Warning: Chapter contains violence.
*Chapter Forty-Nine: Ready
(March 7th, 2018, Wednesday Morning)
No matter how many times Lucy told herself she would be fine, she couldn't calm the speed of her heartbeat, her face flushing as she left the school and headed towards the front gate.
Being a runner was what she wanted. She had been determined to prove herself an essential part of Fairy Tail, but when she woke up that morning, all she felt was bubbling nervousness that wouldn't go away.
The anxiety in her chest pushed and pulled against her while a swarm of flutters invaded her stomach. With every step, she swore her heartbeat grew louder, soon pounding when she neared the group of survivors huddled around the exit.
Unlike the others, Lucy didn't have a weapon, her hands tucked in the pocket of her hoodie, her teeth chattering more from nerves than the cold. As they approached spring, a few warm days had peeked through the cold, but today wasn't one of them.
She kept her eyes down as she stood outside of the group, waiting for further instructions. Lucy ignored the voice in the back of her head telling her to turn away, to go back to her safe job on base. Maintenance wasn't a challenge, but that was precisely what pushed her into making the decision to be a runner.
That, and wanting to prove to herself she wasn't that weak girl anymore.
However, even with that determination in mind, Lucy felt nothing but fear when she heard someone shouting names, taking roll call.
Her voice nearly died in her throat when she heard her name, giving a meek, "Here," before pushing her arms closer to her body, wanting to feel secure.
When all the names were called, Erik perched himself on the tailgate of a truck so everyone could see him. "Clearers, you're with me. Runners, follow Rogue."
Lucy hesitated when everyone started moving, their motions fluid. Her eyes locked on Rogue through the flocks of people, putting one foot in front of the other to make her way to her destination.
That was, until someone pushed past her, knocking against her shoulder, causing her to stumble. He walked off, not bothering to say a word to her. She blinked, stunned by the rudeness, only to jolt when someone shouted next to her, but his words weren't directed her way.
"Watch where you're going asshole!" Hibiki yelled, chuckling when the guy gave him the middle finger before climbing into a truck, joining the clearers. "Don't mind Ryan," he said, giving Lucy a smile. "He's a douche. Not worth your time."
Relief worked its way through Lucy as internally she cheered. 'An ally!'
"Did I... do something wrong?" Lucy asked, struggling to appear unbothered by that stranger's actions, thankful her shaky hands were hidden.
"Absolutely not," Hibiki said, nodding towards the nearest trailer. "Come on, let's go."
Lucy almost tripped on her first step, momentarily forgetting how to walk. She practiced even breaths, but her pulse jumped when Hibiki spoke again, shedding light to that random man's behavior.
"I'm guessing you don't recognize him," Hibiki started, the two sitting at the end of the trailer. It was large, big enough to carry a car if Lucy had to guess, though she wasn't an expert on hauling things.
'Yet.'
"I don't," she admitted, furrowing her brows. "Sh—" She took a deep breath, reminding herself of how far she had come. Sure, she was nervous starting her first day as a runner, but she had been training for it, yearning to pull her weight at Fairy Tail.
Now was her opportunity, and she couldn't let her nerves ruin her chance.
"Should I?"
Hibiki shook his head. "Nah. He's no one special. He's one of the guards that got himself fired after they assaulted you."
Instead of panicking, Lucy could only shake her head. "No?" she said, confusion slipping into her tone. "I think I'd remember something like that." She had never been physically harmed by someone at Fairy Tail, but apparently he didn't mean a typical assault.
Hibiki shrugged, picking at a cluster of dirt on his jeans before looking up. "Maybe assault is a strong word, but I heard him and the other guards handled you roughly. Back when you were quarantined because of Warcry?"
"Oh." Lucy's eyes widened, searching her brain for the memory. 'That's right. Three guards made me strip down to prove I wasn't bitten... Wow, that feels like a lifetime ago.' Time didn't seem to flow like it used to, some parts passing in the blink of an eye while others felt drawn out.
Lately Lucy's time had felt longer, every hour stretched to the limit. She told herself she was imagining it, but every day felt longer than the last, ever since Natsu and the others left for Hargeon.
'I hope they're back when we're done here,' she thought, forgetting about what Hibiki said for a moment before he cocked his head at her, waiting for an answer.
"I remember," she mumbled, one hand coming out of her hoodie's pocket to rest over her arm where a large scar marred her skin. She hadn't been as bothered by her marks recently, but she could recall how traumatized she felt being yelled at and forced to get naked in front of three strangers with guns.
She swore her chest tightened as a chill ran through her, remembering the fear and shame they instilled in her, even after Yukino had come to her rescue.
If she had made one wrong move that day, she wouldn't have survived. They were trigger-happy, and Makarov was right to remove them from their positions.
"I guess he's mad... because I got him fired," Lucy whispered, causing Hibiki to shake his head.
"You can't think of it that way," he said, voice gentle with a soft, reassuring smile. "You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't your actions that were ridiculous. From what I heard, what they did was uncalled for and extreme, and it's a good thing they were fired before something seriously bad happened."
After a pause, he continued. "I'm sure they regret it. We all make mistakes, but if someone's going to be a guard and carry a weapon on base, they need to be level-headed, even in stressful situations. Clearly they weren't capable of keeping their cool."
