My word I'm getting this written fast… it's addictive. Have another chapter full of cuteness (and a little bit of added drama of course).
Danny arrived almost dead on 9 and Clara was only just ready when he knocked on the door. It was a surprisingly warm day considering the time of year so she'd found a flowery dress in her wardrobe and put tights on with it. For the first time in a while she left her hair down too and done her makeup properly. She wanted to make an effort, it was a nice feeling to want to do that.
When Clara opened the door Danny almost gasped, "what is it?" she asked, a little confused by his reaction.
"You look gorgeous, we are just planning on staying in the house right?" he checked and Clara chuckled.
"Yeah, I just fancied making the effort today," she smiled and let him in.
"You should wear your hair down more often, it really suits you," he smiled and Clara automatically brought her hand up to her hair to cover her face a little. "No don't," Danny's hand was up to hers before she realised, tucking her hair back behind her ear. They made eye contact for a few moments before Clara cleared her throat and moved towards the living room where she had her work out on the floor and her laptop open. Danny followed and put his bag down. "Hey you got one!" he pointed at the laptop.
"Dad surprised me with it, he's trying to make things up to me," she sat down on the floor. "Oh do you want anything to drink or eat?"
Danny reached into the bag, "I bought snacks - couldn't resist," he chuckled and she rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's get stuck into the work then."
They soon realised they worked very productively together, bouncing ideas off each other for their own projects. The time passed by without them realising and they only really looked up when Clara's phone rang. She looked at her phone on the floor and saw her Dad's name on the screen. She picked it up, putting her finger to her lips to tell Danny to keep quiet.
Clara sat and listened as her Dad rolled off questions, answering yes and no to the respective ones. He was paranoid after the other night now that much was clear, but at least he cared. Danny was sat opposite her pulling faces and she had to resist the urge to laugh and kept kicking him to try and get him to stop. Suddenly he grabbed her leg and Clara squealed slightly, quickly covering her mouth and gave him evils.
"What was that?" her Dad asked, "are you okay?"
"Yes, yeah I just caught my leg on something. Need to pay more attention," she spoke cheerfully to keep him happy. "I'm gonna go and get lunch then. See you later," she hung up quickly. "Are you trying to get me into trouble?!" she jumped over the work and grabbed him. "Cheeky sod. You can make me lunch for that," she grinned, resting her arms over him from behind.
"Mmm sounds like a good deal to me," he smiled. "Come on then, lunchtime."
Danny made them up some rather posh looking sandwiches using ingredients he'd found in the kitchen and handed her the plate. Clara had watched him while sat on the worktop, only jumping down when he came to bring her the food. "Can I show you something while we eat?" she asked and Danny nodded. She grabbed her drink from the side and went upstairs to her bedroom, opening the door to let him in. She put her plate down on the bedside table and told him he could sit on the bed while she grabbed something from her bookshelf and joined him.
"This was the last book my Mum gave me," she told him, grabbing her plate onto the bed and starting on her lunch. "It's her copy of one of my favourite books, it's special, but that's not the reason I wanted to show you." Clara put her sandwich down and turned the pages till she found the letter folded in the middle. "I didn't find this straight away, but I guess that was her plan. She didn't know at the time that she wouldn't be around when I read it, but it makes it special." Pulling out the paper she opened it, holding it for a moment before handing it over to him. "I read it last night again, and it made me realise something… well, you read it," she smiled and waited for him to do so.
"Are you sure you want me to read this?" he asked, not wanting her to feel like she had to show him. Clara nodded, going back to her sandwich.
My dear Clara,
I've placed this at my favourite point in the book and I know it is yours too. We've always shared that passion for reading - long may it continue.
I gave you this book because it's special to me and you are even more so. You're my precious little girl, you always will be however much you grow up and mature I still enjoy our evening cuddles and conversations about different books you've read. But that's not the point of this letter.
