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Jess turns his cup around on the saucer, sloshing some coffee over the edges. Liz is due to be here soon, and although Jess isn't unhappy about it, there's that familiar tug of anxiety which comes with seeing his mother. Jess sips the coffee despite it being too hot, and as it stings his throat, the door opens and over the chime of the bell Liz exclaims loudly, "Hi, baby!"
"Hi, Liz," Jess says, getting up. She's only five minutes late which is a record. Jess doesn't remark on it as he once would have, but Liz says for him, "I was nearly on time! Isn't that great?"
It's the first time she's come to Philadelphia too. Beaming, she babbles an order to the waitress and sits opposite her son.
"It's so good to see you!"
"It's good to see you too," Jess says, smiling. "How are you?"
"I'm great, Jess. I'm really great!"
Liz sounds sincere, smiling as she adds, "Everything's good right now. The fair is great, TJ's great and my whole life is great right now!"
"I'm glad," Jess says genuinely. "You seem happy."
"I am, kiddo. I'm really happy. How about you? Are you happy?"
"I'm doing okay," Jess says mildly and smiles self-consciously as Liz comments, "You're doing more than okay, Jess! You're opening a bookstore!"
"It's a tiny press."
"But it's a big deal. I'm so proud of you, I always knew you could do something like this. You remind me of my dad."
"Thank you," Jess says, unsure what to add. He thinks the comparison is a compliment, but is touched as his mother says, "You wrote a book, Jess. I tried to read it, don't think I exactly got it, but I know it's good. You were always so smart, right from the second you were born."
"No, I –"
"Yes," Liz says seriously. "You were always smart and I always knew you could do something incredible, and here you are."
Jess nods, looking into his mother's eyes for a moment before glancing back down at his coffee cup. Liz looks emotional and Jess doesn't want her to start crying. Still, it means a lot, what she said, and Jess would be lying if he claimed not to feel emotional himself. He's grateful when the waitress brings over Liz's coffee to break the moment.
"I'm sorry I can't be there for the opening," Liz says, snapping Jess out of his thoughts, and quickly he says, "It's okay."
"It's the fair circuit and –"
"It's fine," Jess says. He really doesn't mind. In some ways, he's relieved, and to linger on that brings up the sadness that comes with seeing Liz again, the memory of being sent to Luke. He wasn't happy with her, his life there, but it was still his life she changed without asking. That complicated hurt will never leave, Jess knows, but he doesn't feel that bitter anger now. He's made a kind of peace with it, but it's never going to be easy seeing his mother. But they are who they are, and Jess takes another sip of coffee to quell his thoughts.
"I know Luke will be there. He always shows up."
Jess nods, remembering how he yelled at Luke for fixing everything even when people didn't want it. He's always going to feel ashamed about that, being so mad at Luke that he wouldn't let him help him. Jess focuses on swallowing the coffee, and coughs as Liz says brightly, "Oh yeah, that reminds me, Luke has a daughter!"
"What?"
"You have a cousin!" Liz exclaims happily. "I always wanted you to have a cousin."
Jess coughs, eyes streaming to accompany the unattractive gurgle in his throat. Grabbing a napkin, Jess wipes his eyes and drinks some water to stop sounding like a drain. Seeming completely unshocked, Liz continues, "Yeah, a twelve-year-old called April. Sweet little thing."
Liz sounds like she's describing a dishwasher instead of a daughter. Cheerfully, she sips her own drink and Jess asks disbelievingly, "And is this old news or….? Because I don't remember Luke having any kids when I lived with him."
"Oh, he just found out!"
"Huh."
"She's Anna's kid. You remember Anna?"
"No."
"Guess you wouldn't. She was a cool lady."
"And she had a kid with him and is just telling Luke?"
"Actually, April told him!"
"That's a real improvement," Jess remarks. "So what, she just showed up?"
"In the diner, out of the blue, saying she needed Luke's hair."
"What?"
"For her science project! She wanted DNA to figure out who her father is."
"Of course."
"Anyway, Luke was the match and he found out he's a daddy!"
Jess can't help smiling a little at the mental image, but he feels bad, for him and for the kid, and asks, "How's he coping with all of it?"
"It's Luke…he says he's handling it but he blurted out the entire thing for me. I knew it was Anna before he even told me. I always kept track of his girlfriends."
"That's not at all concerning."
"Hey wiseguy, I only meant that your uncle is a serial monogamist so it wasn't hard to figure out! He's no Warren Beatty!"
"Good to know."
"He didn't tell Lorelai," Liz says, leaning forward. "She found out when she bumped into the kid in the diner!"
"Bet that went down well." Jess can't picture Lorelai's reaction and feels bad for her too, despite their differences. He knows how much it sucks to be kept in the dark over stuff, though granted, Jess has never experienced this and never wants to. He takes a long drink of coffee to shake that thought.