Hibiki narrowed his eyes, but Lucy knew his frustration wasn't directed at her, even though his tone made her shiver. "Talking about you was unacceptable. It was uncalled for and disgusting behavior on their part. I'm glad they're not guards anymore."
He looked her straight in the eyes as he said, "They got themselves fired."
Then with a sigh, he calmly added, "Just like I got myself fired from receiving for my actions. We have to take responsibility. Own up and take accountability, but what happened with you, that's not your fault, so don't let anyone treat you less because of their mistakes."
"Easier said than done," Lucy mumbled, ready for a subject change. "What'd you do to get fired?"
"Made out with Karen while at work," he said, managing his smile despite the twitch in his cheek.
"Ah. Yeah, that'll do it." Lucy resisted her urge to frown, wishing she could ease the pain in his features. Hibiki was a nice guy, a little prideful and flirty, but sweet and soft. She couldn't say for certain if Karen was a good match for him, but she knew the constant back and forth wasn't good for either of them.
One day Karen didn't want anything to do with Hibiki, casting him aside. The next, she was inviting him into her room and Lucy wouldn't hear from Hibiki for a few days before the girl broke his heart all over again.
He had said he was finished with her, but that had been said a few too many times, and her friend still hadn't stuck to his word.
Last Lucy heard, Hibiki was back with Karen, and if it wasn't for them working together, she was sure she wouldn't have seen him until Karen was tired of him again. If history told her anything, it wouldn't be long.
Lucy didn't want to judge, but both seemed to have issues. Then again, who didn't? Even before the outbreak people were making mistakes and trying to better themselves. It was a vicious cycle, one the apocalypse didn't seem to break.
Lucy took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air and sounds of the engine as they moved down the road. The ride was bumpy, but she didn't mind. She never cared much for riding around before the outbreak, but if she closed her eyes, she could swear things were normal again. They were just a bunch of people going for a joyride, but as soon as she opened her eyes, the fantasy vanished.
Lucy yawned, wondering if she should have waited until Thursday to do the job shift. Today was her usual day off, but she skipped it in favor of switching to a runner earlier.
"Get enough sleep last night?"
Lucy shook her head, remembering how restless she had been. A hint of a smile crossed her face when she realized it had been a long time since she woke up from nightmares. Lately if she dreamed, it had been random nonsense, mostly a mixture of her job in maintenance with small occurrences she had with her friends.
A few nights ago she dreamed she was in high school with Erza as the teacher, which had made the redhead laugh when Lucy told her about it.
After a long blink, Lucy whispered, "Too nervous to sleep." She adjusted herself, failing to get used to the wooden boards beneath her that ran across the trailer.
Hibiki nodded, resting his chin against his knee as he got comfortable. "I hear ya. Don't fret it. I was nervous my first time, but it's way easier than I thought. The biggest worry is if a zombie shows up, but as long as they don't, it's a piece of cake."
Sighing, Hibiki added, "I miss cake. My birthday's coming up next month."
"Oh really?" Lucy perked up, managing a smile. "How old are you turning?"
"Twenty-five on April twenty-fifth. It's my golden birthday."
"Golden birthday?" Lucy asked, causing him to nod.
"It's when you turn the same age as the day you were born. When's your birthday?"
"July first," Lucy said, not minding if he knew. It wasn't like there was much they could do nowadays. Cake wasn't something they could easily make. She was sure they could find the mix for it, but the eggs were a different story.
A fond smile found Lucy when she thought of her childhood, out on the farm with her father teaching her how to tend to the chickens. That had been one of her earliest memories, her family closer than they ever were before her father struck oil, which led to riches and fame, but also distance and unrealistic expectations.
Despite the way things turned out, Lucy's heart warmed at those early memories. Things were simple back then. She had no worries, no fears of the world. It was just her, her dad, and her mom doing their best to make an honest living. They were a family, but all things were made to come to an end.
"That sucks," Hibiki said, causing Lucy to raise a brow before realizing she forgot their topic. She almost cursed herself. How often had she zoned out while someone was talking, caught up in her own thoughts?
'Stop it! Just listen for once!' She leaned in an inch, giving Hibiki her undivided attention. What was the point in having friends if she didn't make an effort to connect with them?
"You were one when you had your golden birthday, so you couldn't really— Well," he shrugged, "I guess I can't really do anything for mine either." Hibiki paused, his eyes growing dull for a second before he cheered himself up. "My dad was going to bake me an awesome cake, but I guess that's not gonna happen."
"Sorry," Lucy whispered, but he shook his head.
"Don't be. I'm not that upset, it's just," he paused, his smile a little heavier. "I kind of am, but I don't want to be sad about it. I'd like to hold onto the good memories. It's nice, talking about the way things used to be. Even though my old man can't be there for my birthday, it still feels good remembering us talking about it. It makes things hurt a little less, you know?"
"I think I do," she mumbled, eyes falling, watching the road shifting beneath them through the planks of wood. Lucy held fond memories too. If she focused more on the good instead of the pain, maybe life would be more enjoyable?
"I just don't want to be bitter about the way things are now," Hibiki said, Lucy tipping her head up to see the faraway look in his eyes. "We can still reminisce. Maybe one day it won't even hurt when we think about the way it used to be."
