A/N: This chapter is mostly angst but things will get better soon.

The days leading up to Felicity's funeral were unbearable for Oliver.

He barely ate. He couldn't sleep.

Oliver couldn't feel anything but pain.

His subconscious had become his enemy. A liar just waiting to push images on him of a life he could no longer have because Felicity was always in his dreams standing beside him, believing in him, guiding him with her light.

However every time he opened his eyes, he was forced into the reality that Felicity's light was gone. Snuffed out. Forever.

She was gone.

The only time he left the Foundry was when he was hitting the streets, hunting for her killer.

It was only a matter of time before he struck again and when he did Oliver would be there to make sure his life was snuffed out with an arrow. Just like the bastard had ripped Felicity's life from her. With an arrow.

It was barely two days later that Mrs. Smoak arrived in town. Oliver didn't know Donna Smoak but what he did know was that she raised an incredible woman and the best person he had been lucky enough to know.

Donna was barely holding it together with the loss of her daughter, leaving the woman shaken at her core.

John wanting to makes things easier on Donna offered to help with funeral arrangements, and Oliver did his best to help her when the police wanted to talk to her about the investigation they had going about the Copycat Hood and why her daughter might have been a target.

Roy had struggled since the night of Felicity's death. He blamed himself that his friend was gone. A woman who he had grown to think of as a sister was dead because of him.

He was hitting the streets continuously with Oliver, and John usually acted as the voice of reason.

Laurel had tried to offer her help, she offered to run coms, and the very idea had rankled Oliver. No one but Felicity should touch her computers.

He didn't want Laurel there, and he had been in no place to be kind about it.

Laurel had left in a sheen of angry tears, and they hadn't spoken since.

He couldn't bring himself to care. He couldn't bring himself to care about anything but catching Felicity's killer and making him suffer.

Felicity's funeral was a quiet affair. A few of her co-workers from her IT days showed up, her neighbor, her mother and a few friends from college.

Oliver didn't know any of them really, Felicity never talked about them. He didn't think she had been close to anyone in particular.

He was thankful that Donna had chosen a closed casket ceremony. Oliver couldn't stand seeing Felicity so still and lifeless, he had enough ammo to fuel his nightmare as it was.

Oliver kept close to Donna during the ceremony, wanting to be there for Felicity's mother. He was sure it was what Felicity would have wanted. Her mother was the only family she had.

He wanted Donna to know if she needed anything he would be there. He couldn't save Felicity, but he would be there for her mother.

He prayed to a God he wasn't even sure he believed in when they lowered her casket into the ground and started shoveling the dirt on top burying her beneath the ground.

He wanted to sink to the ground and just stop. He wanted everything to stop. How was it possible that the world kept turning, that life kept going on when Felicity Smoak was dead.

He forced himself to remain standing as Donna turned to him, sobbing for the loss of her child. He wrapped his arm around her in an attempt to comfort her as the priest spoke.

He marveled at Donna's strength as she gathered herself as people started to walk away from the grave.

His eyes found Digg and Lyla, Digg motioned he was gonna get his pregnant wife to the car as it started to rain. Oliver nodded, his focus returning to Donna. "Are you alright?" he winced when he asked the question. It was a stupid one. "Don't answer that. Of course, you're not."

Donna shook her head. "I'm never gonna be okay again, but I really appreciate everything you have done for Felicity and for me. You're a great friend even when she's no longer with us."

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he wasn't. He wasn't a good friend. Felicity was dead because of him, if he had just left her in her cubicle in IT, maybe she would still be here lighting up everyone's lives who came in contact with her, sharing her kindness with the world.

"Donna."

Donna turned sharply, and he watched as she clenched her jaw, looking at an older man with salt and pepper hair. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I have the right to pay my respects, Donna. She was my daughter, too."

His words made Oliver realize that this man was Felicity's dad. He didn't know much about Felicity's parents. Oliver never really asked about her family. He wished he had. There was so much he wished he would have said.

Regret. It was the worst feeling in the world.

