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Jess wakes up the next morning, automatically reaching for Rory. His arm rolls across the empty bed and Jess lies there, lost for a moment. He turns onto his back and stares at the dirty ceiling, vaguely wondering if any new cracks have joined the jagged line since Jess moved in. Someday the whole thing might crash in. Jess lies still before tearing his eyes away from the scuffed marks, hauling himself out of bed and onto unsteady feet. Robotically, he brushes his teeth and takes a shower, not caring that the water stubbornly refuses to turn warm. The icy rush wakes him up. After throwing on some jeans and a shirt, Jess makes a meagre breakfast. There's a reasonable amount of food thanks to the box Luke left but Jess doesn't feel like eating. He scoffs his piece of toast and a cup of coffee, which Jess drinks three sips of before pouring away. Coffee makes him think of Rory and Jess forces his thoughts away from her, and all the mornings they spent drinking coffee together in bed or at the window. Jess drank his slowly, but Rory was impatient, burning her lips and laughing. She'd be running late for work and gulp down the coffee, scalding her throat but not caring. I have to drink coffee she'd insist at Jess's look. It's what helps me do the talking and walking thing! Plus, Jess suspected, it gave her a little courage before her shifts. Jess hates that Rory's gone but glad that she never has to work in that cafe again.
Jess doesn't know what to do after he finishes eating. Time never felt too much with Rory there, but now the day yawns around him. What did Jess do before he was with Rory, before he moved to Stars Hollow? He went out, he thinks. Rode the subway, explored. That was enough, back then. Jess doesn't want to spend his days on that anymore. He told Luke he wanted to do something more, but is still figuring out what the more is going to look like. Jess looks around the mostly empty room, the few pieces of furniture stark and sad. He's got to get out of this apartment. Picking up his keys, Jess puts on his shoes and starts to leave and, after a second of hesitation, goes back into the bedroom and picks up his notebook. He notices that the bedroom still holds Rory's scent. Jess doesn't know how much is simply his memory than actuality, but it hurts to go in and, clutching the book, he hurries back out. It hurts to think of Rory in any sense. She could have had his baby. Jess is so relieved she wasn't pregnant he felt weak, and it's not as if either of them wanted it, but he allows himself to wonder for a moment, a note of him and her and who it would have been. But it would never have been anything, he thinks roughly, and it doesn't make a difference. Everything's over and Rory's gone.
The dank air wraps around Jess as he starts along the street, but there's a cool touch to it that wasn't there before. The scent is hardly fresh though and Jess walks a little faster, impatient to get out of it. It's worse at this time, as the morning heats the sidewalks, and Jess sidesteps a beer bottle which lies close to a suspicious looking puddle. Jeez. Jess always thought Stars Hollow was a nightmare of 1950s suburbia, but at least the streets were clean, even if in a freakish kind of way. Rory must be grateful for that. Is she happy to be back in that town, ready to sign up for the next bizarre pageant the place throws? Most likely, but something gives Jess pause. She didn't seem as in love with it as she did when Jess first met her. Maybe it was Yale, maybe it was living here, but Rory wasn't quite the poster girl for it that she'd once been. Maybe it's just getting older. Hell, Jess isn't calling New York home either. This place runs through his veins but is no longer intrinsic to him. Perhaps that's how it is for Rory, Stars Hollow no longer as sure. Jess shakes himself. Damn, why do his thoughts keep leading back to her. As he glances up he sees he's almost at the cafe where she once worked and Jess stops, his heart sinking. He should tell the manager - Maya, he remembers - that Rory's gone. Jess strongly wants to just walk away. She'll figure it out, fairly fast, that Rory's left, and Jess highly doubts many staff there bother to even mention it, but Jess goes in anyway. Rory would want him to, he thinks. What the hell - it'll take a minute.
The door and windows are filthy, not giving Jess much hope for what's inside. The cafe is dimly lit, the greasy tables practically shining, and a woman with tired curls barks at Jess, "We're out of fries."
"I don't want anything."
"Get out then."
There's that New York hospitality, Jess thinks wryly. He looks at the woman and asks, "Are you Maya?"
"What's it to you?"
"If you are, my girlfriend -" Jess's voice wobbles and, furious with himself, he says, "Rory works here. She did, I mean - she's left town. She's not working here anymore."
"Thanks Einstein, I figured that out for myself," Maya retorts but there's a twinkle in her eye. "I know."
"You know?"
"Take a seat. Your girlfriend called me."
Jess doesn't take a seat but his hand finds a chair, gripping the back of it.
"Rory called you? You talked to her?"
"I did. I appreciated it -most kids just skip out on me and that's that."
"How did she sound?" Jess asks before he can stop himself and Maya looks at him, half-pitying and half-amused.
"She sounded kind of sad. Is that what you want to hear?"
Jess shrugs. "Forget it."
Maya examines him, making Jess squirm slightly.
"So you're the boyfriend," she says thoughtfully. "I'm glad Rory left...I told her she could do more than some guy."
"I'm not some guy!" Jess shouts, letting go of the chair. "I'm not - I wasn't just some guy!"
Maya blinks, surprised, and then says, "You sound like you love her."
"I don't sound like it," Jess mumbles. Maya's staring at him, her eyes sad, and Jess can't bear it. "Forget it - I'm leaving."
