*This chapter is all flashback. This is some backstory for Natsu. If you'd like to skip/skim this chapter, I totally understand. Ch. 81 will continue with where the story left off. This flashback was supposed to be a few paragraphs, but it got away from me. If you do read it, I hope you enjoy. If not, I'll see you next time!

Warning: Mentions of character death, depression, and child abuse (neglect and malnutrition).

Chapter Eighty: The show must go on

For the first time in Natsu's life, he was truly happy.

Everything was perfect. His two best friends had been adopted into loving homes, and Natsu found his forever family too. Igneel and Angela were awesome. Lots of park visits and quality time at home. They didn't seem bored when he would tell them all about his day, even telling him he did a good job on his tests, even when he didn't make the best grades.

Zeref seemed to be coming around too. Natsu blamed Zeref's moodiness on being a teenager. He swore he was never going to be like that when he grew up. He was going to be nice to people and not a big grouch.

But, Zeref was making an effort. Natsu saw him talking with their new mom about his plans for the future. He said he was checking out local colleges so he didn't have to leave the area, and that made Natsu happy.

He loved his family, wanted to keep them close.

Of course, Natsu shouldn't have let his guard down. He thought everything had finally fallen into place, but a year and a half after being adopted into the 'Dragneel' family, something strange happened.

(January 5th, 2008, Saturday Morning)

*Natsu is 10½ years old*

It was just a normal day, Natsu hanging out at the park with his friends. His mom scheduled a playdate so they could see each other one more time before winter break ended. Lyon and Ultear were there too. They were Gray's new siblings. Natsu was a little jealous. He wanted more family too.

The weather was still cold outside, but the sun had come out and was melting most of the snow away. Natsu and Gray still tried to have a snowball fight. Natsu won, naturally, but Gray was too big of a sore loser to admit it.

"I got dirt in my eyes! I'm going to the swings!"

"No way! That's just loser talk! Come here and fight me!"

"Make me!"

"Boys," Erza warned, causing them to grumble as they found other things to do.

Natsu crunched the leftover snow under his boots, loving the flame print on them. He imagined they were melting the snow with every step. Normally he didn't like the cold weather, but it was okay today.

He was halfway through a laugh when he heard shouting, expecting to see Lyon and Gray in another fight. They got along for the most part, but Lyon was like Natsu. Competitive. Sometimes Gray didn't like to compete.

Natsu looked up, surprised when he saw Gray's mom and Erza's mom standing in front of a bench. He started walking towards them, wondering if one of his friends got hurt. Judging by how panicked they sounded, he guessed something bad happened.

'Probably a scraped knee again.'

His friends were a rowdy bunch.

It wasn't hard to squeeze between the moms, Natsu's eyes widening when he saw his mom hunched over, hand pressed against her belly.

It wasn't uncommon to see his mom grabbing at her belly. She complained of pains there often, but every time she went to the doctors they said there wasn't anything wrong. Natsu knew she had diabetes. While he didn't completely understand it, he knew one thing that made her feel better.

"Mom? Do you need some insulin?"

"Nnnmm," she grunted, shaking her head. "No dear, just some cramps."

Natsu frowned, looking up to see the adults. They were talking quickly, Gray's mom pulling her phone out before asking his mom if she could stand.

He turned back to his mom in time to see her nodded. "Y-yeah," she started, one hand pressing against the bench as she tried to lift herself. "See? I'm fiIIINNNNEE!" she screamed as she fell, causing Natsu to jump.

"Mom?!"

"Get back sweetie," Erza's mom said, pulling him away while Gray's mom put her phone to her ear.

"Yes, I'm at the park on sixth and Baker. We need an ambulance, my friend is—"

Erza's mom tugged on Natsu's wrist, bringing him back to the other kids and out of hearing range. "Just stay with your friends. Your mom's going to be okay. She just needs to go to the hospital."

"What's wrong with her?!" Natsu shouted, trying to go back to his mom, but she wouldn't allow him to pass.

"We're not sure, but the doctors will help her. She needs you to stay here though, okay?"

Natsu's lower lip wobbled as he stared at his mom, her face scrunched up in pain. He wanted to help, but he stood there, lost and confused.

'What's wrong with her?'

(April 16th, 2008 Wednesday Afternoon)

*3½ months later*

The following months were hectic at the Dragneel residence. The calendar on the fridge was full of doctor appointments that never seemed to end. Every time Natsu asked what was wrong with mom, his dad would just tell him, "Nothing you need to worry about."

