Chapter 68: Taste of Wholeness

After exiting the stage area and walking a bit, Rana felt better. However, the environment seemed more like a surreal form of a nightmare of a memory. The sound of water hit her ears as she blinked and looked around. Both saw that they were near a boat ride area. A nearby site board showed that it would snake around the abandon carnival to show all the different attractions.

"A boat ride around the park?" she asked next to him.

"…" Shinji said with a blank expression and just blinked. "Yes."

Looking at the small pier area, an empty boat was floating. The vessel itself looked like it was big enough for two people to sit in. Interested, she went closer to see the water. Only taking a few steps, she felt a spine tingling chill go through her. Stopping, she walked backwards quickly. Once beside the male pilot, Rana slowly interlaced her arm with his.

"What…was that?" she stated feeling cold sweat forming on her forehead. Feeling a piece of cloth patting above her eyebrows, she looked to her left to see Shinji wiping the cold sweat off of her.

"An endless void," he stated pocketing the cloth in his apron.

Perplexed, he was not shaking from the physical contact that she was using. The rapid change made him feel a bit unsettled that his body was still not reacting the way it should be. There was also the déjà vu feeling of what he was doing so far. Answering her was more out of reflex from viewing this memory. He didn't know completely why he gave that answer.

"Endless void?" Rana asked intrigued. She saw him him nod then looked at her.

"A reflection of a heart and mind that are one," The Third Child stated feeling odd. Looking back at the boat ride, he tried to see if he could figure out why he said those things before.

"…" she responded. Looking back at the boat ride, she pondered out loud.

"So you mean if both become the same, you'll see a true reflection of yourself?"

"Metaphorically speaking, yes."

"I wonder if mine are the same being here?" she asked looking down at her chest area.

"DO#% $ *YoU$%^*#WISH$^#$! $TO*#%^ #$SEEEEEEEE!% #% "

"…" Rana reacted with a flinch. Looking back up and around them, the twisted voice was no where to be seen. Looking at the Third Child, he was staring at something in front of them. Following his line of sight, it was the pool area of the boat ride.

"He is in there?"

"Yes."

"Did you go on a boat ride here?"

"I couldn't."

"How come?"

"gggguuuueeesssss-GuEsS-GUESS!-G-G-G-G-G-GGGGGUEsssssss!" the dark clone stated with great enthusiasm and viciousness.

"…!?" Rana said blinking in surprise. Not even remembering this memory, she gazed downward. Looking deep in thought for a few seconds, she took a guess.

"Someone...was there?"

When she looked up and looked at the male pilot, he was staring at her with his eyes only. He slowly moved his eyes back forward then blinked. Following his line of sight, she saw a dark silhouette on the boat. It looked like it could be either male or female. All the sudden, the individual took something shiny from their pocket and gazed at it. Without hesitation, the individual quickly thrust the object into their chest. Going with the direction of being stabbed, the dark silhouette went over the edge of the boat and splashed into the water.

Before she could say anything, Shinji started walking forward with her in tow. Strangely, the chilling vibe she got before was not there anymore. Both got to the stairs that would take them up to the small pier platform. Walking up the steps, they reached the dock area. Getting nearby the edge, both looked down into the water. There were a number of dead people that had chosen to escape reality for an eternal slumber. Oddly, the entire water floor for the ride was covered in bodies. It could explain why the water had changed to a thicker, reddish color. Looking at the boat, the sides of it were spotted with e bloodstains as well.

"…" Rana said swallowing slowly. "You saw that person commit suicide?"

"Yes," he said stoic and calmly.

"How chilling," she stated slightly pulling his arm back. Turning around, both descended the stairs back to the ground. Once down, they went on a pathway that went relatively alongside the boat ride's path. Not walking too far away, another thought came to him. Not even pausing to analyze it, he just said it out loud.

"Does question why some choose to continue and some to escape," he mentioned. Oddly, he was still not shaking from having her arm wrapped around his.

"Maybe some people have a strong will to live."

"Is that the same as a desire to live?"

"A…d…E…s…I…r…E? aaa-aaaa-a-and WiLLLLLLLL?" the corrupted tone whispered into the air. It sounded like it was beginning to slowly emerge from water.