Lucy gave a soft nod before looking around at the others with them. There were three vehicles total, all trucks carrying trailers. She recognized a few faces in the trailer she was in, specifically Droy and Lyon. Gray's brother made no effort to acknowledge her, but Droy gave her a small wave when they caught eyes, Lucy biting her inner cheek as she returned the gesture.
She had a feeling Levy told Droy to keep an eye on her, the girl expressing her concerns about her new job a few times before accepting Lucy's decision.
Erza, Jellal, and Cana had been more open about the idea of Lucy changing jobs, but they held their own worries, telling her to be safe and smart while off base.
Lucy's eyes widened when the truck slowed. The truck behind them did the same, but the one ahead kept its speed, meaning that it was full of clearers going to hunt zombies.
Blinking, Lucy took a second to look at the people around her before whispering to Hibiki, "Those guards, who got demoted..."
"Yeah?" He raised a brow, giving her his full attention even after they came to a stop.
"Are they runners?"
He shook his head, easing Lucy's newest concern. "Nah. They were for like a month, but two switched to clearers while the other's now on water duty. Makarov made great examples outta them. From what I hear, not one guard has abused their power since then."
After a pause, he added, "Not that they really abused it before, just saying."
Lucy nodded, taking a deep breath. Her chest constricted when people started standing, ready to start their work. Despite the cold, Lucy felt herself sweating as she stood, climbing out of the trailer carefully to make sure she didn't trip.
When she felt anxious, slowing down was the best solution, otherwise she was bound to stumble over her words and feet, and she didn't want to make a fool out of herself on her first day.
Once settled, she returned her hands to her pocket to keep them from fidgeting, that ball of anxiety working itself into knots as she struggled to find her place, following Hibiki.
Lucy had to do a double take when she saw a line of shopping carts along the road, her confusion growing on her face as Hibiki led her towards them.
The man grabbed a cart, telling her to do the same. "It'll help load the trailers, that way we're not carrying as much." He smiled, trying to easy Lucy's nerves, but it didn't work. "Work smarter, not harder."
She managed a nod, gripping the handle to her shopping cart before they joined the others in the middle of the street where Rogue was standing. He was in charge of them, and judging by his sharp eyes, he didn't take his position lightly.
His rifle hung off the strap around his chest, eyes flitting around until everyone was gathered. "I'd like to introduce you to a new runner. Lucy," he started, gesturing to her. "We're pleased you want to help. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. We're all out here because we want Fairy Tail to be stronger. We're a team first and foremost, got it?"
Lucy nodded, blushing at the multiple pairs of eyes on her. "Y-yeah," she mumbled, fingers digging against the handle to keep her face from revealing her fears.
Every gust of wind, every crisp sound that came from a leaf being stepped on... It was alarming. She felt herself pushing outwards, trying to sense all around her.
Being outside without any fences protecting her, Lucy realized she was really putting herself in danger. At any point a zombie, a crazed person, or animal could come after them, and there was little she could do to stop them. She knew it before, accepting the risk, but saying and doing were two different things.
The only thing stopping her from turning around and running back to Fairy Tail, was the people around her. While she had no experience with zombies, they did, and they were still standing.
If they could do it, why couldn't she?
Lucy gulped, doing her best to look unfazed until Rogue took the attention off her, pointing at individuals before telling them which houses to search. Lucy was surprised most got two houses, wondering how it was possible to empty them that quickly.
"Good luck," Hibiki said, nudging Lucy's shoulder before running off to a house on the right, entering it as if he wasn't intruding in someone's home.
That had been Lucy's problem when Rogue told her to follow him, a frown etched on her face when she saw the open porch with a pink plastic swing out front. The welcome mat was worn, 'Wipe your paws' faded on the material.
She swallowed, heart heavy as Rogue reached for the door.
They were about to barge into someone's world, a place they had made their home, and they were essentially going to loot from them.
Her gut told her it was wrong, but she did her best to remind herself the people who lived there were most likely dead, though that didn't bring her much comfort.
"Our first priority is food and water," Rogue said, twisting the knob to open the door. "The clearers leave the doors unlocked when they remember, otherwise we have to go through the broken windows."
Lucy looked over, noting the glass in the living room, covering the TV stand and knocked over TV. She ignored the stale air, the house abandoned for some time.
"Doesn't smell like there were any undead in here. That's a relief," Rogue said, leading Lucy to the kitchen. "Alright, let's hope they stocked up."
"R-right," Lucy whispered, unable to strengthen her timid tone. Her voice caused Rogue to stop in the hallway before turning, raising a brow. She tensed, something he caught before he shook his head.
"You know, there's no reason to be nervous."
"I'm not," she lied, but it didn't matter. He wasn't buying it.
"Come on," he said, voice gentle. He didn't mock her, didn't rush. Rogue kept his patience, even after explaining their process for emptying a house.
Food and beverages went first, then medical supplies, toiletries, clothes, bedding, and tools. If there happened to be a weapon, they were to keep that out for last, that way it could be turned into the arsenal first.
"When you're ready, you'll get a house for yourself, maybe two if you're fast enough. Until then, you'll help me." He set his rifle on the kitchen counter before taking off his jacket, a black long-sleeve shirt still adorning his slender frame. "I'm going to check the garage for tools. Fill trash bags with all the food unless it's moldy. I'll check on you in a bit."
