*There will be no mentions of smoking weed in this chapter. However, Natsu is still tipsy/high, so keep that in mind while reading.
*Chapter Thirty-Four: Elevated
(December 25th, 2017, Monday Night)
Lucy didn't stop walking, unsure where she was heading. Her heart pounded, her head throbbing as unwanted memories swarmed her mind. She knew she had to leave, to get away from people. She wanted to be alone.
She wanted everything to be silent.
'Fresh air,' she thought, hoping that would be enough to clear her head. She could see his face as she moved, his mouth turning into a salacious smile as he fed her drink after drink after drink, with no end in sight.
Before Lucy could make it to the stairs at the end of the hall, she stopped seconds before hitting the large window overseeing the road in front of the school. She pressed her forehead against the glass, welcoming the coolness seeping through.
Lucy took a shaky breath, letting that chilly feeling consume her. However, it wasn't enough. The cold was something she could handle, and it didn't haunt her, but it just wasn't enough to keep the bad memories at bay.
"A bathroom? Oh, the one down here is broken. You can use the one in my room," he had said, his voice cutting through her like a knife.
Lucy squeezed her eyes shut, but that only made the fuzzy memory sharp.
"I nee' ta find my ma'. I 'on't feel so good."
Lucy had stumbled down the hall of the hotel, only staying up because two greedy hands kept her afloat. They led her to where he wanted to go. There was no one to stop him, no one noticing her absence. After all, her father had told her to leave when she first arrived.
She hadn't stood a chance, barely able to stay conscious, let alone make any rational decisions.
Lucy slowly opened her eyes, breathing deeply as sweat clung to her skin. She didn't know when that started, but it made her skin feel wrong, just like that night.
He had violated her trust and body, and she hadn't been able to do a thing to stop it.
'He had no right.'
Rage burned through her body as she thought of that disgusting lunatic. She reacted faster than her brain could process, smacking the glass as hard as she could muster. It didn't do anything to the glass, but her hand hurt, her palm stinging from the impact. She ignored the pain, taking a ragged breath as she seethed at the man in her head.
She thought he could be trusted. Not only was he a respected member of her father's company, he had been a family friend for years.
He had no right to take advantage of her. He had no business even giving her drinks, but...
Lucy wrapped her arms around herself as her anger drained from her body, leaving behind a fragile shell. She lightly tapped her forehead against the glass as the first of many tears fell.
'He wasn't the only one to blame though...'
She had eagerly taken each drink, wanting validation, wanting attention. He had provided it all and then some, making her feel worthy again. She was in a bad place, her heart a mess after breaking up with her fiance. Throw in the fact that her father told her she wasn't welcome at the party... It was a recipe for trouble. She just wanted to feel better about herself, but things only got worse after that night.
'I shouldn't have been drinking... I should have just left and gone home, then it wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have... have...'
Lucy's chest tightened as the foggy memories of what happened after he got her into his room came into focus. No matter how drunk she had been, it wasn't okay. He had no right to have sex with her. She wasn't in her right mind, more drunk than she had ever been in her entire life and unable to get a coherent sentence out. There was no way she gave her consent, meaning...
'He raped me. Why? Why couldn't he just keep his hands to himself? Why me?'
Lucy's knees felt weak, ready to buckle under her weight at any second. She didn't know what to do, how to get rid of the thoughts that plagued her. 'Why?' she found herself asking again and again, wondering why any of it had to happen in the first place. She had thought she was safe so many times, only to find out she was never safe to begin with.
'Am I even safe here?' she thought, shoulders shaking as she suppressed a sob, hating herself for crying once more. 'Why am I so weak? Why can't I just get past it all? Why—'
"Lucy?"
She winced despite not being struck, her body going rigid. She didn't need to look to know who it was, recognizing his voice. 'Of course Natsu came looking for me. I was rude to his friends back there.'
However, Lucy couldn't beat herself up about it. Her energy was spent thinking about other mistakes she had made, wishing she hadn't been so trusting back then.
"Hey," he whispered, hand reaching out before he stopped himself. He wouldn't touch her, worried that might make her bolt. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said automatically, already knowing he wouldn't believe that.
She was right. He wouldn't be fooled into thinking everything was okay. Lucy was crying, and he couldn't figure out why. Natsu doubted losing the game had caused her tears. Even he could tell despite his mind trying to relax and let go.
Natsu felt like he was coming down, but he had felt that many times throughout the night, and he had been wrong every time. It was a strange feeling, the marijuana altering his mind.
Was that why his birth parents chose drugs and alcohol over their sons? Was the high worth it?
He liked the feeling, the drug creating a false sense of happiness. Or maybe it allowed him to let go of the pain, the things that made him feel bad?
'Maybe it was just too much for them? Maybe they couldn't handle the stress and wanted to feel free?'
He was somewhat in control of his mind and body, but his reaction time was shit. At least the alcohol was wearing off, Natsu only feeling a little buzzed when he started getting a clear head. It wouldn't last, the high coming in waves, sweeping him away whenever it regained control.
Lucy shook her head before turning, resting against the window with her head down. She was tired of backtracking, tired of Natsu seeing her cry. Still, him being there brought her a small comfort. He had been with her through some bad times, but she wished there were more good to even them out.
She didn't want to be the gloomy girl he always came to save.
"I'm tired," she whispered, voice strained. "I don't... want t-to talk about it." Lucy closed her eyes for a few seconds before opening them again, her brows narrowing in frustration. "I don't even w... want to think about it, but—"
Natsu frowned when her voice cracked, his chest tightening. Once again, he was in a position where he couldn't help her, but listening to her couldn't hurt. It was better than letting her keep it all bottled in. "But what?"