"OnE i-i-i-s-s-s-A…moti-moTIVATION!…w…i…t…h…ooooo $^*#$uuuuut-t-t-t-TaNoTiOnOfCaPaBiLiTy #^ #$&…t…H…e…O…t…H…e…R-has-Has-hAS…AdApT-ABILITY!…B $^#U $*T…may-may-ma-y-m-a-y…not…h…a…v…e…m…O…t…I…v…a…T…i…O…n."

"…" the male pilot replied. Stopping his walking, the male pilot thought about what was said. "…that would lead toward the possibility of continuing to be less than the possibility escaping."

"…!?" Rana commented with a shocked look on her face. She tightened her hold on his arm and looked directly at him.

"You are not thinking about dying, are you?" she asked frightened. Both felt a cold chill run through them and blinked. Turning around to look behind them, they noticed what was rising out of the water. In comparison to the size of the small pier, the figure's body was at least the size of a monster truck.

"A MiLlIoN-AMILLIONTHOUGHTS…c…o…m…e…aNdGo…" it shouted at them.

It extended his massively deranged and deformed flesh body out of the pool of water. Tentacles were snaking everywhere around as they started creating damage to the area. Mouths of several sizes and shapes were seen on its main body. Littered on it were black-red eyes that were boring at the two. Seeing the two have different expressions, all the mouths showed toothy grins that stretched its skin wide.

"…b…U…t…O…n…E…tho-thou-THOUG-H-H-H-HTTTTTT #$^ #$ rings-c-c-cl-ear-EaR-EAR." it said. When its main face surfaced from the water, there was an ear to ear grin with ripped skin. The dark clone's face was several yards long as it gave a deep and malicious chuckle. The bloody water sloshed around from the tentacles moving about. Crimson liquid dripped all over its grotesque body and form.

"…no…" Rana said shaking her head in denial and not letting go of her hold.

"Y…o…u…cannot-CaNnOt-cAnNoT-CANNOT-CANNOT!D-D-D-D-D-E-E-E-E-E-N-N-N-N-N-Y-Y-Y…yYYYoooUUUUUUuuuuuHHHHaaaaVVVee thhhoouuugghhttt $$*%^ThOuGhT! #$^ #$! $^ #$%^THOUGHT! $^ $%^OF IT!" the morbid figure stated in several pitches and voices of distortion.

"NO!" Rana shouted back in her own twisted tone. Letting go of Shinji's arm, her red-blue eyes gave an icy shine. Gritting her teeth and staring at the vile thing voice with anger, six tantos materialized and were floating around her. Clenching her hands into tight fists, both she and the Third Child started to hear the it express vile mirth.

"…hehheheeeeeee…AhAhAHaHAHAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHhhhhhh!" the dark clone bellowed.

Its massive body started shaking from giggling and laughing louder. Retracting all of its tentacles, the bloody water of the river was splashing wildly everywhere. They saw the appendages go back into its morbid form. Watching from a distance, the eerie figure continued having a laughing fit that sounded demeaning and mocking. Sinking back into the river pool, a couple of bloody tentacles held the sides of its massive head as it screamed its laughter louder and louder. Feeling her nerves and fear boil over, she was about to attack it. Two gentle hands held her shoulders and kept her in place.

"…!?" Rana stated blinking in surprise. Looking slowly behind her, she saw the Third Child stoically staring at her. Something about his neutral expression seemed a little unsettling.

"Are you alright?" Shinji asked. Blinking, he let go of her.

"I…I don't know," she stated feeling her weapons fade away. Looking back at the river boat ride, the massive figure had sunk back into the pool. The aura of vileness and morbidity were gone; however, its presence was still relatively close by. Unable to shake away the strong emotions of anger and fear, she started to feel the shakes.

"…Miss Rana…" Shinji called a third time.

"…yes?" she asked turning to him.

"Are you feeling well?"

"…not really…" Rana stated with a face of uneasiness. "…could you make me feel better?"

"…" he said tilting his head a little. "What would you like me to do?"

"…" she said reaching her left hand to hold onto his right hand. Grabbing it, she saw him blink and look down at the contact.

"…I see," the male pilot stated. Not feeling any effects from it, he continued.

"Shall we go back to the park area to rest Miss Rana?"

"…" she said with a smile on her face. Shaking her head to rid of the raw emotions, she took a forward step.

