Chapter Eighty-One: Try not to scream
(June 1st, 2018, Friday Evening)
"I swear the guy's a ninja," Natsu said, shaking his head as he chewed. He didn't bother closing his mouth while speaking, surprised Erza hadn't commented on his manners throughout dinner.
Jellal and her had been reserved since announcing they would be joining the runners next week, so Natsu took it upon himself to tell them about their new 'coworkers'. He figured the more familiar with them, the easier it would be transitioning into the job.
"And that's Dobengal?" Ezra asked, earning a nod from Natsu.
"I know you've seen him around here before, but when he goes off base he's always wearing a mask and stuff."
"Is that why he's like a ninja?"
Despite shoving a forkful of food in his mouth, Natsu was ready to answer. However, before he could get a word out, Lucy put a hand on his shoulder. The attempt to silence him was effective.
"I think he said that because Dobengal moves fast. The way he maneuvered around a sprinter today, you'd think the zombie was standing still. It almost looked like he was teleporting."
Lucy laughed, the sound easing Natsu's body. He smiled, nodding as he added, "He's kinda full of himself sometimes, but he's a good guy."
Natsu didn't care for his tattoos, but he kept that comment to himself. He thought getting Roman numerals on his fingers wasn't the most creative idea, but at least Rogue did a good job on tattooing them.
'Wish I could've been here when people were getting tattoos.' He was itching for some new ink. Before the outbreak he had a list of potential ideas, but some had gotten crossed out for obvious reasons.
Like, the tattoo of a zombie bite on his ass. It was meant to be a joke, but now he was glad he never went through with it.
"Well, I'm sure we'll get to know everyone better soon enough," Erza said, her smile tight.
Natsu wasn't sure why Erza wanted to change jobs. Sure, there was a lot of guards, but he would rather them be safe than sorry. Then again, he understood the other side of it too. Sometimes the guards walked in circles around the base because there was nothing to do. While it didn't bother him, he could see why it would frustrate someone who thought they were working harder.
Natsu didn't need to wonder why Jellal was switching. He wanted to be closer to Erza. His stomach twisted at the thought of losing her from both of their perspectives. It would tear Natsu apart since she was one of his closest friends, but Jellal...
He didn't know how he would go on if something happened to her.
Or vice versa.
Natsu did his best to take a deep breath without anyone noticing. He was doing well not to go down the same road he had traveled last night. It was full of heartache and pain, and he preferred happier thoughts.
He wanted to focus on the bright side. For instance, they had gone a while without a casualty. There were a few injuries, but they were mostly from the construction projects.
'Speaking of which...' Half of the outdoor showers were finished today. Each stall had a rain barrel or something similar up top to collect rain when possible. They brought in a decent amount of water from the creek, but most of it went to the kitchen.
When the kitchen staff weren't cooking, they were boiling water all day long. Without that safe water to consume, he wasn't sure how long they would have survived.
That wasn't the only reason for celebration. Natsu had a rollercoaster of emotions while off base. He kept wondering if Hibiki had asked Lucy out yet, but she continued to act normally. Even after she went into the house Hibiki was emptying before lunch. She was in there a good ten minutes, Natsu feeling like a stalker as he peeked through the blinds of the house he was in.
Natsu relaxed when she came out, the two looking casual and not at all affectionate. Lucy even sat next to Natsu during lunch, relieving the mess of anxiety in his chest. If Hibiki asked Lucy out, then it was obvious she said no. If that was the case, she didn't harbor any feelings for him, so Natsu had no reason to feel guilty for hoping they didn't end up together.
That selfishness lingered a bit, but overall he had a great rest of the day. Plus, they were about to go watch the play after dinner, which was icing on the cake.
"What weapons are you going to use?" Lucy asked Erza, Natsu raising a brow because he hadn't thought of that.
He glanced at Lucy, the smile on his face feeling natural as it formed. While he knew nothing could ever happen between them on a romantic level, he could finally admit that damn—
Lucy was breathtaking.
How was his heart both racing and at ease while he sat next to her. She wasn't doing anything extraordinary. She was sitting there eating dinner as she focused on her friends talking. Yet, somehow he felt like melting every time they shared even a sliver of eye contact.
