, no apology needed. I'm better now, really."
It was true. Natsu didn't like thinking about bad things, so he kept those memories further down. Most of the time, he never thought about things he missed out on, deciding instead to focus on the things he did get to do. He had lots of friends and a mountain of good times he shared with them. He wouldn't trade any of that for all the designer clothes in the world.
Deciding to take his mind off it, Natsu forced a smile on his face. "Do you wanna play Pokémon?" He had written all he wanted to write for the day, his ideas safe so he wouldn't forget.
Lucy bit her inner cheek, summoning the courage to turn him down. "Actually, I..." She closed her mouth, feeling that earlier guilt for not seeing him when he was locked up come back. Her book would be there later. She could suck it up and play the game with him for a while if that was what he wanted to do. Besides, she liked playing, she just loved reading more.
"Sure," she whispered, unknowingly slipping her disappointment into her tone.
"What is it?" Natsu asked, his fake smile fading as he cocked his head.
Lucy shook her head, swallowing before saying, "Nothing. Let's play."
He wasn't buying that nothing was wrong, seeing it written on her face. He almost let it slide, but decided against it. "You can tell me what's wrong. I won't be mad. If you don't wanna play that's fine with me. I was just trying to find something to do, that's all."
Lucy nodded to herself, believing he wouldn't be upset if she told him the truth. "I... I was kind of wanting to read my book."
"Oh, yeah." Natsu blinked, surprised yet oddly happy she said what she wanted to do. It was another step in the right direction, Lucy's progress growing stronger. He was sad he wouldn't get to play with her, but he could get over it. "Go ahead."
"Are you sure?" Lucy asked, not wanting him to be bored. She supposed she could read the book out loud for him. It would help her with her speech and let him get some entertainment, but she read so much faster on her own, and she didn't want to fumble through the lines at the moment.
Natsu nodded before standing, stretching his arms and legs. "Yup. Besides, there's something I gotta take care of anyways."
"You're leaving?" Lucy asked, eyes following him when he headed towards his bags.
Natsu rifled through them, finding the package of toy bullets for Asuka's gun. He thought he gave her the last package already, but a few days ago when he was looking through his stuff, he found it. The deal was already in place with Bisca, all he had to do was deliver the goods.
"I shouldn't be gone long. You gonna be okay by yourself?"
Natsu swore he saw her eyes narrow and her cheek twitch, but he couldn't be sure since he was across the room. He blinked, only positive of one thing. Lucy took a deep breath before she answered, sounding slightly annoyed. "Yeah. I'll be fine alone."
"Okay," Natsu whispered, wondering if he was seeing and hearing things. He doubted Lucy was actually annoyed at him. If anything, he just caught her by surprise. He dismissed the thought, giving her a wave before leaving the room, locking the door behind him.
Natsu went to Levy's room first, not needing to knock since their door was propped open. He saw Levy and Cana rearranging their room, setting out sleeping bags to act as cushions for tonight.
Natsu cleared his throat, catching both girls' attention. Cana was the first to look up, smiling when she saw who it was. She dropped what she was doing, strolling up to Natsu before giving him a hug. "Look who made it out alive."
Natsu chuckled, opening up to accept a hug from Levy, who was following behind. He gave them both a squeeze, once again happy to be out of quarantine. It was too lonely in there.
When they pulled away, Levy tried apologizing for them not being there that morning, but he waved it off, saying it was alright. He figured they were busy setting up anyway, and he didn't question if they cared about him or not.
The only person he had questioned was Lucy, and he was glad they had a chance to talk about it, easing his concerns.
"What's that for?" Cana asked, her eyes on the toy in his hand before she raised a brow.
"Asuka," Natsu said, following them into their room. "You guys still getting ready for tonight?"
Levy nodded, shifting the sleeping bags around to make a large circle. "There's supposed to be more people coming than we thought. I hope this is enough."
"I got my sleeping bag," Natsu said, stopping a few feet in front of Levy. "Want me to bring it with me tonight?"
"That would help." Levy nodded, pushing her bangs out of her hair before smiling up at him. "What brings you here now? Did you want to help set up?"