"Sure! Let's go!"

After going up the stairs and calming down a bit, Rei looked around to find herself in a different section again. The colors reminded her of spring as cherry blossom trees were seen throughout the area. Stalls were colored in various earth and bright tones giving a more pleasant atmosphere. Walking down the main pathway between booths, she felt herself calming down.

"Rei! Where did you go?" Shonj said out loud nearby.

"…!?" Rei said flinching and stopping.

Looking around her, she spotted him further behind her on the pathway. Continuing to scan the area, she found a booth that had a cover shade on the side. Quickly moving over there, she stepped into the shadow area of the stall and watched. The blue-eye clone immediately came into her field of view as he walked by then stopped. When she saw him turn his head toward her direction, Ayanami closed her eyes and held her breath.

'Hmmmm…I thought I saw her go that way,' Shonj thought. 'But there is only a shadow area over there…and it feels like it is there too.'

"Damn it…Rei! Yo! Where are you hiding!?" he shouted continuing to walk and call for her.

"…" the First Child said releasing the air in her lungs.

Opening her eyes, she felt apprehensive suddenly in her surroundings. Slowly turning her head around and behind her, there was nothing around. Despite not seeing anything there, the atmosphere was growing more hostile. Blinking and moving out of the shadow cover quickly, the First Child walked in the opposite direction where Shonj was going. Despite feeling the evil aura go down, she didn't dare to look back. An evil giggle rang in her ears which made her walk a little faster.

After some time walking, she pondered if she could relax. Just as she thought that, trepidation started building up again. Slowing down, she scanned her surroundings. Stopping in place, two adult versions of the male pilot were walking toward her from an adjacent pathway to her right. Both were with a group of people in which a couple were talking with them. Shaking her head, she saw a couple of merry-go-round rides ahead of her along with different area events and in-house entertainment.

Looking to her left, there was the copper-red eye version walking with hands in his pockets. Feeling that she was being trapped, she saw a group in front of her and immediately followed them. Sno was looking at the ground still out of sorts from what happened earlier. Kicking a rock down the pathway he was on, his nose started tickling. Trying to suppress it by holding a finger perpendicular to his nose, the sneeze sensation went away. Removing his hand, the itchy nasal feeling came back quickly.

"Ah-choo!" he said out loud. Looking up and rubbing his nose, he saw a group of people walking by with a classic looking yuki-onna tailing them nearby.

'A snow witch huh…wait...is that…it is,' he thought recognizing the person wearing the pale blue kimono. 'Why is she here? Whatever, who cares…don't give a rat's ass about helping him in his interest.'

'Capture her,' Shinzin stated mentally to the voices.

"God damn it," Sno muttered to himself and stuck his hands back in his pockets. Walking forward at a normal pace, he headed toward where the blue haired teen girl was.

"Finally," Shonj stated stopping and turned around. He started running hoping to be first to reach her.

"…?" Shoji and Shino said confused and started scanning the grounds ahead of them.

They saw Sno walking by himself and heading toward a group of carnival goers. Walking forward to meet him, they then saw what looked like a snow witch tailing the group. Seeing someone running from the far left, it was Shonj. Rei narrowed her eyes from seeing the different clones spotting her. Knowing that she was recognized, she started jogging forward.

Up ahead was one of merry-go-rounds that was already spinning. Not even stopping, she hopped up onto tire size rocks. Jumping off the last one, she landed onto the edge of the spinning platform. Quickly grabbing a hand pole, she quickly timed herself again. The group of male voices jogged to the front of the merry-go-round just as the blue haired teen jumped.

"Wait!" Shonj shouted.

All of them watched as she landed on the platform. Grabbing hold of a hand pole, she went around on the outside part of the ride. They saw her image disappear from the center piece of the merry-go-round. Waiting for her to come back, all of them blinked. She was gone. The place she had been holding onto for a second or two was now vacant.

"What the? Where did she go?" Shonj asked with a surprised face.

"She probably jumped off on the other side," Shoji stated adjusting his glasses.

"Come on. Let's go!" the blue-eye voice stated and then started running. He didn't hear the others run and looked back.

"What are you guys waiting for?!"