"But... I can't... I can't stop it."
Natsu's eyes softened before he took a step closer, relieved when she didn't flinch away. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
He didn't expect much, so he wasn't disappointed when she shook her head, whispering, "I don't think so... Unless you can make me stop thinking."
Natsu blinked, unsure if she spoke smoothly or if he wasn't processing all her pauses like normal. Either way, Natsu focused on her words, wishing he could help. "I'd say you can try getting high."
He shrugged, still wearing a frown. "It worked for me." He couldn't bring himself to worry about their day-to-day lives, the hardships they endured or the people that got left behind. Hell, he didn't even care that his parents abandoned him at just five years old.
In that moment, Natsu's body felt free, but even that wasn't enough to make him not care about Lucy's pain. "But I don't think that'll help for long."
Lucy let go of herself before pressing her palms to her eyes, trying to dull the throb taking over her head. She didn't want to feel sorry for herself. She was having fun earlier, but a few bad memories ruined her night. "I don't want to go back," Lucy whispered, feeling her energy drained out of her. "I've... I've had enough for one night."
Natsu blinked, sure he hadn't misheard her. She wasn't stumbling over her words as much. Be it exhaustion or frustration, Lucy had pushed past her tears to speak better. If she wasn't so distraught, he would have complimented her, but he worried it would make her overanalyze herself. From what he could tell, she had enough on her plate.
"That's okay," Natsu said, taking a deep inhale. Breathing in more air helped clear his mind, letting him think rationally. "Mind if I stay here with you?" She dropped her hands, prompting him to cock his head, trying to meet her gaze. "Keep you company?"
"Don't you want to hang out... with your friends?"
Natsu couldn't help but smile, tucking a few fingers on each hand into his front pockets. "I am." When a look of confusion washed over her face, he added, "You're my friend."
Lucy turned her head, her voice lacking emotion. "I'm not a good friend." Her fresh tears clung to her cheeks, her eyes now red but not as watery as before. He hoped that was a good sign, Natsu's optimism shining through.
"Let me be the judge of that. I think you're good." He was smiling, but he softened his voice, knowing he had to have some semblance of seriousness, even if his mind wanted him to laugh off whatever was going on in his body. "You're a good person."
Lucy swallowed past the lump forming in her throat, her lower lip trembling as new tears formed.
"Lucy?"
She shook her head, wanting so badly for his words to be true. "I-I've... I've done bad things."
Natsu frowned, wondering why she was beating herself up. "We've all done bad things," he said, knowing it was next to impossible to be pure good. Lucy didn't respond, merely squeezing her eyes shut in a desperate attempt to rid herself of tears, but it didn't work. She opened her eyes, taking in a shaky breath.
Natsu allowed his body to do what felt right, slowly lifting his hand so she could see it. When she didn't move away, he cupped her chin and cheek, gently tilting her head so she was looking at him. She didn't fight him, her eyes almost pleading for him to take the pain away, but he didn't know how. He could only reassure her and hope it worked, otherwise he had nothing.
"Whatever you did," he started, feeling her gulp as she clung to every word. "I'm sure you had a good reason."
Lucy's jaw clenched, her eyes shutting as she hugged herself again. A sniffle escaped her, her voice cracking as she whispered, "I ho-pe so."
Natsu felt the wetness on his palm, but he ignored it, focusing on Lucy's breathing. He tried to breath deeper, hoping she would copy him. He didn't know if she meant to or not, but her breathing calmed down after a minute of him stroking his thumb against her cheek, a sad smile surfacing on his face.
"Do..." Natsu stopped himself, unsure if he was crossing a line. He decided to ask anyway, ready to retreat if needed. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
Instead of shaking her head, Lucy whispered, "No," afraid any movement would make him leave. She didn't understand herself, so she knew Natsu wouldn't either. She hated being touched, but sometimes she craved the physical contact, needing something to ground her. Natsu's hand was heavy, warm, and rough. She knew it was nothing more than platonic affection as he brushed his thumb against her skin, but it meant a lot to her.
If Lucy was forced to label what was happening, she would say she felt accepted despite her flaws. Natsu was staring right at her, telling her she wasn't a bad person. Everyone made mistakes, but that didn't have to define who she was. He was willing to accept her as his friend despite her messy past, and that meant more to her than she could express.
Natsu would have let the moment go on longer, but he was hit with another wave, his eyes widening before he pulled away. He took a deep breath, his head light while his body felt heavy. "I'm just gonna sit down real quick." He pressed his back against the wall, using it as a guide to help him to the ground. "Don't mind me."
Lucy peered down at him, managing a small smile through the tears. She brushed them away, hoping more wouldn't take their place. Her heart felt mangled, and part of her felt hopeless, but somehow Natsu was doing a perfect job at taking her mind off her troubles, if only for a moment.
Lucy pressed her lips into a tight line, wondering if she should say what popped into her head. She took a long breath to ease her nerves, once again happy she had him as a friend. "You're funny... when you're high."
Natsu looked up, trying to see her emotions on her face. When he didn't see anything that alarmed him, he offered her a crooked grin. "Oh yeah? That mean I'm not funny when I'm sober?"
Lucy shook her head, her voice soft but firm. "I didn't... say that. Just, you're funny, like this too."
'Too,' he thought, happy she thought he was funny. He rested his head against the wall, feeling it trying to spin. "This feels really weird, like, so different from just drinking, but like in a good way... Is that how you describe it?"
