Clara panicked as soon as she woke up, the room was unfamiliar, her head was pounding and her arm really hurt. She looked around, there was nobody there. Quickly she sat up and started pulling the wires off herself, setting off alarms which caused Hayley to come running in.
"No no stop right there," Hayley just stopped her from pulling out the cannula, "you know better than that, settle down now." As Clara relaxed she found herself starting to cry, hugging Hayley now.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I messed up," she managed to get out between sobs.
"Shh settle down now, it's alright, just me here. Nobody is angry Clara, we're all worried about you. You stopped taking your meds, why? You've taken them religiously as long as I've known you, regardless of what has been going on, this isn't like you," Hayley made eye contact, clearly concerned.
Clara sat back again, pulling her knees close to her chest. "I don't know, where am I? This isn't the usual ward."
"Observant as always Miss Oswald," Hayley sat on the edge of the bed beside her, "we're on the mental health ward sweetheart. You need more help than I can give you now." There was no response, "they're letting me stay. Your dad will come up later too. Once you're better they're going to transfer you to Henley Place," she explained, knowing how Clara's mind worked so she needed to know everything now to plan it out. "Do you know about it?"
"I know what it is," she replied quietly, still not looking up.
Hayley grabbed the brochure sat by her bed, "It's a good place, one of the best. There are loads of facilities, even a swimming pool. The most important thing is that they are there to help you and they are really very good at it."
Clara glanced up, "it looks expensive… that's not the NHS one."
"That's not for you to worry about. Have a look through that when you're ready it will explain everything. One of their staff are going to visit tomorrow to talk to you," she explained. "I'm always here, whatever you need. You'll be able to contact me if you need me, and your dad and anyone you need. Paula will still be highly involved in your care too, she will visit a lot."
"Why? She's a liar," Clara pushed the brochure away and lay down, turning away from Hayley who sighed softly, but didn't push the matter any further for now. Paula had filled her in on the details.
"Jess and Faye want to come after school, is that okay?" Clara shrugged and Hayley took that as a yes, only hoping it would cheer her up. "Alright, I'll go make the call. I won't be long."
#-#-#-#
Jess and Faye arrived a couple of hours later and Hayley left the room for a moment once she was sure Clara was comfortable with them there.
"How are you feeling?" Jess asked, "I mean, about what's happening. Are you okay with it?"
"Am I meant to be?" Clara sighed. "Sorry I'm all over the place at the moment. I want to get better and if this is the way to do it then maybe it's what I need to do. I'm sorry for scaring you earlier."
"Shut up, you're not well you don't need to apologise for that. Paula spoke to us before we came, she knows you're upset with her, but she said she'll organise school work in keeping with what they say so don't worry about it. We'll visit when we can too, don't think you get rid of us that easily," Faye grinned, "you'll be back before you know it."
"I hope so, I miss how things used to be," Clara told them, her mind suddenly drifting to Danny and sending her quiet once more. Neither Jess or Faye were going to bring up the subject right now, but they knew what she was thinking and gave her a reassuring smile to tell her everything would be alright.
#-#-#-#
The next day, as Hayley had told her, one of the staff from Henley Place came to visit. She introduced herself as Louise and told Clara she would be her case worker during her stay. Louise was there for nearly 2 hours explaining what they would be doing for her, asking questions about what she wanted to achieve during her time there. She already seemed to know everything about her condition and what had happened leading up to this - the woman certainly did her homework. Clara had to admit she seemed nice, very understanding of her condition. Already she had suggested different activities that were right up Clara's street and by the time she'd finished the prospect of going there seemed that little bit less terrifying.
Later in the day the medical staff came in and explained they were happy that her injuries were recovering well and she was okay to be discharged to Henley Place. Hayley was still with her and they had agreed she would go with her for the transfer as her Dad was unable to and Clara refused to let Paula near her at the moment. Greg came to say goodbye too, hugging her and promising to look after her in her absence. "You've always been brave, I know you'll get through this." Clara simply hugged him tight, suddenly feeling like the young scared girl she'd been when she first met them both.
