The Diego Diaries: Stuff (dd6 514)
-0-Afternoon on Cybertron
They climbed into their ship and began the trek to the bridge nearby in space that would take them back to Mars. On board, there were a lot of different things that had to go to the conservators there. Several firms were established to do such things, some specializing in art while others restored fixtures, books and data banks. It was quiet on board then Ironhide glanced at Prime. "We haven't gone to see Megatron Prime lately. Any word from him?"
"Just updates. They are chasing a few dissident renegades for capture before they reach open space. Apparently, they have a different configuration of some kind in their local group. More different aliens and places to hide," Prime said. "I asked Jetta to work out an expansion of the prison."
"What about the metros? Do they have dreads?" Ironhide asked as he noted the ship descending toward Mars after blasting through the stationary deep space bridge that hung in orbit over Iacon.
"The titans have given their allegiance to Megatron. They will obey a Prime no matter what happened. I never asked about Dreadnoughts. I will put that on the communications for next send." Prime glanced at the hatch which was starting to open even as they barely touched down. "I think I want to know more about the Whites, Ironhide," he said as he stood. The pair walked down the ramp to the ground before Prime turned to him. "I think we need to take one into custody. Something tells me that we are looking at the presence of the Vril Society. The reputation of the others appears to be stellar."
"Then we should have Jazz and Elita do it," Ironhide said. "Their homeland appears to be in the Bootes or at least we think so. The exact destination is still not known. What if the Vril live in a different place than the rest of them? What if we're barking up the wrong tree here. We could be branding all of them with the same brush."
Prime nodded. "I know. I want to know more. Grab one and put them in a enviro chamber if we can. Surely, we can lure them out. We need to know what is going on," Prime said.
Ironhide nodded as they watched the boxes of recovered artifacts being driven on a small truck toward the road and the Museum of Cybertron nearby. They both walked onward in the bright daylight of an early afternoon on Mars. It was a welcome relief from the eternal darkness of Cybertron.
-0-Dojo
They watched as Willa and Artur, her bond put up Christmas Surprise lights around the big windows of the dojo. Planted in chairs and the couches of the lounge nearby, they commented on the 'initiative of youth'.
"Infant there is tall enough to do that without a ladder. Good on Willa to get a tall mech. A slagger needs one to get into the tall cupboards," Kup said as the mechs who were watching grinned and nodded in agreement.
"They can come to my house when they're done," Splice said as the others laughed.
"Tell us about the great romance," Twin Twist said as he grinned at the big Autobot and Watchman who had grown up in the Youth Center with the twins.
"What? And deprive you of the mystery of your first time?" Splice said as the room erupted in laughter.
"In your dreams, slagger," Twin said with a snicker. "What's a nice educated mech like Burrow doing with a reprobate like you? What is it he does again?"
Splice smirked. "He's got a good catch, fraggers. He's an energy scientist. He works at the Plasma Chamber facility."
"Frag," Twin said. "Sounds high caste."
"He is," Splice said to everyone's hooting and hollering.
"Bring him to Ada's thanksgiving," Drift said as he sat beside Springer with one leg thrown over the big yellow and green mech's own. They were joking about 'who's your daddy?' and apparently Drift won.
"I might do that," Spice said. "What's the contest this year?"
"Candy," Drift replied.
"I can get behind that. What are you two making? Or is that too Betty Crocker for you?" Splice asked.
Initiate connect … search: Crocker, Betty, short bio, download, cut transmission, delete search record.
They all had a reputation to protect.
"No," Twin said. "How hard can candy be to make?"
Hercy and Kup laughed loudly on the inside. Then Hercy looked at the slaggers slouching in chairs and couches all around him. "Dare ya to find out."
-0-Moments later
A big group of hard bitten soldiers grabbed carts and walked into the Grocery at the Mall of Metroplex. They halted nearly immediately, then turned almost as one to stare at Hercy and Kup. Those two looked calm and collected then led the way to the baking aisle that seemed to disappear into infinity. Staring at the bounty of the fertile imagination of Rampage and his cadre of foodies, they looked at Hercy.