The point is, at this point in the book the young girl has just realised she's fallen in love and it occurred to me we've never talked about this. You know your Dad and I met young, you know our story all too well, but I want you to know whatever happens for you I will support you. You're starting secondary school and that's when things start to change and you meet boys. Sometimes these relationships don't work out - people expect them not to work out. That's okay, you're only young, but I wanted to tell you the one thing nobody else will: whatever happens, whoever you meet, if you know it's right then I will believe you. You'll feel it in your heart, like the girl in this book, you'll just know.
This letter may not be the most eloquent I've ever written, but it's the most important thing you'll ever read and something I always wish I'd known. Love is precious, love is kind, and whoever you fall in love with will look after you and you to them. This is the most important message, it is one that I love, it is one that you deserve to know.
My dear Clara, I love you more than words could ever say, and I can't wait to see you meet the right person whenever that may be. Find me when you've read this, because I want to give you the biggest hug and apologise for not saying this in person. But keep this letter in the book, go to it whenever you need to. I promise you, i love you.
Mum xx
Danny looked up at her and Clara took the letter back, putting it safely back in the book before he grabbed her and held her tight, Clara hugged him back, pushing their plates out of the way to move closer, practically sitting in his lap. Danny kissed her hair softly, eventually whispering in her ear, "she's right, everything she said is right. She's a wise woman your mother," he kissed her head again and after that Clara turned hers to look up at him, catching his lips before he pulled back. She turned slightly to make the angle slightly more comfortable, the kiss lasting longer than a simple peck, this was a symbol of the love her Mum had been talking about. Danny gently tucked her hair back behind her ear as they separated for air. "You're just as wise as her you know? There's something special about you," their foreheads continued to touch, "you deserve much more than I can give you, but I'll do my very best."
Clara brought her hand up to where his was in her hair and took it, "you're more than I deserve Danny Pink," she smiled and kissed the back of his hand gently, "but you're everything I need." After that she put her arms back around him and pulled them both so they were lying on the bed and she was resting against his chest. "How are we going to manage this when we get back to school?" she asked. "I want to keep this quiet, I don't want anyone interfering."
"I don't know… I should break up with Jackie-"
"No!" Clara interrupted and sat up slightly, leaning on her elbow, "if you do that she'll be looking for a reason why Danny."
"I can't be around her when they're all saying such horrible things about you!" he argued back, putting a hand up to her cheek, "it's not fair."
"I know you won't mean anything, I know you don't agree with them and that's enough for me. Your friends are still in that group and most of them don't say anything either so I have no reason to tear you apart. You need to live your life at school, please, for me…" she lay back down against him again.
"Okay, I get that, but I need to see you," he kissed her head.
"What about my room? The hidden one?" she asked. "We could get the key copied so you can get in as well and we can arrange times to meet?"
Danny nodded, that made sense. "That works, and we can text still. I'll change your name in my phone to avoid suspicion."
"You're already in my phone as Fiona," she chuckled. "It autocorrected for some reason and I couldn't be bothered to change it."
"I'm flattered," he responded. "We should get back to work…" Clara sighed but agreed and sat up, pulling him with her back downstairs, grabbing the plates as they went down. They quickly washed up and went back into the lounge, sitting down with their work and went back to what they were doing. Time passed quickly again, maybe too quickly this time.
The sound of the door unlocking took them both a little by surprise and Clara jumped up, "damn! He's home a little early but I didn't even realise the time!" Danny was already putting his things together. "I'll get Dad into the kitchen, you run out the front door I'll make sure it stays unlocked. No time for goodbyes, I'll call you," she ran out into the hall and pulled the door shut, taking a deep breath before going to greet her Dad. "You're back early," she smiled and hugged him.
"You okay?" he asked, a little shocked by her energetic greeting.
"Mhm! Been working on my science project all day, surprisingly interesting actually. i was about to make tea, you want one?" she slowly walked towards the kitchen, making sure he followed.
"Sounds wonderful, I haven't had one since lunch," he replied and followed her through. She shut the door behind him and flicked the kettle on.
"Good day then?" she asked, trying to listen for the door but she couldn't hear and just had to hope he got out.