Lucy smothered a laugh, wishing she could peek into his head and see what he was thinking. "How should I know?" she whispered, swallowing hard to keep her emotions in check.
"Don't do that," Natsu said, a frown marring his face.
Lucy raised a brow, wondering what she did wrong. "What?"
"Don't hide your laugh... It's nice." He gave her a soft smile, eyes barely open as he looked at her. "You should laugh more."
Lucy's eyes widened while he closed his, surprised by his words. 'He's out of his mind right now,' she thought, dismissing any hidden meaning her brain tried to find. 'He's just drunk and high, nothing else. He wouldn't be saying those things if he was sober.'
"Fuck, I wish I could get tacos," Natsu started, whining as he pressed a hand to his stomach. "Or burritos, or some nachos. Or fuck, some Oreos would really hit the spot right now. Are you hungry?"
Lucy sighed, thankful his train of thought took him elsewhere, away from her. "Yeah, but it's okay." She hadn't exactly felt full in months, but being at Fairy Tail meant she didn't have to worry about getting her next meal. So long as she did her job and the runners kept bringing back supplies, she would be fed.
Natsu nodded, fingers curling against his shirt, playing with the material. He poked a finger through one of the holes, circling the jagged edges. "Yeah. Everything's okay." Natsu smiled, letting his high take over.
He hadn't been that relaxed since before the outbreak started, hadn't been that zoned out. He didn't worry about zombies or survival, just wanting to feel the good things. "Do you think I'll get a hangover? From high?"
Lucy hummed, wondering that herself. "I'm not sure." She was about to stretch her legs, but decided to sit next to Natsu instead, letting her body relax. She hoped Natsu wouldn't make a big deal out of it, and he didn't. Instead, he did one better.
Once she made it to the ground, Natsu looked at her. His face turned serious for a moment, making her wonder if she did something wrong, but before she could ask, his grin broke out, his head tilted until it rested on the wall again. "Hey. What's up?"
Lucy felt her shoulders shake as she suppressed a laugh, finding him ridiculous. Despite having wet tears clinging to her cheeks, she decided to let it out, hoping he wouldn't remember tomorrow. She chuckled, surprised by how light it made her feel. Not only that, the sound made Natsu's eyes brighten, something she wasn't expecting.
He turned his body towards her, squinting his eyes for a moment before whispering, "Are you happy?"
Lucy blinked, her chuckle dying instantly. "Huh?" She paled when Natsu sat up, trying but failing to have good posture as he repeated himself, his voice and face showing he was serious. "Are you happy, that I brought you here?"
Lucy's mind was blank for a few seconds before she mustered a small smile. She didn't have to think about it, knowing Fairy Tail was far better than the place she had been, or would be if she was still on her own. "Yeah," she whispered, feeling it in her heart. "I'm happy I'm here."
Fairy Tail hadn't taken away her pain, but it did give her safety, something she desperately needed.
"Aweshome," Natsu slurred, his grin wider than the moment called for. "'Cause it's a bad place out there. Wanna keep you safe, Lush." He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out where he went wrong. He flashed his teeth when he realized it, correcting himself. "Lucy."
Lucy raised a brow, causing Natsu to snort. "My bad." His head rolled onto his shoulder, feeling heavy but his body felt light. Being high was a strange experience. Just when he thought he got used to things, they changed again. "I think I wanna sleep, but I'm not too tired. I don't thinks."
"I'm pretty tired," Lucy admitted, pulling her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She sighed, her eyes stinging from crying earlier, but it wasn't the worst pain she felt that night. She could handle physical pain a lot more than emotional.
Natsu hummed to no song playing, letting his mind jump around. He thought about asking if Lucy could do a cartwheel, then wondered where they put Happy last before finally looking at his roommate, giving her a smile. "Luuuushi," he whispered, not once thinking he might be coming off as annoying. He was having fun, already forgetting the tension that rested over them not too long ago. "Hey."
"What?" she asked, somewhat amused by his behavior. He was easier to read when he was high, his emotions getting the better of him. It was the reason she didn't get mad when he asked his next question, knowing he was merely curious.
"So, you wanna tell me anything about this fiancé of yours?"
Lucy shook her head, but she didn't tell him no. She closed her eyes, picturing his face in her head. She did wonder if he was still alive, what he might be doing if he was among the living. The last she heard, he was still at his university in Hargeon, excelling in his ROTC class to become an officer in the Navy. It was a career he had been groomed for since birth, a way to follow in his father's footsteps.
She hadn't kept up with him after they broke up, deciding it was easier to let him go. Lucy had every intention on reconnecting with him later in life, finding out how he had been, but then things started going bad for her, and then the outbreak happened soon after. There was no room to worry about him, her own life taking priority.
"It feels like a lifetime ago," she whispered, slowly turning her head to look at Natsu. He was staring back, though his eyes were unfocused, leading her to believe he wasn't paying close attention. She spoke anyway, deciding it was his loss if he missed out. "We... we weren't meant to be."
Natsu found himself frowning. He would have patted her on the back, but his hands were currently busy wrapping around his ankles, his mind telling him they needed to be touched for some reason. "I'm sorry. That... probably hurt."
Lucy's cheek twitched as she fought a smile, oddly happy they ended. Now that the dust had settled, she saw they weren't good for each other. Sure, they got along and had fun, but if their parents hadn't pushed for them to rush a commitment to each other, they wouldn't have thought of marriage.
