Chapter Five;

Back in Molly's suite, Rose told her all about her life these past thirteen years and how she managed to keep going. She told her of how she thought about ending her own life, again, the same day, the Carpathia docked.

"Stepping off of the Carpathia alone, reminded me that Jack was really gone." Rose sobbed as she wiped away the tears from her face. "I didn't have anyone. My heart was shattered into millions of pieces and I felt as if I were being crushed."

Molly could hear the hurt in her voice and she wished she could take it away. She knew that there wasn't anything she could say or do, that would ease the pain Rose felt, from losing Jack. She placed her hands on top of Rose's and rubbed them. "I am terribly sorry you lost Jack." She felt a tear fall from her eye as she thought about Jack and envisioned his smiling face. "He was a fine young man."

"That he was." Rose smiled. "He was so full of life."

"You're damn right he was!" Molly smiled. "He was also very thankful." She found herself thinking of the day she helped him adjust the suit that she loaned him for the dinner with Rose. "He was so proud of that suit. He told me that he never thought he'd be wearing such expensive material." She laughed. "He asked me if he should have it cleaned before returning it."

Rose could feel the love she had for him grow. "Sounds like something he would say."

Molly sipped on her tea just listening to Rose talk about Jack.

"Do you know that Jack saved me?"

"Yes. He caught you before you went over, while you were looking at the propellers." Molly said as she sat her tea down.

Rose smiled and shook her head. "That isn't what happened.."

"What?" Molly screeched.

"I was going to jump off."

Molly's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "Why?"

"I was tired of Cal and mother. I was tired of feeling like a caged animal. I wasn't allowed to do the things I wanted to do. I was just tired of that life."

"I can see why. Cal was an arrogant son of a bitch.. I don't know how you put up with him for so long." She chuckled "I would have killed him, if I were you... But... But you aren't me so just forget I said that."

Rose sighed "Mother..." Rose twitched, thinking about her. "She made me."

"Speaking of Ruth.. I haven't seen her since the day Carpathia docked.."

Rose looked down at her hands "I haven't seen her since the night of the sinking."

Molly gasped "How.. why... I mean.." Molly's words weren't coming out, she was in total shock. She thought that maybe Rose and Ruth were in each others life. "Your mother.. she..."

"My mother... What about her?" Rose asked,looking at Molly. Trying to keep the anger and resentment she felt for Ruth, locked deep inside.

"I'll never forget those screams of pure agony when that ship went down." She stared blankly as she remembered that night. "Ruth.. She was screaming and crying. Begging God to take her and begging the Quartermaster to go back, but he refused." Sadness filled her voice "I kept saying we needed to go back, but he kept insisting that they would swamp the boat. I wasn't going to give up, but he said there'd be one less on the boat if I didn't shut the whole in my face."

Rose gasped in shock "I can't believe he'd say such a thing." Not even bothering to acknowledge Ruth any further. "I would have punched him in the nose."

Molly looked at Rose, noticing she didn't care to talk about Ruth. After meeting Ruth, she could kind of understand where Rose was coming from. She would like to know, but she decided to just drop it and let Rose pick the subject from here on out. Molly sipped on her tea and shook her head.

"The day Carpathia docked in New York, I stepped off and looked around at the crowds of people everywhere. People looking for family and friends, that we're claimed by the Atlantic ocean. It was horrible, Molly." Rose wiped at the tears. "Which I'm sure you witnessed yourself."

"It was a terrible sight." Molly said as she placed her hands in her lap, twiddling her fingers. "I have one question... How did you manage to escape the media? They were everywhere shoving microphones and cameras in our faces."

Rose chuckled "I had one shove a camera in my face, but I threw my hand up. I ducked down and moved away from there as fast as I could."

Molly chuckled "They followed me to my hotel room and waited outside the door."

"They are despicable people."

"They really are." Molly frowned. "Where did you end up at?"

"Well after I was safely away from all the chaos, I walked around town for about an hour. I found a cheap hotel and got a room there on the eleventh floor."

"Where did you get the money?" Molly questioned, knowing that Cal nor Ruth would allow her to keep any money of her own.

"Cal had put money in a jacket pocket, along with the heart of the ocean. He put the jacket on me."

"He's a smart one, huh?" Molly chuckled, remembering what Rose had told her about him framing Jack. "Weren't you scared wandering the streets alone?"

Rose shook her head. "I was too busy trying not to think, to be scared." She sighed. "The room wasn't the greatest and it had a weird smell."

"Been to my share of those." She giggled. "I usually try to find cheap rooms, but sometimes I'll splurge a little, like this room. First time I've stayed in a suite in about two years."

Rose looked at her, studying her. She wasn't like any of those rich people she had been forced to be around. She was in a league all her own. She was truly an amazing woman. "You're not like other people and that is a wonderful thing."

