The Diego Diaries: Face Off Time (dd6 584)
=0=Arena Time
Prowl stared at the data pad holding everything known to man about basketball, everything known to Cybertronians and if truth be told, everything known by anyone anywhere about putting a ball through a hoop and considered the umpteen things that he would be advising Prime to do or not during the game through their internal communications link up. He had told Optimus the night before …
"I've digested every basketball manual, book, game, analysis, bar bet and horoscope produced by the human race about this game, synthesized all of that with our own format and because of that, I'm going to be feeding you data during the game. I've analyzed the games all the teams played last time and I believe that my intel will be invaluable to you to beat Kaon," he had said as they lay in the darkness of their berth room. A bunch of fun had traversed prior to this dissertation though athletes on Earth will tell you that to do so the night before dulls their game.
Optimus wouldn't be among them.
Optimus, however, did grin as he listened to Prowl wage his battles for him. It was hilarious when something mundane got hold of Prowl and wouldn't let go. He was as all business about this as he was about the mission upcoming. He held back his snickers as Prowl outlined what he decided were weaknesses and foibles that could be exploited by his team against that of the twins.
"So, you think that would be wise?" Prime asked as Prowl outlined a much too complex but theoretically feasible game plan for the Invaders.
"I've analyzed it, run simulations and find it a solid 96.7% probability of success. Mind you … that's still a few degrees below my minimal operational standard but doable," Prowl said with all the seriousness in the world.
Any world.
"Then who am I to argue?" Optimus had said.
Prowl snickered. "WHEN DID YOU *NOT*!?" he asked. Then he said nothing more for a while …
Meanwhile, back at the game …
Ratchet with a giant smile on his face began to put on the apparel items that he had picked out that would in his opinion embarrass Prowl the most. It didn't take much time to put on the two garments, then pull out the colorfully painted maracas. He turned to the cameras, smiled brilliantly, waved a little wave, then shook his maracas.
The crowd erupted in laughter and applause as the jumbo monitors hanging over the court showed him in all his glory. He wore a giant sombrero, a colorful poncho that hung to his knees and as he shook the maracas he began to rumba. Shaking his maracas and his aft, Ratchet, the Secretary of State and Ambassador Plenipotentiary for the Prime of Cybertron, Mars and Empire began to rumba in a slow turning circle.
Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-CHA! Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-CHA!
He shook the maracas in time to a rumba beat and he danced in the Primal Box and into the living rooms and bars of about 22 planets scattered all over the hell and gone, not counting maniacs in the system.
Ironhide glanced up at the racket, then gave a belly laugh as he watched Ratchet shake, rattle and rumba in the box. Everyone in the arena then watched the screen as Prowl slowly caught on that something was going on. He glanced at the monitor, froze in startled amazement, then gripped the wall in front of him as he gaped at the images on it.
Glancing at Ratchet who was shaking his maracas beside him, he turned toward the big mech. Ratchet was lost in his own song and dance, ignoring Prowl as he rumba-bumba'd to his own drummer. Prowl glanced at the monitor, Ratchet, the teams on the floor howling with laughter, Ratchet, the maracas, Kes/Tagg/Everyone in the family and the older kids not playing ball/the extended family that included the three little bots and their adult family and a few hangers on, Optimus who was howling with laughter … then he grabbed a maraca away from Ratchet.
Ratchet halted, stared at his empty hand, booped Prowl on the helm with the maraca he still had, then began again.
Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-CHA! Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-CHA!
That was when Prowl leaped on him and they went down disappearing from sight behind the wall of the seating area of the Primal Box.
The crowd lost its shit.
=0=Earth 1
"Oh my god. I HAVE TO GO TO THESE GAMES!" -everyone there
=0=Earth2
"OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO GO TO THESE GAMES!" -everyone there
=0=Unidad Terra 1
"I don't know. I think those two are amazing," Harley Epps said as he sat on the couch with Merlie watching the show. Everyone of their family was there with snacks and beer. Joining them was everyone else who could fit into the room.
