Clara didn't talk to her Dad when she got home, instead going straight up to her bedroom. She had a shower to warm up and then went to sleep. The next morning she packed and spoke minimally to Dave and was more thankful than she realised to get back to school. She didn't say goodbye, just grabbed her bags from the car and walked off, still unable to think about talking to him.
When she got to her room Jess and Faye were already there and practically jumped on her when she got back. Clara smiled a little and hugged them both.
"Oi what's up?" Faye asked, studying her face when she realised how sad she looked. "I thought your week had been good?"
Clara shrugged and walked over to her bed, lying down. "I'm really tired, you go to dinner I'm just gonna get some rest. Had a big lunch so I'll be fine." Jess and Faye both looked at each other, unsure whether they should be leaving her. "Honestly, stayed up too late last night. I'll see you later."
They gave in and left. Once they had, Clara pulled out her phone and stood up, leaving the room when they would be far gone and heading to her secret room. She walked in and smiled as Danny was already inside, immediately running over and hugging him tight.
"You look pale, are you okay? The other day hasn't made you ill has it?" he stroked her hair back, looking at her closely. "Talk to me," he kissed her head softly and Clara leant forward to lean her head against his.
"Dad and I have barely spoken since. He hasn't apologised, he didn't even think that I hadn't eaten all day. It's like everything he said was rubbish, I really thought things were getting better, but it was too good to be true…" Danny ran a hand through her hair.
"Oh Clara… you don't deserve this," he reached down to her hand and took it, before suddenly realising something. "When did you last eat? That's why you look so pale isn't it?"
Clara shook her head, "I'm fine," she sat back on the bed. "I just need to be away from everyone right now, you should go and eat."
"Clara-" he started but she turned away, hiding her head in her knees so she couldn't see his face. He sighed and stood up, "okay, but we'll talk more later."
Clara didn't look up until he left. She moved to lie on the bed, staring at the wall and trying to process what was going on. She'd fallen out with her Dad, pushed her friends away and told Danny she wanted to be alone. That was rubbish, she didn't want to be alone, she wanted to be with her Dad, or her friends, or Danny… but she couldn't.
Something was stopping her from helping herself, it's like she'd been thrown back to day 1. She was scared of being out there, scared of the canteen, scared of food, scared of people, her mind was racing with situations to avoid. Her head was screaming, she curled up tighter in some effort to make it go away. It was all too much.
#-#-#-#
Danny tried to fit back in with his friends, at least Clara was safe at school. Jackie sat down beside him, smiling. "Good week?"
"Lonely," he replied, "yours?"
"Ah you know, the usual. I can't believe how much work we got given, that was ridiculous," she moaned.
Danny shrugged, "it was alright, didn't have much else to do."
"Are you kidding?! That stuff is dull I have much better things to be doing with my time. See this is why I think you should come and stay at mine in the holidays," Jackie told him. Danny had been avoiding this for a long time now.
"You know I have to help out in the cafe and attend ridiculous family meals. We will see plenty of each other now anyway." He managed a smile which seemed to satisfy Jackie.
"Very true, so you want to go and take over the TV in the common room?" she asked and Danny nodded, standing up with her. "Coming girls?" she called back to her friends and they followed along with a couple of Danny's mates.
They walked by Clara's little room on the way and Danny tried not to look too hard, not wanting to attract attention to it. He just hoped someone would get through to her.
After about an hour of watching some reality show he cared very little for he was already fed up. "I'm gonna go back to the room lads, you coming?" he asked his friends who seemed somewhat relieved at the option.
Jackie looked over at him, "fed up of me already?" she asked.
"You know I'm not, but I'm knackered to be honest. I'll see you in the morning, meet up before breakfast as usual?" Jackie nodded they said goodnight.
When they'd left the common room one of his mates spoke up, "what's up with you today?" James asked.
"Eh nothing much, that programme was just doing my head in," he chuckled.
"Sure it was just the programme?" he asked. "You've been off with everyone since you got back Danny, what's going on?"
Danny knew he needed a way out of this. "One of my cousins is ill, we're all worried," he didn't know where it came from.
"That explains the constant looking at your phone then, but why not tell anyone?" Luke joined in the conversation, opening the door to their room.
Danny followed them in and sat on his bed, "you know full well what Jackie's like with that sorta thing - not exactly great. Easier to deal with it on the quiet," he shrugged. "Look I need to call home and see if there's an update, I'll go elsewhere. See you in a bit," he told them, getting up and leaving the room.
He made his way to the room and opened the door, but Clara wasn't there. He shut the door anyway, pulling out his phone and texting her, praying she'd gone somewhere sensible.
#-#-#-#
Clara got back to her bedroom before Faye and Jess got back from dinner so they had no idea where she'd been. She lay back down on the bed and picked up her book, getting back into it before the door opened and Faye and Jess walked back in.
