Trigger warning: Very brief past thoughts of suicide, not graphic.
*Chapter Fifty-Six: We need to talk
(April 13th, 2018, Friday Evening)
"That was not what I was expecting," Gray said, giving a rare shiver at what he just witnessed.
"That... was truly unsettling," Natsu muttered, eyes wide and unfocused. His tan skin was abnormally pale as he rubbed at his arm. "But, I guess it's good that it works..."
The group walked behind Jura, a guard who had accompanied them right outside the gate where the zombie chariot was kept. Since they didn't encounter any undead -aside from those meant to pull their trailers, they didn't have to go through processing.
Lucy raised a brow at Natsu and Gray's reactions but chose not to comment, thinking it wasn't all that freaky. They had dealt with tons of undead before, yet they seemed disturbed by the captured ones.
'Weird.'
It never occurred to her their experiences with the undead were different. Natsu and Gray had been encountering and killing zombies from day one, often dealing with small hoards at a time.
Lucy was always put in controlled situations with the undead, after the initial outbreak of course. Even then, she hadn't fought them. Her father and Virgo had hurried them out of the hospital and to their vehicle. After swerving through frantic traffic, barely dodging a few accidents, they had sought shelter in the lake house.
Natsu and Gray had been in life or death situations, but Lucy always had a sense of protection since she had been with a group at all times after becoming a runner. She had a mentality they never had the luxury of having. 'If I don't get it, someone else will.'
None of that registered with her, Lucy thinking her friends were just startled by the chariot. They would see its value soon enough, Lucy hugging her middle as she wondered how that would go. Gray was a clearer while Natsu had various jobs, spending more days off base than on. It wouldn't be long until they left the base, then Lucy wouldn't be able to hide her new job from them.
Well, she didn't care so much if Gray knew. It was Natsu that had her worrying.
Lucy stayed behind near Levy, letting Natsu and Gray talk with Erza and Ultear. Jellal was a few paces in front of them, and Loke had decided not to come, staying in his room after dinner. She couldn't blame him. He had to be tired after the last few hours.
There was one other person missing from their group, Lucy's stomach jerking when she remembered those tears. She hadn't had time to think about it until then, distracted by Natsu and the others return.
Keeping her voice soft, Lucy asked, "Is Cana okay?"
"I..." Levy pressed her lips into a tight line, her forehead creasing with worry. "I don't know."
"She has to be glad her dad's back, right?"
When Levy didn't answer, Lucy didn't push. She knew better than most how important privacy was, and she didn't want to overstep her boundaries.
"I'm glad Natsu and Gray are back," Levy finally said, causing Lucy to nod.
A smile worked itself on Lucy's face as she looked up at the two, bickering back and forth over something, but it ended when Erza merely said, "Boys."
She stifled a chuckle, eyes falling on the back of Natsu's head. Being so close to him had been harder than she imagined. While he was away, Lucy thought she was merely dealing with a crush, but having him back, having him so close to her and hearing his voice?
'Maybe it's a little more serious than a crush.'
But, that didn't change anything. He was still her friend, still her roommate, and Lucy wasn't sure she could even handle a relationship. Not to mention, Natsu had never shown her even a hint that he felt something beyond friendship towards her.
Was she really going to ruin their friendship with a possible rejection?
No way, so until she found a way to get her feelings under control, she was just going to proceed with caution when interacting with him.
"I made an observation," Levy started, catching Lucy's attention. When she hummed, Levy continued. "It didn't seem you wanted Natsu to know you caught the rabbits? Or your involvement with the chariot."
Lucy forced herself not to react, but then faltered when she realized Levy was the last person to judge her. "Between you and me?"
Lucy waited for Levy to nod, trusting she wouldn't tell. "I... I don't think Natsu's going to take the news of me working off base so well."
"How come?" Levy asked.
Lucy shrugged, eyes falling to the ground as she mumbled, "He thinks I'm this weak person, and I don't think he'll be happy when he finds out."
"But he will find out," Levy pressed, causing Lucy to nod.
"Well, yeah. It's not like I can hide it for long." She wasn't sure if Makarov was allowing the group to rest before going back to work, but once they did Natsu would eventually end up with the runners. There was no way she could hide it after that, and despite knowing it would only make it worse by delaying, she wanted to put off telling him.
"I think he'll surprise you," Levy said, wearing a smile of her own. "He's seen strong women hold their own off base. Once he sees you can handle yourself, you'll be fine."
"She's right you know," Jellal said from a few paces in front of them, causing Lucy to jolt.
"You were listening!" she hissed, Jellal slowing until he fell on the other side of Lucy.
"Not intentionally. You two aren't the quietest."
"Do you think Natsu heard?" Lucy whispered, worry etching on her face, but she relaxed when she heard Natsu hurl an insult at Gray, causing Ultear to laugh. He wasn't paying attention.
"No, he looks rather distracted," Jellal offered before looking down at Lucy. "You should tell him though. I think he'll handle the news well."
"I don't know..." Lucy thought about the times he had been extra cautious around her, checking in on her wellbeing a few too many times. Hell, once she almost snapped at him because he kept interrupting her when she was reading, probably thinking he was helping by keeping her company.
Plus, he made it very clear he didn't want her working off base. She wasn't so sure he would just change his mind all of a sudden. "He's told me a few times he's really glad I work on base, away from the danger."
"Well, I know I felt better when you were on base too," Levy started, reaching over to pat Lucy on the back. She welcomed the comfort. "But I know you're happier now. He'll see that too."
"I hope so," Lucy mumbled before letting out an exaggerated sigh. "I guess I can bring it up tomorrow. There's something else I need to talk to him about anyways."