Looking back, Lucy didn't think they would have made it to a wedding, and if they had, the marriage wouldn't have lasted. They were too different and wanted different things in life. It was like she said. They weren't meant to be.
"It's fine, really. I'm... I'm fine."
Natsu didn't know if she was putting on a brave face. He had seen heartbreak nearly destroy his dad, knew it could be crushing.
"Was he a good guy?" Natsu asked, wondering how much she liked him. Why he asked, he had no clue, his curiosity feeding him the questions. "Like good to you, kinda good?"
Lucy bit her bottom lip before shrugging. "Most of the time," she said, deciding that was as close to the truth as she could be. "I wasn't always good to him either though."
"Like what?" Natsu asked, finding that hard to believe. Lucy was a nice person. He couldn't see her being bad to someone if they didn't deserve it.
Lucy huffed through her nose, eyes flitting to the floor in front of them. The moonlight covered the hallway, but it couldn't reach the end, that part being as black as tar.
Lucy blinked, breaking herself away from her thoughts for a moment before allowing herself to think of him. "I may have started a few fights, that I shouldn't have..."
It was hard dating someone in another city, and he hadn't made it easy on her either. Their daily phone calls had dwindled down to once a week if that, and sometimes he took hours to respond to her messages. He always said it was because of school, but that didn't stop her from complaining about the lack of attention.
"I..." Lucy cracked a small smile, finding it strange in a good way to make fun of herself. "I could be a spoiled brat." She paused, debating if she should reveal more about herself. Deciding it couldn't hurt, she whispered, "When I didn't get my way, I usually distracted myself."
She wasn't going to wait for him to ask, but Natsu did anyway. "How?"
Resisting a sigh, Lucy mumbled, "Partying, mostly. I was usually good, except one time when I..." She flushed, still embarrassed to that day. "I got arrested for public intoxication."
Natsu looked at her, gaping like a fish. "You what?!"
She couldn't meet his gaze, knowing she would smile if she turned her head towards him. "Yeah. My dad made the charges go away, smooth talking and what not. I had some wild nights, if you can believe it."
"I can't see you doing any of that," Natsu said honestly, chuckling at the idea. "But I believe ya."
"You should. I was pretty bad."
Natsu didn't comment, instead letting her finish. "I think he was a good guy. We... We all make mistakes."
"Damn straight," Natsu mumbled, nodding harder than he intended. He cocked his head, blinking a few times to stop himself from getting dizzy. "Were you scared?"
"Of what?" she asked, surprised by his answer.
"Marriage."
"Oh, umm... No. Not really." She furrowed her brows, finding that odd. 'What a weird question.' She had been raised knowing marriage had to be part of her future, so that didn't scare her. The way her father always went on about her finding a proper suitor who was financially stable and safe made it sound more like a business arrangement instead of a romantic gesture.
Of course, Lucy loved her romance books where the two were happily in love, riding off into the sunset, but she was also realistic. She didn't expect white horses and a dozen roses for every occasion. She just wanted a companion who respected her and got along with her. For a while, that had been him, but people change, ideas change.
'I hope I can change,' she thought, proud of herself for getting that far in a conversation. It helped that Natsu was high as hell, likely to forget everything they spoke about. At least, that was what she thought. Everyone was different, some forgetting what happened when they were high, others remembering pretty clearly.
"I've never thought about gettin' married," Natsu confessed, his eyes hooded as he stared at the ceiling. His hands had returned to his lap, merely fiddling with each other while he spoke. "I guess that's normal for a guy, but not all guys..."
He thought of Jellal, remembering how excited and nervous his friend had been when he told Natsu he was planning on asking Erza to marry him. Jellal had been so sure about marriage, but Natsu never had wanted that.
"I don't think that stuff's for me... Just— I... I don't think..."
'I don't think the risk of heartbreak is worth it. Better to never love at all.'
He sighed, a pressure growing in the front of his forehead as his eyes fell to the floor. "I mean, I find people attractive when I wanna look for that, but adding in all those romantic, mushy feelings just seems so messy, ya know?"
Lucy nodded, speaking more to herself than him. "It can get messy."
He smiled, happy she agreed. "You get it." Natsu closed his eyes, that pressure growing stronger, spreading over his face. "My head feels heavy," he mumbled, trying to rest it against the wall, but it was uncomfortable.
"People think I'm naive, that I'm dense or some shit," Natsu murmured, feeling his head going up and down in waves. It was exhilarating but exhausting at the same time. He enjoyed the ride earlier, but now he wanted off. He wanted to rest. "I'm not dumb. I know how sex works."
He giggled to himself, making Lucy raise a brow. She didn't expect a sound like that to come from Natsu, but she had to admit, it made her want to laugh too. "Oh yeah?"
Natsu nodded, as if proud of himself. "Yup. Got a whole porn stash too." He leaned over, not bothering to open his eyes as he whispered, "It's in that audio manager app. Secret file. No one knows."
"Except me," Lucy whispered, almost shaking her head at his silliness.
"Yeah, but I can trust ya not to tell."
She smiled a little, feeling a burst of confidence as she asked, "Any other secrets... I should know about?" She meant for it to sound teasing, but her tone was curious. Natsu didn't seem to notice either way, pressing his lips together for a moment before breathing out through his nose.
"I ran over a squirrel once." Before Lucy could say a word, Natsu continued, determined to keep her from seeing him as a bad guy. "In my defense, the thing shouldn't have been in the road, and I was driving slow, like super slow, slow. I was playing Pokémon GO slow." Natsu opened his eyes to look at her reaction, but didn't find one. "If you drove over like fifteen miles, it wouldn't let you play right. I still had 'em poppin' up, so I was going real slow."