"Actually, I had something else in mind," Natsu started, seeing the confusion slip over Levy's face. Cana looked over in interest.
"What's that?"
"I have a favor to ask. I need to get Lucy out of the room until tonight, and I was wondering if she could hang out here?"
"You know the party isn't going to start until after dinner," Cana said, giving him a wary look. "I don't think she'll be okay with staying here with me that long if you're not here too."
Natsu nodded, his smile dropping a bit before his eyes flashed to Levy. "Levy'll be here, so that should be enough to calm her down... I think."
When Cana frowned at his answer, Natsu sighed, knowing he was in a tough spot. He didn't want to get Cana's hopes up, but she had hurt Lucy, whether it was intentional or not. Groping Lucy's breasts had crossed a major line with his roommate, and he didn't want to sugarcoat anything. "She'll probably come around eventually. She's just gotta keep seeing you're not a threat or anything."
"I've been doing that though," Cana urged, her hands resting on her hips. "I haven't even touched her since that one time, and I barely speak to her. What's a girl gotta do to get some forgiveness?"
"Honestly? I don't know." Natsu's shoulders fell at the admission, wishing he had more answers. "But I don't think she's going to hold a grudge against you. She just has to get more used to you. Hey, maybe having her here would actually help?" he asked, shrugging. "Maybe, I dunno, just try talking to her about something."
"It's true," Levy said, gaining both of their attention. "I started talking to Lucy about books and eventually she kind of started talking back. She's getting a little better." She gave them an awkward smile. "At least she doesn't flinch anymore around me."
"That's... something," Cana said, looking unconvinced.
"Look, I just need her out of the room for a while." Natsu needed them to agree, otherwise he couldn't pull off his surprise. He didn't know who else would agree to look after Lucy while he set it up, and he wanted to have it done by the time they got back from the party tonight.
"Why?" Cana asked, giving him a wink. Her words sounded teasing, but her voice still held that discouraged tone, letting him know she was trying to get over their conversation in the only way she knew best. Playing. "You got a girl coming over?"
While Levy rolled her eyes, Natsu laughed, shaking his head at Cana's silliness. "No. I'm gonna work on a present for Lucy and I don't want her to see it before it's ready. That's all."
Levy didn't look at all surprised that he wouldn't have 'company'. "What's the present?"
As soon as Natsu got done explaining what he wanted to do for Lucy, Levy was sporting a huge grin. "Really? That's so sweet!"
Natsu furrowed his brows before shaking his head. "It's not sweet. It's just something I think she'd like."
"Dude. That's basically the definition of sweet." Cana laughed, enjoying a good tease. "I know I'd go head over heels if someone did that shit for me. What are you tryin' to do lover boy, make her fall for ya?"
While Natsu knew his friends were kidding, he couldn't stop the slight blush from surfacing on his face. He grumbled under his breath, glaring at them as they chuckled at his reaction. "Are you gonna help me or not?"
"Yeah, we can help." Levy looked at her watch before tilting her head side to side, thinking to herself. "How about I go get her in... thirty minutes? Will that be good?"
"I don't think it'll take me too long to set up," Natsu said, scratching the back of his head. "So if it's a little later than that it'll be fine. I think I just need an hour tops, plus I think it'll be easier keeping her busy if you only gotta do it for an hour."
"Pretty sure it's going to take you longer than that," Levy said, shaking her head. "I'll get her about two hours before dinner. Sound good."
Natsu nodded, happy his plans were moving forward. Levy pressed her lips into a thin line, crossing her arms over her stomach as she mumbled, "I didn't get anything for Lucy..." She smiled, glancing back up at Natsu. "Can you do me a favor?"
"What's that?"
"Since you're going to the old astronomy room anyways to get that book, can you grab one of the telescopes too, but say it's from me?"
"And me," Cana butted in, grinning.
If Natsu wasn't juggling so many tasks in his head, he would have laughed at the eagerness on Cana's face, but he kept quiet. "Yeah, I can do that. Anything else?"
"Nope. I think we're all good. I'll get the sleeping bag when I pick up Lucy later."
