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Jess doesn't know how long he stands there, staring out of the window, after Rory leaves. He wants to chase after her. He wants to run to her, plead with her to stay, but he doesn't. Instead, Jess grips the sides of the sink where he stands, watching the night fall, and moves only when a car honks outside and breaks him from his stupor. He knows it won't be Rory but Jess looks outside anyway only to see some guy jump out of his car and swear at some other dude he nearly collided with. Letting them battle it out, Jess moves slowly away.

This can't have happened. It can't be over. Just this morning they slept together and drank coffee at the kitchen window, comfortable in the world they'd created. Rory got ready for work, Jess kissed her goodbye and then all hell broke loose. The dizzying relief Jess felt when the test was negative was wiped away almost instantly with Rory saying she had to leave. Jess yearns to catch up with her, tell her how much he loves her, but he doesn't. He knows she's right. If she'd been pregnant they'd have been screwed. Jess would be there, whatever happened, but they were lucky. And now what? You can love someone more than anything but it doesn't mean it's enough. Jess hates himself for putting that hurt in Rory's eyes. He knows New Haven would be a mistake, but the expression on Rory's face nearly made him change his mind. Would a better guy have gone? Or is he just deluding himself? Either way, Rory's gone. The person Jess cares for most in this life has gone, he's hurt her, again, wrecked it again, and Jess hates himself. He can't bear the pain starting to sear through him and furiously swings a fist at the wall.

"Fuck!"

Instantly Jess knows he's an idiot for a different reason. Cradling his hand, Jess cautiously tries moving his fingers. Nothing seems broken but it hurts like hell. If Rory was here she'd tell him to put ice on it, but Jess welcomes the throbbing ache. It's distracting him from missing her. Still, as the pain increases, Jess wishes he'd hit the wall with a little less force. Opening the refrigerator with his spare hand, Jess carefully gets out a bottle of beer. He drinks it where he stands in barely two minutes and gets out another and then, deciding not to fool himself, retrieves the rest. Jess ferries the bottles over to the table where he sits, twisting off the tops and steadily drinking. It doesn't take long for a pleasant dullness starts to spread through him. It helps the numb the pain both from punching the wall and from Rory leaving. He wonders what she's doing now. She must be nearing Stars Hollow, if not already there. It feels like a lifetime ago since Jess asked her to go with him, and they drove away in the night. He should have never have asked her to go. Thinking about that brings the pain back and Jess takes a big swig of beer, and another. He only stops when he reaches for a bottle and misses, hand swaying across the table. To say he's drunk too much is one hell of an understatement. Jess stares at the bottles, seeing them double back and forth as he blinks, and then pushes his chair back. Carefully, he gets up and makes a wavering route to the bedroom before falling diagonally across the bed. Closing his eyes, Jess gives into sleep with relief, the drinking dousing any chance of dreams.

Pain is what wakes Jess up but it's not from before. His head is pounding, the light in the room blinding and when Jess opens his eyes he instantly screws them shut again.

"Jesus!"

Jess can't move. His mouth is dry, tasting like a sandbox. The aridity reminds Jess of a hot night spent sleeping in his car somewhere in Iowa, and how he felt like he was in an oven. This is ten times worse. He'd had a bottle of water, even if he had to ration it, and at least his head didn't feel like there was a jackhammer in it. Rory would not be impressed.

Thinking of her isn't helping the sick sensation in his stomach. Jess wrenches his thoughts away from her. Water will help. He just has to make it to the refrigerator. Slowly, Jess gets up onto unsteady legs but after two steps he knows the kitchen is too far. Clapping a hand over his mouth, he moves to the bathroom instead and not a second too soon. Jess hasn't even fully knelt down before vomit is hurling out of him, thankfully into the toilet. He's sick three times before shakily lifting his head. God, he's a moron. What did he drink like that for? Liz drinks like that. Jess draws a shaky breath, not wishing to linger on her, and his eyes catch sight of Rory's toothbrush which she left behind. There's also a box of sanitary towels in the corner. At first she was so shy about leaving them out, not that Jess really cared, and then at some point Rory got more comfortable. It was like that, Jess thinks. They were awkward at first, him and her, stumbling around what to say. And then one day it was almost like they'd lived together for years. Why can't Jess remember the exact moment? Why didn't he pay more attention? If he'd tried, maybe he'd have stopped it all from falling apart. But he messed up, like he always does, and now Rory's gone for good. Another wave of vomit comes and Jess doesn't fight it. He's sick several more times before weakly lying on the bathroom floor. He doesn't care that he can't remember when he last cleaned it. Closing his eyes, Jess drifts off until he wakes with a coughing fit. His mouth tastes worse than a sandbox now. Getting up, Jess manages to wash his face and brush his teeth without mishap. This time, he makes it to the refrigerator where he gets a bottle of water, the icy taste merciful in his throat. Once he finishes it, Jess notices his cellphone on the table and, heart clenching, checks it. Nothing. He starts dialling Rory's number, desperate to hear her voice, and then Jess stops, putting the phone down. It's going to be last year all over again where she answers, he hangs up, in an endless loop, until one of them says something. And what's Jess going to say? His thoughts are interrupted by a banging on the door. Jess wonders if it's Lorelai with a pitchfork. He's not so sure he'd stop her.