"We sneaked some food out for when you're hungry, how you doing?" Faye asked, pulling the crisps and apple out of her pocket while Jess pulled out a sandwich wrapped in napkins and put that on the side with the rest.
"Fine," she put her book down, sitting up. "You both okay? Good weeks?" she asked in an attempt to take the questions off her.
"Yeah great thanks, well you know most of it we've all been texting all week," Faye chuckled. "You had some good times with your Dad in the end then?"
"I-" she started before sighing, "we fell out again yesterday to be honest, I've barely spoken to him since."
"Well that explains a lot about your face," Jess spoke, they could get away with things like that now - Clara knew how they meant it. "What happened? And don't tell me it doesn't matter because it really does matter when you're this upset."
"I asked him to take me to Mum's grave, he wouldn't, I got mad and here we are," Clara explained, deciding to miss out the whole solo day trip there. "It felt like all the work we'd put in over the week was wasted. It's sent me miles back, I'm too scared to even go to the canteen," she sighed.
Jess and Faye both looked a little shocked. "Oh babe I'm sorry," Faye hugged her briefly, "you know we're here for you whatever right? You're here for a few weeks now, you've got us and Paula, you'll be fine." Clara nodded. Her eyes were drawn to her phone that had lit up a couple of times while they were talking. "Your Dad?" Faye asked as she followed her gaze.
"No, my cousin. He's pretty supportive but he lives in Scotland so there's not much he can do," she picked up her phone. "I'm just gonna call him, I'll go outside," she smiled and left the room. With their room being at the end of a corridor it was rare anyone walked by so she stood just outside and called Danny.
"Are you alright? Where are you?" he asked immediately.
"Relax, I'm in… well, just outside my room talking to my cousin," Clara replied.
"Your cousin? I didn't think you-"
"You, you dimwit, talking to you. I'm okay, I told Faye and Jess some of what happened. Where are you?" she asked, suddenly realising phoning him may not have been the best idea.
"In my room, currently alone because the others went to the loos so I can't talk too long. Have you eaten yet?" he asked.
"Danny-" she started but he interrupted her.
"No Clara, don't start fighting me," he replied, "don't let your Dad win!" Clara sighed but suddenly came over very lightheaded.
"I gotta go," she replied.
"What is it?" he asked, sensing a problem.
"Nothing, just gotta go. See you in the morning," Clara hung up before he could ask anymore questions and made the decision to go to Paula's office. She slightly haphazardly walked down the corridor, thankfully it was only at the end. She knocked on the door, struggling to stand up now. Nobody came to the door. She looked through the window - empty. What was she supposed to do now?
"Clara?" she heard Paula's voice and turned around but never saw her as she collapsed.
She woke up surrounded by staff and 2 paramedics, one of whom was Chris. "Oh hey you're back with us," he noticed Clara's eyes flick open. Before she had a chance to start panicking he was on it. "You're safe, we're just looking after you," he told her, "can we have as few people as possible around here?" he asked Paula who nodded and cleared away as many people as she could.
"What happened…?" she asked Chris, looking up at Paula who knelt back down by her and took her hand.
"Your blood glucose level is down, as is your blood pressure. Your roommates said you haven't had dinner - when did you last eat?" he asked, "don't be lying to me - I've known you for long enough."
Clara sighed, "Friday night," she spoke quietly so only Chris and Paula could hear.
"That's 2 days Clara!" Paula replied.
"Yeah I can count," Clara replied, looking away from them both. "Sorry," she quickly added. "Please don't take me in, not again," she asked Chris.
"You need to eat. If you promise me you'll eat, we won't take you in," he replied and Clara sighed, nodding. "Your teacher is under instruction not to leave you alone until you eat. I'm trusting you to help yourself here."
"I will Chris, I promise," she sat herself up against the wall and Paula produced a biscuit. "Here, give you enough to get down to the canteen, I've already sent word down for them to sort you a meal. Faye and Jess are gonna meet us down there."
Clara couldn't be bothered to argue anymore, standing up with the help of Chris and Paula. She was led away from the paramedics and towards the canteen, sitting down at the table where Jess and Faye were sat. Jess put an arm around her immediately.
"Oswald you know how to scare us don't you?" she pointed out, "what really happened yesterday?"
"Yesterday?" Paula asked, sitting down beside Faye. "Clara?"
Clara shrugged and gestured to Jess to tell the story so far, "She had a falling out with her Dad yesterday, she asked him to take her to her Mum's grave and he refused, but that's all we know."
"I went myself, I stayed there all day," she spoke quietly, "I needed to speak to my Mum, I needed to be there. I hoped he'd come, he's been so protective before that, we were getting back to normal…"
Paula listened to her, "when did he pick you up?"
"He didn't. I had to go back when it got dark," she looked down at the table, "when I got home he barely said anything, like he didn't even care."
