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"Luke misses you."
Jess looks up abruptly. He's barely woken up, the morning light streaming through the window and Rory is looking at him with a solemn expression.
"How do you know he misses me?"
"Because he told me so. I hate that you guys are fighting over this."
"It's how it is."
"It doesn't have to be," Rory says firmly and, as Jess sighs, she leans over and says, "You should go talk to him."
"Why me?"
"Because Luke doesn't think there's any point coming here. He didn't say that but it was pretty clear."
"Maybe he's right," Jess says but falls silent as Rory retorts, "No, he's not. You know he's not. Jess, I think if you talked to Luke you could make up. He's your uncle."
"And say what?" Jess demands after a pause. "It's not like anything's changed. He'll yell at me for being here with you, for you taking a break from Yale. He blames me for everything."
"Just try," Rory says earnestly. "Please, Jess."
Her eyes are so hopeful that Jess finds himself nodding. "Okay. I'll talk to him."
"Thank you," Rory says, sighing with relief and smiles as Jess adds, "It probably won't do any good."
"At least you'd have tried."
Jess can't argue with that. He sits up, stretching, and asks, "What about you, Rory? Are you going to talk to Lorelai?"
Rory's firmness deflates as she shrugs. "Maybe."
Jess looks at her but she doesn't say anything else. He thinks about pushing more, reminding Rory of everything she just said to him. Jess can tell how sad she is. But Rory sits up as well, swinging her legs out of bed and says, "I'm going to make us some coffee."
That night, after work, Jess decides to drive to see Luke. No time like the present, right? He can see how it'll go already - mutual yelling and a side of bitterness - but at least then he can tell Rory he gave it a shot. Plus if he goes now, Jess won't spend days overthinking what to say. He puts on one of his more presentable shirts along with some jeans before starting up his rusty car. It groans into life, allowing Jess to coax it onto the road and slowly out of the city. Jess holds his breath the whole way, stupidly afraid that if he relaxes it'll stall, but the car makes it to Stars Hollow relatively smoothly. Jess has just cut the engine and got out when he almost bumps headfirst into Lorelai. They stare, stunned, and Jess curses himself. He was so frantic about the car that he neglected to think about who he might run into.
"You," Lorelai says and Jess doesn't think she'd find it witty if he says me. He braces himself, waiting for the yelling and teardown, but Lorelai just asks, "What are you doing here?"
Jess shrugs. "Not much."
"Rory's not with you?" Lorelai asks, looking around and Jess shakes his head.
"She's working."
Lorelai nods, falling silent again. She has an awful expression but isn't saying anything and Jess wishes she would. It would be better for her just to yell and storm off rather than stare at him like this. Finally she says, "I want to say some stuff to you."
Without elaborating she turns and starts walking back down the street and, after waiting for a moment, Jess follows her. She walks back down the street and around a corner and Jess figures they're heading back to her house. Upon reaching it, he swallows, wondering if this is such a smart idea, but then Lorelai is opening the door and Jess walks in behind her, slowly closing the door. Lorelai dumps her keys on the counter and goes over to the refrigerator, getting out two cans.
"Soda?" she offers and Jess accepts it, feeling furtive. Lorelai sits at the table and Jess sinks down opposite her, slowly opening the can. Suddenly he remembers the time she gave him the soda with the lemon in it, back when he cleared her raingutters. Jess hadn't even wanted the drink but he took it to make Rory happy. That day feels like fifty years ago. Jess takes a gulp of soda, trying not to cough. It's bizarre being back in the Gilmore house. When was he last here? A year ago, maybe more? He and Rory would always go to Luke's. He wants to go and glance inside Rory's room, just to see it, but somehow doubts Lorelai would be receptive to that suggestion.
Jess sips some more, waiting, and finally Lorelai says, "Is Rory okay?"
"Rory's fine."
"She wants to quit school," Lorelai says, her eyes flashing. "That's not okay."
Here it comes. Lorelai stares at Jess furiously and says, "When she told me she was going with you I wanted to kill you. It was going to involve hedgeclippers - dull ones."
"I'm honoured."
"Glad to hear it," Lorelai snaps. "Why did you do it? Why did you ask her to go?"
"I love her," Jess says quietly. "I wanted to be with her."
