Warning: Chapter contains violence.
*Chapter Fifty: or not?
(March 7th, 2018, Wednesday Noon)
"Lucy. C'mere."
Before Lucy got too far away from her spot, Rogue added, "Don't forget your glove."
She ignored the pounding against her chest as she pulled her glove over her hand, protecting her tattoo. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach, knowing what he was about to make her do.
It was what she wanted to do, but now that the opportunity presented itself, she wasn't so sure of herself.
Uncertainty and fear of failure kept her in her own little cage, Lucy surrendering control far too often. If she had any hope of regaining control, she had to seize it, overcome her obstacles.
The physical and mental ones.
"You're smart," Rogue started when she was closer, her eyes trained on the writhing thing on the ground. Her disgust and compassion raged a war within herself, her heart clenching at the thought of putting down a human, even if they weren't themselves anymore.
She hadn't understood the virus in the beginning. She thought the infected were confused, riled up and rabid. She hadn't once thought they were undead, even when she was Ivan's prisoner.
Honestly, Lucy thought they were delusional, hungry people Ivan had found and bound. There was plenty of hunger going around, and the people Ivan kept company with weren't in their right minds. It hadn't taken her long to figure that out, especially when Fla—
"I'm sure you can guess what's next," Rogue said, his words causing the flash of red to fade from Lucy's mind.
She swallowed, shoulders tense as she nodded. "Yeah."
He looked down at the zombie, then her. "So, they definitely won't all be like this, but since you're in training I'm going to ease you into it. I know my first kill was..."
Rogue's voice trailed off before he looked at the machete, thick blood sliding along the blade. A normal human's blood would drip quicker.
"Here."
Lucy watched as Rogue pointed the tip of the blade towards himself before holding the handle to her. She forced herself to react, wanting to seem sure in her actions.
"Too heavy?" Rogue asked, Lucy shaking her head at his question.
She turned the machete over a few times, getting used to the weight and grip. Its black handle looked like rubber, a looped string hanging off the end. On the back of the blade ran a series of jagged divots, presumably for sawing. The majority of the blade was black while a strip of the sharpest part was silver.
It felt good in her hands, like an extension of herself. She felt some power, the corner of her mouth quirking into a smile. That was, until she remembered her task.
Her face drained of color as she looked down at the zombie, throat tight while she sucked in a shaky breath. "Okay," she whispered, thankful the danger was low.
However, that almost made it worse. Had the zombie been coming after her, she wouldn't have to worry about right or wrong. It would have been self-preservation in that case. The creature at her feet was defenseless, just trying to survive in its own way.
"I don't think they feel anything," Erza had said, but that brought Lucy no comfort as she gripped the handle, staring right at the balding spot on the zombie's head.
For a brief moment, Lucy wondered if he had been insecure about his hair loss, but she couldn't do that to herself. The more she pictured the zombie below her as a person, the more her hand shook. She had to cast those thoughts away, even though part of her couldn't forget.
'That was a human,' she thought, attempting to swing the blade downward before stopping right before impact, cringing at the idea of cutting into a creature.
Sure, she had hunted before, but she always took down her prey from a distance. What she did then was for food. It hadn't felt good, but it did make it easier.
"There's no cure," Lucy whispered, causing Rogue to raise his brow.
"No," he said, crouching down to meet her gaze, but she kept it locked on the zombie. Sighing, Rogue added, "I don't know if anyone's working on one. I hope they are, but in the meantime, these things pose a threat to our survival. Lucy."
She looked up, brown eyes full of confliction as he spoke. "If you're going to be off base, you're going to have to learn how to defend yourself against the undead. There's no reasoning with them. Their minds are lost. If it helps, think of it as freeing them from their prisons. That's how I look at it."
Lucy took a deep breath through her nose before releasing it through her mouth, his words not helping. Her vacation house had been turned into a prison, and while she had considered ending her sentence herself, she was glad she hadn't. She had waited, and it paid off, Lucy able to escape.
What if a cure was on the way, but by the time it reached them all the undead were gone?
What if it was possible to bring them back to normal, but they were impatient and killed them all before it could happen?
Her mind started spiraling, Lucy jolting when Rogue spoke up, cutting through her thoughts.
"I know it's hard. I know I don't like doing it, but it's a necessary evil. We can't save them. They're already gone. Besides," he started, looking down at the hack-job he created.
"Do you really think he would survive if there was a cure? This one was the cleanest I've seen in a while. Most have their skin rotting, or broken bones sticking out of their skin, or even chunks of their body missing. I've even seen one with its guts hanging out, dragging along the street and it didn't seem bothered by it."
Lucy considered what he said, let it sink in. Her need for deep breaths seemed endless, Lucy greedily sucking in air before she nodded. "Alright."
Rogue stood, taking a step back to give her room. She remained hunched over, arm pulled back as she prepared herself to strike, but she hesitated again.
"If you're unable, you don't have to," Rogue said, no judgement in his voice, only patience. He wasn't going to force her to stay as a runner.