Levy raised a brow, but didn't ask, something Lucy was thankful for. She didn't want to get into it tonight. Natsu had told Makarov her secret, and while she understood the logic behind it, she needed to address it with him, no matter how uncomfortable that conversation was going to be.
She would do it tonight, but with everything going on, it seemed like it would be too much.
It could wait until tomorrow, or so she thought...
Lucy happily joined everyone in Erza and Jellal's room after they reached the school, the group not ready to call it quits just yet. They didn't watch that movie like planned, instead listening as Natsu and Gray took turns recounting their adventures off base.
Lucy had to admit, she trembled a little when Gray described the bear attack, her eyes growing wide imagining how terrifying that would be. Gray's details dwindled down when talking about a time they were held at gunpoint by some random survivors, proving something Lucy already knew.
Humans could be a threat too.
Natsu seemed less talkative than Gray, but he still contributed his fair share of details, especially about the journey getting to Hargeon. Apparently, once they reached the base, things had been a lot easier, the danger disappearing.
Lucy listened with everyone else, her eyes sticking to either Gray or the floor right in front of Natsu, never able to look him in the eye. She chuckled a few times with her friends, especially when Gray described a bike race he had with Natsu and Loke where Natsu lost control. Apparently he had cost them a chicken with the amount they spent on medical supplies to get him bandaged up, his wound full of dirt from the crash.
Lucy's heart warmed as she nodded along with the group when Erza said it was good they were back home.
Fairy Tail was home, needing Natsu and Gray to complete it.
An hour or so later, Lucy and Natsu were saying their goodbyes. She kept a healthy distance between them without arousing suspicion on their way back to their room. Of course, she had no idea he had caught on to her odd behavior, though she should have figured it out with how quiet he had grown.
She assumed he was tired after the journey, but apparently he had noticed the change in Lucy, but luckily for her, he hadn't realized why.
Lucy unlocked their door before strolling over to her bookcase. She thought it would be wise to get her nightly routine out of the way before settling down.
She suppressed a yawn as she worked to undo the ribbon holding some of her hair up. Her fingers lightly scratched her scalp, excited to have her hair down for a whole day. Keeping it braided or in a bun helped prevent zombies from grabbing her hair when off base, but she had a day off tomorrow. She would relax as much as possible.
Well, that plan would have to change. She wanted to take at least a nap and get some use out of the second mattress, but she doubted she would have any alone time in the room if Natsu was back.
She fought a frown, deciding she could do without that little stress relief if it meant he was home safe. Heat surged in her chest as she wondered if Natsu ever used the room to... relieve his own stress.
Lucy swallowed hard just thinking about it.
"Hey..."
Lucy nearly jumped at Natsu's voice, forgetting he was in the room. She whirled around, eyes locking with his for a second before dropping to the tile, voice threatening to crack as she said, "Hey... Buddy?"
'Buddy! Where the heck did that come from?!' She wanted to run her hand over her face, feeling herself getting more flustered by the second. In her miserable defense, she hadn't exactly talked to anyone else in the room for two months except Happy, and she occasionally called him Buddy.
'Yeah, that's it. Totally not weird at all!'
She could see Natsu jolt at the odd response before shaking his head, his voice suddenly serious as he said, "I know you're avoiding me."
"Wh-what?!" Lucy nearly gasped, eyes flitting over his face before falling towards the door, seeing he had closed it behind him.
"You won't even look at me," he accused, forcing her to meet his gaze so she could deny his claim. However, she found it wasn't that simple.
Keeping eye contact was difficult, her heart practically squeezing when she looked straight at him. Even with everyone else she dated, she had never felt such a pull towards a person, a thrilling rush flooding her system. She wanted his safety, she wanted his company, she wanted to just... be near him, to look at him, but that also caused a physical reaction she couldn't hide.
Heat flared in her cheeks at the heavy eye contact, Lucy swallowing past the lump in her throat, her words once again fumbling when she felt on the spot. "I— N-no?"
If she wouldn't look weird, she would have smacked her forehead for that horrid response.
"Yes, you are," he said, taking a step closer to her, causing her to flinch.
Natsu stopped, eyes widening as his brows shot up. Lucy swore the color drained from his face. "I promise I wasn't gonna hurt you!" He held his hands up as he stepped back, panic flashing in those deep green eyes.
"I know," Lucy rushed out, wishing she sounded more sure because she was. "I... I know you'd never hurt me."
Natsu held her stare for a moment before his shoulders relaxed, his hands falling to his side. "Okay," he mumbled, nodding to himself. "I just, I don't know how to act around you."
"What do you mean?" Lucy asked, throat impossibly tight as she forced herself not to look away, eyes flitting a few times before they snapped right back to him.
"You're acting different." He hesitated before taking a step forward, letting out a sigh when she didn't react. "And... I know why."
Forget that blush working itself on her face, Lucy's skin ran pale with dread. 'How did he figure out I like him?' He had only been back a few hours. Had she been that obvious?
"I—" What was she supposed to say? Sorry? She wasn't sorry. She couldn't control her feelings, and liking Natsu... It just felt, natural. He was warm and kind, funny and gentle when he needed to be, and she had never felt more safe than when he was near her.
He had stuck with her at her worst, encouraging her along her road to recovery. She trusted him, despite him telling her secret about Ivan. She still had to address that with him later, after dealing with their current situation.
She wouldn't apologize for her feelings, but she understood if he didn't feel the same way. Lucy took a deep breath, preparing herself for his reaction to her confession, but she didn't get the chance to tell him how she felt.
"You're mad at me," Natsu started, causing her to furrow her brows, confusion clear on her face.
"Wh... what?"
