*Posted this one on March 5th, 2020. The chapter is currently two years behind real time, lol.*
*Chapter Forty-Six: Ink
(March 5th, 2018, Monday Evening)
"Nggh!"
"Hurts?" Rogue asked, suppressing a laugh when Lucy nodded. "Yeah, it doesn't feel the best. Should have put the numbing cream all over your hand, not just the center."
"I didn't realize how big it was going to be," she said, looking down at the pink shape on her hand.
She relaxed when he went back towards the center where her skin was numb, the tattoo machine leaving nothing but pressure as it pushed ink into her flesh. She hadn't thought her decision completely through, but she figured why not get a tattoo? Everyone else was doing it, and it wasn't like she had to maintain a certain appearance anymore.
Her biggest concern was pain, but the numbing cream helped. If it wasn't for that, she wouldn't be putting herself through it. Unnecessary pain didn't seem worth it, especially after what she went through in the past.
Rogue did the design by hand, not able to print out a tattoo stencil to put on her skin. He didn't need one, the aspiring tattoo artist doing well enough on his own. It helped that he taped a picture of the logo on the table next to him, able to look over at it when needed.
Usually one would do the outline before coloring it in, but he saved that for last in case he messed up somewhere. So far things looked good, Lucy toughing it out even when he went to the parts of her hand not numbed up from cream.
"This stuff is amazing," Erza said, smiling at the blue fairy on her arm. Her skin was only now getting sensation back, the numbing cream wearing off after it had worked for a solid thirty minutes.
Luckily for them, they all had quick tattoos, which was good since they were bound to run out of gas for the generator if they wanted any large pieces done.
"You getting anything Jellal?" Rogue asked, finally putting the outline on Lucy's hand. He used a slightly darker pink, one that wouldn't demand too much attention when viewing it.
"Sure, why not?"
"You getting the Fairy Tail symbol too?"
Lucy looked over just as Jellal smiled. "Nah, I was thinking some red tribal?"
"Where?" Erza asked, shaking her head when he answered. "Seriously? A face tattoo?"
"What? Don't think I can pull it off?" he joked, earning a sigh from his wife. "Is it okay?"
"It's your body. Just, I hope you've thought it through."
"I have. Promise."
"You better get to numbing then," Rogue said. "I'm almost finished here, and Sting's won't take long."
Lucy welcomed all the distractions as Rogue put the finishing touches on her tattoo. It wasn't anything fancy, but it held significance.
Fairy Tail had become her home, a place where she slowly felt like she belonged.
It hadn't happened overnight, or even in the first few months. She had been at Fairy Tail for five months now. Sometimes she thought she would wake up from a dream and be back in Crocus, but the longer she stayed at Fairy Tail, the more she accepted her new life.
It wasn't glamorous, but it was hers, and recently she felt more in control of it.
One way she was taking control was putting something on her body that she chose. She had received what felt like countless scars on her body by someone else's hands, but the tattoo, that was her decision.
Instead of breaking down like she used to when thinking about her body, Lucy was slowly learning to live with herself as she was. Grandeeney and Natsu had helped tremendously, and so had her other friends. She didn't know where she would be without them.
'Twenty-one,' she thought, remembering a few days ago when she finally counted all her scars, top to bottom, front to back. She had borrowed a full-length mirror from Levy and Cana for that event. It had taken her one hour and two small crying sessions to get through, but she survived it.
She didn't count the faint marks that were barely visible. They would disappear within a year or so. Only three scars stood out more than the others. One that crossed her right bicep, one that snaked over her left shoulder and dipped a little on her chest, and one that took up the majority of her stomach, looking as if she had been split open between her rib cage.
Grandeeney had given her a cream to help smooth scars, but she knew it would be a long upwards battle trying to erase the physical marks done to her body. More importantly were the marks on her mind, the woman wanting to take back control over her mental state more than anything.
And she had an idea on how she was going to do that, to feel strong, but she needed to get someone's permission on it first.
"Is Lucy done yet?" Levy asked as she entered the room, smiling when she saw the progress. "Oh wow! That's bloody!"
"Shut up," Lucy said, trying not to yank when Rogue got close to her knuckles. "How's yours?"
"Good," Levy said, turning to reveal the orange outline of the Fairy Tail symbol. She had wanted it to be white, but Rogue explained that if she were exposed to the sun, it was likely the ink would turn yellow. So, Levy settled with just an outline, but it looked nice and dainty on her shoulder blade.