"Sounds like a plan." Natsu said his goodbyes before leaving their room, his next destination being Bisca and Alzack's room.
Natsu knocked on the door once he arrived, waiting for someone to answer. The door swung open a moment later, Alzack nodding before stepping deeper into the room. "Bisca said you'd be stopping by."
Natsu followed him in, taking a quick look around before watching Alzack grab three packages out of a cabinet. He wished he had cabinets in his room. Those would come in handy, but he supposed his bookcases were good too.
"Are they still at breakfast?" Natsu asked, looking at his watch before dismissing the idea. It was well past breakfast time.
"Nah, they went for a walk." Alzack turned and laughed. "We're trying to tire her out so she goes to sleep on time. Last night she stayed up late waiting for Santa, so she's been trying to sleep in this morning."
"Ah, so you figure if you keep her up she won't be up all night tonight?" Natsu guessed, earning a nod.
"That's the plan anyways. I think we're more tired than she is." Alzack sighed before holding out the items for Natsu.
He handed Alzack the toy bullets, pocketing the things he received. "A toy for a toy, huh?" Natsu chuckled, hoping Lucy would like them. He almost frowned when he thought about what Cana and Levy were implying, knowing Lucy wouldn't think he was trying to... to...
Well, Natsu wasn't exactly sure what she would think. He hadn't thought past surprising Lucy. 'Would she think it's a romantic gesture? Surely not... It's just a gift between friends, that's all.'
He hoped Lucy would see it that way, otherwise he would have a harder time getting her to trust him. He wasn't interested in being anything more than friends with her, but he felt like she knew it. Lucy didn't seem like the kind of person who was looking for a relationship right now, and honestly, he wasn't either.
He never wanted to go down that road. While he saw happy couples, he also saw how devastating it could be to lose a loved one, and that was before the outbreak started.
On rare occasions he wondered what it would be like to have a deeper connection with someone, emotionally and physically, but he always dismissed the thought.
Natsu decided a long time ago he was better off focusing on himself, his friends, and his family. He didn't need someone to give his heart too. He had lots of platonic love, and that was enough.
"You gonna hang out in the arena tonight?" Alzack asked, thankfully breaking Natsu out of his thoughts. "We're going with Asuka. I guess most of the kids'll be there to hang out."
Natsu shook his head, a smile curving his lips. "I'mma be hanging out with some friends tonight. We're gonna play games and stuff."
"That sounds fun too." Alzack held out his hand, waiting for Natsu to shake it. "Hope you have fun. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas to you too." Natsu released Alzack's hand, giving the man a final wave before leaving his room. He was almost done with his tasks, then he could relax until it was time to set up his room.
Natsu went to the Astronomy room next, needing to go downstairs for that. He knew Hisui lived in that room alone but she was dating Arcadios. Arcadios was one of the gate guards while Hisui was a water gatherer. However, before that, she was the daughter of their town's mayor, who unfortunately died when the outbreak first started.
Natsu hesitated before knocking on the door, unsure if anyone was home. It was Hisui who answered, her bright smile dropping once she saw who was at the door. "Oh," she whispered, her shoulders falling as she sighed. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."
"Uh, sorry?" Natsu didn't know what else to say, and he figured asking who she was expecting would be overstepping. "I'm Natsu, I'm not sure if we've been properly introduced?"
Hisui nodded, her soft green hair bunching up over her shoulder as she cocked her head. "Sherry and Cana have mentioned your name before. What can I do for you?"
Natsu didn't bother asking why his name was in Sherry's mouth, merely moving past that to get at his own goals. "One of my friends really loves stars and stuff, and I thought it'd be cool to give her one of the astronomy books from this class. I dunno if you still have them, or if they were moved somewhere else after you moved in?"
"Oh, those?" Hisui looked behind her before glancing at him. "Give me a second, I'll get one."
She proceeded to close the door, locking it while she got the book. Natsu figured she didn't trust him, which was understandable. He had never met her personally, and if she was alone in there he could see why she'd be cautious.
He waited patiently until she opened the door, handing him one of the better copies of the text book. "Was that all?"
"Actually no," Natsu started, tucking the book under his arm before giving Hisui an awkward smile. "I was hoping I could snatch a telescope too, if you still have them."