"I get it," Natsu added, dragging a hand over his face before letting out a groan. "I'd be mad too if I were you. I know I... I—"
"Natsu, I don't think—" There had to be a misunderstanding, but with what? Why would he think she was mad at him?"
He shook his head, but didn't say anything until he was sure she was done. "I'm sorry," he said, the conviction in his voice causing her to blink. "You trusted me, and I betrayed that trust, and I'm so, so sorry Lucy."
Her eyes only fell from his face when she saw his hands shaking, nearly trembling as he apologized. 'For what? He didn't—' And then it dawned on her seconds before he took a deep breath.
"I understand it wasn't my secret to tell, I just..."
"Natsu, we don't have to talk about this now." She frowned, realizing how uncomfortable she was about to become. She wanted to prepare, but he seemed desperate. She had never seen him look so unsure.
"I-I need to, Lucy. I didn't want to tell, I promise I didn't want to, but... He's Makarov's son. I-I had to tell him, but I should've, I needed to tell you first, but I didn't."
Natsu swallowed, eyes growing watery. "I was just freaking out with what you said, and I didn't think... didn't think you'd want him to know, but I— That wasn't my call. I should've asked you, told you, but I... I fucked up Lucy. I-I know I fucked up."
His lower lip quivered as he barely held it together, Lucy's heart dropping when Natsu said, "I have n-no right to a... ask, but please—" She watched his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. "It's... p-probably hard to even look at me, I get it. But, just— Please... don't shut me out. You're... you're one of my best friends, and I—"
As the first tear rolled down his cheek, Natsu was slammed backwards, Lucy throwing herself into him as she wrapped her arms tightly around his trembling frame. "Stop," she mumbled, feeling the familiar sting as tears filled her eyes. "Just, stop."
Natsu released a shaky breath, his arms budging to hug her back, but Lucy had him caged in. "I'm sorry," he said in a broken whisper, pressing his lips against the crown of her head. "I'm so sorry Lucy. I-I won't do that again."
"Just," Lucy started, squeezing him as she felt her own heart grip in pain. She had been upset, rightfully so, but she had come to understand why he did it. While what happened to her was a personal detail she shared with Natsu in confidence, it didn't just affect her.
It affected all of Fairy Tail, and Makarov needed to know what threats were out there to better protect their own, for those who stayed on and those who ventured off base.
"I'm sorry," Natsu muttered when she stopped, his voice causing her stomach to twist.
She didn't want Natsu sad. A smile was supposed to be on his face, but instead his face was marred with tears because she was struggling to get the words out. "I forgive you," she whispered, feeling him jolt before she pulled back.
Brown eyes met green, Lucy's voice just as unsteady as his as she reached up, wiping away the tears that traveled over the scar she gave him. "I get it," she added, a meek nod following. "You didn't do it to hurt me. You didn't have m-malicious intent. You did it for Fairy Tail. Just, I wish you would've told me first. Okay?"
"Of course!" As soon as Lucy loosened her grip, Natsu hugged her back, holding her against his chest. "I promise! I won't do that again!"
Lucy pressed her face against his scarf, taking in a deep breath. He didn't smell the same, but he had been traveling for some time. She assumed it would take a few days of sleeping in their bed and using his deodorant and body wash before his comforting scent returned, but until then, she melted into his warmth.
That hadn't changed a bit, Lucy feeling her muscles relax as if she could finally let herself breathe. He was home, finally safe and sound.
"I missed you," she mumbled, feeling his body shake with a chuckle, though she still heard the remnants of his anguish.
"I missed you so much," Natsu said, not thinking twice as he kissed where her bangs started, dangerously close to her forehead. She wasn't sure if he meant to do that or not, unable to stop herself from reacting.
Lucy sucked in a sharp breath, causing Natsu to freeze. "S-sorry," he rushed out, slowly dropping his arms as he took a step back. "I don't... I dunno why I did that?"
"It's fine," she assured, though her heart wasn't certain, practically beating against her rib cage. He had meant to kiss her, at least on some level. Did that mean something? Or was it an accident? "It... happens?"
Did it? She doubted it, but she wasn't going to read into it. Misunderstandings could ruin their friendship, and it was better to leave it to rest.
Natsu took in a few rapid breaths as he nodded, almost jumping when they heard a meow at their feet. "Geez Happy!" He pressed a hand over his chest. "Are you trying to scare me to death?"
Lucy let out a nervous laugh, drawing his attention. "You were gone two months," she started, eyes slowly falling until they landed on his shoulder, her earlier confidence waning after their sudden 'talk'. "If that didn't kill you, I don't think anything can."
Natsu hesitated before snorting, fingers running through his wild pink locks. "Y-yeah." He dipped his head, Lucy realizing she had to look him in the eyes or else he would get suspicious of her behavior. "You okay?"
"Fine," she said, putting her hands behind her back before pressing her nails into her skin, trying to fight off a blush. "I should take Happy out?" Lucy's heart hadn't calmed down, the girl needing a break. Unfortunately for her, she wasn't so lucky.
After a few seconds, Natsu's lips twitched into a smile. "Yeah, he's probably due for a potty break. I'll go with ya."
With no reason to refuse, Lucy gesturing for him to lead the way.
With the sun down, the temperature had dropped a little. Lucy rubbed her arms, wishing she had put a jacket on before venturing outside. It was dark, the moon hiding behind the clouds, peeking out occasionally.
Lucy took a seat at the top of the stairs while Natsu set Happy down, the two watching as he disappeared into the tall grass.
It had been a while since it had needed mowed, Lucy not missing that job one bit. Sure, it was safe, but she didn't hold any pride for her work in maintenance. As a runner, she felt better about her contributions. Of course, she knew every job served a purpose, and everyone at Fairy Tail was working to make their small society successful.