Natsu wanted to believe his dad, but he couldn't. Something was wrong with mom. She spent a lot of her time in bed. That wasn't unusual at first. When Natsu and Zeref were adopted, they were told their new mom had a few health conditions, some explained, others a mystery.

She was still able to play with them, bring them with her to run errands or go see things around town. She would spend time with them outside on summer days when school was out, but often she would be too exhausted by the time the sun went down, sleeping through dinner until late the next morning.

Natsu hadn't complained. He was happy to be with a loving family. So what if his mom got sleepy sometimes? He didn't think it was a big deal, but now—

Now he was worried.

If his mom wasn't in bed, she was being brought to the hospital again. He heard her crying in the bedroom a few times, but whenever he would go check on her, she would assure him everything was alright.

She would put on a brave face, but Natsu was starting to see through it. There was a look in her eyes, similar to the look Gray had when he came back from a bad foster family and wouldn't hang out with them for a few days.

Something was wrong, but he didn't know what.

"Hey Zeref," Natsu said when he came home, finding his brother in the living room. He frowned when he didn't respond, but then he noticed the headphones. With a huff, Natsu tossed his backpack behind the couch, deciding to do his homework later.

He ventured through the house, shoulders falling when he realized his parents weren't home. A glance at the calendar said his mom had another appointment. The word 'Biopsy' was written above it, but Natsu didn't know what that meant, assuming it was the name of a doctor.

Seeing as he had no clue when his parents would be home, Natsu headed to the backyard to play. Natsu loved their house. It was in a quiet part of Magnolia, way quieter than at the orphanage. He ran towards a ball to play with, knowing each time he bounced it the sound would echo. Seconds before he could get his small hands on the ball, he heard something on his right side.

Glancing towards the trash cans beside the shed, Natsu saw movement. He gasped, nearly stumbling as he changed directions and ran towards it. When he got close, he slowed down, mouth parting when he saw a blue tail sticking out from a set of bushes. At first he thought it was a small dog, but after reaching in and pulling the animal out, he realized it was a cat.

"Oh wow!"

The cat squirmed in his grip, but Natsu didn't let go. He got scratched a few times, but when he saw what the cat had been doing, he realized how to get it to like him.

Inside the bushes was pieces of trash, food wrappers specifically. Natsu didn't think as he brought the cat inside, letting it loose in his room while he went to grab some food from the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" Zeref called once he turned on the microwave.

"Heating up my leftovers," he said, yelping when something inside the microwave sparked.

"Idiot!" his older brother yelled, running into the kitchen to turn off the microwave. He pulled out the leftover chicken with a scowl. "You're supposed to take it out of the foil first."

"How was I supposed to know that?" Natsu asked, glaring at Zeref.

It didn't seem to faze him, his brother dumping the chicken on a plate before discarding the foil with Natsu's name written on it. With a huff, Zeref stuffed the plate back in the microwave. "You're not supposed to be cooking at all."

"Well, I'm hungry."

"Then tell me."

"You had headphones in. How was I supposed to tell you?"

"Are you really this stupid? Just get my attention." Zeref slammed the microwave door shut before pressing some buttons. "Take it out when it beeps, and don't go using it again."

"Why are you being mean today?" Natsu asked, frowning when Zeref threw him a dirty look. His brother didn't reply, merely turning away and leaving the kitchen.

It had his stomach falling. Zeref wasn't always the nicest, but he had never insulted Natsu before. "What's his problem?" he muttered, casting the thought away when the microwave beeped.

Pulling out the plate, Natsu went to his bedroom, easily winning the cat's interest when he fed him some pieces of chicken. Natsu ate most of it himself, not knowing whether his parents would be home for dinner.

"You wanna keep me company while I wait for my mom and dad to get home?" Natsu asked, earning a trill from the cat. "You sure like that chicken?" He pet the cat's back, feeling and hearing it purr. "Bet that makes you happy, huh? Way better than garbage."

Natsu smiled as he pulled the cat into his lap, feeling warmth in his chest as he scratched beneath the cat's chin. "Do you wanna live here? I'm sure my parents won't mind."

Natsu didn't wait for an answer, not that he thought he would get one. He leaned back, resting his head against his bed as he took a deep, calming breath. Things were a little hectic, but they would get better.

