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Rory furiously pours coffee into the pot, slamming it onto the stove with more force than necessary. It has not been a good morning. Yesterday Rory went to school with the intention of talking to a professor, not to run into Logan, and today he had the nerve to come strolling back to the Yale Daily News. At least Paris gave him a hard time. Rory hasn't heard from Logan in weeks, not since their big fight, and apparently they've broken up. Logan didn't even have the decency to tell Rory their relationship was over. His sister, Honor, informed Rory of the fact on Thanksgiving, of all days. Rory sat there with a pit in her stomach and phone in her hand and then had to get up, smile and say what she was thankful for. At least she didn't have to lie about being thankful to be hanging out with Lorelai more, but Rory felt like she was going to throw up throughout the entire meal. Good thing that being a Gilmore comes with an iron stomach. Rory can at least count on having an appetite even if she feels like someone's punched her in the chest, along with drinking triple amounts of coffee. Rory watches it brew in the pot along with her anger. So Logan's decided the relationship is back on? He must have missed the memo that a relationship involves two people, just like how Rory missed the memo he wasn't interested anymore. What's wrong with her?
"Gilmore!"
Rory jumps as Paris comes in, shooting looks around the room, and snaps, "What?"
"You need to tell Huntzberger to quit his attempts at charming me at the paper."
"I told you, he's not my boyfriend anymore!"
"He doesn't seem very aware of that fact," Paris remarks, glancing around the room some more and tugging open the crooked door of the closet.
"I'm trying to make him aware and Paris, what are you doing?" Rory asks and Paris straightens up, folding her arms.
"Checking for Doyle. He's springing Krav Maga attacks on me when I don't expect them. That's what he thinks," Paris adds furtively and Rory comments, "Great. Just don't crash into the coffee pot, okay?"
"You're in a swell mood."
"Thought you didn't want smiles in the office."
"Oh come on, Rory," Paris says impatiently. "That's the newsroom, not here, and it's not you."
"Right," Rory remarks sullenly but her eyes widen as Paris says, "I really think you should go to that therapist."
"Paris, no."
"Hey, he helped me a lot after Asher died. All courtesy of Yale."
"What about Terrence?"
"Terrence was too desperate, although I will admit he helped some. And I think going to see my guy would help you."
"How would it help me?" Rory retorts. "I've been dumped and I feel like crap. So what if I'm in a bad mood? You're always in a bad mood!"
"Yes, but you look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning," Paris says as Rory rolls her eyes. "And if you were sad in those Stars Hollow days those big blue eyes would well up and it was like someone hit a puppy."
"We're not in Stars Hollow."
"No, but now you look like you're going to hit a puppy. It's not you."
Rory bites her lip and Paris says more gently, "Hey, I'm the angry friend, right?"
"You still want me to soften your image?"
"No, I just don't like seeing you hurting."
"I don't love being hurt either," Rory admits. "I'm not a fan of feeling mad every day, but Logan broke up with me! Through his sister!"
"I know," Paris says. "He's an ass, but you should channel your anger. If you're not into the therapy thing how about some attack sessions with me and Doyle?"
Rory considers and suddenly is immensely tired. "Fine. I'll try your therapist guy."
"Really?"
"Will it get me out you trying to wrestle me?"
"No promises," Paris teases. "Sure. I'm glad. Here, go call the guy."
She whips a piece of paper out of her pocket and amused, Rory asks, "Have you been carrying that around all day?"
"Since this afternoon," Paris says seriously. "Call him."
Surrendering, Rory takes the piece of paper and goes into her bedroom. What's the worse than can happen?
That question is answered the very next morning. Rory makes her way up the stairs, having successfully passed what she told Lorelai was a Doo-Wop group, and almost drops her books. Logan is standing at the door with two cups of coffee.