If she wanted it, she had to earn it.
"You can finish up today, then go back to maintenance tomorrow. I think—"
Rogue barely got the last word out before Lucy swung the machete with all her might, shocked when it cleared the skull and sunk into the brain, several inches deep.
The zombie's movements stopped in an instant, Lucy shocked before it set in.
"Oh my gosh," she breathed. Letting go of the machete, she fell on her butt, staring with wide eyes at the motionless creature.
It was dead. Completely dead.
There was no chance of it coming back, which only made the uncertainty of the situation worse, but she knew in the end it had to be done. If there was a cure, that was great, but Rogue was right. They couldn't wait around forever. They needed supplies, and there was no way to get them without killing some zombies.
"It wasn't alive," Natsu's voice rang in her head, her heart hurting much more than anything else that day. Tears pricked at her eyes, but she didn't dare wipe them away, drops of zombie blood on her gloves.
"It was already dead. Didn't think, didn't feel, didn't anything."
Rogue misinterpreted her tears, though she probably should have cried for the loss of a soul, the zombie never again able to take a breath.
'Do they even breathe?'
"You did good," Rogue said, grabbing the machete before twisting it to crack the skull, allowing him to pull it out without resistance. "For a weapon this sharp, you don't need to hit as hard, but when it gets dull you'll need to use that much strength."
Lucy almost laughed, surprised Rogue thought she had some strength, but she didn't comment. She took in what felt like the hundredth deep breath, wishing the rushing blood in her system would cool down.
Everything felt suddenly hot around her. She had gotten worked up, but now that the situation was over, she could allow herself to slowly calm down.
"When it starts looking dull, the people who manage the weapons will sharpen it with a wet stone. There's a ton of weapons, so when this one eventually breaks, you'll get issued a new one."
"Huh?" Lucy asked, mind cloudy as she watched him stick the tip of the blade into the dirt, giving her a smile.
"That's yours now," he said, his voice less gentle than before now that she had killed her first zombie. "Take care of it."
"Oh," she whispered, gripping the handle before looking down at the blood. "How... do I clean it?"
"I usually wipe it on the zombie's clothes. We have a bucket of rain water and some soap to get the majority off. The weapon handlers will do a more thorough cleaning if necessary."
"Okay," Lucy said, teeth clenching and nose wrinkling as she wiped the blade on the zombie's shirt, getting some of the blood off. "Do I... go back to lunch now?"
Rogue barely contained his snort as he shook his head. "Nope. Time for the gross part."
Lucy blinked, more in shock than anything. "That wasn't the gross part?"
"Afraid not." He looked down at the corpse before making eye contact with her. "Now you gotta move the body away from everything. We have a pile of them two blocks back. Just add him there. I'll grab his limbs."
Lucy's eyes rounded, jaw almost dropping as she thought, 'What the hell have I gotten myself into?'
"Ewww!"
Levy grimaced while Cana made an equal face of disgust as Lucy went into detail of how nasty it was moving a body. The weight of it alone had her exhausted by the time it was through, the sleeves of her hoodie ruined with blood, causing her to pick out a new jacket.
It was the same one she found earlier in her house. It was cute, the material soft for now. If she kept up her new profession, it wasn't bound to last long.
The extra perks from being a runner felt fair. She didn't have to wait until Tuesday to go to the commissary to refill on essentials. The instant gratification wasn't the only thing keeping her as a runner. When she saw all the items they had collected from just one day, she was sold.
No matter how hard, how gross, or how demanding the job was, she wanted to continue.
She had to allow herself time to get better, but her new determination flared in her chest as she told the two girls about the rest of her day, all the way until the moment she came into their room.
"Well my day was less exciting," Cana said, swishing around the water in her cup before sighing. "I'm getting really bored getting water every day. I'm thinking about making a switch."
"Oh?" Levy asked, Lucy cocking her head.
"Just thinking about it," Cana said, the trail growing cold, so Lucy and Levy assumed she was done with that subject.
"I can't believe you had to touch a dead body," Levy said, looking at Lucy again. "So gross."
Lucy shrugged. "I guess it's part of the job. It was heavy, but Rogue told me some exercises that'll help me with lifting, like pullups and squats." She managed a chuckle before pushing her bangs out of her face. "You should see my machete. It's kind of... cute."
When Levy raised a brow, she explained. "It's not huge like I thought it would be. It's only like, this long," she said, holding out her hands. It was a few inches longer than her elbow to her fingertips. "I think I'd do better with a bow or whip, but I doubt they'd be practical out there."
"I'm sorry," Cana started, leaning forward as she furrowed her brows. "Did you just say whip? Like the bedroom kind?"
"Wh-what?!" Lucy's face flushed as her skin overheated, the girl pinching the collar of her shirt to fan herself. "N-no, like... for driving livestock."
When both girls remained confused, Lucy swallowed. "My family... used to... umm—" She didn't know how much information she should reveal. The Heartfilia story was unique and public, and if she gave too many details, there was a chance they could figure out her identity.