"Do we really have to? None of us are interested," Sno said shrugging his shoulders. Shingi suddenly stopped and darted back at him with irritation on his face. The copper-red eye voice smirked and started cracking his knuckles. Getting ready to fight back with a toothy grin, both teen voices saw Shinzin materialize between them.

"Out of the way!" both shouted in fighting poses.

Both saw the silver eyed voice frown and lift his hands at them. Double barrel shotguns materialized and pointed at both. Before they could react, he pulled the triggers resulting in loud cork pops. Startled, Shonj dropped to the ground while Sno dodged the cork top that flew passed his head. Soji and Shino tensed up seeing both guns extended out a small flag banner that had the word "Bang" written on it.

"Really?" Shinzin said with a mocking grin putting his toy guns away. "Fighting over a lack of support again?"

"Hey!" Shonj stated standing up and dusting himself off. "They said they weren't interested in helping."

"Aw poor boy," Sno said crossing his hands over his chest.

"Shut up slave-boy!" the blue-eyed Ikari stated back.

"Glad we aren't that attached to our women," Shoji stated taking off his glasses and wiping them.

"Not so sure about you with that mistress of yours?" Shino asked with a smirk.

"Oh I could ask you as well with that loose woman of yours," the green eyed Ikari stated putting his glasses back on and smirking back.

"Are all of you quite finished with your tit-for-tat?" Shinzin asked walking forward to turn around to look at them. All four of them just looked at him.

"Now that I have your attention, listen carefully. We need to capture her. She is the key to help us escape from this subconscious prison. With her in our grasp, we can gain freedom, independence, and control."

"What makes you so sure she can do that?" Shoji asked.

"Oh trust me," Shinzin said with a chuckle as his silver eyes glowing. "She definitely can. Now enough talk. After her."

All nodded and dashed off in the direction they last seen the First Child go. As they went, the crescent moon changed to an eclipse. Red was seen outlining the moon followed by a low decibel cackle. A shadow that was near where the five were standing suddenly shivered. A black silhouette emerged partially out and breathed. Two scalpel blades came out and made a diagonal cuts before sinking back in. Blood flowed out of them as black and red eyes emerged from the freshly cut eye slits.

"…heeeeeee!# $^ ^ #$ka-ka-ka-ka *(&$! gGgGaAaAaAhHhHhHh $^#$%^…" the dark clone said in distortion and static. It sank back into the shadow and vanished. Once gone, it caused a ripple effect that started to spread to all the other shadows throughout the entire site of the carnival.

Rei slowed down to a walk after jogging through the park grounds for a short while. She passed several rides and cut across different areas to change direction. Initially going straight, she started arcing her path left. Her feet were the ones that were taking her as she was in a mild state of panic. All she wanted to do was get away from the clones and find the real one quickly.

Looking behind her while continuing to move forward, she saw various lights, people, and sounds in the park. All the sudden, a visible ripple in the air passed through her making her blood run cold. Stopping with frightened eyes, she started scanning her surroundings. Despite her not seeing anything down the passageway she was in, her senses were on high alert.

'This sensation is familiar…' Rei thought feeling disturbed and slowly continuing forward. 'It is more than before…why?'

The further Ayanami walked on, the more unsettled and apprehension she felt from the surroundings. However, there wasn't anything around that would make her feel this way. Feeling the hairs start to stand on the back of her neck, she quickly glanced behind her. A group of silhouettes were running quickly through the crowds far behind her. Fortunately, the individuals were not going in the direction that she was in. Turning back forward, she took a step forward and saw an elongated shadow on the ground ripple.

"…" the female pilot stated. Freezing in her tracks, she slowly looked down with her eyes. Looking at what kind of shadow it was from, it came from a tall lighting pole. Feeling the apprehension and dread getting stronger, she felt something was lurking in there. Slowly, her foot began to rise as something from the shadow started emerging.

"…!?" Ayanami said alarmed and immediately leaped back a few steps.

A black silhouette slowly crawled out of the shadow making sounds of cartilage cracking and popping. Its breathing sounded muffled with deep moaning sounds. Feeling her fight or flight sense on high alert, the thing started standing. It had the shape of a teenage human with a haggard outline. Black droplets fell from its body as it stood motionlessly. The First Child blinked and saw the creature moved without a sound. It was half the distance closer to where they stood apart.

