Chapter Seventy-Eight: He knows- Part Two
(May 31st, 2018, Thursday Noon)
Natsu took a seat at Lucy's desk, his movements languid after staying up last night. He couldn't sleep, not with the haunting thoughts lingering in his head. There was too much to dissect. He didn't know where to start.
"Are you okay?" Lucy asked, causing him to clench his teeth.
After what they witnessed yesterday, it should have been him asking her that question. Instead, he was lost in his head, trying to make sense of the new information. A sense of failure mixed with the overwhelming emotions boiling in his chest, threatening to rip him apart from the inside out.
Natsu didn't bother lying. He shook his head, eyes on the verge of burning a hole through Lucy's desk as he contained his troubled thoughts, unable to let them spill.
She had patience. He had to give her that. She took the other seat, the silence somehow calming yet deafening at the same time. He lost his thoughts again, much like he had for the past day.
"I..." he started, brows dipping inward as his eyes squinted. Was blurting it out the best option? He had worked with Levy on communicating better, but all that knowledge was lost for the time being.
Natsu's gaze fell on Lucy's still form, wondering if she was breathing with how tense her body appeared. 'I'm probably freaking her out.'
For so long he had been the stable one in their friendship. He was there to pick her up and offer her a shoulder to cry on when things got too rough, but lately it felt like he was on an emotional rollercoaster.
His stomach churned for two reasons. One, he hated thinking about that much motion at once, and two, he didn't want to worry her.
However, could he tell her? Saying it out loud felt like admitting defeat, and Natsu didn't want to accept that.
He wanted to go back and change things, but the future was set in stone.
"I swam in that lake," Natsu said, the wrong words finding him. That earned a quizzical look, her shoulders sinking.
"Oh, okay. I didn't notice?" Her voice was soft, full of a kindness that had his chest easing. However, the tightness rushed back when he had to explain.
"Not yesterday," he said, shaking his head as his gaze fell. He stole a deep breath, trying to ignore the heavenly scent infiltrating his nose. It was sweet but not overpowering. One glance at the edge of her desk revealed a bottle of perfume. He hadn't noticed it before, wondering when Lucy started wearing it. 'Must have just used it... When we got back... Back from—'
"Natsu?"
He jolted, realizing he had spaced out again. "Sorry," he said, biting his lower lip before releasing it with a sigh. "I... Fuck," he groaned, putting his face in his palm. "This is so stupid. I know it is, but I can't... I can't shake this fucking guilt."
"Guilt about what?"
Natsu couldn't look at her. He didn't want to see... Well, he wasn't sure what he would find when he revealed the information. Pain? Anger? Regret?
He held too much regret. It was seared into his bones, not giving him a moment of peace unless he went out of his way to distract himself.
Most of the time, the thoughts he used to distract were just as bad.
"I learned something while we were out there," he said, surprised by the sudden sound from Lucy.
Was it a sharp gasp? Or maybe just a regular inhale? His head was messing with him. It was possible she didn't have a reaction.
"You did?" she asked, the emotions stripped from her voice. The kindness had been chased away, probably by the confusion he caused.
His fingers curled against his face, wanting to shield his emotions, but who was he kidding? Lucy was vulnerable with him. It was safe to be vulnerable with her.
Slowly, his hand dropped. Natsu kept his eyes on the desk for a moment, taking in shallow breaths as he gathered his thoughts. He wanted to construct his sentences well, but when he looked up and met her gaze, he faltered.
There was something in her eyes, something deep and frightening. Was she scared of him? It didn't appear so. Lucy's body was rigid and her lips were pressed into a tight line, but she didn't look afraid of him.
If anything, she wore a look of apprehension.
'Does... she know?'
For a second Natsu's eyes widened, realizing Gray must have told her. He was aware their campsite was so close, and the two talked while on their mission.
Natsu wanted to talk to Lucy, but between the confusion over the new information and him struggling to remain present in the moment, it was better staying away until he figured things out.
That was the plan, until they arrived at Fairy Tail and he was still lost. He needed to sort through his thoughts, but he also couldn't keep avoiding Lucy.
Not only did she deserve at least a reason for his absence during a difficult part of her recovery, he just needed her.