"What sorta candy do you wanna make?" he asked calmly. "Chocolate types, hard candy, what?"
"Chocolate." -all of them
"Follow me," Hercy said as he led them forward. They stood like lambs at a slaughter as they watched him dump slag into their carts. Up and down four rows they went, then headed with him to the check out. "Box 'em up, infants. These slaggers volunteered to enter Ratchet's candy contest."
A checker grinned at the group who looked at Hercy like he was nuts. Chuckling as he began with Drift and Springer's cart, he glanced at all of them. "You won't be the first through here."
It didn't look good for the Wreckers.
-0-Medical Center
Ratchet worked through his slag and then finished to his own great surprise. Walking through the wards quizzing his kids who were learning doctoring including Partition, he came to the conclusion that he was edging toward redundancy. Grinning at the desk mavens out front, he headed for the street and fun where it could be had. That's when he caught the squeal about the soldiers in Metroplex's grocery. Hurrying toward it like incoming, he made it to the halfway point in The Lesson. He was glad. He could use intel himself.
"Ada," Springer said as he stared at his basket with dismay. "I'm getting your candy stuff."
Huge hoohah greeted that as Ratchet peered inside and took discreet pictures of the contents. He managed as he joined the walkabout to take them of the others. Somewhere in the middle of the piles of slag in their carts lay victory. He could smell it.
"Now all you have to do is go home and make it," Hercy said at last.
"Make what?" -everyone there but Ratchet who was just THINKING it
"Why … every trophy position below first place," Kup said to everyone's howling laughter and/or derision. With that, both of the old coots walked out of the store.
Everyone watched them go then turned back to Ratchet.
"What?" he asked.
"Your house, Ada. You're going to teach us how to do this," Springer said as the others loaded up on beer for the Good of the Order. It would be a snarky and hilarious check out at the grocery.
-0-Home
Four big boxes of stuff sat on the table nearby as Ratchet hurriedly went through the recipe database of Teletraan to find recipes for candy that would be lesser beings than that which he planned for himself. He turned to the mechs with a dazzling smile, then frowned. All of them were lounging on the couches and chairs with a beer. "Fraggers."
"Make us look good, Ada," Springer said with a grin. "You know ya wanna."
"Your aft I do. I'm going to win this slagger this time," he said as he glanced into the boxes. "Alright. I'll make you something. Then you can stick it up your afts."
"I think there's some storage there," Splice said, "if I bend over."
HUGE laughter and agreement along with stories about where to store knives and grenades.
Wreckers.
Ratchet smirked, then took Splice's box. Let me see ..."
Ratchet pulled out something called 'white candy coating' which appeared to be some kind of white colored almond thing. He got a bowl, put it in, then heated it up in the microwave. Two seconds later, he took it out almost dropping the bowl it was so hot, then set it on the table. Taking bags with some kind of candied cherries and almonds, he dumped them all in, measurements be damned. Stirring madly, he spread them out on a cookie sheet and stared at it. "Done, slagger."
Springer stared at him, then Drift. "That's it?"
Ratchet smirked at him, then smiled brilliantly as he held up his big red servos. "See these? This magical servos? I put servos on and make slaggers look like geniuses."
"Is that what happened to Ironhide?" Twin asked.
Ratchet snickered, then frowned at him. "THAT'S MY BIG OLD MECH!" He grinned. "I'll tell him you said so, Twin."
"No rush," he said with a smirk. "Who's next? Me?"
Ratchet looked into his box, then grinned. "I got this," he said as he smirked at the big mech who smirked back.
"Why am I suddenly afraid?" Drift asked Springer.
"Practice?" Springer replied as they all laughed.
But Ratchet.
MIX-A-MIX-A!
MELT! MELT!MELT!MELT!
MOLD! PAT-A-PAT-A-PAT!
DUMPA-DUMPA-DUMP!
MOLD! PAT-A-PAT-A! MOLD!