"Hey kid - listen."
Against his better judgement Jess stops and Maya says gently, "I don't think you're a bad guy."
"Rory talk a lot about me?"
"No - call it a sixth sense, or whatever. I know you care about her, you love her. That's more than most of the boyfriends I've seen, even the better ones. That's something."
"Great," Jess says bitterly. "Doesn't really matter either way, huh? Rory's gone, we're not together, and now I can't hold her back anymore. Everyone can have a party."
"What's your name?"
"Jess," Jess tells her, surprised into admitting it, and Maya nods.
"Rory told me once but it didn't stick. Jess, listen. You think you were holding her back? I think maybe you were right."
"Gee, thanks."
"I think here was holding her back - not you. Not just you. That make sense?"
Jess isn't sure it does but Maya continues, "You're a kid, just like her. Maybe you have a shot to do something bigger too. And you love her. Don't get so stuck in feeling sorry for yourself that you never do anything. Figure out your shit and who knows, maybe you two will work it out. Crazier things have happened."
"You think it'll fix everything, just like that?"
"No," Maya says impatiently. "I don't know you from Adam. I don't know if you'll even see Rory again, and God knows I'm hardly your woman for relationship advice- honestly, I don't really care if you work it out with her or not. I'm just saying you should figure things out for yourself. Focus on that, not losing your girlfriend."
"Why are you trying to be my shrink?" Jess is more curious than annoyed and Maya shrugs, sounding sheepish as she says, "Guess you caught me on a good day. I'm soft-hearted, or whatever you want to call it."
"Thanks." Jess doesn't know what to say so, awkwardly, he turns to leave, nodding at her.
"She was a sweet kid, Rory," Maya calls as Jess reaches the door. "You seem like a sweet kid too! I'm sure of it."
Jess isn't sure what it is exactly she's sure of, and it feels strange being called sweet, but he doesn't go back to ask. Strangely, he doesn't mind being referred to that way. If anyone in Stars Hollow called him a sweet kid Jess would do something creative with their lawn. Moot point though, he figures. No one there would be calling him that anyway - to them, he was Holden Caulfield's cousin.
Jess wanders around the city until his shift at the restaurant. He finds some change in his pocket and rides the subway, like he used to, getting off at a random stop and and walking new streets. It's familiar and disconcerting at the same time. Jess wishes Rory was exploring with him. She's not, he thinks angrily, and there's no point wanting it, but there's a sad tug at his heart all the same. Finding a coffeeshop, Jess sits down and, once his drink is brought over, Jess gets out his notebook. It's started to rain outside and Jess welcomes it, the sound of the water soothing his thoughts. He flicks through the pages, reading his notes, and gulps coffee between sentences. Some of it's not bad. Some of it's pretty good. He can write, Jess thinks. He might not be into the college thing, want to sit through classes, but he's smart. Jess is good at this writing thing. Maybe, in this fog he's found himself in, that's something to hold onto. Jess reads through the whole notebook, his heart clenching at any reference to Rory. He's written most of all about her blue eyes. Those were what first held him, he remembers, his first night in Stars Hollow and that joke of a dinner. He wandered into her bedroom and there she was, the girl in the photo he'd just held seconds before. Rory. Her blue eyes shone as she smiled and Jess was lost before he even knew it. He talked to her, picking up her books and making conversation, writing notes in Rory's margins, wanting to know all of her story. She was someone worth staying for.
Jess stays in the coffeeshop until he starts getting dirty looks. It's time to go to work anyhow and, thankfully, the rain has ceased to a gentle drizzle. Jess takes the subway back, walking to the restaurant in a daze, and when Brad nudges him, he asks, "What's up?"
"I broke up with Rory."
"Miss Yale left?" Brad says dumbly, mouth hanging open. "Man, I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Jess hates saying stuff like that, when things are utterly not okay, but it doesn't feel like a lie. He doesn't feel as terrible as before.
"I'm not surprised," Brad says honestly, and this time Jess does have a slight urge to punch him. "But I'm sorry."
"Yeah, well. It's what it is."
Brad looks at him but doesn't ask for details and Jess doesn't give any. They work in silence and finally Jess admits, "I'm going to quit."
"What?"
"I'm going to leave," Jess says firmly, turning to look at him. "Maybe not right now, but soon, I think. I am. I'm going to go."
"Go where?"
"I don't know. I just know I'm going to leave."
Brad stares at him and finally asks, "How come?"
"It's time."
"For what?"
"I don't know," Jess says honestly. "Just time for me to do something new."
Brad starts a barrage of questions which Jess deflects until, mercifully, it's the end of his shift. Jess declines an invitation to join Brad and some buddies for beer and walks home, the cool air stronger on his cheeks this time. The season is turning. It's been a year, Jess realises, since he was in California and summer ended. The season was over there, the season is over here, and it's time to move on. Jess hopes he's moving towards something better. Once back in the apartment, he makes a quick dinner from the food Luke left, and looks around. The memories are stinging. He's got to leave this place, he thinks, and vacating his apartment is too halting a step. Maybe it's time to leave the city. Jess wishes he could go right now but, as it is, he takes a deep breath and gets out his notebook. Turning to a fresh page, Jess picks up a pen and writes The Subsect. He's not even sure what that means but it feels right. Jess is ready to explore the rest.