"What if it's expired?" Lucy asked, eyes wide when he made a move to leave. Her heartbeat seemed less rapid when he stopped, her eyes wide with uncertainty.
"Don't worry about expiration dates," Rogue said, turning again, but Lucy couldn't help but speak up.
"What do I do with the bags I fill?" she asked, not catching the way Rogue's eye twitched.
"You can leave them by the front door or take them out to the trailer. Doesn't matter either way." He barely moved before Lucy started again, but he cut her off. "Just, fill the bags. It's pretty simple."
When she said nothing, only stared at him, he sighed. "You'll do fine. I'll be back soon. Just, fill the bags."
"Okay," Lucy rushed out, feeling lost despite the easy instructions. As Rogue left the kitchen, Lucy took a moment to collect herself.
'I got this. This is no sweat, just like moving, but without the sturdy boxes. Just fill the bags. Yeah, that is pretty simple.'
She took a long, deep breath before she went for the cabinets, trying to locate some bags. After going through a few, she found a box, breathing as evenly as she could muster while her heart beat wildly.
"Why am I so nervous?" she mumbled to herself, busying herself with opening the bag before setting it on the floor. "I got this," she said, deciding to start at the far end of the cabinets.
"Oh... That's gross," she grimaced, inspecting the hoards of meal flies in the first cabinet, the bugs making their nests around all the cereal.
Ignoring the infestation, Lucy opened each box, determining which ones were tainted and which could be salvaged. She went through each cabinet, mind muddled as her thoughts jumped from 'Everything's fine', to, 'I should have stayed in maintenance.'
Lucy was on her third bag when she pushed a box of granola bars inside, coming too close to the side. She didn't notice the rip, everything spilling out as soon as she lifted the heavy bag to bring it outside.
Her heart wasn't the only thing that fell, a loud crash sounding as glass broke, the unopened jar of pickles ruined as they splashed over the tile floor, soaking everything else that fell on the ground.
Lucy's jaw dropped as her body stilled, the doubt in her head overwhelming as it chastised her for making a mess.
'You're only going to hold everyone back. What are you even doing? This is the simplest task, and somehow you managed to screw it up.'
Tears welled up in her eyes, partially because she made a mess, but mostly because it seemed things were starting to get out of her control again.
She couldn't handle a bag, and now she couldn't handle her emotions as a tear fell. Lucy felt ridiculous for crying over something so trivial, but that didn't dull the pressure building in her temples or chest.
"Lucy?" Rogue called, summoned to the kitchen when he heard a crash. He looked down, realizing the problem. "Are you injured?"
Lucy shook her head, eyes slamming shut as she prepared for Rogue to repeat the words echoing in her head. But instead of a harsh punishment, Rogue simply pulled back the torn trash bag before picking up the dry items first, saving the wet and glass-covered for last.
When Lucy heard him working, she peeked an eye open, shocked he was cleaning her mess without so much as a snide remark.
"I'm s-sorry!" she blurted out, throat tight as she bent down, holding her shaky hands to do something, but she didn't know how to help without possibly making it worse.
"It's okay," Rogue said, voice calm as he looked up.
Lucy shook her head, tears beading at the corners of her eyes as she swallowed. "I-I messed up. I wasn't... wasn't thinking. I'm..." Lucy's chin wobbled as she struggled not to cry. The fact she was getting so worked up over it didn't help, aware she was overreacting, but it didn't settle her shaky nerves. "I'm s-sorry."
"You really don't have to apologize," Rogue said, giving her a glance before continuing with the mess.
"I... I'm just, I'm sorry." She held in a cringe, wishing she could say something else. She could see a flash of irritation on his face, but he smoothed over the emotion as quickly as it appeared.
"I'd rather you didn't say sorry. I already said it's fine."
Lucy had to press her lips into a tight line, knowing the words wanting to escape would agitate him. Her resistance caused her to make a whine in her throat, catching Rogue's attention.
"Are you okay?"
No. She was not okay.
Lucy was currently playing through different ways Rogue could fire her. If she couldn't manage to bag food, what good was she as a runner? How was she supposed to contribute to Fairy Tail when she messed up such a simple task?
Rogue watched her face for a moment before sighing. "You can talk to me. I'm not going to scold you or anything."
Lucy's teeth hurt from clenching, but she managed to loosen her jaw. "I-I... I just can't... b-believe I made a mis... mistake like th-that."
She could see the tension in Rogue's features as he listened, the man soon shrugging. "Well, just look at it this way. You passed your human test."
"What?" Her forehead wrinkled as her brows darted in, not expecting that.
"We're humans. We're bound to make mistakes." He looked down at the ground before gesturing towards the mess. "This doesn't even feel like a mistake. It was just an accident. It's not like you're the first runner to spill something."
"But, it's only th-the morning, and I've already... screwed up."
Rogue didn't bat an eye, not wanting to encourage her self-doubts. "Then, I guess you're getting all your mistakes out of the way early then?"
Lucy stared, eyes still watery but the need to get those icky emotions out lessened the softer his voice became. He wasn't there to tear her down. She didn't know why she thought he would be, Rogue exercising patience even when she wasn't patient with herself.
"There's no need to beat yourself up over this. It's not like you meant to break the jar, right?"
