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Jess looks across the bed at Rory and falls in love all over again. They've had sex three times now. Her body with his, moving with an uncertain rhythm. Like it was his first time again. In a way it was - sex has never held emotion before. Is it good for her? Rory promises it is but there's a distant look in her eyes. She had it when she said she wanted to have sex, their first time, but then it evaporated into their kissing and the look had gone. Jess thought he'd imagined it, but he catches it again now. Jess lies against the pillow, his skin throbbing, and glances across at Rory. She is staring straight up at the ceiling, her thoughts elsewhere.
"Hey."
"Hey," Rory says, blinking, and Jess takes her hand.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine," Rory says brightly. "Why wouldn't I be fine?"
She turns to lean on her elbow, her breasts falling forward and Jess stares at them for a moment. He still can't believe he's privileged to see them, touch and kiss them. Before it was a grazing of hands under her shirt and occasionally over her bra. Jess never let himself imagine too much further - Luke was always wandering in and out and he already commented on how much time Jess spent in the bathroom. Rory is looking at him curiously and Jess shrugs.
"No reason."
Rory smiles and Jess hopes she'll kiss him, maybe want to have sex again, but instead she says, "I'm just thinking."
"Oh yeah?"
"Just about stuff. I start at the cafe tomorrow."
"Right." Jess doesn't voice that he can't picture Rory as a waitress. He's seen her help out at the diner but Luke's is a world away from a cafe in New York. Jess remembers when Rory told him she wanted to be an overseas correspondent, the same thought entering his mind - seems a little too rough for you. Rory had freaked out and Jess instantly felt guilty for saying it. He didn't mean to make her feel bad. Jess truly believes Rory can do anything she puts her mind to, but he has difficulty picturing her in that situation, or feeding angry New Yorkers. The danger level isn't as different as you might think. But what else can she do? There's hardly dozens of jobs to choose from and, after all, Jess brought her here. Rory chose to came here, Jess corrects uneasily. He shifts a little under the sheet.
"What are you thinking?" Rory asks, turning the question to him, and Jess quickly says, "Nothing."
"Okay."
They look at each other and Jess senses Rory doesn't believe him, just as he doesn't believe it's only the cafe on her mind. But he doesn't want to wreck anything. It's still kind of delicate between them. Even the sex has a kind of unsureness to it, a hesitancy. They are together completely yet they're not. Afterwards, they smile shyly and slip away from each other. Jess wants to say all the right things but he doesn't know what they are. It's never been like this with anyone else. They lie together a little longer and then Jess starts to get out of bed. Rory looks up in surprise.
"I'm starting work earlier today," Jess tells her, which is only a half-lie. He could wait a little longer but was starting to feel awkward in the silence. Rory nods. She turns her head as Jess gets up, disposing of the condom and picking up his clothes. Jess pretends to concentrate on them as Rory gets out of bed, saying over his shoulder, "I'm going to take a shower." Unless it's already dark in the room she seems nervous for him to see her naked. Jess doesn't really understand it - they see all of each other when they have sex - but he doesn't press her on it. They're still figuring it all out.
It's humid as hell when Jess leaves the apartment. He should've taken a shower too, he probably doesn't smell that fresh, but the shower can be temperamental if two people use it in a row. Besides, it's not like the people Jess runs errands for smell of anything other than considerable amounts of beer. It's not what you'd call the most stable job. Jess had his issues working at the diner but at least he knew he had the same hours, decent flexibility and good pay. Something else he didn't appreciate until he was gone - until he ruined it. Jess puts his head down, unwilling to make eye contact with anyone. That is something he does still like about New York. No one wants to talk to you. You can as anonymous as you need. Living in Stars Hollow was like being a bug under a microscope. Their disdain felt like a dare. They expected the worst, so they deserved the worst. Jess can see Rory shaking her head at that in his mind's eye and picks up the pace.
As he rounds the corner a poster in the restaurant window catches Jess's attention. He stops to read it and then goes in. A surly looking guy is cleaning tables and Jess asks, "You still looking for a dishwasher?"