"…!" she reacted.

Much fear generated in her when two scalpels pierced through where the figure's eyes would be. Each made diagonal cuts that caused blackish blood to flow out of them. Sickening scrunches sounded as two bulges were seeing on the top of its head and slide down. Recalling what Shonj stated, Rei took a quick glance to the moon. Her eyes widened.

'…a red moon…this must be the b-' the female pilot thought looking back to see it directly in front of her face.

"…" the being responded. It haggardly breathed with bleeding black and red eyes staring wildly at her.

"…!?" Rei said shaking uncontrollably.

Holding her breath, she used all her willpower to not shout or move from the immense fear. Another scalpel pierced out from its face where the jaw was. It made a crudely cut line to form a mouth that opened. Her eyes widen more seeing how morbid it looked. From its disturbing array of hundreds of shark teeth to the slashed up look of the back of its throat, fresh black and red blood was dripping from every inch of it.

"…YOU $^ & $ I#$%^ &WILL #%$ %&DeVoUr#& #$…" the creature stated in distortion in more than one voice and white noise. At the same time, it started morphing its right hand into a bloody circular saw.

The stench of its breath was beyond the point of repulsive. It smelled of a rotten corpse that had been fermenting in the sun. The pungency was so much, Ayanami's immediate physiological reaction was regurgitating. Vomit shot out of her mouth and spewed the creature's face and mouth.

Staggering backwards and falling to the ground, the First Child felt weak and horrified. It was overwhelming at how this being caused her to react so violently with fear. Something caught her eye some distance behind the dark creature's figure. Blinking and focusing on it quickly, it was a soft pulsating glow of a dark magenta color.

'Ikari?!' she thought immediately pushing herself up. With the new amount of fear, she gritted her teeth while quickly passing the terrifying creature. Not knowing if the thing would give chase to her, she focused solely on getting closer to the pulsating light.

"…" the black silhouette reacted hearing her run away.

Feeling her vomit on its face and in its mouth, a tattered and torn black tongue snaked out of its throat. Licking down from its face, it got a majority of the vomit into its mouth. Closing it, multiple swallows sounded at the same time. Its eyes narrowed and made a monstrously deep and slow chuckle. After exhaling the remaining of its air, the creature vibrated then sank back into the shadow.

Breathing hard, Ayanami travelled down narrow passageways as if the spaces between rides and buildings were being squished together. Staying away and not stepping on any shadows, she kept following the direction of where the pulsing light was. Getting through another passageway, there was a funhouse in front of her with no other pathways around it. Looking behind, she saw that the dark silhouettes were closer but still not going in her direction. Steeling herself, she jogged toward the funhouse.

'Huh?' Shonj thought seeing a figure go into a building a bit a ways from where him and the group were going. 'That has to be her!'

Back in the abandon amusement park, both Shinji and Rana walked back to the bench they met at.

"Feels kind of strange," she stated walking beside him. "I haven't heard or felt him for a while."

"He is probably over there," the Third Child stated pointing to the overly large carnival with all the lights and flags.

"Wow. It looks huge!" Rana said then saw a site map board. Letting go of his hand, she walk toward it. Looking at it, she saw where they were at and the other carnival.

"What is that place?"

"Based on the board," he stated standing next to her. "It is supposed to be the size of four regular carnivals combined."

"It shows that each section has a different theme. That sounds like fun! Have you ever been over there?"

"Afraid not."

"Why not we both go over there?"

"…" he said looking up at the dark sky.

The moon had changed to being eclipsed with a red outline. He was expecting his voices to interject, but none of them answered nor did Shinji feel their presence. Ambivalence took over him as he didn't know how to answer; however, he nodded his head slowly. Rana smiled happily and pulled his arm along. Both walked down a pathway in the direction of the mega carnival. As they continued, the Third Child was conversing within himself from the strange feelings.

'Where…are they?' Shinji thought faintly hearing only his inner voice.

'…'

'Are any of you there?'

'…'

'Strange…since entering this memory,' he thought looking down at his hands and feet while walking. 'I have been the only occupant.'

'…'

'Is this what is meant by "wholeness"?'

'…'

'It is quiet and isolative.'

'…'

'Wholeness…partialness…oneself…multi-selves…freed from others…bound by others.'