"Right." Lucy's voice rendered down to a whisper, feeling both relief and frustration. Rogue was trying to help, show her she didn't need to be upset over the mistake. However, she didn't appreciate it at the same time.
He was talking too softly to her, like she was a scared animal he was trying to coax out of hiding. Natsu had done the same, treating her like she was fragile, but she couldn't blame either man.
She was acting fragile, letting her emotions and fears control her.
Lucy wanted to regain control, to have her own voice, her own actions, and her own feelings without letting fear hold the reins.
After a pained swallow, she wiped the tears out of her eyes. "You're right," she said, sucking in a breath of air before slowly exhaling. "I'm fine."
Her fingers shook, her chest and neck decorated with a splotchy flush, but she was okay. "Just got... o-overwhelmed."
"It happens," Rogue said, keeping his eyes on her. "There's a lot more pressure out here than on base. How about you take a break? To help calm down? Grab something to eat and be back in ten?"
"Eat?" Lucy asked, furrowing her brows. Natsu and Hibiki had said they received extra food when they were runners, but she assumed that meant during lunch. Even though it felt like her stomach was empty, she had eaten breakfast recently. More food seemed unnecessary.
"Yeah," Rogue started, looking through the mess on the ground before picking up a bag of cheesy popcorn. "It's probably stale, but this should help."
When Lucy didn't move, he nudged it towards her again. "Seriously. It's your first day. You're bound to be frazzled. Go on, take a moment to collect yourself, then when you come back you can try again."
Lucy wanted to argue with him, to tell him she was fine, but she couldn't lie. With a small nod, Lucy accepted the snack, her muscles tight as she walked into the living room, relieved as soon as she was away from her mess.
After a sigh, Lucy sat on the couch, reading the front of the bag to keep her mind distracted. She didn't want to face herself, to admit she wasn't ready for the job like she thought.
She had trained and struggled to improve, both mentally and physically, and all it took was one mistake to make her lose what little confidence she had built.
'Every lesson has a price. Some cost more than others. What if next time the mistake costs more?'
She lost a jar of pickles, but what if next time someone's life was on the line? What if she had the opportunity to help someone, but came up short, and they died?
Weight settled on her heart, Lucy's mind conflicted. Should she back out now? Return to maintenance because she felt she wasn't ready, or should she take the risk and stay, hoping she'll get better?
Without messing with her snack, Lucy stood, forcing herself back into the kitchen to get someone else's opinion.
It wasn't right for her to take the risk when it meant someone else might get hurt, so she consulted an expert, the man in charge of the runners.
"Rogue," she started, her voice shaky but heard, the man glancing up before picking the last big piece of glass off the floor.
"Yeah?"
"I'm not sure if I'm ready," she admitted, regretting it as soon as the words left her mouth. She didn't want him to believe she wasn't ready either, but what could she do? She was confused and worried, and the more she thought about it, the worse she felt.
"What are you saying?" Rogue asked, standing before wiping his hands on his jeans. "Do you want to go back to your old job?" There was no accusation in his tone, no disappointment. He was ready to hear her out, but Lucy didn't know if he would like what she said.
"I don't want to waste anyone's time," she rushed out, clenched her teeth before sucking in a sharp breath. "I... I do want to be here, but I'm... I don't know, if I'm ready for it. I want to be," she said, eyes pleading for him to believe her.
"I really want to be a runner, and I think I'd be good at it, I'm just not sure I'm... ready."
"Well," Rogue started, furrowing his brows a bit. He didn't seem to follow her train of thought given the status she was in. "That's why you're in training?"
When Lucy didn't respond, he continued. "I may be wrong, and let me know if I'm overstepping, but it seems to me you're putting too much pressure on yourself."
Lucy allowed herself to consider his words, wondering if he was correct. "I... just want to do a good job," she said, now unsure what a 'good job' was in that field.
"I think you're doing fine so far," he said, cocking his head. "I don't mean to burst your bubble or anything, but you won't be an expert at this right away. No one's ever perfect their first day, especially when it comes to being a runner. I mean, there's not exactly a manual on this kind of thing. We're just all out here, trying to get as many supplies as we can to bring back to base."
"But—" When Lucy opened her mouth, he held up a finger, letting her know he wasn't finished. She nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"You're not the first one to break something out here, and you won't be the last. You're nervous, that's clear. Did it occur to you I asked you to go take a break for a reason? I need you to ease yourself so you can try again, but instead you come back more uneasy than before. You were gone, what? A minute, two at most?"
His voice grew solid, his words not hard but no longer gentle. "If you don't think you're cut out for this job, okay, but from what it sounds like you're not ready to quit. So, if you'll please go take a break, eat something, then try again."
His dark eyes eased up, but he didn't coddle her. "You say you're not sure you're ready, and I agree. That's why we do as much training as we can now to ensure everyone knows how to do the job before they're on their own."
After a pause, he sighed. "Trust me, I get it. You wanted to come out here and prove to yourself you could handle it all, but the reality of it is we're all confused and lost and nervous. Even I'm nervous, and I've been doing this since the beginning, but until you're ready, you'll be stuck with me in training to keep you safe, so please—"
Rogue gave her a dry laugh, looking frustrated but contained. "Go take a break."
