Chapter 3

Fezzik stood before the hushed crowd and cleared his throat. His throat didn't really need clearing, but he did so to give himself a little more time before starting. A mountain of a man with a prodigious appetite to match, only those who knew him well actually knew that inside he was rather shy. During his fighting and strength exhibitions he donned the mantle of an actor playing the part of a great warrior, but his true personality was quite gentle. That is why this performance was so important to him now. He began:

"There was a girl named Nan Tuckett,"

The crowd stirred. Fezzik had chosen quite a controversial start to his performance.

"Who for dinner served chicken in a bucket;"

Nervous ladies in the audience started to fan themselves as the possible rhyming scheme unfolded.

"Said her husband to his spouse

You've stunk up the whole house"

The people were on the edge of their seats now, and more than a few brows were wiped in worry.

"Next time before cooking you should just…pluck it!"

Everyone jumped to their feet with a cheer as pandemonium reigned in the Community Hall of Nrrr. After a few minutes the shouts of astonishment and congratulations had died down to the point where the mayor was able to make a statement. "Citizens of Nrrr, it is with great satisfaction that I present to you our newest member, Fezzik Petra." Mayor Conrad turned toward the audience which was packed standing room only in the village's main meeting room; some even stood outside the doorway to listen as the mayor continued.

"I notice some people out there that are new to our village. For their sake let me describe our honoree tonight. Fezzik came to us two years ago, without a coin in his pocket but with a willingness to work and a heart as big as his...appetite!" Many in the crowd laughed, including Fezzik. "This mountain of a man soon endeared himself to our village with gentle humor, great strength and as it turned out - a gift of rhyme. We may not have the only poet-blacksmith in all the world; certainly we have the best! It is with great satisfaction that tonight I bestow Fezzik with his ceremonial cap of citizenship. Before I do, I ask everyone here tonight to put on their own."

Many in the audience reached into pockets or handbags for their own headwear which they quickly donned. Although all were knitted caps, no two hats were the same, as they all displayed various colors and depictions of objects; the chairman himself had a white chicken woven into his. "Our newest arrivals to our village may well wonder what these caps represent. When a person wants to live in our village, they go through a two year probationary period where we see if they will fit in our community. At the end of that time if they still want to live among us, and have shown themselves to be of good character, we welcome them as full citizens and mark the occasion with a little party and the presentation of their personal cap. This cap signifies an achievement, accomplishment or noteworthy event associated with that person. I was fortunate to have bred some outstanding chickens that made their way to the table of our King of Haypenne. Hence, the chicken design on my cap. Our treasurer Mark drank a double pint of ale while standing on his head so he gets two upside-down beer mugs on his. I don't want to make my speech too long…"

Several people in the audience shouted versions of "Too late!"

"…but as mayor it is my job to use any opportunity to talk about our village. As a tradition of our village, it is considered good manners for those who don't know to ask the recipient the story behind the cap at a later time; this not only gives the storyteller a chance to exaggerate" he said as he exaggerated a winking motion "but also encourages our citizens to grow closer together." The mayor turned back to the big man. "Fezzik, if you would be so kind and bend down please?"

Fezzik bowed his head low so that the mayor could place the huge cap on his head. He stood back up and faced the crowd. On his head was a multicolored cap marked with lines of squiggles, loops and odd combinations of letters. The top line was readable and said "Welcome to our peaceful village of Nrrr." The crowd cheered again and Fezzik stepped off the small stage and made his way through the crowd and out the back of the hall. In the nighttime air he walked over to a large stone bench under a window outside the hall, sat down and removed the cap. As his eyes took in the design on the cap, a woman walked over and sat beside him while putting an arm around his waist. Although a head and a half shorter than Fezzik, it was a good thing the bench was made of stone for if he was described as a mountain of a man (and he was), she certainly qualified as an exceptionally tall hill. At least a hill wearing her own cap, adorned with the image of a sheep. They both fingered the material of Fezzik's cap and didn't notice the man standing a few feet away in the shadows.

"You know Fezzik, with all the power of his mind Vizzini never had and could never have such an achievement. Well done my eloquent friend..." he said drawing out the last word.

Fezzik jumped up with surprising speed. "Our old boss…no longer has days to spend."

Inigo stepped into the light. "We've gone on to make our own life..."

Fezzik closed the gap between them. "Now you've come to meet my wife!" Fezzik grabbed Inigo in a great hug that, while breaking no bones, did cause the Spaniard to temporarily lose his breath, blood circulation and the use of his left arm for a full minute.

"Fezzik, I think you are stronger now than when I saw you last" Inigo wheezed as his body hurried to renew its relationship with the oxygen his friend had so recently squeezed out. "And your reflexes are much quicker, at least based on how fast you jumped off that bench."

"After my fight with Westley, I figured it was time to actually start exercising. I lost a little weight, got stronger, and I can move a lot better."