Levy looked back at Lucy's mark before giving her a sly grin. "Hibiki's going to think you're such badass with that ink."
Lucy rolled her eyes as she snorted. "How many times do I have to tell you, it's not like that."
"Oh come on Lu," Levy started, pulling up a seat beside her. "He's cute, single, and you two have some great chemistry from what I've seen."
"And what exactly have you seen?" Lucy asked, raising a brow.
"Don't act like you two haven't snuck off to the library. I saw you two in there yesterday, getting nice and cozy next to each other." Levy waggled her brows, but it only made Lucy laugh.
"Seriously, nothing's going on between us. He's just nice to talk to." Lucy smiled, not at all heartbroken as she said, "Besides, he likes Karen, even if they're not together."
Unfortunately for Hibiki, after he had a heart-to-heart with his love interest, she had told him she wasn't interested in a real relationship at the time. Instead of continuing with their current sexual exploits, Hibiki had pulled away, which led him to hanging out with Lucy a few more times so they could talk.
She had no interest in dating him, and he hadn't given her any indication that he felt any different about their growing friendship.
Besides, Levy was teasing about the wrong guy. Lucy had a different face pop up whenever she thought about romance, even if it was quickly dismissed every time.
Her face flushed as she tried casting away her troublesome thoughts, almost scowling when Levy got the wrong idea.
"See! You're blushing! That looks like you like him to me!" Levy giggled while Erza chuckled. "I'm studying humans. I know these things." For added measures, Levy gave Lucy a wink, only causing her blush to darken.
Lucy sighed before shaking her head, trying not to wince when Rogue drug those needles over her tender skin. "All teasing aside, I don't like him like that. He's cute, sure, but he's not what I want."
"Why's that?" Erza asked, listening in to the entirety of the conversation.
"Let's just say I used to date guys like him, and it got me nowhere. If I'm going to date again, and that's a hard if, it's going to be someone completely different. Someone who isn't so full of themselves."
Maybe that was why she was able to talk with Hibiki. Most of the conversations were about him, but she didn't mind. It wasn't only him she was trying to be more social with. Granted, they were baby steps, finally making eye contact with more people and giving a polite nod or 'hello' here or there. She saved more personal details about her life for the people she cared more about, and even then it could be a struggle to be that open and vulnerable with someone.
Levy and Erza chuckled, the former nodding her head. "Okay, okay. I'll stop teasing then."
Lucy grinned. "Good! Now, tell me about your date with Bora. How'd it go?"
"Ugh!" Levy dropped her head before shaking it. "Terrible. Absolutely horrible. He kept talking about himself the whole time, and every time I tried to get a word in, he would interrupt me. I don't know why he even asked me out."
"'Cause you're hot," Cana said, winking at Levy. "Seriously though, sounds like he should've dated a mirror if he likes himself that much."
"Why don't you ask out Droy?" Erza asked, causing Levy to groan.
"I get that there's limited options, but I just... I don't like Droy like that."
"What about Jet?" Lucy asked.
Levy shook her head. "No. They're great friends, and we have fun hanging out, but... I don't know, there's just not a spark with either of them." She shrugged. "I don't know..."
"It's okay to be uncertain," Lucy said, more for her sake than Levy's. She had been lost when it came to romance before. After breaking things off with her fiancé, dating hadn't crossed her mind. He had hurt her emotionally, but after all that time apart, she had decided he was worth forgiving.
'I hope you're doing well, if you're still alive... that is.'
She knew breaking up was the best decision for them, but it didn't come without pain.
"Thanks," Levy said, blowing out a breath. "It's exhausting."
Lucy nodded, trying to keep in the moment, but her thoughts pulled her away. Thinking about Natsu was a losing battle. She had no idea when he was coming back, keeping her on pins and needles.
Speaking of needles...
"Alright," Rogue said, wiping off her tattoo before applying an ointment to promote healing. "So, you'll want to wash it twice a day, apply lotion as needed. I wouldn't recommend covering it, but when at work it'd be better to just wrap it. I got some plastic gloves here, that oughta be good enough. There's like, I dunno, ten or so. But keep it uncovered whenever you can."