Lorelai sits up, seeming surprised that Jess's response isn't laced with sarcasm, but her voice is just as angry as she says, "If you love her you shouldn't have left. Do you know how devastated she was last year? Rory hardly kept it together. She did because she's Rory, she always does, but I could see how hurt she was. You made her miss her prom. And do you want to know what I told her?"
Jess has a feeling he'll hear either way and is proved right as Lorelai ploughs on, "I told her you were just a guy. That every girl has a boyfriend like you but it's not forever. She had her whole life ahead of her and she did. And then you came back."
"So if I hadn't come back she'd be happy, right?"
"If you hadn't come back she'd be getting ready for her next year of Yale. She wouldn't be mixed up and confused like this."
Jess can't help snorting and Lorelai narrows her eyes.
"Tell me Jess, what's so funny about that? I know it's all big joke to you -"
"It is not a joke to me," Jess says loudly. Lorelai stares, surprised and Jess takes a breath.
"It was never a joke to me," he says seriously. "Never."
"You broke Rory's heart."
"I know," Jess says quietly. "But I still loved her. I asked her to go because I love her."
Jess looks up to see Lorelai still staring at him. She seems as uncomfortable as he does; this is off-script for them. Most interactions have been of the shouting and sarcastic variety and neither pretend anything else. Jess can only think of one conversation where they weren't mad or forcedly polite, and that again was when he came over to clean the gutters. He took the weird soda and the lunch, both for Rory's sake, and tried to make conversation and to his surprise almost ended up enjoying it. He and Lorelai had actually smiled, or practically had. It had been going cautiously well until Rory came home frantic over her bracelet and then he and Lorelai were back at square one again.
"If you love her tell her to go back to school,"Lorelai says finally and Jess tightens his grip around the soda can, welcoming the metallic cool.
"It's her choice."
"She wouldn't be in this predicament if you hadn't asked her to leave!" Lorelai exclaims and Jess bites back his urge to retort, You know what else she'd be doing? Screwing Dean!
"I didn't ask her to quit school," Jess says instead. "Rory just decided it. She said her life feels too planned."
Lorelai lets out a snort but it sounds closer to a sob. "She said that?"
Jess bites his lip. Lorelai looks ready to burst int tears and Jess shifts uncomfortably, wishing she'd just tell him she hated him instead. He gulps the rest of his soda for something to do.
"I think she's mixed up," Jess says carefully and Lorelai angrily rubs her eyes.
"I can guess why that is."
"I forgot that everything going wrong in Rory's life is my fault," Jess remarks recklessly and Lorelai's eyes narrow. Now they're back to their usual pattern.
"You bail on her, tell her you love her, bail again and then ask her to run away with you and live in some squalid apartment. You're not winning any prizes here, Jess."
"Rory wanted to go," Jess retorts. "She wouldn't have gone if she didn't want to."
Lorelai glares at him and Jess thinks back to when they were together the first time, before that, how it was all his fault in Lorelai's eyes, any impulsiveness on Rory's part, any mistake she made. She probably wishes Jess had never set foot in Stars Hollow and Rory could stay frozen at sixteen forever. Lorelai thinks Jess corrupted Rory, he knows. Silently Jess wonders what her reaction would be to knowing perfect Dean was ready to cheat with her. Probably Lorelai wouldn't believe him - everyone has a blind spot when it comes to Dean.
"Rory isn't smart about everything," Lorelai says eventually. "Especially not when it comes to you."
"Gee, thanks."
"I tried cutting you slack when you came," Lorelai starts to say but without thinking Jess exclaims, "Oh, please!"
"Oh please what?"
"You hated me since I got here!"
"No, I tried to give you a chance," Lorelai says angrily. "I was friendly to you, I invited you to dinner and you took a beer from my fridge and I didn't even bust you for it. Remember that? I told you that this place could be great if you gave it a chance and Luke was a great guy and you had the charm to inform me I was naive, ask if I was sleeping with him and told me to Doctor Laura someone else. Funnily enough, I didn't feel quite as cheery around you after that."
Jess stares down at the now-empty can. What was he supposed to say? He remembers that night too, vividly. This lady he'd never met saying all this junk, or what sounded like it to him, about how thankful he should be. Thankful! His mother had just dumped him in some terrifying social experiment with some uncle he barely knew, away from his entire life, and Jess was supposed to feel happy about that? And Lorelai's earnestness had reminded Jess of Liz, that stupid look she'd get when she was seeing someone new. Jess could read Lorelai as clearly as a book - she was so into his uncle it was embarrassing. Admittedly, Jess feels embarrassed looking back at how he spoke to her - he knows he was kind of an ass - but he couldn't stand feeling so spoken down to. But he could see the grudge radiating through her after that and didn't want to give her the pleasure of an apology. Lorelai would probably have just laughed.