Arriving at the centre Clara realised it was very different to what she'd expected, even from the pictures. From the outside it almost looked like a posh hotel, the building was old but sort of beautiful. It had pretty decent sized grounds too and they looked well maintained, almost calming just to look at. They walked inside, Clara keeping close to Hayley but looking around at the large reception area - she still couldn't shake the feeling of how this was being funded, but everytime she tried to bring it up she was told not to worry about it so that was something to work out at a later date. Louise appeared behind them, making Clara jump when she spoke but Hayley got to her before she could panic anymore.
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you," Louise smiled at her reassuringly and made sure she was okay before continuing. "Everything is ready for you, come with me I'll show you your room." Clara followed her through a couple of halls, noting the route as she went. "You go on in first," Louise opened the door and moved for her. After a quick look to Hayley Clara went in and looked around, spotting someone in the corner.
"Gran you're here!" she ran over and hugged her, looking at the rest of the room, "did you do all this?" There were pictures from home set up, some of her clothes were on the side and a few of her favourite books had been set neatly on the shelf - in order of author. Suddenly something occurred to her - "you're paying for all this… Gran how you can't-"
"How is my business, but it's nothing for you to worry about. You're here to get better and that is all that is important right now," she kissed her head. "They're really good here, Louise spoke to me earlier and told me what they do, even showed me around - it's really nice, I think you'll like it."
Clara wasn't completely convinced, but her Gran seemed to be and that helped. "You're not going to be here, nobody will be. I don't know anyone Gran, it's all new people." She finally got it out.
"There are, but you've already met Louise right? She'll make sure you don't get too scared. Everyone here is here to be helped, they've all had their first day once. I know you're going to be fine," Grace squeezed the hand Clara had used to take hers. "I need to go see your Dad, what should I tell him?"
"Tell him I'll be okay, tell him I miss him and to keep working hard at his physio," she told her. "Give him a big hug from me."
"Alright love, see you soon okay?" Grace hugged her tight and left. Only then did Louise and Hayley come in. Clara sat down on the bed, looking round at the room and taking deep breaths to try and calm herself.
Hayley sat down beside her and Louise grabbed a chair and sat nearby. "I'm going to go now too love, I have to work tonight and you should get settled in." Clara nodded. "Stay strong okay?" She nodded again. Hayley gave her one last hug and left, mouthing to Louise to look after her.
"You know Hayley don't you?" Clara asked, not really looking up.
"I do, we used to work together. You're very observant," Louise told her. "Do you want to look around now?"
"Can we do it in the morning? I'm really tired, I don't think I can face everything just yet…" Clara still looked at her hands. "Tomorrow, I promise."
"Tomorrow it is, we'll be checking on you during the night just so you're aware, but I know Hayley has talked you through the daily routine already. I'll be leaving soon but I'll be back in the morning. Do you have any questions?" Louise asked. Clara shook her head. "Alright then, goodnight," she stood up, placing the chair back and left.
#-#-#-#
She didn't sleep much that much, it was a new room and she hadn't really expected to, but actually it was quite nice to be alone for a while. Her mind did wander however and she found herself thinking over and over about Danny and what he had done, wondering what she could have done, why he would do that. Every hour someone would come and check on her, and every hour she would pretend to be asleep, but when Louise came in the morning to wake her Clara hadn't actually slept at all, but that's not what she told her.
When had she suddenly become a liar? Suddenly, out of nowhere, she was lying to everyone around her just to… why was she doing it? Torturing herself? Was that even the right word? Something was going round in her brain, lots of things were. It was all a bit of a mess really, she couldn't figure it out - not that she was trying to, instead she was just running away and-
"You're taking your time in there, everything alright?" Louise's voice came through the door bringing Clara back down to earth. "Clara if you don't answer I'll have to come in."
She couldn't answer, something seemed to be stopping her.
As promised Louise opened the door and walked in to see Clara stood staring out of the window, not even reacting to her coming in. She walked over and stood beside her, looking out. "I know it's hard being in a new place, but we are here to help. Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"Not really," Clara shrugged. Louise didn't push it any further and instead encouraged her down to breakfast.
#-#-#-#
Trying to focus on work was difficult. Danny stood behind the counter in the thankfully quiet café trying to figure everything out. He'd been told Clara was unwell but nothing more, she didn't want him to know. He was mentally beating himself up over what had happened, wishing she would listen. Had he made her ill? Probably, she was vulnerable - he was meant to protect her.
