Chapter 84: Recovering
After recovering all the units, the pilots were sent home. Misato drove the three female teenagers back to the apartment complex. Not much was said between them as each had a variation of looking hurt and drained. It made the Major feel depressed seeing how they never changed their expressions throughout the drive. Eventually reaching the apartment complex and parking the car, the group walked with semi-downcast faces. Going up the elevator to their floor, they headed toward their apartments. As the group reached Misato's entrance, Rana slowly turned to her apartment and began walking away.
"Hey Rana," the Major said stopping her and putting hands on her shoulders.
"…" the female twin responded not turning around or lifting her downcast head. She felt Misato gently turned her around and lift her chin up a little. Bending down a little to become eye level with her, Misato could see that her eyes were still red from crying so much. The suffering on her face was making the lavender haired woman's heart ache.
"Listen," Misato said cupping her face. "I won't force you…but you can stay with us for the time being."
"…the time being?" Rana asked with a sniffle.
"Until you…we can recover. I know it will be hard. But just know that you have me, Asuka, Rei, and Ritsuko. We all will support and take care of you. You aren't alone here. You don't have to suffer alone."
"…" the female twin said sniffing again and slowly nodded her head. Misato watched as she slowly came closer and hugged her. Feeling a small smile come onto her face, the Major hugged her back. Strangely, she had a pseudo sensation of actually holding onto the Third Child. Shaking her head and rubbing Rana's back, she whispered to her about going into the apartment. Feeling the twin nod, all four entered their home.
The rest of the evening was filled with mostly silence. No one had an appetite. Misato did drink a beer, but was having a hard time finishing it. She didn't know if it was due to not being in the mood or the fear of one of her younger roommates would take drastic measures into their own hands. Deciding that it was more likely the latter, she just stuck with one beer and kept an eye out at them.
After sometime had passed, the Major decided to check on them. Rana was seen lying on the couch and had fallen asleep. Understanding that from how emotionally distraught she became and the aspect of seeing her other half die, she would be the most exhausted from the others. Fetching a blanket, Misato gently laid it over the twin. Looking at Rana, she could see that her face was slowly becoming tense. Placing a hand on her head and gently petting, the Major saw that she was slowly relaxing. Stopping and moving away without much noise, she headed toward the next roommate.
Going to Asuka's room, she gently knocked on her door. Hearing no reply, Misato quietly slid her door open a bit. The redhead was lying on her side on the bed. Based on her position, she was facing away from the door. She couldn't tell if the Second Child was sleeping or not. Thinking about what Asuka's expression and behavior was during the battle and afterwards, she held an unreadable face. It almost seemed that the redhead had shut down inside and was masking her emotions. Thinking about what to do, Misato decided that she needed to offer something to her.
"Asuka," she said softly through the doorway. "I am going to check on the others and then go to bed in a bit. If you don't feel like sleeping alone, you can sleep with me."
Hearing no reply, Misato assumed that she was sleeping. At the same time, a feeling of rejection came hearing no reply or even a glance. Looking at the ground, the Major frowned a little from feeling inadequate. Sighing through her nose quietly, she quietly closed the sliding door. Turning around and going to the last person to check, she quietly walked to the other side of the living room. Standing in front of the First Child's door, Misato thought about how Rei behaved.
'After her outburst during the Angel battle,' she thought pressing her lips together. 'She went away for a little bit in the base. When she came back, Ayanami looked more in pain and lost…maybe if I let her know that she can talk to me, it will give her something to think about.'
About to knock on the First Child's door, the Major noticed that the door was opened a little. Putting her ear next to the gap, there was no sound coming from the room. Not even breathing.
"Rei?" she asked softly and opened the door a little more. Poking her head through and looking around in the room, the First Child could not be found. Walking in to see if anything had been taken or turned, it looked like everything was in place. Exiting and quietly looking at all the rooms, there was no sign of the blue haired teen.