"But it wasn't just that," Lorelai says, breaking Jess from his thoughts. "And I don't mean your daily black cloud of Holden Caulfield cheer. There was the time you got my daughter into a car wreck, the time you stole her bracelet, the time you got her to go to New York and miss school and my graduation and all the general hell you put Luke through every day, when all he tried to do was help you."
"I didn't ask for his help," Jess can't help saying and Lorelai snaps, "But you needed it. You're so mad at the world, mad at your life but you're not doing anything to make it better. And when people try and help you push them away!"
Jess feels his stomach clench. He was ready to argue - ready to counter that the crash and Rory missing school weren't his fault - but the last part has caught him unexpectedly. He knows he needed Luke's help, back then, and Jess misses it now, but he can't say it. He just stares at Lorelai wordlessly and she says, "What, no quip?"
"I'm trying," Jess says roughly. "I don't care if you hate me but I love Rory and I'm trying. I'm not going to hurt her."
"You already hurt her," Lorelai says quietly. "You hurt her when you left."
"I won't now."
"And I'm supposed to just believe that? Even before you were together you were making trouble for her and Dean. Did you ever tell her you took her bracelet?"
Jess doesn't respond. He stirred things up for Rory and Dean, he'll admit that, but taking the bracelet wasn't part of it. Jess took it because it was Rory's and he wanted something of hers, something to make him think of her. He never knew Dean made it for her. When Lorelai called him on it Jess was hardly going to tell her that. Instead he reminded her that Rory hadn't noticed it was missing and Lorelai got mad because it was true.
"I know I've screwed up some stuff," Jess says. "But I'm not going to mess this up, I swear. I just want to be with Rory."
Lorelai looks at him for a long moment and says, "Part of me wants to just hate you and honestly, most of the time that's pretty easy."
"Shocker."
"Let me finish. I know you love her, Jess. I know that's not just a line. And I believe you when you say you're trying, but I worry. I'm her mom. She has her whole life ahead of her and you have a habit of shaking it up."
"She can think for herself."
"I know she can - but she's more reckless with you. And do you know how many times I've pictured her coming home and telling me she's pregnant?"
"She's not pregnant," Jess says quickly and Lorelai sighs.
"But she's with you and I'm guessing it's not chaste."
Jess doesn't think anything he'll say would be a good answer so settles for nothing and Lorelai says, "I'm not naive, Jess, despite what you said that time. She told me she was thinking about it with you, last year, and I got as used to that idea as much as I could. But then you left and she moved on, and I did too, and now you're back in her life and she's living with you and it's all happened so fast, and I'm fighting with her. I lost Rory."
"You didn't lose Rory," Jess says boldly and Lorelai raises her eyebrows.
"We've barely spoken all summer."
"She misses you."
"Doesn't seem like it."
"She does," Jess promises, and is suddenly aware of Rory's words about Luke to him. "She didn't want to hurt you."
"She did," Lorelai says quietly. "And maybe I hurt her but I'm scared for her."
She looks away, pretending there's something in her eye, and Jess squeezes the can in his hand until it crumples. He doesn't know what the hell to say.
"She's so young," Lorelai says eventually. "I just want what's best for her."
"I know," Jess says quietly. Rory is lucky for someone to love her so much, he thinks. Jess was always a little jealous of Rory for that, having a mom like Lorelai. He had Liz who fell apart and sent him to Luke and Rory had Lorelai who pulled it together for her. Not that he's going to tell Lorelai that. Instead, Jess pushes his chair back slightly and says, "I was going to talk to Luke..."
"Right," Lorelai says, shaking herself and smiling when Jess says, "You're dating him now, I hear."
"That's right," Lorelai says. She sounds almost shy, a way Jess has never seen her before. "It's good."
Jess nods, giving her a real smile but it fades as Lorelai says, "Jess - I just don't want Rory to regret this."
Jess looks up, hesitates and finally says, "I know you don't like her being reckless with me, but that's Rory too. Sometimes she has that in her, and it's not because of me."