She didn't think her family was responsible for the outbreak, but on the slim chance they were, she didn't want to risk them finding out her last name.
"They used to own a farm, and—"
"A farm?!" Cana's eyes widened as she leaned in. "Oh! I can picture it now! Little Lucy wearing overalls and a straw hat!"
Lucy couldn't hide her blush, shaking her head as she said, "I promise, it wasn't that special to see." Before her family came into money, she had worn clothes made for durability and comfort instead of fashion. Money had unfortunately changed Lucy when she got a taste of the luxurious life, forgetting where she came from.
"What did you grow?" Cana asked, causing Lucy to chuckle.
"I didn't grow anything. I was actually told to leave the crops alone because every time I tried to help, the parts I touched started withering away. I mostly just helped with feeding the livestock and rounding them up."
"Ah, I was hoping for something a little more exciting," Cana said, causing Levy to roll her eyes.
"What were you trying to say before?"
"Oh, I was going to say I learned how to use a bullwhip growing up." Before either could ask, she clarified. "We never struck the animals. We just used it to make a cracking sound to get them to move where we wanted. So it wouldn't do much against a zombie. I... I guess I could try to hit them with it, but I don't think it'd do much..."
She breathed in sharply, stunned from saying so much without getting jumbled up. Over the past weeks she had pushed herself to do better, be better. It was easier with less people around, but she was improving.
Sometimes she even joined in on the conversations at dinner, but rarely did she do so without stumbling over her words.
"That's neat," Levy said while Cana sighed.
"Too bad. I bet there's a lot of guys here that'd love to get whipped by you." She sent Lucy a wink that had her blushing again. "Maybe even a few girls."
"I-I think I'm f-fine when it, um, comes that th-that," she said, wanting to curse herself for getting flustered, but she couldn't carry too much blame.
Cana tended to say things that got Lucy like that, but thankfully that was all it was. Just teasing words, Cana never putting her hands on Lucy again after that first day.
"There's no one on base you like?" Levy asked, waving her hands in front of her when Lucy narrowed her eyes. "What?! I didn't say Hibiki!" She looked at Cana for back up. "Right? I never implied that."
"Is there anyone?" Cana asked, curious gaze set on Lucy.
The woman shook her head, doing her best not to picture warmth and a toothy grin. "No," she said, sounding convincing. She wanted to pat herself on the back. "Besides, who has time for that?"
Cana frowned, eyes falling to her water as she set it down. "True. It's hard to find love when the world is this shitty. There's not that many people to choose from anyways."
Just as Levy opened her mouth, Cana added, "I'm thinking of joining maintenance."
Levy tensed while Lucy blinked in surprise. "You are?"
Cana nodded, avoiding their stares as she feigned disinterest. "Macao mentioned he might need an extra hand now that you're not there anymore. He says you left some big shoes to fill."
Lucy felt her cheeks warming, but for a different reason. She didn't think she was that amazing at her job, but she had to admit, she did good. It had just gotten tedious. She was sure Cana would feel the same if she took Lucy's place in maintenance.
But working probably wasn't on Cana's mind, Lucy realizing it as soon as Levy asked, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
Cana's brows twitched inward before she relaxed, nonchalant as she said, "I think so. I heard Mavis has a plan to build tanks to gather more rain water, so they'll probably need less water gathers soon anyways."
Lucy noted Cana's foot tapping against the air, the girl restless while trying to maintain composed. "There's only so many containers for clean water right now anyways, so it feels like they won't miss one person."
"Her plan is to collect more water because they're going to build outdoor showers this summer," Levy started, tone cautious.
Lucy raised a brow, wondering how often Levy dealt with the conflict. Was it the first conversation revolving around Macao? Or had Cana and Levy circled that topic before?
It was obvious something was going on between Cana and the married man, but Lucy didn't feel she had the right to step into other people's business.
Levy, on the other hand, lived with Cana. She had the constant reminder that her friend was okay with such infidelities, and that had to complicated the matter.
Seeing it from that perspective, Lucy understood Levy's caution. If she knew Natsu was messing around with someone's marriage—
A sharp pain shot through her chest, Lucy's face twisting as she tried smoothing over it with calmer thoughts. There was no way Natsu would do something so insensitive. He hadn't even had his first kiss. What were the odds he would chase a married person?
'What if he finds someone on his mission?'
Lucy pressed her lips into a thin line, eyes squinting as she suppressed a reaction. Weight settled though her chest, like someone was pushing on her. Breathing became an issue for a few seconds while she adjusted herself, hand idly scratching over her heart where her pain resided.
'That'd be... good,' she thought, wanting happiness for her friends. If Natsu found someone, that would be a blessing. There were so few good things left in the world, it didn't make sense for her to be hurt by the idea he found love.
'What is wrong with me? Get a hold of yourself,' she thought, almost missing the glare Cana sent Levy over her dismissing her reasons for wanting a transfer, but that wasn't enough to silence Levy. She was trying to be gentle, but that only got her so far.