He jumped a little when the bell attached to the door went and he stood up ready to serve whoever came in. He was surprised when he recognised the woman, and it wasn't a regular. "Oh… hi Miss, what can I get you?" he managed to get out.
"Latte would be wonderful, but then we need to talk," she replied. Danny nodded, making the drink before telling his Mum he would be a minute. They walked to a quiet corner of the room and sat down. "Has Clara been in contact at all since you left?"
"No, why is something wrong? Dad said she was ill is there more to it?" he tried not to sound too panicked.
"There's not a lot I can tell you, Clara has told us not to tell you, I'm sorry. I just need to get a feel for what's going on, the people looking after her need as much of a picture as they can, especially when she's not telling anyone anything much," Paula sighed. "Sorry, I'm clutching at straws a little."
"What people? Sorry, I know you can't say, it's just driving me mad not being able to help her. I screwed up, I just wish I could see her to explain," he rubbed his head gently. "Just, if you get the chance, can you try and get her to see? Just listen?"
"I can't promise anything," Paula told him and then stood up, "I'd better go. See you after half term if not before." Once she'd left Danny stood up and got back to work, but it was still difficult to concentrate.
After dinner Danny had gone up to his room but his mind was still on what Paula had said. He lay on his bed and looked at the ceiling trying to figure it out, but the more he thought the more it grew and the more he couldn't let it go. He looked at the time and took a deep breath, grabbing his jacket and opening the window. It had been a while since he'd sneaked out of the house, but it was the only way to find out.
Thankfully he had a bit of money in his pocket and managed to get a taxi to get him back to school. He thanked the driver and walked in, watching carefully to make sure he wasn't spotted. He knew the places to hide when people walked by and eventually made it to Clara's room, knocking gently while watching the hallway.
Jess opened the door, "what are you doing here?" She sounded angry, unsurprisingly.
"Please just let me in and I'll explain," he told her. A little reluctantly, Jess moved out of the way and let him in - shutting the door behind him. "I saw Paula today, she won't tell me anything. What's going on?"
"If Clara doesn't want you to know then it's not our place to say," Jess shrugged. "You're not meant to be here."
"Jess look I know you're angry with me, I'm angry with me too. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I didn't know about the alcohol I swear," he tried to explain. "It was just a stupid accident…"
"That resulted in your girlfriend ending up in a mental health clinic!" Faye shouted from the corner, finally breaking her silence. Danny stood in shock at what she'd just said, while Jess had looked over at her. Faye looked apologetic, "I'm sorry, but he needs to know what he did. She stopped taking her meds for a week, hid away from all of us, I don't even know how much she ate because we screwed up as well."
"No don't you two blame yourselves for any of this! This is my doing, my mess," he tried to hold it together. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have let them manipulate me like that."
Jess looked at him, studying his face, "you really didn't mean to do any of this did you?"
"No! Why would I? I love her!" he was struggling to keep it in now. "That wasn't me, that just wasn't. I swear I had one drink, if I'd have known it was vodka I would have never, I swear,"
"Wait, start at the beginning, Clara said you'd had alcohol," Faye asked.
"They told me it was water, I was really thirsty so I had a big gulp. I hadn't eaten for a while and I've never drunk, it just went straight to my head. I was dizzy, I didn't know what I was doing and then Jackie just… I should have stopped it, and then we got caught and I had to tell Clara the truth and then she ran and I couldn't stop her and then I had to go. I'm sorry-"
Jess stopped him there. "Alright I'm with you, I get it. I mean you're still an idiot and should never have gone near those… well, there are no words, but I'm with you."
"Me too," Faye walked over. "But that won't change Clara's mind right now. We can speak to Paula, she's in close contact with the lady looking after her. That's all we can do," she explained. "And you need to go before you're caught."
Danny nodded and looked down briefly, taking a deep breath and looking up, "okay. Thank you, thank you for understanding. I'll go, I'm sorry."
"If we hear anything, and we can do, then we will let you know. Thank you for being honest," Jess told him. "We'll get her back."