He looks at Lorelai cautiously and she surprises him by saying, "Of course I know that, Jess. She's my daughter. Why do you think I'm so nervous?"
Lorelai walks with Jess to the door and watches as he leaves. She starts to say, "Tell Rory I - never mind," but Jess thinks he knows what she wanted to say. He just gives a kind of nod and heads down the street.
The diner is closed now but Jess can see Luke working on some accounts through the glass. Slowly, he reaches up to where the spare key is kept and opens the door, making Luke jump.
"Jess - jeez, what the hell! You knock on a locked door, you don't open it!"
"I figured the key was still there."
"That's not the point," Luke scolds. Uncle and nephew take each other in for a moment, their fight from before hanging between them. Silently, Luke slices Jess a piece of pie and Jess nods in thanks as he takes it. Luke gives him gruff smile and Jess relaxes as he eats. It feels okay between them. Luke takes the empty plate as Jess says, "I just talked to Lorelai."
"Seriously?" Luke asks doubtfully. "Well, you're still in one piece."
"Surprised me too."
"What did she talk you about?"
"You can guess," Jess says, settling onto a stool. "How I was the resident jerk of Stars Hollow, messed everything up for Rory. She blames me for it all."
Luke sighs and Jess says, "It wasn't my fault."
To his horror, out of nowhere tears are starting in his eyes and before he can duck his gaze Luke is around the counter putting an arm around him.
"Jess! Hey, it's okay."
"I made sure she was okay," Jess says roughly. "That time in the car. And I never asked her to miss school. I know I've hurt her, I messed up, but..."
"I know. I know. It's alright."
"I came back to tell her," Jess says and as Luke hugs him Jess lets him believe it's his whole thought. He doesn't tell Luke he left because he wasn't good enough for Rory, that he was too scared to try. He was scared she'd judge him. Jess let that whole fear push him away from her.
"I'm sorry," Jess says and Luke pats his back, looking into Jess's eyes.
"I know. I'm sorry too."
Jess lets Luke hug him. They are silent for a moment before Luke steps back and gently, "Jess, Lorelai doesn't hate you."
"She told me she didn't."
"Really?" Luke says in surprise. "Huh. You know, when you first arrived in Stars Hollow you kind of reminded me of Lorelai."
"Did a bag of potatoes fall on your head before I came in here?"
"I'm serious, wise guy. You both have that quick wit thing going, you're both way too proud and you're both very independent. But when either of you get mad you build a wall."
Jess stares and finally says, "You been reading that self-help book again?"
"See what I mean? There's that wit. But hey, that book helped me. Didn't it help you?"
"I guess," Jess allows and Luke nods.
"I still wish you hadn't asked Rory to go though. You're so young."
"That's everyone's favourite description of us. I'd rather be young and do something than be too scared of doing anything. How long did it take you and Lorelai?"
"Hey!"
"Just saying!" Jess protests and Luke shakes his head.
"There's ways about it, Jess! And I mean it - you're young. You're brave enough to try something with Rory, why not try it with other things? You're so smart. Rory told me how you've been writing. Why -?"
"Rory told you what?" Jess interrupts. He sits up and Luke frowns as he says, "She just told me you've been writing in a notebook and it's great. I'm sure she's a better judge than me. Why don't you try school again?"
"I've got to go," Jess says abruptly, getting up and as Luke protests, "Jess!" he exclaims,
"I'm leaving. Just because I'm not running my life the way you want doesn't make it a failure."
"Hey! All I'm saying is that if you're writing -"
"Forget my writing!"
Jess throws the key on the counter, slamming the door. He drives back to New York utterly incensed and upon seeing Rory says furiously, "You told Luke about my notebook?"
"Jess, I just wanted him to be proud of you," Rory exclaims. "He should be - he should know how smart you are."
"That's my decision, that's my stuff. It's private and you had no right to blab about it to Luke."
Rory's eyes fill with hurt but Jess is too mad to feel sorry and he snaps, "I'm surprised you didn't tell Lorelai. You tell her everything else, right?"
"Is it so wrong to be proud of what you can do?"
"It wasn't your thing to tell," Jess says angrily. "I guess Lorelai never taught you that."
"Not fair!"
"Whatever - I'm going out."
Turning around, Jess slams the door in Rory's stunned and hurt face and storms into the night.