'Fuck,' he thought, knowing she was going to be hard to get over. That pull he felt towards her grew stronger the more he acknowledged his feelings. He really liked her, and in another world where heartbreak didn't exist, he would without a doubt ask her for a chance to be his.
He wanted to be hers. It was a different kind of hurt in his chest as he thought about what could be if he wasn't scared. Imaging them holding hands now had him yearning for that simple contact, but he wouldn't do that to her.
If what Hibiki said was correct, then he couldn't risk stringing Lucy along. There was still a chance someone else was going to try to ask her out in the future. While the options were limited, they weren't nonexistent. If that did happen, he hoped he was able to get rid of his feelings first.
Or, at the very least, get mostly past them.
"I'm going to talk to Rogue about using my bow soon," Lucy said, head tilting so she could look at Natsu. "I'm thinking I can practice on any infected that come in like today."
Before Natsu could open his mouth, she added, "Only on a walker though. I need more practice before I try to take on a sprinter."
He eased into his chair, not realizing his body had tensed. With a nod, Natsu said, "Sounds good. I can be back up, if you want?" There was still a delicate line of how protective he was allowed to be, but thankfully Lucy agreed.
It had his chest lightening when she nodded, a look of determination flashing in her brown eyes. "I'm sure it won't take me long to get back into the swing of things."
"It'll be co—"
The sound of clanking caught everyone's attention, interrupting their conversations. Natsu found the source of the noise, Makarov standing on the bleachers with a glass in his hand. He projected his voice, the words echoing around them.
"I hope everyone's having a great evening tonight! I'd like to remind everyone the first showing of the play, 'Fractured Spell' is tonight. It's about a boy who travels through a magical mirror to visit his friend in another world. He tells her all about his adventures from his home, but she thinks he's a liar with a big imagination. There will be romance, comedy, and sorrow for these star-crossed lovers. From the few practices I've seen, it's going to be one heck of a show! Don't miss it! The wonderful actors and actresses have worked very hard on it, and they'd love to see a big turn out! They'll be performing all this week! We hope to see you there!"
Most people clapped, Natsu among them. He assumed the group would begin discussing the play since they were almost done with dinner, but everyone had their eyes on Lucy. Natsu glanced at her, seeing a folded piece of paper in her hand.
Levy asked, "What was that about?"
"I don't know," Lucy said, peeking over her shoulder.
Natsu followed her gaze, eyes widening when he saw Hibiki walking away from their table and towards the exit. Before his mind could process what was happening, he tried turning back to Lucy. His eyes caught with someone else's, a hateful glare being sent his way from a woman a few tables away.
It took Natsu a moment to realize it was Karen, Hibiki's ex. He couldn't figure out why she was glaring at him.
'Wait, no?'
Karen wasn't looking at him. She was looking a little to his side where Lucy sat. 'The fuck is her problem?'
Natsu forgot about the paper until he turned towards the table, seeing Lucy folding it before slipping it in her pocket. Natsu's question was asked before he could get it out of his mouth, Lucy looking at Levy as she whispered, "I'm not sure? He wants to talk before the play."
"Why a note though?" Levy asked, causing Lucy to shrug.
"I don't know. He's been a little weird lately."
"How so?"
While Lucy went on to describe Hibiki being fidgety and distracted the last few times they spoke, Natsu realized he had been wrong. That sense of safety he felt was ripped away in an instant. Hibiki hadn't asked her out yet, but it was clear he was about to make his move.
For a split second Natsu thought, 'It's now or never,' but he crushed it before the idea could take root.
At that point, he was beating a dead horse. He couldn't tell her he had feelings for her because whichever road they traveled afterwards led to pain. Either she rejected him and he got hurt, or they tried to date and either ended up breaking up or one of them died while they were still together. Every path led to heartache, and while Natsu took risks in other aspects of his life, he couldn't risk that.
Natsu's eyes fell to Erza and Jellal, everything else background noise as he thought about their relationship. Would they survive if one of them died? They were strong... but so was their love for each other. Did that make a difference? The stronger the feelings, the harder the fall?
"Well, see you when you're done," Erza said, standing with her dishes in hand.
Natsu blinked, noticing everyone standing. Something gripped his heart when he saw Lucy again, his fingers twitching to grab her wrist and ask her to stay, but he couldn't. Fear held him, refusing to let him take a step towards what could be between them.