"They seem okay," Liz says and there's an unfamiliar weight to her tone. "After all, they're getting married soon. She's good for him."
Jess nods, imagining that Lorelai probably is. He hopes none of this messes up the wedding. Jess could tell Lorelai liked Luke from the second she started in on that speech about Jess being lucky to live with him, something Jess wasn't exactly receptive to. But her crush was pretty clear and so was Luke's. Jess is glad they finally figured it out, for all the hard time Jess gave Luke over it, but this is pretty insane. This must be why Luke was acting so weird in New York that day he came to see him and Jess feels a little hurt. Luke could have told him. Granted, Jess might not have advice, but he'd still want to hear about it. Did Luke think he was just going to be sarcastic or something? Jess thought they'd moved on from all that. He guesses he shouldn't be insulted, if Luke didn't even tell Lorelai, but he is, all the same.
"April's a really sweet kid," Liz says, breaking Jess's thoughts. "She loves helping out in the diner and talking to everyone, when she's not got all her books spread over the tables. Lorelai says she's kind of like Rory that way."
That makes Jess smile, remembering. His mind wanders to that night when she tutored him on History and he tutored her on the Clash, and how they went for icecream in cones. Jess would have driven with Rory all night, and would have suggested it if they hadn't crashed. Jess's smile falters, remembering how scared he was, scared Rory wasn't okay and, even after she was, scared that everyone was right about him. He volunteered to go back to New York, figuring he'd messed up everything. It's like his memory of that night is split in two, the happiness with Rory sharing a jagged line with the ache afterwards. And then the whole ache of New York. Jess tries to drink more coffee before remembering it's empty and asks, "How's Rory doing with it all?"
"Okay, I think. I haven't really seen her since Thanksgiving – she's at school and I'm busy with the fair circuit."
"Right." Jess resists asking more about her and instead suggests, "Refill?"
"I'm still drinking mine, but sure, why not?"
After Jess has brought two fresh cups of coffee to the table Liz asks about Christmas. Jess actually wound up enjoying the day with his friends but to talk about it shakes up that anxiety again, knowing he wasn't sorry not to see Liz at Christmas and knowing he doesn't want to next year, even if she asks. Any wish for that disappeared when she didn't want him to come home that first year in Stars Hollow. Liz makes apology of not having time to see the city and where her son lives, but Jess isn't too torn up over that either. He always feels tired after seeing Liz. Jess hugs her goodbye once they've finished their drinks, feeling that familiar relief at parting, but is sincere when he says, "It's good to see you happy."
"You too," Liz says warmly. "It's too bad TJ couldn't be here. He's a great guy."
"He seems it." Jess isn't that sorry Liz's husband couldn't come but he knows he loves his mother, and that makes Jess happy. He remembers all the less-great guys too clearly.
Liz cups his face for a moment, saying, "It still makes me so happy that you walked me down the aisle."
"No big deal," Jess says shyly and nods as Liz contradicts, "Yes, it was. You being there meant a lot."
Jess nods, letting her kiss his cheek. He's not sorry he went, despite the mixed feelings. It was good seeing her so happy.
"I love you, kiddo," Liz declares. "And now I have to go make earrings! And you're going to go do something smart, right?"
That makes Jess laugh.
"I have to go plan more of the Truncheon opening. It's in a few weeks."
"See, something smart," Liz says fondly. "You're my smart son. I'll call you soon, okay?"
"Okay."
"Love you," Liz says again, getting up and going to the door, her jewellery jangling. "Bye!"
"You too," Jess says quietly, lifting his hand. "See you."
Jess sits at the table for a moment, mind heavy. He always feels shaken after seeing Liz, even on good days. At least now he knows she won't show up drunk, yet it's still a lot. Jess finishes his cup of coffee, partly wanting to call Luke, but he's still a little hurt over not being told about his kid. There's an urge to call Rory, ask what she thinks, but Jess resists that too. He's sending out her invitation soon but he's not calling her. He wants to actually see her, and right now it's a big unknown on if she'll even be there at all. Jess half wishes he'd asked more about her and is half glad that he didn't. Turning his thoughts away, he wonders about the surprise daughter, his cousin. He has a cousin. That's kind of weird, and if this feels weird to Jess, it must feel fifty times moreso to Luke. He must be freaking out. If he'd told Jess, he would have said to Luke he doesn't need to worry, he knows that he's a decent dad. Jess knows because Luke was one to him. That's what Jess would have said, but he wasn't asked. It's a disquiet, and Jess turns the cup in his hands again before getting up. It seems the only person from Stars Hollow to ask him for advice is still Rory. It was always different with her, and there's that disquiet again. It is what it is. Jess pays the bill, grabs his jacket and walks out into the icy clear air.