Lucy sucked in a deep breath of fresh air before leaning back, hands propping her up as she gazed at the sky. "It's so beautiful," she murmured, seeing Natsu shifting to sit beside her seconds later.
"What? The sky?" Natsu followed her gaze before giving a nod. "Yeah, it's pretty."
It was then Lucy realized Hibiki wasn't outside waiting for her. It wasn't like he did it every night, but she had grown used to the company while letting Happy out, the two marveling over the sky as they talked.
Then again, it was much later. Usually she let Happy out right after dinner.
'Oh well. I'll see him tomorrow,' Lucy told herself, looking forward to the break from her emotions. It would be nice not having to worry about her feelings coming to light. Despite Levy's past teasing, Hibiki was just a friend. 'At least she gave it a rest,' she thought with a smile.
Lucy looked at the stars, wondering if they shined brighter in space. "You think there's astronauts still up there?" Lucy asked, Natsu jolting in his spot.
"Well, I didn't before, but fuck. I hope not."
"Nothing we can do about it," Lucy reminded him, seeing him ease up.
"Yeah, that's true. That would suck being stuck up there though."
Lucy nodded, never wanting to feel stuck again, like there was no hope left.
She frowned, welcoming the distraction when Natsu cleared his throat. He glanced over at her, a soft smile on his face. "So uh, now that we're better... can you show me your rabbit traps tomorrow?"
Lucy couldn't be more thankful for the darkness, the color of her cheeks hidden from his watchful eyes. While he thought they were all good, she was still dealing with her feelings.
She thought the best course of action was to ignore her feelings until they went away, but there was an alternative that she found more appealing.
What if there was a chance Natsu liked her back? Maybe he was just better at keeping his feelings a secret? She hadn't seen him show interest in any of the other girls at Fairy Tail, though she had noticed he got a bit of attention here or there, especially when they were in the arena for meals. It wasn't like girls were drooling over him, but she recognized the knowing glances thrown his way.
She couldn't blame them. Despite being goofy, Natsu was a strikingly handsome man.
"Is that okay?" he asked, Lucy's eyes widening when she realized she hadn't answered his question.
'What was his question?'
"I—"
"After work," Natsu said, cutting her off. "It's kinda too late for tonight. I don't think I'd even see them in the dark. Well, I guess we could use the phone's flashlight. You still have my phone, right?"
"Yeah, I do. And... Uhh..." Lucy didn't want to lie to him, but she wasn't ready to tell him her day off was tomorrow. All the runners had Saturday off. "I... can show you tomorrow afternoon," she said.
It wasn't a lie, but the misdirection had her stomach churn. 'I'll tell him I'm a runner tomorrow night. It wouldn't be good to tell him now.' The last few hours had been hectic. She just wanted to go back to their room and curl next to him as she fell asleep. She almost hummed as she imagined his warmth, until another thought occurred. 'Wait. What if—'
"Great!" Natsu cheered, a grin on his face as he looked back towards the grass, but Happy was nowhere to be seen. "You never mentioned you know how to hunt."
"I... didn't," she said, trying to keep up with the conversation as her mind started wandering. While it wasn't hot, it wasn't cold either. 'What... if he doesn't want to share a bed anymore?'
"Who taught ya to hunt?" Natsu asked, scratching the back of his head.
"My... dad," Lucy answered, eyes unfocused as she thought about their sleeping situation. 'Natsu's probably tired after the long journey. I bet he wants a full rest instead of sharing a bed with me... It's not like it's cold anymore. That was the only reason I started sleeping in his bed... And the beds are separated already. Ugh, I'm glad he didn't ask me more about why they're separated.'
There was no chance in hell she was telling Natsu she used her old mattress for... stress relief, that way she didn't stain the main bed.
Her face burned in embarrassment.
"That's cool," Natsu said, giving her a subtle nod. "Can I... Umm..."
"What?" Lucy asked when he didn't finish.
"I wanna ask more," he turned towards her, "about your family. I just, now I'm worried you're gonna think I'm not a safe person to talk to."
"Because you told my secret," Lucy guessed, earning a nod. She had thought about that while he was gone. She had a lot of time to think after finding out he had spilled her secret. "I get that. Um, yeah, I think I'll be a little hesitant telling you some... more personal things, but I really do understand why you told Makarov. Fairy Tail needed to know, and it is his son."
She frowned, wondering how someone so awful came from such a normal guy. "I told... Makarov where he was," Lucy confessed, feeling Natsu's gaze on her. She could make out most of his features, especially when the moonlight peeked through a cloud. She had gotten his attention, not that he wasn't giving it to her before.
"You did?" He didn't bother hiding his surprise.
"Yes." Lucy paused, feeling like the information was useless. "I don't know if he's there though. That was, what? Six months ago?"
"True," Natsu said, shoulders slouching. The chances Ivan and his group were still there was slim, especially after she escaped. "Is he gonna send a party out to check on it?"
Lucy nodded. "Laxus will lead the team that goes. I'm not sure how long it'll be until they leave." She wasn't sure if she was going or not, her confidence off base increasing every day. However, she wasn't sure confronting her past was the best thing for her. What if she froze up when seeing the place she had been tortured? What if she broke inside all over again?
She had felt damaged after all the beatings and torment he caused her. Would she even be able to face him if he was still around?
Would she even be able to see the lake house without feeling helpless all over again? She never wanted to feel that way again, determined to grow stronger, mentally and physically.
Lucy swallowed thickly, but Natsu distracted her before her thoughts could worsen. "For a second, I thought you were mad at me because I left."
Furrowing her brows, Lucy looked towards the grass. "No... I would've been mad if you never made it back though."