With a vice tightening around his heart, Natsu watched as Lucy put her dishes away with everyone else before leaving the arena. Instead of going to the auditorium with the others, she kept walking down the hall. Natsu wasn't sure where she was meeting Hibiki, but it didn't matter.
He felt the defeat long before he took his eyes off her. He swore someone was holding his shoulders down, his body heavy and sluggish as they found their seats. Getting off his feet didn't help, letting Natsu know his body's response wasn't from exhaustion or soreness. He hadn't done anything and he was still in pain, but that only solidified his thoughts.
'If it hurts this much now, how much would it hurt if I lost her for real?'
Natsu stared at the seat in front of him as more people filed into the auditorium. He noticed Levy left a space open between him and her, but he figured Lucy wasn't joining them. She was probably going to sit with Hibiki, and as bitter as he felt thinking that, there was a sliver of contentment there. He wasn't overjoyed, but Lucy deserved to be happy.
It wasn't like he was losing anything. Lucy would still be his friend, even if she was Hibiki's girlfriend.
Natsu's stomach jerked as he put a hand over his mouth, ready to toss his dinner on the floor. It would be a major adjustment getting used to Lucy dating Hibiki, watching her make a life with someone else.
'We won't be moving in together,' he realized, eyes hooded as he released a silent sigh. 'She probably won't come over as much... We won't go on walks... or talk as much. She'll probably sit with Hibiki during meal times... Or bring him to our table.'
Natsu wasn't sure which was worse. Lucy being gone or seeing her be happy with Hibiki right in front of his face.
Both drained the life out of him, Natsu no longer wanting to be around people, but he also didn't want to be alone either. His thoughts had proven they weren't on his side lately.
Mira came out to address the audience, the stage illuminated by candles and flashlights. She wore a smile as she welcomed them to the show, telling them, "While we hope you enjoy what you see, we ask that you don't get too loud when applauding. We don't think it'll attract attention from outside, but better safe than sorry. You can clap, but we ask you... Try not to scream."
A few people chuckled, the sound surrounding Natsu. Everyone was crowded towards the front. There were more empty seats than filled, but since there were no microphones to use, they needed to sit close so they could hear better.
Mira started walking off the stage, waving towards the curtain as she announced, "Without further ado, 'Fractured Spell'!"
Soft clapping echoed throughout the auditorium while Natsu debated his options. His energy was zapped, but spending the evening alone wouldn't help. He was tired of feeling sorry for himself, deciding the play would help distract him.
Shortly after the play started, he found out he was wrong.
The two main characters were a boy and girl, separated by different worlds. That wasn't what bothered Natsu. It was when Hisui took the stage that he felt his irritation grow.
Natsu had no problems with the girl personally, but he didn't care for the wig she wore. It looked exactly like Lucy's hair. Same length, same color, same bangs. If Natsu didn't know better, he would say it was ripped from the woman's head and put on the actress.
It didn't distract him, Natsu internally groaning as the minutes ticked by.
He gripped the small armrest on his seat, ready to leave, but a hand on his arm stopped him. Natsu glanced to his side, seeing Levy leaning over the empty seat between them. It took a moment of adjusting his eyes before he could see her features in the dark. He detected concern in her voice, even at a whisper. "Are you okay?"
He debated lying, but he ended up shaking his head. Natsu didn't want to put more on Levy's plate. She was helping him control his anger and teaching him how to communicate his thoughts in a healthier way. It wasn't fair to ask for more, but he needed help. He was about to ask if they could talk after the play, but she spoke first.
"Is it because of—"
"Excuse me," someone whispered, the voice coming from behind Levy. "Pardon me. Sorry. Excuse me."
Both Natsu and Levy looked at the person squeezing down the aisle. They didn't stop until they passed Levy, taking the empty seat between them. With her that close, Natsu recognized the long blonde hair, even if it was in a loose braid. She offered him a smile before turning to Levy. "Did I miss much?"
Natsu forgot how to breathe for a moment. He hadn't expected Lucy to come, and if she did, he didn't think she would sit with them.
'What does that mean?' Natsu thought, shifting in his seat so he was facing the stage, but his eyes were unfocused. He was going to have to watch the play again, his mind unable and unwilling to process what they were doing.