He couldn't describe the pull he felt towards Lucy, the warmth that spread in his chest when they were together. Every time a label tried to slap itself on the situation he peeled it away, sometimes ripping it off so fast he swore he could hear it in his head.
There was no perfect label to describe the friendship they had. Maybe it wasn't healthy relying on each other that much, but he didn't care. If she needed him, he was there. And he knew in his heart she would be there for him too.
So, despite not knowing how he was going to bring it up, Natsu marched himself to Lucy's room, knowing he needed to get it off his chest.
Thinking Gray had cushioned the blow, Natsu was able to admit, "Our campsite was right... right there."
He released his breath, numbness starting at his arms before spreading down to his wrists. He felt both lighter and heavier, struggling to keep eye contact. He waited, expecting a look of recognition, but he found none.
Natsu's brows furrowed at the slight tilt of her head. Her apprehension didn't fade, Lucy continuing to stare at him as if he needed to say more.
"Didn't Gray... tell you?" he asked, surprised when she shook her head.
"Tell me what?"
Natsu's jaw went slack, his lips parting as he reevaluated her earlier expression. He could have sworn she knew what he was going to say, but her confusion proved that theory wrong.
"Oh, uh..." He blinked, weight settling on his chest as the realization came crashing down. There was no warning. Gray hadn't told her, so it was all on him.
He vaguely wondered what she was expecting, but he knew he needed to get it over with. Otherwise, the guilt was going to fester.
Natsu swallowed, the tips of his fingers digging into his jeans before he let up. "I told you about... us camping," he started, feeling his mind wanting to veer off subject. "When this—" He tried gesturing around them, but his wrist felt limp when he lifted his hand. Natsu deflated as the guilt swarmed him once more.
'Maybe it's too late. It's already festering.'
"We were right there," he whispered, knowing how ridiculous he sounded. It didn't chase away the pain. Logic meant nothing when the regret crushed him, reminding him that he could have spared Lucy so much hurt. "Our campsite was right by yours."
Lucy's head jolted back an inch. "What?"
"Yeah," he said, giving a vague shrug. "Right there. Less than a mile away." He couldn't raise his volume until visions of that lake house flashed in his head. The dried blood. The stale stench of death. The chains. The chaos.
He clenched his teeth as his blood boiled, wishing Ivan had been found alive so they could make that bastard feel the same pain he inflicted on Lucy. She didn't deserve any of his mistreatment.
Hell, mistreatment sounded like sugar compared to his heinous acts.
"Natsu?"
"We... could've helped," he growled, the urge to hit something rising. He wanted to yell, scream, and punch something as hard as he could. In the back of his head he recognized the behavior as bad. Levy spent many of her 'lessons' on controlling his temper, but nothing could calm his racing heart. He set his glare on the desk as his nails dug into his legs. Thankfully the jeans protected him, but he craved that pain.
Physical pain was manageable. The emotional turmoil raging in his chest, that he couldn't handle.
He thought he would snap when he recalled seeing her in that gas station. If only he had grabbed her hand and pulled her away.
"Nothing bad would've happened if I'd just gotten you outta there. I just— W-we were right there!"
He wanted so desperately to change the past. He would trade years, no, decades off his life if he could just go back. He could make a difference.
Natsu almost stood so he could leave, needing to dispel the built up frustration and anger from his body. He felt pressure on the bottom of his feet as he made a move to stand, but before he could do it, something grounded him.
It wasn't a harsh grip on his arm. It wasn't a sharp voice telling him to stop.
Her touch was gentle, like a feather caught in the wind.
Emerald eyes snapped up to see Lucy, her arm outstretched as her fingers brushed against his cheek. When she drew her hand back, he saw water on her skin.
'No, not water.'
At some point his vision had blurred without him realizing it, tears racing down his cheeks. Lucy said nothing at first, crouching beside him. She looked up, a mix of sorrow and something else swimming in her brown eyes.
Pain was there, among other things.
Natsu wanted to reach for her, to apologize so she didn't look sad anymore, but he couldn't move.
Couldn't speak.
She touched his face again, her fingers lingering before he subconsciously leaned into her palm. Lucy didn't move, merely giving him a soft, broken smile. "It's okay."