Her eyes widened when she felt his arm wrap around her, Natsu pulling her until she tucked into his side. She couldn't make a peep, her heart hammering as a fierce blush spread from her chest to the tips of her ears. Lucy wasn't sure she even heard Natsu correctly as he said, "I promised I'd come back."
It took Lucy a few shallow breaths before she was able to calm herself enough to lean against him. She had to bite back a giddy smile, realizing she fit perfectly under his arm, like they were meant to be like that.
'Seriously, stop it.'
"I was gonna say hopefully it'll be a while until we do a mission like that again," Natsu said, Lucy feeling his chest rumble with his words, almost distracting her. "But, if you're okay with it, I'm gonna ask if I can go with Laxus for this next one."
Lucy paused, debating how she felt about that. Despite knowing it wasn't a good idea, she imagined the state the house looked in when she escaped. Rotting corpses laid throughout the house, the wooden floors ripped up and walls covered in filth from boredom. She gulped as she recalled the chains attached to various broken pieces of furniture, especially in her old bedroom that had been turned into her own personal prison.
The house was a mess, a testament to the destruction Ivan's group had caused.
"It's..." she tried, but her voice failed her. The house was wrecked, the smell of death thick in the air. Her eyes watered just thinking about how badly the smell had stung until it had become normal, her stomach twisting at that thought. It had become normal, Lucy able to ignore the smell, the mess, because that was her reality when she was their prisoner.
Natsu's warmth seeped into her skin as he rubbed her shoulder, resting his chin on top of her head. She hadn't realized she leaned in closer, her head pressed against his chest.
She had sought out safety, Lucy wrapping an arm around his middle when she realized she could draw comfort in his embrace. She didn't have to be strong with him, because he knew how fragile she could be.
"I don't gotta go," Natsu said, Lucy gulping at the thought. What would he think of her? That had been the lowest point in her life, the place she thought she would die.
The place she wanted to die so many nights, but she had never found that sweet relief.
But, she had never really wanted to die. She just wanted to escape her reality. Her proof came when she was handed a means to end her life, those red eyes so dull as a knife was placed beside her.
"Sorry to see you go, Blondie."
Lucy's hands shook just like they had that day as she curled her fingers over the handle of that knife. She had meant to end it all, but when she was alone, she couldn't do it. Instead, she hid it, not waiting long until she heard heavy footsteps making their way towards her room.
"Are you okay?" Natsu asked, Lucy squeezing him tighter as tears formed beneath her closed eyelids, recalling how fast her heart had been beating as the door was opened, revealing one of her captors, the one who had violated her in a way Ivan never had.
"N-no," Lucy whispered, remembering the sickening feeling that spread through her as she drove that knife through the man's belly, jerking it out quickly before rushing away from him. If Ivan hadn't forgotten to lock her in her chains again, she wouldn't have gotten anywhere, but luck seemed to be on her side that day.
Even though that stranger didn't saved her when she asked for help, it still ended up being the day she escaped.
"I'm sorry," Natsu whispered, pulling her impossibly closer. She was angled against his chest, Natsu resting his face in the crook of her neck as he rubbed her back. "I'm so sorry." His voice was gentle, his touch tender.
While Lucy appreciated the comfort, she wanted to be strong, to be confident. Natsu... had a way of bringing out her vulnerable side, and part of her didn't like it. She was overcoming what happened to her, accepting it so she could move on, but he had her reliving it in the safety of his arms.
Natsu wouldn't allow her to be hurt, Lucy tightening her grip on him as she let herself cry, wishing she were stronger, but thankful she didn't have to be with him.
But that in itself frustrated her, Lucy clenching her teeth as anger surged through her veins. She wanted to be better, to face her problems without them setting her back. Ivan couldn't hurt her anymore. No one could hurt her. She was powerful, able to hold her own against the freaking undead!
So why? Why was she crying about her past once more, like she had made no progress?
But, she had.
Sure, when those tears fell from her face and she shook, she didn't feel brave or strong, but she had grown into who she was today. Despite her tears, she was not weak.
Lucy allowed herself one more shaky sob before pulling herself away from Natsu, feeling his hesitance before letting her go. She scrubbed at her face, nose almost scrunching at herself. Grandeeney had told her countless times there was no shame in crying, but that didn't mean she liked doing it.
How was she going to tell Natsu she was working off base when she couldn't even go a whole day without crying in front of him? Hell, she hadn't even gotten through the night.
Despite being an aspiring writer and having a love for words, all Lucy could mumble was, "That... sucked." She wished once more she had her jacket so she could better wipe away her tears. The air felt colder now, Lucy's arms wrapping around her before nodding towards the school. "We should probably go to bed."
She didn't catch the way Natsu flinched, her head only turning towards him when he asked, "Are you alright?"
"Fine," she said, barely holding back a shiver. When she noticed the look on his face, she sighed. It was clear he didn't believe her. "I... just haven't talked about that in a while."
That was the truth. The last few weeks Grandeeney had been helping her get through the incident at the party, where Jose had purposely gotten her drunk to take advantage of her. She kept that to herself, not wanting Natsu to know.
She trusted him with her life, but he had been correct. Part of her was worried about telling him too much about her past.
It would take time, like most things. She just needed to ease back into it. Rushing would do neither of them good. "I promise," Lucy whispered, a wane smile forming on her face. "I'll be fine."
"I'm sorry I brought it up."
Lucy shook her head, a humorless laugh following. "I think I brought it up?"
"Either way. I'm sorry." Natsu frowned, the expression making Lucy's stomach twist. She preferred his toothy grin, her hand twitching to reach out and smooth the worry lines on his forehead, but she kept her distance. "I don't gotta go on the mission."