Lucy's mouth gaped for a second, but she quickly nodded and turned away. He was getting annoyed with her, and she understood why. How was he supposed to do his job if she kept bothering him over silly things.
Of course she wasn't going to be a superstar her first day. It was ridiculous for her to think so. He was right. It was her first day, and she was in training.
She wasn't ready. He knew it, and Makarov knew it. That was why she was paired with a professional of sorts.
Her conversation with Makarov rang in her ears, the woman taking her seat on the couch again before ripping into her bag of popcorn, throwing the first into her mouth before closing her eyes.
She had told him she was ready to give it a try. Perhaps she had hoped she would be a natural, strong and independent when she took her first step off base.
Her expectations for herself had been too high, which Lucy found good and bad.
While she shouldn't have expected so much from herself, it also showed she thought she could do it. Her confidence had been high, but a healthy dose of reality knocked her down a few pegs.
Lucy took a deep breath, then another, allowing her to tone it down. She was just a human, no doubt about it.
The amount of tears and blood she had shed since the outbreak started ensured she was not a robot, just a human. She had her flaws, but she also had potential.
'I can do this,' she thought, careful not to hype herself up too much.
She didn't think her heart could handle the stress, the organ beating wildly while she munched on her popcorn, which unfortunately was very stale, but she still got a hint of cheddar here and there.
After taking a break that felt closer to fifteen minutes, Lucy got up, ready to give it another shot.
Rogue was no longer in the kitchen, but she preferred that. She got back to work, grabbing another trash bag before reaching for the cupboards, her expectations in check as she set out to complete her task.
Filling the trailers had been an odd experience, but Lucy felt a sense of accomplishment every time she brought another shopping cart worth of stuff to the streets to add to the pile.
When one trailer filled up, it drove back to Fairy Tail, allowing them to fill the second before the first returned for the next round.
Round and round the cycle went, Lucy doing her part as she moved on from food and went to clothes, grabbing every clean article she could get her hands on. She hadn't seen Rogue for a while, assuming he was outside like before, but when Lucy moved on to the last room on the left of the house, she realized she had been wrong.
She opened the door, jolting when she saw a figure.
There, standing in the middle of what looked to be a nursery, was Rogue. He faced away from her, hunched over a crib. Lucy's heart sank as dread filled her, wondering if the clearers hadn't done a thorough job.
Her stomach twisted at the thought of an undead baby lying in that crib, but when Rogue turned around, she wasn't met with a face of disgust or anguish.
Instead, his features were pulled into a bright smile, red eyes almost twinkling as he said, "Isn't this the cutest?!"
Lucy blinked, mouth parting as she looked at his hands, seeing him hold a pink onesie with black spots on it. Her silence was met with Rogue showing her the hood on the jumpsuit, looking like a frog costume.
"I wonder if Frosch would let me put them in this?"
"Frosch? Your... cat?" Lucy asked, forehead wrinkling as she tried wrapping her mind around what was happening.
Rogue, the man who seemed dark but had a gentle side, was actually more of a softy than she originally thought? He looked almost adorable, in awe over the little outfit he wanted to stick his cat in.
Lucy couldn't see that ending well, imagining the scratches on Rogue's arms as he tried putting it on his cat.
Raising a brow, Lucy realized she had never seen Rogue's arms. They were always in longer sleeves, but considering it had been cold, she didn't think that was odd. 'I bet he's just as pale under his sleeves as his face is.' The only dark feature she could see on his skin was the scar running over the bridge of his nose, looking a few years old if she had to guess.
They weren't like hers, now closer to her skin color instead of pink like they had been when they were newly-healed.
Shaking away that random train of thought, Lucy cleared her throat, snapping both of them out of their daze. "I um, came to pack up this room."
She looked around, her stomach sinking as her eyes flitted from the crib to the mobile hanging above it, before glancing at the picture of a woman cradling her baby bump on the wall. "But if you want to, I can find something else," she started, biting back her frown when Rogue shook his head.
"Oh, go ahead," he said, folding the jumpsuit before sticking it in his pocket, earning a confused look from Lucy. "I'm going to ask Freed if I can have this, but I'm sure he won't mind. Runners and clearers get first picks after all."
"Right," Lucy said, almost forgetting that perk. She had seen a jacket that looked cute, but since she had a hoodie, she hadn't given it much thought. "Sure you don't want this room?" Lucy asked, arms growing numb as Rogue strolled past her to the door, unaware of the tension growing in her body.
"Nah. I'm going to do my rounds anyways. When I come back it should be time for lunch."
"Okay," Lucy mouthed, fingers shaking before she pressed them against her sides, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself.
'Just get it over with.'
She moved to the closet, assessing it for a moment before starting with the clothes on hangers. Brown eyes grew unfocused as she stuffed the trash bag full of onesies and little dresses, humming a song to keep her mind busy.
Anything to keep herself distracted from her task.
When Lucy moved to the dresser, she found herself staring at a green onesie. A sunflower with a smiling face adorned the center, soft ruffles stitched around the waist to look like a skirt.
"It's okay," Lucy whispered, nausea rising as she pushed it into the bag. She tried keeping her mind distracted, but by the time she reached the second drawer, Lucy needed a break.
