Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters, give credit to those who deserve it.
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I just want to take a moment and thank-you for the lovely reviews on the last chapter. When I checked I had received 13 reviews for chapter 6 and I am so thankful for each of them.
I spent the day writing this chapter. I'm not sure it is perfect, but I am content with it. I hope you all enjoy it. Thank-you for your support, I do hope you all continue on this journey with me.
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Chapter Seven
"This was not what I expected." He mumbled to himself, looking around the ranch, for somebody, anyone that could comfort her. Crying girls unnerved him, probably because he had seen his mother lying in bed crying to many times before.
"Who am I?"
He frowned, why was she asking herself that. She had to know who she was, she looked at least 15.
Sighing to himself, he shifted to crouch down on the ground beside her. He wasn't quiet sure she even knew he was there, she certainly hadn't made any indication she was aware of him. "I'm just...I'm going to sit here with you until your ready." Ready for what he didn't know but it seemed like the right thing to say.
Amy heard his voice, felt him shift on the gravel beside her but she made no move to acknowledge him. She didn't think she could trust herself to speak without choking on her own tears.
Instead her fingers clawed at her arms, keeping her head pressed into her knees as she continued her rocking motion but it wasn't helping to sooth herself.
Her body was flooded with this overwhelming emotion of self doubt; as she questioned her entire existence.
Every little interaction she could remember with her family, every sentence they had spoken regarding love for her. It all flowed through her mind, making her question if they were ever truthful. Was their love real? It no longer felt real. Everything in the last 15 years had been a lie, a secret.
"Look at you, Amy, a natural. Just like your momma."
Those words struck Amy like a knife to the heart, bringing a new wave of sobs. She wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, especially her mother...was she even her mother...Marion. She wanted to give Marion the benefit of the doubt, desperately wishing for there to be another explanation. But everything, everything inside her told her it all made sense. Why Marion had never wanted to mention Lou. Why she packed up all of Lou's things and sent them away. Why her dad...no, he wasn't her dad...why Tim had left. It made sense that he would want to be with her, his daughter. He had never been hers, always Lou's.
"Momma, why did daddy leave? Momma why?"
"It doesn't..."
"Why isn't he here momma?"
"Because he chose Lou. He should have chose us Amy, but he chose that girl."
That girl...While Lou was rarely mentioned it seemed in times she was her mother never spoke nice things of her. Did Marion hate her because of the pregnancy? But then how could she be so angry at Lou but so loving to her. None of it made any sense.
Did she try to make up for the love Lou couldn't provide? She didn't understand it.
All she could feel was anger for them all. They had all lied to her.
"Amy, this right here proves your mine baby girl, that you have the talent."
Amy felt the rush of anger course through her veins, and she jumped to her feet. "Hers?! I'm not hers, I never was!" She completely ignored the stranger that had also jumped to his feet as she rushed into the barn, and straight into her mothers office.
She hadn't been in this room since the accident but with all her strength she ignored those feelings and stalked straight across to the corkboard. "I hate you!" Amy screamed, yanking the photos of her and her mother off the corkboard, ripping them in half and allowing the pieces to float to the floor. "How could you die without telling me?! Why did you keep this from me?! Why did you lie?!" Amy wailed, turning around and using all her strength to swipe the contents on the desk onto the floor, the papers flying up in the air. "What was I to you?! I wasn't your daughter."
"Why did you do it momma? Why did you hate me? Why did you blame me when it was all your fault?"
"I can't tarnish your memory of her..."
Amy remembered the words Lou had spoken on the porch but it just made the anger worse. "Was I a pawn in some game of power play?!" She grabbed the photo frame off the desk, and for the first time since the accident she looked at a photo of her mother. "Why are you dead?! Why did you leave without explaining this to me?!" She hurled the photo frame across the room, listening as it hit the wall and dropped to the floor shattering. The sound piercing through her body, that was exactly how she felt shattered. "I hate you!" She let out a loud scream, stepping on the belongings as she attempted to escape the room.
