The Diego Diaries: War and Aftermath (dd6 362)
-0-Outside the doorway of the Data Center, Autobot City Medical Center, Autobot City, Primal Colony of Mars, Cybertron and the Empire, Postal District 2
He peered in, then hesitated. Squaring his shoulders, Laslo of Iacon walked into the vast room heading for the console where Bluestreak was working inputting data for the mission. He was recording injuries, deaths and all the details regarding personnel before sending it back to Prime and to Jazz as information officer of the mission. Halting before the intense youngster, Laslo leaned down. "Bluestreak?" he asked softly.
Blue glanced up, then smiled. "Laslo! Hi! Have a seat. Pull up a chair."
Laslo looked around, took a spare chair at an empty console, then moved it to sit beside Bluestreak. "Hi, Bluestreak. Am I interrupting?"
"No. Give me a moment to redirect everything," he said as he put his console and job on autopilot. It would be done through his automatic processes. Every Cybertronian of a certain age was able to do that, plugged in or not. He turned to the handsome tense mech beside him. "You brought food?" he asked with a smile.
"I did. I thought you might like a sweet bun and something to drink," Laslo said kindly.
"You read my processor," Blue said as he took the 'cinnamon bun and coffee'. After a sip, he grinned. "What brings you here?"
"Nerves. At least you didn't go out there. One less to worry about," Laslo said with a slight grin. "I hope I get used to this sometime."
"Don't," Blue suggested. "Just roll with it. Nothing about this is normal." They clicked mugs, then took bites for a moment. "Are you worried about the ceremony? Don't. I have an understanding with Rampage and the hall because this happened. They'll be ready when we are."
Laslo looked relieved. "I'm so glad."
"This happens often," Blue said. "It's going to be fine."
"I'm so happy you helped us, Blue. You really know how to organize a good party," Laslo said.
Blue chuckled. "Its self defense. The twins idea of a good party is a kegger and cards."
Laslo grinned. Then the grin slipped a little. "I'm so glad that Optimus Prime will officiate. All of the goodness and kindnesses … I find it hard sometimes given all things."
"You don't think you deserve them?" Blue asked curiously.
Laslo stared at him a moment, then nodded. "I think so. We have so much to atone for, Lucien and me. We feel it now."
"How long do you plan to feel it?" Blue asked.
Laslo glanced up. "What do you mean?"
"There comes a point, Laslo, when feeling it becomes self abuse. Take me, for instance," Blue said with a very serious expression. "Do you remember the Seeker barrage on Praxus during the war?"
He nodded. "Who can forget it? The Obliteration they called it," Laslo said solemnly.
"I was the only survivor. I was a kid, a little kid. Ironhide and Prowl found me. Prowl took on my care and parented me. I spoke to Rung for eons about this. It took 600 years before I would even speak to him. He never gives up, Rung," Blue said with a grin.
"Oh, Blue … I didn't know. I'm so sorry," Laslo said with a stricken expression.
"So was I, for a long, long time, but Prowl was my way out," Blue said. "He had the same guilt as you, being high caste. He rebelled his whole life. He was hard and cold, repressing the rage until he found me. Because of me, he found he could let go and live again. He found out that love is the only thing that matters."
"I feel it now. I want my children to be happy and I want grandchildren. I want to do for them what I couldn't do for myself and my sons. I want them to do what they want and to excel if they do it. All that I feel is so heavy," Laslo said.
Blue nodded. "It was for me, too. I hated Decepticons. I forgot that they were Cybertronian like me. I hated Seekers. Just seeing them fly enraged me. Then it became a weight I didn't want to carry anymore. I made a decision. I made it and kept it. I decided it was easier to cut the chains that bound me to them with forgiveness than to keep them through hatred and fury."
Laslo considered that. "How do you do that, Blue? How do you forgive like that? How do you forgive yourself because I was part of the reason war happened, me and my entitlement."
"Maybe, but that was then. How are you living now? With joy and consideration of others?"
Laslo nodded. "Yes. Every day. It makes me feel so happy to be of service to others."