'There is only two other places that she could be right now,' Misato thought looking down at Rana. 'Unless she took the keycard while Rana slept…no…she would have to be out there.'
Walking quietly to the hallway next to the kitchen, it led to the balcony area. Reaching the door, it was closed. Putting her ear next to it, she could her faint muffling sounds. Looking through the window, the First Child was sitting in a chair with her knees up to her chest. Pressing her lips together holding onto the door handle, the Major slowly and quietly opened it a tad. The muffling sounds were now audible hearing Rei quietly crying to herself.
"…" Misato said feeling sad seeing and hearing her. Ayanami was hugging her thighs and had her head looking up toward the evening sky. The sad expression on her face had tears falling down her face. Seeing her mouth move as if she said something, her face became more broken as she clenched her teeth. Placing her forehead on her knees, she tightened her hold as more tears came out.
'She hasn't experienced the lost of losing someone you care about…and knowing they can never come back,' the Major thought remembering the time in Antarctica with her father. With the memory and seeing the teen in sorrow, she felt her chest cringe harder with emotion. Feeling the need to help her, Misato tried to muster the strength to go to her. Looking down at the door handle again, she reached out to it.
"…?" she said stopping feeling something small drop on her hand. Her vision started to become slightly blurry.
'No,' she thought wiping her eyes. 'I got to be strong for them. I can't break down now. I know how to take a loss…I've done it alone before.'
Taking a short breath in and out, she tried to grab the handle again. Grasping it, she heard the First Child's soft, quiet voice calling out for him and asking him to help her stop the emotions and sensations that won't go away. The more the teen repeated herself; the quiet sobbing chokes would become more frequent. After the third repeat, Rei couldn't say anything as she wept and clenched her teeth.
"…" Misato said closing her eyes and pressing her lips together.
Feeling her own anguish building, she carefully walked away from the door and down the hallway. Using her hand on the wall to guide her back, she took short harsh breaths. Entering the living room, she wiped her eyes again and tried to calm down a little. Hearing another sound, she opened up her eyes and looked at the couch. Rana had balled up in the blanket and had new tears coming from her eyes. In her sleep, she was calling out for him softly with a painful expression on her face. Tears were flowing down her face and dropping onto the couch.
"…" the Major said feeling her lips quiver and her chest tighten quickly.
Deciding she couldn't deal with the atmosphere and pent up emotions, she headed into the kitchen. Pen-Pen was sitting up against his mini-fridge with a beer when he saw his owner walking in. Turning his head towards her and seeing her face, he blinked a couple of times. Seeing her take out an arm full of beer cans, a nervous sweat drop came down his head. Seeing her leave the kitchen area, he went back to his drink feeling blue for some reason.
Walking to her room with her stash, Misato entered and closed the door. Placing them down on the ground, she immediately cracked one open and downed it. Knowing that it took a bit before she could get buzzed, she started working on the second can quickly. Slowly sitting onto the floor, she sat staring at her beer stash and the futon that was nearby. Despite slowly feeling the alcohol kick in from not eating anything, thinking about what happened earlier in the day started to get to her. Grabbing a 3rd beer can, her vision started to get blurry again.
Sniffling and using her hands to wipe her eyes, she opened the beer can. Not getting much into it, her mind started to feel numb. Feeling relieved that she didn't breakdown, she took her drink and crawled to a wall. Sitting up against it with her back to the wall, she blinked lethargically at the floor. Old memories surfaced in which she felt emotions, but didn't react to them. Bringing her knees up and leaning her head back, she tried to the think of something less depressing. Sleep slowly started to overtake her as her head bobbed down. Sliding to the ground, she remembered before falling asleep that she was in the midst of crying a little.
Waking up the next morning, Misato felt achy and knew that she had a hangover. Crawling on the floor a little, her hand hit something that clanged a little. Looking up and squinting in the dark, it was one of the empty beer cans. Blinking lethargically and giving a nonchalant frown, she continued toward the door. Sliding it open and proceeding forward, strength slowly came to her to stand on her feet. Walking into the living room, it was quiet. Seeing that it was still a bit dark, she looked at the digital clock on the landline phone.