He shrugged, looking nonchalant as he added, "I missed you and Fairy Tail way too much while I was gone anyway. I can just wait 'til the next one. No rush."
Lucy chuckled, that time holding some life in it. "Well, so we don't miss each other... Maybe... next time I can go with you?"
Lucy barely finished her sentence before Natsu snorted, all traces of worry gone in an instant. "Yeah, right!" He laughed, but instead of bringing her that comfort it usually did, it only had Lucy's heart sinking. "Being off base is way too dangerous for someone like you!"
Lucy felt her eyes prick again, but she wouldn't allow those tears to form. Her eyes fell to the concrete between them, a hollowness eating away at her. She placed her hands on the ground to turn herself towards the outside world, towards the danger he thought she couldn't handle.
"You think so?"
Natsu reached over, laying his hand on hers before giving it a squeeze. It did nothing to soothe her. "It's not a bad thing. You're just better on base, keeping things running smoothly here." If she wasn't feeling so down, she might have liked the way his thumb brushed against her hand. Instead, all she felt was empty. "The grass is already getting a little high. Someone's gotta mow it."
Lucy swallowed thickly, wondering if telling him was even an option.
Clearly, he didn't think she could handle being a runner.
Part of her wanted to throw him off by blurting out she was working off base just fine, but she held it in. She was tired, sore, and wanted rest. Bringing up her job meant having a discussion that would last at least thirty minutes, if not longer before he saw she was good with her decision to be a runner.
She could wait another day. It wouldn't hurt anything, besides her pride.
"Yeah, someone's gotta mow it," she mumbled, pulling her hand into her lap. "We should get to bed. It's late."
"Right," Natsu said with a nod. "I forgot you got work in the morning."
Lucy almost laughed, but she held it in. It was a good thing considering it would sound just as bitter as she felt. If only he knew the truth.
"You don't have work, right?"
Natsu stood before stretching. "Gramps is letting us have a few days off."
"So, you'll probably be resting after breakfast?" Lucy asked, wanting to rest too, but her room would be occupied. 'Maybe I can see if Levy will let me take a nap in her room.'
She had a few sleepovers with Levy and Cana in the past two months, though Happy always made a fuss about going back to their room.
"Well, I uh..." Natsu scratched at his cheek, eyes avoiding hers.
Lucy raised a brow at the odd display, wondering why he looked nervous. "What's up?"
"Nothing, really. I just, after breakfast, Gray's gonna help me get a bigger bed off base."
"Oh?" Lucy cocked her head. "Why?"
"Just uh," he cupped the back of his neck, "figured it'd make things more spacious..."
"Oh." Her voice held no curiosity, realizing what he meant. He wanted space, Lucy's heart stinging as she nodded. 'I can take the hint.' Natsu didn't want to share his bed anymore, but he didn't want to make things awkward by outright saying it.
Lucy nodded, standing up before dusting off her pants. "That makes sense." She didn't want to admit it, even to herself, but she would miss sleeping beside him. It went far deeper than him being warm, his very presence a comfort she had taken for granted, not realizing how peaceful her rest had been until he had left for Hargeon.
The first few nights alone had been the worst, Lucy tossing and turning, worry driving her crazy. She had quite literally dreamed of the day he would return and they would go back to their normal routine like nothing had ever happened, but...
'Maybe this is good.'
"Happy!" Natsu called, chuckling when the feline sprinted towards him. He scooped him up, snuggling his face against that blue fur before planting a kiss on Happy's head. Lucy tried ignoring the way her heart fell, realizing him kissing her head earlier was nothing more than a friendly gesture.
Or worse, he saw her as a helpless pet he had to look after.
Lucy shook those thoughts away, knowing Natsu respected her more than that. He would see she was capable of handling herself off base, but she would still wait until tomorrow night. It was way too late to start that talk.
Natsu nodded towards the door, a soft smile on his face. "Let's go."
"Yeah." Lucy said, waiting until he turned before allowing her shoulders to slump. Her thoughts were jumbled, switching from Natsu not thinking she was fit to be off base back to her silly feelings.
'It's obvious this is more than a little crush, but, it wouldn't work out. He doesn't think of me like that. According to Loke, Natsu said so himself. We're just friends.'
She held in a sigh as they entered the school, the two making their way up the stairs to return to their room. 'It's for the best that he wants to sleep alone. I should get some distance so these feelings can dwindle down. Natsu doesn't want anything more than friendship, and I need to respect that.'
While she wished Natsu wanted more, there were no signs he saw her as such. They were close, yes, but weren't good friends supposed to be close? 'He called me one of his best friends.' Lucy didn't bother biting back her smile, relishing in that title.
She had considered him her best friend, even after she opened herself up to others. Levy, Erza, Yukino, Grandeeney, Hibiki, even Rogue. They were all great friends, but Natsu, he held a special place in her heart, even before she started falling for him.
She had to put some distance between them to let her heart simmer down, and sleeping in the same bed was sure to encourage her feelings. So, it was better he wanted them to separate.
Lucy thought it would be simple to ease out of her feelings, but as soon as she came back from brushing her teeth and using the bathroom, she almost sputtered. The woman swallowed hard as she locked the door behind her, forcing her eyes off her roommate.
'How's that even fair?'
As nonchalantly as he could, Natsu was sitting in bed, one knee propping up his notebook to jot something down. That wasn't what caught Lucy by surprise, used to him keeping a record of his daily activities.
No, what drew her focus was his attire, the man adorned in nothing but his boxers, letting her get a good look of his toned arms and tan skin.
Lucy's mouth went dry when he dropped his leg, giving her a good view of the tattoo on his ribs. Once again, she found herself confused. Before, she had never found tattoos attractive. She hadn't thought of them as gross, just not her cup of tea, but damn.
