Heyyy have some more!
Danny sat with his usual group at lunch, but the conversation quickly turned very dull. Jackie and her friends were discussing some TV show they'd watched in the common room last night. Danny had been in there but he'd actually been reading his book in the corner - thankfully they'd been too distracted to notice. Today his mind was wandering easily and he couldn't help but glance over to where Clara was sat with Jess and Faye. She looked really happy, in fact she had a lovely smile with it. He hated how sad she looked sometimes, it wasn't fair. He wished he knew more too, there was so much going on, she was shrouded in mystery and he still couldn't put his finger on what was going on. She was clever, there was something strong-willed about her underneath all those nerves and he knew there was a lot she was hiding.
"Earth to Danny? What're you staring at?" Jackie waved a hand in front of her face and looked around to where he was looking.
He quickly clicked back and realised she'd turned to look. "Oh nothing, I was staring into thin air to be honest, just a bit tired today," he managed to force a yawn to corroborate his story. "I might just go lie down for a bit before 5th, see you there?" Jackie shrugged and Danny stood up, making his escape before anyone could argue.
He didn't go to his room though, he went to the library and found a quiet corner, pulling out the book and carrying on where he left off. It was good, really good, he hated to admit it but he was really enjoying reading it.
"Didn't expect to see you in here," Clara's voice made him look up quickly. She was leaning against the wall and watching him. "How's it going?" she nodded at the book.
"Alright I guess," he played it off.
"Liar, you're loving it - otherwise you wouldn't already be that far in," she pointed out, standing up and sitting opposite him, looking over the book. "Ahh you've got a really good bit coming up!"
Danny smiled at her, shutting the book up for a moment. "What you doing in here anyway?"
"Oh Faye and Jess are gonna help me sort some stuff out for science," she saw him look round, "it's fine they've gone to find a table, I spotted you reading so I made some excuse about wanting to find a book."
"Thank you," he smiled, "listen... could I pick your brains about something tonight?" Clara looked a little confused. "It's nothing exciting, just this English essay, I could do with someone reading it. Grammar isn't my strong point, I keep getting picked up on it."
"Am I your personal tutor now?" she asked, smirking slightly and Danny laughed. "Yeah of course," she grabbed a bit of paper and wrote down her number. "Text me where and when?" he nodded. "I'd better go. See you later," she stood up and jogged off to meet the girls.
#-#-#-#
They met in the library, back in the little corner where they'd spoken earlier. Nobody ever came round this way according to Danny so they were safe. Clara sat down a little nervously, pulling out a couple of books from her bag. "The English essay then… how far have you got?" Danny grabbed his notebook and pulled it out, opening it up. "Still use the old fashioned stuff then?"
"I prefer it. Something nice about a paper and pen - less distraction too," he handed it over. "I've finished it, but it doesn't feel right."
Clara read it over and made a few notes on it, "you know I'm not perfect right?"
"I know, but you're better at this than me and you care more so that's good enough. So what do you think?" Danny asked as Clara finished reading.
"It's good, you've got some really interesting points in here. I just think you need to maybe reorder it a little, it feels a little… I don't know, it could read smoother? Then there's a few grammar things I've circled, but it's really good," she smiled and handed it back. "You didn't really need me."
Danny shrugged and looked, "I can improve it thanks to you. How's yours going?"
"Nearly finished, I'll be on time," she told him. "I should get back…" she picked up her bag.
Danny shut his notebook up and turned to face her. "I'll be honest, I did want your help but I kinda just wanted to talk as well?" Clara didn't quite know how to respond to that, biting her lip and sitting back a little.
"What about?" she asked.
Danny took a deep breath, trying to work out how to phrase it, "you? I guess… I don't know if you really want to talk about it but nobody knows anything about you."
"Not strictly true - Jess, Faye and Paula all know," she replied and Danny rolled his eyes. "There's a reason nobody knows Danny, I get enough stick as it is without people knowing why as well."
"I know, but not from me," he replied, "after the other day… I'm just worried about you, I want to know how I can help."