"Hang on, your going to..." He caught her just as she fell. "Whoa..." He knew what was coming next, he could feel it in her breathing, in the way she gripped onto his jacket and held with a fierce tightness.
Amy broke, the sobs releasing from her body in a strangled cry. Just holding onto this stranger, as if he was the only real thing she could place her hands on. The only real person that hadn't lied to her. "I hate them all." She cried, turning her head into his chest, soaking his jacket and shirt with her flood of tears. "Who am I?"
...
Lou sat in her car, staring at the barn. In the time she had been back at Heartland she had tried to avoid it. It was a place that symbolised her mother. A place that held to many memories. Some good, some a little bad but also the terrible.
It held the one memory she could never erase from her mind, the one when she realised everything she loved, she was going to lose. It was where she realised that she wasn't of any value to her mother, but she was a means to end.
"Mom I want this baby. I already love her...what happened doesn't define the baby. Don't make me get rid of..."
"Stupid girl!"
Lou jumped backwards, when her mother thumbed her hand on the desk. "Mom..."
"You think I would allow you to get rid of the child. Oh no, your quiet mistaken. You are having that baby, and I will raise it."
"What?! No. This is my baby, I'm carrying her." She'd known, at least she had thought she had heard her mom and dad arguing about it. Her dad told her not to worry, that it must have been a dream, that he'd never allow it to happen. "Mom..."
"You took it all Lou, the day you were born you stole it. This is a chance for you to just give a little back."
Lou stepped back, fear creeping inside her body when her mother stepped towards her. She knew her mothers love wasn't like others, she knew that other children had it better but this was different. She had seemed worse since the news of the pregnancy. "No. You can't have her. She's mine."
"You owe it to me. I brought you into this world!"
"I never asked you to! I didn't take away your ability to have children. It wasn't my fault. I was a baby."
"Who brought nothing but complications. It was your birth that destroyed it all. You'll give me that baby, Samantha, it's the right thing to do."
Lou took a deep breath, shaking her head as if to clear the thoughts from her mind. She knew if she continued to think about it then she would break down. She knew she couldn't change what her mother had done, she couldn't change the past but what she could do was try to build a better future. All she needed was to figure out how to break the news to Amy.
She did need to talk with her Grandfather first, to make him aware of what she wanted. After all she wanted to tell Amy mostly all of the truth, apart from the rape. She didn't want to burden the girl with the knowledge of how she came to be. She didn't want Amy to view herself as a product of rape, she was so much more then that.
And perhaps once the anger in the teenager had subsided a little, they could try to build a relationship. It was a nice thought to have.
Opening her car door, and stepping out, Lou was immediately stunned into silence by the screams, and the sound of a wailing cry coming from inside the barn.
And no matter how much she had tried to avoid the barn, she now knew couldn't...not when she knew exactly who those cries were coming from.
Then she saw that unfamiliar car, and her legs carried her across the gravel in a sprint.
It couldn't be. No. She hoped, she prayed, that Amy was safe.
Running high on adrenaline, she burst into the office ready to confront whatever was occurring.
Fear, no, terror, run through her body when she saw the trashed office and Amy on the ground crying in the arms of an unknown teenager.
"It's okay, Lou, you wanted it to sweetheart. I know you did. You're okay. Here let me kiss it better."
The words flashed through her mind, and she tried to push away the memories and the vomit that was rising in her throat as she listened to that voice in her head. Not him. She had to remind her, to force herself to remember. She had to focus on Amy. "Who are you...what happened?!" She immediately stepped further into the room, looking down at the pair. Unsure if she should be fearful or if Amy knew this person.
Her eyes darted around the office, looking at all the damage, but what drew her eye was the smash photo of Amy and her mother. "Amy..."
"Go away."
Lou steeled her, it didn't surprise her that Amy didn't want her here but she knew in her heart she couldn't walk away from this. Despite what everyone thought, she did love Amy and she had always wanted to be there for her. "I'm...what happened? Are you okay?" She gasped when Amy looked up at her, eyes red from crying, tears still trailing down her cheeks. "Oh, Amy..." She knew the girl was still grieving, was this her lashing out because her mother was no longer around.