She had a thirst she wasn't able to quench, even after pouring a tall glass of water from her pitcher before downing half of it in one go.
She looked back at him, eyes fixed on those dragon scales. Her tongue swiped over the bottom of her top teeth, wondering just how far down those scales went, the tattoo disappearing in his boxers.
If it wasn't for his voice interrupting her thoughts, she might have licked her lips at the sight.
"I missed a lot of days," he mumbled, setting the notebook beside the bed, a frown tugging at his lips as his brows furrowed. "I kept some loose notes, but it was hard keeping track of the days sometimes."
"I..." Lucy started, her voice more airy than she liked. "I uh, kept some notes, myself... While you were gone."
Natsu perked up. Even in the dim light coming from a candle, she swore she saw his eyes gleam. "Yeah?"
She nodded, trying so desperately not to let her eyes fall. Not only did she want to keep some eye contact so Natsu didn't think anything was up with her strange behavior, she didn't want to get caught staring at his body.
'Why's he so fucking hot? Has he always been that attractive? Ugh!'
"You okay?" Natsu asked, raising a brow when Lucy started squirming.
She had to tear her eyes away from him, using the glass of water as a distraction. There wasn't even a hint of a lie as she said, "Just thirsty."
"Me too," Natsu said, Lucy almost rolling her eyes before sucking in a sharp breath, hearing the patter of his feet as he made his way over to her.
Her whole body tensed as he stopped beside her, pouring himself a glass before downing it. She made the unfortunate mistake of glancing over, entranced by the way his throat bobbed as he gulped his water down.
It had her swallowing, Lucy dropping her gaze to avoid him catching her, but that proved more troublesome. Her eyes stuck on his torso, her fingers twitching as she looked over the bare skin.
He had softened around his abdominal section since being away, but he still had her heart racing.
She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she behaved. Her curiosity didn't give her permission to touch, even if she figured Natsu wouldn't mind.
She wouldn't touch him without getting permission, and she sure as hell wasn't about to ask something like that.
How would she even explain herself?!
Natsu sighed as he set the glass down, a smile tugging at his lips as he looked over, catching Lucy staring at his stomach. He must have misunderstood her look, giving her a nervous chuckle as he placed a hand over his middle. "Sorry."
Lucy snapped back to reality, eyes flashing to his. "What?" she asked, holding back a cringe when he gestured to his boxers.
As if it wasn't hard enough wondering what was under there.
"I'll find some clothes," he said, moving towards his bookcase. "I kinda got used to not wearing much again when I sleep."
He grabbed the first shirt he found, sticking an arm through before Lucy's meek voice said, "It's fine."
As Natsu raised a brow, he glanced over at her. "Hmm?"
Lucy did her best to keep the shakiness out of her tone, wanting Natsu to believe her words. They were true, but the motive behind them wasn't pure. "If you want to sleep without one, go ahead. I don't mind."
She wanted to continue looking at him despite knowing it would only make it harder to stop liking him. His body was definitely not the only thing she was attracted to, but damn, it didn't hurt.
"Are you sure?" Natsu asked, hesitating before pulling his arm out of the shirt. "I don't wanna make you uncomfortable."
Lucy nodded, her eyes softening as she smiled. He was so kind, so gentle when he needed to be. How could she not fall for him? They had a rocky start when it came to trust, but he had shown her again and again he wouldn't hurt her.
Well, his words earlier hurt her, but that hadn't been his intention.
"I meant it earlier," she said, her voice firm. "I know you'd never hurt me." She trusted Natsu wouldn't touch her inappropriately. She knew it with every fiber of her being.
It looked like he was debating it, so Lucy placed her hands in front of her, interlocking her fingers before saying, "If you want to wear more, you can, but I promise I don't mind either way. I trust you, Natsu."
He nodded, a smile gracing his lips. "I'm glad."
She watched as he put the shirt down before heading back to his bed, slipping under the covers before looking back at her. Natsu ran his fingers through his hair a few times, Lucy confused by his actions before he said, "Well..."
Lucy said nothing, seeing his brows pinch as he glanced over at her mattress before looking at the space between the two beds. After letting out a long breath, Natsu scooted to the edge of his bed by the wall, lifting the covers.
"Well... Are you coming to bed?"
Natsu hesitantly met her gaze, looking just as nervous as she felt. He must have wondered the same thing, whether or not they were supposed to sleep in separate beds now that it warmed up. She thought he would want his space, but he looked anxious, probably feeling slightly the same way she felt.
Sleeping next to him was a comfort, so maybe, sleeping next to her brought him some comfort as well?
Lucy bit back her grin, trying not to look eager as she said, "Yeah. I'll be right there."
She grabbed Happy off the desk before snatching her pillow off her bed, opting to leave her blanket behind as she climbed on Natsu's mattress. Happy was placed between them, the cat purring loudly as he snuggled against Natsu's chest.
'Lucky,' Lucy thought bitterly before almost laughing at herself, wondering how she became jealous of a cat. 'I'm losing my damn mind.'
Lucy wore a thin shirt and gym shorts that went down to her knees. She thought nothing of it as she curled near Natsu, her legs brushing against his as she got comfortable.
In the candlelight she saw him furrow his brows, ready to ask why he looked confused before he pulled the covers away to look down. His eyes widened a bit before reaching up with his foot, running a toe against her shin. "You... shaved?"
Lucy was too stunned to ask why he was touching her with his foot, struggling for words before she nodded. "Mhmm." She couldn't trust her voice, watching as he blinked a few times before shrugging.
"That's... different."
