The walls were just as bright and colorless as Axel remembered. He had spent countless hours sitting on the clock tower staring almost directly at the sun itself, but he considered looking at these blinding white walls to be far more painful on the eyes. He allowed Roxas to walk a few paces ahead of him, wary of letting the boy out of his sight.

"Well, Roxas, this is Castle Oblivion."

Roxas stared all around and could only note just how blank and empty the place looked. The castle felt familiar, but he couldn't place where he might have seen it. His memories were still full of holes, but he was almost certain he had been here before.

"It's so… bright."

"Yeah… get ready for a lot of this."

Roxas ascended the staircase and entered the only other set of doors in the room. Upon crossing the threshold, he found himself in a room completely identical to the one he'd just left. He scanned the walls for any differences, or just anything notable at all, but room after room left him with only the same nauseatingly bright walls.

The more steps he climbed, the more disoriented he became. Unfamiliar images flashed through his head at random intervals, blurry like those of a dream. He recognized himself in them, but had no recollection of what he was doing. Every door he opened seemed to let more of these pictures flood into him, pounding through his forehead as if physically trying to puncture his skull to reach his mind.

His eyes grew sore, his head ached, and many times he needed to stop and cover his face to block out the burning light. The bombardment of hazy images wore him down little by little. Axel stayed close by, growing increasingly apprehensive the deeper they dove in.

"Roxas, do you want to go back? You really don't look so good."

"We have a mission. They think that lost heart is just floating around in here somewhere. And I want my memories back."

"Okay, but—"

"I'm fine. It's just the bright walls… they're making me dizzy, that's all. Let's keep going."

Axel had no choice but to let Roxas continue further into the castle. A weaker man might have gone mad from the endless trek through the same room over and over, but Roxas showed surprising determination as he dragged himself up staircase after staircase. It reminded Axel of another boy who had endured this same journey in search of a false illusion, only things didn't go so well for him. Nevertheless, that boy's misfortune was the reason Roxas was still here beside him today, and Axel wasn't about to risk losing him again.

Roxas had lost count of the number of times he entered the same piercing white room, growing more nauseous by the second. The odd hallucinations flashed more brightly and rapidly behind his eyes, and finally the vertigo became too much. Disoriented, Roxas stopped his ascent, intending only to catch his breath and stop the spinning.

Out of nowhere, a sharp pain tore through his abdomen, so intense and powerful that it brought him to his knees with an agonized cry. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before, as if an unseen force was stabbing him from the inside. Everything went dark, finally ending the barrage of blurry images and snuffing out the burning light of the endlessly repeating rooms.

"Roxas!"

Axel raced to his side, kneeling down to see his friend's face. Roxas hung his head, whimpering as he clenched his fists against the smooth flooring. Axel supposed he should have known this would happen again, but still found himself panicking as he watched his friend go down in pain once more, courtesy of these damned castle walls.

"What's going on…? Everything is dark…"

"Roxas, we're getting out of here. Let's go."

Axel didn't hesitate, quickly opening a corridor of darkness and lifting Roxas to his feet. Doubled over and leaning heavily on his friend, Roxas staggered out of the castle and soon the two were back in the Grey Area. Axel carefully guided him into the hallway to head for the lab. They only made it a few steps before he fell down again, collapsing onto his side completely unconscious.

"Roxas! Can you hear me? Roxas!"

Frantically shaking his friend's shoulder and calling out to him, Axel didn't notice Saïx approaching the two.

"What happened?"

With a seething glare, Axel shouted furiously at the man who had ordered Roxas on the mission that left him in this state in the first place. "Exactly what I said would happen! He collapsed just like last time!"

Saïx made no outward reaction to the news. With the same cold stare, he nudged Axel out of the way and effortlessly lifted Roxas from the floor. Without a word, he carried Roxas to the lab with Axel following closely behind. As Saïx gently laid the unconscious Roxas on the examination table, Axel leaned over his friend, desperately calling out to him in a futile effort to rouse him.

"Wake up, Roxas! Open your eyes!"

Vexen and Zexion, who heard the commotion from a side room in the back, rushed in and surrounded Roxas, immediately collecting equipment and performing tests. Axel watched helplessly as they laid their hands all over his friend, lying motionless on a cold metal table under bright lights and noisy machines.

"What's wrong with him?!"