"I believe you," Lucy said, hoping he wouldn't say 'slow' again. That word was starting to give her a headache. Or maybe it was all the crying from earlier? Or maybe she was just tired? She didn't know, but she did know that word was getting on her nerves.
Natsu nodded, relaxing before shutting his eyes once more, liking the darkness. It made his head feel lighter. "I cried for about ten minutes," he said, surprising Lucy. She didn't breathe a word, waiting for him to start again.
After a solid minute, Lucy wondered if he lost his train of thought or fell asleep. His sudden sigh let her know he was still awake, his voice small as he admitted, "I've never told anyone... that."
He didn't ask, but she offered it anyway. "I won't tell."
Nodding, Natsu smiled, his high keeping him from experiencing that same sickening feeling he had whenever he thought of the little furry creature he ran over. 'Being high is awesome.'
Lucy almost asked him if he had anything else he wanted to share, but she kept quiet. Guilt trickled into her system out of nowhere when she wished she could tell him more secrets about herself, but part of her still wanted to hold back, still fearing what might happen if she threw herself completely into their friendship.
Which was ridiculous, she knew, but it wasn't enough to make her let go of those fears.
A surge of nausea washed over her, her mind telling her she wasn't good enough to be friends with Natsu. He deserved better than her, and no matter how much she tried silencing that pesky, negative voice in the back of her head that told her she was no good, she couldn't.
'Besides, he'd be better off without me as his friend. I'm... no good.'
She had done too many bad things in her short lifetime, and Natsu had proven time and time again that he was better than her.
She would never be good enough.
Lucy swallowed as tears pricked her eyes, but she did her best to stay composed. However, the halls were too quiet and he was right next to her, her shaky breath noticed by Natsu even in his current state of mind.
He blinked a few times before looking over, frowning when he saw her watery eyes. Without thinking, Natsu reached over, fingers skimming her cheek before he turned her head to his. She refused to make eye contact, not that it surprised him, but she didn't resist his gentle moving of her head.
"Heeeey," he whispered, dragging out the word as he pouted. "What happened? I thought we were all good now?"
Despite the emotional turmoil wreaking havoc on her, Lucy couldn't help but snort. She wished it was because she was feeling okay, but it wasn't. Natsu thought they were good? She would never be good, not truly. After what she saw, did, and had done to her, Lucy was convinced she would never recover.
She could try, but there was always doubt, telling her it was useless.
She would never amount to anything.
That voice was louder now, kicking her while she was down.
If she could stab that voice in the face and have it shut up for good, she would in a heartbeat.
"I..." Lucy started, trying to put into words how she was feeling. She didn't want Natsu taking pity on her. He already did too much for her, and she didn't want to inconvenience him more.
But, she found herself opening her mouth again. A part of her, bigger than that negative voice, spoke her truth. "I don't think... I'm a good... good friend."
She saw Natsu open his mouth, but before he could speak, she whispered, "I feel like a... a burden."
Natsu's brows pinched together as he tried to keep himself in the moment, even as his mind tried distracting him. "You know you're not, right?" When she didn't answer, he frowned. "Lucy, hey..." He smoothed his thumb over her cheekbone as he tried giving her a solemn smile, but it came off as more of a grin.
He couldn't help it. Despite wanting to be serious, his high made him unbelievably happy. He almost couldn't understand why she wasn't smiling then, but he had to keep reminding himself he was the only one of them stoned out of his mind.
"You're not a burden, okay. Not even a lil bit. So just..." He clenched his teeth for a moment before taking a deep breath. "Please stop thinking you are. This world is so shitty but hanging out with you, when we're just talking and hanging out and stuff, that makes things less shitty."
Even in his condition, Natsu knew there were better ways to phrase that, but he saw a flicker in her deep brown eyes, something within her drawn towards his words.
Natsu saw her swallow before she wiped at the stray tears in her eyes. Once her hand bumped against his, he pulled back, realizing he was too close. Then again, she didn't seem to mind, and he didn't either.
He wasn't too fond of being affectionate with strangers, but Lucy didn't feel that way to him. He felt the bond growing between them. It was small, and strained, but it was still there. She was his friend, and he wouldn't let her withdraw back into her shell. She had come too far, and he didn't want to lose his friend.
"I promise, you're not a burden. Scout's honor." He tried making the sign for boy scouts, but he failed miserably, flashing off four fingers while his thumb tucked into his palm. He thought he nailed it until Lucy gave him a confused look, causing him to drop his hand.
"Okay, you got me. I'm notta scout, but I do swear. Look, you're fine. I dunno what your brain is tellin' ya, but it's wrong. You're welcomed here. Promise. You're really, truly, absolutely, my friend. And a damn good one too if you ask me."
"Okay," Lucy whispered, failing to ignore the dull throb in her chest, like her heart wanted to believe him, but she couldn't, not completely. She nodded, hoping it would put an end to the conversation. She never wanted his pity, and she didn't want him going out of his way to make her feel alright. It wasn't his job.
Lucy almost asked why he was trying so hard anyway, but his next words helped considerably.
"You're muh friend, really. I like havin' ya around. I want you around. Got it?"
Managing a small nod as her heart pounded faster, Lucy looked straight ahead, down the empty hallway that led into darkness. She wondered for a brief moment what Natsu was like in high school.
He had roamed those halls a few years back on a regular basis, only then he was a student. Lucy thought to ask how concerned he was with grades. Did he have any other friends besides the ones she already knew about? What was his favorite part of high school? She ended up keeping those questions to herself.