"Yeah, it was actually. Everyone kept telling me I looked happier," he told her, "thank you for that."
Clara shrugged, "I think we both are," she told him.
"Yeah, speaking of which - you look lovely today, it's been awhile since I've seen you all dressed up," he smiled, pointing to the curls in her hair.
"I wanted to, it's good to feel like this," she told him, pouring the water for the tea. "Hopefully it'll make everything better for me too…"
"I hope so love, you deserve it," he smiled and took the mug from her. "Shall we sit?"
"It's a huge mess of paper in there at the moment, why don't you go change and I'll tidy up before we sit down," Clara suggested and he nodded, leaving his tea on the side before heading upstairs. When Clara opened the lounge door she was relieved to see it empty and started to gather up her folder, taking it upstairs. She walked into her bedroom and put the folder on her bed, turning around and almost squealing in shock when she found Danny behind her. He covered her mouth quickly to stop the noise, chuckling at her reaction.
"Shhh," he whispered, winking. "Couldn't leave without a proper goodbye," he told her.
"You can see me tomorrow you know?" she replied, wrapping her arms around his waist nonetheless.
"Mmm I know, but that's not the point," he grinned and kissed her gently. "Have a good evening."
"I'll try," she replied quietly, "now get out before Dad leaves his room!" Danny grinned and picked his rucksack back up, stealing one more kiss before he left and made it out of the house with little noise.
Clara stood at the door where she'd watched him go, her hand drifting up to pull the necklace out from underneath her dress and holding it. "You'd love him Mum, he's everything you wanted for me," she spoke quietly, still staring down the stairs at the front door.
"You look like you're waiting for something to happen," Dave's voice broke her from her daydream and Clara let go of the necklace and stood up from where she'd ended up leaning against the doorframe. "Everything okay?"
"Absolutely fine," she smiled, "the lounge is tidy now. Should I make a start on dinner?"
"I was thinking we should get a takeaway tonight, you've been working hard all day," he smiled and put an arm around her as they walked downstairs. Clara agreed and they made their way to spend the evening together.
#-#-#-#
The rest of the week became a pattern. Danny came over about 9, they spent the day working together and paid a little more attention to time so he left before Dave arrived home. Friday arrived quicker than either of them hoped for, knowing they had to go back to school on Sunday wasn't a joyous prospect.
Clara lay against Danny. They'd finished everything they needed to do so they lay on Clara's bed with the TV on just enjoying the company. "I'm going to miss this," she spoke up, breaking the silence previously only melted by the noise of the film.
"Me too," he replied, "but we will still see each other, it just won't be quite as easy."
Clara nodded, "I'm scared to go back. I've gone so long with no problems…" she sighed and played with his fingers.
"You're doing so well, but nobody expects you to be perfect," he told her. Clara looked out of the window at the sun shining outside. "You want to go out?"
"No, no here's good," she replied and looked back down at their hands.
"You mean here's safe?" he asked and Clara looked up at him now. "You haven't left the house all week since you were in hospital…"
"So? Dad's at work he doesn't want me leaving the house!" she quickly argued back defensively and sat up.
"He probably doesn't want you sneaking boys in either. Clara I can tell you're scared of leaving," he told her.
"You barely know me!" she argued back and Danny sighed, shaking his head.
"Let's just go for a walk, the fresh air will help," he stood up off the bed but Clara stayed sat there. "Don't be so stubborn, come on, I know you're scared of having an attack-"
"I… I think it's too late for that…" she looked down at her hands that were shaking. Danny immediately joined her back on the bed and helped her lie down.
"You're gonna be fine, I'm right here," he told her and moved back slightly for his own safety but kept hold of her hand till the last second.
"I'm sorry…" she managed to get out before she lost consciousness. Danny looked straight to his watch to take note of the time and did all he could do while he waited. This was so hard to watch, he wanted to hold her and tell her it would all be okay but he had to sit back and watch while she shook. It wasn't fair, she deserved so much more than this.