He handed her a little tube of lotion, telling her to apply a small amount since she still wanted the tattoo to breathe. "If it scabs don't pick at them. Color will fall out. Some color will fall out naturally anyway, but you want to mess with it as little as possible."
"Got it," Lucy said, allowing him to wrap her hand in plastic before putting a piece of tape on it to keep it secure. "Take that off after about an hour or so, and you should be all set."
She nodded, a giddy smile on her face. "Thank you!"
He gave her a small smile before looking at Jellal. "So, Sting should be here any minute. You should be numb by the time I'm done with him."
Lucy stuck around for a few minutes, watching as Rogue cleaned up his makeshift station before changing the needles.
She decided it was time to check on Happy before stopping by the office, nervous about her decision, but feeling strong enough to finally do it.
"I'll see you later.".
Rogue looked up. "See you tomorrow."
Before Lucy could nod, Erza asked, "Are you going to ask Makarov?" Her tone suggesting she was really asking if Lucy was still sure about her decision.
"Yeah. Wish me luck?"
"I don't know why you'd want to, but good luck," Levy said, earning a shrug from Lucy.
"It may be a bad choice, but I won't find out unless I try. I think I can handle it. I..." Lucy looked down at her palms before gripping, the action causing her to wince from the pain on her right hand, specifically around her knuckles. "Maybe I should tell him I want to start after this heals up. I probably should have thought about that beforehand?"
"Well, best of luck with whatever happens," Erza said, earning a nod from Lucy. "Also, if you need any recommendations, I'm your girl."
"Thanks! I'll keep you updated," she said as she walked backwards, accidentally running into Sting on his way into the room.
"Oops, sorry," he said, giving her a grin before walking over to Rogue, checking out the different ink laid out. "Wicked! I'm pumped!"
"Sorry about him," Yukino said, her and Minerva walking in after him. "Did it hurt?" she asked, looking at Lucy's hand.
She shrugged, trying to downplay it. "I think I handled it okay. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The numbing cream helped a lot."
"I bet." She raised a brow as she asked, "Are you heading out?"
"Yeah. I need to check on Happy."
"Oh okay, well, have a good night. We should hang out sometime, catch up?"
Lucy felt a little heat on her face as she said, "If all goes as planned, I might be seeing more of you soon."
"Oh?"
She nodded before leaning in, whispering her plan to Yukino. When she pulled back, she saw a mixed reaction from the woman, who didn't bother hiding how she felt.
"Well, while I wish you didn't want to risk your life, I respect your decision. Just, be very safe, okay?"
"That's the plan."
Everyone did so much to keep her alive so far. It would be a waste to get herself killed by being reckless.
"Have a good night," Lucy said, giving her friends a wave before stepping out into the hall. The light from the sunset dripped through the windows, guiding her towards her room. She ignored the pessimistic part of her mind as she walked. 'I've been preparing for this day. I can do this.'
By the time she reached her room, Lucy felt drained. That changed when she opened the door, Happy's lively meows bringing a smile to her face.
"Come on, buddy. It's time to use the bathroom."
As she went through the chore of bringing Happy outside to potty, she rehearsed what she would say to Makarov in a few minutes. She needed to be direct and confident. There was no way he was taking her seriously otherwise.
"I got this," she said, voice firm as she nodded. "I'm ready."
She was painfully bored with constantly digging holes and doing other maintenance work. Lucy had trained her body to be faster and stronger, and now she wanted a real challenge instead of the same monotonous work.
She could see why Natsu preferred having three jobs around base. It gave him some variety, something she desperately craved.
Lucy took a shaky breath before running her fingers through her hair, mindful to keep the tattooed hand by her side. It was still numb, but she knew there would be pain once it lost its effectiveness.
Though, part of her looked forward to the discomfort. The less she spent in her head, the better, all thoughts somehow leading back to a certain pink haired man with a grin that made her chest tight.
Lucy wasn't oblivious, recognizing a crush when she saw it. She had been resistant at first, but her heart didn't care. She found herself wanting something more than what friends were supposed to want.
However, despite realizing she had a slight thing for her roommate, that didn't mean anything. She couldn't count how many crushes she had in her lifetime, and she knew it wouldn't amount to anything.
But even with rational thoughts on her side, crushes never seemed to care about the logic of it all.
Natsu wasn't her type.
At all.