When she raised a brow, Natsu explained. "My other friends wanna give it as a gift to the girl I'm giving this book to."
Hisui blinked before giving a slight snort. "Wait here." Once again, she disappeared into the room, only to return with a telescope. Natsu knew from experience they weren't in the best condition, donated to the school many years before he started high school. But, they were good enough to stargaze with, and that was all Lucy needed it for. He didn't know if she would use it or not, but he thought it was an awesome gift nevertheless, even if it became a decoration.
'Maybe I shoulda given her the telescope and give Levy and Cana the book? Nah, it's fine.' He didn't need credit. He just wanted Lucy to be happy.
"This girl must be really special," Hisui said, handing the telescope to Natsu.
He smiled, holding the large object as best he could while nodding. "Yeah, I think so." He hadn't known Lucy long, but from what he could tell, there was more to her than met the eye. "Thanks for these! Merry Christmas!"
"To you as well." Hisui did a half-bow, confusing Natsu before she closed her door on him for the final time.
Natsu chuckled to himself, finding her behavior strange. Everyone had their quirks, and that was perfectly fine with him. He was sure he had a few of his own.
Knowing he couldn't go back to his room yet, Natsu stopped by Levy's again, dropping off the telescope before heading to the children's classroom. He wasn't surprised to find it unlocked, Natsu stepping in before heading to the nearest table.
Now that he had his hands free, Natsu flipped through the book, making sure there wasn't anything obscene written or drawn in it. They were at a public school after all, and some kids tended to draw cartoon dicks or curse words when they got bored.
Natsu grabbed the container with wrapping paper in it, rifling through various pieces to find one big enough to fit around the book. The kids used wrapping paper for crafts, meaning there were just scraps left over.
He smiled when he found a red piece big enough, but he wouldn't wrap the book yet. He wanted to look through it to find some reference material for his other gift.
Natsu grabbed a few more pieces to bring back to his room where his other gifts were kept. He swiped a stick of glue, deciding that would be less wasteful than using tape for everything. He could bring it back the next time he decided to volunteer to help the kids, or he could stop by later if he remembered.
When Natsu got back to his room, he found Lucy on her bed, reading. Happy was resting in her lap, the cat snoozing away. Lucy had her eyes on the door as he entered, only relaxing her guard when she saw it was Natsu. He nodded at her before heading to the desk, setting his materials down to get to work.
While Lucy continued reading, Natsu nonchalantly pulled the astronomy book from under his shirt, putting it in a drawer for later. He wrapped the presents for his friends, trying to cover as much of the gifts as possible. He didn't want to part with some of his stuff, like his best smelling candle he was giving to Levy, but he thought it was worth it to make his friends happy. He wished life wasn't how it was, that he could just go buy them awesome gifts like he used to when he had a job. Now he had to scrape together whatever he could find, which honestly, wasn't much.
Still, his friends weren't snobs, and he knew anything thoughtful would make them smile.
Natsu finished sooner than he thought. He put his gifts in a bag to be brought to his friends later. According to Gray, their immediate friends were meeting up after dinner, then more guests were coming thirty minutes later. The party was supposed to go on until eleven, but they were welcome to leave earlier if they wanted.
Natsu almost laughed, remembering how parties used to go before the outbreak. He remembered staying up until three in the morning, drinking just enough to get buzzed. He had gone to many parties during his last year of high school and the years following, usually tagging along with his friends who had a connection of some kind to the host.
Natsu was still debating if he wanted to drink tonight. It had been a while since he had alcohol, and every time he drank he had a lingering concern he might fall into the same pattern his birth parents had.
Igneel warned him about addiction, but he had never felt dependent on any substance aside from cigarettes.
'I'll be fine. Plus, if I do drink I'll have an advantage over the others.'
Unlike his friends, he didn't have work in the morning. He had to do the afternoon-night watch, so he could afford to sleep in if needed, but he wanted to get in a good work out before he took his weekly shower.
Natsu shivered thinking about that cold water, yearning for scalding hot water. He always took showers most people would consider too hot, but it always felt just right to him.