What he did know about Felicity parents was that Felicity's mother lived in Vegas, she was a cocktail waitress, and she raised an amazing daughter. And the only thing he knew of her father was that he left Felicity and her mom when she was just a little girl.

"She's your daughter? You haven't seen her since she was seven years old." Donna retorted lashing out. "She was my daughter. She didn't need you when she was here, and she doesn't need you now. You're not wanted, leave here Noah and let me make it through this nightmare of a day."

Noah had the decency to look contrite. "I know I can never make up for not being there, and I'll never get the chance to apologize to my little girl for not being the kind of father she deserved, but there is something that I can do."

Oliver looked between the two as they argued.

Donna wiped her tears away angrily. "What could you possibly do for her when she's not here anymore?"

"I can find the person who took our daughter and make them pay for what they have done," Noah responded.

Donna faltered in her anger. "I want the man who took my little girl to pay for taking her from me but you being here now, it's too little too late." Donna didn't wait for him to respond and she walked away heading to the car that was waiting for her.

Noah turned to Oliver. "Did you know my daughter well, Mr. Queen?"

Oliver regarded the man carefully. "Felicity was the best person I ever got to know. She was beautiful, kind and selfless," his eyes filled with sadness, unwilling to try for a smile, even if it was fake. "She was the smartest person in any room, and she wasn't afraid to let you know it. There wasn't a better person than your daughter to have in your corner when you were in need of a friend or a helping hand."

Noah nodded. "Sadly, I can't say I knew my daughter as well as you did and now I never will."

"How do you plan on finding her killer when the police can't even track him down?" Oliver challenged.

"Give me a good internet connection and a keyboard, and there's very little I can't do." Noah moved closer to Felicity's grave. Oliver watched him as he completed the Jewish custom grabbing a fist full of dirt and dropping it on the fresh grave, whispering an apology that Felicity would never hear.

Noah nodded at him when he turned back around and walked away.

Oliver stepped toward Felicity's grave, staring down at the freshly covered ground, and the words written on her tombstone.

A daughter, a friend, a bright light gone too soon.

He clenched his jaw, his eyes burned with tears that he refused to shed. He couldn't let his grief swallow him whole not until he avenged Felicity.

He didn't want to bring her killer to justice, no, he wanted to kill him, make him suffer, Oliver wanted to watch as he bled out. He wanted their blood to coat his hands, he wanted to know he was the one to take their last breath from them without a single shred of regret.

Oliver barely felt it as it started to rain, he paid no mind to the loud clap of thunder or the lightning that flashed across the gray sky.

The skies opened up, and still, he didn't budge. He heard footsteps in the mud but didn't turn around.

A steady hand gripped his shoulder, and he knew it was John.

"Did you always know we would wind up here?" Oliver wondered.

John sighed. "I hoped we wouldn't, in the beginning, I didn't know how much she would come to mean to the team, to us."

"I said we could protect her but I failed, and now she's gone. I should have listened to you. If I had never approached her if I had just left her down in IT if I never became a part of her life she would still be here." Oliver stated with a sense of self-hatred Digg had never heard from him before.

"She's not dead because of you. She's gone because of me."

Oliver turned to see Roy standing behind him, and he looked like he was haunted, with sunken cheeks and dark eyes.

Don't blame Roy.

Oliver could hear Felicity's voice clearly in his head. "This isn't your fault."

"She is dead because she saved me. Of course, it's my fault!" Roy clenched his jaw.

"It was her choice, Felicity knew what she was doing Roy," John told him solemnly. "She chose to save you."

Roy looked away blinking back the tears that gathered in his eyes. "We have to hunt this sonofabitch down. For her."

"We will, and I'm gonna be the one to put an arrow through him," Oliver stated, he looked at Roy and John. "For Felicity."

John knew Felicity wouldn't want more death, but there was no way in hell this bastard was going to get away with killing her.

Felicity may be gone, but what she meant to them, her memory would live on.

Oliver spent the next two weeks, hitting the streets, trying to find a lead on the Copycat, not caring he was dropping bodies again.

John had tried to get through to him that this wasn't something Felicity would want, but when Oliver didn't want to listen to reason, he might as well have been talking to a wall.