'…too early…' she thought blinking at the time then turned around. Moving toward the dining table and slowly moving a chair out, she sat down slowly. Staring at the table, if she put her head down then she would fall back to sleep. About to do that, pressure was felt in her head.
"…ugh…" Misato said to no one feeling the hangover.
'At least the hangover is overtaking the emotions…for now,' she thought getting up and heading toward the kitchen to get something to drink. Grabbing a glass and filling it with water, she headed back to the dining table. Sitting down and slowly drinking it, her hangover still made her feel achy. All the sudden, a thought came to her that made her frown.
"…" Misato said remembering the conference call briefing with the Commander yesterday evening.
Getting into a small conference room with a monitor, the Major assembled Asuka, Rei, and Rana into the same room. Despite all the teens being in various states of emotional stress, they complied without issue. When the room phone rang, Misato answered it then put the call on the loudspeaker.
[Is everyone assembled Major?]
"Yes Commander."
[Pilots. This recent Angel attack is to be kept top secret. The incident with Eva-03, the Fourth Child, the Third Child, and the Angel are to be treated as if they did not happen or occur. Is that clear?] Gendo stated with his normal cold and stern voice.
'…what…?' Asuka thought blinking in surprise.
"…" Rana said still wrapped up in her head of the loss.
"…" Rei said feeling her head become downcast.
"Yes sir," the Major answered while clenching her hands into fists.
[Is that clear pilots?]
"Yes Commander," Ayanami stated quietly.
"…yes sir," the Second Child stated with a frown on her face.
"…yes…" the female twin said quietly.
[Very well. The three of you will go to school tomorrow. Do not acknowledge anyone that asks about what transpired today. Is that clear?]
"We understand Commander," Misato said feeling her nails dig into her skin from clenching her fists harder. Despite sounding in control, inside she felt hot under the collar.
[Good. All of you are dismissed] Gendo stated then the line cut out.
About to say something under her breath, Misato saw Rana rushed to the side of the table. In one motion, she picked up a chair and swung it down at the phone station. Surprised by the uncanny strength, the female twin still held onto the chair and brought it up again. Slamming it down and busting the phone station, she let go of the chair. Rana began to sink down to her knees.
"…I…" she said shaking and feeling tears slide down her face. Her hands gripped into tight shaking fists as her head became downcast. Her voice was harsh, low, and grave.
"I…hate…him."
"…" the others said not moving and just looking down at the ground.
The First Child would normally confront anyone that talked ill of the Commander. However, something had changed. From how things have progressed and how certain events occurred, there was no impulse or desire to defend him. Despite a part of her wanting to still think he was something to her, she was dealing with an emptiness that he couldn't seem to fill for her.
"…" Misato said with a large frown on her face.
Blinking and looking down at the glass of water in her hand, she saw that her grip got tighter. Focusing on loosening it, she took another sip before putting the glass on the table. Feeling too achy and agitated to sleep, she got up and took a shower. Afterwards, she went to her room to change into her work clothes. Feeling semi-ready, she went into the living room. Not seeing the female twin on the couch or around, she went into the kitchen to fix some coffee.
After making a pot and pouring herself some, she walked back into the living room. Sitting down on the couch and turning on the TV to a low volume, she waited for them to wake up. After some time, all three got up at different times. All of them had a variation of bed hair and an exhausted face, especially Rana and Rei. When everyone got ready and gathered their things, the four went down to the lobby area together.
"Got everything girls?" Misato asked the three of them.
"For the last time, yeah," Asuka replied with an annoyed sigh.
"Yes," Rei answered with a stoic expression.
"Yes," Rana responded with a tired voice.
"Ok, good. Call me if you need anything?" the Major stated.
