The Diego Diaries: Migration (dd6 480)
-0-Gaming
The noise level in the room was rather good considering the imbibing going on. Beer and the harder stuff flowed like Cybertronian water. Actually, the water on Earth was of the same molecular structure of water on Cybertron. But it flowed!
Prime sat in his chair holding his cards. He was grinning because he felt no pain. The pile of Oreos in front of him was rather large given he had won about two out of every three hands played so far. Prowl who was feeling no pain dealt out of the game to be Prime's banker. He sat with the stacks of cookies in front of him, all of them sorted as to type and kind. He was zealous in his scrupulous care taking of the cookies. He watched each hand, consulted on each ante and charmed his father-in-law half off his peds. Tagg who was staying sober, relatively, watched the two with great affection. It was the ultimate dream of Kes and him that Orion be happy and loved.
He was.
"You need to ante, Prime," Ironhide said as he sipped his eighth beer. That he could still feel his lips enough to move them in speech was a miracle. Ratchet who sat across from him was in the bag as well, smiling and waving at everyone around him as he threw chips into the pot with abandon.
"It is," Optimus said with a slight chuckle. He looked at Prowl. "What do I put in, little buddy?"
Prowl whose arms encircled Prime's winnings protectively given Ironhide's proclivity to take others cookies and eat them when drunk enough glanced up at him, then smiled broadly. "What do you think?" he asked, then grinned at the stack. "How about a … a double stuff?"
"I think so. When I win, we can share them," Prime said with a chuckle.
Prowl perused his cookie stacks, picked the right one from the bottom of the double stuff stack and tossed it in. "There. See that, slaggers."
Grins went around the table as they did. Prowl frowned slightly. They bid and bluffed, then laid out their cards. Prime won again. Prowl laughed loudly and raked them in. Stacking them like a mad scientist, he handed one to Prime. "Here's a double stuff, Mr. Winner." He took one himself and the two tapped them together, downing them in one bite. Sitting back to eat with contented expressions, the others grinned at the pair.
"If you two aren't the cutest drunks ever!" Ratchet exclaimed as he tossed his cards into the air.
Raptor who was feeling no pain gathered them up, then glanced at Ironhide. "If you weren't drunker, I'd have you do something about him. He's flying without a plane."
"Old mech can drink a lot but at some point he's hallucinating," Ironhide burbled with great pride. "RIGHT, OLD MECH!?" he asked.
Ratchet who was leaning over his chair to kibitz with the table behind him turned toward Ironhide. "WHATEVER YOU SAY, BA-BEE!"
Huge laughter greeted that. Hard Drive who was sober because he was going to make sure everyone in the family got home in one piece chuckled. "Knuckleheads. We're surrounded by knuckleheads."
"I HAVE AN IDEA!" Ratchet said as he sat in his chair with a huge dazzling smile.
Everyone in the room paused their games to glance his way. Ratchet stared at Ironhide who stared back, both of them in their own stupor together. Hard Drive leaned closer. "What idea do you have, Ratchet?"
Ratchet glanced at Hardie, considered again how handsome he was, then nodded. "I do."
"THEN TELL IT! SLAG IT, RATCHET! TELL IT SO WE CAN ALL APPLAUD!" Ironhide said loyally as he began to eat his chips. Blackjack moved them away from Ironhide and became his banker.
Again.
"Well," Ratchet began as he sorted through the haze that was his processor. He thought a moment. "I think it might be fun to play for different winnings. SEE!?" he cried as he held out his servos in triumph.
Prime who was watching grinned at Ratchet. "I think so, too."
"What, Orion?" Tagg said as he sat back to enjoy his son. "What different stakes?"
"What he said, Atar," Prime said in his gentle voice as he stared at his father with the most lavish expression of love any of them ever saw him give another person not named Prowl.
"Okay," Tagg said with a chuckle. "Explain it to us, Ratchet. We're ready to go."
Ratchet gave him a dazzling smile. "Well, the humans play strip poker but we don't wear clothing. So I thought, instead, whoever wins has to tell the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to them. See?" He was almost delirious with joy and excitement.
Most of the room wasn't that drunk but many were so they laughed and nodded. Given that they were mechs, most of them, they were ready to be stupid and ridiculous rather than say no and make anyone think they were wusses.
Boys no matter where they're from are boys.
"DEAL THE CARDS!" Sideswipe said with a belly laugh.
Everyone looked at each other, then dealt the cards. It was on.
-0-At the end of the hand
Springer, Kup, Prime, Chromia, Jetta, Sandstorm and of all persons, Chevron grinned as they were declared winners. There were about a dozen more but they shot daggers at their table mates and their names weren't called out. Fortunately, everyone was so drunk no one noticed.
"I think you go first, Optimus," Hard Drive said with a grin.
"Do you think that is wise? There are so many winners here," Optimus said sweetly.
Prowl who was watching him glanced around the room with a smug expression. "But know that this is the biggest winner in the room."
"OSIMUS IS THE BIGGEST WINNER!" Ratchet said. He stood up and tried to climb onto his chair but was dragged back down by Sideswipe and Hercy. He sat with a smile. "Tell us your most embarrassing thing, Osimus."
Prowl stared at Ratchet, then Prime. "You're not Osimus. That mech is drunk." Then he giggled.
Prime who was charmed by Prowl grinned at him until Tagg tapped his arm. "Your most embarrassing moment, son."
Prime smiled a loving smile at his father, then thought a moment. "There was that time I carried the stuff … uh, some stuff to the top floor of our building for that mech … the grumpy one. Remember him?" he asked his father.