His throat locked while he shook his head. Natsu's voice cracked as he tried protesting, but one swipe of her thumb near the corner of his mouth had him losing his breath.
He had been doing that a lot around her lately, but it felt different now. He didn't have time to analyze the strange feeling, eyes drawn to her lips as she spoke in a whisper.
"You didn't know. There was nothing you could've done," she said, words so sure he almost believed her.
"But, I—" Natsu panicked when he felt her hand slipping. He didn't think as he cupped it, needing to feel her. The thought of losing that connection had his heart sinking, a hiccup disrupting his train of thought before he muttered, "I— L-logically, I get that, but..."
Pain forced its way into his chest, Natsu swearing someone had punched straight through his torso as he looked at her with pleading eyes. He saw it. Not a shred of anger to be found in her deep brown eyes, but he felt it in his heart. He was beyond pissed at himself, even if he knew he couldn't have changed what happened.
He didn't have all the facts. If he had, he would have captured her in an instant and kept her safe, even if he looked like a lunatic doing it.
Lucy must have read his mind, her voice holding a hint of amusement as she said, "Let's be honest Natsu." Her lips quirked into a smile. It both relaxed him and made his teeth clench. He should have been the one comforting her. She had endured the trauma, yet she was lending him a helping hand.
Literally.
"I would've screamed if some random dude came at me telling me we needed to go because he was trying to save me." Her fingertips tickled his skin before her hand started moving. The only reason he didn't firm his grip was because he felt her direction.
She carded her fingers through his pink hair, the sensation sending goosebumps over his skin. "I wouldn't have believed you, but really, it doesn't matter what might've happened."
Lucy hadn't taken her eyes off him, but somehow her stare felt closer than before. He wasn't sure if that made sense, his head a jumbled mess.
"I understand where you're coming from. Trust me, I do. I have my own regrets, but I'm trying to come to terms with them." Lucy took a soft breath before pulling her hand away. He let her go, even if his fingers twitched to stop her from retreating. "You can't beat yourself up about this."
Natsu denied her claim, but she didn't believe him for a second. "I can see you are."
"It's just... I—" Natsu failed to breathe life into his thoughts. They were a scattered mess. He set his head down on the desk, holding back a growl of frustration. He jolted when he felt a hand on his back, but it was quickly withdrawn.
"Natsu, you can't let this hold you down. What's done is done, okay?"
He didn't respond, still refusing to believe he couldn't have done something. She had seemed off that day in the gas station, but to be fair, he hadn't known her. As far as he knew, she had an ex harassing her on the phone and that put her in a sad mood. He didn't know all the trauma she had been dealing with, so really, it wasn't his fault he didn't save her.
It was no one's fault, yet, that didn't stop the guilt.
As Natsu took a shaky breath, Lucy said, "I noticed you were quiet, but I didn't know this was why. I thought it was the house."
Natsu shook his head the best he could against the desk. He sat up, guessing there was a line on his forehead. He ignored the slight ache in his temples as he reached into his pocket, pulling out two things. One was folded, one was face down.
He stared at the note from Igneel, debating like he had all last night how he should ask her. He had looked at it from all angles and kept coming to the same conclusion. If Igneel was involved, he wasn't ready to find out how. He couldn't bear the thought of his father doing something to harm another person, especially if that person was Lucy.
At the same time, he doubted bringing it up to Lucy would do him any good. It had been so long ago. If she knew Igneel then, there was no way she knew where he was now. He had mentioned his dad's name on multiple occasions, and while he could have gone by a fake name, he doubted it would matter.
The chances of finding Igneel through Lucy looked impossible, and rather than drag her through the hell she experienced that day again, he would keep it to himself.
For now.
Maybe when they got back to their 'normal' he would bring it up, ask more about the people in that lake house, but now wasn't the time. Just thinking about that place had his limited energy draining, Natsu wanting to put it all to rest.
'Not all,' he thought as he returned Igneel's note back into his pocket. He stole one last look at the picture before handing it over, saying, "I found this in there."
Natsu found it odd when Lucy glanced at the front before flipping it over, examining the back with careful eyes. Before he could ask, she turned it once more, staring at her past self.