"That's what the notice is for."
"Can I take you up on it?"
"You worked in a kitchen before?"
"Sure."
The guy eyes Jess up and down, rubbing the table with a cloth which looks even dirtier.
"You able to start tomorrow night? Seven til eleven?"
"Sure."
"You're hired."
"Cool. My name's Jess."
"Just be there," the guy says irritably. He turns back to cleaning which Jess takes as his cue to leave.
Some hours later Jess comes home to find Rory reading on the bed. She nods towards the table and says, "I made sandwiches."
"Great."
They've eaten sandwiches for dinner so many nights now that Jess is starting to lose his taste for them, but right now he's so hungry he doesn't care. Rory joins his as Jess wolfs his down and as he swallows he says, "I got a job."
"A new job?"
"An additional job. I'll be washing dishes in the evenings in that restaurant two blocks down."
"Oh," Rory says, sounding surprised. "Congratulations."
Jess looks at her and they both laugh.
"It's not exactly a promotion," Jess says and Rory says, "Sorry - it sounded dumb."
"No - thanks. I just think extra cash would be good."
Rory nods and asks, "Is it every day?"
"Maybe. I don't know - guess it depends on how busy they are."
Rory nods and Jess stretches. He wishes they could afford a television - he misses those movie nights they used to have - but then Rory kisses him and Jess kisses her back, boredom forgotten. They kiss and kiss and then topple on the floor, laughing. Jess would happily just stay there but he moves over to the bed with Rory and they start to slip off each other's clothes, caressing each other frantically. Jess hastily rolls on a condom from his pocket and then Rory pulls him onto her and Jess pushes in. The sex is quick and hot and breathless, finishing with them tangled together and panting. They are silent for a moment and Jess realises he wasn't thinking, wasn't overthinking for a change. Though not a whole lot of thinking was going on. He almost didn't think about the condom, Jess realises uncomfortably as he pushes himself up from Rory's chest and lies down. Rory is flushed in the face, catching her breath, and Jess would bet all of her tuition money that she wasn't thinking about that either. They grin sheepishly at each other.
"Well -" Jess starts to say just as Rory says, "I -" and they laugh.
"Nothing," Rory says. "What were you going to say?"
That was amazing, is what Jess wants to say. Sex should always be like that. But he doesn't. He just says, "Nothing. It wasn't important." He kisses Rory's cheek and she says, "I'm nervous about tomorrow."
"You'll do fine."
Rory shrugs and out of nowhere Jess finds himself admitting, "My first time was with a waitress."
"What?" Rory asks, laughing. "When?"
"When I lived in New York before. I was sixteen. Her name was Maggie."
It's an embarrassing memory. Jess would get coffee from that cafe when he had enough change, and sometimes he'd bum a cigarette or a light off Maggie, the waitress who smoked outside. She was a few years older than him, with bottle blonde hair, and one day she asked if he wanted to see her apartment. Jess got the hint. Part of him wasn't interested but the other part was curious and he may as well get the virginity thing over with. Jess changed his mind when he lost his nerve and came five minutes after they started. They didn't say much after that and Jess never bought coffee from that cafe again. Jess tells the story to Rory and she laughs loudly but not unkindly. He's never told it to anyone before. He doesn't tell her that being with her feels like more than it's ever been with anyone else. Jess feels more at ease, laughing with Rory like this, but when he comes back from the bathroom she isn't smiling as happily.
"What's wrong?" he asks, getting back under the covers, but Rory shakes her head.
"I'm fine."
She doesn't sound fine. It's that same distant mood to before. Jess feels frustrated - what is it, just tell me - but she takes his hand and leans against his arm, her soft hair spilling out and her blue eyes sad. Maybe it was that fight with Lorelai she mentioned, but Jess doesn't want to ask. He doesn't want to think about Lorelai - he knows her opinion of him, and it's almost definitely turned to hate now. Jess wants to say something to make that better, but what's the point? He can't. Rory went with him. Rory is right here. She's right here but miles away at the same time and Jess tries to draw her closer.