'Lucy's here... but Hibiki's not. Does that mean he asked her out and she said no? Or maybe she said yes but she already told us she'd sit with us? Are they dating? Did he ask her out? Does...' His shoulders fell. 'Does it even matter?'
Natsu rubbed at his face, struggling to deal with it all. He was once again wishing things could go back to 'normal', yet the more he thought about the way things used to be, the more his chest tightened.
He loved how Lucy carried herself now. She was confident and kind of a badass. While she was tougher, she was still that nice girl he had grown to like over the... how long had they known each other now? Eight months, but two of those he was away.
It was a decision he regretted more and more, wishing he had stayed and witnessed her not crawling out of her shell, but sprinting. She had made leaps and bounds in her progress, and even though he wasn't part of those two months, he was glad she was a stronger person.
Natsu slouched in his seat, wondering what he should do. 'Talk to Levy... Or maybe even Jellal.' They were both smart, but Jellal had experience when it came to feelings and all that shit. 'Maybe one of them can help me deal with this... Tell me it's all gonna be okay.'
Lucy dating someone else wasn't the end of the world.
He tried telling himself that, but for some reason, it felt like a lie.
The sound was undetectable to most. With Hisui singing on stage and someone munching on something behind them, Natsu was surprised he heard the soft sigh to his left. He glanced over, brows furrowed when he noted Lucy doing something weird with her mouth.
It took him a few seconds of staring to make out her movements, realizing she was chewing on her bottom lip incessantly. He forgot about his frustration for a moment, lost in the sight until he saw her turning towards him.
"You okay?" The words came out of his mouth before their eyes met, Natsu thankful for the darkness. A pesky blush warmed his face, but he managed to keep his voice even.
Lucy shook her head, teeth still gnawing on her lower lip. She pulled the flesh as she looked at the stage, whispering back, "My lip itches. It's annoying."
"I bet," Natsu mumbled, the play forgotten as his eyes fixed on the way Lucy bit her lip. He imagined it reddening, swelling from the abuse. His breathing slowed as his mouth went dry, something in him pulsing at her ministrations.
As if that wasn't enough, Lucy shifted in her seat, her elbow on the armrest next to his arm while her hand hovered over her chest. Her fingers brushed against her skin. An innocent touch, like a light scratch, but it had Natsu heating up. She was wearing a tank top, Natsu remembering how the fabric stretched over her generous chest.
Natsu swallowed as he did what he swore he would never do again. He imagined himself taking care of her annoyance, biting her bottom lip to soothe the itch. Would she enjoy it? Him nibbling on her lip, running his tongue over the raw flesh before sliding his lips against hers. Would he even be a good kisser? If he wasn't, would Lucy be willing to take the lead? At least until he got the hang of it?
The more he thought about Lucy taking charge and showing him how she liked being kissed, the hotter he grew. Natsu's body temperature wasn't the only thing rising, his jeans feeling tighter as he delved in those thoughts he knew he couldn't have.
'Fuck it.'
Natsu knew there was no harm in imagining himself weaving his fingers through her blonde hair, cradling her head before pulling her in for a hungry kiss. His fingers twitched, an urge to make his fantasy a reality gnawing at his mind, but he resisted.
Not only was it not the right time or place, there was a good chance she was spoken for. That familiar grip wrapped around his heart, reminding him there was a chance she turned Hibiki down. 'If he even asked her out. He's been with her alone a few times since last night. He might be just as scared as me.'
The fear was different. The possibility of rejection probably made Hibiki hesitant. The chance of a broken heart left Natsu stunted in the romance department.
Natsu savored a few more seconds of watching Lucy before turning his head towards the stage, releasing a slow breath while his heart calmed down. His nerves buzzed for several minutes afterwards, fighting the cravings in his head with logic.
'Nothing can happen between us. If I'm patient these feelings should go away...' Though, he wasn't helping himself. He fueled that fire every time he imagined something happening between them.
He had to wait it out, even if the temptation to indulge was high.
Whether he meant indulge in the fantasies or Lucy, he was unsure, and that left him feeling lost.