3 minutes 27 seconds. That's how long it lasted, but it felt like hours before she stopped. Once she'd settled her immediately moved to hold her close, kissing her head gently. She came round a few moments later, her eyes flicking open and jumping back from Danny before she realised who he was. She went to the corner of the room and crouched down, her breathing rate rising.
"Clara," he managed to scramble across the bed to get nearer to her, but not too close. "Look, it's just me," he got her to look up. "You're safe."
Clara relaxed the moment her eyes met his, reaching out for him to help her back up and hugging him tight. "I'm sorry, I got worked up and I shouldn't have," she whispered, her energy level very drained.
"Don't be sorry, it's okay," he kissed her head. "You need sleep," he stroked her hair back gently and lay back down with her. "You're always going to be safe, I'll make sure of it."
#-#-#-#
When Clara woke up she realised the bed was otherwise empty. She turned over and saw the time - 19:10. Sitting up it suddenly occurred to her that her Dad must have arrived home in the time she'd been asleep and sure enough, merely minutes after she'd woken up, he knocked on the door.
"Mmm?" she made some sort of noise but still didn't feel overly conscious.
The door opened and Dave stuck his head round with a tray in his hand. "You were fast asleep when I came home, is everything okay?"
"I felt a bit weird so I lay down… I guess I needed some sleep. Sorry I wasn't awake when you came home," she replied.
"As long as you're okay that's my main problem solved," he smiled, "I heated up the leftovers you bought back from your Gran's for you?" he put the tray down on the bed beside her. "I was thinking, if you're feeling better in the morning, did you want to take a little trip out?"
Clara grabbed the tray and started eating, "yeah that'd be nice," she told him.
"You decide, you're the best judge of what you can handle right now," he told her. "I'll leave you be if you want?"
"No, stay," Clara reached out and took his hand. "We've only got another 36 hours, I want to make the most of them," she smiled as Dave gave in and sat beside her on the bed. Clara moved so she was close to him, finishing off her dinner. "I'm glad you're smiling now, I'm glad we can be happy sometimes."
"Sometimes is the best we can ask for, but we'll get there," Dave smiled and kissed her head. "You'll always be little girl," he told her.
"That's what Mum said…" Clara's eyes glanced to her shelf where the book containing her letter sat. "You'll always be my Dad. Whatever I do in the future, you'll always be my Dad. I'm glad I've got you back."
The next morning Clara woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking downstairs. She sat up and picked up her phone.
Sorry we couldn't say goodbye, you looked too peaceful to wake. I'll see you back at school, text me when you arrive. xox
Clara smiled at the text and quickly typed out a reply to thank him before getting up and dressed. She went downstairs and into the kitchen, "when did you last cook breakfast?" he asked.
"Very good question, I had to go to the shop to get the bacon," Clara looked almost shocked, "I know - managed to find food without you, I'm surprised at myself." Dave went back to the pan. "You decided where we're going?" Clara sat up at the breakfast bar and tried to summon up the courage to ask him what she wanted. "Clara?" he looked around.
"I want to go to Mum's grave," she finally spoke, "we've never been, not since the funeral, not together. Dave turned the heat off to the pan and served up the breakfast, not responding. "Dad please, talk to me," Clara took the plate from him and he sat down with her.
"I don't know Clara…" he started and she sighed, shaking her head.
"Forget it, I knew you never would, I'll go on my own," Clara jumped off her chair, leaving the plate on the side and grabbing her coat on the way out of the front door, ignoring her Dad's shouts behind her. As soon as she stepped out she could feel herself take a sharp breath in, but she was going whether he liked it or not. She hated how her Mum had to be buried so far away, but she had to go. She researched the bus route and went to the stop, managing to get on the bus. It was once it started moving she began to regret the decision. There were so many people on there, too many, she didn't know any of them. Clara managed to fumble to pull out her headphones and stick them in, putting music on and shutting her eyes for a while, just paying attention to what she could hear through the earphones.