She swallowed, curving the picture slightly before setting it on the desk. "Thank you," she whispered, fingers lingering before she stood.
Natsu watched her move towards the windows, opening one to take a deep breath of fresh air. He didn't ask, imagining it was difficult. From the way that lake house looked, she was probably as surprised as him that something survived.
The room remained silent for a while, Lucy staring out the window while Natsu picked at his cuticles. He failed at hushing his raging thoughts. They hadn't left him alone since he stepped into that lake house.
'No, it was before.'
The incessant confusion living in his head started when he came back from Hargeon. It was just one thing after another. He couldn't process every change before more were thrown his way, and that was before he started getting weird urges regarding Lucy.
Which, thankfully hadn't happened since Laxus announced they were looking for Ivan. 'He's really dead. And I can't even process it because what the fuck happened to Igneel? How was he involved?'
He could speculate all day long, but it wouldn't relieve the pent up frustration he held. 'Maybe I should just ask Lucy now?'
He swallowed hard, the words catching in his throat every time he tried opening his mouth. 'What the hell? Just ask her!'
After a few more failed attempts, Natsu leaned back in his chair, his eyes dull as he looked at his torn up fingernails.
Part of him knew why he couldn't ask. He didn't want to think about it. Breathing life into that theory made him sick. 'What if Igneel was part of their group? What if he turned a blind eye to what they did to her?'
He doubted it. There was no way Igneel was capable of something so sinister. But, the apocalypse was changing people. Gray was a prime example. Natsu was still 'agreeing to disagree' with him on the prison subject. That was yet another thing he couldn't fully process because there was so much other stuff going on.
'Why can't things be simple? Easy?'
Like back when he was just some guy who wanted to be a firefighter, hanging out with his friends on his days off from working at a retail store. His life was free of major complications, but...
'It was also free of Lucy.'
Natsu gnashed his teeth, tempted to pull at his hair to stop his train of thought. Why did he keep coming back to Lucy. It was as if any subject could lead to her. He tested the theory, stealing a deep breath as he imagined a random object.
'A rock.'
'Lucy said I'm her rock.'
Natsu shook his head. 'Okay, um... Fruit.'
'I'd love some watermelon right now. It'd be great if we could grow some. I doubt rabbits would eat them, but if it did lure them in then Lucy's traps will—'
Natsu huffed, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned further back, the front legs of the chair hovering an inch above the ground as he balanced himself.
'Paint! There's no way that'll lead to her. Let's see, when was the last time I painted a room... I think it was a couple years ago. Yeah! 'Cause we got those foam brushes to make the bathroom wall look textured. I wonder how long until the clearers get to my apartment area. I'd love to show Lu—'
He could have groaned, but as soon as he tried, he felt the world shift. The chair fell backwards, Natsu crashing to the ground. The sound of plastic scraping the tile mixed with Lucy's sharp gasp.
"Are you okay?!"
Despite the pain in his tailbone, Natsu couldn't stop himself from barking out a laugh. He imagined he looked ridiculous, sprawled out on the floor, his leg dangling over part of the chair. His laughter hurt his side, but everything hurt after his lack of sleep.
Lucy rushed to his side, inspecting his head before helping him to his feet. "Are you dizzy? Nauseous?"
"Tired," he admitted, pressing his palm to his temple. "And a little light-headed."
Goosebumps dotted his skin as Lucy brushed past him, righting her chair. He had to move away, his weird cravings beginning to stir. They had to go away at some point, right? If they didn't, he would be left feeling awkward around her for the rest of their lives, however short they might be.
He didn't want that. Natsu loved being around her, teasing, laughing, swapping stories. Simply existing near her used to make him comfortable, but half the time he was on edge now, battling with his conflicting thoughts.
"You should be more careful," Lucy warned, but it was quickly followed by an exasperated chuckle. "What am I going to do with you?"
'I can think of a few things.'
Natsu's face tingled with heat as he cleared his throat, averting his eyes. How long would it take before everything went back to 'normal'?
He was starting to think that wasn't possible.
"I should prolly get going," he forced out, wanting to stay but knowing it wasn't in his best interest. "Catch a nap or something."