"Once those are running, they'll need more people gathering water. That'll be at least two showers a week per person. It adds up fast."
"They'll find someone else to do it," Cana said through clenched teeth. Levy's eyes narrowed, her patience and understanding worn thin.
"They shouldn't have to find someone else. You're perfectly capable of continuing, and—"
"It doesn't really matter who does it."
"I think you should reconsider," Levy started, her eyes pleading. "I think you're heading down a bad path. Macao doesn't care about how it's affecting you, and—" Both her and Lucy jolted when Cana stood, glowering at Levy.
"I don't remember asking for your opinion," Cana said, not waiting for a response as she left.
Levy's head hung the moment the door closed, a hand pressing against her forehead as she sighed. "Sorry," she mumbled, rubbing over her eyes. "I thought things were changing, but it seems he still has his hooks in her."
"Macao," Lucy whispered, causing Levy to nod. "I saw them... once," she said, giving no other details. Levy didn't ask for more.
"I just wish she saw how much damage she's doing. It probably seems fun and exciting, but he has a wife and son." Levy frowned, dropping her hand before staring at the ground. "His wife works in the commissary, so I see her occasionally. She just seems so... I don't know, defeated. You can just see it in her eyes."
"You think she knows?" Lucy asked, Levy only shrugging, leaving silence hanging between them.
It lasted for a solid minute, Lucy growing restless as her own experiences surfaced. With a sigh, she said, "I've... been cheated on."
Levy raised her head, surprised before her face softened. "I'm sorry."
With a small nod, Lucy fidgeted with her shoes. They were aluminum-toed, so no matter how much she pressed, she felt nothing on her feet. It was a good thing, seeing as she gripped the tip tightly, offsetting the burning sensation working its way through her system as she remembered.
"My fiancé," she started, almost rolling her eyes. "I should have known. We hadn't spoken in weeks. Only a few text messages here or there." Lucy's eyes fell to the tile between her and Levy, knowing the girl was giving every shred of attention she had.
Lucy wasn't oblivious. She had noted Levy wanted to be closer friends, wanting Lucy to open up. It had taken a while, but slowly, Levy had gained more trust. There was a chance she would analyse Lucy seeing as she wanted to be a therapist, but she took the risk, allowing Levy a glimpse of her past.
"I decided to surprise him." A small, humorless laugh escaped. "You never want to do that. Not when you're unsure." If she looked at her reflection, she would see the depth of her brown eyes, holding so much pain and regret. If she could shed it she would, but her heart was heavy. The hurt wouldn't fade that easily.
Tried-and-true, Lucy found talking about things helped, so long as she didn't reveal too much. While she felt powerless, she knew her truth was within her control.
If she didn't breathe life into it, she could pretend it didn't happen. Once she spoke it, then others knew, and she couldn't control it anymore. Maybe that was why she took so long to tell Natsu about Ivan and the others. She didn't want to admit it really happened, her stomach jerking at the idea they were roaming free.
While she wished Natsu would have come to her first, she was glad he told Makarov. She sure as hell wasn't going to do it on her own, and Fairy Tail felt safer now that they knew more threats existed beyond their walls.
The truth was a powerful weapon, but it could also be the key to helping her heal.
Lucy swallowed, teeth biting at the inside of her cheek before she sucked in a breath. "I didn't catch him doing anything awful," she said, a memory working its way to the forefront of her mind. "I was walking to his dorm when I saw him, sitting outside on the lawn with some girl."
"I'm sorry," Levy whispered, guessing where Lucy was headed.
"No need. I'm, glad, actually." A small, broken smile reached her face, but her eyes remained dull. "We were over before then. He was my high school sweetheart, and we got engaged too soon. I... I think his father pressured him into it. I know my dad wanted me to marry him. He had a promising career and a good family name. That's all my father cared about. Looks and status."
Lucy sighed, shaking her head. "Anyways, they were kissing, didn't even see me come up." Lucy's eyes dropped for a moment, her cheeks warming at what she was about to admit.
"I don't think violence is ever the answer. And I regret it, but I slapped him, right on the cheek when he tried to explain."
"There's no explanation," Levy said while Lucy nodded.
"I know. I wish I had told him that, but all I could do was take off my ring and throw it at him." Lucy scratched at her head before fiddling with her ponytail. She tightened it, her blonde locks tickling the back of her neck. "I haven't spoken to him since. He left messages, but I never returned them."
"Good," Levy said, giving her a reassuring smile. "Know your worth."
Another dry laugh escaped Lucy. "I wish I did, but, umm, things... they—"
She could feel it, her stomach and heart dropping, her fingertips growing numb. Her body gave her warnings, telling her to stop talking. She was on the verge of revealing too much, but, Lucy was tired.
She was tired of being ashamed of her past, of the consequences of her actions. Some were her fault, but others weren't. She was tired of living in fear of the truth.
The truth was meant to set one free, so why was she holding it so tightly, keeping it locked away in the darkest part of her mind?