"That's how I feel in the army. I hate war but I serve our people. If you really want to be free, you have to forgive yourself. I can show you how. I learned it the hard way myself but Prowl really helped me, Prowl and Ratchet."
Laslo nodded. "I would be so grateful."
Bluestreak thought a moment and grinned. "It isn't that much but if you mean it, it will save you. It will cut the past loose and you can live in the here and now. All you have to do is forgive. That means everyone including yourself. If you don't, you carry everyone of them every orn. For a long time, whenever I smelled burning things I was back in Praxus. I could hear a Seeker fly and it set me on edge. But then, I decided I didn't want to feel that way anymore. It didn't feel good. It made me tired and uneasy. So … I decided to try what Rung and Prowl suggested. I decided that it was easier to live trying to forgive and be forgiven, than to live hating and brooding. Just think about things and when you do, forgive yourself. Forgive and mean it and that includes others that hurt you. It might take a while but it works."
Laslo considered that. "It's that simple?"
Blue chuckled. "It doesn't feel like it at first but eventually, if you mean it and say it enough, it is. You will come to a moment when the thoughts that plagued you don't come first before everything else, when you can wake up and feel good, rather than uneasy. If your family is in the Matrix, and they are because we all go there, everyone of us, they will be happy if you can do this and mean it. I feel that mine do."
Laslo sat back. "Mine have to be there. We never got a chance to find out. I wish I knew. Maybe some orn I will but for now, they're the ghosts trailing me around."
"Forgive them. They didn't know better," Blue said.
"I think they did. They just felt justified, entitled and indifferent," Laslo said sadly.
"Then forgive them and mean it. Think good thoughts for them wherever they are. Don't always live in the past. It's gone and you can't change it anywhere but in your spark. Forgiveness is divine the humans say. I know the Pantheon and Primus would be happy to see you rise up. The One would. Prowl said Primus purposefully forgave Neo there. If He can forgive her, what did you ever do that can touch her life before here? How about joining Them in Their forgiveness?"
Laslo grinned slightly. "I can do that." It was pleasant between them a moment. "I'm so happy for my boys. Lancer is such a good femme. We never had a femme in my family that I know of. She's so good for Partition. He wants to be a better mech for her. Morius and Inweld are incredibly happy. They like being with the other Watchmen. They like fitting in with them and doing their kind of work. I don't think that they will ever go willingly back to an office again."
Blue grinned. "What do you feel about that now as well as then when it was different?"
Laslo paused his cup. "I had no idea you could do something outside of what your path was. We were to follow our families and do what they wanted. It never occurred to me that you could do differently. I … I would have been embarrassed and there would have been terrible pressure on them to change then. Now? I tell everyone. My sons, the Watchmen, the medics. Did you know Inweld has his medic certification as a Watchman and Morius is nearly there? They're on the backup beta team until a position opens up at a station like Partition's did. My family helps others. It makes me terribly happy." He grinned. "It wouldn't delight my family or Lucien but they would just have to deal with it."
Blue laughed. "You're already halfway there."
"I hope so," Laslo said with a softly vented sigh. "I can't wait for grandchildren."
They chatted together as the afternoon rolled onward. Out in the battle zone, both of them had family. It would be a hard wait for them to come home but they would. Eventually.
-0-Out there
They shot it out taking hits and delivering them. Four Wreckers were hauled out with wounds that needed tending, though they swore up and down they could continue. Springer watched them go with a frown. Then he reached into his subspace and brought out a concussion grenade. "Stand back. Fire in the slagging hole," he said as he activated, then rolled the device down the corridor and into the door where the last of the 'Cons were hiding. Moving back swiftly, the blast went off, the entire ceiling of the entire corridor collapsed and everyone was trapped.
Decepticon.
Autobot.
Laying pinned under an aft load of metal, Springer shook his helm. "Frag," he said.
-0-Ratchet
They were getting less injured, mostly those who took a few rounds on the grief trail to surrender. Ratchet patched them up, kabonged a few on the noggin for their rude ways, then sent them onward to the prison ship or by bridge to the prison itself. He heard the call from Springer for back up and an arc welder, then ran for the door. It was short jump to the ship which was beginning to swarm with soldiers. He crept in and followed them to the debacle. Fourteen Decepticons were pinned under steel in a room nearby and a good ten Autobots were scattered around the corridor, their helms poking out here and there from the collapsed ceiling.