Closing her eyes, she sat on the floor, facing away from the dresser before leaning back. She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself before taking slow, calming breaths. Lucy didn't know why she was getting so worked up.
It was over, no longer her concern.
The past was already written. She couldn't change what happened, but that didn't mean it had to define the rest of her life.
A lump formed in her throat as she pushed her feelings down. She could explore them when she was in a safe environment, in the privacy of Grandeeney's office. Right now, she was on the job, and she couldn't afford to get distracted.
She barely pulled herself up before she heard footsteps, head jerking towards the door just in time to see her boss.
"Lunch time in five," Rogue said, peeking his head in the room before disappearing again. Lucy wrapped up what she was doing before heading out to the street where everyone was gathering.
Her body felt icky, like she had just touched wet garbage and couldn't wash it away. Everything about her felt off, but the more distance she put between herself and those thoughts, the more she relaxed.
Being around a friend helped.
Hibiki met her outside at the end of the line, asking if she didn't like any of the food in her house.
"You can get your lunch from inside. If not, they have stuff. The people who lived in my house must have been vegetarians or vegans or something. Most of their stuff was fruits and vegetables, or stuff like beans and rice. I have more of a sweet tooth."
"I didn't know," Lucy said, trying to focus. "I um, I had a snack earlier."
"I really love how much food we get for this job," Hibiki said, not noticing the tension in Lucy's face. Or if he did, he didn't comment on it.
Lucy was thankful for that. She didn't want to lie and say everything was fine.
Or worse, explain herself.
"So, how're you liking your first day?" Hibiki asked after they received their food, making their way to the circle taking shape in the middle of the street.
Lucy remembered hearing about that strategy, everyone able to watch someone's back while eating, reducing the threat.
She settled on the ground before hunching over, knowing her posture had suffered post-outbreak. If her father were alive, he would frown and give her a scolding, reminding her to sit like a proper lady.
Her small smile didn't meet her eyes, a faraway look in them as she recalled the last few conversations she had with her dad before his life was stolen.
They had weeks to reconnect and make up for the lack of a relationship between them, but instead they remained distant, no heart-to-hearts shared despite the opportune timing.
A lot of things remained unsaid, unresolved issues that would never get closure.
There was nothing she could do about it now, only try to do better and—
"Hey!"
Lucy jolted when a hand waved in front of her, wide eyes looking to the arm attached before tracing it back to Hibiki. He was laughing, lips pulled in a grin as he asked, "You listening?"
"Sorry," she mumbled, blinking a few times as she worked to calm her rapid heartbeat. She had done it again, getting lost in her thoughts instead of paying attention to the world around her. "Um, yeah. My day. It's... it's fine."
"Think you're going to stick it out?" he asked, causing Lucy to nod.
"I think so..." A hint of a smile graced her lips as she met his gaze, humor slipping into her tone. "Though, I'm a bit surprised. For runners, I thought we'd do more running."
Hibiki chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah. It's more like, running errands. We're shopping... in a sense." He raised a brow before cocking his head. "Why? You disappointed?"
"A little," she admitted, itching for speed. It turned out the job was mostly packing. They were glorified movers without the proper equipment.
Lucy directed her focus on her meal, occasionally looking up to make sure no zombies were approaching. She had little experience with them, only having five encounters total.
The first day, when she fled the hospital with her father and Virgo.
The time Ivan terrorized Lucy by having her stand in the middle of three zombies tied to surrounding trees, taunting her with them.
The zombie she almost ran into when trying to escape the house Natsu had found her in.
Warcry. Enough said.
And finally, the zombie through the fence at Fairy Tail.
She didn't know what she would do when she came face to face with another one, but hopefully she had time to prepare herself.
Lucy pulled off her plastic glove before inspecting her hand, noting the bits of ink peeling. Even though it itched, she wasn't supposed to scratch, otherwise the color might fall out.
She left it alone, allowing it to breathe while eating her lunch, happily content listening to Hibiki talk about his morning until something caught her eye behind another survivor.
It moved quickly, coming out of nowhere before stopping, its dark eyes searching left and right before hopping back into a bush, Lucy's eyes straining to see the rabbit in the distance.
The brain was a powerful thing, Lucy tasting rabbit stew from memories alone. Her mouth watered at the thought, wishing she had the weapon her teacher had trained her with. He was the best, nicknamed Sagittarius for a reason. Her fingers twitched, wanting to pull, aim, and hit her target.
It had been a long time since she touched a bow, but she knew her muscle memory would kick in. She could almost feel it, the phantom aches setting in from a long day in the woods, hunting for survival.
"Are there lots of rabbits here," Lucy asked, cutting off Hibiki's story about the time he had to deal with a house that belonged to a hoarder.
"Uh?" Hibiki followed Lucy's line of vision, just in time to see another rabbit appear before seeking shelter in the bushes. "I guess?"
"Has anyone tried catching one?"
Her question made Hibiki laugh, shaking his head as he grinned. "They're a little fast. No point in even trying."
Lucy stared at the bushes, determination flashing in her brown eyes. "You don't have to be quick," she said, the gears in her head turning. There had to be a painting in one of the houses. All she needed was some picture wire and a stake, and she would be set.
Hibiki raised a brow, waiting for her to elaborate, but she never did. He shrugged, going back to his lunch. He looked over his chocolate bar before taking a bite. "Can't wait until it warms up. Think I'm going to get a tan this year."