Breaking away from them, she headed to her car in the parking garage. After walking to her vehicle and starting it, she drove it out of the parking garage and stopped before entering the street. Looking down the sidewalk, she saw the three walking in the direction of the school. The sight of one missing member in their group made the corners of her mouth dip down a little. Blinking and softly shaking her head, she turned onto the street and headed toward NERV HQ.
In the medical facility at NERV, an Eva pilot was laying on a bed until the dream he had ended. Opening his eyes wide for a second or two, they relaxed. Staring up at a blank and unfamiliar ceiling, he blinked several times before sitting up slowly.
"Huh? Where am I?" Toji asked himself looking around. Having a rough idea where he was, he tried to recall what happened.
'I remember getting into the entry plug and starting the synchro process,' the Fourth Child thought scratching the side of his head. '…everything after that…is really hazy and blank.'
'But there was,' he continued thinking looking at his hands. 'Like someone there in that Eva…protecting me…it felt familiar for some reason…I even saw the figure in my dream too…weird.'
"…?" Toji said hearing a knocking at the room door. Blinking and looking at it, the knocking occurred again.
"Y-Yes?" he called out and saw the door open. A nurse came out and greeted him.
"Good morning. How are you feeling?"
"M-Mornin'. I'm doing fine," he said sitting up a little.
"That's good to hear. I am just going to be doing some checkups on you before the doctor gets here. Okay?"
"Y-yeah. That's fine," he said watching the nurse walk to his bedside. After doing the pre-work, she made notes on her clipboard.
"Looks like you are physically fine with mild bruising. How do you feel emotionally?"
"Emotionally?…uh…fine I guess."
"Okay…how about mentally?"
"More or less the same," the pilot stated which the nurse nodded and marked on the clipboard. Watching her place it at the end of the bed, she turned around.
"That's it for me. The doctor will be in shortly."
"O-Okay."
"Excuse me," the nurse said with a small smile and left the room.
'Man, there are some beauts here. But Misato is by far the top,' Toji thought with a smile.
Leaning back, he lied back down with hands behind his head. After a few minutes, the door opened again. Sitting back up, he saw the doctor. She seemed to be similar in age towards the Major with blonde hair. Remembering where he last saw her, it took him by surprise from actually looking at her closer.
'Damn Shin-man. Ya' got a gold mine here,' he thought trying to keep a straight face. Despite the doctor looking exhausted, he saw how the woman could be a runner up to Misato looks.
"Morning Pilot Suzuhara. Do remember who I am?"
"Yeah…I remember," he said thinking and snapping his fingers together twice. "Dr. Akagi?"
"Yes. Good to know your memory is working," Ritsuko stated with a small smile. "I heard your first synchronization test didn't go so well."
"Y-yeah. I blacked out."
"I see," she said picking up the clipboard and looking through the medical papers. "No trauma?"
"No ma'am."
"Looks like you weren't physically harmed much. No emotional or mental issues that you feel or recall?"
"Mmmm…not really, no."
"That's good. Since you are up and feel alright, we are going to run tests to see if you were contaminated during the Angel attack."
"C-contaminated?!" Toji asked scared.
"Oh. I see you haven't been debriefed on what happened yet," she asked with a tired sigh.
"Is…Is everybody ok?"
"…" Ritsuko responded rubbing a temple that was starting to hurt from what would happen after explaining. After explaining what transpired, the Fourth Child was sweating in shock.
"Shinji…is…d-dead?!" he asked trembling.
"When we get through the tests, Major Katsuragi will give you a full debriefing and video visual."
"…" Toji said clenching his hands into fists while staring at the bed sheets in front of him.
"If you'd like time alone before we start, that is fine. Everyone has taken what happened hard."
"…No…I'm ready…I want know what happened."