"You've only known me a couple of weeks Danny," Clara still hadn't taken her bag off her shoulder yet. "You've been really nice, but…"
"But I'm going out with the girl who's bullying you," he sighed. Clara didn't want to say it so she was quite glad he had, she nodded in agreement. "What if I told you I didn't want to be going out with her?"
"That's your decision not mine," Clara shrugged, "where is this going Danny? I really don't want to upset anyone."
"I really like you Clara, you're so genuine and quite honestly so much more beautiful than all those girls that think they are. I think I've been clouded for a long time and-" Clara had to stop him and stood up.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this," she quickly turned around and walked off.
Clara got back to the room and ran inside, shutting the door behind her and taking a few deep breaths.
"You okay? Clara?" Jess had got up from her bed and come over to her. "What's up?"
"Nothing, I'm fine, just jogged up the corridor for some reason - bad decision. Don't let me do that again," she smiled and passed it off, chucking her bag down by her bed and sitting down. "You guys okay?"
"Mmm yes, done bugger all work of course," Faye replied and Clara laughed. "Did you get the essay finished?"
"Almost, I'm too tired to work anymore tonight," she lay back on her bed. "This week has been a lot better than last."
"You seem a lot more relaxed. Jackie and that lot are still saying so much though…" Clara shrugged as she lay on the bed.
She turned on her side to face in the room, "I'm used to it now, I just ignore it - it's the best way. I've got you guys, that's far more important than what some jealous wannabes think," she smiled a little.
"You're not convincing me Clara," Jess faced her, laying on her own bed, "you can talk to us."
Clara knew she couldn't tell them what was on her mind right now. She turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling, "I can't let it get to me again, I have to be better than that. I've got through a whole week with no attacks, that's the most important thing."
"We're glad you're here, and I'm happy you've had such a good week. What're you doing tomorrow? I guess you're still not allowed out?" Jess asked.
Clara shrugged, "it's fine. I'm just gonna work again, Paula offered to do something with me but it'd be a little weird. It's nice and peaceful being on your own here anyway. Until I… well, you know, last week was really good. I thrive in a library."
"You're weird," Faye grinned.
"I'm tired, I'm gonna sleep if that's okay?" Clara told them and smiled, settling down.
#-#-#-#
She did spend the day in the library and she got a lot done. Clara was about to pack up when her phone went.
Can we talk? D x
Clara sighed, she didn't know how to react. She liked Danny, but it couldn't ever happen. If it did he would lose so much, she couldn't do that so someone. There was something about him that she felt so comfortable with, almost like she subconsciously knew how much he cared. But she cared about him too much to ruin his school life by taking him away from all his friends.
I'm going to be in the corner again after dinner, I'll understand if you don't come x.
He text again, obviously not sure if she would actually reply. Clara wanted to reply, but she didn't know what to say, she didn't even know if she was going to turn up. Time would tell…
When everyone returned Clara was interrupted as she read by Faye and Jess bursting in. "Hey!" she looked up, smiling. "You look like you've had a good time?"
"Oh hardly, that was one very dull museum. How was your day?" They both fell down on Clara's bed, pretending to be worn out.
Clara put her book down, sitting up to make room for them. "I worked, I read, it was pretty nice really. I do wish I could do more with you all though, missed you guys today."
"We wish you could come with us too, but you gotta do the best for you right? Come on - let's get dinner I'm absolutely starving."
They went down to the canteen and sat at the table over dinner going through what they'd been up to today. Clara had to laugh at their obvious disgust at how dull this museum was that they'd been to. "I mean honestly, we're not 5 year olds but they had us colouring in pictures of dinosaurs?!"
"Ah, but did you keep inside the lines?" Clara asked, gesturing a little with her fork. "Maybe it was a test," she grinned.
"I bloody hope not mine was awful, really couldn't be bothered," Faye laughed and sat back as she finished eating. "That was good." Clara and Jess finished soon after and Clara looked at the clock. "You got somewhere to be?" Her phone went off as Faye spoke and she knew who it would be.