Lucy did her best to take a subtle deep breath, resting her head against her pillow. She placed a hand on Happy, feeling the vibrations from the feline. "A few things are," she muttered.
If he heard her, he didn't comment. Natsu pulled the covers over them before surprising her by setting a heavy hand over hers, the two holding Happy. Lucy didn't dare move, terrified he would retreat his hand.
His touch, no matter how minuscule, felt right. Lucy found herself relaxing into the bed, her eyes sliding shut. She thought that would be it, content with going to sleep without another word, but Natsu surprised her by asking, "So, uhh. Do you think a full size bed'll do, or should I go bigger?"
Lucy slowly opened her eyes, only to shut them again when she saw Natsu staring right at her. She should have realized how close they were, the two sharing the same air, their faces inches away.
It wouldn't take much effort to lean in and—
"Why are you asking me?" She found her voice, needing to distract from those thoughts. Admiring his body was one thing, but wanting to kiss him? She needed to get control of her hormones.
"I just figured... you'll be sleepin' in it too..."
Lucy bit her inner cheek, wanting to ignore the first thought that popped into her head. 'Is there a chance he wants more?' She had to be reading into things. Just because he wanted to sleep in the same bed didn't mean he wanted a relationship with her. She wasn't going to make things awkward or uncomfortable by acting on her feelings without some reassurance he felt the same way.
And without straight up asking him, she wasn't sure she was ever going to know how he felt, if there was a chance he harbored similar feelings towards her.
But, maybe it was fine that she had some feelings for Natsu. It didn't have to change things between them. Lucy could be content with just being his friend, even if her heart yearned for more.
"Any size is good with me."
Lucy could hear the smile in Natsu's voice as he said, "Awesome. We won't have to go too far. A few blocks at most."
Lucy knew they had grabbed all the supplies from the nearest houses, including all the beds. But, after they had gotten enough beds, they stopped collecting them in favor of using their energy to get essentials they actually needed.
"Do you want a bed frame and stuff?"
Lucy snorted, shaking her head without opening her eyes. "Whatever you get will be fine."
"Okay." He sounded unsure, which reminded Lucy of when she first came to Fairy Tail. He had practically walked on eggshells, but she wanted him to know he didn't have to do that anymore. He hadn't seen it yet, but she was stronger.
'I'll just have to show him,' she thought, yawning before nuzzling against her pillow. "Good night, Natsu."
She felt him move before the faint light was blown out, Natsu lowering himself back onto the bed before giving her hand a squeeze. "G'night."
Lucy didn't have to hide her smile in the dark, relieved they were somewhat back to normal. She wasn't looking forward to their talk tomorrow night, but she had all day to prepare herself for that conversation.
In the meantime, there was one thing that she didn't need to rehearse, her voice a little breathless as she felt sleep pull at her.
"I'm glad you're back."
.
.
.
Thank you so much for reading! Hope y'all liked this chapter! Things haven't been completely resolved (Lucy's going to be hesitant to tell Natsu more personal details and now he's aware of it, and Lucy didn't have to address her feelings towards him, at least to him), but they did get some stuff off their chests. I'll see y'all next time! Thank you again for reading, and please let me know what you thought of this chapter!
If y'all are looking for a new fic to read, I totally recommend checking out ottermadness on ! They have a nalu story called 'Fairies and Dragons' and I am living for it! It's about DD which I've never played before, but I've been curious about it and they explain it so well so it's easy to understand. Also, loving the characterizations! Seriously, go check it out! It's entertaining and informational!
Up next, Chapter Fifty-Seven: Report (Fun fact, every. single. damn time I think of this chapter title, I think of the first Resident Evil movie where that guy grabs Alice and stands her up and says, "Report!")
Thank you for the support on this story! Shout out to those awesome people who left me feedback last time: sthokat, Hayitsmay363, valerioux, MissYukkina, FoxDragon1029, Chivan, stranger1999, sakshishetty3003, sonikastalker, ms. annelily, mehshellgarery, Guest, Guest, Raquenzel, ElementalMiko12, Poprock2363, SistershoOk, aiyannaliszkap, Guest, MeteorWars, llendais, CrazyZaika, CathJorda, Screeney, shootingstarssel, darkestangel944, FlameDragonHime, Sam, Val-Lucy-Heartfilia, Xfangirl123X, Stellar Spirit Mage, samurai of sunflowers, dareaderreads, Doginshoe, Chibi-Umaru, BlueistheOcean, Mandapandaa, CodenameMise, takeagamble27, Duchixx(x2), Reindeerpoop11, mmmm, Lovetoreadff, Guest, annegirl13, Ejjderiaa, Carla, crimsonlotus400, Sydneste, and Cavenexx(x2)! Y'all are seriously amazing! THANK YOU!
Please let me know whatcha thought! See ya next time! :)
Little personal note that kinda goes along with the story:
Back in the end of 2018, someone close to me told me a secret, and I told that secret to someone I thought I could trust at the time. It wasn't my secret to tell, and while my situation and Natsu's and Lucy's isn't the same, it made an uncomfortable situation when the person found out I had told their secret. I can only imagine they're feeling hurt and will be hesitant to trust me in the future. Of course Lucy understands why Natsu told her secret, she just wishes he would have talked to her first instead of running to Makarov. I thought about telling the person I told their secret, but I chanced it and hoped they would never find out, but they did, and it was definitely worse that they found out through another source instead of me. But, yeah, I shouldn't have told in the first place. In case y'all are wondering, the secret was about the affair someone close to me was having. I wish I could say I never told, but really I wish it never happened in the first place, but people make decisions that are out of our control, and we can only choose how we react, and I reacted poorly. Thankfully the affair is over and the person said they forgive me for telling their secret, just asked me not to do it again with future secrets.