"Oh, okay," Lucy said, a hint of disappointment in her voice. However, when he looked her way, she wore a soft smile. "Thank you for bringing me the picture."
"Yeah. It uh... I found it in the living room."
Confirming his earlier theory, Lucy said, "I thought Ivan destroyed everything..." She turned, eyeing him through her peripherals. "Did... you find anything else? Personal?"
Natsu raised a brow. "Not that I saw. Why?" He tilted his head. "Something you were hoping got spared?"
"No," she rushed out, shaking her head as she faced him. "Just, curious. I mean, there were a lot of pictures, but I'm sure they're all gone."
Natsu's heart fell. "I'm sorry," he whispered, knowing how badly that would hurt if all his pictures were gone. He didn't have access to them, but he hoped they were still safe on his laptop. That was, if no one broke into his place to gather supplies.
Honestly, could he be mad if someone did? Fairy Tail did that. The world had changed, and it wasn't feasible to follow all the laws.
"It's not your fault," she said, her genuine tone not enough to soothe him.
'Then why do I feel so fucking guilty?'
Natsu took a deep breath, wondering if he should abandon his idea of things returning to 'normal'. It kept changing. At first, he wanted society to return to the way it was before the outbreak. Then when he brought Lucy back to Fairy Tail, he wanted to return to the time when he wasn't acting as a caregiver to a virtual stranger.
After forging a friendship with Lucy then coming back from Hargeon, Natsu wanted things to go back to when Lucy was in maintenance and he didn't have to worry about her safety. Where she was his roommate and he got to see her every night.
Now...
He just wanted to go back to when he didn't think of Lucy in any odd ways. His heart raced when she got too close, he craved her in a way no friend should want another friend. He did his best to deny what was happening, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew.
He wouldn't acknowledge it. If he could be patient, the weird feelings would go away, and he wouldn't feel like a piece of him was gone every time they were apart.
"Don't give me that look," Lucy said, narrowing her eyes.
Natsu tensed, wondering if he had been caught. There was no way she knew what he was thinking, right?
"You're beating yourself up again, aren't you?" she asked, causing him to drop his shoulders.
"Y-yeah," he mumbled, thankful she hadn't read his mind. He wasn't lying, he did still feel like there was something he could have done differently. If he paid attention better, he would have seen she was in distress in that gas station. He could have extended a helping hand, offered to exchange numbers so they could talk.
Although, that wasn't something he would have done normally. He liked his small group of friends, and while he was open to being friendly with people, he didn't make a habit of investing himself in other people randomly.
He met his closest friends, Gray and Erza, at the orphanage. The rest were met through them. When the outbreak started he made the mistake of getting close to his roommates, which made the loss hurt deeper than if he had kept an emotional distance.
He couldn't see himself handing some girl his phone number, so that theory was out.
'Maybe if I was a flirt like Lyon I would've taken a different kind of interest?' Natsu resisted shaking his head, realizing it wouldn't have mattered how he got her number. Lucy said she left her phone at the hospital when shit went down.
Natsu nearly snorted as he watched Lucy repeat her words from before, but his thoughts kept him from fully paying attention. He couldn't help but think about how strange it would be to act flirty. He wouldn't know where to start.
He swallowed when Lucy ended her speech with a smile, showing him she would be alright despite the hardships she endured. He nodded, agreeing while also worrying that it wouldn't be as easy to shake his newfound feelings. It was getting increasingly harder to ignore that something had changed. He wasn't sure when it started.
Was it when they went to Everlue's house and saw his sex room? That certainly hadn't helped, but he remembered an incident before that. After he found out about Lucy being a runner, he confronted her on the football field.
His face grew red again when he remembered how snug her clothes wrapped around her body, every curve accentuated. Just thinking about it had Natsu's fingers twitching, but he kept his distance.
He never wanted to make Lucy uncomfortable or violate her trust.
Natsu allowed himself a few extra seconds to think about Lucy in those tight jeans and tank top, but the flame in his stomach was quickly doused when he remembered who was with her in that field.
Hibiki, Fairy Tail's biggest flirt.
Well, second now that Loke had joined them.