Molly waved her comment away playfully and giggled. "That is because I know what it's like to be poor and not have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of." Molly told her about her life before her husband found gold.

Rose looked at her, studying her face and smiled. "I'm really glad I have a friend like you, Molly. You're not judgemental at all."

"I'd never judge you or anyone else, Rose." She smiled.

Rose looked at Molly and smiled. "I need to tell you something.. Something I've never mentioned to anyone." She looked around to make sure Joseline was still out of earshot and began the story of her almost suicide. She placed her hands in her lap and began, her mind wandering away, back to that first night alone in her hotel, wanting her pain to end. Thinking of Jack and all of the people who froze to death waiting to be saved. Their screams were haunting her.

April 18, 1912;

"Stop please!" Rose begged as she slid up against the wall placing her hands over her ears, trying to stop them from screaming. The harder she pushed her hands over her ears, the louder the screams became.

Suddenly she was back in the water.

Her hand was clinging to Jack's. She could hear the screams, they were horrifying. They were all dying and no one could save them.

She looked at Jack, his face was white and he was shivering. "They need help, Jack." She said, though her voice was hoarse and it hurt to talk.

"We.. we.. can't... Can't save them." He said, barely audible.

Rose laid back down, looking up to the sky, praying for the screaming to stop. She wanted so badly to help them, but she couldn't.

After what seemed like forever, everything was quiet. All she could hear was the water slapping up against the floating debris. "Jack..." she said as she tried to move.

He didn't answer. She could feel her heart fall to her feet, even though she felt frozen. "Jack.." she cried as she found the strength to turn over and look at him.

She found herself staring at Jack, who was frozen to death. "Jack, wake up..." she cried as she shook his hand with what strength she had left. In that moment, she was refusing to accept that he was gone. She shook even harder, even though it hurt. "Damnit Jack, get up!

He didn't move, just floated there. She looked at him again and cried, still not willing to accept that he was gone, but she had no choice now.

She gripped his hand a little tighter and rolled back over onto her back. She closed her eyes and prayed that all those people in the water were safe now.

She prayed that she'd die too. She wanted to go with Jack, wherever that was. "I love you, Jack." She cried out, still clutching his hand.

She saw the lights from the life boat. She blinked her eyes trying to adjust them, they were getting closer. She rolled back over looking at Jack. "Jack, there's a boat..."

She pulled her hands away from her ears and stood up. The screams were still loud and Jack's face still visible. "I know how to stop it." She said as she walked over to the window and opened it. She placed a leg out and gasped as she looked down and saw how far the ground was. "Can't stop now." She mumbled. "I'll see you soon, Jack."

She stuck her other leg out and was now sitting on the window sill, trying not to look down. She removed one hand from the side of the window and gasped. The voices stopped and Jack's face faded away.

She was about to remove her other hand when she heard him. "Don't do it."

She sobbed as she looked around, searching for him. He wasn't there. "I need to, I have to end this pain."

"Not here...Not this night. Do you understand me?" His voice echoing inside her head. "You promised me that you'd survive... That'd you'd never give up, Rose."

She looked down again "I... I can't.. I can't keep that promise." She whispered as a breeze flew through her hair and her other hand flew back up to the side of the window, as if someone quickly placed it there.

She sobbed as she remembered her promise to him. "I promised you that I would survive.. that I'd never give up.. no matter what happened.. no matter how hopeless.." She slowly placed her legs back inside the window and stood up. She felt a sense of calm, like she'd never felt before.

Molly was staring at her, with a hand over her mouth, trying to understand what kind of pain she must have been feeling to want to end her life that way. She couldn't find words for her, instead she leaned over and hugged Rose tightly.

Rose returned the hug and smiled. "Thank you." She said as she wiped away a tear. "I just missed him so much. I also couldn't get those screams to stop. I just wanted my pain to end."

"That is quite understandable. I am so glad that you didn't go through with it."

Rose looked over to where Joseline was and smiled. "I am too."

Molly could see the love Rose had for her child. "She's a lovely girl and she's lucky to have you as her mother." The love Rose had for her daughter was unlike anything she had ever witnessed and it warmed her heart.

"No.. I'm lucky to be her mom." Rose smiled. "She's the one person who keeps me going. When times get hard, I look at her and remember that I have to keep going for her. Without her, I would have given up a long time ago."

Molly smiled. "You're both lucky." She looked over to Joseline and couldn't help but wonder what Jack would think of her. "He would definitely love her." Molly whispered, looking back to Rose. "I bet he is so proud of you and her."

Rose smiled back at Molly. Thinking of Jack, he would definitely love her. She would be the center of his world, if only he could be here with them now. She would give almost anything for just one day with him and Joseline together. Sure Joseline could be a stubborn brat, but she was something Rose had never had before. She was hope, love and life and she was the light that kept Rose going.