"Things got bad," she whispered, feeling pressure behind her eyes, her throat tight like something was pushing against it. She smiled, trying to pretend the pain didn't exist. If she didn't give in to it, it couldn't hurt her, but she knew deep down she was only delaying the inevitable.
"I..." She was shaking. Not noticeably, but she felt it. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, protecting herself. There was no threat aside from judgement at Lucy's mistakes, but she knew. Levy wasn't there to judge her. Just like with Cana, she wanted what was best for her friends, wanted to understand and help.
So, despite her mind screaming for her to shut up—
Lucy spoke.
"Th-there was... a party." She breathed slowly, deliberately. Every word calculated, still fighting for control over the truth despite wanting it out. "I was upset," she admitted, shrugging, eyes fixed on the ground. "I mean, who... wouldn't be?"
"Understandable," Levy said, encouraging Lucy to continue without saying it outright, hanging on every word the blonde uttered.
"I... drank too much." Her stomach churned, feeling nauseous, just like she had that night. "It was a... a party for my p-parents. A two-for-one." Heartfilia Corps was celebrating their newest product passing human trials, and Lucy's mother was celebrating her birthday.
"I sh..." Her lips sealed before she tipped her head back, focusing on the ceiling before lowering, finding a spot on the wall to stare at. "I should have left... like my dad told me too, but—"
A charming smile forced its way into her head, but it only made her sick. It was a facade, a way to lower her guard. There was nothing charming about what that vile man did, Lucy almost glad she drank too much so she couldn't remember.
"I blacked out," she mumbled, eyes refusing to close in case the memory became clear. "I remember... He kept complimenting me, saying... saying how mature and pretty I was... He kept bringing me drinks, g-getting me to talk about myself. I didn't notice, how much I was drinking, until I felt sick. He," her cheek twitched, "said he was... h-helping me, but..."
In the corner of Lucy's vision, she saw Levy covering her mouth with her palm. It wasn't hard figuring out the puzzle when the pieces sounded all too familiar.
A girl gets drunk at a party, and a guy seizes his opportunity.
Lucy knew it wasn't only women who got taken advantage of, that men could also be the victim, but in her case she was the one violated. Small fuzzy clips of memories passed through her mind, but she didn't care to explore them.
"He brought me... to his h-hotel room," she said, remembering him pulling her away from the ballroom where the party was. She had insisted on finding a bathroom, but he said the ones downstairs were out of order, so she foolishly followed him.
If she had just left when she was told, kept away from the alcohol, she wouldn't have been taken advantage of.
'No. No, no, no.'
Grandeeney and her had gone over it. Lucy was not in a position to consent, so it wasn't her fault. He was the one who led her away. He was the one who took advantage of her. He was to blame. She made a lot of mistakes that night, but getting raped wasn't on her.
"I woke up later," she said, taking in a shaky breath. "He..." She shivered at the memory of looking over, seeing him passed out on the bed next to her. They were both naked, Lucy's dress ripped down the side. There was a used condom on the floor, Lucy remembering accidentally stepping on it on her way out of the room.
"I..." She blinked away the forming tears, not wanting to shed another one for what happened, but she also knew bottling her emotions wasn't the answer.
"I g-got out of there," she struggled, her stomach violently twisting. Lucy couldn't look Levy in the eyes. If she did, she knew she would shut down. There was no doubt in her mind.
"I tr-tried, pretending it didn't happen," Lucy said, eyelids growing heavy as she sank in her spot on the floor. "The m-man... He..." Her chest ached in a bad way, like a warning through her system. "He worked... for my dad. I avoided him... but, he k-kept showing up, to my school, when I was at... at the store. He... He was everywhere."
Lucy pressed her hand against her stomach, wishing she could calm the storm inside her. She never asked to be hurt, never wanted her control ripped from her. She just wanted to drink and forget about her ended engagement, numb the hurt, but that night led to nothing but pain.
When Lucy grew quiet, Levy whispered, doing her best not to pry but still get Lucy talking. "I imagine that was scary?"
Lucy nodded, a lump forming in her throat. "I-I wanted to tell my dad, b-but, I didn't want him disappointed, in me. H-he already was... because I broke thinks off with Lo— my fiancé. I didn't want to make it worse." She swallowed despite the pain, shaking her head as she shrugged, looking just as lost as she felt during that time in her life.
"I was... worried, that he wouldn't believe me. That I was... overreacting. I... For a long time, I th-thought I... was the problem. I thought maybe... maybe when I was drunk I did... c-consent, but—"
She knew now. It didn't matter what she said that night. She was not in her right mind, and he knew it. He took advantage of her and the situation, and then spent the next weeks pestering her with unexpected visits, flowers and gifts that only made her skin crawl, but what could she do?
"I f-felt, like if I made waves, m-my dad would get upset. Th-the man, he..."
Lucy squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, failing to collect herself. She snapped them open when a sinister smile met her vision, his face etched into her memory no matter how much time passed.
"J-Jose."
The name burned on her tongue as she said it, but once she did, she felt a little lighter. She was unpacking her baggage one pocket at a time, and even though it was a grueling process, it had to be done.