'They have to.'

(May 3rd, 2008 Saturday Morning)

*2 weeks later*

"Hey... Zeref?"

Natsu stared at the door, his fist loose by his side. He swallowed, but the weird emptiness in his chest didn't go away. "Zeref?"

Still, no answer.

The house was quiet. It had been quiet for a while now, ever since his mom couldn't come home.

"Zeref?"

Natsu pressed his lips into a tight line, tears lining his eyes as he knocked again. "Zeref?"

"Leave me alone."

"C-can you open the door?"

When Natsu was met with painful silence, he tried the knob once more, but it didn't budge. "Pl-please?"

He put his ear to the door, but he couldn't hear anything on the other side. Natsu pulled away, his stomach twisting as he accepted defeat. His body had never felt heavier as he moved to his room, feeling the slightest bit of happiness when his cat greeted him.

That joy he got whenever he saw his cat was the reason behind his name, Happy. He made the world a little brighter, which, lately he needed that. Things felt dark lately. Even when his dad came home, he didn't bother turning on much lights. He never used the TV anymore, never asked Natsu if he wanted to play outside.

Ever since his mom had to stay at the hospital, things had become bleak.

He knew that word because it was on his vocab test last week, but he wished he didn't feel it in real life.

Natsu sighed, the pit in his stomach growing worse the longer he stayed in the silence. He gave Happy a kiss on the forehead, petting him down the back three times before going to the living room. He had overheard part of his dad's conversation on the phone on his way out the door. Natsu wasn't sure who he was talking to, but he said a word Natsu hadn't heard before.

He wanted to ask Zeref, but he had shut himself in his room again. His brother started doing that a lot. It seemed like he didn't want anything to do with... Well, anyone.

Natsu moved to the bookcase on the wall, pulling out a dictionary. He wasn't sure how to spell the word, so he tried sounding it out.

"In... In... Hmmm, In...o. Inop... Inopa? No, Inope... Here it is! Inoperable!" Natsu would have cheered for finding the word his dad said, but after his eyes flitted over the definition, every ounce of energy vanished in his body.

"Inoperable," he mumbled, eyelids drooping as he faced reality. "Not treatable by surgery."

He wasn't sure how that word played into his family, but he knew his father sounded miserable saying it that morning. He was going to the hospital again today, to see his wife.

Natsu's mom.

The mom he had been waiting so long to have, and now he hadn't seen her in what felt like months, even if it had only been ten days.

He missed her, missed how they all used to be a year back. Why couldn't things go back to normal? He was finally happy, finally felt secure with a family, but things didn't make sense anymore.

"I hope you come back home soon, mom," Natsu whispered, closing the book before putting it away.

His feet dragged as he retreated to his bedroom, not in the mood to play today. He grabbed Happy, bringing him to his bed before the two took a nap.

At least cuddled up with his cat, in the safety of his room, he could pretend things would be okay.

(June 30th, 2008 Monday Morning)

*2 months later*

Natsu understood death.

What he didn't understand was why his mom was dead. He stared at her face, eyes and cheeks no longer sunken like they had been the last time he saw her, which was just a week ago.

Natsu and Zeref were brought to the hospital, taken to see their mom who was hooked up to all kinds of crazy machines. Her face had been more pale than even Gray's, which Natsu didn't think was possible.

His mom had told them how much she loved them, how much she wished she could see them get older. Natsu hadn't understood what was happening at the time. He hugged his mom, told her he couldn't wait to show her his new cat when she came home. That had her tearing up, but she nodded and said, "I'd love to meet him."

They went to spend the night at Erza's house after that. Mr. Scarlet dropped them off at their house the next morning. Their dad was home, waiting for them in the living room. He sat Natsu and Zeref down on the couch and told them their mom had lost the fight.

Stage four inoperable pancreatic cancer and liver failure. Something about tumors and chemo not working? His dad said it wasn't caught in time, and then he started crying.

Natsu had never seen his father cry. His dad was the toughest person alive, and yet he was bawling in their living room, unable to finish another sentence. He left to go to the bedroom, leaving the boys sitting on the couch with too many unanswered questions.

Natsu tried asking them to Zeref, but he left too, seeking out his own bedroom.

Natsu sat on that couch for another hour, unable to process the new information. He didn't even understand what losing a battle to cancer meant until a few days later when Gray's mom came over to help Natsu pick out an outfit for the funeral.