"Jess! Open up, it's Luke."

His uncle's voice is muffled through the door. Jess hesitates, considering not answering. Presumably Luke would eventually give up, but then what? Luke would come back and besides, what's Jess so eager to avoid? Luke can't make him feel worse than he already does. Jess gets to his feet, wincing at the sudden movement and goes over to the door. He opens it to see Luke wearing an expression of more concern than anger and he says bluntly, "Jess, you look like hell."

"Gee, thanks."

Luke follows Jess into the apartment, a box of food in his arms. and sits down at the table, wrinkling his nose. He puts the box on the table and Jess pushes it more to the side. The sight of food isn't helping his nausea.

"What's that smell?"

"Drank a little too much." Jess needs a shower too, his shirt from last night sticking to his chest.

"A lot too much," Luke remarks and then he exclaims, "What happened to your hand?"

Jess had forgotten about it and glances down to see bruises peppering the knuckles.

"I hit a wall," he says blankly and Luke says, "I'm assuming you mean literally."

Jess doesn't smile. He stares down at his hand and shakes his head when Luke says, "It looks bad."

"It's fine," Jess says in a tight voice. "Nothing's broken."

"Are you okay?" Luke asks but Jess doesn't reply. He clenches his sore hand and hears his uncle sigh.

"Jess, I'm sorry about that Rory left."

"Lorelai's threatening to kill me, huh?" Jess asks. He tries to sound light and doesn't fully succeed. Luke sighs again.

"I don't know exactly what happened," he says and Jess looks back up. "I only know Rory came home. Lorelai came into the diner this morning, saying she wanted to bring Rory breakfast and she'd got back last night, and that you two weren't together. I don't think Rory was up to coming into the diner."

"Does Lorelai know what happened?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"

Luke's tone is gentle but Jess still hesitates.

"Jess, come on."

"It wasn't working," Jess says eventually. "I wanted it to, but...everything was okay. Kind of. And then..." Jess stops, unsure if he should admit it, but he's too tired to care. "Rory thought she was pregnant."

"What?" Luke's voice is so loud Jess feels it reverberate through his skull and he exclaims, "Jeez!"

"You got her pregnant?" Luke demands, getting to his feet. "I warned you, if you don't take responsibility right now I'll -"

"She isn't pregnant!" Jess exclaims, his head aching. "She took a test and it was negative."

Luke sinks back down into the chair, still not looking happy.

"How could you be so stupid?" he asks. "You know how this stuff works."

"That the technical term?"

"Don't get smart with me. I thought you knew enough to be careful."

"We were," Jess protests weakly. "Mostly."

Luke snorts but he doesn't seem as angry as before.

"You promise she's not pregnant?"

"Yes. I swear. But can you do me a favour and not tell Lorelai? I want to live to my next birthday."

"Rory will tell her," Luke says seriously. "Lorelai won't hear it from me but I don't think Rory will keep it secret from her. Those two tell each other everything."

Not everything, Jess wants to argue, but he shrugs. He and Luke are silent for a moment until Luke asks, "So she left because of that?"

"It wasn't just that," Jess says honestly. "We didn't have a plan. Rory hated waitressing, living here. She wanted to move someplace new and I...we were kidding ourselves. We wanted it to work."

Jess waits and then says, "This is the part where you say you told me it'd end up like this."

"I'm not saying that, Jess."

"You're thinking it."

"Jess. I just want to hear what happened."

"That is what happened. Rory decided to go back to school, you'll be happy to know. She asked me to go with her and I said no."

Saying the words out loud hurts and, for a horrible moment, Jess is sure he's going to cry. He swallows hard and says, "She thought I could enroll on some course in New Haven, live with her there."

"And you turned her down."

"Where's going to take me?" Jess asks angrily. "A community college, maybe, but Luke, even if I could go to another college, I can't. It's not what I want to do. I want Rory to go back to school, that's where she's meant to be. But I'm not meant to be there."

"So where are you supposed to be?"

"I don't know," Jess says sincerely. He feels like he's going to cry again. "I ruined everything. I didn't want to hurt her."

"Jess."

"Just tell me I'm an idiot, would you?"

"You love her," Luke says and Jess nods. It's not a question. Jess looks at Luke and says furiously, "Yell at me. Say all the stuff you're thinking. That I should never have asked her to go, that I'm a loser, that I was never good enough of her. Just say it!"

"I'm not going to say it," Luke tells him. His eyes are soft as he says, "I don't think you should have asked her to go, and maybe both of you were a little stupid, but I don't think the rest."

Jess shakes his head. "You kept saying she shouldn't have gone with me, that she should be doing more."

"Rory's in Yale."

"And I'm here."

"Jess. "

"It's true, right?"