Despite not focusing on the plot of the play, Natsu clapped with everyone else. He appreciated the effort it took to pull off. He would be back to watch it when he got his head cleared, wanting to enjoy the hard work they went through to provide some entertainment to Fairy Tail.
After the cast left the stage, the crowd started getting ready to leave. Natsu stretched his legs when he stood, wincing when he heard his knee pop. He needed to stretch more before working and exercising. There was a lot he needed to do, but lately he hadn't been himself.
In fact, he hadn't felt like himself in months. 'I hope this isn't me from now on.' He was sick and tired of getting caught up in his head. He was always the guy who smiled and laughed and didn't worry about things. How could getting feelings for Lucy ruin all that?
"So good," Lucy said from behind Natsu as they made their way down the aisle, one shuffle at a time.
"I especially liked the part where he stood up to his dad."
"I liked that too. I can't imagine it'd be easy. Giving up magic for the one you love." Lucy let out a light sigh. "It would be pretty cool to be a wizard."
Natsu had to bite his inner cheek. If only Lucy knew she was casting spells of her own.
"True. I'd love magic powers," Levy said. Natsu turned out of the aisle to start making his way to the exit, catching Levy waving her hand in the air. "Wouldn't it be nice to spell out a word and that thing appears? I'd be like, C-O-F-F-E-E and then bam! Nice hot coffee appears out of nowhere."
Natsu couldn't help but crack the smallest smile, remembering all those times their senior year Levy would show up with coffee before school started. Erza and her had been addicted to the stuff, but considering he picked up cigarettes shortly after, he didn't have a leg to stand on.
'If only we could go back to those days.' Natsu's cheek twitched before he added, 'Just, with Lucy there too.'
That had his chest warming at the thought of her with them back then, when everything was simpler. 'Would my feelings be simpler?' Natsu thought about Erza and Jellal dating in high school. They had been happy. Still were, with each other at least. 'Maybe... maybe...'
Natsu couldn't describe how hopeful he felt when imagining a scenario where he could be with Lucy without fear. He could hold her hand, kiss her shoulder, pull her in for a tight embrace with no restrictions. Natsu imagined her laugh in his ears, wondering if it would be easier or harder to make her happy if they were together.
What if being with her was the best thing to ever happen to him?
That should have made the hope in his chest spread through his limbs, but dread replaced it in an instant.
Any shred of happiness they made together would be destroyed when she died, Natsu grabbing his shirt over his heart as a piercing pain made itself known.
Natsu suppressed a grunt. If the mere thought of it caused that much pain, he couldn't imagine how it would feel in real life. 'It's better to leave it alone. Just, leave it.'
If he couldn't get a grip over his feelings in the next few weeks, he would seek help. Maybe someone outside of his friend group. Alzack had helped him before. Maybe he could do it again.
'He already thinks I... Well, I guess it's not thinking anymore. He knows I like Lucy. I'm the last to know.'
Natsu sucked in a breath to prepare for a sigh, but before he could release it he felt a tap on his arm. He looked over, stomach deflating when he saw Lucy wanting his attention. He couldn't find the words, but thankfully she didn't wait.
"Are you tired?"
He shook his head, lips parting when she gave him a smile. It did something to him, gaze stuck on her as the group moved down the hall. He matched her pace, unaware they were walking slower, soon behind their friends with a small bubble of privacy.
"Me neither. Do you want to hang out? Talk about the play, or whatever?"
Natsu didn't realize his eyes flitted to their friends for a second. Everything around him blurred when Lucy added, "Just the two of us?"
He felt his face warm, the blush creeping to his ears as he let that sink in. Him and Lucy. Alone, after Hibiki asked her out. That had to be a good sign? Or maybe it was the opposite? 'What if she's going to tell me we can't hang out after this? Maybe Hibiki's the jealous type? Would Lucy agree to something so ridiculous?'
Natsu almost shook his head as he thought, 'No way. Lucy would never ditch her friends for some guy.'
"Y-yeah," Natsu croaked, wishing he felt confident. Hell, he would settle for sounding confident. Spending time with Lucy was one of his favorite things to do, but he couldn't stop thinking about what could go wrong.
He did his best to silence those pessimistic thoughts, Lucy helping when her eyes brightened. Even in the dark, she made the place feel light. Natsu lost his breath for what felt like the millionth time when he was with her. He wasn't sure he was ever going to get used to that.