When Natsu asked who died, Ur broke down in tears.

It hit Natsu hard when he realized his mom wasn't coming home. He shook his head and screamed, telling Ur to stop lying, but she didn't take it back. He didn't stop until Ur wrapped her arms around him, telling him it would be alright.

"You're not alone," she had said, stroking her hand through his wild pink hair as she held him tight. "We'll all get through this, for your mom's sake."

Natsu went to sleep that night with tears in his eyes, and when he woke up the next morning, he found out it hadn't been a cruel nightmare.

His mom was really dead, and Natsu didn't know what to do with that.

He tried talking to Zeref again, but he was shut out.

His dad wasn't talkative either, his stare vacant whenever he wasn't locked away in his room.

The funeral came and went, Natsu reading over the little folded paper that had a picture of his mom when she was younger.

Angela Mary Dragneel

Natsu traced a finger over the paragraph that mentioned his little family, his chest aching at how small it felt now.

She is survived by her husband, Igneel, and their two sons, Zeref and Natsu.

It mentioned his dad more in other paragraphs, about how they had been childhood friends and high school sweethearts. They were married for fifteen years.

He found out a lot of stuff about his mom he didn't know. Stuff he wished he had found out over the years as they got to know each other.

Like, his mom loved to go on boat rides, and she climbed a mountain once. Natsu wanted nothing more than to clench his fists and scream about how unfair life was, but he was very gentle with that piece of paper. It told part of his mom's story, and he hoped his dad would fill in the rest.

Little did he know, that wasn't going to happen.

(June 30th, 2009 Tuesday Morning)

*1 year later*

*Natsu is a few days away from turning 12*

Natsu's head turned when he heard a knock at the door. He ignored it at first, continuing his drawing of a building on fire. He was about to draw the water to put it out, but another round of knocking stole his attention.

He listened for a moment, eyes widening when the sound didn't stop. Natsu stood, padding his way to the doorway of his room, stopping once he saw a large shadow pass by. He took a step back, nose scrunching at the foul odor that drifted into his room.

It smelled like his dad hadn't showered in a while. He knew he had no room to talk. It had been about a week since his last cold shower. Natsu couldn't find the energy to do the simple task.

He listened as his father answered the door, Natsu's thin fingers curling against the doorframe as he stepped closer to the hall. He couldn't make out what his dad was saying, but he did recognize the voice of the visitor.

It was Erza's dad, Mr. Scarlet. Natsu didn't care much for the man. He was too strict, always yelling at Natsu whenever he came over. Natsu was glad he wasn't placed in that family. Erza seemed a better fit for them, but then again, he hadn't felt suited for his own family lately.

What was left of it, anyway.

Zeref had already left last month. The day after he graduated high school he was gone, taking only a bag of stuff and leaving a note in its place.

I'm leaving. Don't look for me. -Zeref

He hadn't even left a forwarding address, his high school diploma still sealed in an envelope on the kitchen table. There were other sealed envelopes, most with red stamps on them saying 'Final Notice'. His dad was going to take care of those.

Soon, he hoped. It would be nice to have electricity again.

"Look at you."

Natsu finally made out something that was said, but he soon realized that was because they were coming closer. Loud footsteps filled the quiet house as his dad passed his room, Mr. Scarlet on his heels.

"You can't keep running away from this Igneel."

"Can we do this another day?" Igneel asked, the sound of his voice hollow. "Any day but today."

"I don't think you have another day," Mr. Scarlet said before Natsu struggled to hear, slowly stepping out of his room to follow them. It wasn't hard to be sneaky. They were being loud, and the house was dark. "I know what today is. That's why I came over."

"To harass me?"

"To knock some sense into you! Jeez! When was the last time you showered? You smell like a wet dog."

"If you're just going to insult me—"

"I don't want to man, but come on. You have to admit this isn't healthy."

Natsu popped his head around the corner just as his dad took a seat at the kitchen table. It surprised him that he didn't go to his bedroom, but considering Mr. Scarlet wasn't leaving him alone, he probably figured it was for the best.

"I know you miss her," he started, earning a grunt from Igneel.

"It's only been a year. Of course I miss her."

"I get that, but you can't wallow in this forever. At some point you should have stood up and kept moving, but it's like you're frozen in time."

