(5 months ago)

There was a little baby girl with big eyes and a shock of red hair, swaddled in her favorite blanket, in Sasuke's arms. She reached out with her soft, little baby hands and he let her take a hold of his finger. Sakura could see that he was brimming. He looked so serene, so soft, so warm. Her heart fluttered at the sight of him−of them−of him, cradling a child in his arms. He held the lump of human flesh closer to his face, his nose skimming soft rosy cheeks. He whispered something that didn't reach his wife, but it made the baby laugh.

Sasuke wanted kids, she knew. He never said as much, but she knew. Sasuke never asked for anything; he was content with what she was willing to give. And she has debated with herself for a long time about it, whether she was willing to give this to him and sacrifice nine months of her time during the peak of her career, but…

"Do you want to hold her?" he asked, never taking his eyes off the little girl. She declined politely by pecking his lips before excusing herself from the room. She hoped he tasted the apology on her lips.

Maybe it was fear. Fear that she didn't know how to be a mother because she herself did not have a mother when she was growing up. Fear that being pregnant would make her more of a woman and lower her status in the workplace. Or maybe it wasn't fear at all, but reluctance. Maybe she just didn't want children, for no reason. Maybe it didn't have anything to do with her past or her career, and she just didn't want them. And there was nothing wrong with that! It didn't make her less woman, more monster. It didn't change anything about her as a person.

"Sakura-chan!"

She turned around, realizing that she had been so deep in thought that she didn't hear Naruto's footsteps following her out to the front porch of his home. She pushed her thoughts of motherhood and let her happiness for her brother come through. "So you're taking in strays again," she joked.

"Do you like her?"

"She's wonderful, Naruto," she said, her voice growing softer. Because even though she didn't want to have kids, or liked kids in general, she adored her niece. "And Sasuke is absolutely smitten."

He scoffed. "Yeah. I didn't think he had it in him to be so−" he paused, as if trying to look for the right word to describe his best friend, but he couldn't.

"I know," she sighed in agreement, though she wasn't really surprised at how gentle he was. Her husband could be cold and callous, yet he was compassionate and tender. She smirked inwardly; a piece of work, was what he was.

There was silence. There was something bothering her brother, she could see. He was antsy. He fiddled with his fingers and bounced on the balls of his feet, his teeth chattering. Then, "Do you think… do you think I can do this? Do you think it was right for Gaara and I to…? I mean, god, Sakura, I'm responsible for a human now−two fucking humans!"

She laughed. "Naruto, you will be fine. You and Gaara? She's the luckiest girl in the world to have you two as her parents! Not to mention−" she scoffed, jerking a thumb to her chest, "she also has cool aunt Sakura!"

The anxiety flooded out of his expression and his scared blue eyes softened. He took a step towards her and wrapped his arms around her tightly, so tightly she couldn't breathe. "Thanks," he muttered. He kissed her on both cheeks before tilting his head down to look directly into her eyes. "What about you? Everything okay with you and Teme?"

Her brows furrowed. She was about to ask why he would ask such a thing, when she remembered just who she was talking to. He was her brother but he was also Sasuke's best friend, and they've known each other far longer. He was as much a brother to Naruto as she was his sister. Sasuke trusted him more than anyone in the world and Naruto knew things even Sakura didn't. It was only natural that her husband would confide in him. So there was no point in denying it. Naruto was her person as much as he was Sasuke's, and he knew her just as well.

"I don't know," she admitted. "There's too much going on−with my hospital, his firm, we just… we're tired."

There was silence, neither of them knowing what to say. This was the first time she had said it out loud. The first time she acknowledged that there was something wrong, that maybe she didn't have the energy to fix it and keep them together. This was… the beginning of the end.

"Do you still love him?" he asked, and she winced at the sadness in his voice.

She hesitated. "I don't think love is enough."

.

Sasuke made dinner that evening. For the first time in months, he wasn't juggling his phone and laptop. The smell of fried fish and sauteed vegetables welcomed Sakura as she came home from a ten-hour surgery.

She wondered if he knew, if he could sense it somehow. She wondered if this was for her, if he was trying to make her waver… because she swore she almost did. Almost.

"Do you want a baby?" she blurted out just as she swallowed her first bite.

Across the table from her, he made a choking sound, even though his chopsticks were only halfway up to his empty mouth. He lowered his hand and opted for a glass of water. He swallowed audibly, and he didn't look at her when he answered, simply, "I'm not asking you for anything."

She pursed her lips. She nodded, an understandable statement, an expected one from him. She continued to eat, then nonchalantly threw in, "We could've had a baby once." She paused, gauging his reaction. He stiffened, shocked. "A week before graduation, I found out I was pregnant. I took pills the day before I left for Suna."

Another pregnant pause. She could see the gears in his brain working, churning her words and making sense of them. He was deep in thought and she knew he was thinking back to those days, tracing their steps and trying to remember the circumstances of those times. His hand twitched slightly and she knew he found what he was looking for. "The day you took me to Itachi's grave."

Several emotions overtook his tired, beautiful features all at once−hurt, anger, understanding… She had half-expected him to lash out at her, but he didn't. Instead, he breathed out, deeply and heavily. "I'm sorry," he said solemnly. "I'm sorry you went through that on your own."

She didn't know how they got to this point. But she knew she had something to do with it. There was a distance between them, a distance that she had allowed to get bigger and bigger. All because she was scared. But the thing was, he didn't do anything to close that gap, to try to keep her by his side. Sasuke never asked for anything, he was content with what she was willing to give. So she knew he wouldn't make her stay when she wanted to go. He would not fight for her when she herself had no more fight left in her.

"Sasuke, I love you," she said, looking more sorry than in love.

His eyes snapped to hers. For second, she thought he might just say it back. But instead, he popped a tomato into his mouth and nodded. "I know."

She loved him and she knew he loved her just as much. But they weren't happy. How was it possible to be in love and unhappy? How was it possible to be in love and miserable?

"Sasuke," she said again.

"What is it, Sakura?"

"I want a divorce."

"... I know."

And they continued to eat in silence.