Natsu grit his teeth while keeping his face neutral, not wanting to alarm Lucy as she told him about a time she chose studying instead of sleeping and ended up missing the exam because she passed out.
He nodded along, but all he could think about was the fact that Lucy chose Hibiki over him that day. A burning sensation hit his chest when he recalled how angry he had been. Not only had he been pissed about Gray's point of view over the Hargeon thing, he felt replaced by Hibiki.
His brain hadn't cared about logic. Yes, it made sense why she chose to avoid him that day. She wanted to keep her new job a secret for a little longer, but she still chose Hibiki to hang out with.
And, the more he thought about it, the more it bothered him. He had never been as hurt when his friends chose to hang out with other people instead of him, so why did it matter that she wanted to spend time with Hibiki?
Cana's words ran in his ears, asking him if he was jealous.
He had been jealous, but he was starting to think it was in a different way than he was used to. Maybe he wasn't jealous of a friend hanging out with another friend, maybe he—
Natsu forced himself to stop thinking, refusing to go there. He wasn't going to acknowledge it, no matter what. The sooner he could put the weird feelings to rest, the better.
"Are you okay?" Lucy asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.
He jerked away without thinking, muttering an apology as he hung his head. Was there any hope of things returning to normal? Every time she touched him he had a strong reaction.
"Don't be sorry," Lucy said, the look in her eyes showing she wasn't upset. "I was just about to say you looked spaced out, and I guess I was right?"
Natsu gave a slight nod, a sense of hopelessness rushing down his spine. He didn't want to be a nervous wreck around her. Things had been good between them before. Why did his brain and hormones have to fuck things up?
"I'm sure some sleep will help," Lucy said, leaning against the desk with her hands lightly gripping the edge. He stared at her right hand for a moment, focusing on the tattoo before imagining how her hand would feel against him.
To his relief, he pictured something tame, Lucy's hand sliding down his arm or winding herself around him in a hug. He could really go for one right about now, but he wished there were no time limits. If he could just hold her for a few minutes, maybe then he could calm the confusion in his head.
Though, the more they touched, the more persistent his thoughts grew.
"Come on," Lucy said, her deep brown eyes fixed on his as she nodded towards the door. "We can talk later after you get some rest."
"Sounds good," Natsu sighed, following her. His feet were as heavy as his heart. Sleep would hopefully soothe both problems. Or, at the very least, delay him having to confront them.
'This'll clear up,' he thought, though it didn't ease the knot in his stomach. 'It can't last forever.'
He couldn't afford to explore his fleeting feelings. There was too much at stake, Natsu not willing to risk his friendship or his heart.
"Thank you for caring about me," Lucy said when she reached the door, her words causing him to startle.
Had he said something out loud?
Lucy wore a smile, grabbing the handle. "I'm glad I have people like you in my life now. It makes all the difference."
Natsu's chest warmed, finding a sliver of hope. They were just going through a weird time in their friendship. Things would get back to normal. Or, better than normal. He wanted a place where both of them were mentally and emotionally stable, and soon kicking ass together.
He was going to start going on runs again. Since they would be seeing more of each other, he needed to keep himself in check, especially when they were off base.
"I'm also glad we're back," Lucy said, carrying the conversation. "I hope things are kind of boring around here for a while. I think I had more," she tipped her head, "I don't want to say excitement, but that was eventful.'
Natsu nodded. "You can say that again." Even if finding Ivan dead was anticlimactic, witnessing the horrors of that house was enough to give him nightmares. 'No wonder she couldn't sleep when she first got here.'
It was a miracle she ever trusted another person after all that.
Lucy took a deep breath, hesitating. Her teeth caught her bottom lip as she slowly let her hand fall from the handle. "Is it..." She shook her head, but Natsu's curiosity was piqued.
"What?"
Her eyes bounced around the room, much like they had the night he returned from Hargeon. Before his stomach could sink from that memory, Lucy mumbled, "It's probably not a good idea, but... with how hectic everything's been... I was just wondering if, if you wanted a hug or something?"
Natsu's stomach dropped when she made eye contact, worried about that much physical contact. Hugs used to be simple, but now he risked spurring up more weird feelings.
Despite all that, he couldn't deny the truth.