He was goofy and wild, the man unpredictable. He was loud and had trouble with boundaries at times. His hair was a crazy color and he had tattoos, something Lucy never found attractive before.
'But,' she thought, a small smile taking shape.
Natsu was also sweet, and kind, and funny, and warm and gentle, and just thinking about him being gone made her heart ache.
"Stop it," Lucy mumbled, pinching her arm directly since her sleeves on her jacket were pushed up, the temperature outside bearable. "You're being ridiculous."
Natsu was her friend, and even if she did decide to explore her attraction towards him, it wouldn't matter. Not only was she nowhere near ready for any type of romantic or physical relationship, she doubted Natsu would ever consider her a good match.
If she had to guess, he preferred someone equally as rambunctious, someone who could keep up with him. Lucy frowned when she realized that wasn't her. She could be adventurous, but she had a feeling it wouldn't be enough to keep his interest.
"Literally, why am I even thinking about this," Lucy laughed, shaking her head. There was no point in dwelling on it, especially when it was just a crush.
It was bound to go away. She just needed time.
At least her crush on Natsu didn't start until after he left. She could only imagine how silly she would act if he were around. With him gone, it was easy to dismiss her feelings.
Maybe she only crushed on him because she missed him, which started shortly after he left. Even that first morning without him was rough, but she survived it.
So many people had helped her become better, stronger than she thought possible. She wasn't going to let them down.
She wasn't going to let herself down.
'Never again.'
Which, was why after she put Happy away in the room, she marched down to the main office. Her heart pounded with every step, but she didn't hesitate before reaching for the door, thankful it was unlocked.
Lucy hadn't spent a lot of time in the office, but she remembered how to get to Makarov's room. She used the flashlight on Natsu's phone to guide her, thankful for the small flickering light coming from under the door of the principal's office.
'He's still here.'
It wasn't too late, but she knew there was a good chance he had gone to his room for the evening. Luckily for her, he was looking over the inventory of food when she knocked on his door, invited in seconds later.
"Hi," Lucy said, cursing how meek her voice got when she entered the small room. To be fair, she probably would have felt uneasy anyway seeing as she hadn't addressed the fact that he knew a secret about her he wasn't supposed to know, but she tried keeping that separate as she took a seat.
She could deal with that another day. She had more important things on her agenda.
"I don't want to take up much of your time," she started, voice smooth after practicing her speech for the past few nights. She thought about bringing Erza with her to make her more comfortable, but she had to show their leader she was brave enough on her own, otherwise he wouldn't take her seriously.
"I overheard someone say how you need more people for off base jobs. I want to really contribute to Fairy Tail, and I don't feel like I'm accomplishing enough right now. I was wondering if I could try something more challenging?"
Makarov raised a brow, setting his record book to the side before giving her his complete attention. "I can see why you'd feel that way. It's not like there's much grass to mow, and thankfully we haven't had a death in a few weeks."
He paused before adding, "We are short-handed when it comes to off base jobs. Were you interested in being a water gatherer? Or on laundry duty when it warms up more?"
Lucy tried keeping her face neutral by clenching her fists, offering a small smile. It was meant to be reassuring, but she had the feeling it made her look uneasy. "Actually, I was hoping for something else."
When Makarov gave her a questioning look, she forced out, "I-I was hoping to be a runner." It was a struggle to keep her volume down, her palms and underarms damp with sweat as he stared her down.
"That's a tough job," Makarov said, remaining quiet for a solid minute after that. He rested his wrists on his desk before lacing his fingers. "I'm sure you're aware of the dangers associated with that job?"
Before Lucy could nod, he said, "Zombies aren't the only threat."
"What else is there?" Lucy asked, tilting her head an inch.
"Well, just last week one of our runners sprained their ankle trying to chase off a dog that kept barking. Another time, one of our runners accidentally had an allergic reaction to peanuts."
Lucy opened her mouth to respond, but Makarov continued, answering her unspoken question. "While yes, that could happen anywhere, it's much harder to treat the further you are from base. Luckily they were able to return to Grandeeney in time to get treated. Every day the runners go out, they get further away from base, increasing their likeliness to encounter danger."
"Oh," Lucy whispered, causing Makarov to nod.
"That's not the only danger out there. You never know if you'll find other survivors." He frowned. "Most of the time, it's a good thing, But every once in a while, you may encounter someone who would be considered hostile, which never ends well."
