Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters, give credit to those who deserve it.

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I apologise, I've been absent, yet things have been moving so incredibly fast in life. However, I have had some time to write, so here we are.
I do hope you enjoy it and with any luck I will try to get the next chapter out to you very, very soon.

If you've been waiting for this chapter, and are still here to read it then I thankyou. I truly thank you.

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Chapter Nine

Amy leant on the door of Spartan's stall, staring at him. She had narrowly avoided seeing her grandfather or Lou this morning, rising early enough to sneak out of the house, not quiet ready for the confrontation she knew was coming.

"I'm angry, boy, I don't know anything about myself anymore." She quietly vented to the horse that had started it all, the horse her...well Marion died saving. Irrationally she blamed him but he was a horse, this wasn't his fault.
And now she found herself standing outside his stall because perhaps the only way to clear her mind was to work through things in her usual way, with horses. More specifically with a horse that was somehow involved in all of this. "Twenty four hours ago I knew who I was, now everything has changed, I'm..."

"Still the same girl."

Amy turned, startled slightly at the sound of the voice but relieved to see it was just Ty coming down the stairs. Part of her was rather embarrassed that he'd turned up at Heartland to see her family is the middle of a breakdown. She was certain it was not the welcome he had been expecting but he had handled it with ease and even comforted her. However in this moment she couldn't help but disagree with him, he knew what had occurred. "No I'm not...In fact..."

Ty interrupted her before she could ramble on in self pity. "I agree that your life is currently in spirals, but you are exactly the same person you were before this happened. You still look the same, talk the same and have the same talents. You're just a little..."

"I..." Amy didn't want to believe what he was saying, she'd had this life altering thing thrown in her face. Of course she was a different person. She had different parents...her entire life was based on a lie.

Ty came over to stand beside her, peering into Spartan's stall. "Your foundation is there Amy, it's just cracked. It can be repaired." He didn't know every single detail but he was ninety nine percent certain that the teenager before him didn't know everything either.
In his experience if a parent abandons their child they don't usually come back, especially because of the child they left behind.
The circumstances of Amy's birth made it hard to believe that if Lou had abandoned her then she would suddenly show up caring again. He knew in his head that there was more to the story but it was obvious that Amy wasn't willing to hear that yet.

Amy stared at him, wondering if perhaps he was right. Was she just being dramatic about it? She was still Amy, at least she knew in her heart that's who she was but she couldn't help but wonder if she would have been a whole different person had she been raised by Lou. "Can you help me get him to the yard? I need to clear my mind." And she did, she need to think about things without a person in front of her. If she could sort her mind then maybe she wouldn't lash out if she was confronted by her grandfather or Lou.

...

Lou stood in the doorframe of Amy's bedroom, her eyes scanned the room, looking at all the belongings. Posters and trophies that symbolised who the little girl had grown into.
Even though the dna was there, she tried to make a conscious effort to not refer to Amy as hers. When she did, she felt as if she was being selfish, because she hadn't taken any part in raising Amy into the young woman she had become.

Her heart broke when she saw the bear lying on the ground, the stuffing that had been ripped out, the torn photo that laid on the floor. She wanted to cry, just like she had cried when she had made the bear but she didn't.
She was taking every bit of will power she had to pull herself together and that meant no more tears.

This was her second chance, and crying over everything Marion took was not embracing the moments she was now being given.

Crossing the room she gathered the body of the bear and tucked it against her body, taking a deep breath. This bear was a symbol.

Her symbol that she had never forgotten Amy.
A symbol of love.

And now it would be a symbol that even broken things can be repaired.

She leant down to gather a handful of stuffing, a tear sliding down her cheek as she did.

"Mom, please!"

"No. You made the choice to leave. You walked away and abandoned your child."

"My child?! She calls you mom! You can't say I abandoned her when you won't let me near her."

"You left her."

"You gave me no other choice...please mom, it's her birthday."

"You're not welcome here, Samantha. Amy hasn't mention you in months. Don't return just to upset her."

Lou cried when the dial tone rung in her ear indicating that her mother had ended the call. Her eyes drifted to the bear she had been crafting to Amy's birthday. It was lying in a box at the end of her bed. Perhaps it was where it would have to stay.

….

"You finish that bear. You send it to her. It's the right thing to do."

"Mom won't give it to her, it'll be thrown out."

"You don't know that. It's the right thing to do Lou. At least you know you sent it, then she can know you still think about her. That you still love her." Tim sunk down onto the floor beside his daughter. "This bear is your symbol. Don't just throw it away."

"Mom will."

"Then address it to your grandfather, let him give it to Amy." Tim wrapped his arm around his daughter. "Do this. Just see where it leads."