"It's not that simple."

"I know. Trust me, I know. It's not the same, but when I lost my mom a few years back I thought my world was ending, but I couldn't sit in my own sadness. I had a wife and daughter to look after. You need to be there for your kids. Well, I guess kid now. I heard Zeref took off."

"I didn't want him to go, if that's what you're implying."

"I'm not implying shit. I'm trying to figure out a way to pull you out of this... Shit, what even happened to you? Do you still have a job at least?"

Natsu swallowed as tears lined his eyes. He had been wondering the same thing. It had been a few months since his dad stopped going. It started with him missing a few days a week until finally his dad didn't leave the house unless it was to buy groceries. Of course, most of the stuff he got were microwavable meals. It wasn't as much food as they used to eat before his mom passed, but it was enough to get them by.

His dad had some good days where he cleaned up nice enough to go outside or meet up with the other parents. They went to a barbeque a few months ago where his dad seemed normal. His dad even talked some, but there wasn't as much joy in his father's voice.

It was better than nothing, but when his dad got home, he was back to being what Natsu thought of as a zombie. Mindless, with distant eyes and an odor to go with it. He had done his best the past school year to pretend everything was normal at home, but honestly, school had become a safe place.

Igneel never physically hurt him, but he felt the neglect.

It made Natsu wonder if he was better off going back to the orphanage. At least there he wasn't so lonely.

"I'm on a leave of absence."

"For how long?"

"Until I'm ready to go back."

"When will that be?"

"I don't know!"

"Well you need to figure it out! Don't think I don't notice all the lights are out! Do you even have running water?!"

Natsu flinched when his dad shot up, marching over to the sink to slam his hand against the handle of the faucet. Water rushed out, causing Igneel to yell, "Happy now?!"

"NO! Just because you still have water doesn't mean the rest of this is okay!"

"God, can you just leave me alone?"

"I'm not going anywhere until you at least do one thing right. Hell, you weren't even there for your son's graduation. I can't imagine how much that hurt him?"

"He told me not to come."

"What?"

"Zeref—" Igneel swallowed, his voice thick as he said, "He told me not to come. Said... Said I'd embarrass him."

"Fucking hell. Was that not a wake up call?"

"I'm trying my best here!"

"Well try harder! What are you gonna do?! Hide from the world until the city takes your house?"

"They can try," Igneel warned, but there was no threat in his voice. Only defeat.

"They are trying!"

Natsu watched as Mr. Scarlet grabbed a handful of envelopes, tossing them in the air. "You can't ignore all these problems! I get it, your wife died, and that sucks. That really fucking sucks, man, but you can't keep living like this. What would Angela say?"

Natsu shut his eyes as he jerked his head back, unable to watch when his dad sobbed. It was so sudden, or maybe it wasn't. Maybe he was just holding back the entire time he had a visitor, but hearing his late wife's name had him reduced to tears.

It had the same effect on Natsu, his heart torn as he remembered how much he loved his mom. He wanted her back, but she was gone.

Six feet under, one year exactly.

"I gotcha, Igneel. Just let it out. I know it hurts."

"I just..." More cries, Igneel's voice splintering, but the words were clear enough for Natsu to hear. "I wish I never fell in love at all."

Green eyes opened, letting that sentence sink in. 'He wishes he never loved mom... But, why?'

"You don't mean that."

"I do. I've thought about it every single damn day since she... she..."

Natsu pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs as he pressed his mouth to his inner upper arm. He tried keeping his volume low, fighting a losing battle with his tears. Would they ever stop? Would the pain ever go away?

Igneel continued, forever changing Natsu's mindset on love and relationships as he said, "If I knew it was going to hurt this much to lose her, I never, and I mean never would have fallen in love."

Natsu couldn't listen anymore, nearly stumbling as he carried himself to his room. That was all too much, Natsu's stomach in knots and his head hurting from all the confusing thoughts. He wanted things to be simple, wondering why there had to be complex emotions out there.

If love was that great, why did it hurt his dad so much? Why fall in love if it always ended in heartbreak?

Natsu swore his heart was going to break when he thought about how his family had fallen apart. His mom was dead, Zeref was gone, and his dad had withdrawn from the world.

'I'd be better off away from here. Then dad wouldn't have to deal with me...'