"I'll say he can move better" said the woman as she walked up beside Fezzik, "he can almost get away from me when I ask him to do chores now." She pinched Fezzik on the arm. "You have to be Inigo!" Before he had a chance to back away, she had him in a crushing hug as well. Inigo thought briefly that he might die before Humperdinck had a chance to kill him, but the hug was released before he completely lost consciousness. "I'm Greta" she said, looking down at him from her height advantage. "Fezzik has told me so much about you."

Obviously not how fragile I am, thought Inigo. As way of polite introduction he asked about the cap on her head. "Oh this thing" she said, "My family had an injured sheep out in the field and I carried it into town to be looked at by the animal doctor. It made quite an impression on a few people, and well…" she blushed "…the story got passed around until I became 'Greta the Sheep Carrier'. You would think I'd be known for my great sewing skills, but the citizens liked the sheep story better when it came cap time. The trip into town was the first time Fezzik saw me too."

"Was he impressed?" asked Inigo.

"Yes" said Fezzik, "but I didn't let her know that right away. I asked her 'You are only carrying one full-grown sheep?' when I saw her. It wasn't until we started dating that I let her know that the sheep carry was only one of the things about her that impressed me. "

"And what is the story behind your cap Fezzik? I can read some of the writing on it, but the other stuff makes no sense to me."

Fezzik explained. On the edge of town was a large rounded rock on the side of a hill. Early in the town's history someone had written "Welcome to our peaceful village of Nrrr." Over time visitors had written the same message below in the native tongues of their lands. It became well known as the Welcome Rock of Nrrr. One day years ago, a local girl named Rosetta was hanging around the rock when, due to recent rains, it became loose and rolled off the hill to land on the road. Citizens rushed to the rock but could not find the girl; the only trace was her shawl beside the rock. Fearing she was crushed beneath, their fears were only reinforced when she wasn't seen again by her family or anyone in the village and no one could move the stone to check underneath. In memory of the event, the rock was renamed the 'Rosetta Memorial Stone' (later shortened to 'Rosetta Stone') and due to its large size remained on the side of the roadway were it had rolled. After Fezzik had moved to the village, he had come to know Rosetta's family; feeling as though they needed closure, with great strength (and a handy tree trunk) he shifted the rock off the spot revealing absolutely nothing underneath. The tragedy turned into a mystery that was only solved a year later when a traveling minstrel was on his way to Rexicoricophalvitorius from Nrrr and found that Rosetta had in fact run off to elope to the village of Frrr and used the incident as a cover. Regardless, Fezzik's moving of the rock cemented his reputation as a strong man and became his best known story. As such the cap symbolized the Rosetta Stone that he had moved.

"So Inigo, enough of our dull lives and talk of things to put on your head. What have you been doing lately? The last letter I got from you said you were going to retire soon. "

"I did retire my friend, after training my replacement. That was probably the best part of being the Dread Pirate Roberts; now she captains the Revenge. But things have happened since then and that is why I am here."

"SHE?" asked Fezzik. "Pull up that stump and tell me about it." Inigo didn't pull up the stump, but sat upon it and launched into his story about the last year of his life. After a while, as he wound down from his tale he noticed the sky starting to brighten off in the distance. "Look, I've talked all through the night and the sun will be up shortly" he said as he pointed off toward the dull glow.

"The sun doesn't come up in that direction" said Fezzik with alarm, "it's a fire!" All three hurried down the street to join the gathering crowd of village people at the edge of town. Fezzik's blacksmith shop was aflame from top to bottom, with little to do but to watch it burn and make sure the embers didn't catch anything else on fire. A neighbor handed Fezzik a note that was left on a tree nearby:

I've come to exact revenge,
On the life you do forge;
Your life's end now depend,
A finish you simply cannot dodge.

-HUMPERDINCK

"Bad poetry" said Inigo.

"Not very sportsmanlike" said Fezzik.

"Fezzik, I'm going to put a stop to this before someone gets dead or worse" said Inigo. "Care to join me?"

"Count me in, if it's okay with you Greta" said Fezzik, turning to his wife.

"Count US in. Anything I can do to help?" asked Greta with a playful glint in her eye.

Inigo thought for a few minutes as they all watched the fire. "Just how good are you and your friends at sewing?" He finally asked.

"We can sew like the wind" said Greta with a bit of pride.

"That is more appropriate than you know" said Inigo. "I know a pirate with a ship..."

"I really don't believe that Humperdinck would go around burning things down" said the grandfather. "He's not the type. He might tell someone else to do it, but I don't think he'd dirty his hands with that kind of job."

"You'll find out tomorrow. Same time?"

"You bet kid. Bring some more of those cookies if you can. I don't think you could sneak in a cake otherwise I'd ask. See you tomorrow."