The only thing keeping her from asking was her own exhaustion, not fear of overstepping. She was sure Natsu would love to talk about himself, not that he was vain. He just seemed to like conversations, and honestly, that wasn't a bad thing. She just wished she was strong enough to contribute to them more.
'I... I can get stronger... If I try and stop giving up on myself... Maybe I can get better... Maybe.'
Natsu smiled when he saw Lucy had calmed down, accepting what he said. He hummed before leaning his head against the wall again, hating how bad it felt on his scalp. He lifted it for a moment, feeling that heaviness once again before setting his head on Lucy's shoulder. He did so as if it was the most natural move in the world, his eyes sliding shut as he felt that pressure in his head subsiding.
"Is this okay?" he whispered, feeling the cold material from the hoodie she wore. A few strands of her hair tickled his nose, but he didn't budge, finding Lucy's shoulder ten times better than the wall.
"Yeah," she whispered back, her heart racing, but not in a bad way. Lucy swallowed, her mouth feeling dry despite not smoking anything. She couldn't remember the last time she had a drink of water, now wishing she had a container to carry with her.
She almost smiled when she realized she could help him, even if it was in a simple way like letting him use her shoulder. She could manage that.
"Awesome. 'Cause my head's heeeeaavy."
Lucy's shoulder shook twice as she bit back a laugh. "You've said."
A moment of blissful silence passed between them. Lucy focused on Natsu's breathing, which was easier to hear now that he was closer. Natsu let his mind jump from topic to topic, feeling sated in his new position.
"You're good company," he finally said, causing Lucy to smile.
She knew part of it was Natsu being high, but she didn't care. She held onto that compliment. It made her feel good. "Thanks."
Once again, the silence consumed them. Lucy rested her head against the wall, her eyes sliding shut as she let herself rest. Natsu was with her, meaning it was safe to let her guard down. She wondered how long they would sit in that hallway, but she didn't ask, merely basking in the silence until Natsu decided to break it, his question making her smile.
"You think it's weird I haven't had a first kiss?"
She shook her head, feeling the tips of Natsu's spiky hair brush against her cheek. Her eyes flitted down, but she couldn't see his face from her angle, deciding to give up on that mission. "No, I... I think it's sweet."
Lucy didn't understand why he snorted, grumbling under his breath, "That word. I ain't sweet."
She raised a brow but didn't comment, letting him ramble about whatever he wanted. Lucy was tired, exhausted from the long day and longer night. She had to admit, there was a lot of excitement tonight, more good than bad. Overall, she was happy she joined Natsu's group for Christmas. It beat sitting in their room by herself, waiting for him to come back.
Plus, she felt she did fairly well hanging out with his friends. She didn't cry once in front of them, and that in itself made her proud of herself.
When Lucy yawned, Natsu opened his eyes, realizing it was late. He looked at his watch, groaning at the time. He didn't have to be up early in the morning for work, but he did have to wake up for breakfast.
"Let's go get Happy," he said, lifting his head from Lucy's shoulder. He was about to ask when he could have his hoodie back from her, but decided against it. She didn't have as much clothes as he did, and it kind of suited her, in a weird way.
While Lucy was able to stand without problems, Natsu was another story. He said something about his body feeling super heavy, so Lucy sucked it up and offered him a hand. He took it without delay, allowing her to help pull him up.
"You must be gettin' stronger," he said, poking at her arm through the hoodie. "You hidin' muscles in there?"
Before she could answer, Natsu looked at his own arms, flexing them how he often caught Elfman flexing his own. "I got some, but they're not as big as they used ta be." He frowned, trying to make his biceps bulge, but they were at their limit. He gave up, taking a deep breath before stumbling forward.
"You wanna know what's weird?"
Figuring it couldn't hurt, Lucy asked, "What?"
"Why do stand-up comedians always have stools?"
Lucy shook her head, not bothering to answer him as she helped him down the hall. She watched him sway as he walked, only interfering when he got close to the sides, nearly hitting a few lockers in the process. She would grab onto his arm, pulling him in the opposite direction until he was more stable. A small laugh tumbled from her when he started singing a popular song, making up words when he didn't know the next part.
She tried hushing him a few times, but he wouldn't listen, failing to carry his tune until they reached Cana and Levy's room. As long as no one woke up and complained, Lucy figured it would be okay. Just to be sure though, she rushed him to their room, worried someone would poke their head out and holler at them.
Some people were angry drunks, or became sluggish when they got high. Lucy found Natsu was easier to read when under the influenece. He didn't try hiding how he felt or hold back, at least from as far as she could tell. He was just happy. Whether he was happy from his drink or smoke, she didn't know. Either way, she liked seeing him that carefree and silly.
It was nice, and she hoped he felt good too.
When Lucy opened the door, they were met with sobs from inside. Natsu jerked his head back in surprise, then grabbed the door to widen it faster. Once his eyes focused on the classroom, he saw his group of friends gathered in a tight circle, the sound of a girl crying drowning out their conversation.
Natsu hurried inside, nearly knocking Erza over when he squeezed his way into the circle. There he found the source of the sound, Levy hunched over, one arm cradled by the other. She looked up at him, blinking back tears before sniffling. "It hurts."
"What happened?" he asked, sobering up for a moment, only to let his fear go when Gray chuckled his response.
"Nothing. She's just high as fuck."
"I know!" Levy cried, a laugh mixing with her tears. "I know it doesn't hurt, but my high brain says it does, so it does!"