'…'

'Do the others wish for wholeness as well?' he thought looking at Rana beside him. She blinked and saw him looking at her.

"Is something the matter?"

"My apologies for staring," he said not breaking his stoic face then looked forward. "I was thinking."

"Hmm…thinking too hard about something?"

"…I believe so."

"Yeah?" she asked and moved in front of him. He continued walking forward while she walked backwards.

"Tell me, tell me."

"…" he said knowing that the voices would interject over something like this. Feeling himself getting uneasy, none of them answered. Having no restriction to answer, he nodded his head slowly.

"Very well…how do you feel being whole?"

"Being whole? What do you mean?" she asked confused.

"You are yourself without being bound by the others. I am trying to understand how that feels and works."

"Hmm?" Rana contemplated. Turning around, she proceeded to walk next to him.

"Now that you mention it, this is the first time I have been alone from the others as well. I never thought about it until you mentioned it."

"…I see…how does it feel to you?"

"…it is kind of weird…but not at the same time," she answered in a thinker pose. "It feels weird to you, right?"

"Overall…yes," Shinji replied as they continued walking. "He mentioned about obtaining wholeness to me once or twice. I am trying to see if this is what he meant."

"Maybe…I don't really know. Given how when you were able to be conscious normally and experiencing this now, what do you think of it? To be not bound or controlled by others and have a mind for yourself with no alterations."

"It…would be different," he said stoically.

Repeating what she said in his mind, he tried to break it down for a better understanding. Without the others to impede and distort the message, he could clearly think for himself. Blinking from comprehending, an intense emotion occurred. So much so and surprised, it made him stopped. Certain memories were flooding his mind in which they correlated with the other voices.

'They…they are…,' he thought feeling his hands clench into fists and pop. 'They…are no different…from them…'

"Shinji?" Rana asked concerned. Glancing over, the male pilot had tensed up and had a look of mixed emotions.

"Are you okay?"

"…no…I am not Miss Rana," he stated feeling himself shake a little and having a hard time to calming down. "May we stop and rest a minute?"

"S-sure," she said nodding her head. Leading him to a bench, she helped him sit down.

"I…felt-FeLt-FELT!… $^ *& YoUrEmOtIoN…f…r…o…m…THEOTHER #$)$%^# SIDEOFTHIS…m…E…m…O…r…Y…my seed," the dark clone cooed from behind the bench when both sat down. It grinned with malice seeing Rana's flinch of surprise then glare back at him.

"…i…t…s…m…e…l…l…s…f…r…e…s…h…,...i…n…t…e…n…s…e…,...r…a…w…"

"…" she said still glaring at it. Her response only made his toothy grin stretch wider to inhuman lengths.

"I…learned something about myself sir," Shinji said sitting straight. He looked at the ground with a disapproving expression.

"…I…am having a hard time…accepting."

"really?ReAlLy?!rEaLlY!?REALLY!?REALLY!?REALLY!?REALLY!?REAL—" it said repetitively to deaf-inducing volume with distortion. Rana immediately winced and covered her ears in pain.

"…" the Third Child said tilting his head forward to look at the palms of his hands. He felt the evil voice place his head between his and Rana's. A strange radiance of it being pleased was felt as the dark clone continued screaming.

"TELL ME THE EMOTION!"

"TELL ME THE PAIN!"

"TELL ME THE RELIZATION!"

"TELL ME THE AGONY!"

"TELL ME THE SUFFERING!"

"TELL ME THE DISINTEGRATION OF SELF!"

"TELLME!TELLME!TELLME!TELLME!TELL-" it rapidly roared.

Suddenly, a tanto was inserted into its head while another sliced through its neck. In one motion, Rana gripped the dark clone's head and flung it as hard as she could. As it travelled through the air, she heard it laughing out loud as it went through a nearby building window. The remaining body slowly started walking in the direction of where the head went. While it walked, it gave motions that it was laughing hard and shaking all over.

"…" the female clone commented. She watched as the body walk itself with an icy stare. Blinking and turning toward the male pilot, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Shinji? Shinji!" she called out and heard a different response in return. Gritting her teeth and glaring, her tantos materialized again as she saw ghouls rising from the ground around her. Initiating the first attack, she could hear a slow monstrous giggle in the background.