The Diego Diaries: Reel (dd6 543)
=0=The Next Morning in Ops Center
"And that's about it. Until we nail down these strange energy signatures here we won't be able to give you more than that," Springer said as Sky nodded.
"We're working through a number of sensors to calibrate this to the point of location. It's our tech but its slightly different," Sky said. "We'll get the frequency soon enough and then we can track backward to the ones who have it. Someone on world has our tech."
"The murderers," Ratchet mused. "I wonder how much of a true believer they are that they might fall on their sword rather than talk."
"We shall see," Optimus said grimly. "Thank you, gentlemen. Please keep us apprised."
"Will do," Springer said as he, Drift and Sky rose and walked out to go back to work.
It was silent as Prime rose and walked out to take a call from Earth. Ratchet watched him, then grinned. "I was thinking … about our youtube channel, Autobot Nation ..."
"No."
Ratchet smirked at Prowl who smirked at him. "Fragger. I was thinking of making funny videos once a week or so to add to the ones already there. We can call it Prime Stuff."
"And what would that be?" Prowl asked as he sat back and folded his arms over his rather nice chassis.
So Ratchet told him.
=0=Noonish
They sat at The Diner On The Corner waiting for their food and drinks to come, the usual crowd and all of the family. There was a low buzz as Magnus, Arcee, Springer and Drift walked in to sit and order. Stirring his tea, Ratchet glanced up as a youngster from the Food Institute walked in with a box and handed it to him. "Why thank you, infant."
He grinned, then walked out as Ratchet made a show of opening the box. He grinned, pulled out a red box with an odd shape to examine it.
"What's that?" Ironhide asked as he received his lunch plate from the waiter.
"Oh?" Ratchet mused. "Something I saw on Youtube. Something that I sort of wondered if Rampage could make."
"What is it?" Lon said as he grinned at Ratchet. By now everyone was glancing his way.
"Well, its supposed to be the hottest nacho chip in the world," Ratchet said as he checked over the box in his hand.
It was silent, then Sandstorm leaned forward. "Can I see it?"
Ratchet glanced at him, then handed the box downward to the big mech who took it, read it, then grinned. "This is supposed to be hot enough to bring you to your knees."
"Go ahead. I dare ya," Roadbuster said.
"You don't think I would?" Sandstorm replied. Predictably.
"I don't think any of you will," Ratchet said as he pulled more boxes out. If they had done their research all of the mechs would have known that the red box they were in was coffin shaped. But they didn't so they didn't.
Like that.
"If you eat one, I'll eat one," Roadbuster said.
Sandstorm gazed at him levelly, then the box. "Why just you and me? Who else wants to join in? The more, the merrier."
The mechs around the room glanced at each other, then sat back to consider the challenge.
Ratchet grinned. "None of you have the sand. None of you would do this because you don't have the sand."
"I'll do it," Drift said with a grin. He glanced at Springer. "How about you? It's a nacho."
"A red hot nacho," Springer replied.
"Wuss," Roadbuster said. "The Boss isn't a wuss. What about you, Springer?"
Springer frowned slightly. "I'm the boss."
"You are. Wuss," Drift replied to great laughter.
"I had a few made for Christmas Surprise presents," Ratchet said as he faked counting the boxes in the big box in front of him. "I have … with that one," he said nodding toward Sandstorm, "ten boxes. Who among you handsome daredevils wants to eat one of these things?"
It was silent as the mechs shifted in their chairs, none of them wanting to be wusses. Then Raptor snickered. "I will. I also nominate Blackjack and the infant."
Ironhide and Raptor glanced sharply at Raptor. "WHAT!?"
"You two slaggers aren't going to crap out on me are ya?" Raptor asked with a smirk.
They stared at him, their uncertainty showing clearly on their faces. "If you do it, how hard can it be?" Blackjack asked his father.
Ironhide glanced at Blackjack, then his grandfather. "Uh, yeah. How hard?"
Ratchet who was listening with one audial as he worked on his lunch grinned slightly. "At least Raptor has the bearings. Drift, too."
Everyone stared at Ratchet, then each other. They felt the con but no one wanted to be the one who didn't play. One by one, they began to agree. By the time ten mechs had committed under social pressure, Ratchet glanced around. "Well, I was going to use this as presents but since you asked to do this I'm going to film it for the youtube channel."
"So we're going to be famous? Is that what you're saying?" Smokey asked as he lounged beside his smirking amma and appa.
"You mean you aren't already?" Ratchet asked with a dazzling smile.
Smokey grinned, then shot a cool optic at Hot Rod nearby. "I'll do it. Some of us have the bearings."
Hot Rod frowned, then sat back in his chair. "Count me in."
"When do we do this and where?" Drift asked.
"How about after we finish here? I asked IntraCom to do this for me just now. They owe me," Ratchet asked with a large and dazzling smile.
Hercy and Kup who knew a con when they saw one glanced at the others. They were going to regret this both knew. However, being slaggers themselves, they watched with straight faces as the marks took the bait. They should have known better both thought but they never learned.
The lunch continued, then Ratchet stood. "Are you done?" he asked picking up his box filled with coffin shaped nacho packages. "I'm heading over."
The mechs stared at him, then each other. Almost as one, the entire room including a mesmerized Prowl and a smirking Prime rose to follow. It would take a bit of time to get there but they would enter the huge building, walk to a studio where Jazz, Mirage and Blaster were waiting, then pause before a long table behind which ten chairs were seated.
Drift looked at Ratchet knowing full well that he was being conned into something that was probably going to hurt but true to the male character no matter who or what you were, he wasn't going to be the one who stepped back. All of the mechs turned to Ratchet. "Why do I feel like I'm going to regret this?" Drift said as Springer nodded.