Still, he was getting nowhere, he was no closer to finding the Copycat Hood. It left him beyond frustrated, and he took that frustration out on his team. It wasn't his intention, but he felt like he was going to explode with rage and John, and Roy were used to dealing with him.

He needed someone with Felicity's skill set to find the Copycat.

"Noah Kutter," The arrow's voice was gravelly as he appeared, wielding his bow and arrow.

Noah stood from his chair in surprise after attending his daughter's funeral he had set up residence in the woods just outside of Starling as he searched day in and day out for his daughter's killer. His eyes narrowed as his alarms went off a little too late to alert him to an intruder on the property. "What do you want?"

"Felicity Smoak. She was your daughter."

"She was." Noah nodded. "She got killed by a Copycat of your work."

"She worked for me. She helped me take down the criminals of this city. I know you want her killer dead. So do I but I can't find him on my own. I want you to find him for me."

"I thought you stopped killing?" Noah questioned. "I don't want him to rot in a cell. I want him in the ground."

Oliver stepped forward, lowering his bow and held out a disposable phone. "He will be when I put an arrow through his throat."

"I'll find him." Noah accepted the phone.

"When you do you can reach me with this, my number is already programmed." Oliver turned to leave.

"Wait," Noah said, and Oliver paused not turning around. "My daughter she worked with you. Helped you. She was your partner. Is that all she was to you?"

Oliver's heart thumped painfully against his chest at the question.

He had been haunted by what he lost since the night Felicity died. Quiet dreams he kept to himself. Words Oliver never said. Feelings he pushed down and ignored.

The night they took down Slade, and he told Felicity he loved her. It wasn't just a ruse because it wasn't a lie.

When she brought it up on Lian Yu, he should have told her the truth. He should have told her he loved her, how her belief in him breathed life in a man whose only reason for living was fighting to right his father's wrongs. He should have told her she made him want to live again. Really live and not just exist for a mission. For a crusade.

He wanted to surround himself with family, he wanted to love and be loved, Oliver wanted the chance to experience everything life had to offer with Felicity, but now he would never have that chance. A world of possibilities ripped from him with one single arrow to her chest.

There was nothing like having your skin wet with the blood of the woman you loved to haunt your every waking moment.

Oliver could truly understand how the Mirakuru and Shado's death har driven Slade insane.

He felt like he was slowly becoming Slade. All he could think about was killing the man who took Felicity from him.

Revenge was slowly consuming him.

"No," he answered. "Felicity was my hope." She was his love.

And now she was his what if. She was his regret.

He should have told Felicity how much he had fallen in love with her.

Oliver pulled back his bow letting his arrow fly, it pierced the man's leg, and he fell to one knee, he fired a second arrow into the man's shoulder, his screams urging him on.

Oliver scaled down the building he was standing on. His steps slow and sure like a predator, stalking his fallen prey.

Oliver yanked the man's hood back on his green hoodie, he twisted the arrow in his shoulder with his left hand and wrapped his right one tightly around the man's neck squeezing. "Three weeks ago you aimed an arrow at my friend, and you missed and struck down the woman I loved."

The man gave a pained chuckle. "Your attachments make you weak."

"What?" Oliver's eyes narrowed. "You know nothing about me."

"I do. When you showed up the criminals ran at the mention of the Hood, you represented fear and death. You used to drop bodies. You were a killer. You were a symbol of strength we all needed." the man said, gritting his teeth through the pain. "But suddenly, you weren't alone, you stopped killing, and you started recruiting men who didn't deserve to fight with you. You were meant to kill, but they made you weak."

"And what? You decided you would become the new Hood?" Oliver demanded, resisting the urge to snap his neck.

"No, I wanted to show you that you had it right the first time around. I needed to remind you of who you are. Your pretty little blonde was just the first of many, Oliver Queen. If I have to take everyone you love to return you to the killer you were once then so be it."

Oliver didn't care that the man knew his true identity. He twisted the arrow in his shoulder viciously causing the man to cry out in pain. "The only thing you did was ensure your own death," he yanked the arrow out and removed his hand from his neck only to plunged the arrow shaft through his throat, watching as his eyes widened as he yanked the arrow back out, blood gushing from the hole in his throat.