Lucy swallowed the bit of guilt rising at the thought of Natsu's cheek where a scar now rested. She had been hostile towards him when he found her, but he still brought her to Fairy Tail despite the odds.
He believed in her when he had every right to leave her behind.
She took a subtle breath of relief that he didn't abandon her. He thought she was worth saving, and she would be forever grateful. "Okay," she started with a slight nod. "So I didn't think about all the risks, but I still think I'd be good. I've been training for a while to get faster and stronger, and..." Her eyes dropped to the desk for a second before returning to Makarov's, feeling it in her heart. "I think I'm ready to at least try. Maybe, once or twice a week, until I get the hang of it?"
"Hmm..." Makarov pondered for a moment. He fidgeted in his chair, mouth opening and closing a few times before he sighed. "Before I address that, can I say something without having to beat around the bush? Before we leave the subject of hostile people?"
Lucy nodded despite her hammering heart and slight stomach jerk. She knew there was a possibility that Makarov would try to talk about it seeing as they hadn't spoken about the matter at all, but she had hoped he wouldn't bring it up.
'He has to know I know he knows my secret by now? Erik must have told him about the night he brought me to the gates? Nothing seems to stay in the dark around here.'
Sure enough, Makarov's expression went grim, his voice cautious as he said, "I'd like to ask you just one question, about your travels before you came to Fairy Tail.'
She almost scoffed.
'Travels' was a nice word for what she went through, but she could understand why he used it. Spending months being mentally and physically tortured then walking countless miles in the cold woods with barely any clothes or shoes didn't have such a nice ring to it.
"What did you, um, want to know?" Lucy asked, throat tight, like a hand was squeezing at her neck.
She swallowed at the thought. It alone made her skin crawl. Lucy steadied her breathing before the darkness could swirl in, counting to five for each inhale and exhale, just as Grandeeney told her to do when she got overwhelmed.
She did not want to talk about her 'travels', but she figured she might have to in order to get what she wanted.
"I'm sure by now you're aware Natsu told me who you encountered?"
Lucy gave a tight nod, her shoulders tensing enough to cause mild pain, but it went ignored. "Yes," she mumbled, eyes slowly dipping until she looked at the desk. She hadn't prepared herself nearly as much for that situation, but she had done a little prepping.
Makarov frowned, seeing her withdraw. "I'm sorry if you feel your privacy was violated. If I had no connections to the person in question, I'm sure Natsu wouldn't have said anything."
"I—What?" Lucy furrowed her brows, not expecting that. "A connection? How?"
Makarov's expression turned grim. "Natsu... didn't tell you?"
Lucy shook her head. Whatever Makarov's connection to Ivan was, she hadn't been privy to the information. 'Why not? Why wouldn't Natsu tell? Is he willing to keep other people's secrets but not mine?'
She tried keeping her breathing under control, but she lost the battle as soon as Makarov whispered, "Ivan... is my son."
"He—" she choked out, eyes blown wide as her body faltered. Everything went silent despite Makarov's lips moving, her mind unable to comprehend.
"Stop," she mouthed, unsure if the word left her mouth. Lucy clutched the seat as she pulled her legs up, wrapping them with her arms as she closed her eyes.
Ivan was Makarov's... son? Why wouldn't Natsu tell her that? How would Natsu even know? She remembered the night she told Natsu Ivan's name. He had asked for a last name, but Lucy wasn't able to provide one.
'How can he be sure it's the same person?'
She must have spoken her thoughts, Makarov's grating voice cutting through the silence.
"I don't think there would be two Ivans capable of..."
Lucy's teeth gnashed as she brought a hand to her face, hiding the forming tears. "H-how—" She swallowed, fighting like hell to regain control, even as the memories surfaced.
Ivan's cruel laugh, the way he held her down before tearing into her skin, the complete loss of time when he locked her away in the dark, letting her sit with her horrid thoughts.
"How much... did N-Natsu tell you?" She clenched her teeth as she met Makarov's gaze, thankful he didn't look like Ivan. "About me?"
Makarov's forehead wrinkled. "What do you mean? He told me you were held by Ivan."
"Did..." Her throat felt too rough. She swallowed her dry saliva. "Did he say... what h-happened." She cursed the stumble in her voice, the lack of power. She had been working towards building her confidence, but one conversation knocked her down.