Natsu grabbed his backpack, emptying it of last year's notebooks and school supplies before going to his closet. He grabbed a handful of sweatshirts and sweatpants. They were meant for winter, so he would sweat through them quickly, but it was all he had that was clean. He had learned to do laundry on his own, but with the power off, he wasn't able to continue.

Natsu returned to his bed to start packing. Seconds before he could shove them in his backpack, he heard a soft knock on his door, followed by the handle turning.

The natural light pouring in from the open window allowed Igneel to see what his son was doing. Natsu remained frozen, hands hovering over his backpack as he stared up at his dad in shock.

For the first time in months, probably all year, it looked like Igneel actually saw him.

"What are you..." Igneel's voice trailed off as he looked at the bed, eyes widening and mouth parting. "Please don't."

"I-I wasn't—"

Natsu didn't get the lie out, his dad rushing to him before scooping him up in his arms. For a split second he worried his dad might punish him for thinking about running away, but instead he felt and heard his father crying, his arms wrapped tight as he murmured an apology over and over again.

"I'm so sorry. I never— I never meant for it to get this b-bad. I'm sorry. I'll... I'll do better. I promise you, son. I swear on my life I'll do better. Just, god please don't leave me, Natsu. Please. You're all I have left, and I can't lose you. Please."

Natsu had to swallow his own sobs, forehead pressed to his father's chest as he whispered, "O-okay. I-I won't leave."

"Thank you! I'm so sorry, Natsu. I'll fix this, I promise you. St-starting with a shower." He pulled back, holding out Natsu's arms to see the dirt clinging to his skin.

That wasn't all Igneel found. Natsu's arms were all skin and bone, barely any meat. Natsu watched as Igneel's expression crumbled all over again, telling Natsu he was going to make sure he never missed a meal again.

"I'm so sorry, son. I'm— I'm so freakin' sorry."

"It's okay dad," Natsu whispered, but that only made his father cry harder.

"It's not! I'm sorry, I-I failed you. I promise I'll do better!"

"I knew it wasn't good, but I never thought it was this bad," Mr. Scarlet said from the doorway. Natsu hadn't noticed he arrived. "If we knew it had gotten like this, we would have stepped in earlier... Igneel, let Natsu go."

"Please don't take him from me," Igneel begged, causing Mr. Scarlet to shake his head.

"I'm not trying to. I ordered a pizza. Let's get some food into you two before we figure this out."

Igneel hesitated before loosening his grip. Natsu was about to look at his dad, but Mr. Scarlet's voice stole his attention.

"Natsu, do you know where any flashlights are?"

With his jaw tightened, Natsu gave a nod.

"Good. Take one with you and go get cleaned up."

Natsu nodded again, wondering if he should have told someone his dad was struggling. It was too late now, the damage done. Call it optimistic or call it naive, but Natsu hoped things were about to get better.

Even if he couldn't have all of his family, he at least wanted his dad back.

Igneel tightened the hug once more before letting him go. Natsu grabbed a change of clothes from his bed. He wished he had some clean underwear to go with them, but he wouldn't complain.

"We'll get you back on your feet," Mr. Scarlet said to Igneel, who was still in tears. "We'll make sure this doesn't happen again, for Natsu's sake and for yours. We're family."

Natsu was surprised by a pat on his head as he tried leaving the room. He looked up at Mr. Scarlet, the man frowning as he asked, "Are you okay?"

With a swallow, Natsu nodded, but Mr. Scarlet didn't look satisfied.

"There's no wrong answer. Are you okay? Do you want to come stay with us for a few days?" When Natsu jolted, Mr. Scarlet added, "At least until we get this mess straightened out?"

Natsu's head fell before he shook his head. "I wanna stay with my dad..." He looked up, eyes watery at the thought of being separated. "Can I?"

Mr. Scarlet gave him a nod, his eyes growing sad. "Yeah, sure."

When Natsu smiled, Mr. Scarlet gave a heavy sigh. "You're a tough kid, you know that?"

Natsu gave a nod, feeling the slightest bit of happiness. He was tough, even if lately he felt sluggish.

"Go ahead, wash up for lunch."

Natsu's stomach growled as he ran to grab a flashlight, heading to the bathroom for a cold shower. It wasn't comfortable, but it was the first step towards a healthier life. His stomach cramped the whole time he washed up, the boy practically drooling when he opened the door and smelled fresh pizza. He heard Mr. Scarlet's voice as he walked towards the kitchen. The man said something about weekly checks, but as soon as they saw Natsu, they hushed up.