"We don't know, Axel, we're trying to—"

"Why won't he wake up?!"

"Axel, please, just give us time—"

"Just tell me if he's going to be okay!"

"Saïx, get him out of here…"

"How long until you know something?!"

"Lea!" Axel felt a firm hand on his shoulder, accompanied by a familiar stern voice. "Come outside. You are in their way."

"No! I'm not leaving him!"

"Let them work, Lea. You will only slow them down." Saïx pulled Axel's arm, escorting him out of the room. He was quite strong, but Axel struggled the whole way out.

The second they were back in the hallway, Axel wrestled out of Saïx's grasp, fuming. He was always a hothead, but had cooled considerably since becoming a Nobody. Now, the feeling of real, pure anger boiled in his veins. There was only one other time when he recalled losing his temper like this since joining the Organization, and just thinking about that day fanned the flames in his chest. He paced the floor while lashing out at Saïx, who stood with his same blank expression, unfazed by Axel's tantrum.

"I warned you, Isa! I told you it wasn't safe to take him there!"

"Calm down, Lea. There's no sense getting worked up—"

"This experiment is killing him! How could you let it go this far?!"

"No one could have predicted—"

"What the hell were you thinking ordering him to Castle Oblivion?!"

Saïx, having lost his patience, finally raised his voice in response to Axel's accusations. "My hands were tied, Lea! It was a direct order from Xemnas! You knew this!"

"How much longer, Isa? How many more victims will it take? How much more blood on your hands? How many more atrocities will you sign off on before you come to your senses?!"

"Keep your voice down, Lea…"

"And this time it was someone I care about and you just couldn't resist! You had the perfect opportunity to take a shot at me and you couldn't pass it up!"

"Don't be ridiculous! I have argued on Roxas' behalf every day since this started!"

"Spare me your false conscience, Isa! It's too little, too late!"

Axel stopped just short of taking Saïx by the throat and squeezing the life out of him. It took all of his self control to keep from casting a wall of flames around him in a blind rage. With a furious cry, he summoned a flaming chakram and tossed it at a nearby vase, shattering it on contact. Finally having let off a little steam, he dismissed his weapon and, panting, sank to the floor in despair. His anger slowly faded, and all that was left in its place was pain.

"We're supposed to be without hearts… we're not supposed to be able to feel… why, Isa? Why do I hurt this bad? How is it possible?"

Saïx approached cautiously and knelt beside him, softening his tone. "It's not real, Lea. Those feelings are just illusions from your memories. You mustn't let them fool you."

"Are you sure? Are you absolutely certain they aren't real, Isa? They feel pretty damn real to me!"

Saïx looked inward, searching for an answer and coming up short. He was stunned to see the pain on Axel's face, as strong and real as it was when he was human. It made no sense. Their hearts had been stolen years ago, and they were incapable of the emotions Axel was displaying. How was it that he could emit such a feeling now, so sincerely and with such intensity?

Axel looked to his old friend, hoping to see a glimmer of emotion in his eyes, only to find nothing but the same dead stare he wore every day since that scar was carved into his face. Axel winced at the painful memory of that day, pushing it back to the farthest recesses of his mind and focusing instead on something Saïx said during their quarrel that caught his attention.

"Is it true… that you've been arguing for Roxas all this time?"

It was that question that brought Axel what he was searching for. He saw it for only a split second, but that glimpse confirmed his suspicions. Something broke the ice in Saïx's expression. It was subtle and brief, but unmistakable.

"Yes, I have. I have protested this horrendous experiment from day one."

"Why?"

"Because it's cruel and inhumane. I'm not a monster, Lea."

Saïx joined Axel as they sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. They were silent for a while, as Axel was still processing the shock of what he was hearing from Saïx's mouth. He had shown Roxas mercy. He pitied Roxas, even sympathized with him. Axel thought a heart was required for those types of sentiments.

"You can't tell me you don't feel anything, Isa. I've seen it in your eyes. Tiny flashes of emotion. Why do you shut them out?"

Saïx stared into space, refusing to make eye contact. "Because they aren't real."

"Damn it, Isa, I know you don't believe that!"

"Lea…"

"That night was real. I know you felt something then. And on the next one, too. Don't tell me all that meant nothing to you."