'It won't be like this forever,' he told himself as they continued down the hall, Natsu unsure where they were going. He would follow Lucy wherever she wanted to go, as long as he got to be by her side.
"You are such a liar!"
Natsu grunted when a pillow was thrown at his head, but instead of feeling pain there, his belly hurt from laughing so hard. "Am n-not!" He struggled to catch his breath, Lucy looking ridiculous with her face screwed up.
"There's no way! That's impossible!"
"I promise," he wheezed, scooting back so he could lean against the wall. Lucy and him were sprawled out on the floor, a game of Yahtzee between them. They started at the desk, but after the dice kept rolling off, they moved their game closer to Natsu's bed.
Lucy leaned against the mattress while Natsu stayed near the wall, not wanting to make things awkward between them. The air around them felt different when they first entered his room, but after some light conversation about the show and Natsu suggesting they play a game, the tension melted away.
Melted so much in fact that now they were both in tears from laughter, Lucy convinced it wasn't possible Natsu won a game against his friends by getting only Yahtzees the whole time.
"Of all the things you could lie about to sound impressive!" Lucy laughed, shaking her head. "Are you serious?"
He nodded, a tear forming in the corner of his eye before he wiped it away. "Swear on my life."
She hummed, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Mind if I verify with the others?"
There was a tilt to her lips, revealing a sliver of a smile. Natsu laced his fingers behind his head as he chuckled. "Go ahead. They'll tell you the same thing. I just had a lucky streak."
"Did you play the lotto after?"
Natsu snorted. "Nah, but I prolly shoulda. I'd've picked you up in a sports car if I won."
"Picked me up?" Lucy asked, head cocked as raised a brow.
"Yeah, from that one house? In Section Six?" Natsu let his voice trail off, trying to figure out what Lucy thought. Where else would he have picked her up from? The gas station?
'Unless she's thinking pick her up as in flirt with her and get her to hang out or something.' Gray used to 'pick up' women occasionally, when he wasn't working or hanging out with friends.
Before the thought could fester, Lucy yawned. He sat up straight, figuring their time together was coming to an end. While Lucy had the day off tomorrow, Natsu didn't. He was going back to being a runner part-time, spending a couple days doing construction and a couple more in receiving. Soon he would switch to being a runner more often, but for now he liked the variety.
Besides, he wasn't as worried about Lucy getting hurt off base as he was in the beginning. They talked about different ways to be safe and alert, and Lucy accepted his advice now that they were better when it came to her job.
The risk was still there, but he held more confidence in Lucy's abilities. She wasn't as likely to die off base, but accidents happened. Mini hordes could appear without warning. It happened once, the runners encountering roughly thirty zombies in their area after the clearers had gone through it.
Still, Natsu didn't feel as much impending doom as he once held knowing Lucy was off base, so... 'Does that mean there's a chance we could...'
They were all going to die eventually, whether it was tomorrow or in a decade. He had given up on living a long life. Reaching the 'golden years' wasn't realistic, but he hoped they survived a while longer. 'I'd like to reach thirty at least... Maybe even forty.'
Natsu smiled, thinking that was pushing it. He forgot for a second he wasn't alone, the silence surrounding him comfortable while a dim light flickered from a candle. Everything was peaceful until Lucy asked, "What are you thinking about?"
He startled as he looked her way, drawing in a deep breath before slowly exhaling. "Growing old," he said, imagining Lucy with gray hair and wrinkles. He wasn't sure anything could take away from her beauty. As long as she was still the warm and kind person she was today, she would always be gorgeous.
He hoped she lived long enough to age.
He hoped he was around to witness it.
Lucy smiled as she hummed. The sound was soothing, gentle. It had him tempted to ask if she wanted to spend the night. Nothing sounded more relaxing than falling asleep with her inches away from him. He held his tongue, Hibiki's words echoing in his head.
"You can't keep stringing Lucy along forever."
Did Lucy like him back? Was it worth finding out?
Natsu bit his inner cheek, conflicted once more. Fear wasn't the only thing stopping him now. There was a chance she was with Hibiki, though he doubted it. 'If they're dating, why would she be here with me? He probably chickened out.'