For the first time in a year, Natsu shared a meal with his father. More importantly, his dad listened as he talked about things he did the past year at school. His dad teared up more, but he held it together while they ate.

Natsu didn't bother mentioning that his birthday was in a few days. There was a lot going on. He hadn't celebrated last year either, but there would be other birthdays.

Natsu went to sleep that night with a full belly and a smile on his face. He could feel it, the shift towards something better. He hoped when he woke up the next morning it wasn't all just a dream. He really wanted his family back, regardless if it wasn't as big as it used to be.

(February 10th, 2015, Tuesday Afternoon)

*Natsu is 17½ years old*

"So, what do you think?"

"Sounds interesting."

"Would you watch it?"

With a shrug, Natsu said, "Yeah, probably."

"Do you want to see it with me? Maybe this Saturday?"

"Sure. Is it cool if I invite some of my friends? I'm sure they'd wanna see it too."

"Um... I was thinking it could... just be the two of us?"

"Oh. As friends though, right?" Natsu asked, putting the books he didn't need tonight in his locker.

"I uh... Was thinking more like a... a date? For Valentine's day?"

Natsu's shoulders tensed as he cast his classmate a glance. She was a sweet girl, admittedly pretty if he went by normal beauty standards. Lyon had mentioned a few times how much he wished he could... Well, some comments weren't worth repeating.

Despite her seeming like a catch, Natsu couldn't shake the trepidation from even thinking about going down that road. A lance pierced his heart when he recalled witnessing what his father went through. Those memories strengthened his resolve all over again.

"Sorry, I don't date."

"Ever?"

He nodded, closing his locker before slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "Never."

"Are you waiting until college?"

"Nope."

"After that?"

Natsu shook his head.

"That's silly," she said, batting her eyes as she smiled. "You have to date sometime?"

Natsu shrugged, used to the confusion. He had been asked out a few times over the years, but each time he turned them down. "I don't think it's worth the trouble."

Her smile fell in an instant, eyes narrowing as she said, "That's rude."

"What?"

"What you just said."

"I didn't say you're not worth the trouble, just the whole thing in general. It's not for me. We can still go to the movies as friends though?"

"Whatever," she said, storming off down the hall.

Natsu watched her leave, sighing to himself as he leaned against the lockers. He didn't want to hurt people's feelings, but he also wasn't willing to get hurt himself. Wasn't it better to say no so he didn't waste their time?

Regardless of how she took it, he knew he made the right decision. That twist in his stomach had eased as he left the school. By the time the city bus arrived, he was feeling better. Of course, the motion from the bus had him groaning, Natsu forgetting to bring his motion sickness pills with him that morning.

He pressed a cheek against the window, relishing in the cool surface as he stared out at the passing world. It didn't help his sickness, but closing his eyes somehow made it worse.

His eyes widened slightly when the bus passed a dealership, Natsu drawn to the trucks. They looked big and powerful, the tiniest grin tugging at his lips, but it vanished when the bus hit a bump in the road.

'One day I'll get me a badass truck. It'll be awesome.'

Natsu managed to pull the cord when it was his stop, the bus driver used to his slower movements as he exited the vehicle. "Th-thanks," he said, offering a weak wave before stepping onto solid ground.

The relief was instant, but he still stumbled for a few steps as the last bits of sickness lingered. He didn't dwell on it, walking the two blocks to his apartment complex before trekking up the stairs until he reached their floor.

He smelled the spicy barbeque before he opened the door, the hallway flooded with the heavenly scent. They didn't have a grill, but Igneel had a way of making his dishes taste authentic despite using an oven.

"I'm home!" Natsu called, dropping his backpack by the door before removing his shoes. "Dad?"

"In the kitchen!"

Natsu grinned as he made his way there, the smell causing his mouth to water. The apartment was small, a two bedroom in a busier part of Magnolia. Despite the hustle and bustle in their area, they were high enough up that the traffic from down below didn't bother them at night.

"That smells amazing!" Natsu grinned when he saw his dad stirring something on the stovetop. Over the years his dad had learned a variety of recipes, most of which contained a spicy element.

"Go wash up. Dinner'll be ready soon."

"Thanks dad!"

Igneel smiled, nodding towards the doorway. "Go, go."