"Levy, you need to keep your voice down," Erza said, pushing some hair out of Levy's face. It had matted against her cheeks, made wet by her tears.
"But it hurts, and it doesn't, but I think it does."
"Did she hit it on something?" Lucy whispered, unsure if anyone could hear her. Her heart had dropped when she found out Levy was crying, but upon seeing it was nothing more than Levy's paranoia getting the better of her, Lucy relaxed.
Levy shook her head, answering for them. "No. It just started h-hurting."
"Does this hurt?" Cana asked, poking at the arm.
Levy shook her head, frowning up at her roommate. "No. It's on the inside that hurts."
"She's fine," Jellal assured, stepping back to look over Natsu and Lucy. "Are you two back to join he next game?" He wasn't sure when they were going to start now that Levy was crying, but their plan was to begin shortly. Levy's outburst had come out of nowhere, the woman gasping at nothing before trying to protect her perfectly fine arm.
"Nah. Me and Luush are goin' to bed."
"Luush?" Cana asked, raising a brow.
Natsu showed off his huge grin as he nodded, giving Levy a pat on the head before moving away to gather their stuff. Their presents were already in his backpack from earlier, the telescope sticking out, preventing him from zipping it. They could keep his phone for music. He could always pick it up tomorrow.
The only other thing to grab was Happy, which Lucy had already taken care of. The feline was like pudding in her arms, just awoken from his nap. She returned to Natsu's side, waiting for him to give the go ahead.
"Need any help?" Gray asked, causing Natsu to shake his head.
"We got it. See you alls later. Happy Christmas!"
Some of his friends laughed while others waved, wishing both Lucy and Natsu a Merry Christmas before attending to their distressed host.
On their way back to the classroom, Lucy suggested taking Happy outside to go pee first. Natsu didn't think he hesitated, but it took him a moment before nodding. "Yeah, sounds good."
As soon as they made it outside and the cold air hit Natsu's face, he gasped, surprised by how much clarity he got from the temperature drop. "Holy shit! Fuck! That cold air makes me feel so fucking sober!"
Lucy's eyes rounded at Natsu's outburst. She let go of Happy, letting the feline run towards the grass to take care of his business. She chose to sit on the steps leading into the school while she waited, listening to Natsu's long ramble. Most of it made sense while other parts went over her head.
"God damn. It's so weird being high. It's like, I'm in control of my mind, and I'm aware of what's happening, but I can't make my body cooperate. I sound like an idiot, don't I?"
He looked at her for confirmation, receiving a shake of her head. "I don't think so."
Natsu blinked, sucking in deep breaths of air to keep himself clear. He was ready for his high to be over. It was amusing at first, but he needed to think straight. Plus, he didn't know if he could get to sleep in his condition.
Waiting on a cat was sometimes a chore. Cats liked to take their time, or more accurately, other people's time. Lucy and Natsu had to wait about ten minutes until the Happy returned, and by then Natsu was zoned out again, his words no longer as coherent.
"And then they came out with the next gen and don't get me wrong, I like Treecko and stuff, but damn is he green. Like, tone it down some. You're not a Bulbasaur. Those fuckers are green! But anyways, the friendship in that story is so good, like, really good and I just wanna have that with other people. Ya know? Like me and a Charmander, close as fire and shit."
Lucy gave him a confused glance, prompting him to ask, "You get it?"
"No," she said immediately, watching him deflate. "I don't get... a single thing you're saying."
"But... but..." Natsu pouted, holding his arms out like that would help her understand him better. "I just went on that long speech. I don't wanna brag, but I think it was pretty moving."
Lucy shook her head, not bothering to hide her laugh. "No, not at all." She gave him a small smile, finding his reaction funny. "I didn't get it. You were rambling most of it."
"I... No, that doesn't make sense." Natsu stared at his hands, trying to figure out where he went wrong, but before he could, his mind started retreating again. No matter how many times Natsu thought he was coming down before, he was always wrong. He was starting to think he would be high forever. That wouldn't help anyone out. Makarov was sure to fire him seeing as he would be unfit for duty.
Natsu frowned, remembering his dreams of fighting fires. It was nothing more than a fantasy now, his dreams cancelled due to the zombies. If the outbreak had happened after he started training, maybe he would be more fit at handling the situation? He had worked out to prepare for his dream job, which came in handy when he had to be fast or quick-thinking.
"You okay?" Lucy asked, cautiously touching his back with the lightest pressure she could use.
Natsu didn't react to her touch, barely feeling her. "Yeah... just thinking about stuff... And my speech."
Lucy rolled her eyes, happy he didn't catch that. "I'm sure it sounded really good, in your head."
"It did," he said, nodding. "Wish you coulda heard it."
"Maybe you'll remember tomorrow."
"I hope so. That'd be good." Natsu grinned, showing off his abnormally sharp canines. "I bet you'll be impressed."
Lucy held back a snort, letting him have it. She focused on the darkness outside, spotting Happy trotting back to them. She scooped him up when he got close, waiting for Natsu to stand before they made their way back inside.
"I wonder how long it'll be until I feel, feel..." Natsu pinched his brows together in concentration, his lips pressing into a tight line. His mind went blank, unable to grasp a single word. The only thing he knew was he had to follow Lucy. Other than that, he was lost.
"Feel," he mumbled in the halls on their way to the room, repeating that word until they made it to the stairs. Once they hit the second floor, Natsu smiled, blinking slowly as he turned away from the library. "I feel good."
With her back to him, Lucy allowed herself a bigger smile, making up her mind. 'Yeah. I like when he's high. He's silly.'