I'm here x
She took a deep breath and looked up, "yeah, sorry I've got a quick meeting about something. See you back at the room in a bit?" Clara stood up and they nodded, informing her they wanted to play Cards Against Humanity so she couldn't be too long. "I'll be as quick as I can, promise," she grinned and headed off out of the canteen, arriving down at the library soon after. She spotted Danny before he saw her and for some reason she had to dive down between some shelves out of sight. What was she going to say to him? How was this going to go? It took her a couple of minutes to compose herself before she went through and sat down next to him, dropping her bag to the floor.
"Clara…" he started but she shook her head.
"No, please, let me say this before I change my mind. Danny if anything was to ever happen between us you would lose so much. I can't be responsible for that. It's not fair for you to lose your friends, your stability… it would affect you, your schoolwork, probably your future. You're bright, popular, sporty, everything you need to be to get on here and I am not going to be the person to stop that." Clara finished and took a deep breath. "I care too much about you for that…"
Danny looked a little stunned and didn't reply straight away. He sat up a little more and slowly reached out to take her hand which she let him do. "Clara you don't understand. I love my friends, I love my sport and I really enjoy school, but there's something so special about you," he was clearly trying to work out where to go next. "This is going to sound stupid, we're both still young, but when I first saw you that day having a panic attack it's like I just wanted to protect you for the rest of my life."
"Danny we're teenagers, nobody will ever take this seriously," Clara replied, holding his hand in return now as she grew more comfortable. "Besides, you know nothing about me."
"So tell me, because I want to know everything. I want to be able to help you, care for you," he shook his head, "this sounds so cringey and wrong but I really like you and I don't know how else to say it." Clara looked around now.
"Not here, if we talk it needs to be private - I know where," she stood up and grabbed her bag. Danny followed, albeit a few steps behind incase they were seen.
Clara walked through until she got to a small room. Danny realised he didn't even know this was here. She opened the door, making sure nobody else was around before gesturing for Danny to follow her and then shutting the door behind them both. "This room is basically mine, it's somewhere I can escape and nobody will bother me so… ideal really." She sat down on the sofa in there and Danny sat beside her. "There's a lot wrong with me Danny, my brain is really screwed up," she started bluntly.
Danny shook his head, "I can't believe that's really true, what happened? Why do you have these attacks? Because something tells me you haven't always been like this."
"Until a year ago I was a normal kid like anyone else, I had loads of friends, I loved school and home. Then my Mum died," she had to stop for a moment to compose herself. Danny reached out again for her hand and she took it for comfort. "It was sudden really, nobody was ready. I tried to be strong for everyone, for my Dad, but I couldn't. Then this all started happening, I couldn't face people I didn't know well, I'd panic and collapse all the time or hit out at people without meaning to. Dad was still grieving, he couldn't cope with me. My Gran tried, but she's too old to be worrying about me all the time. That's why I ended up here…" she looked at the small window. "It's better than out there, but everyone still thinks I'm a freak."
"Not everyone," Danny replied, "definitely not everyone."
"I can't upset anymore people Danny," she sighed and let go of his hand. "That's why this can't happen, because you won't be able to cope either and then you'll have nothing."
"What if nobody needed to know?" he suddenly asked and Clara's head shot up. "Honestly, what if we didn't tell anyone? We just keep this secret. Then you don't have to worry about everything."
"No we can't! Danny… I can't…" she started, "we've known each other for almost no time, we can't risk all this for what could just be-"
Danny stood up, "it's not just anything Clara and you know that, but I'm not going to force you to do anything because I know what that will do to you. I'll leave you alone, I understand. I'll see you tomorrow." He left without any further words and Clara didn't move. She stared at the opposite wall, unable to bring herself to move. She wanted to say yes, she wanted to be with Danny, but they were only teenagers right? It was stupid, it was… it was exactly how her parents described their relationship at the start.
Her Mum had told her the story hundreds of times. Everyone told them they were too young, that they couldn't possibly know how it felt, but they didn't give up. People tried to keep them apart to get them through the 'phase' but they just met up in secret. As a child Clara had told herself she wanted to be in a relationship like that. She'd watched her parents love and care for each other her whole life and she wanted that. What she imagined it would feel like was exactly where she was now, but she was still too scared. Her Dad had lost her Mum, she saw how much that broke him. Clara looked towards the door where Danny had walked out and sighed, was she making a huge mistake? Maybe she'd never know.