"I do," Tagg said with a chuckle. "He lived at the top of the building and was always complaining."
Prime nodded. "I carried his stuff up, then the floor gave and it went over the side. It fell all the way down 52 stories to the ground."
Everyone listened waiting for the rest but that was it. Hercy laughed out loud. "You're just too good, Optimus. Just too slagging good."
"I HAVE ONE!" Ratchet said with a smile.
"You didn't win your hand," Tagg said with a grin.
"That's okay. Old Mech is an embarrassment factory. He makes 'em when they don't happen naturally," Ironhide said around the Oreos in his mouth. His father sitting on the other side of him from Raptor was down a handful.
Everyone laughed including Ratchet. Hercy patted Ratchet. "Go ahead, Ratch. Tell."
"Well," Ratchet said with a grin. "I was doing a … a thing in medical school. There was a one way window along the wall of the demonstration laboratory where anyone who wanted to watch could come and sit. You never knew who was behind there or if anyone was."
"Oh Primus. Not this one?" Ironhide asked.
"Continue, Ratchet," Raptor said. He hadn't hear it but it had to be epic. Ratchet seemed to invite catastrophes.
"Since you asked," Ratchet said as he fluttered his optics coquettishly to the amusement of everyone. "I was doing this thing and I suddenly had an itch."
"Oh no," Kup said as he began to get a glimmer. He laughed loudly.
"Well, I had to scratch but there was no way I could leave the room because of the experiment. So … I went to the wall where a counter was and sort of … uh ..."
"You humped the counter," Sandstorm said with a devilishly wicked smirk.
Ratchet glanced at him, then smiled brilliantly. "Bingo."
HUGE UPROAR AND ENORMOUS LAUGHTER.
"I don't know to this orn if anyone was watching on the other side of the mirrored window but I was going to die if I didn't scratch the itch. Sometimes entire classes came to sit and watch," Ratchet smiled brilliantly. "Who's next?" he asked the uproariously laughing crowd.
Hard Drive glanced at the next table over. "Your turn, Springer."
Springer glanced at Hardie, then Drift who was smirking at him with ENORMOUS amusement. "Well," he began. "I can't top Ada humping a counter," he said to huge laughter, "but there was that time when I tried to crawl through a culvert and became stuck. Then someone yelled that there was a fire coming down the pipe so I panicked and stood up. I began to run but the culvert was still around me. I could only bend my knees to run because my body, helm and arms were still stuck up the culvert. I could shoot straight up but that was about it."
Huge laughter and mockery.
Hardie glanced at Chromia. "Your turn, daughter."
She grinned at him as Maelstrom sat beside her content to bask in her beauty. She grinned at Hardie, then Ratchet who was lolling in his chair with a big sappy grin. "Well, there was that time when I arm wrestled Titanica and lost."
"Who's Titanica?" someone asked.
Hercy looked at him, then shook his helm. "He doesn't know who Titanica is. What's this mech's army coming to?" He looked at Kup. "Tell them, recruit."
"Titanica … think about Predaking made from three mechs, not five. Three mechs that are three times larger than Razorclaw. Think about three homicidal maniacs with a steel grip. You pulled a draw twice, correct? Two draws before you lost."
She nodded. Maelstrom looked like he was going to burst into flames of pride over her. The rest looked at her, then gulped.
"Look him up. He's a caution," Hercy said. He glanced at Chromia. "You are, too, infant. That's one of the few mechs that Liege Maximo considers good enough to live."
It was silent a moment, then Hardie grinned. "Your turn, Jetta."
"I HAVE ANOTHER ONE!" Ratchet said before Tagg handed him an Oreo.
Jetta laughed, then considered things. "I can't really think of anything."
"If you did something other than work, you might have some stories to be ashamed of, infant," Ironhide said. He grinned. Then Hardie gave him a cookie.
Jetta laughed. "I do remember when Elita finally told me to propose or frag off. I remember thinking after she said that. Then she clipped me on the chin. It was in front of the labor council and I do remember you were pretty drunk when you showed up. I still get ragged about it from some of them to this orn."
Elita patted his servo. "Best deal you ever made."
"I won't argue," he said with a chuckle.
"Who's left?" Chromia asked.
"Sandy and Lord Chevron," Tagg said.
Everyone glanced at Chevron who smiled sweetly. Ironhide leaned forward to spot him. "Chevron … don't tell me you were ever embarrassed. You don't have a story do you?"
He smiled again. "I once tripped going down the stairs in a processional and fell all the way to the bottom. I was carrying a brazier and it threw hot coals everywhere. It caught my master's robe on fire. He had to be restrained from jumping into the Well." He grinned. "Everyone was able to help him, then they practically carried him off to the lounge to sit and recover. I remember laying on my back staring at the ceiling and rethinking my calling."
It brought down the house.
-0-TBC 9-25-18
SkyenhaMarisa chapter 1 . 9h ago
I raise you one Sonic double stuff Oreo blast in an Oreo waffle cone. Yes they exist. My niece is addicted to them.
ME: OMG. That sounds so bad it has to be great. :D It makes my teeth hurt just thinking about it. LOL! HUGS!
kattenbelletje chapter 479 . 12h ago
Oh, I loved it when my grandmother told stories of what my father did when he was young. He apparently bit the dentist :)
ME: I love them, too. Its great to think about your parents being kids. My mom liked to tell the story of a kid whose family wanted Dewey to be president in the 1930's saying bad things about her candidate, Franklin Roosevelt and she beat the crap out of him. She was seven and so was he. All you had to do with my mother was say someone had a dirty face and it was on. LOL! HUGS!