"You!" Amy stood up, using the stranger on the floor as leverage. "You, you stupid...How could..."
Lou stepped back, confused slightly at the rage in Amy's eyes. This wasn't the anger that Amy had been portraying since she had returned, no this was rage fuelled by something more and when Lou looked into the eyes of the teenager she saw it. Something inside her was broken. "What is..."
"How could you?! You show up here after 12 years and you ruin everything! Everything!" Amy shouts were loud. "You need to leave. Get out." Amy was about to launch forward and shove Lou out the door but the guy grabbed her around the waist.
"You wouldn't happen to be her family would you? I'm Ty, can someone explain what the hell is going on?!" He asked, trying to restrain the girl, Amy apparently.
"It's her! She's ruined everything!" If it wasn't for this Ty, she would have launched herself and slapped Lou. "I don't know who I am! Geez, is my name even supposed to be Amy?! Could I have been a whole other person?!" The tears rolled down her cheeks, she wasn't certain how she was capable of shedding this many tears.
A new set of thoughts clouding her mind. Who would she be if she wasn't raised by Marion? Would she still have been here at Heartland? Would she know how to help horses? Have the same friends? Would be a shadow of who she was now?
Lou blinked, her mind in overload as she tried to process what was happening. The shouting ringing through her ears and she attempted to take all of it in. "I..."
"Shut up! Just shut up! All you do is lie. I know Lou, I know!"
Lou felt as if her world froze in that moment, those words piercing through heart sending it plummeting to her stomach. She didn't need to ask what Amy knew because she could see it, through the teenagers tears, the red face and that broken look as if her identity had been ripped away from her.
She wanted to say something, to attempt to make it better but nothing she said would fix this.
It wasn't how Amy was supposed to find out. It was supposed to come from her, when the time was right. Not that there would have ever been a right time to rip Amy's world apart. "I'm..." Her hands shook with nerves, and the tears pooled back in her eyes.
"Don't you dare apologize! You're not sorry for what you've done! You're sorry I found out!" Amy screeched, pointing at her. "You shed any responsibility you had for me, you..."
"Amy, no, it wasn't like that. I never..."
"And then..." Amy hiccupped, shouting over Lou. "And then you went and got yourself a replacement kid! I hate you! I hate you."
"Hey, hold on, what is going on in here?" Jack stepped into the room, seeing the tears rolling down both his granddaughters cheeks. The distress and anger in Amy's face, the helplessness in Lou's. "What has..."
"Don't!" Amy struggled against Ty, desperately just wanting to flee, to make a run for it. "You lied! Everything is a lie! Who the bloody hell am I?! I'm not Amy Fleming. I'm not your granddaughter and I'm not Lou's sister! Everything...everything...Leave me the hell alone." She wailed, finally channelling enough energy to shove Ty away, bolting straight out the door.
"Amy!" Jack called after her, but she was gone and Lou's cries filled the room. He was torn, like he was physically being ripped in half because he wanted to chase after the blonde but before him, the brunette was crumbling. "Go."
Ty shifted at the sudden word, frowning. "What?"
Normally Jack wouldn't have done this but he knew from the photo that this was Ty, and Marion had a good feeling. "Go. She needs space, but make sure no harm comes to her. I'll be along shortly."
Ty nodded slightly, unsure of what to do but he could see the man was in a tough position. Having to make a choice. So he bolted out the door after the blonde, knowing that she was in serious distress. He knew from all the experience with his mother, that he didn't have to know anything about the situation, all he had to do was be there, and he would be, just until the older man could come.
"What happened?!" Jack demanded to know, he had wanted to run after Amy, it was his instinct but he knew he wouldn't catch her. And if she was anything like Marion, then she would need a few moments. He would give her just a few to cool off.