Jess shook her head, "that's not right Clara," she told her.
"Jess is right, Clara your Dad isn't doing enough for you and I'm going to have to consider talking to someone about this," Paula told her, but that didn't go down well.
"NO!" Clara stood up quickly, but Jess grabbed her arm carefully to get her to sit back down. "You can't, I can't lose my Dad as well," she did sit back down but put her head in her hands.
"Alright love, one step at a time. We need to get you better before we discuss any of this," Paula tried to calm her down. The kitchen staff appeared now with a plate of food and Jess gently nudged Clara to sit back. "Thank you, really appreciate this," Paula smiled at the staff.
"Happy to help," they replied and left them to it.
Clara looked up at the food and almost smiled, she guessed Jess and Faye were behind the food choice as they knew her favourites. "Thank you," she looked at them both and they smiled back.
"I'm going to leave you three to it for a little bit," Paula stood up, but she noticed as Clara started to panic. "it's alright, I'm just going to sort some paperwork so you girls can talk properly without worrying about me. I'll see you in a little while and you know where I am."
Clara nodded, picking up her fork and starting to eat the meal slowly. Once Paula had gone Jess and Faye got down to the important stuff, "can we steal a chip?" Faye asked and Clara smiled, gesturing to the plate. "Thanks, don't worry we won't take many."
"I won't eat all this," she shrugged. "I'm sorry for all this, it's a mess isn't it?"
"No, it's understandable, but we're not gonna let you out of our sights now I hope you realise that," Jess grinned and took a bite of the chip.
"I'll be okay, but thank you," she smiled. They chatted a little while she ate, getting through as much as she could. Jess and Faye assisted with a few more chips before they all sat back. "I need some sleep, I'm gonna go check in with Paula and then head back to the room, meet you there?"
"We can come with you you know," Faye pointed out and Clara smiled at their concerns.
"I know, but I need to talk to her in private. Thank you though, I won't be long," she hugged them both, "I love you both, you're the best friends I could ask for. I'm so glad I ended up here," she smiled and they all headed off.
Once they'd split off Clara waited a moment and went towards her little room, checking before she went in. Danny had already text her asking her to go so she wasn't surprised to find him in there and he was quick to hug her tight. "Clara don't you bloody dare do that to me again," he whispered. "I had to walk by there and pretend I didn't care…" he sighed softly.
Clara looked up at him, shocked at this, "I'm so sorry… you shouldn't have seen that, I'm sorry," she put a hand up to his cheek and rubbed it with her thumb, leaning in and kissing him gently. They both took comfort from the gesture, making it last as long as they could.
"Don't be sorry," Danny got out when they had to break for air, "but please don't get yourself into that place again, please always talk to me, or someone I don't care who but stay safe." Clara nodded, her arms resting around his shoulders. "I love you, I worry about you, but I can't always be there for you are the moment and I need you to promise me," he brushed some of her hair back carefully and she could see the pain in his eyes.
"I promise, not again," she kept eye contact and kissed him once more. "I can't stay, I promised Faye and Jess I wouldn't be long," she told him.
"Mmm me neither, you go out first though. I'll see you tomorrow okay?" Clara let go of him and smiled in agreement before leaving the room.
#-#-#-#
All three girls complained a little as the alarm went off the next morning, sitting up slowly.
"Sometimes I forget that coming back to school means going back to lessons," Faye groaned and Clara chuckled a little at her reaction.
"I don't mind the lessons, just wish they started a little bit later," Clara spoke sleepily and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "I'm gonna go shower, I need it," she ran a hand through her hair to tame it slightly. Clara stood up and grabbed her uniform, towels and shampoo. "Won't be long," she smiled and disappeared off to the bathrooms.
Once she'd showered and changed, Clara returned to the bedroom to find Jess and Faye both ready to go. "You took your time! Breakfast?" she asked and Clara sorted her PJs out before agreeing. They made their way down and grabbed food, sitting at the table among others. "How you feeling today?"
Clara started eating. She hadn't taken too much, still needing to build her appetite back up,"better, I'll be glad to have the routine of lessons back to be honest."
"Makes sense," Jess replied and Clara nodded, rolling her eyes as she spotted something behind Jess. Jess looked round and Faye followed their gaze. "Ergh, the bitter squad," Jess watched them walk in. "Why do they think they rule the place? It's madness, they've got no right," she spoke, maybe a little bit louder than necessary as Jackie clearly caught what she said, turning to look at them. Clara instantly looked down when she spotted Danny holding her hand.
"What did you say?" Jackie asked, stopping at their table.
"I think you heard," Jess replied and Clara shook her head a little.
"Jess leave it," she whispered.
"Ah look, someone's still scared. Not running away yet?" Jackie smirked at Clara, "heard you collapsed again last night, weirdo."