Makarov's eyes widened before he shook his head. "Natsu didn't give me details, if that's what you're asking."
"Then how," she started, a headache forming as she refused to spill her tears. "How do you know it's the same Ivan? How?"
"I forgot you're not from Magnolia... I thought Natsu would have told you, but I see I was wrong."
She paled, mind trying to shut down on itself but she wouldn't allow it. "I..." Her voice came out as barely a whisper, but she pushed forward, not wanting Ivan to control her even after she escaped. Her shaky hand fell from her face, Lucy curling on the chair, failing to find comfort. "He d-didn't tell me... anything about—"
Makarov gave her a tense nod. "Ivan was convicted of murder after killing a few other young women. He was sent away for life."
How was she supposed to process that? Her mind blank until panic set in. She drew in a choppy breath before swallowing. Lucy had to remind herself four times that she wasn't in danger before she believed it, her body telling her to run.
She fought it.
"Then, he escaped prison?" Lucy asked, earning a sigh from Makarov.
"Actually, he was sent to an institution, deemed mentally incompetent by the jury."
Lucy narrowed her eyes, not needing to say anything for Makarov to know what she was thinking. "I know," he said, not looking any happier about the decision than she did. "I didn't believe it either. I know he's sick, but I do believe he had control over his actions. Which..."
His voice grew soft, a pleading tone lacing in. "Which is why I would like for you to tell us where his last known location was."
Makarov didn't get the last few words out before Lucy was shaking her head, seconds away from bolting.
"Lucy, I understand why bringing this up would be disturbing, and I promise you I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was crucial. Please," Makarov said, voice rough but sincere.
However, Makarov didn't know the horrors she faced at the hands of that man. He—
'Actually, he probably does know what Ivan did. Natsu didn't have to breathe a word of it. Ivan was convicted. His actions were probably front page news in Magnolia, allowing anyone to get a feel for what she endured.
"Please," he repeated, Lucy's eyes fixed on the filing cabinets to the side while she bit her inner cheek, keeping those tears from falling as she fought off her mind's urge to replay some moments from her time as Ivan's plaything.
"As a father—" Makarov started, instantly turning every bit of sadness Lucy had into unadulterated rage.
"He killed my father," she spat, eyes sharp as they settled on Makarov, seeing the shock wash over his face.
His mouth dropped, face draining of color as he sat in stunned silence. Lucy's chest burned white hot, her hands gripping the arm rests of her seat to keep her grounded.
They stared at each other for a moment, neither knowing how to diffuse the situation. Lucy didn't feel it was her responsibility. She hadn't brought up the subject, leaving Makarov scrambling for a way to smooth things over.
It was an impossible task, but their leader tried regardless.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," Makarov whispered, all motivation lost. "I can't even begin to imagine what you've gone through."
Before Lucy could say anything, he shook his head, grabbing a book off the shelf before setting it on the desk, turning to a specific page. "I'm sorry for bringing it up. Let's, let's just get your job change taken care of, then you can be on your way."
He turned the book towards her, waiting until she visibly relaxed before continuing. "You'll be paired with Rogue for your first week. He's the best out there, so you'll be in good hands. He'll train you, teach you whatever you need to know."
Makarov paused, swallowing hard before moving on. "When he tells me you're ready, you'll still be with the group, but you'll check houses, apartments, whatever the group is searching that day, you'll be able to do your own checks."
After a few seconds, he continued. "You may feel like Rogue is babying you out there, but I assure you it's to keep you safe during training. Have you ever killed a zombie?"
Lucy took a deep breath, preparing herself to speak. Her throat was tight, her rage simmered now that he wasn't poking at her past. However, despite the discomfort, Lucy found herself curious, even if it seemed easier to put the past to rest and move on.
"N-no," she mumbled, earning a nod.
"Well, that'll have to change. The clearers have gone through the areas and wiped out the zombies there, but there's always more that come through later, which is why all runners need to be armed. Have you ever used a weapon?"
Lucy nodded, fingers slowly releasing the arm rest. They were tense, almost cramped from how hard she clenched. "A knife, kind of. I'm not the best, but I've also, um, used a rifle before."
As Makarov took out another book, one marked 'weapons', Lucy remembered another one she had used.
"And... I may be rusty, because it's been a while, but I'm also trained to use—"
Makarov's eyes widened before nodding to himself. "That could very well come in handy. Normal runners typically don't use guns because they draw too much attention, but that other one... We happen to have one, if you'd like to try it sometime?"
