PART TWO:
"Did you love Annie right away, Finnick?" I ask.
"No." A long time passes before he adds, "She crept up on me."- Mockingjay, Chapter 12
ANNIE (1)
Annie Cresta, aged 18. The Capitol
Numb.
She feels numb. As in she doesn't feel. There's no anger, no sadness, no humour. Only a heavy cloud of grey that settles around her and makes her head swim with tiredness.
She's distantly aware of something, inside of her, but so very far away, that just wants to bleed, to scream, to take flight against the self-contained cage her mind has conjured for herself. It wants to shake against the brittle bars and hit something until every muscle in her arms and in her back are screaming, feeble and fatigued. It wants to keep on hitting until her voice is hoarse and her knuckles are bloody and until she finally feels alive again.
But it's so very far away, like a half-remembered dream, and the grey haze of her mind can't grasp onto it for long enough to pull it out.
She wants to sleep but there are so many people here in this white room with its white walls and white floor and white furniture. They're all dressed in white coats too. Too white. Capitol white. Pale, pale, pale.
Is she in the Capitol? No that doesn't make sense. Why would she be in the Capitol? She lives in District Four. The only people from District Four who go to the Capitol are the Hunger Games tributes and that's definitely not Annie. Annie Cresta would never volunteer for something like that.
The fact of the matter is that no one really wants to be chucked into an arena with twenty-three other people to fight to the death, so following that line of logic Annie surmises that no one, from District Four at least, really wants to go to the Capitol. Yet Annie seems to be in the Capitol which is weird and doesn't make any sense at all. Unless maybe she's dreaming? She does feel very tired. (Can one be tired and be dreaming at the same time?)
There's a boy sitting next to her bed and he's not dressed in white. There's something vaguely familiar about his but it slips away before Annie can catch it. He's not wearing white and he's not moving around. In fact, he's looking at her with his too familiar face and suddenly Annie knows that he is real and therefore he must be able to tell her if this is a dream or not.
"Is this real?" She asks him.
"Yes," the boy says, and Annie trusts him without knowing why.
She's back to where she was before then. If this is real she must be in the Capitol and that doesn't make any sense, but she decided to ask the boy anyway. Maybe he knows what is going on.
"Am I in the Capitol?" Annie asks, and the boy says yes again.
"How did I get here?" Annie asks.
"There was a train," says the boy and suddenly Annie can remember it. She remembers sitting in the carriage as the world outside whizzes past her.
There's something else nagging at her brain as she remembers, but Annie ignores it.
It's not hard since she's suddenly remembering herself on one of the most luxurious train carriages that, to her mind, can possibly ever exist. Really, how much better can it get than honey roasted meats, exotic sauces, velvet seats and mahogany tables- there are so many things to look at, all at once, that Annie's eye keeps getting distracted by this shiny thing, or the light gleaming off of that shiny thing. Honestly, it should be easy to forget all about that other business.
But then the boy walks onto the train. (Although he doesn't because he's sitting next to Annie in the white, white room in the Capitol with all the people and that's real.) And the boy's familiar face is too familiar and he's Finnick Odair, of course. Annie feels stupid for forgetting him now. Everyone knows Finnick Odair.
And so Finnick Odair and Annie are both on the train and the thought scratching on the edge of her brain grows louder but she doesn't want to think about it but the sight of Finnick Odair here on the train with her is suddenly making her feel sick and clammy. And this train is so glamourous, and Annie is on it and why is she on it and how did she get here.
Don't think about it. Don't think about it. She tries to push the walls she'd thrown up in her mind back into place.
Don't think about it.
Something manages to slide through though.
Oh God. Oh God. The Hunger Games.
And then she remembers everything.
And then in the real world she's screaming and she can't stop and she won't stop and one of the white coated people sticks something into her arm and then she doesn't have to remember anymore.
XXX
The boy is still there when she wakes up again. Except he's not the boy he's Finnick Odair. She knows that now.
Everyone knows Finnick Odair.
Except nobody knows Finnick Odair. But Annie does, because he's sitting next to her here in the white room so she must know him. And she does know him. She remembers now.
And she remembers now. She remembers everything: the train, the tribute centre, the interview. She remembers the arena: the mud, the water, the blood. She remembers the dam breaking and she remembers how the water rose up around her and she remembers how she swam and swam because she didn't know how to not swim.
Byron's head.
She remembers Byron's head. She remembers watching the District One boy bringing down his sword and slicing right through Byron's neck until it just wasn't there anymore.
No that's not true. The head was still there, it just wasn't attached to Byron anymore.
Byron's head wasn't attached to Byron anymore, but his blood was splattered all over Annie and the District One boy was laughing at her.
