A/N: I know I know, this looks like the 22nd chapter in a 20 chapter story. But it's really more of a sidebar bonus; they just don't have that publishing option here.
Tales From the Treehouse
The friends sat around the room in the warm afterglow of friendship after a great meal. Well, a great meal to most; Fezzik considered it more of an average-sized repast. But regardless of how much or how little each person's stomach bulged afterward, all were happy and it showed.
"We don't do this often enough" Inigo said as he patted his belly.
"Pray we don't do it more often or else I'll need to search for a thicker tree for my house" Westley said, also a little stuffed from the food and wine.
"Do like I did; eat before you get here" Fezzik said, smiling.
Buttercup's mouth fell open. "I saw what you ate, and you say you had something before you got here?" she asked, astonished.
Fezzik shrugged. "Just a few whole chickens to take the edge off. I didn't want to eat all the food."
"Certainly not; you wouldn't want to commit to one of the classic blunders" Westley agreed.
"That's not one of them" Inigo laughed. "At least I don't think so. Vizinni spouted them off occasionally but I never saw them written down and I certainly would have remembered one about eating chickens."
"These should be interesting - do tell."
"Yes my love, tell me these great pearls of wisdom that you've been withholding from me" Contessa purred.
"They are hardly pearls my dear; I'm not entirely sure he didn't make them up."
"I'll start off" Westley said as he got things going. "Let's see, how did it go...oh yes, apparently the biggest is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
"Sound advice I suppose if I ever planned on going to Asia" Buttercup reflected. "Remind me the next time I plan a trip there, which is never."
"Oh course, I'll write it down for you."
Buttercup remembered suddenly. "I remember that one now, when you and he had the iocane poison challenge. He mentioned another one; something about Sicilians."
"Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line" Fezzik rumbled, finishing the thought. "He loved that one."
"And it wasn't always true, as it turned out" Westley smirked. "Maybe he should have said 'most of the time never' to cover all contingencies."
"I don't think any of them were absolutes. He used to say" Inigo agreed, changing his voice to mimic Vizzini "Never say 'Watch this! before doing something dangerous'. I think we've all done that from time to time, and we're all here to tell the tale."
"Inigo, didn't Vizzini tell you that after the time you swung on the vine and it broke?" Fezzik asked.
"He did. I fell flat on my dignity, all right. You have to admit, I stopped saying it after that" he agreed sheepishly.
"Failures are hard enough to live down. Maybe it's better not to call attention to them beforehand" Buttercup surmised.
"Well said" Westley complimented. "How about another?"
Inigo thought for a moment. "He used to say 'Never kill someone more than once'. Until we got Miracle Max to bring you back, I had no idea what that meant; usually once is enough."
"I doubt he had that possibility in mind when he said it" Westley shrugged.
"Maybe he meant take care of a problem completely so it doesn't come back" Contessa suggested.
"Hmmm. That could be it. Either that or he left some killed-only-once people running around the countryside in the past. Not a comforting thought if you ask me. Any others?"
Inigo paused to think, but Fezzik spoke up. "He used to say 'It is never as easy as you think, even if you think it's impossible'. I don't know what he meant; how can something be more difficult than impossible?"
"That is imponderable" Westley said as he considered. "Any guesses?"
"Pride maybe" Inigo offered. "He thought he was the smartest person around, and everyone else was inferior. Of course we wouldn't be able to think of an easy way to do something, unlike his lateship."
"You should have pride in what you do well, but it needs to be seasoned with modesty" Buttercup suggested. "My father is one of the hardest workers I know, but he's always downplaying his farming skills; his results speak for themselves I think - after all, it's not a contest."
"That's not the way it is in piracy" Westley, Inigo and Contessa all answered at the same time in so many words before laughing at the chorus. Each had taken a turn as the Dread Pirate Roberts, and knew that each fight and battle was in fact a contest with the loser coming out poorer or even dead.
"He used to say 'Never whistle while you work', but I think that was because he hated whistling more than a classic blunder." They all laughed heartily.
A small cry could be heard coming from the nursery. "Leave it to pirates to stir up trouble" Buttercup said as she rose to take care of her daughter Elaine. "Now it's going to take an hour before she falls asleep again."
"Our cue to leave, I think" Fezzik said as he stood, the floor creaking slightly. "Greta is waiting for me back home and now we won't get there until tomorrow noon at the soonest."
"Then we shall set sail within the hour, while the tide is still high" Inigo assured him. "Contessa and I will have you back safely; I shudder at her scorn if I do not." Inigo had barely survived Greta's friendly hug, and he doubted he would survive one if ill will was involved.
"I thank you gentlemen as always for joining us here" Westley said as he rose. "When Elaine gets a bit older perhaps we can visit your homes instead." The three friends exchanged embraces. "I shall look forward to hearing about more of these classic blunders."
"It will give us time to make some up" Inigo winked.
The (increasingly misnamed) End
A.N: Yeah, yeah - this could have been a separate story, but it was so short I just tacked it onto the end of the larger tale. I'd already added one post-conclusion chapter anyway, why not another since I teased it way back in Chapter 20? My 'Treasure of Treasureless Island' story got spun off because it didn't have any characters from the movie whereas this does. So by my math my 20 chapter story technically only has 21 chapters still, which isn't too bad.