"Maybe, but I think I want to get better at using a knife first, since it seems more practical?"
"Rogue will help you pick out a weapon to suit your skills. He's good at his job. He'll take care of you."
Lucy breathed a sigh of relief. While some anxiety lingered, she didn't have to worry. Makarov wasn't going to bring up Ivan again, and she was getting her job change sorted out.
'Then, why do I feel so wrong inside?'
"So, you're ready to be a runner?" Makarov asked, grabbing a pen.
Lucy straightened up, remembering how her father told her to appear confident, even when she didn't feel it. Appearances were everything.
'Used to be everything.'
With a nod, she said, "Yes, I do."
"Very well. You can start Wednesday. Runners and Clearers get Saturday and Tuesday off, so tomorrow report for your normal job, then Wednesday you can start as a Runner." He paused before yawning, the late hour taking its toll on him. "Meet up with them at the front gate right after breakfast. I'll let Rogue and Macao know what's going on."
He gave her a sad smile, eyes softening as he added, "And if you change your mind, for whatever reason, just report to Macao like normal. There will be no hard feelings. Going off base is a scary thing, and no one will blame you for changing your mind."
Lucy nodded, goosebumps forming on her arms. She would be putting herself in danger, but it was in the hopes of making Fairy Tail more safe.
'I hope I can help and don't end up a liability.'
"I appreciate that," Lucy said, voice calm. "But I assure you, I've thought this through." She had for a while now. She just needed to wait until she felt ready. Her weight was normal and her training helped boost her strength, speed, stamina, and confidence. She was ready to give it a shot.
"Good. Now, in your own words, I need you to write down basically saying you understand you're risking your life and sign your name, that way no one thinks you were forced off base. No one goes out there unless they choose it."
Lucy accepted the pen, jotting down some words before signing, flushing a little at her name.
I fully understand I am putting my life at risk by working off base, and I know there are no guarantees that I'll be safe. -Lucy Dragneel
She reread her words over and over again, watching as the ink dried right before her eyes. A hint of a smile crossed her face when she remembered she used to take pictures of important documents for safekeeping. So, she did just that, using Natsu's phone to take a picture of her statement.
While it was unlikely the world would ever return to the way it was before, that didn't mean all hope was lost. They were creating a world worth living in, and part of living meant they needed to stay safe.
She didn't want to face it, but she had to. A strong part of her wanted Ivan found and dealt with, that way he had no chance of sneaking up on her. She didn't know what she was throwing into the fire. It was either gasoline or water, but she would eventually find out.
Lucy took a deep breath, pen still in hand as she looked up at Makarov. "Say, I gave you the address, and," she drawled, skin crawling. "Say you found him. What, what would you do?"
Makarov didn't hesitate, but she did detect a sorrowful tone. "We would handle it."
Lucy's face twisted before she shook her head. "No, I'm... I'm going to need specifics."
His face revealed his discomfort, but that didn't stop him from saying, "We'll kill him, right then and there." Makarov sounded like all his hope was gone, but Lucy was still worried. No matter what she did, she didn't think her father would completely give up on her.
Even when she had disappointed him so badly, he still tried to help her, in his own twisted way. He didn't have the best attitude towards that help, but he didn't give up on her.
"What if he talked his way out of it?" Lucy asked, chest hollow as she put the facts in front of her feelings. If she were really considering revealing the information, she had to know her safety wasn't going to be put in jeopardy.
"There would be no questions asked," Makarov said, pain washing over him, his eyes dull and tired. "No room for explanations, because there are none."
"How would you ensure that?" Lucy asked, ignoring the way her hands trembled. If Makarov noticed, he didn't comment.
"If you give us his last known whereabouts, then when the group from Hargeon comes back, I plan on asking Laxus and a few others to investigate that area. Laxus already wants him dead. He wanted that the minute he was caught and his secrets came to light. I wouldn't go because I'm still having a difficult time separating myself from the situation, but I trust Laxus will take care of him and end it."
Lucy bit her tongue as she debated, listing the pros and cons. She didn't want her past dug up, but if there was a chance they could kill Ivan and his group...
There was no right or wrong answer, everything had its consequences.