Natsu looked over at Lucy, wondering for a brief moment what kind of showers she took before the outbreak, or was she more of a bath kind of person. He dismissed the thought immediately, realizing it bordered on inappropriate, even if that wasn't his intention.
Deciding to take his mind off it, Natsu cleared his throat, catching her attention. "So, is that a good book?"
Lucy stared at the pages for a few seconds before placing a finger on the last sentence she read, marking her spot. She looked up, giving him a nod before whispering, "Yes."
Her eyes dipped down to the words, her mind trying to get back to where she was before. She wished he hadn't interrupted her, the story thickening as the plot developed. Her imagination was running wild while she read, picturing it perfectly inside her head.
Reading was her escape, her salvation. She didn't have to be Lucy when she was reading. She was just along for the ride, swept up in whatever world the book pulled her into.
That was, until Natsu kept asking her questions, breaking her concentration.
"What's this one about?"
Lucy took a discreet deep breath, eyes flashing to Natsu's before saying, "Adventure."
"Adventures sound awesome," Natsu said, giving her a toothy grin. "What're the characters like?"
Lucy's cheek twitched, but she answered him anyway, ignoring the urge to continue reading in peace since that wasn't likely until all his questions were asked. It was something that happened fairly often, Natsu trying to engage in conversation with her.
She wanted to tell him he didn't have to try so much, but she worried it would offend him and he wouldn't try at all. She enjoyed talking to him for the most part, but not when she was emotional, and not when she was reading either.
"He's fun," Lucy said, her voice flat. "And bois... boisterous." Her mind went back to a scene from the beginning of the book, remembering him scoffing when the other main character told him the berries he was eating weren't okay to consume. "Kind of rude, but he's coming around."
Natsu raised a brow, wondering why she was reading the book if she didn't sound happy about it. Silence fell between them, but as soon as Lucy's eyes lowered to her book again, he found himself asking another question. "What's the adventure?"
Lucy's brows pinched together, but she refused to look up at Natsu, not wanting him to see her sour expression. It was too late, Natsu's eyes widening at the look of annoyance on her face. He immediately convinced himself he was seeing things, not wanting to believe the alternative.
However, when she spoke, it was hard pretending everything was okay. "They're traveling across the country... and dealing with things... along the way."
"It is... in a modern setting?" Natsu asked cautiously.
Lucy shook her head, thumb swiping over the words she just read. However, she barely retained the information, her concentration broken by Natsu. "Back when there were no... no cars."
"That sounds awesome," Natsu said, thinking about his motion sickness. Then again, without vehicles, it would be a lot harder to travel. 'I guess that's where the adventure part comes in.'
"Sure," Lucy whispered, causing Natsu's brows to furrow.
"Are you okay?"
Lucy's face paled, wondering if she went too far. She quickly nodded, trying to sound convincing. "Y-yeah. I'm fine."
"Are you sure? You seem kinda..."
Mad.
Agitated.
Weird.
"... off."
Lucy chewed on her inner cheek, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "I'm fine, promise."
Natsu wanted to groan. He had the feeling she was lying to him, but he didn't want to call her out. What if it lead to her crying? Or worse. What if it lead to a fight? They hadn't actually fought before, but the vibe he was picking up from her suggested now would be the time.
He decided to back down, nodding before taking a seat at the desk. "Cool," he whispered, still unsure if he should believe her. She held his gaze for a long moment before finally looking back at her book, her shoulders dropping and her expression slowly softening. He didn't ask anymore questions about her book, assuming she was just in a bad mood.
He didn't think for one second his questions had been the reason she sounded upset, unaware he was messing with her flow.
Natsu decided to watch a movie on his phone, using his headphones to keep to himself. He put it on the charger, knowing it would need to be charged for tonight. He was sure they wanted to listen to music at some point, and he was the only one among them who still had a working device, aside from Erza's laptop.
Natsu's finger traced the outline of his phone, hoping it would last a long time. His friends' phones had been smashed, cracked, or lost after the outbreak, and honestly, his phone was one of the things keeping him sane. He could pretend everything was normal when playing with it, forgetting for a moment where he was and how shitty the world had become.