Saïx turned to his friend with scorn on his face. "We had sex, Lea. How was it any different from your other encounters?"

"You really have to ask?"

There was silence again as Saïx avoided the question. Axel supposed he should give him a break. If Saïx had truly felt something during their evening engagements, he wouldn't have been the only one.

"Lea… Surely you understand the pain of watching a friend walk away. The bitter sting of losing someone you care about. If you had a choice, would you choose to endure it again?"

Axel dropped his head, staring at the floor, dumbstruck by Saïx's words, laced together with resentment and hurt. The wound from the memory of Roxas taking off and forgetting their friendship was still fresh, and it stung just as bitterly as Saïx described. He'd have never guessed that beneath the cold exterior of his blank expression, Saïx was nursing his own wounds all the while.

"Isa…"

"Don't waste your feigned remorse on me, Lea. After all, I don't have a heart to break."

Axel could no longer think of anything he could possibly say in response to Saïx's final words. Remorse was not an adequate term to describe what he felt at that moment. The two sat against the wall for what felt like hours, never looking at each other and not speaking at all. Finally, the door to the lab opened and Zexion peered out. Axel practically leapt to his feet to hear his report.

"Roxas is alright. There was an enormous influx of memories that overwhelmed him. The overload affected the vessel inside him and it seems there was some tug-of-war between the two, but we've managed to stabilize them both."

"Is he awake?"

"No, he will likely sleep the rest of the night. Saïx… I hate to do this, but I recommend bed rest for the remainder of this gestation. Sending him anywhere is just too risky."

Saïx responded with only a nod. After sharing a brief glance with Axel, he turned and proceeded down the hall and out of sight. Axel fought to suppress the urge to follow him, instead watching him go with what he could only describe as sadness inside him.

"Can I see him?"

Zexion ushered Axel into the lab where Roxas was lying on a reclining hospital-grade cot. He appeared to be sleeping soundly, like nothing had gone wrong. As if knowing exactly what he needed, Zexion slid a chair over to him so that he could sit beside his friend. As he watched Roxas, quiet and still again, the same pangs of guilt from before stabbed through his chest. He wanted desperately to talk to Roxas, but could think of nothing to say.

To his surprise, he heard the scraping of a second chair being dragged next to him. Zexion quietly seated himself in the chair, joining him in observing Roxas. Axel only felt worse when remembering his outburst from earlier.

"Zexion, I'm sorry—"

"Don't apologize, Axel. You were upset. I understand the reaction."

Axel smiled meekly at him, grateful for his patience and forgiveness. He turned back to Roxas, mesmerized by the steady rise and fall of his chest. In the peaceful quiet, he got lost in thought, dwelling on his conversation with Saïx. Painful memories raced to the forefront of his mind, refusing to be buried again no matter how he tried to forget them. Thankfully, he was jerked from his trance by Zexion's voice.

"Axel, I've been thinking a lot about what you said."

"Hmm?"

"About, uh… having favorites."

With a knowing smile, Axel leaned in to fully engage in the conversation. "I see. You're feeling pretty attached to your favorite flavor, huh?"

"Your intuition continues to astound me."

"Ha! Remember, I've been around the block and back a few times. But anyway, what's on your mind?"

Unwilling to dance around the topic this time, Zexion dropped the metaphors with a serious tone. "Axel, have you ever been in love?"

Stunned and speechless, Axel's eyes widened at the young apprentice, unable to think of an appropriate response. When he recovered from the shock, he pondered the question for a moment. He could not help but think of Isa and the past they shared together. Since becoming a Nobody, he assumed he was incapable of love, and had in fact forgotten what it felt like. But, he thought anger and sadness to be equally out of reach, only to be very clearly proven wrong on both counts.

"Well, Zexion…" He stalled for time, clearing his throat while he tried to sort out his own feelings on the matter. "The short answer is yes. The long answer is that it's complicated and even if I had experienced love in the past, I don't remember what it feels like now and since I don't have a heart, I won't be able to feel it again anyway."

Zexion stared at him with a confused look on his face. Upon seeing that he didn't really enlighten him at all, Axel stammered as he tried to think of a way to clarify his explanation. "Okay so… uh…"

"You said it's complicated. Tell me what makes it complicated."