"I brought coffee but it's cold." Logan tries to sound normal and fails and, ignoring him, Rory focuses on putting her stuff down and getting her key. He shouldn't have bothered – she's got better things to do and places to be but she scowls as Logan remarks, "It's a nice place you got here. I've been discussing the baking soda to actual crack ratio you can get away with your neighbours downstairs. Two to one during the daylight, three to one at night."
"You were never this concerned before."
"That's because you practically lived with me."
"Guess what, I don't need to live with you! I've lived like this before, as a matter of fact, in New York. Not that you know a thing about that."
Logan's mouth tightens at the mention of New York and silent mention of Jess, but simply says, "Can we talk?"
"I have ten minutes to change. Then I have someplace I have to be."
"It's going to take you twenty to unlock your door."
"Bye, Logan."
"This place is a dump, Rory," Logan reiterates. "You can't live here."
Rory turns to face him and says in frustration, "You don't get to care about where I live anymore, Logan. You broke up with me - through your sister."
"I didn't mean for that to happen," Logan protests but Rory furiously retorts, "You're a coward! Mr Life and Death Brigade can't even break up with his girlfriend!"
"Honor was bugging me, and I just told her we broke up to shut her up," Logan says evenly. "I needed some time."
"So you didn't mean it?" Rory asks disbelievingly and is rewarded as Logan admits, "No, I did. I just...it was too much for me, okay?"
"It was a fight! People fight!"
"Yeah, well I don't fight, I don't want to be screaming at you at a bar. I can't take that. It's too much drama."
Rory is done and, looking into Logan's eyes, says firmly, "Well, if you can't take the drama, then you shouldn't even be in a relationship, which, by the way, you're not, so everything's good."
Turning back to the door, Rory focuses on the lock as Logan argues, "It's not that easy."
"Sure it is."
"You want some help?" Logan asks as the door refuses to give, today of all days, and Rory says, "Nope," through gritted teeth.
"I bet one of those guys downstairs could help you out getting into a locked apartment."
"Ugh!" Rory exclaims, kicking the door harder than it needs. "Just go be somewhere else, Logan."
Bending down to retrieve her books, Rory is silent as Logan stays to say, "I thought that I wanted to break up. I thought that it was a stupid experiment, me trying to be a boyfriend, that it didn't work, and I'd just move on. And I didn't. Couldn't, actually." Ignoring him, Rory opens the door but freezes as Logan says seriously, "Rory…I love you."
This can't be happening. For a second Rory is speechless before simply informing Logan, "I have an appointment. I have to go."
Rory slams herself inside, not waiting to see Logan's reaction. She can't even process her own reaction to this, she has a place to be, but as Rory changes her clothes and splashes water over her face, all she can think is that this is typical of Logan. He's gone without a word and imagines everything is okay, that they can pick up right where they left off, just like when they started dating. Only that was when things were casual and they're not now. He says he loves her. But Rory doesn't want him deciding where they'll be anymore and scrubs her face dry, taking a deep breath. She has to get this appointment over with. Logan's not worth thinking about right now.
The journey to the office is short, yet she still runs late, and Rory feels more nervous than she expected as she goes in. She greets the doctor, embarrassed to be slightly late, but he says he's simply happy that she made it. Ushering her inside, he asks, "So things have been a little tumultuous lately?"
"I guess. I kind of had a falling out with my mother so I've been spending more time with her."
"You had a fight?"
"Not exactly, but I was spending less time with her than usual. We're very close….she's one of my best friends."
"But you had a falling-out?"
"Nothing major. Just mother/daughter stuff." The doctor nods and awkwardly Rory gestures to the couch and asks, "I don't have to lie down, do I?"
"No. That's not a lying down couch."
"Good," Rory says, trying to sound cheerful as she takes a seat opposite the doctor.
"So, do you want to tell me about this falling out?" the doctor asks and Rory blinks.
"Boy, we just jumped into this, didn't we?"
"You want to talk about something else first?" the doctor asks plainly and Rory shifts uncomfortably.