She wasn't going to unload all at once, each time taking an emotional toll on her. Smaller doses helped her maintain what little control she had over the truth, especially when she was allowed to pick who she had as her confidant.
"I thought... he was nice." A wave of sickness hit her, but she held in there. "He w-was a... He was important, t-to the company."
He was the head pharmaceutical scientist at her father's company, and that alone made Lucy terrified to tell her family. Jude spoke highly of Dr. Porla. Part of Lucy, thought her father wouldn't believe someone he respected so much would do something so heinous, especially when Lucy had a few instances where she had partied too hard in the past.
No time before had she been taken advantage of, despite getting drunk multiple times as a college student. It had nothing to do with what she drank or what she wore, it had everything to do with the people around her.
"M-my dad... He h-had a short temper then. He was st-stressed... about the... the company."
Heartfilia Corps was finalizing the last details in their product. Her father was busy preparing for the launch date. He didn't have time to clean up Lucy's mess.
Until it was too late.
"I... I realized, after... after a while, s-something wasn't right." Lucy tightened a fist on her jacket, wrinkling the material and turning her knuckles white, but it beat the pressure on her heart when she came face to face with the truth.
"Th-that night. I... I thought he used, pr-protec—" Lucy couldn't stop it anymore, her teeth clenching as the tears fell, the woman unable to hold back a sob that racked her body.
Before she could fall forward and let herself go, arms were around her, Lucy reaching out in an instant.
Only, instead of pushing Levy away, she held her, fists clinging to Levy's shirt as she cried. She pressed her face against Levy's chest as she released her pain, her anguish, and her regrets.
"It's okay," Levy cooed, rubbing a hand on Lucy's back. "Let it out. Get it all out. He can't hurt you anymore. You're safe here."
"It-it-it's n-not fair," Lucy cried, wishing she had been cautious the morning after. She had seen the used condom, assumed he had been safe with her, but she should have known better. Clearly he didn't respect her enough to get proper consent. What made her think he wouldn't rape her again that same night unprotected?
Lucy shook as she held tighter, wishing she had Levy with her back then. Her friends from college had abandoned her after that night, unable to deal with her 'moods'. As soon as she wasn't 'fun' anymore, they left, leaving Lucy to pick up the pieces while being harassed by her rapist.
He had toyed with her, gaslighting her into thinking they were starting a future together. She had tried keeping her distance, but that only seemed to make him try harder, pushing his way into her life despite her obvious fear.
"It's not fair," Lucy mumbled, throat raw and skin hot, her fingers gripping tighter.
"No, it's not," Levy said, hugging Lucy tighter. "You're strong. Don't forget that. You survived all your worst days. You're a fighter, Lucy. I can see it."
Lucy seethed, almost growling as she struggled with her tears.
"Don't hold back," Levy encouraged, tears running down her face. "Let it out."
Jose had made her uncomfortable, but she did her best to ignore it. He would eventually lose interest, she would tell herself, but he never seemed to take the hint.
He didn't want to leave her alone, and he tried to make it so she could never escape, his actions that night resulting in something far more damaging to Lucy's mind than anything she had experienced before.
A test.
A positive result.
A decision that had to be made.
"IT'S NOT FAIR!"
White hot rage burned through Lucy as she shouted, seething against Levy as the girl let her scream. That vile man stole her passion, her joy.
He stole her choice, forcing her to make a decision she should have never had to make. She never asked for it, never wanted to be put in that position.
He took and took, and left her with the hollow feeling in her chest after she finally came clean to her parents, leaving his name out of it as soon as her father had started yelling.
Blaming her, as if she had any control.
She had shut down after that, a shell of a woman left after the decision had to be made. It was made for her, her father's orders. He scheduled her an emergency appointment for an hour later to "Get rid of the problem", leaving no room for discussion.
Teeth gnashed together as her nails dug into Levy's shirt, but the girl didn't stop her. Lucy shook, feeling her anger slowly slip into defeat.
Lucy had put up no fight that day, her will stripped from her when she found out she was pregnant. She wanted kids, but not like that. Not that young, and certainly not by someone who had no respect for her.
She had laid on that hospital bed, mind foggy as the doctor explained the procedure, showing her the two medicines that would end it.
Lucy hadn't hesitated when it came down to the last minute, nodding to go through with it.
She never thought she would get an abortion. She was always safe, using a condom every time. She assumed Jose had used protection, but that positive result proved otherwise.
Jude ensured Lucy wouldn't have another 'issue', making her get the IUD to prevent further pregnancies.
The problem wasn't her actions. His 'solution' felt as helpful as putting gas in a vehicle and hoping it didn't get in a wreck.
She didn't care when it came to birth control. It was trivial. The hardest thing to swallow had been the looks she received from her parents afterwards.
Her mother's disappointment cut deep. Perhaps if Lucy had enough time to cope with what happened and was able to confide in her mother, those looks would fade and she would receive the compassion she longed for, but she didn't get enough time to process.