It was at this moment that Axel remembered that Zexion was only a child when he apprenticed to Ansem the Wise and then joined the Organization. The poor kid barely got the chance to grow up at all before casting off his heart while he was still too young to understand the consequences. He was smart enough to have read about these human experiences, but never had a chance to actually live them. It filled Axel with pity to think what this young man had missed as a human.

"Well… People have different ideas about what love really is. It feels different to different people. And it can confuse you. A lot of other emotions and desires can feel like love when they're really not. You start to question yourself and you wonder if what you feel even is love, but there's nobody who can really answer that for you."

Zexion, unblinking, listened intently to Axel's explanation, absorbing every word as gospel.

"Love creeps up on you when you least expect it, grabs you by the heart and takes you for a ride. It can make you happy, it can make you sad, it can make you angry… and it can hurt you, worse than anything else can."

Zexion hadn't moved a muscle, the perfect pupil for Axel's teachings on a subject in which he had no business mentoring anybody.

"There's a reason they call it 'falling' in love. It's every bit as scary as falling, and it hurts just as much when you hit the ground."

Having run out of ways to describe it, Axel was quiet for a while. Talking about love brought more memories back into his mind. Some were very pleasant, others were excruciating. Zexion spoke up in a curious voice, snapping Axel back to the present.

"Then… why does anybody do it? If it's so painful, why love anyone at all?"

Axel sighed, smiling at the boy's naïveté. "Because… it's one of the best human experiences in existence."

"Better than sex?"

"Better than sex. Being in love with someone, even if it's temporary, feels so good that it makes it worth all the pain and heartache you end up with later. At least for most people, anyway. Having that special connection with someone… that bond is so strong that you believe nothing could ever break it. You feel invincible, alive… The world looks a little brighter when you're in love."

Zexion's face seemed to exhibit both understanding and confusion at the same time. He understood the words Axel said, but had no emotional context to draw from to truly comprehend any of it. He began to worry he'd leave this conversation with more questions than answers.

Axel, well aware of what Zexion was going through, laid a hand on his shoulder. It didn't make sense that either of them could be in a situation where they would need to ask these questions now, but at this point, being able to bond over it was comforting for both of them.

"Zexion… I just want you to be cautious. In your situation, it's easy to get carried away by the euphoria. The excitement of a new experience like that can fool you into thinking you're in love. And if you're not careful, you can hurt people, or get hurt yourself."

There was silence for a long while. Zexion replayed Axel's words over and over in his mind, trying to make sense of the explanation. Based on his warning, it seemed it would be safer to avoid the risk altogether and end things with Demyx. But that option would hurt more than anything. He couldn't bear the thought of letting him go. He dropped his head in his hands, dizzy from all the emotions dragging him back and forth. Emotions he wasn't supposed to be able to have.

"Axel, what should I do?"

Axel stroked his back in a gesture of support, sympathizing with the young man for having to experience this for the first time as a Nobody. "What do you want to do?"

Zexion racked his brain, trying to straighten out his desires. "I don't know… I just want to be with him. The details don't matter. More than anything I just want to be together."

"Then, I think you have your answer."

"But how do I tell him? What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"That's the risk. With love, there's always the possibility of getting hurt. But would you rather stay the way you are now? Confused and scared and hurting, never knowing what could have been, when there's a chance you could be together? Would you rather just live without him?"

"No… I would feel… empty without him. I can't bear the thought…"

"Then you gotta tell him. Let your guard down. That's what love is all about."

"Love is about being vulnerable with someone?"

"Yeah! It's about baring your weakness for somebody and trusting them not to take advantage of it. That's a huge part of what love is."

Axel couldn't stop watching Zexion. The kid's face was flushed and he had stars in his eyes. There was a warm glow about him, so endearing that it was contagious. Axel couldn't recall the last time he'd seen Zexion so happy, especially since he wasn't supposed to have the heart to fall in love with in the first place. Axel patted him on the back in a congratulatory manner.

"You're all right, kid. Go get 'em."

Zexion, too wrapped up in his own head to speak, gave Axel a grateful smile before heading out the door. Axel let himself get lost in pleasant memories once more. He had loved Isa, and he was no longer ashamed to admit that. Their falling out was intensely painful, and Axel regretted every biting word he threw at his former lover. But, the memories would never cease to bring a smile to the man's face. Even if it would never happen again, just having had the opportunity to be with Isa was enough for him.