"You really need to come up with some better insults, or better still - grow up and leave us alone," Faye stood up to her, both literally and metaphorically. Jackie shrugged, but Danny spoke up now.
"They're not work it Jac, let's just go get food I'm starving," he pulled on her arm a little.
"Always about food with you isn't it?" she chuckled, "alright - breakfast. We'll see you later," Jackie spoke directly to Clara who still refused to look up, walking off followed by her cronies.
"Clara you okay?" Faye asked, sitting back down and putting a hand on her shoulder. Clara sat up, nodding. "Shall we go back to the room?"
"Please, I need to get ready anyway," she put her cutlery down, standing up.
Paula met her outside the maths room, "you eat breakfast?" she asked.
"Good morning to you too," Clara replied.
"Someone's definitely feeling better then," Paula chuckled. Clara went to apologise, "no no trust me I know you're doing better when you're being sarcastic."
"Fair enough, and yes I had breakfast. Did you have a good half term?" she asked, feeling relatively calm as they entered the classroom.
"Yeah not bad at all actually, it was nice, missed the madness of this place of course," Clara smiled and sat down with her, pulling out her folder. "You get all the work done?" she asked and Clara raised an eyebrow, "right - stupid question, sorry!" Paula grinned. Clara looked down as Jackie, Danny and their friends strolled into the classroom. "Has something happened again with them?"
Clara shook her head, "it's nothing, just Jackie being stupid at breakfast but nothing I can't deal with," she opened her work up and took out what needed to be handed in. "Once I get used to a situation it doesn't bother me so much. Before my Mum died I'd have shot them down, but it's not that easy now… I'm getting through it though, the support helps, Jess and Faye always stick up for me. I'm lucky to have them," she explained, smiling.
"It just shows that if people take time to get to know you they'd see passed your illness," Paula told her and Clara nodded.
"I'm happy with what I've got. The world is too judgemental to spend time trying to fix it," Clara finished talking and then stood up to take her work up to hand in as everyone had started doing. Paula smiled, she was already making big steps, she just needed to make sure there were no more big setbacks.
The morning of lessons went without fault. Just before lunch Clara felt her phone vibrate lightly in her pocket. Paula had gone out to photocopy something for the English teacher so she pulled it out, looking at the message.
Can I see you at lunch? After you've eaten? x
Clara smiled at the message, quickly typing a reply to him before putting her phone away and getting back to work. It was harder than she ever thought to spend every lesson with Danny and not being able to even speak to him - how had she fallen so deep so fast?
Paula sat back down next to her, bringing her back down to Earth. "You stuck on something? That's a first."
"Just thinking things over…" she replied, getting back down to her work.
Clara made it to the room after making her excuses to Jess and Faye. She was first this time and sat down on the bed, pulling her phone out and hovering over her Dad's name as she considered texting him. He'd messaged her twice that morning but she couldn't bring herself to reply.
"Hey, sorry it took me a while," Clara jumped slightly, having not actually heard Danny walk in. "You alright?"
"Yes, sorry," she stood up and hugged him, "distracted. Are you okay?"
"All the better for seeing you," he smiled and kissed her gently. "How are you feeling today?"
Clara led him to sit back down, leaning back against the wall, "better, although a little fed up with everyone watching me eat like I'm gonna hide it in my pockets."
"They're just worried," Danny replied, stroking her hair back gently, "they're not the only ones." Clara smiled, leaning into his touch and eventually resting down on her shoulder. "I've felt so much calmer today, you're a miracle worker," she chuckled slightly. "It's nice, knowing I have you."
"What about the fact you're never getting rid of me?" Danny asked and tilted her head up to look at him, grinning.
"I think you should be more concerned about that," she chuckled and kissed him again. "How was your morning anyway?"
"Frustrating, I've had countless snarky comments from Jackie because I did all the holiday work. She wants to know what's wrong with me," he replied.
"Well that would be me," Clara grinned, "I noticed you were sticking with your mates more than her at break."
"Gosh yes, much easier, they're actually fun to be around still," he told her. "In fact they wanted to know how I managed to find the motivation to do all of that over half term."
"Oh yeah? What did you tell them?" Clara asked, smirking.
"I told them I had nothing better to do," he winked and she laughed. "We work well together though, I've never enjoyed homework so much."
"Me neither, and that's actually saying something!" Danny moved to lay down on the bed and Clara lay beside him.
"Monday, Wednesday and Friday lunch Jackie and her cronies all go to the gym. I stopped going with them a while ago. Fancy making this regular?"
"And why would I want to do that?" Clara asked him, chuckling at his reaction. Danny rolled his eyes and tickled her.
"Cheeky begger!" Danny grinned and eventually stopped, keeping his arms wrapped around her.
"I might let you," she smiled and relaxed back, revelling in that rare feeling of happiness.