The Fairy Tail group could be hurt, possibly killed at the hands of Ivan, or Ivan could have already left after Lucy escaped. They had been talking about venturing to another house to see if there was any food.
Lucy had to suppress a gag at the thought of what they made her eat when real food wasn't available, her eyes watering as she snatched a piece of paper off his desk, hand shaking as she did her best to write down the address.
She needed it over.
She needed to put it all behind her, or prepare herself if he was on the loose again.
"He won't step foot on base?" Lucy asked, earning a nod from Makarov.
"I give you my word."
'We'll see how much that's worth,' Lucy thought as she jotted down directions in case they needed more than an address. "It's a house on the lake, a few miles away from some camping grounds. I don't know real directions, but I can tell you what highway to exit and when to turn."
Lucy finished writing, her breathing heavy but heart lighter. She was either giving Makarov the information to make Fairy Tail better, or starting her own destruction, but deep down she felt Makarov was telling her the truth.
"I hope I'm not making a mistake," Lucy whispered, setting the pen down before leaning back, wiping the sweat from her palms on her pants.
"I understand your skepticism, Lucy, but I assure you," Makarov started, making eye contact. "I don't want him hurting anyone else. He's... he's... The damage is done. There's no redemption for him."
As Lucy took a deep breath, Makarov added, "What I'm trying to say, is all emotions aside, it'll be easier and better for everyone if we end it. Just a quick death, then we can move on and no one else can be hurt my him."
For a while, Lucy thought she wanted Ivan to suffer, to endure what he put her through, but the thought of a quick death sounded right. She didn't want to become him, to continue the cycle of abuse. She just wanted the threat eliminated so she could sleep better at night.
'I've slept so much better the more I talk about things, the safer I feel. The more I open myself up. The more I get it out if my head.'
Lucy nodded, her body tense. "So nothing will happen until after Natsu and them get back?"
"Yes. Laxus is going to lead the team, so we need to wait for them to return."
'Will Natsu join that team as well?' Lucy swallowed, heart heavy as she stood. "Okay, then until then, I'd like to not talk about it again."
Makarov nodded. "Understandable."
As she started to leave, she said, "I'll be at the front gate Wednesday morning. Will Rogue have a weapon for me?"
"Yes. I'll let him know."
Lucy gripped the handle, sparing one glance back before nodding. She didn't want to say 'thank you', but she didn't want to leave without saying a word. "You won't regret this."
She barely heard it as she exited, Makarov's whispered words hanging in the air.
"I hope you don't either."
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Dunno about y'all, but I get crushes on people every now and then. Some are harder to shake, but some I get over within a week. Currently I have no crushes, and it's super relieving. Crushing on people takes too much emotional energy, lol. So, Lucy's convinced herself it's just a crush she has on Natsu. What do you think?
So, since this chapter is posted during the same time of the year that the story takes place, I feel 100% confident with writing that it's getting warm every once in a while. There have been a few days in late February/early March that I felt like I didn't need a jacket, but most days are still cold. Early to mid February it snowed where I live, and then just a week later it felt like spring was here, only for it to be cold again. Weather is fickle.
So, I'm officially a zombie slayer! I changed my legal name a few days ago, and I decided that in addition to changing my last name, I added a second middle name, so now I have 'ZombieSlayer' in my legal name! :D Not only did the judge approve it, he loved it! Said it made his day! I'm absolutely in love with my new name! It looks so awesome on my ID! Just wanted to share the news with y'all! I don't think anyone would, but please don't try to find me in real life. I enjoy my privacy and having control over what I share with people, so please don't try to violate my trust and privacy. Y'all are better than that.
Speaking of you guys being incredible! Thank you so much for your support! With every favorite, follow, and review! Shout out to those awesome people who left me feedback last time: Mandapandaa, stranger1999, deboome, Laila'sdream, Lodemai04, Doginshoe, Xfangirl123X, SistershoOk, valerioux, iaga. isabella, tasha. hime20, shootingstarssel, car213, Sashiee27, ipromiseimnotatotaldweeb, Shugocharaa, slmo, CelestialDreamer15, ElementalMiko12, skybridgebarrow, FlameDragonHime, Jazminee18, ToukaKaneki. Ulle, itsxoi, theunseengirl147, Letavia, Sam, Guest, Sydneste, Michiamotippete(x2), and CathJorda! Thank you!
Up next, Chapter Forty-Seven: Hargeon