"Home sweet home," Natsu mumbled behind Lucy when she pulled out her key. She maneuvered Happy in one arm while unlocking their door with the other. She opened the door, her eyes on Natsu to make sure he made it in okay. He seemed proud of himself when he strolled inside, only to freeze once he stepped a few feet in. "Oh yeah..."
"What?" Lucy asked, walking in after him, only to have her attention drawn upwards at the glowing ceiling. Her eyes widened, breath hitching as she took in the sight of glow stars everywhere.
She looked around, noticing some had made it to the walls, all three of their names spelled out in stars, hanging over their beds. Lucy blinked in amazement, thinking only two things.
'Did Natsu really do this?'
And
'That's way too many stars! How am I supposed to sleep with all that light?!'
Instead of complaining, Lucy turned to him, her lips parted as she made out his expression. He seemed in wonder over the stars, his voice airy as he whispered, "I forgot I did this..."
He turned to Lucy, grinning as he held his arms out as if to say 'ta-da!'. "This is the other gift," he said, making Lucy remember earlier when they were exchanging gifts.
She looked up again, mesmerized by the different designs he made on the ceiling. She swore she made out a few constellations among the randomness. Regardless of the strange patterns, she found herself smiling. It was the thought that counted, and Natsu's gift was more thoughtful than she ever imagined.
Overwhelmed by her emotions, Lucy set Happy down before turning to Natsu, holding her arms out. She didn't have to ask for him to know what she wanted, smiling as he reached towards her. He embraced her in a hug, the side of her head touching his cheek, right over the scar she gave him. Natsu held her close, feeling warmth trickle into his chest when she gave him a squeeze.
"Thank you," she mumbled, her face pressed against his shoulder, blinking back happy tears. "You didn't have to do th-that."
"No problem," Natsu whispered back, rubbing his hand along her back, coaxing her to relax in his grip. "It wasn't hard, and I had fun too."
Lucy couldn't remember a time a friend had gone out of their way to do something as meaningful as Natsu had. She smiled against his shoulder, letting her heart be happy for a moment without letting her dark emotions in. It felt too soon to say, but Lucy wanted to tell him he had been the best friend she ever had, and it wasn't just because of his gift.
He was kind, patient, and generous with her. He hadn't given up on her, hadn't made her feel useless. Natsu was the friend she always wanted, and now that he was here, she didn't want to let go.
However, after a minute, Lucy realized she might be overstaying her welcome. She slowly pulled away, but not before whispering a thanks once more. She found a smile on his face when she stepped away, their arms returning to their sides.
It was only when he wasn't touching her did she feel cold again, wondering if it was his body temperature or the contentment in her heart that made her feel warm. Either way, she coveted that warmth. She needed winter to go ahead and end as quickly as possible, hating the cold.
Natsu looked up at the ceiling, admiring his handy work. He had to use a chair for most of them, too short to reach on his own. As long as the glue held up, he was sure his gift would last a while. He snorted, already imagining the stars raining down on them in their sleep if they fell.
That was the reason he had less directly over their beds and more on the other side of the room, that way there was a lower chance of them getting hit in the head.
Natsu closed his eyes, smiling to himself. He was starting to get sleepy, so he mumbled, "Time for bed?"
"Yeah," she whispered, ready for the night to finally come to an end. "I'd say so."
.
.
.
But the night can't come to an end just yet, because I still have one more chapter about it. :P Sorry Lucy, sorry Natsu. You'll have to endure through a little more before y'all can rest.
Consent is consent. A drunken yes is not consent. A pressured yes is not consent. Consent needs to be clear before anything can happen. Lucy was raped before the outbreak because she was drunk and with a man who didn't respect her or her body. She didn't do anything wrong by getting drunk (aside from being underaged. She was 19 when she drank, and this story is based on USA laws.) Her being drunk did not give anyone the right to touch her.
There were two times Lucy's body was violated sexually, once before and once after the outbreak. She has hazy memories of the first time because she was drunk and kept passing out, but she has no memories of the second time because the man choked her until she was unconscious before raping her. Lucy flinching away from people has way more to do with the physical and mental torture she experienced when captured than anything else, but the other trauma she experienced does contribute to it too.
What did you think of this chapter? I liked writing the random parts where Natsu got off topic. I hope you liked this chapter. Natsu finally showed her the gift! Next chapter Lucy mentions her gift to him, so don't worry, I haven't forgotten. We get more information about Lucy's captors next chapter too. It's going to be an angsty one, but it's necessary for her to get better. I promise, she's on the road to recovery.
Thank you for reading! Thank you for every single favorite, follow, and review! Shout out to the incredible people who gave me feedback last time: Heartfilia777, shootingstarssel, Raquenzel, Mandapandaa, stranger1999, LU-NV, wolf-cry77, Animeforlife1412, cOokIe-MOnzTa, LiviFanfics27, deboome, sarahelle04, Duchixx, TheUniqueFangirl, StillBlooming37(x2), sofiesticated, Ashnmarley, Jinx333, Wiintery, Screeney, WhatAnimeHasTaughtMe, Lady Of The Sphinx, Forbidden-Hanyou, mautrino, valerioux, Daisy73, ThaDesperado64, ElementalMiko12, Sam, undercover nyomi, gazergirlstar, Lizxcliff11, FartsnickleNalu, Guest, Guest, ManderNaner, Tohka123, CathJorda, FlameDragonHime, Doginshoe, MeteorWars, SpiritDragon777, and Guest!
Up next, Chapter Thirty-Five: Nightmares