After the procedure, Lucy expected to feel relief, but things quickly got worse.
When Jose found out... That was when things turned violent.
Levy held Lucy close, letting her cry, shake, and cough until it was all out. She continued holding Lucy even after the girl's body had stopped, her sobs shifting into sniffles until finally she was ready to pull back.
She knew her eyes were red, the sting burning every time she blinked. Lucy somehow felt lighter and heavier at the same time, body slumped as she got her bearings, one hand on the ground to keep herself steady.
Lucy opened her mouth, ready to apologize for her outburst, but different words came out instead.
"Thank you," she mumbled, earning a soft nod from Levy.
"Yeah," she whispered, sad eyes looking over Lucy's face. "Anytime you need me, I'm here."
Lucy swallowed thickly before giving her own nod, wishing she could erase the last year of her life.
Though, if she did that, she wouldn't have encountered Fairy Tail, or the special people who had made themselves her friends.
She wouldn't say it was all worth it, that the trauma she endured had paid off, but she was thankful to have Levy, Natsu, Grandeeney, everyone in her life. They made the pain a little more bearable.
Natsu especially had been her rock, even before he knew her. When they met in that gas station, she had just endured the worst months of her life -so far, and she was feeling lower than dirt. Then, out of nowhere, he came to her rescue and showed her a shred of kindness, something she couldn't get from her own parents. He meant so much to her before she even got to Fairy Tail, and after that her bond with him grew.
Her friendships with everyone had grown stronger since her first day, and she hoped they continued to grow.
Maybe, maybe it was okay to let Levy in more. However, she didn't feel like continuing tonight, her throat raw and heart splintered.
"I'd like to go," Lucy whispered, throat scratchy, body and mind sore.
"Okay." Levy stood when Lucy got up in case she needed help. "I know it's a stupid question, but will you be okay?"
Lucy pressed her lips together, stealing a glance at Levy before nodding. "Y-yeah. I... Yes." She needed a moment alone, to collect herself. She didn't feel as empty as she had when she first started opening up about her past, but that didn't mean she felt good either.
Talking helped, but pain was unavoidable when reliving her past.
"Are you going to dinner?" Levy asked, causing Lucy to shake her head. "Can I bring you your food?"
Lucy thought about it, stomach feeling empty but her hunger wasn't there. "I'm not sure... if I'll eat. But, yes."
"Just in case," Levy said, earning a small nod. "Can I walk you to your room?"
Lucy didn't bother acting strong, shaky arm reaching out, her legs feeling like they might collapse from under her. "Please."
Levy didn't hesitate, offering Lucy an arm before helping. When they arrived, Lucy pulled out her key, eyes still stinging, but her vision wasn't blurred anymore.
"Have you considered doing water duty?" Levy asked, surprising Lucy with the question. "You'd still be helping the base, but with way less risk."
She blinked, brows furrowed for a second before shaking her head. 'Is she trying to leave on a better note?' Lucy wondered, but she didn't voice her confusion.
Mustering an uneasy smile, Lucy said, "My first day... was, surprising... But, I'm going to try to stick with it."
"Okay," Levy said, the concern clear in her eyes.
"I'd never be a clearer," she started, trying to lessen Levy's worry. "Runner though, it seems fine."
With a nod, Levy said, "Alright. Just know you always have the choice to switch to something less dangerous."
Lucy felt her smile soften. Even though her heart felt raw and her body ached, she was glad her path crossed with Levy's. Having a choice made her decision easier. She wanted to be out there, doing the most good she could.
Fairy Tail was her new home, and she wanted it to thrive.
"See you later," Lucy said, part of her worried she shared too much, but Levy didn't seem to hold any judgement. Only compassion and hope, which was exactly what Lucy needed.
"I'll be by with dinner later."
"I appreciate it," she said softly, unlocking her room before pushing the door open. She paused, looking back at Levy before whispering, "What I told you, please don't tell?"
Levy nodded before imitating zipping her lips. "Your secret's safe with me."
"Thanks." She gave Levy a final wave, wishing she had met her Fairy Tail friends sooner in life, before everything got out of her control.
Then again, did she ever really have control?
'Another day,' Lucy thought, tired of thinking.
As soon as the door closed behind her, Lucy let out a heavy sigh. She felt the exertion from the long day, and talking about her past had been emotionally taxing. It was always hard on her talking about the darker parts of her life, especially when she didn't expect it to come out. When she spoke with Grandeeney, she had time to prepare, but in the end, she felt better getting it out of her mind, even if trusting people with the truth was hard.
She didn't think as she made her way to the bed, climbing under the comforter before pulling it well above her head.
She welcomed the silence, but a noise more welcome were the soft mewls as Happy trotted towards her, climbing on her back before circling a few times. A watery smile made its way on her face when she felt Happy make himself a bed on her back, faint vibrations felt as he purred, content with her presence.
Lucy didn't dare move, not that she wanted to. She was right where she belonged, eyes slipping shut as she let her exhaustion beat her.