Passing through the school gate, the two Eva pilots and female twin continued walking in silence. Rana had her head downcast the entire time while following them. Each of them was lost in their own world trying to piece together the events within the past 24 hours and answers their own questions. Rei slowly felt her head spinning from trying to find a different outcome or result with the same question. Even though some of the answers she came up with were logical, an emotional side denied it strongly making her more confused and irritated with herself.
Asuka on the other hand put up her usual attitude and expression. When people walked by that she knew, she made an effort to act like her normal self. Ayanami ignored her and continued her way to the homeroom. Rana also walked pass the redhead; however, she glanced back while continuing forward.
'How can she detach herself from what happened yesterday?' the female twin thought looking forward and walking up the steps.
Seeing the First Child up ahead, she caught a glimpse of her expression. It was her normal stoic face as the blue haired teen went into the classroom. Knowing that Rei was more attached to Shinji than Asuka was, it was surprising that the First Child was able to hold her usual expression. Reaching the top of the steps, Rana stopped at the doorway and looked into the classroom.
'Maybe…maybe I can ask them how they are able to mask strong emotions,' Rana thought looking down before entering. When all three got into the classroom and sat at their desks, the Class Rep came in shortly after. Hikari saw that the usual group of four only had three. Blinking and going to her desk, she placed her stuff down. Hearing footsteps coming to her right, she saw it was her Eva pilot friend.
"Morning Hikari! How are you?" Asuka said with a bright smile.
"I'm well. How are you?"
"I'm doing alright as well," she stated then saw the freckled student glancing at the other two.
"…" Horaki said seeing a semi-lost expression on Rana's face. Rei was looking out the window with an unreadable face.
"Are they okay?"
"Oh them?" Asuka said looking at them then thinking of something quickly. "We had a girls study over last night about NERV. It went a little longer than planned and too in-depth of info."
"Oh, really?" Hikari stated seeing the redhead nod. "Must have been some serious stuff then. If it was about NERV stuff, how come you didn't include Ikari?"
"H-Him?!" the Second Child stated faltering a little. "I-It was a girls study! No boys allowed!"
"Okay, okay," the class rep said with a small smile that suddenly turned into a worried expression.
"Did something happen to him again?"
"…!?" Asuka said feeling her mind racing.
'Damn it, stop asking me about him Hikari!' she wailed in her mind trying not to yell at her friend. A thought quickly came to her mind.
"M-Misato called him to NERV…a-about some testing…oh yeah! It was a new testing for the Evas. We had to play straws and he drew the short straw to be the guinea pig!" the red-head said feeling the back of her neck sweating a little.
"R-really?!" an excited male student stated from the doorway. It was Kensuke.
"What kind of testing!?"
"Like I am going to tell you stooge," Asuka said with a frown seeing him sigh and walk passed her.
"Anyway," Asuka stated turning back to Hikari and engaged in mild conversation that was anything non-NERV related. Eventually the remaining students came into class with a couple of stragglers at the sound of the bell. Class started and everyone took their seats. After roll call, two people were absent. Though Hikari knew of why Ikari would not be present, she looked back to where the jock's seat was.
'Still not back yet,' she thought looking forward and glancing at school bag. 'I wonder…when he'll be back.'
Back in the NERV medical facility, Dr. Ikari was sitting up on her hospital bed. She had recovered enough strength to stand and walk around, but the Commander told her to take rest for two days. Despite her not wanting to, he ordered her. Even Sub-Commander Kozo insisted that she rest as well. The previous night was restless as she has been staring at the blank ceiling contemplating for hours.
'What happened?'
'How did this happen?'
'What caused him to do that?'
'How did the dummy system uncover new abilities in the Eva?'
'Why did the Eva self-eject the entry plug by itself?'
'How did Eva-03 get infected with the new Angel?'
'How come we couldn't identify that there was an Angel in the unit?'
'What could we have done differently?'
'Did the scrolls foretell this about the Third Child?'
'If so, why was this fate necessary?'
'I…never got to…ask him…' she thought pulling her knees up and her head down. 'I'll never know his answer.'