The journey was hell, she wasn't really sure quite how she made it through but somehow she got off at the right stop, practically running off the bus. She kept running until she got to the graveyard when everything suddenly hit her and she had to stop, falling down and crying on the floor. Eventually she managed to get to her Mum's grave, sitting in front of it and curling her knees up. "What am I meant to do Mum? This week was going so well but now it's all screwed up again. You'd know, you'd know what to do!" she screamed. "Why won't Dad talk to me about you?! Everything was going so well until I mentioned you and now… I don't know what to do."
It was getting colder as she sat there, but she couldn't move. Her phone had rung multiple times, but she wouldn't answer. If her Dad wanted her, he would have to come here. Danny was spending time with his family today and she wasn't going to disturb that. She just sat there, talking to her Mum and letting time pass by on its own.
She only noticed how long it had been when it started getting dark. Clara picked up her phone, looking down the list of texts and missed calls. Her Dad the main one, obviously, but her Gran was there too as well as Greg and Hayley - has her Dad really been there? He clearly hadn't actually told them where she was… or maybe he didn't expect her to get here? Either way she was still here, alone.
Let us know you're okay Clara, everyone is worried.
Sweetheart I'm sorry, please come home.
Hey Oswald don't be doing this to us little miss, drop us a text yeah?
My family have dragged me to this really dull museum, I hope your day is going better than this!
Danny's text interrupted her mood. She couldn't bring herself to reply, but it was something different.
"Danny is perfect Mum, I love him like you said. I know how you felt with Dad now, everything you used to talk about. It feels right, but I can't tell anyone, not even Dad. I like that it's a secret, it feels special, but I wish I could talk to you," she sighed. "I think Danny knows me better than anyone at the moment, which is stupid because I've only known him a few weeks, but he does. He can calm me down better than anyone, read me like a book, he understands-"
"He's here," Clara jumped at Danny's voice and turned to see him behind her. "Relax, it's okay, just me - nobody else," he moved slightly so she could see there was no one else around.
"How-?" she started. Danny crouched down beside her and took his jacket off, wrapping it around her.
"Mum tripped down the steps at the museum, had to take her to A&E. While I was there I heard your name. I listened into the conversation between a couple of the staff and they said your Dad had phoned to see if you were there, that you'd walked out this morning," he told her, holding her, "Clara you're freezing. How long have you been here?"
"Not long enough, how did you work out I was here?" she asked him, passing over his question as quickly as possible.
"A hunch, but I didn't know which graveyard so that took a while… this is number 3," he told her, "I told my parents I had a friend in trouble - not technically a lie. Went home and grabbed my bike, but I've got money for a taxi to get you home - your Dad must be going crazy."
"My Dad knows exactly where I am," she replied, "he just won't come here."
"He's left you out here all this time?!" Danny shouted and Clara flinched, "sorry, I'm sorry, why would he do that?"
"He hasn't been since the funeral, he won't. I hadn't been in ages, the bus ride was always too much. I'm not that sure how I did it today, but I just needed to be here. I'd asked him to take me, but he refused. I've been here all day and he still doesn't come. He can't get off his high horse just to be there for me - everything he's been saying all week is rubbish, he's telling me how much he's going to be a Dad for me and look after me and I ask for one little thing and he abandons me…" Clara hugged into him. "I know it's hard for him, of course it's bloody hard, but he can't even try?"
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you should've called me Clara," he kissed her head softly.
"I wanted to give him the chance," Clara cried, "I'd hoped he'd do more than just sit at home and phone me."
Danny moved so she was looking straight at him, "one step at a time. Let's get you home now, you'll be back at school before you know it."
Clara couldn't argue anymore, she was tired. It was only now she realised that she'd basically been in a permanent state of panic all day. Danny called the taxi and put her in, telling the driver where to go and giving her the money. "See you tomorrow," he kissed her quickly before shutting the door and watching the cab drive off.
As it disappeared round the corner Danny picked up his bike and got on to cycle home. None of this was fair on her. He could see both sides, but she shouldn't be the strongest of the two of them. Danny was determined she wouldn't be alone, not anymore.
Not ever again.