The man reached up. his hands moving to the gushing wound, choking on his own blood as he bled from his neck.

He fell back against the dark pavement, a gurgling sound leaving his parted lips, his face was filled with pain, fear, and desperation, and Oliver watched stoned face as the life left the man's eyes.

He turned his back to the man hearing his last struggling breath and left him in a puddle of his own blood.

He returned to the Foundry and found Roy and John there. Waiting.

Neither of them was there when he had suited up after Noah had called with the information he needed. He didn't want them getting in his way or trying to talk him out of what he just did.

"Oliver, what happened?" John moved toward him.

He looked at the blood coating the leather of his gloves. "It's not my blood."

"Then whose blood is it?" Roy asked.

Oliver moved toward Felicity's computer station picking up the burner phone he left there and pressed it to his ear.

"Is it done?" Noah asked in greeting when he picked up on the second ring as if he had just been waiting for Oliver's call.

"It's done. He's dead."

"Good," Noah said. "I believe this concludes our business, Mr. Queen."

The phone clicked in his ear, and Oliver tossed the phone onto the table and moved to put his bow down.

"Oliver," John placed his hand on his shoulder turning him to face him. "Who's dead?"

"Andrew Miller. The Copycat Hood." He tugged his gloves off and tossed them away.

Roy stepped forward. "You got him? You got the bastard that killed Feli-" Roy's voice cracked on her name. "Felicity."

Oliver raised his eyes to Roy. "I watched the life drained from him."

"Oliver," Diggle shook his head, his eyes somber. "I wanted him dead just as much as you did but do you really think Felicity wanted you to kill someone in her name?"

Oliver really doubted Digg wanted Andrew Miller dead the way he did. Digg was not in love with Felicity however he was, and he was going to live with the regret of never being with her, never telling her that he meant it the one time he said the words to her.

Oliver wished he could say it all over again. He wished he told her every day. He wished she never had any doubt about how deeply he had fallen in love with her light, her belief in him. How irrevocably he had fallen for her.

"She's not here," Oliver said finally. "I wasn't going to let him breathe another breath when she's 6 feet underground because of him."

Oliver turned to get out of his suit, but Roy calling out to him stopped him. "Did he suffer?"

"I put an arrow through his throat. He drowned, choking on his own blood." He made sure the man suffered, but it felt like it wasn't enough.

Roy nodded. "He deserved it."

"He deserved a lot worse," Oliver replied darkly.

John sighed, his eyes looking sadly to Felicity's computers wishing she was sitting in her chair. Wishing she was still there with them.

Roy walked into the Foundry, ready to suit up for the night. Wanting to hit someone, needing to workout this heavy feeling in his gut.

He heard the sound of an arrow and saw Oliver shooting his bow, his focus dead set. "Where's Digg?"

"He's not coming in tonight." Oliver shot an arrow into a bouncing tennis ball.

"So it's just us hitting the streets tonight?" Roy questioned. He hadn't been alone with Oliver since Felicity was killed.

Roy believed Oliver was avoiding him because he blamed him and honestly he couldn't fault him for it if that were the case.

He blamed himself too. Felicity died because she took an arrow for him. If she hadn't decided that his life was more important than her own than she would still be here, more than likely enjoying watching Oliver move about the Foundry shirtless and giving each other heart eyes.

They had been so obvious. Watching Oliver and Felicity dance around each other had been amusing and made betting with Diggle about who would kiss who first or when they would finally just get together interesting.

But now that was never going to happen.

Roy was never gonna see Felicity again. She was never going to see the sunset, never direct them on Comms, he would never hear her call him scarecrow, and it was all his fault.

"Stop."

He looked up at Oliver. "What?"

"I've seen that look enough to know you're blaming yourself. Don't."

"Why not? She's dead because of me!" Roy snapped. "It should have been me!"