#-#-#-#
As the first day came to an end Clara sat in the communal lounge by the window, reading her favourite book. Thankfully her Gran had bought in her spare copy, not the one her Mum gave - that was too precious.
"Why are you reading that?" she looked up to see another girl a year or two older than her.
"It's my favourite," Clara replied. The girl didn't appear scary, she just appeared curious, and maybe a little alone. "My Mum used to read it to me. It takes me back to a happier time, makes me feel safer."
"It's a bit of a weird book to choose isn't it?" the girl sat down by her. "What about Harry Potter?"
"It's alright, but Jane Austen just has a way with words… it's pretty special," Clara looked back down at her book.
"You're new here right?" the girl asked. Clara nodded, not looking back up. "Well I'm practically an expert here, so if you need anything you can always ask. I'm Ellie by the way." Now Clara looked up. "You okay?"
"Yeah, sorry. It's just that my Mum's name was Ellie, stupid really it just makes me think about her when I sort of hear it unexpectedly," she explained. "Didn't mean to look at you weirdly."
"You said was… it was Ellie?" the girl asked.
"Yeah, I did," Clara replied, not wanting to take this any further. She could already feel her body tensing. "Sorry I need to go," she stood up and walked away quickly. As she reached the corridor she realised she didn't have anyone to run to now, nor did she have her phone to call her Dad, and suddenly she was on the floor.
When she came round there were two of the nurses from the unit there looking over her and three other members of staff gathered round. Then she noticed the green of the paramedics uniform. "Why did you call them?" she groaned and sat up.
"We must stop meeting like this," Clara heard Chris' voice before anyone could answer her question. "How long were you out love?"
Clara had no idea, but thankfully one of the nurses did, "no more than 4 minutes," she replied. Wow they must have got to her quickly.
"How on earth did you get here that fast?" Clara asked Chris.
"We were just around the corner, lucky you eh?" he grinned.
"You don't even need to be here," she groaned and sat up. "Clearly nobody has bothered reading my notes."
"Oi, bit harsh," Chris told her as he started checking her over. "We'll make sure everything's okay. I heard you were off your medication." Clara shrugged, "alright, I know you're tired, but we will just get this done and and then you can get to bed." She let them get on with it, not paying much attention to anything while they did what they always did. Unsurprisingly, everything was fine. "You know we don't need to take you in. Look after yourself okay? I want to see you back causing havoc in the ED - and not as a patient this time." Clara did let a little smile break through. "That's more like it."
She was escorted to her room. Louise had already left for the night before this all kicked off so it was another member of staff which didn't really help how she felt. Thankfully she didn't stay long, but apparently her overnight checks would be increased despite her protests that she was fine. For the first time since she'd arrived she took out her phone from the drawer by her bed and turned it on. There were messages from Faye and Jess both saying how they were supporting her. She scrolled through their respective essays but didn't reply for now. The next message she came across her thumb hovered over. It was Danny's name. After a good couple of minutes staring at it she turned the phone back off and shut it in the drawer, falling asleep.
#-#-#-#
The morning after the night before and Clara was woken by Louise knocking on the door. "Morning, time to get up now."
Clara opened her eyes and tried to push herself up but was hit with the fatigue from the previous night. Louise opened the door and walked in, "are you alright?"
"I guess, just fatigue after last night," she rubbed her head. "Sorry."
"Don't be, I've been filled in. Do you need more time to sleep?" Louise asked.
"No, I'll try and get up," Clara took a deep breath and sat herself up. "Did I say anything bad last night?"
"Not that I'm aware of, don't you remember?" Louise seemed surprised. Clara gave up thinking they might have actually looked into it, nobody ever understood it.
"No, I rarely do. Sometimes things come back later but given I can barely remember my own life right now I don't hold out much hope," she explained.
"I think we need to have a meeting so you can explain things to us. How best we can help you. Reading your notes is one thing but it's a lot better coming from you. Would that be okay?"
"Yeah, I don't mind talking about it," Clara told her. "Its kinda nice that someone wants to know," she shrugged.
"Well you get up and I'll go and speak to some people, let's get things rolling so we can get you better," she smiled reassuringly before going off.
Clara slowly got herself up and sorted. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad here.