Natsu chuckled, heading to his room to let Happy out before washing his hands. His dad worked long hours, but he always took Tuesday off so they could spend the evening together.

It was a weekly tradition that had been going on for years.

Natsu joined his dad in the living room after they fixed their plates, Igneel turning on a rerun while they ate. Halfway through the show Igneel mentioned the camping trip they took every July, saying they should get some fireworks next time.

Natsu agreed, grinning as they made loose plans. He loved talking to his dad, even if some topics were off limits. It wasn't a spoken rule, but anytime a certain subject came up, for example Igneel's late wife, his dad would start shutting down again. It was easier to pull him back to the present, but Natsu still worried a day would come when Igneel wouldn't get back up.

He feared Igneel would fall to the heartbreak that nearly destroyed him years ago.

It was easier to not talk about his mom, even if he missed her.

Natsu leaned back on the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table as they spent the evening hanging out. Their life wasn't perfect, but it was theirs. They had found some happiness.

They kept moving forward, because after all—

The show must go on.

.

.

.

So I know there's no real comparison, but I haven't had a close loved one pass away, so this is all I can use as comparison: When my cat passed away it took me about two years before I started to feel normal again. I had to force myself to smile for pictures, I felt lost, I felt hopeless. If I felt all that after losing a cat, then I'm sure it would hit Igneel so much harder losing his spouse of 15ish years, who was his childhood friend. Some could argue that he needed to be strong because he had two kids to raise, but depression is a tricky illness to deal with. You can both care so deeply about something but still not have the energy or focus to deal with it. Igneel never meant to neglect his children. He was mourning his loss and didn't have the resources to deal with the pain in a healthy way, until Erza's dad snapped him out of it and he saw Natsu's unhealthy condition. But even after that no one could mention Igneel's late wife without him withdrawing again, so Natsu learned from a very young age that it was better to not love because heartbreak has the power to tear a person apart. He saw his father almost didn't survive, and Igneel is/was the strongest person he ever knew. If Igneel couldn't handle it, how is Natsu supposed to?

Of course, logically we know it won't be like that. If Natsu and Lucy got together, sure, there might be a little pain here or there because no one's perfect, but the happiness they get will be worth it all, even when one of them passes. It'll just take him time to realize Lucy's worth the risks.

Anyone else catch the subtle hint of Igneel missing Natsu's birthday then later down the road spoiling Natsu for his birthday? Trying to make up for his past mistakes.

Also, anyone notice Natsu mimicking his dad's way of dealing with problems? Burry them/try to ignore them until it blows up in his face? We learn by watching others, and sometimes it takes extra effort to break the cycle.

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, Igneel's neglect/Zeref's vanishing act will be addressed by Natsu in the future. I vaguely have the dialogue in my head, but it'll go something along the lines of, "I wish I'd gotten help instead of kept quiet! Hell, Zeref should have called CPS! I was just a child! I didn't want to lose my dad too, but Zeref was eighteen! He should've known better! He should have fucking helped me! He... He just left me! He abandoned me like my birth parents did. Just... just fucking left! I know we weren't close, but fuck. I'm his brother. Was... his brother..."

Alright, now that I got that out of the way, what did you think of Natsu's backstory? (This is somewhat how Lucy's backstory will be when we get to what happened to her leading up to the outbreak. We basically know what happened, but some parts will be delved into and some summarized)

Up next, Chapter Eighty-One: Try not to scream

Thank you so much for all your support! I appreciate every favorite, follow, and review! Shout out to those awesome people who left feedback last time: Jack5635, dragonlily0609, FyreFalcon, Skibblez, Nutella16, valerioux, iaga. isabella, Guest, Guest, MaryyDragneel, CelestialDragonSlayer222, shootingstarssel, ElementalMiko12, sakshishetty3003, ranunculus charm, Wolfcry77, lovelyleveret, Melz87, Stellar Spirit Mage, Tohka123, Guest, guest, AJ, Copperreign12, SwordBlaze221, Luacridcy, Lodemai04, SuperShadic2002(x3), Guest, doremae, dareaderreads, Sam, Patpat, and SunsetRika!

Oh! And I watched the 3rd My Hero Academia movie! I enjoyed it. If you've seen it let me know what you thought (but no spoilers in case someone reads the reviews and hasn't seen the movie yet)!

Thank you so much for reading! Have a great day/night!