Natsu perked up when he heard a knock at the door. He checked his watch, smiling because Levy was right on time. Acting as if he didn't know who was there, he opened the door, making sure it was wide enough so Lucy could see who it was from where she sat on her bed. She was still reading, though she was close to finishing the book from earlier.
"Hey, what's up?" Natsu asked, feigning innocence.
He could tell Levy didn't believe his act, but she didn't have to. As long as Lucy didn't know what he was up to, he was golden. Levy peeked inside the room, making eye contact with Lucy before smiling. "Cana and I were wondering if you wanted to help us decorate? I don't know if you're into that kind of thing, but we could definitely use the help."
Natsu held his breath, hesitating before looking at Lucy. She didn't look suspicious of his intentions, instead appearing curious before she looked down at the cat resting by her side. "Can I bring Happy?"
She was asking Natsu more than Levy, knowing it was his cat. When Natsu said yes, Lucy nodded, setting her book to the side before scooping up the purring feline. "Sure."
Natsu and Levy watched as she adjusted her shirt and jacket that had bunched up around her hips. Natsu thought she looked silly in his hoodie, the thing swallowing her, coming down to the tops of her thighs. It didn't look bad, only odd. He wouldn't say that to her though, knowing it might upset her.
Natsu grabbed his sleeping bag, handing it to Levy. She smiled before looking at Lucy, her eyes softening. "Thank you for this," Levy said, gesturing for Lucy to follow her when she got closer. Before the two left the room, Levy threw Natsu a glance, one that said he owed her.
He fully intended on repaying the favor eventually, happy he got the room to himself to set up one of Lucy's presents. Closing and locking the door behind him, Natsu got to work. His surprise involved a few packages of toys, glue, and a chair since he was too short to reach the ceiling on his own.
He smiled to himself as he got to work, hoping Lucy would like her surprise.
.
.
.
Natsu and Lucy both use things to cope with their lives. Lucy escapes with her books, and Natsu turns to his phone. It helps them deal with what's going on. That's why Lucy's so annoyed when Natsu interrupts her. I dunno if you've ever been reading and someone wants to talk, but it can be agitating when you really just want to read, but you also don't want to be rude. I've found myself in that situation a lot, especially in break rooms at work. Anyone else ever feel like that? One day Lucy will tell Natsu her annoyances, but today isn't that day.
Also, I've been in Natsu's position before. Sometimes I think someone's in an off mood and I want to engage them in conversation to make them happy, and I think, "I just need to find the right topic to talk about and they'll perk up", but sometimes I miss cues that they just want to be left alone and end up annoying the person. I'm trying to get better at reading people's moods.
Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate every favorite, follow, and review! Shout out to those who reviewed last time: MnMAllyn, Naelyon, Lodemai04, cOokIe-MOnzTa, TheUniqueFangirl, Shonix13, they. call. me. Bridge, itsxoi, Nalulovers, xXxMysticBeastxXx, Wiintery, Animeforlife1412, ThaDesperado64, WhatAnimeHasTaughtMe, Guest, Guest, Supergirl20155, shootingstarssel, wolf-cry77, sarahelle04, ArtemisRavenTerraFan, Nana, Nightside14, Satyrykal, TheLylaRin, stranger1999, CodenameMise, Lizxcliff11, beckstheunicorn, valerioux, Mandapandaa, RoyaldragonSevgisi15, endailles, FlameDragonHime, AlycePixi, Gigi-San28, Sam, Guest, Kaihaku No Iroke, Otaku004, Duchixx, Guest, mumof4, ElementalMiko12, TheCrimsonPhoenix10045, naluloverr, Hailsbelles, Guest, Guest, sonikastalker, alexmalik15, lili3346, Jinx333, Guest, Guest, Guest, and Softkittypaw!
Some people guessed what they thought Natsu's gifts were, and some said telescope. Honestly, I hadn't thought of that, but it was such a great idea I added it in, but Levy and Cana will get the credit for giving it to her. Thank you so much for the idea! I think Lucy would love it!
Up next, Chapter Thirty-One: Merry Fucking Christmas- Part Three