"I'd like that," he whispered, unable to stay away. He felt an undeniable pull towards Lucy, like she was a magnet. His magnet. He didn't want to get away, but staying close proved problematic as well.
Natsu slung an arm over her shoulder blades while wrapping his other around her back. Lucy tucked herself into his chest, her face pressed against his collarbone. He stared at the door as a rush of emotions hit him at once, his body feeling fuzzy yet alive every time he had her in his arms.
Words couldn't describe the sense of safety he felt with her. Natsu knew he was strong, fast, and always up for a fight. Yet, feeling her arms around him made him feel weak.
'No,' he thought, knowing that wasn't the right word. 'I don't feel weak, just... like I could break.'
He felt fragile.
Vulnerable.
Like Lucy had the power to shatter him if she wanted, and that had Natsu ending the hug. His heart pounded at the thought of pain, fearing the emotions swirling in his chest. He couldn't look at her, dread clawing its way to the top of his list.
He couldn't risk getting hurt, so he grabbed the door handle and pulled. "I'll see you later," he said, shifting so his back was turned towards her. He did his best to keep his tone light, but from the lack of smile in her voice, he guessed Lucy sensed something was wrong.
"Oh... Okay. Tell Happy I said hi?"
"Will do," he mumbled, his throat threatening to close if he didn't get the hell out of there.
Natsu stepped into the hall, feeling some of his anxiety shedding as he moved away from Lucy's room. However, he also felt that piece of him slipping away again, as if it stayed with Lucy and he merely visited it now.
'This is so fucking irritating!'
Natsu clenched his teeth and fists, wishing he could drop the weirdness and go back to things being simple between Lucy and him. 'When will things return to normal? Is it even possible for them to?'
He refused to end his friendship with Lucy. That was out of the question, but he couldn't even put distance between them. It didn't seem to matter how long he stayed away, his confusion over Lucy haunted him for the better part of the day.
Distracting himself proved fruitless. Even after exercising, walking around the school, taking a shower, listening to music, watching a movie, and laying in the middle of the football field, Natsu couldn't keep his mind off Lucy.
He considered visiting Levy to discuss his troubles, but he decided against it. Levy would probably think he was strange if he told her he was having weird feelings about Lucy... He wasn't sure she could help with the Igneel situation either, and she would definitely repeat the same stuff Lucy said when it came to their campsite being right by Lucy's lake house.
'How fucking stupid am I?' he thought as he headed back to his room, his clothes damp from the light rain that came out of nowhere. 'We're in the middle of a fucking zombie apocalypse, and I'm here worried over my dumb emotions.'
He thought once more about seeing Levy, but he didn't veer from his path. There was too much to dive into. Besides, he wanted to be left alone.
He got his wish, until about an hour before dinner.
Natsu was startled by a knock on his door, wondering who came to see him. Pulling his lone earbud out, he forced himself up on shaky legs. He never succeeded in getting a nap, his mind refusing to give him a moment of peace. His body protested the movement, but he managed to reach his door, pulling it open.
He expected Lucy or Gray. Maybe even Laxus telling him they had to have a meeting over their mission. The last person he expected to see was Hibiki, Natsu's brows furrowing as he gripped the handle tighter.
"Uh..." As if forgetting, he peered in the room before looking back at Hibiki. "Lucy's not here."
"I know," he said, shifting his weight to the other foot while his fingers curled over his thumb. For a split second Natsu thought he was going to throw a punch, but Hibiki never raised his fist. "I just saw her."
"Oh."
Natsu's stomach jerked, but he ignored it. He was more focused on Hibiki's tone and body language. They didn't have a lot of interactions, so it was tough to say for certain, but Hibiki seemed... nervous.
He was fidgeting with his hands, unable to stand still, but his voice suggested he wasn't upset. Natsu wasn't sure what to think, but luckily for him, Hibiki broke his concentration by saying, "I came to see you."
Before Natsu could process that, Hibiki added, "Can we talk?"
.
.
.
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Up next, Chapter Seventy-Nine: Blessing
Let me know what you thought and/or what the next title might be! I'm excited for what's coming up next in the story! Hope you are too! :D Have a great day/night!