Ratchet gave him a giant smile. "I have no idea."
Huge laughter and catcalls erupted as Ratchet steered Raptor to the table to sit. The others walked reluctantly to sit, then it became quiet. Ratchet grinned. "Here's the rules as I just made them up. You have to eat the chip at the count of three, then you can't have anything to drink for a full five minutes on the TMC. The first one who gives up is the LOSER. The one who can last the longest, even past five minutes is the champion. I asked IntraCom to film this for the youtube channel as a Christmas Surprise present for the Earth and everyone else. You're going to be famous. Frag that. YOU'RE GOING TO BE CHAMPIONS! EPIC CHAMPIONS!"
They stared at Ratchet, then snickered.
"Who doesn't understand the rules?" Ratchet asked.
No one said a word.
Ratchet set the box on a counter nearby, then pulled out the little boxes. Walking to the table, he put one in front of each of the mechs. Prime pulled a chair nearby and sat down as Prowl stood behind him with a grin on his face. Ultra Magnus and Arcee along with Jetta, Elita and the rest of the group sat or stood behind Prime to watch.
"Ratchet, when you're ready to start this we are as well," Blaster said as he stood beside the console.
Ratchet nodded, then turned to face the cameras. "Let's go now. Okay?"
Jazz sat down before the control console. "We're go in three … two … one. You're go."
"Hello, Earth, Cybertron, Mars, Razorclaw, Ominous and the rest of the galaxy. I'm Ratchet of Iacon and we're here to give you a gift for Christmas and the holidays. I had our master chef prepare copies of the hottest nacho you can find on Earth. These handsome daredevils have volunteered to eat them and abide by simple rules. They have to eat them at the same time, last for five Earth minutes without drinking, then the one who lasts the longest is the champion. They are," he said as he turned toward the table, "Raptor, Blackjack and Ironhide of Praxus, Drift of Kaon, Springer of Polyhex, Smokescreen of Praxus, Hot Rod of Nyon, Roadbuster of Tarn, Sandstorm of Altihex and Bulkhead of Iacon.
"These warriors, these EPIC MECHS are volunteering to give you a video of such EPIC PROPORTIONS that it will live on in the ANNALS OF HISTORY!" He smiled brilliantly. Then he turned to the group. "Open the box and take out the nacho."
They stared at Ratchet, no one moving for a moment, then Smokey opened his and pulled it out. He stared at it, a perfect nacho, turning it to look at all sides of its reasonably benign looking thing. The others took out theirs as well, then looked at Ratchet. The tension was high.
Ratchet smiled. "We have a distinguished audience watching," he said as the camera turned to the others.
Prime grinned, then waggled his fingers in a wave to the great amusement of everyone there. The camera turned back to Ratchet. He smiled instantly. "Alright. If we're ready..."
"We are," Jazz said.
"Then when I count to three, you eat it. The clock only starts when you ALL eat them." Ratchet grinned. "Three."
Tension and tenseness.
"Two."
The mechs leaned slightly forward.
"ONE!"
Ten pie holes eat ten nachos and it was quiet for a moment. Then all hell broke loose.
=0=Around
"I think that we should get our trees out of storage and put them up. Maybe we can help Sonny. They've been so busy with all the important things going on," Ravel said as he hammered gently on a knife blade.
"I think so. We need to help them with all the important things they do," Appa Ratchet said as he and the others sat on their chairs studying.
Everyone agreed together.
=0=IntraCom
"AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
It took a moment for the fire to start burning and when it did ten mechs gripped the table in the enormity of the pain that was building in their mouths. Raptor stood up and bellowed, hopping on his feet as the explosion in his mouth took over his senses.
Roadbuster stood up beside him, then punched Raptor in the gut. Raptor turned and blindly slugged Roadie who didn't feel it so intense was the inferno in his mouth.
Ironhide was beating on the table before getting up to hop around the room. He yelled and flailed, his arms windmilling in the air as he ran in circles.
Drift had stood, then ran backwards into the wall before running forward to run into Springer who was shivering in place, his servos over his mouth as he groaned loudly.
Smokey jumped up as his chair fell backward and gripped Hot Rod's arm. He was jumping in place as he howled. Hot Rod turned to him blindly, pawing at the air as he tried to find some reason to live.
Sandstorm was gripping the table beating his helm on it as Bulkhead stood up, gripping at whatever he could find. Then he began to beat on his own helm with his own fists.
Everyone else who was watching the show howled with laughter at the sight. Ratchet who knew it would hurt was surprised at the intensity as he kept his sensors on the ten. He glanced at Prime who was bent over in the chair howling with laughter while Magnus watched with a dazed expression and a slight grin on his face. He glanced at Ratchet. "You aren't going to put this on the channel are you?"
"This is gold, Magnus," Ratchet said as the table was tipped over by the stampede of the mechs in no particular direction.
It was.
=0=TBC 12-13-18 edited 12-25-18
I saw this on youtube.
The World's Hottest Nacho: Carolina Reaper Madness Chip by Paqui
Considered by many as the world's spiciest tortilla chip, each is seasoned with real Carolina Reaper—Guinness World Record holder for the hottest chili—and dusted with ghost pepper and chipotle flavoring for an extra kick.
The heat index for these chilis is amazing. The Carolina Reaper has a heat index of 2,200,000 schoville units.
The usual cures don't work to shut it off. You need citrus, limes, lemons and grapefruit to break up the oil and shut it down. They only sell them one to a package. :D
Pepper spray has the same heat index and the types police use are two times hotter. 2-5+million schoville units.