By the time she got back to the room the others had settled down. Clara couldn't sleep, she lay awake most of the night staring at the ceiling, thinking over the events. She felt tears, but she couldn't bring herself to wipe them away. She felt the pain in her head come on and she knew what was going to happen. Clara reached for her phone and just managed to get a text to Paula before she felt herself lose consciousness.
Danny sat up when his phone went off. It was getting late but he couldn't sleep. He was quite surprised to see Clara's name on his screen when he looked over. He opened the text and suddenly jumped out of bed. He was pretty sure she hadn't meant to send this to him, most likely it was meant for Paula, but something was definitely wrong. He didn't know what to do, he needed to get her help…
He managed to sneak out of his room and then ran off down the corridor to do the only thing he could think of right now. When he made it to their room he banged on the door as much as he could until he heard movement.
"Hey who's doing that?!" Jess' voice came from inside the room, but not a moment later he heard what he was waiting for, "Clara?" As soon as he knew they were with her he ran off and knocked on the on-call teacher's room.
"Sir I think something's happening in one of the girl's room, I was walking back from the loos and I heard someone shouting?" Danny told him being as vague as possible.
"Alright, thank you I will investigate. You go back to bed now," Mr Hale told him and left Danny to it. He didn't go back to bed, he waited until he could get closer and hide to listen to what was going on.
Back in the bedroom, Jess and Faye had managed to look after Clara as she fitted and Mr Hale arrived just as she stopped.
"How long has she been out?" Mr Hale asked.
"I don't know, she was like it when we woke up," Jess told him, "maybe 4 minutes?"
Clara started to come round, her eyes drifting open. "Clara! It's fine you're with us, Faye and Jess," Faye quickly got in there before she started panicking. "Mr Hale is here too, we're all looking after you."
"Clara I know we don't need to take you to hospital, but we need to keep an eye on you tonight," he told her. "I'll need to give Paula a ring." Clara suddenly remembered the text, but it clearly hadn't gone through so she didn't mention it. "I'll be back soon," he told them and left.
Jess moved so she was sat on the bed beside her and Clara sat herself up a little, "sorry… you shouldn't need to be awake looking after me…" she yawned and rubbed her head.
"Don't be stupid, it's not your fault. Is everything okay? You said sometimes emotions can affect it…?" Faye asked her.
Clara bit her lip for a moment but shook her head. "No, no it's fine. I couldn't sleep, maybe I was tired? I don't know… I feel okay now," she explained and reached for her phone, picking it up. It was then she saw who she'd text before her collapse. She silently cursed herself. "Who got Mr Hale?"
Both Faye and Jess looked at each other, "we don't actually know, I guess he heard something?" Clara nodded and looked back at her phone - she was pretty sure what happened, but that was best left for another day.
Paula didn't take long to arrive, she only lived round the corner. Clara smiled a little sheepishly as she walked into the room. "Well well well Clara Oswald, what drama have you been causing?" she chuckled.
"Just the usual, causing everyone panic," she shrugged. "I'm sorry for getting you up."
Paula shook her head, "it's no problem, all part of the service. Now then, we need to get you all back to bed. I'm gonna be just down the hall and I'll have to pop in every hour to check on Clara, I'll try not to disturb you all. Is that okay for everyone?" They all agreed, heading back to their own beds. "Clara, you feeling okay for me to leave?"
"I'm fine, honestly, just need to sleep. Thank you." Paula nodded and once everyone had settled down she left.
Clara waited a few minutes and picked her phone up again, texting Danny again.
Was it you? x
Danny had returned to his room now he knew Clara was safe, but was grateful for her text.
Kind of. Woke Jess and Faye up and got Mr Hale, told him I'd heard them shouting. Are you okay? X
Clara smiled, she knew it.
Tired, takes it out of you. You should get to sleep anyway, sorry to wake you. Night x
She put her phone down then, things were still awkward between them, she still didn't know how to feel, but he really did care.
Maybe he was different...