Ratchet grinned. "There. A chocolate fudge thing with lotsa stuff. If anyone asks, that's what it's called."
Sitting on a plate was a massed chocolate confection that he had whipped up, filled with raisins, nuts, marshmallows and some of Springer and Drift's candied cherries. Ratchet had molded and shaped it to something that one often saw on emoji lists on the internet.
"Does that look like a steaming dump to you, Sandy?" Twin asked Sandstorm who was chuckling beside him.
"I've seen those in emails. I think Bot-Twit has about fifteen different ones. Right, Sideswipe? Sunny?" Sandy asked as he glanced at the twins.
Sunstreaker was looking at Ratchet like he was a god and Sideswipe was taking snaps. "We do but this one is our new avatar. I think it symbolizes what Bot-Twit represents better than any other logo we thought about. Right, Sunny?"
Sunstreaker stood up and walked to it, looking at it from all sides like the artist he was. He looked at Ratchet with a smirk, then picked it up and ate it. It was amazing how much screaming a bunch of mechs can make in a small space without collapsing the roof.
Seconds later …
"What did it taste like?" -everyone staring at Sunstreaker and his hitherto for unknown penchant to eat poo.
"Like chocolate poo," Sunstreaker said as Ratchet laughed loudly. "Come sit next to me." Sunstreaker walked back to his couch and sat. Ratchet walked over and sat with him. They clanked beer bottles and everyone put their peds up.
"I'm going to taste that slag you just made. I think I like the shape better," Springer said as he got up. He walked to the counter, broke off a piece of now hardened candy, then ate it. "This is good. First place." He gave everyone a bite, they agreed it would take about tenth place to be ornery though it was really really good, then sat back with their beer and peds up.
"What's the deal on Roddy and Smokey?" Ratchet asked as they ate more candy including some Ratchet pulled out of his end table where he stored it for late night binging.
"They don't speak," Drift said. "They don't much like each other right now."
"Neither did you two if memory serves me right." Ratchet grinned. "Maybe we can lock them in the electrical closet in Engineer Corridor."
"Like you and Atar used to do? I remember thinking an earthquake was happening one night," Sideswipe said with a chuckle.
"Jealous, much?" Ratchet asked with a smug grin.
"No." -everyone there.
The door opened and a passel of little kids dressed as Teletubbies ran in, then halted nearly causing a pile up. They stared at the mechs, then the candy, then made a frontal attack on the tray which Ratchet rescued. "Dinner is coming. Later."
"WHAT! ADA! I, ORION NEED THE SHES!" a miniature version of Ironhide bellowed to the world.
"No." -Ratchet
"Ada bad. SPLIFF! ADA NOT GOOD ME!"
Drift who was laughing held out his servos. "Come to me. I'll help you pack."
"He's yours," Ratchet said as he continued to eat the candy.
"Why you doing? ADA BAD TO I, ORION! I COMED TO HERE! I JUST A WORKIN' ALL THING DERE! I COMED HERE TO THE SHES AND ADA NOT DOING!" Orion said with enormous angst and volume as his little triangle embellishment on his helm quivered with outrage.
"You slaved all orn?" Drift asked as he held the baby. The others standing in front of the coffee table watched the show without a sound as Ravel walked over to sit on a chair to be entertained with the 'nice boys'.
"I, Orion did the doing. I did this and that. Comed there to doing. I singed," he said, then burst into song. "I doing the she," he said as he slid down and began to dance. He paused to glower at Ratchet. "Ada not doing, I, Orion."
"Got that right, kid," Ratchet said as he shared out the rest with the mechs. "We're old and decrepit but you, slagger still have hope. So no, no candy before dinner."
Orion stared at Ratchet, then looked at Drift. He walked to Drift staring at Ratchet as he did, then moved close to him. "I, Orion goed wif Spliff. You, ada, not goed."
HUGE laughter. No candy.
-0-TBC 11-6-18 edited 11-24-18
Betty Crocker is a fictitious lady used to front baking items and cake mixes. She's one of those who get it right every time. Think Hercy in a dress. Good products, though.