It was nice to know the Amy had received the bear she'd sent her, that her Grandfather had given it to the little girl.
It was sad to see the symbol, the love she'd poured into it, ripped apart.
Yet she had to make herself understand that it would take Amy longer then twenty four hours to accept this new truth, if she ever chose to accept it at all.

Until then...or at least for today, she'd mend this bear.

...

"Amy,"

Amy stood in the middle of the yard, watching Spartan run round and round in front of her. She didn't turn to acknowledge her Grandfathers presence, nor did she speak. Not trusting the words that would come from her mouth.
What could she say to him?
Her mind had been spinning with thoughts after her conversation with Ty but she still wasn't ready to voice them to her Grandfather. He had betrayed her. Years worth of anger were swirling in her mind.

"Amy,"

"Don't," Amy spoke sharply, having to remind herself to take a deep breath. "I'm not ready." She didn't want to shout at him, she didn't have the energy too.

Jack stared at his granddaughter, wishing he could compel her to speak with him. He wanted to mend this, to mend both of the ladies in his life. "Amy, please, I want you to understand..."

"I don't want to understand. I don't want to hear your excuses or..." Her temper was flaring, she could feel the fire in her belly. "Grampa, please, I can't do this. I want to be alone."

"Sweetheart, I know this is hard, your entire world is upside down, but you are not alone. I'm here. Lou is here."

"Lou abandoned me! She never wanted me."

"Amy, that isn't true."

Amy spun around to face her grandfather, fully aware that her eyes were now filling with tears again. "Yes it is! She left me here, on this ranch, while she went and moved to New York City with the man I thought was my father. How could she? She carried me in her..." Amy felt the tears streaming down her face, her heart racing her chest. Lou had carried her in her stomach...Lou, not Marion. "She carried me and then tossed me aside!"

Jack shook his head vigorously, the despair welling inside of him. How could he help Amy to realise that Lou wanted her then and still wanted her now. "Amy, Lou loves you, she has always loved you."

Amy laughed, a sarcastic laugh filled with venom. "Isn't it funny that she loves me but had no problem giving me up and then raising a different child?"

"Oh, no, Amy that isn't..."

"I don't want her here. I don't want her anywhere near me." Amy felt the nudge against her back, and she stiffened. The horse. "Spartan..." She turned, her eyes meeting that of the large animal in front of her. "Oh,"

"Amy," Jack tried to draw her attention back to him. "I know this is all a mess, and I have done somethings that I will never forgive myself for." He didn't know if she was listening to him but he continued to speak, the words needed to be said. "Lou loves you, you may not be willing to talk to her yet, but when you are I think you'll start to understand how this came to be." He gently tapped the wooden fence. "You are and always will be a gift, Amy; one we all treasure."

...

Lou couldn't bring herself to eat with her grandfather that night, she couldn't bring herself to look for Amy, or to call Georgie.
All she could bare to do was climb back into bed and cling to the bear she had repaired, her fingers holding it close to her body.

She had overstepped her boundaries, she knew that, but it felt right. This bear was something she wanted Amy to have, and despite knowing that the teenager could very well rip it apart again, it was worth it. But for this night, she'd hold it, just for now, to remind her of a time when she'd been hopeful she'd get Amy back.

"It will be a long battle. A costly one. However, I think will some effort, and a good foundation, we could win. We could bring your daughter home."

Lou felt the tear slide down her cheek, and she closed her eyes in attempt to keep them in.

It had failed.

...

She didn't know why but she found herself in the same position as the night before, except this time she was sitting there glaring at the bear in Lou's arms.
She'd found it.
Amy didn't know how to feel, the emotions clawed at her body, part anger, part sadness. Lou had mended the bear, made it whole again.

And she briefly found herself wondering if Lou could mend her too, make her whole...but the thought was shaken from her mind as quickly as it came. It was silly of her to think that Lou might actually care enough.

"I want answers." Amy found herself whispering into the darkness. "I want to know why." All she wanted was the truth, to understand it all but it terrified her. What if the answers only made this mess hurt more? What if it took away even more of her foundation? What if the truth only made her feel more hatred, what if it made her feel even more alone?

Amy didn't think she could handle feeling more alone then she did already. Lou had Georgie, Lou had her father and now, now she had their Grampa. Who did she have? Some boy she barely knew, who had come to meet her at the lowest point in her life? It wasn't enough.

She closed her eyes, and leaned her head back against the door. "I'm scared." She admitted into the darkness, allowing the silent tears to roll down her cheeks. "I'm scared of who I am, I'm scared of who I'll never be again."

...

Lou sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the teenager curled up on the wooden floor. She'd covered her with a blanket, but now she was watching, waiting for her to wake.

Amy was here. In her room.

Thoughts?

I hope to get the next chapter out to you, in a week at the latest.

Much Love. x