The words echoed in his head, remembering when he said those same words when he lost Tommy. "I've been where you are and blaming yourself isn't going to do anyone any good." he lowered his bow and looked at him. "Felicity, in her last moments, she didn't regret saving you, if given the choice again between saving you or letting you die I know she would make the same decision she did without hesitation. She saved you because it was who she was."

Roy shook his head and moved over toward Felicity's computer, gripping the back of her chair, he asked. "Why don't you blame me?"

"She asked me not to. It was one of the last things she said to me." Oliver set his bow down on his metal work table. "Blaming you isn't what she wanted, and this isn't your fault. It's mine." Oliver blew out a slow breath. "The Copycat Hood, he targeted you because of me, if anyone is to blame it's me and I'm going to have to live with that until I die."

"She wouldn't want you to blame yourself either. She chose this life." Roy said.

"Living this life, being a part of this team. Got her killed. I got her killed." Oliver's voice was wretched, filled with grief.

"Oliver, you can't think like that. You said it yourself, this was who Felicity was she would have found a way to be a hero without you." Roy shook his head. "Felicity loved being a part of this team, and she loved being a part of your life. Felicity didn't just choose this life. She chose you. She loved you."

Oliver's head shot up, his eyes filling with tears and Roy felt sympathy for Oliver. He felt awful, but he couldn't imagine what Oliver must feel every second of every day. If it was Thea, he didn't think he could handle it.

"I wish I would have told her," Oliver whispered. "I wish I told her every day that I loved her. And now..now she'll never know I really did love her." Oliver blew out a harsh breath. "And I have to go on living with that regret."

Roy had no idea what to say to that and so he said nothing.

Oliver promised himself that he was going to keep going, keep fighting. He would honor Felicity by never giving up on the city they tried so hard to save, to protect.

He ran her programs the best he could, he went out every single night, patrolling and kept Starling City streets safe.

He fought for everything he believed, he cracked down trying to learn the business side of things of his company with Walter's help, still trying to get his company back.

He lived his days trying to make Felicity proud, trying to be the man she believed in.

Oliver was no stranger to losing the people he loved, to grief but somehow Felicity's loss was different in a way he never felt before.

But when he was exhausted from continually fighting, from pretending he was okay when all he wanted was for everything to just stop. He just wanted it all to stop, and he wanted not to feel a damn thing because feeling anything anymore hurt too damn much.

He had live through hell, been tortured and suffered more than one person should and still that pain, he survived it.

The pain he felt every second of every day since Felicity died in his arms was unbearable, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could live with it.

Oliver stepped into the bright apartment, locking the door behind him. His feet carried him to the couch, and he collapsed onto it, reaching for the picture on the end table.

He remembered when Felicity insisted they needed a team photo when they were out at Big Belly Burgers after a busy night. He didn't see the point, but he couldn't say no to her.

Felicity insisted they needed a picture because she also really wanted one and how could he possibly deny her anything when she was smiling at him, her eyes shining with hope. He couldn't help but smile down at her, his hand on her shoulder, thumb brushing against her neck.

He hadn't known it at the time, but John sitting across from them had taken out his phone and taken a picture of just the two of them and not the team.

He brushed his thumb across the image of the photo.

God, he missed her. The sound of her laugh, her voice in his ear on comms, the way she would look at him with hope and belief.

With a heavy weight on his chest, Oliver placed the photo back on the table and rearrange himself on Felicity's couch. He pulled the pillow he stolen from Felicity's bedroom to his chest and breathed deeply, her scent was still clinging to the fabric. His chest tightened, his throat closing with emotion as his eyes burned, he shut them tightly, willing himself to sleep. Hoping being in Felicity's space, breathing in her scent would help him get at least one good night of sleep.

He was wrong; instead, he was haunted in his dreams, even in his sleep he was unable to escape the crushing grief that weighed him down.

Dreaming of her was the best and worst thing. It was painful, seeing her and knowing she wouldn't be there when he woke up, still, in a way that pain was worth it because at least in his dreams he was with her.

He would give anything to just see her again, feel the beat of her heart, watch her smile at him, hear the sound of her voice. He would stop at nothing if given the chance to save her.

A/N: Thanks for reading. Until the next update. :)