"Ratchet is a very funny boy. I imagine his ada and his grannies enjoy him every bit as much as I do mine," Merlie said with a big grin. "I think he's very funny and good company. Who knew that someone that important in their own government could be so much fun?"
"I'm not sure Prowl agrees, Mama," Tennessee said with a chuckle. "But the next time that Ratchet and Prowl go pub crawling, I'm going."
Everyone in the room agreed.
=0=Family Tower with the N.E.S.T group that didn't go
"I love this place."
"I know. I'm going to hump my ass to keep my place on the team."
"I know."
"I want to go on missions with Ratchet."
"I know."
=0=Arena
They wrestled on the ground, then Prowl stood with the sombrero. He looked at the howling crowd, then frisbeed it over the side. It flew out, the crowd roared as they fought for it, then it landed on the floor at Ironhide's feet. He picked it up and put it on drawing a roar again.
Prowl frowned at Ironhide as Ratchet gripped the wall to pull himself upward. He turned on Prowl, frowned, then hit him on the helm with a maracas. Prowl grabbed it, got kaboomed with the other, then down they went again. The roar was ungodly.
All of it was captured on the monitor and went to Earth down the M.C.A. …
=0=Dan Patrick and Company
"God almighty. This is beyond the beyond. I want to do this from there next time," Patrick said.
Tyler was laughing too loudly to comment back.
=0=Arena
Prowl stood up again with both maracas, then stowed them in his subspace. Glaring at Ratchet who staggered back up, he yanked Ratchet's poncho off, then tossed it toward the punters below. A scramble for it resulted in a little amma with a big fist getting it. She smiled up at Ratchet who was peering over the side and waved.
Ratchet smiled, waved back, then turned to a triumphant looking Prowl and slugged him in the chassis. He bent over and dropped to the floor. Then a hand reached up, gripped Ratchet's arm and yanked him down out of sight from where he was taking bows before the crowd.
=0=In another booth
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHA! GASP! BWAHAHAHAHA!" -Jazz
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHA! GASP! BWAHAHAHAHA!" -Blaster
"Oh, my word. Those two," Revet said with a big grin on his face.
=0=In the Primal Booth
They both sat on the floor glaring at each other, then Prowl smirked in spite of himself. "How long do you plan to do this slag?"
"How long do you plan to live?" Ratchet asked with a giant cheese-eating smile.
"Fragger. Stand up and behave or I'm dumping you over the side," Prowl said.
"I'll take you with me. You should see how well my magnets work," Ratchet said as they both began to stand up.
The crowd howled, Prowl tried to tuck his dignity back in from the tattered wreck that it was and Ratchet bowed and twirled like a debutante. That was when the siren blew and the game began.
Mercifully.
=0=Game
They walked to the center line, Prime, Raptor and Blackjack. Facing them was Hugh-E as center against Prime and the twins on either side. Chromia and Arcee were defense and Hardie was goalie for Iacon. Other Kaonians filled out the twin's ranks and when the ball was tossed Prime leaped.
Hugh-E on the other hand grinned and reached upward. He wasn't taller than Prime but he was fast. He'd started as a high steel riveter in his youth before he grew to full size so his speed with his servos was off the charts. He got the ball, then turned to Sunstreaker and handed it to him.
It was so fast that Sunny held it a moment in startled surprise before roaring forward toward Prime's goal. He ran into the brick wall that was Raptor when he did. Shouldering into Raptor who stood in place grinning at him, Sunny muscled and revved hard. He got bupkis.
He did, however, get a kiss on the top of his helm before Raptor yanked the ball from him and handed it to Prime who leaped up and dropped it through the hoop from center court. It was all so fast that no one really saw it coming on both sides.
Iacon, 5 and Kaon, 0.