Natsu wasn't any better. Fear kept him from telling Lucy how he felt. Hell, it kept him from exploring the option. Was there even a chance of them being happy together? What if it made them sloppy off base? What if he got distracted thinking about her and missed a zombie approaching?
'I guess I can see how Erza and Jellal do off base...They're really happy together. So are Alzack and Bisca.' He fought a frown, knowing it couldn't last forever. Everyone died. Alzack could have died while on the mission to Hargeon. Natsu couldn't imagine how painful that would have been for Bisca, and she was a tough person.
'I'm tough too... just, not emotionally tough.' Spending most of his life ignoring any complex or bad emotion had him ill-prepared. What was he supposed to do with his feelings for Lucy when he didn't understand them fully?
It made sense on paper. If she liked him and he liked her, they should try to be together, but it wasn't that simple. Natsu had watched many relationships crumble over the years. He had seen everything between death and deceit, and he wanted no part of it.
'Until... maybe now.'
Thinking about confessing had his throat locking up. Visions of Igneel trudging around the house in his own filth, barely making breakfast before disappearing into his room again surfaced in Natsu's mind. That was if he even remembered to make food, Natsu going to bed hungry more often than not during that dark year after his mom died.
He could barely picture her face after so many years. All the photographs of her were packed up, a permanent layer of dust covering the boxes in their storage unit. Natsu wanted to see her, to take one picture and keep it in his room, but he never dared. He couldn't risk losing his dad, knowing heartache could destroy a person.
'Maybe it'll be different between me and Lucy. Maybe... I...'
Fear spread through his chest, his stomach churning before he forced himself to stop thinking about it all. He got a second of relief, but it was quickly doused when Lucy said, "So... Hibiki asked me out today."
.
.
.
It might seem random that Lucy asked that out of nowhere, but you'll see her POV next chapter, starting when Hibiki gave her that note during lunch. :P I'll skim over the parts that are covered by Natsu's POV. Not only does it get tedious writing the same chapter from another POV, but when I go back and edit for whatever reason I gotta check both chapters instead of one, lol.
Thank you so much for your continued support! Shout out to all the amazing people who left feedback last time: SuperShadic2002, FyreFalcon, Jack5635, 1Cinnamon, Ally, ElementalMiko12, galactiaconstella(x2), AJ, sakshishetty3003, ipromiseimnotatotaldweeb, ImmortalDamon666, Tara. pasty, valerioux, SwordBlaze221, Nutella16, MaryyDragneel, SunsetRika, shootingstarssel, dareaderreads, Guest, shiinka, guest, Duchixx(x2), CathJorda, Sam, guest, Bla, Lodemai04, Guest, and Doginshoe!
Dobengal is a member of Sabertooth in Fairy Tail.
The 'play' is an idea I have for a fanfiction, but with so many ideas and limited time, I doubt I'll get around to writing it. Oh well.
Two lil announcements: I'm now 30! :P Also, I enrolled in college for spring 2022! Anyone else start/starting college later in life? I'm gonna do online and take 2 classes so I (hopefully) don't overwhelm myself.
So, fear of failure keeps me from doing a lot of things. That's the main reason I haven't tried college yet. (Another was travel, yada yada, but mainly scared I would fail) Another fear of failure (or more closer to rejection) has me hesitant to try dating. I've been single almost 3 years now, and I'm finally actually dipping my toes into that world again. I'm not ready to meet anyone in real life yet, but I'm 'talking' to people. I'm hoping whatever happens, it doesn't end up causing more harm than good.
Anyways, please be patient with Natsu. He's gonna ask for help soon. Just... it's gonna feel like it's a little too late when he does, but remember this is a nalu story. I see the reviews, I know some people are frustrated, and that's understandable. It's Natsu's turn to get character development, which is ironic since it seemed like the story was going to be all about Lucy getting better when we first started. They'll get together. I wanna spoil the story and say when, but I'll keep hush hush about it. I think it'll be obvious by the planned foreshadowing when it's going to happen. :)
Stay tuned for the next update, Chapter Eighty-Two: Crush (Any theories on the title?)
Let me know what you thought! I love seeing the different opinions!
Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH for pushing this story past 4K reviews! That's incredible! Thank you! ! ! ! ! :D