Thanks for the feedback!

The next afternoon leaves Rory alone in the apartment. Jess has gone to work - he passes on messages for people - and will be back in a couple of hours. Rory doesn't know what to do with herself. She guesses she should unpack a few things but feels weirdly resistant opening up the boxes. Telling herself not to be dumb, Rory gets a knife from the kitchen and slices a box open, almost catching her finger. Carefully putting the knife down, Rory opens the box properly and pulls out of her clothes. She shakes them out and goes to put them away and then remembers there's no closet. Jess's clothes are piled on a chair in the corner and every few days he takes the dirty ones to the laundromat. Moving the pile aside a little, Rory puts a few outfits next to Jess's and guesses there's no point unpacking the rest. She can just get them out when she needs them, and doesn't think about retrieving her books. There isn't room, she thinks. Rory finds the book she had in her purse and curls up on the bed to finish it. She can't concentrate properly. She keeps wondering about what she's doing here, how long she'll stay. Rory gets an uncomfortable sensation in her chest when she thinks about that, but when Jess is there she mostly forgets it. Rory tries looking at the page one more time when the door opens and Jess comes in, wiping her thoughts away.

"Hey!" Rory exclaims, putting the book down and going over to him. "How was work?"

"Same old same old," Jess shrugs, giving her a kiss. "Not a lot to it."

"But it was okay?"

"It was fine."

Jess goes to get a bottle of water from the fridge and takes a long swig before going over and sitting next to Rory on the bed. "Hey," he says fondly and Rory smiles back. "Hey."

He kisses her and Rory kisses him back, softly and then more heavily, putting her arms around him. They kiss harder, lying down together, and Rory shivers slightly as Jess moves on top of her. She keeps her arms around him, moving her hips against his, and Rory welcomes his touch against her breasts when he reaches under her bra. They kiss like that for a while but when Jess starts to unbutton the button on her jeans Rory shakes her head, sitting up. Jess stops, sitting up with her and breathing heavily and Rory says, "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for."

"I know. It's just - I want to, I just..."

"We'll go slow," Jess says, taking Rory's hand, and they lie back down. Rory doesn't know why she's holding off. She isn't sorry exactly, but she's frustrated with herself. It's not that she's especially attached to her virginity. Part of her wants to just have sex so it's over with, the whole first time, but when they gets close Rory stops. She doesn't feel nervous, exactly. She's a little uncertain about what sex will be like but Rory wants to find out. She's touched herself before and likes the thought of Jess touching her too, doing more, but then in the moment it feels too much. Rory wonders when it is you know it's right. Maybe you just have to do it. Still, she's good with taking it slow for now. Last year she had it all planned out. She wanted to do it after prom, though the stereotype, gave her pause, and settled for somewhere in that vicinity. Rory was so ready she'd told Lorelai she was thinking about it and even bought condoms and new underwear. She knew it would happen. She wanted it to more than anything. Rory was totally ready and then Jess left and now she's unready again. It seems stupid. Rory lies on her back, staring the ceiling, and feels Jess run his fingers through her hair. Rory wonders if he really does like it short. She doesn't know if she likes it short. All she knew was that she was in Yale but still carrying around all this stuff from high school, and Rory found herself in a salon, staring in a mirror. She had some hair taken off a couple of months back but Rory wanted a real haircut. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd had short hair and the hairdresser had asked, "Are you sure?" Rory said she was. The hairdresser promised a cute little bob and that's what Rory left with. She was very happy when she saw the result. She looked like someone new. The feeling lasted until the next morning and then Rory just felt even worse than before. A haircut hadn't solved her hurt. Rory is glad she changed it, but is also happy that it's growing back out. She doesn't think she'll cut it off again.

Rory looks to her side and Jess smiles at her. She smiles back but despite their talk yesterday, still doesn't feel she got Jess's full story. Still, Rory supposes she can't judge. When Jess asked how her year had been all she'd said that it was an adjustment. You hurt me, is what she'd wanted to say. You just left. Rory had been mad at Jess and missed him, and been mad at herself for missing him, and it was a whole big mess. She knows he's sorry. She knows he loves her, and she loves him too, but she's still mad at him and that hasn't gone away. She could tell him, but Rory's proud as well as hurt. She doesn't want to tell Jess how many nights she lay awake, wondering what she did to make him go without telling her. She doesn't want to feel like she needs him to be okay. Rory looks away, focusing on tugging her bra and shirt back down and Jess asks gently, "Do you want some coffee?"

"That'd be great...thanks."

Jess gets up to make it and Rory sits up, hugging her knees to her chest. Coffee is making her think of Lorelai. Rory wonders how her mother is and feels a snag of guilt. It's not so long until Lorelai's test run of The Dragonfly, and Rory was going to do it with her. She was excited - they both were. This is what Lorelai has been working towards pretty much since Rory's birth. Rory almost wants to ask if Lorelai wants her to come down just for that night to help as planned, but knows what the answer would be. It hurts being in a bad place with her. Rory takes the cup from Jess and shrugs when he asks, "You okay?"

"Fine."

"You seem quiet."

"Just thinking."

Jess nods, kissing her cheek, but doesn't ask and Rory doesn't explain. As they sip coffee together Rory starts to relax and Jess looks over at the chair. "Hey, you unpacked?"

"Just a little. I need a chair of my own for clothes."

Jess nods and Rory muses, "I need a job too. There aren't any bookstores around here, are there?"

"Wouldn't bet a lot of money on it."

Rory sighs. She wouldn't bet a lot of money on it either, judging from what she's seen. She'll start looking tomorrow, and doesn't have high hopes for anything. But at least it's good here in the apartment. It's not very pretty or comfortable, and today it's too hot in comparison to yesterday's damp cold, but Rory feels more herself here than in the Yale dorm. All year she never felt quite at place there, despite Emily's living room set. Everyone seemed to find a groove except her. Rory takes another boiling sip to stop moping.

"You should unpack for real," Jess says decidedly. "I'm sure I can find some shelves or something."

"Who ever knew you were such a handyman?"

"Picked a few things living with Luke. Guess something worked out after all."

Jess is grinning but he sounds almost sad and Rory starts to say, "Jess -"

"We'll find something," Jess says interrupting her. "This place is both of us, right?"

"Right," Rory agrees, looking at the room surrounding them. "It's for both of us."