And that meant for the first time in a long time, he stayed standing. He stayed and he looked at his granddaughter, seeing the distress in her eyes, the torture. "Lou..."
"She knows." Lou cried a hand over her mouth, the tears rolling down her cheeks. She simply stared at the door which Amy had left from, knowing that she was the last person that teenager would want to see. "She knows, Grampa. She's so angry and she has every right to be but I...you need, you need to go to her...she needs you." Her heart was tearing apart, Amy knew. That poor girl was having everything ripped away from her.
"You need me to, Lou." Jack stepped forward, and for the first time in over 12 years he grabbed his granddaughter and pulled her into a hug, feeling her immediately grip onto his jacket and begin to sob. "I'm sorry, Lou, I'm so sorry." He felt the tears roll down his cheeks, listening to the sound of her cries which broke his heart. "It's going to be okay. We'll fix this." He didn't know how but he knew whatever Marion had broke in both his girls, he would fix, even if it took him the rest of his life.
"She's my baby."
"No she's mine. My baby. Mom, please don't do this. I love her." Lou gripped tightly onto the newborn baby in her arms.
Marion glared, tutting at her daughter. "Your 14. I can do this better. Give her the life she deserves."
"Mommy please."
"Marion."
"No Tim. Samantha is our daughter, we need to do what is best and this is best. Amy will be our baby. Samantha can be her sister, it's a good idea."
"No mommy." Lou pleaded, she begged as the baby was taken from her arms by her mother. "Daddy!"
"Marion, this isn't right. Lou is her mother."
"Samantha is a child. You either stand by me Tim, or I'll take both these girls and you'll never see them."
Lou cried, her mother walking away with her baby. "Daddy, that's my baby."
Tim grabbed his daughter in a hug, feeling her shake with sobs against his body. "I know, kiddo, I know. I'll fix this. She's yours, she'll always be yours. I'll talk with your mother. I'll bring her back to you."
"She my baby!" Lou wailed.
Jack held Lou tightly, trying to keep her up right. "I know, sweetheart, I know."
"I just want my baby back." Lou cried, she cried for everything she had ever lost, for what she had been through and for Amy. She cried for all that her daughter was going through and what she would feel. "My Amy." She whispered softly though the tears.
...
Amy felt like she had been running for miles as she finally fell to her knees, her vision blurry from the tears as she pounded on the ground. Not daring to look at the headstone before her, knowing if she did, she would most likely destroy it. "Why mom, why?!" Amy cried, tearing the grass out of the ground. "What was all this for?! Who am I mom?" She just wanted an answer, for someone to look at her and tell her the truth. To tell her why this happened. Why they lied and kept secrets. "Why did you do this to me? Did you take me or did she abandon me? I need answers. I need them, mommy, just tell me..." Amy begged, her eyes closed and the tears falling. "I need you. I need you to answer me. Why did you have to die?! Tell me!" She didn't know he was there until he sat down beside her and pulled her into his arms. "Who am I?"
"Shh. It's going to be okay."
"No!" Amy howled. "Nothing is okay. My grandfather is my great-grandfather. My mother is my grandmother and my sister is my mother...and I never knew. Why did they lie?"
Ty was stunned into silence, he really had walked into some major drama but he tried to hold in all his thoughts on the matter. He couldn't allow his curiosity to get in the way of this, so he held her. "Shh. I've got you." Damn, he was in a strange position, this girl didn't even know him. But maybe that was the point, maybe because she didn't know him was the reason he could do this. Maybe him being here was a bit of a blessing because he was the only one in her world right now who hadn't broken her trust and lied to her. After all he'd only met her an hour or 2 ago. "I'm here. Just let it out." He encouraged her.
Amy glared at the headstone through her tears. "I'm a burden. A product of a disgusting and vile act. That's why she abandoned me...why she never came home but why did you love me?! Why did you love me but let her walk away? I don't understand. Why mom, why?!" Amy buried her face in his chest and cried. She just cried.
Thoughts?
Much Love. x