"Oh yeah?" Lucy asked, setting her ideas to the side in favor of giving Hibiki her attention.
He nodded. "You should join me. We can go on the roof on our day off next time it's sunny."
"I don't know if I could pull off a tan," she said, glancing at the pale skin of her hands.
"I'm sure you'd look just as good," Hibiki said, causing Lucy's cheeks to warm. She didn't get little butterflies in her stomach, her heart rate barely increasing at the compliment. She knew he didn't think of her as more than a friend, and she preferred it that way.
In another time in her life, Hibiki would be a good contender for a match. He was her type, but she wasn't interested in going down that path again.
Pretty boys with too much confidence always seemed to break her heart, and she wasn't looking to damage the poor thing anymore.
However, despite knowing there was nothing going on between them, she didn't mind a little harmless flirting, pushing air through her nose as she shook her head.
"Well aren't you charming," she fired back, managing a coy smile.
Hibiki seemed to love getting a reaction, eyes lighting up. It was probably why he complimented every girl he saw. "I'm serious. Your beauty is almost blinding, like the sun. Which is why I think the sun would be good for you."
"I'll think about it," she lied, having no plans on shedding her layers, even when it warmed up.
While she was accepting her body, that didn't mean she wanted to show it off. She had just gotten to a point where she could exercise with Erza, Cana, and Levy without a jacket on, and that had taken a lot of courage on her part. She had worked herself up to it, but she wasn't ready to let others see her skin.
Hibiki smiled, mouth opening to say something else, but he was cut off when someone shouted, "Walker!"
All eyes searched, Lucy's wide as they locked on a runner pointing towards her side. Her head jerked, spotting the staggering figure emerging from between two houses, faint growls sounding as it drew closer.
However, before he could pose any real danger, Rogue came up on it, swinging a machete with precision and speed, slicing a chunk out of its leg before giving it another swift hit, hacking off the appendage.
The other leg was quickly severed from its body, one arm after the other joining the pile of limbs. Lucy watched in shock as Rogue dismembered the zombie, leaving behind its head and torso, wiggling on the ground as it snapped its teeth.
With a kick, Rogue pushed the zombie on its belly, rendering it helpless and virtually harmless.
That wasn't to say Lucy was going to go over and inspect it, even though her curiosity buzzed, remembering the time she was face to face with the walker at Fairy Tail.
She didn't get a chance to explore the memory, Rogue's head coming up, eyes scanning before they locked on her gaze, a smile twitching on his face. "Lucy," he started, goosebumps dotting her skin as he gestured. "C'mere."
A sense of dread washed over her, her stomach rolling as she forced herself on shaky legs, hesitating before moving forward. She swore someone else was in control of her body, her mind still stunned after seeing Rogue attack with such fierce grace.
She didn't know if she could ever achieve something like that, but suddenly she felt better about him training her.
Clearly, Rogue knew what he was doing.
.
.
.
In chapter 25 (so fucking long ago), a few guards terrorized Lucy, forcing her to strip so they could make sure she wasn't infected after Warcry turned, in case anyone forgot that part.
So, what do you think of Rogue this chapter? I'm basing him off the post-grand magic games, when instead of just being teammates, Sabertooth treats each other like friends/family. I think Rogue would see that everyone at Fairy Tail needed to work together, only strong as their weakest link kind of thing, so I think he would want to be patient and helpful when training. Now, he's human, and everyone has their limits and can get frustrated, which happened with Rogue in this chapter. I'm personally dealing with that now. I'm partially training another new girl (people don't last long where I work because the work is hard and the pay sucks). I'm trying to be patient, but it's beyond busy lately and I'm getting frustrated because she's been told certain things several times and she's just... not getting it. She's making mistakes that cost time and money. I wanna be patient, but it's hard sometimes, especially under pressure to do your own job well, which if you remember, Rogue is in charge of the runners, so he has a lot of responsibility. Anyways, what do you think of my portrayal of his character here? Yay or Nay?
Hibiki! Poor fool is in an on again off again relationship with Karen and Lucy's kinda sick of it, but hey, he's good company and he hasn't made her feel uncomfortable. Probably because he's genuinely a good guy, even if he's a little flirty. (Story is nalu, so no worries about them 'exploring' other options, lol)
Now, the most important question! What do you think of Lucy in this chapter? Girl thought she was going to be a natural, but how can anyone be a natural when it comes to killing the undead and looting? Hell, I worked at a Kmart for a few years, then got nervous on my first day at a different Kmart even though I knew the job inside and out. First days are hard.
At least the runners and clearers have come a long way since they first started, now properly training everyone so there's less of a chance they get injured or killed. She'll get there, she just needs to allow herself time to adjust to her new roles and responsibilities, and get used to killing, which I think would be the hardest thing in that type of world. People say they could do it without problems, and maybe that's true, but I don't think it would be that easy.
Alright, now that all that is out of the way, let me know what you thought of this chapter! I absolutely love hearing from you! Your comments, theories, and just general opinions make me smile, so thank you! Even telling me a particular scene you liked is awesome! Sometimes when I'm reading a certain sentence really sticks out and I let the writer know.
Up next, Chapter Fifty: or not?
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