Ratchet grinned. "Well, my stars and bars as the Yanks say. Looky at you."
Springer who was sitting on his aft with a lap full of girders smirked at Ratchet. "Get me out of here, Ma. I have riff to raff."
Ratchet transformed a digit, then bent to the task. "This is going to take a few orns because my little cutter isn't up to this thick a girder, infant. I'll hold your servo, though. Just don't tell your old pa. He frowns about such liberties."
Springer grinned around the pressure on his legs. "He always was a loudmouth."
"Orion came by it naturally," Ratchet said as he sat down beside Springer. Down the hallway the sparks of welders could be seen flying up like fireflies. Girders were moved, mechs pulled out and as they were Ratchet hit them with sensors. Mild stuff, the equivalent to bruises in humans but little else. They were lucky. "How long are we going to be here?"
"This is the end. The end, my friend," Springer said channeling a band he liked called, of all things, The Doors.
"We have a bonding one of these orns. Your sister, Lancer and what's his name," Ratchet said with a smirk as girders began to be lifted and cut around Springer. "You'll read him the riot act like a good brother?"
"I thought Lancer was from Praxus," Springer said as the load on his lap began to be lifted off.
"She is. But consider the request Stanix-oriented. I'm sure someone among us has Stanix relations," Ratchet said with a dazzling smile. "I don't. Do you?"
Springer thought a moment, then shook his helm. "We were from civilization, Polyhex."
"I'll be sure to tell Buzzie," Ratchet said.
"When's he due?" Springer asked as he stood slowly, shaking himself a bit.
Ratchet froze. Then he frowned. "Yesterday. Ratchet to Lazarust"
:Lazarust here, Ratchet. Where are you?: a voice said in Ratchet's audial.
"Here in the fun. Did Buzzie and Cliffjumper have their infant?" Ratchet asked.
:Yes. They did. A little femme:
"A FEMME!? I THOUGHT THEY WERE HAVING A MECH!" Ratchet said as everyone in the room paused to look at him.
:SURPRISE! It happens. It was an easy modification of the protoform. When you coming back?: Lazarust asked.
"Any second now. Ratchet out." He was a seething pile of frustration as he stood in the hallway. Everyone looked at him with fear and loathing.
"What did they say, though I can guess that Buzzie and Cliffjumper had a sparkling," Springer said with a grin.
"THAT SLAGGER HAD A FEMME WITHOUT ME THERE! WHAT THE FRAG IS WRONG WITH THIS MECH'S ARMY!?" Ratchet bellowed to no one in particular.
"Fragged if I know," Springer said before he lifted Ratchet off his peds in a bear hug as the entire group in the hallway erupted in cheers. The Decepticons wouldn't give an opinion. They were still buried up to their necks in steel.
-0-On Mars in an apartment after all the slaggers went home
They sat side-by-side in their apartment looking at the infant femme lying in Buzzie's arms. Cliff sat beside him staring at his daughter.
DAUGHTER!
He looked at Buzzie, then the baby. "You're the best thing I ever did for myself, Buzzie. Now look at us."
Buzzie nodded as he glanced from Cliffjumper to the baby. "You know my spark, Cliffie. Just so you know."
"I do," Cliffjumper said. He grinned. "What a great name for her. We sorta had to improvise."
"We can keep Ferrus for the next one. I know your father would be proud to have a grandchild with his name."
Cliff nodded. "He would love this kid. I do. How fast was that?"
Buzzie nodded. "Pretty fast. Thank you for agreeing to have my grand amma's name for her."
"It's a great name, Buzzie." He looked at the big mech. "It's an awesome name. Awesome like you."
Buzzie smiled, then nodded. "You know my spark, Cliffie."
They would sit for a long time staring at the sweet little baby girl with Buzzie's face and Cliffjumper's paint scheme and silver horns. Her name meant flower in NeoCybex.
Agnus of Mars.
The newest Autobot of them all.
-0-TBC 5-21-18 edited 6-2-18