"Your lives are different," Luke says slowly. "It doesn't mean you can't do something great."

Rory's similar words sound in Jess's mind and a lump forms in his throat.

"If she hadn't taken that test..."

"Then all your problems would have gone away?" Luke asks drily. "Come on, Jess."

"I wish I'd gone with her," Jess says abruptly. "Even if I'd hate New Haven I'd be with Rory."

"You said there's nothing there for you."

"There's her."

Luke sighs, looking tired, and Jess feels uncomfortable, like when he was given a talk during living over the diner.

"You need to figure out what you want to do," Luke says eventually. "And that process isn't always fun, or exactly how you want it, but you need a plan that's going to work. And Jess, I know you love Rory, but what would you do in New Haven? I think if you did sit down and study whatever it was you wanted to do you could do it, but you said it yourself, you know that's not for you."

"I could have found a job."

"And then what?"

Jess shrugs and Luke leans forward. "I believe in being there for people," he says. "I think if you commit to something, you commit, but you've got to see the big picture - jeez, that sounds hokey, but you get what I'm saying."

Jess nods and Luke goes on, "I don't think you'd be happy there. I know you love Rory but I think you'd be miserable, and she'd be miserable because you were miserable, and neither of those things are great for a relationship. Neither of you would be happy. Correct me if this is sounding wrong."

Jess can't. It's all the reasons he didn't want to go with Rory but he says insistently, "I want to be with her."

"Jess, you and Rory are so young. Don't look at me like that, it's true. You've both got some growing up to do but what's to stop you figuring it out when you're older?"

"It's not now," Jess says stubbornly. He knows he sounds as young as Luke says but in that moment he doesn't care, and his uncle puts his hand on his arm.

"Time goes a lot faster than you think. Right now isn't forever."

Jess nods, unable to speak. He doesn't need to be reminded that right now doesn't last. Right now was yesterday morning, when he and Rory were in bed together. Jess was making love to her and now he might never touch her again. He already misses her blue eyes, her smile, all of Rory. He doesn't voice such thoughts to Luke but manages to say, "I shouldn't have asked her. It's hell, missing Rory like this."

Luke is silent and Jess glances up, feeling suddenly shy at admitting it all.

"Don't get me wrong," Luke says. "I don't think it was that smart to ask her, and for you two to live like this, but you knew you loved her. I'm with Lorelai, I'm all in, but do you know how many years it took me to wake up and tell her? I'd hint here and there, hope a lot, but neither of us did anything about it. We were scared. I guess you're safer if you never take a chance but you don't live much either."

"Hey," Jess says, a little thrown by the seriousness. "You've never been into the whole bucket list thing - I didn't think big risks were your thing."

"I guess not," Luke says thoughtfully. "Never had an urge to jump out of an airplane, but I personally think the whole thing is kind of dumb and I'm not desperate to try it. But I live a safe life...my parents weren't exactly adventurous but they never made changes, never communicated, and they died young. How did staying the same help them? I said I was going to be more responsible, know what I was doing, but I hold onto things too much sometimes. Change is a lot for me. I made my dad's hardware store into a diner and that was the biggest risk I took for over a decade."

"It's a great diner," Jess says and then instantly cringes at himself. It was supposed to be encouraging and came out stupid, but Luke laughs.

"It is at that. And that's my point, Jess...sometimes risks work out, sometimes they don't, but you don't know unless you try."

"This didn't," Jess says simply and Luke puts his hand back on Jess's arm.

"You might not regret it, someday, when you're old like me."

Jess rolls his eyes but says, "You're not that old, Luke."

"Maybe," Luke says. He smiles but is serious as he says, "You might be better at taking risks romantically, but what about the rest? I know you don't want to go to school, but you're smart. I was the Einstein of the clan until you came along and Jess, you're five times as bright as your uncle - bookwise, that is, so don't get too cocky. But I mean it, you could do so much more than this. I don't want to see you still living here five years, ten years from now."

Jess bites his lip, giving the slightest of nods. He glances around the room and says, "Me neither."

It's strangely intense to say aloud but as soon as the words are out Jess knows they're true. He knew it already, said as much to Rory, but it feels different saying it to Luke. He doesn't want to drift around anymore, work the menial jobs he takes. He wants to do something.

"Good," Luke says, and he gives his nephew's arm a squeeze. "You can come back with me if you like. I promise I won't let Lorelai kill you."

"No," Jess says, and it's not just the fear of Lorelai, or seeing Rory. "I want to stay here. I mean, I don't want to stay, but -"

"I understand," Luke says gently and smiles as Jess says, "Besides, isn't Lorelai staying over? Wouldn't want to cramp your style."

"I've got style?"

"Something like that."

They smile at each other and Jess allows Luke to pull him into a hug as they get up.

"I'm here, Jess - I'm always here. And I'll help."

"I know you will," Jess says quietly. "Thanks, Luke."

They hug a moment longer and then Luke steps away, lifting his hand in farewell.

"See you, Jess."

"See you, Luke."