She remembers it all in a detached, clinical way. They're just the facts of what happened which Annie can now remember without falling apart because she's numb again. There's a needle in her arm letting her remember. Letting her be numb.
And she remembers Finnick Odair now. She knows Finnick Odair because he's her mentor. She was in the Hunger Games and he taught her all the dirty tricks her knew and pulled all the strings he could manage because he told her he was going to bring her home. She was his tribute and now she's not in the arena anymore, which means…?
"I won the Hunger Games?" Annie asks Finnick Odair.
"Yes," he says.
XXX
The Hunger Games.
It was pretty much impossible to see Finnick Odair right there in front of her, and not think Hunger Games. Finnick Odair is pretty much synonymous with the Hunger Games at this point. He is undeniably the perfect Victor: young, attractive, a career tribute. He's always spending time in the Capitol, living the promised life of luxury owed to a Victor. He's always supporting the president on political matters, always hanging out with illustrious Capitol citizens. He is a Hunger Games success story and the sudden sight of Finnick Odair appearing before her on the train to the Capitol made the Hunger Games far too real for Annie Cresta.
The next thing she knows she's sitting with her head between her legs on one of the velvet sofas and Geena, the Capitol representative for District 4, is stroking her back soothingly. She's saying something too in a comforting tone but, although Annie recognises the words, the way Geena is stringing them together doesn't seem to make any sense.
"I know, I know," she is saying. "You did look a little nervous up on stage, but with your hair in those braids you looked adorable. You did mostly pull it off. So much better than that girl from District nine. Honestly you looked fine, Annabel. Really, don't think about it."
Someone hands her a glass of water. Its crystal cut and the strange geometric shapes feel odd against her palm.
"I don't think she's worried about how her hair looked Geena," a male voice says, nearby. Annie realises that it's Finnick Odair again and that he was the one that handed her the glass.
"Oh, Finnick darling, girls worry about this sort of stuff. And boys too. You're just lucky that your hair looks so perfect all the time and you don't have these sorts of problems. Metella really is a genius." Geena sounds wistful. Annie still can't make sense of what she's talking about. "You don't know what it is, by the way, that she uses on your hair, do you?"
"Why don't you just ask her when we see her?" Finnick snaps. Seeing Finnick Odair angry (or, OK, maybe just mildly irritated here) is quite odd. Usually when Annie has seen him on the holonet before he's charismatic and a little outrageous, words dripping with charm. Witnessing him loosing his temper seems to humanise him in a way Annie hadn't anticipated.
"Anyway, can you leave us Geena? I need to chat with my tribute." It's very dismissive, and judging by the way Geena huffs and flounces out the room, drawing as much attention to her displeasure as she possibly can, Finnick doesn't normally talk to her like this.
Wait a minute- did he say his tribute?
Annie finally finds her voice.
"You didn't have to be so mean to her. She was only trying to help."
To be perfectly honest, Annie Cresta had never expected that if she ever met Finnick Odair she would be telling him off. Not that she had ever really expected to meet Finnick Odair. Even though they both lived in the same District there was something very unobtainable about Finnick Odair. Perhaps it was that he was always on the holonet in the Capitol. Perhaps it was just that everyone knew who he was.
Annie remembers quite clearly the year that he won. She was thirteen and of course, like everyone else in her class, she wanted him to win. It was something about the fact that he was more or less their age, from their District, and actually even from Annie's own school. (The fact that he was good looking didn't hurt). The Odair family had lived only a couple of streets away from the Cresta family it turned out, and Annie's brother, Liat, had actually been in Finnick's class at school although they weren't really friends. Annie hadn't really noticed Finnick in the school corridors before he was reaped, and afterwards he didn't actually come back to school, but still there was enough of a connection there for Annie and many of her peers to view him as 'one of them'.
When he did win though, he was suddenly everywhere else. Everyone wanted him and Finnick Odair began to belong less and less to their neighbourhood, and more and more to the Capitol. In that time Annie had grown up, and the Finnick Odair that could have been her neighbour, her colleague, her friend, slipped further and further away until he was just another famous name that appeared on the holonet.
But now he is right in front of her, calling her his tribute, and she is telling him off. Perhaps not the greatest first impression.
"Yeah, I guess so." Finnick pinches the bridge of his nose, frowning a little. "I'll apologise to her later. I just can't believe she thought a tribute's biggest problem was their appearance on camera."
"I guess the Capitol is just a very different place," Annie counters. Finnick Odair is right next to her, talking to her. It's a little surreal.
"You'd be right about that," Finnick says, a darkness creeping into his tone. "It has its own problems though."
Annie wants to ask him what he means by that, but something in face stops her. Instead she asks, "I thought you liked the Capitol? The holonet says you're there practically all the time."
