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Jess yawns, stretching out the crick in his neck. His back is killing him and he's not even halfway through his shift. A plate slips in his hand into the steaming water and Jess grits his teeth, lifting it up and spraying water all over his shirt.
"What's with you, man?"
"Nothing."
"You keep screwing up," Brad remarks and Jess shrugs, unable to deny it. His brain won't shut up. Ever since talking to Rory yesterday about what they're going to do after summer Jess can't focus, but the part his mind most goes to is her question. What would we do if I got pregnant? For a second Jess legitimately thought he was having a heart attack and even though she's not, and it was just a conversation, his heart still thuds, panicking with each beat. What would he do if Rory got pregnant? Fuck! Jess manages to wash a dish without incident before casually asking, "What would you do if you got someone pregnant?"
It's Brad's turn to drop a plate. He turns and stares at Jess and says, "You knocked up Miss Yale?"
"No!" Jess exclaims. "I was asking rhetorically...never mind."
"Dust in the wind," Brad says a few moments later and Jess is lost for a second before remembering the topic, then shakes his head.
"I couldn't do that to Rory."
Jess couldn't do that to anyone. He's never had to consider it, as far as he knows, but he knows he'd never do that, leave the girl to deal with their mess. To run out on Rory is unthinkable. He already feels guilty enough for leaving like he did last year, and abandoning Rory this way would be even worse. Jess looks at Brad and says, "You'd just leave? That's a real dick move."
Brad shrugs, suds sopping around his hands.
"I don't know, man. I just know I'm not ready to become a father."
Like Jess is. He finishes up his plate and Brad looks over at him.
"Why are you getting into that, anyway? You sure she's not?"
"Yes. Just forget it."
"You're not going to have any fun getting laid if you're thinking about that."
"Yeah, yeah. It's fine - like I said, forget it."
Brad nods, washes a couple more plates and then snorts with laughter.
"What?" Jess asks irritably and the pit in his stomach grows as Brad says, "Picturing you and Miss Yale with a baby."
Jess tells him to shut up and to his enormous relief, Brad actually does. Jess walks home in the slipping night heat, the wheels in his brain still spinning. What the hell would they do? Honestly, he'd want Rory to have an abortion - as if they could raise a kid right now. He can barely take care of himself! But it's her call, it has to be, and if she wanted it...God knows how they'd figure it out. What the hell do they know about being parents? Rory at least has Lorelai, even if she has a jerk for a dad, and Jess has a whackjob for a mother and essentially a ghost for a father. Real frames of references there. He could never walk out on his kid, that much he knows. Forgetting the fact that he couldn't hurt Rory like that, Jess knows how it feels for a dad to walk out. He can't remember it but that's almost worse - like Jimmy took one look at him and decided to bolt. He wasn't worth hanging around for from the second he was born. If Jess did have to become a father, he'd try - he knows he'd screw a lot of stuff up - but he'd stick around for his kid. He'd never leave anyone, if he loved them or not, and he definitely loves Rory. He can't imagine the reality of a child.
Jess's ankle collides with a bench, shocking him back to reality. What the hell is going on - Rory's not pregnant so why is he getting sucked into this vortex of potential fatherhood? Damn, why did she just casually drop it into conversation like that? Now Jess can't get it out of his head. Pain is ricocheting up his foot and continues to throb as he walks back. Jess's step is slow, but it's not the pain. He doesn't feel ready to go back yet. Jess remembers when they'd just moved in together, how he was impatient in every second spent apart from Rory. He couldn't get close enough to her. He loves her, Jess loves her so much it hurts, but there's a streak of reality which wasn't there before. He loves the concept of taking a roadtrip but knows it wouldn't work. He doesn't know what they're going to do after summer and that scares him almost as much as Rory telling him she's pregnant.
Finally, Jess walks up the stairs to the apartment. Rory is reading at the table, some sandwiches on a plate and a percolator of coffee beside it. Jess is so thankful at the sight that he instantly takes back all the trepidation of before. Sinking into the other chair, he takes a sandwich and eats almost all of it in one bite, closing his eyes.