"No…"
"I mean, we're here to talk about this tumultuous time, so I figured, let's just start there. What happened?"
"Nothing. We fought. I'm fine. We're fine"
"I thought it wasn't a fight."
"It was kind of a fight."
"Kind of a fight?"
"I just pulled away from school a little," Rory says impatiently. "I was going through a hard time and I started doing more with the DAR and my grandmother and met a new guy, Logan, and my mom just kind of freaked out. That's all."
"Sounds like it's been going on for a while."
"Excuse me?"
"You said you were having a hard time, and this is why you came in here, isn't it?"
"I guess," Rory says, a little taken aback. "My, those are some big ears you have there, grandma."
"I'm here to listen. Can you tell more about this so-called hard time?"
"I had a boyfriend," Rory says in exasperation. "After freshman year I spent the summer with him in New York. We lived together and then we broke up."
"Why was that?"
"It wasn't working."
"Why not?"
"Because it couldn't have worked," Rory says, a little thrown. She hadn't planned on discussing Jess. "We were too different, I had Yale and he didn't want to go to school….he could have gone but he didn't want to….but when I said I could take time off he said that was crazy!"
"You were going to drop out of school? That's a pretty big deal."
"I don't know if I would have. I thought about it."
"Is that why you broke up?"
"No – yes – kind of. I actually thought I was pregnant."
"I see," the doctor says, seeming unperturbed but Rory feels shaken at the memory.
"Yeah. That was fun. And I knew it wasn't going to work, living there, and I wasn't pregnant, thank God, so I went back to school but he wouldn't come with me and that's when we broke up!"
"How did that feel?"
"Great," Rory says in disbelief and sits back in frustration as the doctor asks, "You don't want to talk about this either?"
"I'm just...I'm sick of talking about it, that's all."
"You seem very agitated," the doctor observes and Rory replies, "I'm not agitated. So I ran away with my boyfriend, had a pregnancy scare and we split up. Big deal. That happens to tons of girls, doesn't it?"
"Mm."
Rory stares at him, wondering what mm means. She sits up but before she can query the doctor asks, "You're with a new boyfriend, aren't you?"
"I was."
"Tell me about that."
"About what? He was my boyfriend then, and now he's not."
This was a mistake. Rory wishes she'd never agreed to come here. Surely Krav Maga lessons would be less painful than this.
"He's not?"
"No, he's not," Rory says furiously. "We broke up. No. Oh, no. I'm sorry. He broke up. I thought that we were just taking some time, but apparently I'm a moron!"
"This is Logan?"
"Well, it's not Jess or Dean! Super. Do you also have the picture of him hijacking me in my hallway earlier today?"
"I'm sorry, what"? the doctor asks but Rory desperately demands, "I mean how fair is that? He's gone, and then he shows up out of the blue. You can't live here. This place is a dump. And, by the way, I love you. I love you?! Is he serious?!"
"I don't know," the doctor says honestly and Rory takes a breath, feeling a lump grow in the back of her throat.
"Nothing for weeks, and then he just decides that he loves me. So, what happens now? I get another Birkin bag? And how long until he doesn't love me again, huh?"
The threat of crying has formed into sobs and, concerned, the doctor passes Rory a box of tissues which she grabs.
"I jumped with him! I never would have jumped with Jess!"
"Who's Jess?"
"My New York ex-boyfriend who I lost my virginity to!" Rory exclaims, bursting into loud tears.
"Wow," the doctor says, taking notes, and bitterly Rory remarks, "Yeah. I'm a treat. And now he's back saying I can do more….what does that mean?"
"I don't know."
"I could have had a baby with him," Rory cries. "I mean, I wasn't pregnant and I wouldn't have had it, but I could have, you know?"