She failed to notice someone entering her room. The person sat in the chair next to her bed and kept quiet. He watched her in her balled up position knowing that the scientist was lost in her thoughts. Wanting to help her, he called out to her.
"Yui," Gendo said quietly.
"…" Dr. Ikari said flinching a little. Slowly lifting her head, she looked at him and blinked.
"You scared me," she stated with a depressed face.
"Sorry. Did you sleep any?" he asked relaxing his face a little.
"…no…I wasn't able to," she answered dropping her chin on her knees and hugging her knees more. "I kept wondering on how…and why…there is so many aspects that I can't comprehend over what happened."
"…" the Commander commented not moving and only blinking. "You should focus more on your recovery Yui."
"…how…how can I?!" Yui said raising her voice a little tensing up. "I'm still grasping that our son exploded into nothing!"
"We are still trying to figure out how that occurred," he replied moving his glasses up a little.
"…" she said sniffling a little. "…did the scrolls…indicate that-"
"No," the Commander stated reaching out a hand to her. He softly placed it on top of hers.
"There was no indication of the Third Child dying during the Angel war."
"…" she said raising her head a little and looking at his hand over hers. Despite the immediate urge to swipe his hand away, she let it stay.
'He is trying to help in his own way,' Yui thought trying to relax; however, the urge never left as he continued to only place his hand on top of hers. Deciding that she needed to get her mind distracted from the impulse, she blinked.
"Has tests been done to find out how Shinji combusted?"
"Dr. Akagi has done a couple," Gendo said removing his hand and taking off his glasses. "Of the tests done so far, none have given a clear indication on how or why."
"…" she commented rubbing her eyes from seeing blurry vision. "Is there anything that we can do…to bring him back?"
"As of right now…no," the Commander answered watching the scientist start shaking and breathing a little harder. "…I'm sorry Yui…"
"…"
She began breathing deeply and choked back tears until they started falling down her cheeks. He stared at her face slowly breakdown into a silent weeping gripping her curled up legs and bed sheets more. Slowly standing up, he moved next to the bedside. Gently placing his free hand on top of her head, he guided it to his torso. Too caught up with controlling her raving emotions, Dr. Ikari let him do his actions.
'I'm sorry Yui,' Gendo thought petting her head a little. Willing herself to not have an emotional breakdown, a thought came to mind. Thinking about it hard and quickly, it sounded possible to consider. Feeling her move around a little, Gendo gently pushed her back to lean back on the pillow. Yui started wiping her eyes and tried to calm down.
"Gendo…we still have someone…don't we?" Yui asked between deep breathes and sniffles.
"…you mean the female twin?"
"Yes…Rana."
"What would you like to do?" he asked moving the chair next to the bedside and sitting down.
"If she is…a twin…then it is possible to clone her…right?"
"…" Gendo said blinking and staring at her for a second. He felt a cold shiver go down his spine.
"…yes…that is possible."
"And then…we could…alter the chromosomes needed…to change the clone to a male."
"…yes…" the Commander said feeling his back starting to feel a little itchy.
"All we need…is a sample," Yui said blinking and uncoiling. She turned to him with a semi-relieved expression that still looked in anguish.
"…" he said blinking and crossing his arms over his chest. "If that is what you would like to do, then it can be arranged."
"R-right," she said smiling a little. "Then all we need is her conse-"
'If you won't acknowledge us, then I will never accept either of you!' a flashback came to Yui's mind of what Rana shouted.
'I HATE BOTH OF YOU!'
'I HATE BOTH OF YOU!'
'I HATE BOTH OF YOU!'
'I HATE BOTH OF YOU!'
'I HATE…YOU!' the last repeat echoed and slowly decayed in her mind.
"Yui?" Gendo said watching the scientist's face slowly become contorted and pained. She curled up into a ball and placed her head on her knees. Feeling uncomfortable, he watched her silently breakdown again.