"Certain things are expected of me I guess," he says, before straightening out his frown and turning to look at her properly. "Anyway, enough about me. Let's talk about you, Annabel Cresta, and how you're going to win the Hunger Games."
Certainly, Annie had had some preconceptions about Finnick Odair. It was common knowledge that he spent a lot of his time in the Capitol, and it was common knowledge that he had a long string of rich, older, lovers that were quickly disregarded. Knowing this, Annie had felt justified in judging him as somewhat of an arrogant flirt who's fame had gone to their head. However, this boy that she meets is not at all what she had anticipated.
Finnick Odair is fun, Annie learns within the first ten minutes of talking to him. He has a quick sense of humour and an easy charm that an put anyone, even a girl headed to an undignified televised slaughter, at ease.
"You, Annabel Cresta," He says. (He likes using her full name like that). "You are so lucky to have such a wonderful and fantastic mentor. I'll admit we fought over you- it got a bit messy- but in the end I managed to convince Adrian that you deserved only the very best."
(Adrian Telum is the other mentor this year. He's about fifty and has a reputation for being bit of a grump. Annie's quite glad she's not been assigned to him).
The way Finnick talks, on anyone else, might come across as stuck up an egotistical, but he's so theatrical as he speaks, that Annie knows he's simply trying to make her laugh.
They talk about her- her family and friends, school, her hobbies.
Finnick is so charming that Annie doesn't realise she's being more or less interviewed until after she's told him all about the way she likes to dive deeply for shells, the way she's learnt to gut fish for her father's stall, and the dagger training she'd been given at the Career Academy.
"Well I think you've got loads to work with, Annabel Cresta," he says, smiling at her.
"Annie," she corrects him.
"Annie." Finnick Odair says.
XXX
"I'll be honest, it's such a relief to finally be older than the tributes," Finnick says at the tribute centre. "They never take me seriously."
"You don't take yourself very seriously," Annie says, which is true because Finnick laughs a lot and is always smiling.
Except he's not smiling now, in the white room, where Annie is, which is real.
He's not smiling and he's not laughing because he's shouting at one of the white coated people. He's saying things that sound like, 'she's not ready', and 'she needs to go home', but the white coated people don't want to listen. They say words like 'interview' and 'president' and 'orders' and when they think she's not listening they hiss 'crazy' and 'mad girl'.
"Am I crazy now Finnick?" she asks him when he sits down again at her bedside.
It makes his brow furrow in the middle, and he leans in closer to her, taking her hands gently.
His eyes are big, and round and green, and his lashes are dark and ridiculously long.
How pretty, Annie thinks. Its what she always thinks when she looks at him.
"You're just as sane as I am," Finnick says which makes Annie realise that she must be crazy because Finnick is crazy. She knows that. How does she know that?
She has to think for a moment before she remembers the way he had danced around in the stylist's room when Annie was supposed to be getting dressed up for her interview. She'd been nervous to be on the holo, but then he'd rifled through the rack of clothes, and strutted around in the feathers and sparkles he had found there. Annie's stylist hadn't minded. In fact, she'd loved it.
(Everyone loves Finnick Odair.)
He'd plucked out a ludicrous cape which had shimmered like fish scales under the lights, and he'd draped it around Annie's shoulders.
"You're a bit crazy," Annie laughs.
"Let's be crazy together?" Finnick grins back, offering her his hand.
Annie never feels nervous when she's with Finnick Odair.
The night before she went into the arena he had taken her up to the roof of the tribute centre because she couldn't sleep. She remembers how Finnick had led her up there, shushing her and telling her they would get in trouble if anyone caught them up there. She remembers how he had laid on his back right there in the middle of the concrete area smiling at her with his pretty mouth and his pretty eyes and pretty curls and told her to lie down next to him.
"I like to come here and look at the stars," Finnick Odair had said which made Annie laugh because there are no stars in the Capitol. The bright lights of the city keep them away and surely Finnick Odair should know that because he's always in the Capitol.
He had just clucked at her and told her to focus on the sky and just to wait and so she did. She waited. And after a few minutes her eyes started to notice things she hadn't seen there before. Pinpricks in the dark canopy above them. Not as vast and as deep and the display she could see at home, but nonetheless, there they were. Stars in the Capitol.
"My father always taught me how to navigate by the stars when we were out sailing," Finnick had said. "So I would always know how to get home. I like knowing that they're still there, even when I'm away from home. If I can still see the stars I can't have gone too far."
Home. How Annie wishes she could go home.
In the real world, the white room with all the busy people, she looks at Finnick. He's still holding her hands, so carefully that she thinks she must be so fragile.
Finnick Odair told her he would bring her home.
She trusts him.