Prime slapped Raptor on the shoulder then walked casually to the center line with his team to get set for the Kowboys to bring it in from their end zone.
"HA-HA! AT LEAST YOUR APPA KISSED YOUR LITTLE HEAD!" some wag could be clearly heard bellowing.
Sunstreaker turned around to look up into the crowd, then noted Kup leaning over the side howling. "FRAG YOU, KUP!" he replied then walked back to put the ball in motion in the end zone of their own side.
Sunny took the ball, got in place, then shot it to Bracket. He then raced forward to get ready for the pass around. Kaon was going to run the slaggers ragged, then in the chaos shoot for the goal.
That was the plan anyway.
As Sunny streaked in to take his share of the pass a huge hand shot in front of him and caught the ball. Slamming on the breaks, he turned then jumped as Prime with a grin passed the ball to Ironhide. Ironhide was halfway to their goal and shot the ball to Raptor. Raptor was standing outside the goalie zone but next to the goal. He caught the ball, then dropped it in.
Second basket.
Iacon, 10 … Kaon, bupkis.
The crowd went mad.
So did Prowl
He was leaning over the wall gripping it tightly as he crowed. "DID YOU SEE THAT!? THAT WAS GENIUS! OPTIMUS PRIME IS A GENIUS! I TOLD HIM THAT WAS THE WAY TO GO! OPTIMUS! PRIME! IS! A! GENIUS!"
Ratchet who was pleased and oddly un-apparelled looked around at the howling crowd as the agitated winger crowed beside him. He glanced at the others in the box who were conflicted but happy anyway that someone in the family was excelling. They were having a good time. He would have had a better one with his air horn, maracas and tambourine.
The sombrero at this point was optional.
=0=On the ground
Sideswipe rolled into place, then leaned into Raptor. "Slagger. What's the deal? You're old and decrepit," he said with a grin.
"You underestimate old mechs, infant. We had a lot longer time to be treacherous than you," Raptor said with a chuckle.
The ball was tossed to Sunny at the end line and he began again. He threw it hard to Hugh-E who jumped and tossed it to the hoop. Everyone gasped as Hard Drive with more elegance than anyone ever expected a mechanism that big to have jumped up and deflected the ball. It flew out and was passed by Chromia to Prime.
Prime turned with the ball and before he could bounce it, he ran into the massive grinning frame of Hugh-E. Prime pressed hard, then attempted to dribble around him. That of course necessitated that Huge-E turn with him presenting an impassible front no matter where Prime attempted to go so he passed the ball to Raptor.
Raptor bounced the ball and ran forward shouldering both Sunstreaker and Tyro, a tall sturdy mech who was a long time member of Kaon's football team. The two of them slowed Raptor but they couldn't stop him. Raptor turned, then passed the ball to Chromia.
Chromia caught it, ran forward with her shoulder down and plowed between them. Sideswipe following her yelled to the goalie to heads up. He did. His body followed his head as he was shouldered into the outback of the beyond by the hard charging femme.
He rose straight up into the air and flew backward off the court. When he did, Chromia leaped up and dunked the ball hanging onto the hoop 50 feet in the air with both hands before dropping to the floor to walk with blood lust back to the team.
Maelstrom would have needed an inhaler if he was human.
Iacon's Invaders, 15 and Kaon's Kow(d)boys, zip.
Goose eggs.
Nada. Yo Mama.
Nil.
Zip.
Zippo.
Zed.
They had nothing.
=0=TBC 2-2-19 edited 2-16-19
NOTES:
maracas: these are gourd shaped wooden highly painted usually and beautiful musical instruments from Mexico that are filled with bee-bees or buck shot and are used by hand to add spice to music. You shake them in your hands. :D I love them. :D So does Ratchet. :D
Bupkis is another word for 'nothing'. If you get bupkis, you get nothing.
Be careful out there in the Polar Vortex and Ungodly Hot zones. -ME.