"Hungry?" Rory asks, amused and Jess chuckles through the crumbs.
"You could say that."
He takes another sandwich and Rory picks one up too, eating with slightly more reserve, her face illuminated by the lamp on the table. Rory's hair is almost as long as it was when Jess first met her, more than two years ago, but she looks different. She even looks different to last year. Absently, Jess scratches his ear and feels his own hair tickle it, growing down the back of his neck. He needs to cut his before a haircut gets more expensive than it already is. Jess wonders if he looks different to Rory, length of hair aside, but decides not to ask her - he's not sure what answer he wants to hear. Instead, Jess asks about her day and Rory tells him about the cafe and the soda machine malfunctioning.
"But it was light on the jerks," she says happily. "So not all bad."
"Good to hear."
They talk easily back and forth, finishing the sandwiches. Rory asks Jess about the restaurant but he keeps his answers short and simple, not mentioning his conversation with Brad. He doesn't want to go back to that area of discussion. There's nothing else to do once they've cleaned the kitchen - as much as the kitchen can actually be cleaned - so they head to bed early. Jess tries to settle on the sunken mattress, and has just found a good position when Rory gets in beside him, forcing him to land on some lumps. Jess groans with a laugh but shakes his head when Rory asks him what's wrong.
"Nothing - doesn't matter." Jess lifts up his book but loses concentration after just a few sentences, and a look at Rory shows she's not too engrossed either. Their eyes meet as Rory glances up and she smiles sheepishly back at Jess.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"I was thinking," Rory says slowly, "that if I went back to school, you could always come with me. I mean - not to Yale of course, but maybe we could live in New Haven?"
Jess shifts uncomfortably. He knows New Haven. He's never lived there but he's driven through it and read up on it - when Rory was going to Yale he looked up the distance from Stars Hollow so he could figure out going to see her. He can't say the town itself was totally sold on him. Jess is happy that Rory is at least reconsidering school, but what the hell's he going to do in New Haven? There's nothing there. Still, maybe that shouldn't bother him, he silently remarks to himself. It's not as if he's doing much here either. All the same, Jess hesitates and Rory frowns.
"What?"
"Nothing...just thinking about it."
Rory nods, sounding a little uneasy as she says, "Well, it's just an idea. I don't know if I'll go back."
"I think you should."
Rory nods again, looking lost. Jess can't stand it and he leans forward to kiss her, comforting himself as well as her. Rory kisses him back, putting her arms around him and they both laugh as the mattress sends their bodies caving into each other, hips colliding. Rory shifts so Jess is on top of her and they kiss more enthusiastically, their breath sharp. Jess feels himself harden as they kiss, his skin hot against hers as he helps Rory take off her tanktop and starts kissing her breasts. Rory sits up, reaching for Jess's boxers and for a second Jess stops.
"What?" Rory pants. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Jess says after a second. You're not going to have any fun getting laid if you're thinking about that. He focuses on kissing her again, tugging off his boxers before sliding down Rory's underwear. Since Rory went on the pill they don't bother with condoms, but Jess considers that maybe they should, just in case. The other part of him doesn't want to stop for something they probably don't even need. His brown eyes meet her blue and for a second they lock gaze. Jess is positive she's thinking what he's thinking but then she's kissing him again, pressing her body to his and Jess pushes inside her with a sigh. That shuts his mind up. They move and move, moaning into each other's mouths, and Rory lets out a cry as they finish, arching back.
"Hey," Jess says, still short on breath. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," Rory says. She smiles but her eyes are sad. Jess looks at her but Rory is untangling her body from his, and Jess does so reluctantly, missing her warmth as he slips out of her. Rory rolls onto her back, her brown hair tickling Jess's shoulder, but then she takes his hand. Jess kisses it, squeezing her fingers tightly as she turns to smile at him. Jess's heart fills as he smiles back, bumping his hip to hers. He can't imagine ever letting Rory go.