Today had been a wild ride, and she had a feeling it was only going to continue with its ups and downs.
She may not be ready, but that was okay. She had time to learn, to improve.
Tomorrow she was going to do better, but not as good as she was going to do the day after that.
She was going to get better because she wanted it, determination driving her forward. So many times she could have given up, lost hope and let it all end, but she was still there, still fighting.
Lucy wasn't going to allow herself to get knocked down.
Not over her cold, dead body.
.
.
.
I did warn there would be controversial topics before this story began. I'm pro-choice, and I read many stories of other people's experiences before starting this story. I know one person who forced a miscarriage, but I'm unaware if I know anyone who had an abortion. (I probably do, but they probably don't tell just anyone) Whatever your personal feelings on this topic are, just know I did warn in the beginning that there would be controversial topics. (This isn't the only one, there are more to come, actually another two controversial things when we revisit Hargeon) Please be respectful.
Anyways, some lighter research I did for this chapter! I've been testing knives/cleavers at work (I work at a meat market, kinda like a butcher but not exactly). I've been trying to see what can cut through bone. The average human skull is around a quarter of an inch, so around 6.75 millimeters, give or take a bit. It took me a few tries the other week to actually use my full force on cutting, because my brain kept telling me to hold back. After trying my best with a cleaver, I only got about 1/8 of an inch deep into a cow femur bone (bones people usually give to their dogs or make bone broth with), so only about halfway through what a skull would be. Then I bought a new machete and tried again. It sliced through that bone like it was nothing, and I didn't put half my force into it. (Which means the cleaver at work is dull as fuck, but oh well, haha. We use it to cut through turkey parts so it's not like it has to be the sharpest) So Lucy's experience with the machete is based on the one I just bought. It's the 'Gerber Gator Machete Jr', and it cuts beautifully. I already dinged part of it though from my first try cutting. I missed the bone and hit the concrete. Not my best moment, but hey, we live and we learn. Some lessons cost more than others, and this one was a small price to pay for more knowledge. I posted videos of me cutting with it on my tumblr. Same username as here. I tag all my posts related to this story with 'chdh' to make them easier to find, if you're curious.
Finally, last note for this chapter. What do you do if you know someone's cheating? What if the person involved in the affair is your friend? Do you tell? Do you stay quiet and hope things either work out or the truth comes to light? I've dealt with this from all three sides, and I gotta say, there's no right answer aside from don't cheat or tolerate cheating. My ex cheated on me countless times during our marriage, and I cheated on him too as revenge (Not an excuse for my actions). And someone close to me has been involved in an affair, and my decision was to not say anything to the person I know is being cheated on. I didn't make that decision lightly. I looked up advice online, and while I wish someone had told me I was being cheated on, I know it's not my place to tell. The truth will either find its way to the light, or the guilt will fester for those in the affair. Or, nothing bad will happen and they'll all get away with it. It's not my place to say or act. I did draw a clear boundary though. I told said person I didn't approve, I wish they would stop but I know I have no control over their decisions, and I want no part in it. Don't tell me about it at all. I think Levy's doing the best she can in her situation with Cana. She doesn't like seeing her friend in an affair with a married man, but she can't control Cana. She can only try to influence her to make better decisions. While in real life the truth may never find the light of day, this is a fanfiction, and things can't stay a secret forever in CHDH.
So the last two chapters combined are called 'Ready or not?'. That combined with the next has me cackling because I think I'm hilarious.
Up next, Chapter Fifty-One: Here she comes
Any guesses on what that means? XD
Thanks for stopping by and seeing what's been trapped in my head! I hope you liked it, or at least didn't hate it. My goal as a writer is to evoke an emotional response in a realistic and responsible way, so hopefully I did that? I also like sharing some of the knowledge I've gathered. You're always welcome to share your knowledge too! I don't usually respond to reviews because it's terrifying talking to people I don't know, but I do love reading them! So thank you! Also, this story hit 50 chapters?! That's awesome! Thank you so much for your support!
Thank you for every favorite, follow, and review! Thanks sakshishetty3003, FoxDragon1029, slmo, Doginshoe, dareaderreads, Screeney, lovelyleveret, mehshellgarery, stranger1999, Lodemai04, Guest, Guest, Meow Orbit, Lovesmutbabe, shootingstarssel, valerioux, Missb, Kleiho, FlameDragonHime, ElementalMiko12, Animeforlifeee, Lurking Reader, and BeachBumBabe for your feedback last time!
I said I was done, but one more note! In c-case anyone th-thinks talk... talking like th-this isn't realistic, it is. A coworker of mine was in a traumatic accident as a kid, and left him with a selective stutter. Sometimes he can carry on a conversation without trouble, but then sometimes he struggles to get a few words out, especially when talking to new people or if someone's looking right at him as he's talking. It doesn't hinder him, but it is realistic. He even does it sometimes with people he's known for years/decades. It just comes up when he gets nervous. Just thought I'd mention it in case anyone thought it was strange for Lucy to revert back to broken speech despite being able to talk freely before.