The doctor is simply staring and Rory rambles on, "Like I wasn't a disaster before I left with him anyway. Dean was married and I almost slept with him before Jess showed up. He just shows up, out of the blue, and now he's the one disappointed in me? He wanted me to go back to school and now I'm here but I'm with Logan, and he broke up with me too but says he loves me! I don't know what I'm going to do! I-I don't think I can take running into him every day in the halls and the paper and the coffee cart. Oh, my god! I'm going to have to quit drinking coffee, and I love coffee!" Any chance of recovering herself is lost as Rory buries her face and wails into the tissues. "I really love coffee!"
The doctor suggests meeting a few more times and Rory doesn't really feel in a position to turn him down. Subdued, she goes back to the apartment and spends the next week trying to ignore the gifts Logan relentlessly gives her. There's enough bouquets of flowers to open a florist and one day Logan even sends a coffee cart for her, which Rory has to admit doesn't suck. She wishes he'd get the message and leave her alone though. It doesn't seem to be working. In one lonely moment, as Rory is trying to sleep, she thinks of Jess. What would he think about all of this? He told her he loved her out of nowhere too, but then he left. At least Logan is trying to talk to her, but right now Rory isn't so sure it's a benefit. She went with Jess in the end and look how it ended up. Logan is different, she knows, but right now Rory is hesitating. She thought she wanted someone different, to be someone different, yet it's starting to feel hollow. Rolling over, Rory tries to steady her mind into sleep. So what if Jess hates Logan and wants her to do more? He's not calling her and she has no right to want him to. She doesn't want him to, Rory tells herself. She doesn't want to call him either. All that stuff she rambled about in therapy is in the past. She should focus on the relationship she currently has, or doesn't have, and Rory falls into an uneasy slumber.
Logan doesn't give up and one afternoon he comes bearing a letter from Lorelai. Rory is stunned that he went to talk to her and returned with an actual note, but succeeds in not showing it. Instead, she calmly opens the envelope and reads,
Dear Rory,
So, right now you are reading my sealed words of wisdom as the tormented, foolish (but persistent) cad hangs off every nuance of your reactions, his heart and mind in a dizzying flurry of questions as to how the outcome will play out… As you read this, delight in the knowledge that this love-sick pup before you does not have a clue…
Now, ordinarily, after a fool has taken my daughter's love for granted, if I did not kill him through a slow and excruciatingly painful death, I would instruct my daughter, much like Miss Havisham did to Estella in 'Great Expectations', to be cold blooded and calculating, to dash his hopes, and to crush him. However, the decision is all yours to make. Love is elusive and all-encompassing; when you fall under its intoxicating spell, you have little recourse but to live out its devices. If you love this boy, maybe you want to give it another chance?
Good luck, love you,
Mom
Rory feels her anger start to waiver and melt. Logan hurt her but he's sorry, she can see it, and he's definitely tried showing it as best he can. Rory still feels frustrated that he decided it was a breakup, but he's come back to her, he says he loves her. This guy is standing right here, not running or asking anything of Rory except to be with her. He's not wanting her to do or be anything more. Rory's missed him as well as being mad, and she's willing to make up. As she says to Lorelai, relationships are a big honking leap of faith, and it's not as if she's just discovered Logan has a child. Rory wonders if Jess knows Luke has a daughter, how he feels about having a cousin, but refuses to linger on it. It's not like they're sharing their lives anymore. Rory focuses on Logan who's pleading for a date. She agrees to dinner and when it ends up being a night of chaos at the Yale Daily News Logan stays calm, helps her fix it and pulls the whole thing together. He insists that they get the paper out, talks to the printer until Rory's sent the paper in and doesn't let Rory give up. He even brought dinner there for their date and, as Rory throws herself into Logan's arms, she knows she wants to be with him. The life she had with Jess is over, they're on different paths. Jess has gone and Logan is here. Rory decides to centre herself on the man in front of her. How can she help loving Logan? Lorelai is right. Love is all-encompassing and Rory is helpless under its spell.
